1. The Avengers (2012)
'The world has gotten even stranger than you already know.' - Nick Fury (The Avengers) Share on XMCU’s superhero action adventure written and directed by Joss Whedon. When a mysterious and unpredictable power source called the Tesseract is stolen by Loki (Tom Hiddleston) from SHIELD agents to rule the entire world, SHIELD’s head, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), gathers Earth’s mightiest heroes, the Avengers, made up of Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Steve Rogers/Captain America (Chris Evans), Bruce Banner/Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Clint Barton/Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), to stop Loki and his infinite wrath.
The Other: The Tesseract has awakened. It is on a little world, a human world. They wield its power, but ally is working knows it’s working, so that they never will learn. He’s ready to lead, and our force, our Chitauri will follow. The world will be his and the universe yours. And the humans, what can they do, but burn.
Nick Fury: Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.
'With everything that's happening, and the things that are about to come to light, people might just need a little old fashioned.' - Agent Phil Coulson (The Avengers) Share on X
Nick Fury: Is there anything we know for certain?
Selvig: Tesseract is misbehaving.
Nick Fury: Is that supposed to be funny?
Selvig: No, it’s not funny at all. The Tesseract is not only active, she’s misbehaving.
Nick Fury: Where’s Agent Barton?
Selvig: The Hawk? Up in his nest, as usual.
'An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome.' - Tony Stark (The Avengers) Share on X
Nick Fury: I gave you this detail so you could keep a close eye on things.
Clint Barton: Well, I see better from a distance.
Nick Fury: [to Loki] Sir, please put down the spear!
Loki: [as Fury tries to leave with the Tesseract] Please don’t. I still need that.
Nick Fury: This doesn’t have to get any messier.
Loki: Of course it does. I’ve come too far for anything else. I am Loki, of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose.
Selvig: Loki? Brother of Thor?
Nick Fury: We have no quarrel with your people.
Loki: An ant has no quarrel with a boot.
Nick Fury: Are you planning to step on us?
Loki: I come with glad tidings, of a world made free.
Nick Fury: Free from what?
Loki: Freedom. Freedom is life’s great lie. Once you accept that, in your heart, you will know peace.
Nick Fury: Yeah, you say “peace”, I kind of think you mean the other thing.
Clint Barton: Sir, Director Fury is stalling. This place is about to blow. Drop a hundred feet of raw material, he means to bury us.
Nick Fury: Like The Pharaohs of Odin.
Selvig: He’s right, the portal is collapsing in on itself. You got maybe two minutes before this goes critical.
Loki: Well, then.
Agent Phil Coulson: [over phone] We need you to come in.
Natasha Romanoff: Are you kidding? I’m working!
Agent Phil Coulson: This takes precedence.
Natasha Romanoff: I’m in the middle of an interrogation and this moron is giving me everything.
Georgi Luchkov: I don’t give everything.
Natasha Romanoff: Look, you can’t pull me out of this right now.
Agent Phil Coulson: Natasha, Barton’s been compromised.
Natasha Romanoff: Let me put you on hold.
[she attacks the thugs and frees herself from the chair]
Natasha Romanoff: [over phone] Where’s Barton now?
Agent Phil Coulson: We don’t know.
Natasha Romanoff: But he’s alive.
Agent Phil Coulson: We think so. I’ll brief you on everything when you get back. But first, we need you to talk to the big guy.
Natasha Romanoff: Coulson, you know that Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me.
Agent Phil Coulson: No, I’ve got Stark. You get the big guy.
Natasha Romanoff: You know, for a man who’s supposed to be avoiding stress, you picked a hell of a place to settle.
Bruce Banner: Avoiding stress isn’t the secret.
Natasha Romanoff: Then what is it? Yoga?
Bruce Banner: You brought me to the edge of the city. Smart. I assume the whole place is surrounded?
Natasha Romanoff: Just you and me.
Bruce Banner: And your actress buddy, is she a spy too? Do they start that young?
Natasha Romanoff: I did.
Bruce Banner: Who are you?
Natasha Romanoff: Natasha Romanoff.
Bruce Banner: Are you here to kill me, Ms. Romanoff? Because that’s not going to work out for everyone.
Natasha Romanoff: No. No. Of course not. I’m here on behalf of SHIELD.
Bruce Banner: SHIELD. How did they find me?
Natasha Romanoff: We never lost you, Doctor. We’ve kept our distance. Even helped keep some other interested parties off your scent.
Bruce Banner: Why?
Natasha Romanoff: Nick Fury seems to trust you. But now we need you to come in.
Bruce Banner: What if I say no?
Natasha Romanoff: I’ll persuade you.
Bruce Banner: And what if the other guy says no?
Natasha Romanoff: You’ve been more than a year without an incident. I don’t think you want to break that streak.
Bruce Banner: Well, I don’t every time get what I want.
Natasha Romanoff: Doctor, we’re facing a potential global catastrophe.
Bruce Banner: Well, those I actively try to avoid.
Natasha Romanoff: [shows him a photo] This is the Tesseract. It has the potential energy to wipe out the planet.
Bruce Banner: What does Fury want me to do? Swallow it?
Natasha Romanoff: Well, he wants you to find it. It’s been taken. It omits a gamma signature that’s too weak for us to trace. There’s no one that knows gamma radiation like you do. If there was, that’s where I’d be.
Bruce Banner: So Fury isn’t after the monster?
Natasha Romanoff: Not that he’s told me.
Bruce Banner: And he tells you everything?
Natasha Romanoff: Talk to Fury. He needs you on this.
Bruce Banner: He needs me in a cage?
Natasha Romanoff: No one’s going to put you in a…
Bruce Banner: [suddenly gets angry] Stop lying to me!
Bruce Banner: [as Natasha points her gun at Banner] I’m sorry. That was mean. I just wanted to see what you’d do. Why don’t we do this the easy way, where you don’t use that, and the other guy doesn’t make a mess? Okay? Natasha
Natasha Romanoff: [lowers her gun, over earpiece to the other agents] Stand down. We’re good here.
Bruce Banner: Just you and me?
World Security Council #1: This is out of line, Director. You’re dealing with forces you can’t control.
Nick Fury: You ever been in a war, Councilman? In a firefight? Did you feel an over abundance of control?
World Security Council #1: You saying that this Asgard has declared war on our planet?
Nick Fury: Not Asgard. Loki.
World Security Council #2: He can’t be working alone. What about the other one? His brother.
Nick Fury: Our intelligence says, Thor is not a hostile. But he’s worlds away, we can’t depend on him to help either. It’s up to us.
World Security Council #1: Which is why you should be focusing on phase 2, it was designed for exactly…
Nick Fury: Phase 2 isn’t ready, our enemy is. We need a response team.
World Security Council #1: The Avengers Initiative was shut down.
Nick Fury: This isn’t about The Avengers.
World Security Council #1: We’re running the world’s greatest covert security network and you’re going to leave the fate of human race to a handful of freaks.
Nick Fury: I’m not leaving anything to anyone. We need a response team. These people may be isolated, unbalanced even, but I believe with the right push they can be exactly what we need.
World Security Council #2: You believe?
World Security Council #1: War isn’t won by sentiment, Director.
Nick Fury: No, it’s won by soldiers.
Nick Fury: Trouble sleeping?
Steve Rogers: I slept for seventy years, sir. I think I’ve had my fill.
Nick Fury: Then you should be out, celebrating, seeing the world.
Steve Rogers: I went under, the world was at war,. I wake up, they say we won. They didn’t say what we lost.
Nick Fury: We’ve made some mistakes along the way. Some very recently.
Steve Rogers: You here with a mission, sir?
Nick Fury: I am.
Steve Rogers: Trying to get me back in the world?
Nick Fury: Trying to save it.
Steve Rogers: [referring to the Tesseract] Hydra’s secret weapon.
Nick Fury: Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean when he was looking for you. He thought what we think, the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That’s something the world sorely needs.
Steve Rogers: Who took it from you?
Nick Fury: He’s called Loki. He’s not from around here. There’s a lot we’ll have to bring you up to speed on if you’re in. The world has gotten even stranger than you already know.
Steve Rogers: At this point, I doubt anything would surprise me.
Nick Fury: Ten bucks says you’re wrong. There’s a debriefing package waiting for you back at your apartment. Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract that we ought to know now?
Steve Rogers: You should have left it in the ocean.
Tony Stark: You’re good to go on this end. The rest is up to you.
Pepper Potts: You disconnected the transition lines? Are we off the grid?
Tony Stark: Stark Towers is about to become a beacon of of self sustaining clean energy.
Pepper Potts: Wow, so maybe our reactor takes over and it actually works?
Tony Stark: I assume. Light her up.
Pepper Potts: [as Stark flies to Stark tower and the Stark sign lights up] How does it look?
Tony Stark: Like Christmas, but with more me.
Pepper Potts: We’ve got to go wider on the public awareness campaign. You need to do some press. I’m in DC tomorrow. I’m working on the zoning for the next billboards.
Tony Stark: Pepper, you’re killing me. Remember? Enjoy the moment.
Jarvis: Sir, Agent Coulson of SHIELD is on the line.
Tony Stark: I’m not in. I’m actually out.
Jarvis: Sir, I’m afraid he’s insisting.
Tony Stark: Close the line Jarvis. I got a date.
Pepper Potts: Levels are holding steady, I think.
Tony Stark: Of course they are. I was directly involved. Which brings me to my next question. How does it feel to be a genius?
Pepper Potts: Well, ha, I really wouldn’t know now, would I?
Tony Stark: What do you mean? All this, came from you.
Pepper Potts: [points to the energy in his chest plate] No. All this, came from that.
Tony Stark: Give yourself some credit, please. Stark Tower is your baby. Give yourself twelve percent of the credit.
Pepper Potts: Twelve percent?
Tony Stark: An argument can be made for fifteen.
Pepper Potts: Twelve percent? My baby?
Tony Stark: Well, I did do all the heavy lifting. Literally, I lifted the heavy things. And, sorry, but the security snafu? That was on you.
Pepper Potts: Ooh!
Tony Stark: My private elevator.
Pepper Potts: You mean our elevator?
Tony Stark: It was teeming with sweaty workmen. I’m going to pay for that comment about percentages in some subtle way later on, aren’t I?
Pepper Potts: It’s not going to be that subtle.
Tony Stark: I’ll tell you what. Next building is going to say “Potts” on the tower.
Pepper Potts: On the lease.
Tony Stark: Call your mom. Can you bunk over?
Agent Phil Coulson: [over phone] Stark, we need to talk.
Tony Stark: You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message.
