Starring: Kristen Wiig, Annie Mumolo, Jamie Dornan, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Damon Wayans Jr., Michael Hitchcock, Kwame Patterson, Reyn Doi, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Mark Jonathan Davis, Tom Lenk, Hank Rogerson
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Comedy directed by Josh Greenbaum, and written by Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo. The story follows best friends Barb and Star (Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig), who embark on the adventure of a lifetime when they decide to leave their small Midwestern town for the first time ever to go on vacation in Vista Del Mar, Florida, where they soon find themselves tangled up in a villain’s evil plot to kill everyone in town.
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Our Favorite Quotes:'I don't really know more than what I've already said. And some of what I said I'm not even sure I actually know.' - Star (Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar) Click To Tweet 'There are good ships. And wood ships. And ships that sail the sea. But the best ships are friendships. And may they always be.' - Sea-Doo Guy (Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar) Click To Tweet
Sharon Gordon Fisherman: Well, I’m going to make myself a “suicide”. Just a little bit of root beer, traditional cola, just a touch of lemon-lime spritz, orange up, and my secret ingredient, just a dash of lemon-infused iced tea. I like the extra bite.
Barb: Whenever I watch those movies, where they’re in the 1800s. I can’t stop thinking, did everybody just… Gosh, I don’t want to be rude.
Star: Yes, I know. I think about it all the time.
Barb: They didn’t have deodorant!
Barb: They didn’t have toilets. They didn’t brush their teeth!
Star: Everyone had yellow teeth.
Barb: Yeah. Yellow teeth was just the regular color.
Star: I had a dream that I made love with that man on the Pringles can.
Barb: What flavor of Pringles was it?
Star: Plain. I like everything plain. Just plain.
Barb: Plain Pringles are the best.
Star: God, it’s so funny to think all the raccoons in the world are sleeping right now.
Star: Listen, I don’t really know more than what I’ve already said. And some of what I said I’m not even sure I actually know.
Star: This is our couch.
Barb: We’ve told each other so many things on this couch. Remember when you told me you were afraid you were addicted to caramel? That was right here on this couch!
Star: Caramel squares. God, I’m glad that’s over.
Star: The reason why we’re acting a little funny about this couch is because, well, we love it. It’s the truth.
Barb: We sit on it every day. It’s our talking couch, you know?
Sofa Customer: So you’re telling us not to buy the couch because you want to sit on it? At work?
Barb: That’s it. You get it. Yes.
Convertibles Bossman: Wait, Star, are you even supposed to be working today?
Star: Oh, I always come in when Barb works. She does the same. Don’t worry, you’re not paying us double.
Barb: Wait. I thought you were working today.
Star: No! I thought you were the one working.
Convertibles Bossman: But the good news is that the company is giving you severance.
Star: No. Severance? We don’t want to be severanced.
Barb: No! Please! This job is our lives! It’s our purpose. Where are we going to host Thanksgiving?
Convertibles Bossman: Well, you can… Wait, you come in here when the store is closed and host your Thanksgiving dinners?
Star, Barb: No.
Barb: We’ll find another job. This small town’s full of places looking to hire women in their forties.
Star: Yeah. That’s the attitude!
Barb: We’ll find something even better. I mean, we both have high school degrees.
Star: Well, you do.
Barb: Well, I don’t. I thought you did.
Star: Well, I don’t.
Mickey Revelet: [to Barb and Star] It’s this tiny little oasis on the coast of Florida. It’s people like us. Mid-lifers who still like to strut past the pool and stop the party dead in its tracks with a tube top and full jewelry. I’m not kidding. I feel like I got a soul-douche.
Mickey Revelet: And not that I was looking, but there are so many gorgeous men there. We’re talking Tommy Bahama from head to toe.
Barb, Star: Tommy Bahama.
Mickey Revelet: Put that with a twenty-four hour CVS, and you got yourself a party.
Debbie: Before we begin, I just want to thank Barb and Star for hosting tonight’s Talking Club, and for making their famous, usual hot dog soup. Again.
Star: You’re welcome.
Barb: It’s a simple recipe.
Debbie: Well, I love my job at the pharmacy. I get to play with the pills, and sometimes I shake them along to the music.
Bev: Barb and Star? What about you guys? I mean, you guys work at the hottest place in town!
Barb: Maybe socks would be a good topic.
Star: Oh, yes. I love the socks without ankle.
Debbie: Barb, Star, the topic is jobs. Tell us about your jobs.
Star: Sorry. The store closed! And the story we just told you about the delivery, and the men coming, and the trucks, and the nightstands, and the fabric samples, and the couches, and the tall guy, and the shorter guy that wasn’t as tall? That was a lie!
Debbie: We all know there are only three major rules in Talking Club. Rule number one, no sneakers. Rule number two, no swearing, except for the F word. Rule number three, no lying. You two are banned from the club.
Debbie: Ladies, grab your purses, and pocket books.
Barb: No, Debbie, please.
Star: Isn’t there like a three-strike rule, or something?
Barb: Please, we won’t do it again. This is all we have left! Can we just have one more chance?
Star: Sometimes I daydream. About life outside of this place. Maybe something is telling us to do something different.
Barb: Oh, my gosh. Yes.
Star: Yes? Oh!
Barb: Should we try those socks with individual toes?
Barb: What do they feel like? I’ve always wondered. I wonder how my toes will react. They’ve always been together. I think they’ll like it.
Star: [referring to the brochure] Look at these two people. Look how happy they are. Imagine that’s you and me riding on that banana boat. Just bouncing around, with our arms and legs spread wide open, with water and air going all inside of us.
Barb: This is dangerous. Things happen to people on trips. What if we get lost, or poisoned, or we get a rash? What if they put us in jail because they think we put drugs in our butts? What if we fall out of a car? Have you heard of traveler’s diarrhea, Star? Your stomach doesn’t care where you are, it just releases.
Star: We used to have fun. Remember that one time we went on a haunted hay ride?
Barb: And we got chased by that man with a Jack-o’-lantern head and a chainsaw.
Star: And then we heard later he wasn’t an actor. He just escaped from the local