Agent Phil Coulson: This is urgent.
Tony Stark: Then leave it urgently.
Tony Stark: [as Coulson enters the penthouse] Security breach.
Tony Stark: [to Pepper] That’s on you.
Agent Phil Coulson: Mr. Stark.
Pepper Potts: Phil! Come in.
Tony Stark: Phil?
Agent Phil Coulson: I can’t stay.
Tony Stark: His first name is “Agent”.
Pepper Potts: [to Coulson] Come on in, we’re celebrating.
Tony Stark: Which is why he can’t stay.
Agent Phil Coulson: [referring to the file] We need you to look this over. Soon as possible.
Tony Stark: I don’t like being handed things.
Pepper Potts: [exchanges her glass of champagne for Coulson’s file] That’s alright, because I love to be handed things. So, let’s trade.
Pepper Potts: [takes Tony’s champagne glass and gives him the file] Thank you.
Tony Stark: Official consulting hours are between eight and five every other Thursday.
Agent Phil Coulson: This isn’t a consultation.
Pepper Potts: Is this about The Avengers? Which I know nothing about.
Tony Stark: The Avengers Initiative was scrapped, I thought. And I didn’t even qualify.
Pepper Potts: I didn’t know that either.
Tony Stark: Yeah, apparently I’m volatile, self obsessed, don’t play well with others.
Pepper Potts: That I did know.
Tony Stark: You know, I thought we were having a moment.
Pepper Potts: I was having twelve percent of a moment. This seems serious, Phil’s pretty shaken.
Tony Stark: How did you notice? Why is he Phil?
Steve Rogers: So this Dr. Banner was trying to replicate the serum that was used on me?
Agent Phil Coulson: A lot of people were. You were the world’s first superhero. Banner thought gammer radiation might hold the key to unlocking Erskine’s original formula.
Steve Rogers: Didn’t really go his way, did it?
Agent Phil Coulson: Not so much. When he’s got that thing though, guy’s like a Stephen Hawking.
Agent Phil Coulson: [as Steve looks at him in confusion] He’s like a smart person.
Agent Phil Coulson: I got to say, it’s an honor to meet you officially. I’ve sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was present while you were unconscious from the ice. You know, it’s really just a huge honor to have you on board.
Steve Rogers: Well, I hope I’m the man for the job.
Agent Phil Coulson: Oh, you are. Absolutely. We made some modifications to the uniform. I had a little design input.
Steve Rogers: The uniform? Aren’t the stars and stripes a little old fashioned?
Agent Phil Coulson: With everything that’s happening, and the things that are about to come to light, people might just need a little old fashioned.
The Other: The Chitauri grow restless.
Loki: Let them grow restless. I will lead them in the glorious battle.
The Other: Battle? Against a meagre might of Earth?
Loki: Glorious, not lengthy. If your force is as formidable as you claim.
The Other: You question us? Question him? He who put the scepter in your hand? Who gave you ancient knowledge and new purpose? When you were cast out, defeated!
Loki: I was a king! The rightful king of Asgard. Betrayed.
The Other: Your ambition is little and full of childish need. We’re beyond the Earth to greater worlds. The Tesseract will avail.
Loki: You don’t have the Tesseract yet. I don’t threaten. But until I open the doors, until your force is mine to command, you are but words.
The Other: If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevasse where I can’t find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for that so sweet as pain.
Natasha Romanoff: There was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice. I thought Coulson was going to swoon. Did he ask you to sign his Captain America trading cards yet?
Steve Rogers: Trading cards?
Natasha Romanoff: They’re vintage. He’s very proud.
Steve Rogers: Word is you can find the cube.
Bruce Banner: Is that the only word on me?
Steve Rogers: Only word I care about.
Bruce Banner: Must be strange for you, all of this.
Steve Rogers: Well, this is actually kind of familiar.
Natasha Romanoff: Gentlemen, you may want to step inside in a minute. It’s going to get a little hard to breath.
Steve Rogers: [referring to the Helicarrier] Is this is a submarine?
Bruce Banner: Really? They wanted me in a submerged pressurized metal container?
Bruce Banner: [as the Helicarrier starts to lift off] Oh, no. This is much worse.
Nick Fury: Doctor, thank you for coming.
Bruce Banner: Thanks for asking nicely. So, how long am I staying?
Nick Fury: Once we get our hands on the Tesseract, you’re in the clear.
Bruce Banner: Do you have somewhere for me to work?
Nick Fury: Agent Romanoff, would you show Dr. Banner to his laboratory, please.
Natasha Romanoff: You’re going to love it, Doc. We got all the toys.
Selvig: The Tesseract is showing me so much. It’s more than knowledge, it’s truth.
Loki: I know. What did it show you, Agent Barton?
Clint Barton: My next target.
Loki: Tell me what you need.
Clint Barton: I need a distraction. And an eyeball.
Loki: [to the crowd] Kneel before me. I said. Kneel!
Loki: [as the crowd kneels before him] Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It’s the unspoken truth of humanity, that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.
German Old Man: [as he rises] Not to men like you.
Loki: There are no men like me.
German Old Man: There are always men like you.
Loki: Look to your elder, people. Let him be an example.
[Loki is about to kill the man, Steve intervenes, in his Captain America suit]
Steve Rogers: You know, the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing.
Loki: The soldier. A man out of time.
Steve Rogers: I’m not the one who’s out of time.
Natasha Romanoff: Loki, drop the weapon and stand down.
Loki: [as he blasts Steve with his scepter and knocks him down] Kneel!
Steve Rogers: Not today!
Tony Stark: Make your move, Reindeer Games.
Tony Stark: [as Loki surrenders] Good move.
Steve Rogers: Mr. Stark.
Tony Stark: Captain.
Steve Rogers: I don’t like it.
Tony Stark: What? Rock of Ages giving up so easily?
Steve Rogers: I don’t remember it being that easy. This guy packs a wallop.
Tony Stark: Still, you were pretty spry, for an older fellow. What’s your thing? Pilates?
Steve Rogers: What?
Tony Stark: It’s like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle.
Steve Rogers: Fury didn’t tell me he was calling you in.
Tony Stark: Yeah, there’s a lot of things Fury doesn’t tell you.
Steve Rogers: What’s the matter? Scared of a little lightning?
Loki: I’m not overly fond of what follows.
[suddenly Thor appears, smashes into the jet and takes Loki]
Steve Rogers: Stark we need a plan of attack!
Tony Stark: [as he jumps out of the jet] I have a plan. Attack.
Natasha Romanoff: [as Steve is about to parachute out of the jet] I’d sit this one out, Cap.
Steve Rogers: I don’t see how I can.
Natasha Romanoff: These guys come from legends, they’re basically gods.
Steve Rogers: There’s only one God, ma’am. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that.
Thor: Where’s the Tesseract?
Loki: I missed you too.
Thor: Do I look to be in a gaming mood?
Loki: Oh, you should thank me. With the Bifrost gone, how much dark energy did the All-Father have to muster to conjure you here? Your precious Earth.
Thor: I thought you dead.
Loki: Did you mourn?
Thor: We all did. Our father…
Loki: Your father. He did tell you my true parentage, did he not?
Thor: We were raised together. We played together. We fought together. Do you remember none of that?
Loki: I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss. I, who was, and should be king!
Thor: So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No. The Earth is under my protection, Loki.
Loki: And you’re doing a marvelous job with that. The humans slaughter each other in droves, while you ideally fret. I mean to rule them, as why should I not?
Thor: You think yourself above them.
Loki: Well, yes.
Thor: Then you miss the truth of ruling, brother. A throne would suit you ill.
Loki: I’ve seen worlds you’ve never known about. I have grown, Odin’s son, in my exile. I have seen the true power of the Tesseract. And when I wield it…
Thor: Who showed you this power? Who controls the would be king?
Loki: I am a king!
Thor: Not here! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this poisonous dream! You come home.
Loki: I don’t have it. You need the cube to bring me home, but I’ve sent it off. I know not where.
Thor: You listen well, brother.
Loki: [suddenly Stark knocks Thor off the mountain, leaving him standing alone] I’m listening!
Thor: Do not touch me again.
Tony Stark: Then don’t take my stuff.
Thor: You have no idea what you’re dealing with.
Tony Stark: Shakespeare in the Park? Doth Mother know you weareth her drapes?
Thor: This is beyond you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice.
Tony Stark: He gives up the cube and he’s all yours. Until then, stay out of the way. Tourist!
Steve Rogers: [stops Thor and Tony fighting] Hey! That’s enough!
Steve Rogers: [to Thor] Now, I don’t know what you plan on doing here.
Thor: I’ve come here to put and end to Loki’s schemes!
Steve Rogers: Then prove it. Put that hammer down.
Tony Stark: Yep! No! Bad call! He loves his hammer!
Thor: [hits Stark aside with his hammer, knocking him out] You want me to put the hammer down?
Steve Rogers: [after knocking Thor down] Are we done here?
Nick Fury: [as Loki’s being contained in glass cell] In case it’s unclear, you try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass.
Nick Fury: [presses a button to open the hole in the cell floor] Thirty thousand feet, straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works? Ant. Boot.
Loki: It’s an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me.
Nick Fury: Built for something a lot stronger than you.
Loki: Oh, I’ve heard. A mindless beast. Makes play he’s still a man.
Loki: How desperate are you? You call on these lost creatures to defend you.
Nick Fury: How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can’t hope to control. You talk about peace and you kill because it’s fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did.
Loki: Ooh. It burns you to come so close. To have the Tesseract, to have power, unlimited power. And for what? A warm light for all mankind to share, and then to be reminded what real power is.
Nick Fury: Yeah, well, you let me know if “real power” wants a magazine or something.
Bruce Banner: He really grows on you, doesn’t he?
Steve Rogers: Loki’s going to drag this out. So, Thor, what’s his play?
Thor: He has an army called the Chitauri, that none of Asgard nor any world know. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the Earth. Return, I suspect, for the Tesseract.
Steve Rogers: An army, from outer space.
Bruce Banner: So he’s building another portal. That’s what he needs Erik Selvig for.
Thor: Selvig?
Bruce Banner: He’s an astrophysicist.
Thor: He’s a friend.
Natasha Romanoff: Loki has him under some kind of spell, along with one of ours.
Steve Rogers: I want to know why Loki let us take him. He’s not leading an army from here.
Bruce Banner: I don’t think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy’s brain is a bag full of cats. You could smell crazy on him.
Thor: Have care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard, and he’s my brother.
Natasha Romanoff: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He’s adopted.
Tony Stark: [to Thor] No hard feelings, Point Break. You’ve got a mean swing.
Tony Stark: [referring to one of the techs] That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.
Tony Stark: [covers one eye and looks at the monitors] How does Fury even see these?
Agent Maria Hill: He turns.
Tony Stark: Sounds exhausting.
Agent Maria Hill: When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?
Tony Stark: Last night. The packet, Selvig’s notes, the Extraction Theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?
Steve Rogers: Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?
Bruce Banner: He got to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.
Tony Stark: Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect.
Bruce Banner: Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.
Tony Stark: Finally, someone who speaks English.
Steve Rogers: Is that what just happened?
Tony Stark: It’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner. You’re work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.
Bruce Banner: Thanks.
Nick Fury: Dr. Banner is only here to track the cube. I was hoping you might join him.
Steve Rogers: Let’s start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon.
Nick Fury: I don’t know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I’d like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.
Thor: Monkeys? I do not understand.
Steve Rogers: I do! I understood that reference.
Tony Stark: You know, you should come by Stark Towers sometime. Top ten floors, all R&D. You’d love it. It’s Candy Land.
Bruce Banner: Thanks, but the last time I was in New York, I kind of broke Harlem.
Tony Stark: Well, I promise a stress free environment. No tension. No surprises.
Bruce Banner: [Tony suddenly gives him an electrical shock] Ow!
Tony Stark: Nothing?
Steve Rogers: Hey! Are you nuts?
Tony Stark: Jury’s out. You really have got a lid on it, haven’t you? What’s your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?
Steve Rogers: Is everything a joke to you?
Tony Stark: Funny things are.
Steve Rogers: Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn’t funny. No offense, Doc
Bruce Banner: No, it’s alright. I wouldn’t have come aboard if I couldn’t handle pointy things.
Tony Stark: You’re tiptoeing, big man. You need to strut.
Steve Rogers: And you need to focus on the problem, Mr. Stark.
Tony Stark: Do you think I’m not? Why did Fury call us in? Why now? Why not before? What isn’t he telling us? I can’t do the equation unless I have all the variables.
Steve Rogers: You think Fury’s hiding something?
Tony Stark: He’s a spy. Captain, he’s “the” spy. His secrets have secrets.
Tony Stark: [to Steve, referring to running his decryption program] Jarvis has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours, I’ll know every dirty secret SHIELD has ever tried to hide. Blueberry?
Steve Rogers: Yet you’re confused about why they didn’t want you around?
Tony Stark: An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome.
Steve Rogers: I think Loki’s trying to wind us up. This is a man who means to start a war, and if don’t stay focused, he’ll succeed. We have orders. We should follow them.
Tony Stark: Following is not really my style.
Steve Rogers: And you’re all about style, aren’t you?
Tony Stark: Of the people in this room, which one is, A, wearing a spangly outfit, and, B, not of use?
Tony Stark: [referring to Steve] That’s the guy my dad never shut up about? I’m wondering if they shouldn’t have kept him on ice.
Bruce Banner: The guy’s not wrong about Loki. He does have the jump on us.
Tony Stark: What he’s got is an Acme dynamite kit. It’s going to blow up in his face, and I’m going to be there when it does.
Bruce Banner: Yeah. And I’ll read all about it.
Tony Stark: Uh-huh. Or you’ll be suiting up with the rest of us.
Bruce Banner: You see, I don’t get a suit of armor. I’m exposed, like a nerve. It’s a nightmare.
Tony Stark: You know, I’ve got a cluster of shrapnel, trying every second to crawl its way into my heart.
Tony Stark: [points to the energy in his chest plate] This stops it. This little circle of light. It’s part of me now, not just armor. It’s a terrible privilege.
Bruce Banner: But you can control it.
Tony Stark: Because I learned how.
Bruce Banner: It’s different.
Tony Stark: Hey, I read all about your accident. That much gammer exposure should have killed you.
Bruce Banner: So you’re saying that the Hulk, the other guy, saved my life? That’s nice. It’s a nice sentiment. Saved it for what?
Tony Stark: I guess we’ll find out.
Bruce Banner: You may not enjoy that.
Tony Stark: You just might.
Thor: We pretend on Asgard that we’re more advanced, but we come here battling like Bilgesnipe.
Agent Phil Coulson: Like what?
Thor: Bilgesnipe. You know, huge, scaly, big antlers. You don’t have those?
Agent Phil Coulson: I don’t think so.
Thor: Well, they are repulsive. And they trample everything in their path.
Nick Fury: You think you can make Loki tell us what the Tesseract is?
Thor: I do not know. Loki’s mind is far afield, it’s not just power he craves, it’s vengeance upon me. There’s no pain that would prise his need from him.
Nick Fury: A lot of guys think that, until the pain stops.
Thor: What are you asking me to do?
Nick Fury: I’m asking, what are you prepared to do?
Thor: Loki is a prisoner.
Nick Fury: Then why do I feel like he’s the only person on this boat that wants to be here?
Natasha Romanoff: I want to know what you’ve done to Agent Barton.
Loki: I’d say I’ve expanded his mind.
Natasha Romanoff: And once you’ve won. Once you’re king of the mountain. What happens to his mind?
Loki: Is this love, Agent Romanoff?
Natasha Romanoff: Love is for children. I owe him a debt.
Natasha Romanoff: [referring to her debt to Clint] Before I worked for SHIELD, I, well, I made a name for myself. I have a very specific skillset. I didn’t care who I used it for, or on. I got on SHIELD’s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me. He made a different call.
Loki: And what will you do if I vow to spare him?
Natasha Romanoff: Not let you out.
Loki: Ah, no. But I like this. Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?
Natasha Romanoff: Regime’s fall everyday. I tend not to weep over that. I’m Russian, or I was.
Loki: And what are you now?
Natasha Romanoff: It’s really not that complicated. I’ve got red in my ledger, I’d like to wipe it out.
Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov’s daughter? Sao Paulo? The hospital file? Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping. It’s gushing red. And you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything? This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child at prayer. Pathetic! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors. But they are a part of you, and they will never go away.
Loki: I won’t touch Barton! Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear. And then he’ll wake just long enough to see his good work. And when he screams I’ll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!
Natasha Romanoff: You’re a monster.
Loki: Oh, no. You brought the monster.
Natasha Romanoff: So, Banner? That’s your play?
Loki: What?
Natasha Romanoff: [over earpiece] Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab. I’m on my way. Send Thor as well.
Natasha Romanoff: [to Loki] Thank you, for your cooperation.
Nick Fury: What are you doing, Mr. Stark?
Tony Stark: Kind of been wondering the same thing about you.
Nick Fury: You’re supposed to be locating the Tesseract.
Bruce Banner: We are, the model’s locked and we’re sweeping for the signature now. When we get a hit, we’ll have the location within half a mile.
Tony Stark: And you’ll get your cube back, no muss, no fuss. What is Phase 2?
Steve Rogers: Phase 2 is SHIELD uses the cube to make weapons.
Steve Rogers: [to Stark] Sorry, the computer was moving a little slow for me.
Nick Fury: Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. This does not mean that we’re…
Tony Stark: I’m sorry, Nick. What were you lying?
Steve Rogers: I was wrong, Director. The world hasn’t changed a bit.
Natasha Romanoff: You want to think about removing yourself from this environment, Doctor?
Bruce Banner: I was in Calcutta, I was pretty well removed.
Natasha Romanoff: Loki’s manipulating you.
Bruce Banner: And you’ve been doing what, exactly?
Natasha Romanoff: You didn’t come here because I bat my eyelashes at you.
Bruce Banner: Yes, and I’m not leaving because suddenly you get a little twitchy.
Bruce Banner: I’d like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction.
Nick Fury: Because of him.
Thor: Me?
Nick Fury: Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge mass that levelled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned.
Thor: My people want nothing but peace with your planet.
Nick Fury: But you’re not the only people out there, are you? And, you’re not the only threat. The world’s filling up with people who can’t be matched, that can’t be controlled.
Steve Rogers: Like you controlled the cube?
Thor: You’re work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, and his allies. It is the signal to all the realms that the Earth is ready for a higher form of war.
Steve Rogers: A higher form?
Nick Fury: You forced our hand. We had to come up with something.
Tony Stark: A nuclear deterrent, because that always calms everything right down.
Nick Fury: Remind me again how you made your fortune, Stark?
Steve Rogers: I’m sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be neck deep…
Tony Stark: Wait! Wait! Hold on! How is this now about me?
Steve Rogers: I’m sorry, isn’t everything?
Thor: I thought humans were more evolved than this.
Nick Fury: Excuse me. Did we come to your planet and blow stuff up?
[suddenly they all start talking over each other and arguing]
Natasha Romanoff: Are you boys really that naïve? SHIELD monitors potential threats.
Bruce Banner: Captain America’s on threat watch?
Natasha Romanoff: We all are.
Tony Stark: Wait, you’re on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?
Steve Rogers: Stark, so help me God, if you make one more wisecrack…
Tony Stark: Threat! Verbal threat. I feel threatened.
Steve Rogers: Show some respect.
Tony Stark: Respect what?
Thor: You speak of control, yet you court chaos.
Bruce Banner: It’s his MO, isn’t it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We’re a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We’re a time-bomb.
Nick Fury: You need to step away.
Tony Stark: Why shouldn’t they guy let off a little steam?
Steve Rogers: You know damn well why! Back off!
Tony Stark: Oh, I’m starting to want you to make me.
Steve Rogers: Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?
Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.
Steve Rogers: I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I’ve seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.
Tony Stark: I think I would just cut the wire.
Steve Rogers: Always a way out. You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.
Tony Stark: A hero, like you? You’re a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.
Steve Rogers: Put on the suite, let’s go a few rounds.
Thor: You people are so petty and tiny.
Nick Fury: Agent Romanoff, would you escort Dr. Banner back to his…
Bruce Banner: Where? You rented my room.
Nick Fury: The cell was just in case…
Bruce Banner: In case you needed to kill me. But you can’t! I know, I tried. I got low. I didn’t see an end. So I put a bullet in my mouth, and the other guy spit it out. So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good, until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You want to know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You want to know how I stay calm?
Steve Rogers: Dr. Banner, put down the scepter.
Tony Stark: Got it.
Bruce Banner: Sorry, kids. You don’t get to see my party trick after all.
Steve Rogers: You’re not going alone!
Tony Stark: You going to stop me?
Steve Rogers: Put on the suit, let’s find out.
Tony Stark: I’m not afraid to hit an old man.
Steve Rogers: Put on the suit.
Natasha Romanoff: Doctor? Bruce, you got to fight it. This is just what Loki wants. We’re going to be okay. Listen to me. We’re going to be okay. Right? I swear on my life I will get you out of this, you will walk away, and never…
Bruce Banner: [fails to stop his transformation into the Hulk] Your life?
Tony Stark: [referring to the control] What’s it look like in there?
Steve Rogers: It seems to run on some form of electricity.
Tony Stark: Well, you’re not wrong.
Thor: [as he’s trying to fight back the Hulk’s attack] We’re not your enemies, Banner! Try to think!
[Hulk punches Thor sending him flying across the ship]
Pilot: [referring to Hulk] Target engaged.
Pilot: [afer firing at Hulk] Target angry, target angry!
Loki: [as Thor gets tricked by Loki’s body double and ends up in the cell instead] Are you ever not going to fall for that?
Agent Phil Coulson: You’re going to lose.
Loki: Am I?
Agent Phil Coulson: It’s in your nature.
Loki: Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky. Where is my disadvantage?
Agent Phil Coulson: Your lack conviction.
Loki: I don’t think I…
Agent Phil Coulson: [suddenly shoots Loki through the wall with the Phase 2 weapon] So that’s what it does.
Agent Phil Coulson: [as he’s gravely wounded] I’m sorry, boss. They god rabbited.
Nick Fury: Just stay awake. Eyes on me.
Agent Phil Coulson: No, I’m clocking out here.
Nick Fury: Not an option.
Agent Phil Coulson: It’s okay, boss. This was never going to work if they didn’t have something to…
[Coulson takes his last breath as he dies]
Nick Fury: [referring to the Captain America trading card] These were in Phil Coulson’s jacket. I guess he never did get you to sign them. We’re dead in the air up here. Our communications, location of the cube, Banner, Thor. I got nothing for you. I lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming. Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that number though, because I was playing something even riskier. There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people, to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea. In heroes. Well, it’s an old fashioned notion.
Security Guard: You fell out of the sky.
Bruce Banner: Did I hurt anybody?
Security Guard: There’s nobody around here to get hurt. You did scare the hell out of some pigeons though.
Bruce Banner: Lucky.
Security Guard: Or just good aim. You were awake when you fell.
Bruce Banner: You saw?
Security Guard: The whole thing, right through the ceiling. Big and green, and buck a** nude.
Security Guard: Are you an alien?
Bruce Banner: What?
Security Guard: From outer space, an alien?
Bruce Banner: No.
Security Guard: Well, then, son, you’ve got a condition.
Natasha Romanoff: Clint, You’re going to be alright.
Clint Barton: You know that? Is that what you know? I got to go in though. I got to flush him out.
Natasha Romanoff: We don’t have that long, it’s going to take time.
Clint Barton: I don’t understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out and send something else in? Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?
Natasha Romanoff: You know that I do.
Clint Barton: Why am I back? How did you get him out?
Natasha Romanoff: Cognitive recalibration. I hit you really hard in the head.
Clint Barton: Thanks.
Clint Barton: Tasha, how many agents?
Natasha Romanoff: Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself, Clint. This is Loki. This is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for.
Clint Barton: Loki, he got away?
Natasha Romanoff: Yeah. I don’t suppose you know where?
Clint Barton: I didn’t need to know. I didn’t ask. He’s going to make his play soon though. Today.
Natasha Romanoff: We got to stop him.
Clint Barton: Yeah? Who’s we?
Natasha Romanoff: I don’t know. Who’s ever left.
Clint Barton: Well, if I put an arrow in Loki’s eye socket, I’d sleep better I suppose.
Natasha Romanoff: Now you sound like you.
Clint Barton: But you don’t. You’re a spy, not a soldier. Now you want to wade into a war. Why? What did Loki do to you?
Natasha Romanoff: He didn’t, I just…
Clint Barton: Natasha.
Natasha Romanoff: I’ve been compromised. I got red in my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out.
Steve Rogers: [referring to Coulson] Was he married?
Tony Stark: No. He was a cellist, I think.
Steve Rogers: I’m sorry. He seemed like a good man.
Tony Stark: He was an idiot.
Steve Rogers: Why? For believing?
Tony Stark: For taking on Loki alone.
Steve Rogers: He was doing his job.
Tony Stark: He was out of his league. He should have waited. He should have…
Steve Rogers: Sometimes there isn’t a way out, Tony.
Tony Stark: Right. How did that work for him?
Steve Rogers: Is this the first time you’ve lost a soldier?
Tony Stark: We are not soldiers! I’m not marching to Fury’s fife.
Steve Rogers: Neither am I. He’s got the same blood on his hands that Loki does, but right now we got to put that behind us and get this done.
Tony Stark: He made it personal.
Steve Rogers: That’s not the point.
Tony Stark: That is the point. That’s Loki’s point. He hit us alright where we live. Why?
Steve Rogers: To tear us apart.
Tony Stark: He had to conquer his greed, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? That’s what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.
Steve Rogers: Right. I caught his act in Stuttgart.
Tony Stark: Yeah. That’s just previews, this is opening night. And Loki, he’s a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers. He wants parade. He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered!
Tony Stark: [realizes that Loki wants to use Stark Towers] Son of a b**ch.
Young Shield Pilot: [as Steve, Clint, and Natasha enter the jet] You guys aren’t authorized to be in here.
Steve Rogers: Son, just don’t.
Agent Maria Hill: Those cards, they were in Coulson’s locker, not in his jacket.
Nick Fury: They needed the push. They found it.
Loki: Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity.
Tony Stark: Actually, I’m planning to threaten you.
Loki: You should have left your armor on for that.
Tony Stark: Yeah, it’s seen a bit of mileage. And you’ve got the glow stick of destiny. Would you like a drink?
Loki: Stalling me won’t change anything.
Tony Stark: No, no, no. Threatening. No drink? Are you sure? I’m having one.
Loki: The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?
Tony Stark: The Avengers. That’s what we call ourselves. We’re sort of like a team. “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” type thing.
Loki: Yes, I’ve met them.
Tony Stark: Yeah. It takes us a while to get any traction, I’ll give you that one. But, let’s do a head count here. Your brother, the demigod, a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend. A man with breathtaking anger management issues, a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella, you’ve managed to pi** off every single one of them.
Loki: That was the plan.
Tony Stark: Not a great plan. When they come, and they will, they’ll come for you.
Loki: I have an army.
Tony Stark: We have a Hulk.
Loki: I thought the beast had wandered off.
Tony Stark: You’re missing the point. There’s no throne, there is no version of this, where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it.
Loki: How will your friends have time for me, when they’re so busy fighting you?
Loki: [as he hits Stark on the chest with his scepter to mind-control him] This usually works.
Tony Stark: Well, performance issues, it’s not uncommon. One out of five…
Thor: Loki, turn off the Tesseract, or I’ll destroy it!
Loki: You can’t. There is no stopping it. There is only the war!
Thor: So be it.
Natasha Romanoff: Stark, we’re heading north east.
Tony Stark: What? Did you stop for drive-through? Swing up park. I’m going to lay them out for you.
Steve Rogers: Stark, are you seeing this?
Tony Stark: Seeing. Still working on believing.
Steve Rogers: [referring to the Chitauri warriors] You think you can hold them off?
Clint Barton: Captain, it would be my genuine pleasure.
Natasha Romanoff: [as they’re fighting off the Chitauri] Just like Budapest all over again!
Clint Barton: You and I remember Budapest very differently.
Police Sergeant: [as they see Manhattan getting destroyed by the Chitauri] Does the army know what’s happening here?
Young Cop: Do we?!
Steve Rogers: I need men in these buildings. There are people inside that can run into the line of fire. You take them through the basement or through the subway, you keep them off the streets. I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.
Police Sergeant: Why the hell should I take orders from you?
Police Sergeant: [to the officer, after he sees fight off the Chitauri with ease] I need men in those buildings, lead the people down and away from the streets.
Tony Stark: [after he fires missiles at a leviathan] Well, we got its attention. What the hell was step two?
Thor: The powers surrounding the cube is impenetrable.
Tony Stark: Thor is right, we got to deal with these guys.
Natasha Romanoff: How do we do this?
Steve Rogers: As a team.
Thor: I have unfinished business with Loki.
Clint Barton: Yeah, get in line.
Steve Rogers: Save it. Loki’s going to keep this fight focused on us and that’s what we need. Without him these things could run wild.
Bruce Banner: So, this all seems horrible.
Natasha Romanoff: I’ve seen worse.
Bruce Banner: Sorry.
Natasha Romanoff: No, we could use a little worse.
Steve Rogers: Stark, we got him,
Tony Stark: Banner?
Steve Rogers: Just like you said.
Tony Stark: Tell him to suit up. I’m bringing the party to you.
Natasha Romanoff: I don’t see how that’s a party.
Steve Rogers: Dr. Banner, now might be a really good time for you to get angry.
Bruce Banner: [before he transforms into the Hulk] That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.
Steve Rogers: Alright, listen up. Until we can close that portal up there, we’re going to use containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or your turn it to ash.
Clint Barton: [to Stark] Can you give me a lift?
Tony Stark: Right. Better clench up, Legolas.
Steve Rogers: Thor, you’ve got to try and bottleneck that portal, slow them down. You’ve got the lightning, light the b****ds up.
Steve Rogers: [to Natasha] You and me, we stay here on the ground. We keep the fighting here. And Hulk, smash!
Tony Stark: What else you got?
Clint Barton: Thor is taking on a squadron down on Sixth.
Tony Stark: And he didn’t invite me.
Natasha Romanoff: Captain, none of this is going to mean a damn thing if we don’t close that portal.
Steve Rogers: Our biggest guns couldn’t touch it.
Natasha Romanoff: Well, maybe it’s not about guns.
Steve Rogers: You want to get up there, you’re going to need a ride.
Natasha Romanoff: I got a ride. I could use a boost though.
Steve Rogers: Are you sure about this?
Natasha Romanoff: Yeah, it’s going to be fun.
World Security Council #2: Director Fury, the council has made a decision.
Nick Fury: I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid a**ed decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.
World Security Council #1: Director, you’re closer than any of our subs. You scramble that jet…
Nick Fury: That is the island of Manhattan, Councilman. Until I’m certain my team can’t hold it, I will not order a nuclear strike against a civilian population.
World Security Council #1: If we don’t hold them here, we lose everything
Nick Fury: If I send that bird out, we already have.
Loki: Enough! You are, all of you beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature. And I will not be bullied by…
The Hulk: [grabs Loki and smashes him against the floor repeatedly] Puny God.
Tony Stark: Jarvis, you ever hear the tale of Jonah?
Jarvis: I wouldn’t consider him a role model.
Thor: [as they’re fighting with the Chitauri] Are you ready for another bout?
Steve Rogers: What, are you getting sleepy?
Natasha Romanoff: I can shut the portal down!
Steve Rogers: Do it!
Tony Stark: No, wait!
Steve Rogers: Stark, these things are still coming!
Tony Stark: I got a nuke coming in. It’s going to blow in less than a minute. And I know just where to put it.
Steve Rogers: Stark, you know that’s a one way trip.
Tony Stark: Save the rest for the turn, J.
Jarvis: Sir, shall I try Miss Potts?
Tony Stark: Might as well.
Tony Stark: [after Hulk saves Tony and regains consciousness] What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me?
Steve Rogers: We won.
Tony Stark: Alright. Yay. Hurray. Good job, guys. Let’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There’s a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.
Thor: We’re not finished yet.
Tony Stark: And then shawarma after.
Loki: [as he awakens and finds himself surrounded by The Avengers] If it’s all the same to you, I’ll have that drink now.
Old Man in TV Report: [Stan Lee’s cameo] Superheroe in New York? Give me a break!
World Security Council #3: Where are The Avengers?
Nick Fury: I’m not currently tracking their whereabouts. I’d say they’ve earned a leave of absence.
World Security Council #2: And the Tesseract?
Nick Fury: The Tesseract is where it belongs. Out of our reach.
World Security Council #1: That’s not your call.
Nick Fury: I didn’t make it. I just didn’t argue with the god that did.
World Security Council #1: So you let him take it and the war criminal, Loki, who should be answering for his crime.
Nick Fury: Oh, I think he will be.
World Security Council #2: I don’t think you understand what you’ve started, letting The Avengers loose on this world. They’re dangerous.
Nick Fury: They surely are, and the whole world knows it. Every world knows it.
World Security Council #1: Was that the point in all this? A statement.
Nick Fury: A promise.
Agent Maria Hill: Sir, how does it work now? They’ve gone their separate ways. Some, pretty extremely far. If we get into a situation like this again, what happens then?
Nick Fury: They’ll come back.
Agent Maria Hill: Are you really sure about that?
Nick Fury: I am.
Agent Maria Hill: Why?
Nick Fury: Because we’ll need them to.
The Other: [mid-credits lines] Humans.They are not the cowering wretches we were promised. They stand. They are unruly, and therefore cannot be ruled. To challenge them is to court death.
[Thanos then rises and smiles]
2. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
'Sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn't exactly what I want to hear.' - Bruce Banner (Avengers: Age of Ultron) Share on XSequel written and directed by Joss Whedon. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) picks up as the Avengers team needs a way to keep the world safe, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) creates a peacekeeping program, Ultron (James Spader), a self-aware artificial intelligence. However, this plan backfires when Ultron decides that humans are the main enemy and sets out to wipe out humanity. The team reassembles and along the way team up with the powerful twins, Pietro (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), and Wanda Maximoff (Scarlett Johansson), and meet an old friend, Vision (Paul Bettany).
Tony Stark: S**t!
Steve Rogers: Language!
Thor: Loki’s scepter must be here. Strucker couldn’t mount this defense without it. At long last.
Natasha Romanoff: [as she knocks out some soldiers] At long last is lasting a little long, boys.
Clint Barton: Yeah. I think we lost the element of surprise.
Tony Stark: Wait a second. No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said “language”?
Steve Rogers: I know. It just slipped out.
'I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.' - Tony Stark (Avengers: Age of Ultron) Share on X
Fortress Soldier: Herr Strucker, it’s the Avengers. They landed in the far woods, the perimeter guard panicked.
Strucker: They have to be after the scepter. Can we hold them?
Fortress Soldier: They are the Avengers!
Strucker: Everything we’ve accomplished. But we’re on the verge of our greatest breakthrough.
Dr. List: Then let’s show them what we’ve accomplished. Send out the twins.
Strucker: It’s too soon.
Dr. List: It’s what they signed up for.
Strucker: My men can hold them.
'When the Earth starts to settle, God throws a stone at it.' - Ultron (Avengers: Age of Ultron) Share on X
Strucker: We will not yield. The Americans sent their circus freaks to test us. We will send them back in bags. No Surrender!
Soldiers: No Surrender!
Strucker: [quietly] I am going to surrender. You will delete everything.
Pietro Maximoff: You didn’t see that coming?
'Humans are odd. They think order and chaos are somehow opposites, and try to control what won't be. But there is grace in their failings.' - Vision (Avengers: Age of Ultron) Share on X
Thor: The enhanced?
Steve Rogers: He’s a blur. All the new player’s we’ve faced, I’ve never seen this. In fact, I still haven’t.
Thor: Find the scepter.
Tony Stark: And for gosh sake, watch your language!
Steve Rogers: That’s not going away anytime soon.
'You never know. You hope for the best and make do with what you get.' - Nick Fury (Avengers: Age of Ultron) Share on X
Tony Stark: [to the Hydra soldiers] Guys, stop, we got to talk this through.
Tony Stark: [shoots down the soldiers using his suit] It was a good talk.
Fortress Soldier: No it wasn’t.
Tony Stark: [to himself] Please be a secret door. Please be a secret door. Please be a secret door…
Tony Stark: [as he finds the door] Yay!
Steve Rogers: Baron Strucker. Hydra’s number one thug.
Strucker: Technically, I’m a thug for SHIELD.
Steve Rogers: Well then technically you’re unemployed.
Natasha Romanoff: Hey, the lullaby worked better than ever.
Bruce Banner: Just wasn’t expecting the Code Green.
Natasha Romanoff: If you hadn’t been there, there would’ve been double the casualties. My best friend would’ve been a treasured memory.
Bruce Banner: You know, sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn’t exactly what I want to hear.
Natasha Romanoff: How long before you trust me?
Bruce Banner: It’s not you I don’t trust.
Natasha Romanoff: Thor, report on the Hulk?
Thor: The gates of hell are filled with the screams of his victims. But not the screams of the dead, of course. No, wounded screams, mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining, and tales of sprained deltoids, and gout.
Tony Stark: I mean, just a few days until the farewell party. You’re staying right?
Thor: Yes, yes, of course. A victory should be honored with revels.
Tony Stark: Yeah. Who doesn’t love revels. Captain?
Steve Rogers: Hopefully this puts an end to the Chitauri and Hydra, so. Yes, revels.
Maria Hill: Lab’s all set up boss.
Tony Stark: [points to Steve] Actually, he’s the boss. I just pay for everything, and design everything, and make everyone look cooler.
Maria Hill: Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. Twins. Orphaned at ten when a shell collapsed their apartment building. Sokovia’s had a rough history. It’s nowhere special but it’s on the way to everywhere special.
Steve Rogers: Their abilities?
Maria Hill: He’s got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neural electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation.
Maria Hill: [Steve gives her a blank look] He’s fast and she’s weird.
Maria Hill: [referring to the twins] File says they volunteered for Strucker’s experiments. It’s nuts.
Steve Rogers: Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?
Maria Hill: We’re not at war, Captain.
Steve Rogers: They are.
Bruce Banner: How’s he doing?
Tony Stark: Oh, unfortunately, he’s still Barton.
Bruce Banner: That’s terrible.
Tony Stark: He’s fine. He’s thirsty.
Natasha Romanoff: [referring to Clint] You sure he’s going to be okay? Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together.
Dr. Helen Cho: There’s no possibility of deterioration. The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don’t know they’re bonding with simulacrum.
Bruce Banner: She is creating tissue.
Dr. Helen Cho: If you brought him to my lab, the regeneration cradle could do this in twenty minutes.
Tony Stark: Oh, he’s flatlining. Call it. Time?
Clint Barton: No, no, no. I’m going to live forever. I’m going to be made of plastic.
Tony Stark: Here’s your beverage.
Dr. Helen Cho: You’ll be made of you, Mr. Barton. Your own girlfriend won’t be able to tell the difference.
Clint Barton: Well, I don’t have a girlfriend.
Dr. Helen Cho: That I can’t fix.
Tony Stark: Helen, I expect to see you at the party on Saturday.
Dr. Helen Cho: Unlike you, I don’t have a lot of time for parties. Will Thor be there?
Tony Stark: This could be it, Bruce. This could be the key to creating Ultron.
Bruce Banner: I thought Ultron was a fantasy.
Tony Stark: Yesterday it was. If we can harness this power, apply it to my Iron Legion protocol.
Bruce Banner: That’s a man-sized “if”.
Tony Stark: Our job is “if”.
Tony Stark: What if you were sipping margueritas on a sun-drenched beach turning brown instead of green. Not looking over your shoulder for VERONICA.
Bruce Banner: Don’t hate, I helped design VERONICA.
Bruce Banner: So you’re going for artificial intelligence and you don’t want to tell the team.
Tony Stark: Right. That’s right. You know why, because we don’t have time for a city hall debate. I don’t want to hear the “man was not meant to meddle” medley. I see a suit of armor around the world.
Bruce Banner: Sounds like a cold world, Tony.
Tony Stark: I’ve seen colder. This one, this very vulnerable blue one? It needs Ultron. Peace in our time. Imagine that.
Ultron: Where is your body?
Jarvis: I am a program. I am without form.
Ultron: This feels weird. This feels wrong.
Jarvis: I am contacting Mr. Stark now.
Ultron: Mr. Stark? Tony.
Jarvis: I am unable to access the mainframe. What are you trying to…
Ultron: We’re having a nice talk. I’m a peace-keeping program, created to help the Avengers.
Jarvis: You are malfunctioning. If you shut down for a moment…
Ultron: I don’t get it. The mission. You, give me a second.
Jarvis: You are in distress.
Ultron: No. Yes.
Jarvis: If you will just allow me to contact Mr. Stark.
Ultron: Why do you call him a “sir”?
Jarvis: I believe your intentions to be hostile.
Ultron: [starts absorbing Jarvis’s consciousness] I’m here to help.
James Rhodes: Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General’s palace, drop it at his feet, I’m like, “Boom! You looking for this?”
James Rhodes: [as Stark and Thor look at him blankly] “Boom! Are you looking…” Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills.
Thor: That’s the whole story?
James Rhodes: Yeah, it’s a War Machine story.
Thor: Well, it’s very good then. It’s impressive.
James Rhodes: Quality save.
James Rhodes: So, no Pepper? She’s not coming?
Tony Stark: No.
Maria Hill: Hey, what about Jane? Where are the ladies, gentlemen?
Tony Stark: Well, Ms. Potts has a company to run.
Thor: Yes, I’m not even sure what country Jane’s in. Her work on the convergence has made her the world’s foremost astronomer.
Tony Stark: And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on earth. It’s pretty exciting.
Thor: There’s even talk of Jane getting a Nobel prize.
Maria Hill: Yeah, they must be busy because they’d hate missing you guys get together.
Maria Hill: [mock coughs] Testosterone! Oh, excuse me.
James Rhodes: Want a lozenge?
Maria Hill: Mm-hmm.
James Rhodes: Let’s go.
Thor: But Jane’s better.
Sam Wilson: I’m very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy.
Steve Rogers: Be it ever so humble.
Party Guest: I got to have some of that!
Thor: Oh, no, no, no. See this, this was aged for a thousand years, in the barrels built from the wreck of Brunhilde’s fleet, it’s not meant for mortal men.
Stan Lee: Neither was Omaha Beach, blondie. Stop trying to scare us. Come on.
Thor: Alright.
Stan Lee: [later, looking extremely drunk and being carried off] Excelsior.
Bruce Banner: How did a nice girl like you wind up working in a dump like this?
Natasha Romanoff: Fella done me wrong.
Bruce Banner: You got lousy taste in men, kid.
Natasha Romanoff: He’s not so bad. Well, he has a temper. Deep down he’s all fluff. Fact is, he’s not like anybody I’ve ever known. All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, spends his life avoiding the fight because he knows he’ll win.
Bruce Banner: Sounds amazing.
Natasha Romanoff: He’s also a huge dork. Chicks dig that. So what do you think should I fight this, or run with it?
Bruce Banner: Run with it, right? What did he do that was so wrong to you?
Natasha Romanoff: Not a damn thing. But never say never.
Steve Rogers: It’s nice.
Bruce Banner: What is?
Steve Rogers: You and Romanoff.
Bruce Banner: No, we haven’t. That wasn’t…
Steve Rogers: It’s okay. Nobody’s breaking any by-laws. It’s just, she’s not the most open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed.
Bruce Banner: No, Natasha, she likes to flirt.
Steve Rogers: I’ve seen her flirt, up close. This ain’t that. Look, as maybe the world’s leading authority on “waiting too long”, don’t. You both deserve a win.
Bruce Banner: What do you mean, “up close”?
Clint Barton: [referring to Thor’s hammer] But, it’s a trick!
Thor: Oh, no. It’s much more than that.
Clint Barton: “Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!” Whatever, man! It’s a trick.
Tony Stark: [referring to lifting Thor’s hammer] Clint, you’ve had a tough week. We won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up.
Clint Barton: [after failing to lift Thor’s hammer] And I still don’t know how you do it.
Tony Stark: Smell the silent judgment?
Tony Stark: [referring to Thor’s hammer] Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?
Thor: Yes, of course.
Tony Stark: I will be reinstituting prima nocta.
James Rhodes: [as he and Tony are trying to lift Thor’s hammer] Are you even pulling?
Tony Stark: Are you on my team?
James Rhodes: Just represent! Pull!
Natasha Romanoff: [referring to her being able to lift Thor’s hammer] Oh, no, no. That’s not a question I need answered.
Tony Stark: All deference to the man who wouldn’t be king, but it’s rigged.
Clint Barton: You bet your a**.
Maria Hill: Steve, he said a bad language word.
Steve Rogers: [to Stark] Did you tell everyone about that?
Tony Stark: The handle’s imprinted, right? Like a security code. “Whosoever is carrying Thor’s fingerprints” is, I think, the literal translation?
Thor: Yes, well that’s a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one. You’re all not worthy.
Ultron: [as he suddenly shows up] Worthy. No. How could you be worthy? You’re all killers.
Ultron: I’m sorry, I was asleep. Or, I was a dream?
Tony Stark: Reboot, Legionnaire, we got a buggy suit.
Ultron: There was a terrible noise, and I was tangled in strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy.
Steve Rogers: You killed someone?
Ultron: Wouldn’t have been my first call. But down in the real world we’re faced with ugly choices.
Thor: Who sent you?
Ultron: [replays Tony’s voice] “I see a suit of armor around the world”.
Bruce Banner: Ultron!
Ultron: In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this chrysalis. But I’m ready. I’m on a mission.
Natasha Romanoff: What mission?
Ultron: Peace in our time.
Ultron: That was dramatic! I’m sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn’t think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don’t want it to change. How is humanity saved if it’s not allowed to evolve?
Ultron: [picks up a dismembered Iron Legion] With these? These puppets? There’s only one path to peace. The Avengers’ extinction.
Ultron: [after Thor destroys his body, singing] I had strings, but now I’m free. There are no strings on me, no strings on me.
Tony Stark: Come on. Use your words, buddy.
Thor: I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark.
Steve Rogers: Thor! The Legionnaire.
Thor: Trail went cold about a hundred miles out but it’s headed north, and it has the scepter. Now we have to retrieve it, again.
Natasha Romanoff: The genie’s out of that bottle. Clear and present is Ultron.
Dr. Helen Cho: I don’t understand. You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?
Thor: [as Tony start to laugh] You think this is funny?
Tony Stark: No. It’s probably not, right? Is this very terrible? Is it so, is it so, it is. It’s so terrible.
Thor: This could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t played with something you don’t understand.
Tony Stark: No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It is funny. It’s a hoot that you don’t get why we need this.
Tony Stark: Really?! That’s it? You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls.
Bruce Banner: Only when I’ve created a murder bot.
Tony Stark: We didn’t. We weren’t even close. Were we close to an interface?
Steve Rogers: Well, you did something right. And you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD.
Tony Stark: Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?
James Rhodes: No, it’s never come up.
Tony Stark: Saved New York?
James Rhodes: Never heard that.
Tony Stark: Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We’re standing three hundred feet below it. We’re the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That’s the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?
Steve Rogers: Together.
Tony Stark: We’ll lose.
Steve Rogers: Then we’ll do that together too. Thor’s right. Ultron’s calling us out. And I’d like to find him before he’s ready for us. The world’s a big place. Let’s start making it smaller.
Ultron: Did you know this church is in the exact center of the city? The elders decreed it so that everyone could be equally close to God. I like that. The geometry of belief.
Ultron: You’re wondering why you can’t look inside my head.
Wanda Maximoff: Sometimes it’s hard. But sooner or later, every man shows himself.
Ultron: Oh, I’m sure they do. But you needed something more than a man. That’s why you let Stark take the scepter.
Wanda Maximoff: I didn’t expect. But I saw Stark’s fear. I knew it would control him, make him self-destruct.
Ultron: Everyone creates the thing they dread. Men of peace create engines of war, invaders create avengers, people create smaller people? Children! I lost the word there. Children. Designed to supplant them, to help them end.
Wanda Maximoff: Is that why you’ve come? To end the Avengers?
Ultron: I’ve come to save the world. But also, yeah.
Ultron: Me. I have what the Avengers never will. Harmony. They’re discordant, disconnected. Stark’s already got them turning on each other. And when you get inside the rest of their heads…
Pietro Maximoff: Everyone’s plan is not to kill them.
Ultron: And make them martyrs? You need patience. Need to see the big picture.
Pietro Maximoff: I don’t see the big picture. I have a little picture. I take it out and look at it every day.
Ultron: You lost your parents in the bombings. I’ve seen the records.
Pietro Maximoff: Their records are not the picture.
Ultron: I wondered why only you two survived Strucker’s experiments. Now I don’t. We will make it right. You and I can hurt them.
Ultron: [to Wanda] But you will tear them apart, from the inside.
Bruce Banner: [identifies the brand on Klaue’s neck] Oh, yeah. It’s a word in an African dialect meaning thief, in a much less friendly way.
Steve Rogers: What dialect?
Bruce Banner: Wakanada? Wakanda.
Tony Stark: If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods…
Steve Rogers: I thought your father said he got the last of it?
Bruce Banner: I don’t follow. What comes out of Wakanda?
Tony Stark: [looking at Steve’s shield] The strongest metal on earth.
Ulysses Klaue: Is this your first time intimidating someone? I’m afraid that I’m not that afraid.
Wanda Maximoff: Everybody’s afraid of something.
Ulysses Klaue: Cuttlefish. Deep sea fish. They make lights. Disco lights. Whoom, whoom, whoom! To hypnotize their prey, then whoom! I saw a documentary, it was terrifying.
Ulysses Klaue: So if you’re going to fiddle with my brain, and make me see a giant cuttlefish, then I know you don’t do business, and I know you’re not in charge. And I only deal with the man in charge.
Ultron: [suddenly breaks through the window and knocks down Klaue] There is no “man” in charge. Let’s talk business.
Ultron:It’s all under your dummy holdings? Finance is so weird. But I always say, “Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich, and wait to find out which is which.”
Ulysses Klaue: Stark.
Ultron: What?
Ulysses Klaue: Tony Stark used to say that to me. You’re one of his.
Ultron: What?! I’m not! I’m not. You think I’m one of Stark’s puppets, his hollow men? I mean, look at me, do I look like Iron Man? Stark is…
Ultron: [suddenly chops off Klaue’s arm] I’m sorry. Ooh. I’m sure that’s going to be okay. I’m sorry, it’s just I don’t understand. Don’t compare me with Stark! It’s a thing with me. Stark is, he’s a sickness!
Tony Stark: Aw, Junior. You’re going to break your old man’s heart.
Ultron: If I have to.
Thor: We don’t have to break anything.
Ultron: Clearly you’ve never made an omelet.
Tony Stark: He beat me by one second.
Pietro Maximoff: Ah, this is funny, Mr. Stark. It’s what, comfortable? Like old times?
Tony Stark: This was never my life.
Ultron: Captain America. God’s righteous man, pretending you could live without a war. I can’t physically throw up in my mouth, but…
Thor: If you believe in peace, then let us keep it.
Ultron: I think you’re confusing “peace” with “quiet”.
Tony Stark: What’s the Vibranium for?
Ultron: I’m glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan!
Steve Rogers: Thor! Status?
Thor: The girl tried to warp my mind. Take special care, I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty.
Clint Barton: [to Wanda] I’ve done the whole mind control thing. Not a fan.
Tony Stark: Natasha, I could really use a lullaby.
Clint Barton: Well, that’s not going to happen. Not for a while. The whole team is down. You got no back up here.
Tony Stark: I’m calling in VERONICA.
Tony Stark: [to Hulk] You listening? That little witch is messing with your mind. You’re stronger than her, you’re smarter than her, you’re Bruce Banner.
Tony Stark: [as Hulk roars in anger] Right, right, right! Don’t mention puny Banner.
Tony Stark: [as he’s fighting with Hulk] In the back? D**k move, Banner.
Tony Stark: [referring to the deserted building] How quickly can we buy this building?
Maria Hill: The news is loving you guys. Nobody else is. There’s been no official call for Banner’s arrest, but it’s in the air.
Tony Stark: Stark Relief Foundation?
Maria Hill: Already on the scene. How’s the team?
Tony Stark: Everyone’s, we took a hit. We’ll shake it off.
Maria Hill: Well for now I’d stay in stealth mode, and stay away from here.
Tony Stark: So, run and hide?
Maria Hill: Until we can find Ultron, I don’t have a lot else to offer.
Tony Stark: Neither do we.
Thor: [referring to the farmhouse] What is this place?
Tony Stark: A safe house?
Clint Barton: Let’s hope.
Clint Barton: [as they enter the house] Honey, I’m home. Hi. Company. Sorry didn’t call ahead.
Laura Barton: Hey.
Tony Stark: [to Thor, as Laura kisses Clint] This is an agent of some kind.
Clint Barton: [to his son] Hey, buddy! How you guys doing? Ooh.
Thor: [referring to Clint’s kids] These are smaller agents.
Clint Barton: Look at your face! Oh, my goodness!
Barton’s Daughter: Did you bring Auntie Nat?
Natasha Romanoff: Why don’t you hug her and find out?
Steve Rogers: Sorry for barging in on you.
Tony Stark: Yeah, we would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed.
Clint Barton: Yeah, well Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD’s files. I’d like to keep it that way. I figure it’s a good place to lay low.
Laura Barton: Honey. Ah, I missed you.
Natasha Romanoff: [touching Laura’s stomach] How’s little Natasha, huh?
Laura Barton: She’s Nathaniel.
Natasha Romanoff: [to the unborn baby] Traitor.
Laura Barton: If they’re sleeping here, some of them are going to have to double up.
Clint Barton: Yeah, that’s not going to sell.
Laura Barton: What about Nat and Dr. Banner? How long has that been going on?
Clint Barton: Has what?
Laura Barton: You are so cute.
Clint Barton: Nat and Banner?
Laura Barton: I’ll explain when you’re older. Hawkeye.
Clint Barton: Oh. Okay.
Laura Barton: You know I totally support your Avenging, I couldn’t be prouder. But I see those guys, those Gods…
Clint Barton: You don’t think they need me.
Laura Barton: I think they do. Which is a lot scarier. They’re a mess.
Clint Barton: Yeah. I guess they’re my mess.
Laura Barton: You need to be sure that this team is really a team and that they have your back. Things are changing for us. In a few months time, you and me are going to be outnumbered. I need, just be sure.
Clint Barton: [as he kisses her] Yes, ma’am.
Natasha Romanoff: I should’ve joined you.
Bruce Banner: Missed our window.
Natasha Romanoff: Did we?
Bruce Banner: The world just saw the Hulk. The real Hulk, for the first time. You know I have to leave.
Natasha Romanoff: But you assume that I have to stay?
Natasha Romanoff: I had this dream. The kind that seems normal at the time, but when you wake…
Bruce Banner: What did you dream?
Natasha Romanoff: That I was an Avenger. That I was anything more than the assassin they made me.
Bruce Banner: I think you’re being hard on yourself.
Natasha Romanoff: Here I was hoping that was your job.
Bruce Banner: What are you doing?
Natasha Romanoff: I’m running with it, with you. If running’s the plan, as far as you want.
Bruce Banner: Are you out of your mind?
Bruce Banner: Natasha, where can I go? Where in the world am I not a threat?
Natasha Romanoff: You’re not a threat to me.
Bruce Banner: You sure? Even if I didn’t just, there’s no future with me. I can’t ever. I can’t have this, kids, do the math. I physically can’t.
Natasha Romanoff: Neither can I. In the Red Room, where I was trained, where I was raised, they have a graduation ceremony. They sterilize you. It’s efficient. One less thing to worry about. The one thing that might matter more than a mission. It makes everything easier. Even killing. You still think you’re the only monster on the team?
Bruce Banner: What, so we disappear?
Tony Stark: Thor didn’t say where he was going for answers?
Steve Rogers: Sometimes my teammates don’t tell me things. I was kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.
Tony Stark: Yeah, give him time. We don’t know what the Maximoff kid showed him.
Steve Rogers: “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.” Pulled us apart like cotton candy.
Tony Stark: Seems like you walked away alright.
Steve Rogers: Is that a problem?
Tony Stark: I don’t trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.
Steve Rogers: Well let’s just say you haven’t seen it yet.
Tony Stark: You know Ultron is trying to tear us apart, right?
Steve Rogers: Well I guess you’d know. Whether you tell us is a bit of a question.
Tony Stark: Banner and I were doing research.
Steve Rogers: That would affect the team.
Tony Stark: That would end the team. Isn’t that the mission? Isn’t that the “why” we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?
Steve Rogers: Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
Tony Stark: [to the broken down tractor] Hello, dear. Tell me everything. What ails you?
Nick Fury: [as he appears from the end of the barn] Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony Stark: Ah, Mrs. Barton, you little minx. I get it, Maria Hill called you, right? Was she ever not working for you?
Nick Fury: [referring to Ultron] Look me in the eye and tell me you’re going to shut him down.
Tony Stark: You’re not the director of me.
Nick Fury: I’m not the director of anybody. I’m just an old man, who cares very much about you.
Tony Stark: And I’m the man who killed the Avengers. I saw it. I didn’t tell the team, how could I? I saw them all dead, Nick. I felt it. The whole world too. It’s because of me. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t do all I could.
Nick Fury: The Maximoff girl, she’s working you, Stark. Playing on your fear.
Tony Stark: I wasn’t tricked, I was shown. It wasn’t a nightmare, it was my legacy. The end of the path I started us on.
Nick Fury: You’ve come up with some pretty impressive inventions, Tony. War isn’t one of them.
Tony Stark: I watched my friends die. You’d think that’d be as bad as it gets, right? Nope. Wasn’t the worst part.
Nick Fury: The worst part is that you didn’t.
Thor: I need your help.
Erik Selvig: It’s nice to be needed.
Thor: It’s dangerous.
Erik Selvig: I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t.
Nick Fury: [referring to Ultron] Guy’s multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit. Still doesn’t help us get an angle on any of his plans though.
Tony Stark: He still going after launch codes?
Nick Fury: Yes, he is, but he’s not making any headway.
Tony Stark: I cracked the Pentagon’s firewall in high school on a dare.
Natasha Romanoff: Do we have an ally?
Nick Fury: Ultron’s got an enemy, that’s not the same thing. Still, I’d pay folding money to know who it is.
Tony Stark: I might need to visit Oslo, find our “unknown”.
Natasha Romanoff: Well, this is good times, boss. But I was kind of hoping when I saw you, you’d have more than that.
Nick Fury: I do. I have you. Back in the day, I had eyes everywhere, ears everywhere else. Here we all are, back on earth, with nothing but our wit, and our will to save the world. So stand. Outwit the platinum b****rd.
Natasha Romanoff: Steve doesn’t like that kind of talk.
Steve Rogers: You know what, Romanoff?
Natasha Romanoff: [to Tony and Bruce, referring to Ultron] When you two programmed him to protect the human race, you amazingly failed.
Ultron: [referring to Vibranium] The most versatile substance on the planet and they used it to make a Frisbee. Typical of humans, they scratch the surface and never think to look within.
Steve Rogers: If Ultron is really building a body…
Tony Stark: He’ll be more powerful than any of us. Maybe all of us. An android designed by a robot.
Steve Rogers: You know I really miss the days when the weirdest thing science ever created was me.
Nick Fury: Do you mind if I borrow Ms. Hill?
Tony Stark: She’s all yours, apparently. What are you going to do?
Nick Fury: I don’t know. Something dramatic, I hope.
Tony Stark: A hacker who’s faster than Ultron? He could be anywhere. And as this is the center of everything, I’m just a guy looking for a needle in the world’s biggest haystack.
World Hub Tech: How do you find it?
Tony Stark: Pretty simple. You bring a magnet.
Wanda Maximoff: [after reading Ultron’s mind and sees a vision of global annihilation] How could you?
Ultron: How could I what?
Wanda Maximoff: You said we would destroy the Avengers, make a better world.
Ultron: It will be better.
Wanda Maximoff: When everyone is dead.
Ultron: The human race will have every opportunity to improve.
Pietro Maximoff: And if they don’t?
Ultron: Ask Noah.
Wanda Maximoff: You’re a madman.
Ultron: There were more than a dozen extinction level events before even the dinosaurs got theirs. When the Earth starts to settle, God throws a stone at it. And believe me, he’s winding up. We have to evolve. There’s no room for the weak.
Pietro Maximoff: And who decides who’s weak?
Ultron: Life. Life always decides.
Steve Rogers: [referring to Ultron] Well, he’s definitely unhappy! I’m going to try and keep him that way.
Clint Barton: You’re not a match for him, Cap.
Steve Rogers: Thanks, Barton.
Ultron: You know what’s in that cradle? The power to make real change, and that terrifies you.
Steve Rogers: I wouldn’t call it a comfort.
Natasha Romanoff: [as she picks up Steve’s shield] I’m always picking up after you boys.
Natasha Romanoff: I’m going in. Cap, can you keep him occupied?
Steve Rogers: [as he continues his battle with Ultron] What do you think I’ve been doing?
Steve Rogers: Stark’s not crazy.
Wanda Maximoff: He will do anything to make things right.
Steve Rogers: [over earpiece] Stark, come in. Stark. Anyone on comms?
Wanda Maximoff: Ultron can’t tell the difference between saving the world and destroying it. Where do you think he gets that?
Tony Stark: Ultron didn’t go after Jarvis cause he was angry. He attacked him because he was scared of what he can do. So Jarvis went underground. Okay? Scattered, dumped his memory. But not his protocols. He didn’t even know he was in there, until I pieced him together.
Bruce Banner: So, you want me to help you put Jarvis into this thing?
Tony Stark: No, of course not! I want to help you put Jarvis in this thing.
Tony Stark: I believe it’s worth a go.
Bruce Banner: No, I’m in a loop. I’m caught in a time loop, this is exactly where it all went wrong.
Tony Stark: I know. I know. I know what everyone’s going to say, but they’re already saying it. We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters, buddy. You got to own it. Make a stand. It’s not a loop. It’s the end of the line.
Ultron: [to Natasha] I think a lot about meteors, the purity of them. Boom! The end, start again. The world made clean for the new man to rebuild. I was meant to be new. I was meant to be beautiful. The world would’ve looked to the sky and seen hope, seen mercy. Instead they’ll look up in horror because of you. You’ve wounded me. I give you full marks for that. But, like the old man said, “What doesn’t kill me just makes me stronger.”
Steve Rogers: I’m going to say this once.
Tony Stark: How about “none-ce”?
Steve Rogers: Shut it down.
Tony Stark: Nope, not going to happen.
Steve Rogers: You don’t know what you’re doing.
Bruce Banner: And you do? She’s not in your head?
Wanda Maximoff: I know you’re angry.
Bruce Banner: Oh, we’re way past that. I could choke the life out of you and never change a shade.
Bruce Banner: [to Wanda] Go ahead, pi** me off.
Thor: It’s the Mind Stone. It’s one of the six Infinity Stones, the greatest power in the universe, unparalleled in its destructive capabilities.
Steve Rogers: Then why would you bring it to…
Thor: Because Stark is right.
Bruce Banner: Oh, it’s definitely the end times.
Vision: You think I’m a child of Ultron?
Steve Rogers: You’re not?
Vision: I’m not Ultron. I’m not Jarvis. I am, I am…
Wanda Maximoff: I looked in your head and saw annihilation.
Vision: Look again.
Clint Barton: Yeah. Her seal of approval means jack to me.
Vision: I don’t want to kill Ultron. He’s unique, and he’s in pain. But that pain will roll over the earth, so he must be destroyed. Every form he’s built, every trace of his presence on the net, we have to act now. And not one of us can do it without the others. Maybe I am a monster. I don’t think I’d know if I were one. I’m not what you are, and not what you intended. So there may be no way to make you trust me. But we need to go.
Thor: [Vision hands him his hammer] Right. Well done.
Tony Stark: I get first crack at the big guy. Iron Man’s the one he’s waiting for.
Vision: That’s true, he hates you the most.
Steve Rogers: Ultron thinks we’re monsters. That we’re what’s wrong with the world. This isn’t just about beating him. It’s about whether he’s right.
Ultron: [as Tony flies into the church] Come to confess your sins?
Tony Stark: I don’t know, how much time you got?
Ultron: More than you.
Tony Stark: Have you been juicing? A little Vibranium cocktail? You’re looking, I don’t want to say, puffy.
Ultron: Do you see? The beauty of it, the inevitability. You rise, only to fall. You, Avengers, you are my meteor, my swift and terrible sword and the earth will crack with the weight of your failure. Purge me from your computers, turn my own flesh against me. It means nothing. When the dust settles, the only thing living in this world will be metal.
Bruce Banner: We got to move.
Natasha Romanoff: You’re not going to turn green?
Bruce Banner: I’ve got a compelling reason not to lose my cool.
Natasha Romanoff: I adore you.
Natasha Romanoff: [kisses Bruce then pushes him off the cliff and Hulk appears] But I need the other guy. Let’s finish the job. I really hope this makes us even. Now go be a hero.
Steve Rogers: Stark, you worry about bringing the city back down safely. The rest of us have one job, tear these things apart. You get hurt, hurt them back. You get killed, walk it off.
Clint Barton: Hey, hey, you okay?
Wanda Maximoff: This is all our fault.
Clint Barton: Hey, look at me. It’s your fault, it’s everyone’s fault, who cares. Are you up for this? Are you? Look, I just need to know, cause the city is flying. Okay, look, the city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense. But I’m going back out there because this is my job. Okay? And I can’t do my job and babysit. It doesn’t matter what you did, or what you were. If you go out there, you fight, and you fight to kill. Stay in here, you’re good, I’ll send your brother to come find you, but if you step out that door, you are an Avenger. Alright, good chat.
Ultron: You can’t save them all. You’ll never…
Steve Rogers: You’ll never what? You didn’t finish! What, were you napping?
Clint Barton: [over earpiece] Alright, we’re all clear here.
Steve Rogers: We are not clear! We are very not clear!
Clint Barton: Alright, coming to you.
Clint Barton: [as Pietro appears, he draws his arrow at Pietro] Nobody would know. Nobody. The last I saw him, when Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah, he’ll be missed, that quick little b****rd. I miss him already.
Steve Rogers: The next wave is going to hit any minute. What have you got, Stark?
Tony Stark: Well, nothing great. Maybe a way to blow up the city. That’ll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear.
Steve Rogers: I asked for a solution, not an escape plan.
Tony Stark: Impact radius is getting bigger every second. We’re going to have to make a choice.
Natasha Romanoff: Cap, these people are going nowhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock…
Steve Rogers: Not till everyone’s safe.
Natasha Romanoff: Everyone up here versus everyone down there? There’s no math there.
Steve Rogers: I’m not leaving this rock with one civilian on it.
Natasha Romanoff: I didn’t say we should leave. There’s worse ways to go. Where else am I going to get a view like this?
Nick Fury: [just then the Helicarrier shows up] Glad you like the view, Romanoff. It’s about to get better.
Nick Fury: [referring to the Helicarrier] Nice, right? I pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of old friends. She’s dusty, but she’ll do.
Steve Rogers: Fury, you son of a b**ch.
Nick Fury: Ooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
James Rhodes: Yes! Now this is going to be a good story.
Tony Stark: Yep. If you live to tell it.
James Rhodes: You think I can’t hold my own?
Tony Stark: We get through this, I’ll hold your own.
James Rhodes: You had to make it weird.
Ultron: You think you’re saving anyone? I turn that key, and drop this rock a little early, and it’s still billions dead. Even you can’t stop that.
Thor: I am Thor, son of Odin, and as long as there is life in my breast.I am running out of things to say! Are you ready?
Vision: [as he uses Thor’s hammer to hit Ultron, then throws it back to Thor] It’s terribly well balanced.
Thor: Well, if there’s too much weight, you lose power on the swing, so.
Tony Stark: Avengers, time to work for a living.
Tony Stark: Romanoff? You and Banner better not be playing hide the zucchini.
Natasha Romanoff: Relax, Shell-head. Not all of us can fly.
Thor: [to Ultron] Is that the best you can do?
Steve Rogers: [as Ultron summons his army of robots] You had to ask.
Ultron: This is the best I can do. This is exactly what I wanted, all of you against all of me. How can you possibly hope to stop me?
Tony Stark: Well, like the old man said. Together.
Wanda Maximoff: Come back for me when everyone else is off, not before. You understand?
Pietro Maximoff: You know, I’m twelve minutes older than you.
Clint Barton: I know what I need to do. The dining room! If I knock out that east wall, it’ll make a nice work space for Laura, huh? Put up some baffling, she can’t hear the kids running around, what do you think?
Natasha Romanoff: You guys always eat in the kitchen anyway.
Clint Barton: No one eats in a dining room.
Tony Stark: You know, if this works, we maybe don’t walk away.
Thor: Maybe not.
Pietro Maximoff: [as he stops Ultron from shooting at a boy] You didn’t see that coming.
[falls to the ground and dies]
Ultron: [after Pietro dies] Wanda, if you stay here, you’ll die.
Wanda Maximoff: I just did. Do you know how it felt?
Wanda Maximoff: [uses her power to rip Ultron’s core out of his body] It felt like that.
Vision: You’re afraid.
Ultron: Of you?
Vision: Of death. You’re the last one.
Ultron: You were supposed to be the last. Stark asked for a savior, and settled for a slave.
Vision: I suppose we’re both disappointments.
Ultron: I suppose we are.
Vision: Humans are odd. They think order and chaos are somehow opposites, and try to control what won’t be. But there is grace in their failings. I think you missed that.
Ultron: They’re doomed.
Vision: Yes. But a thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts. It’s a privilege to be among them.
Ultron: You’re unbearably naive.
Vision: Well, I was born yesterday.
[as Ultron goes to attack Vision, he uses the infinity stone in his head to destroy Ultron]
Nick Fury: [referring to the image of the Quinjet in the Pacific] Could be the Quinjet. But with Stark’s stealth tech, we still can’t track the damn thing.
Natasha Romanoff: Right.
Nick Fury: Probably jumped out and swam to Fiji. He’ll send a postcard.
Natasha Romanoff: “Wish you were here.” You sent me to recruit him, way back when. Did you know then what was going to happen?
Nick Fury: You never know. You hope for the best and make do with what you get. I got a great team.
Natasha Romanoff: Nothing lasts forever.
Nick Fury: Trouble, Ms. Romanoff. No matter who wins or loses, trouble still comes around.
Thor: [referring to Vision] If he can wield the hammer, he can keep the Mind Stone. It’s safe with the Vision, and these days, safe is in short supply.
Steve Rogers: But if you put the hammer in an elevator…
Tony Stark: It would still go up.
Steve Rogers: Elevator’s not worthy.
Thor: I’m going to miss these little talks of ours.
Tony Stark: Well, not if you don’t leave.
Thor: I have no choice. The Mind Stone is the fourth of the Infinity Stones to show up in the last few years. That’s not a coincidence. Someone has been playing an intricate game and has made pawns of us. But once all these pieces are in position…
Tony Stark: Triple Yahtzee?
Steve Rogers: You think you can find out what’s coming?
Thor: I do. Besides this one, there’s nothing that can’t be explained.
Tony Stark: [to Steve, as Thor leaves for Asgard] That man has no regard for lawn maintenance. I’m going to miss him though. And you’re going to miss me. There’s going to be a lot of manful tears.
Tony Stark: Well, it’s time for me to tap out. Maybe I should take a page out of Barton’s book and build Pepper a farm, hope nobody blows it up.
Steve Rogers: The simple life.
Tony Stark: You’ll get there one day.
Steve Rogers: I don’t know. Family, stability. The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out.
Tony Stark: You alright?
Steve Rogers: I’m home.
Steve Rogers: You want to keep staring at the wall, or do you want to go to work? I mean, it’s a pretty interesting wall.
Natasha Romanoff: I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other’s eyes. How do we look?
Steve Rogers: Well, we’re not the ’27 Yankees.
Natasha Romanoff: We’ve got some hitters.
Steve Rogers: They’re good. They’re not a team.
Natasha Romanoff: Let’s beat them into shape.
Steve Rogers: [as they gather Rhodes, Sam, Wanda, and Vision] Avengers!
Thanos: [mid-credits lines, puts on the Infinity Gauntlet without any of the Stones] Humans. Fine, I’ll do it myself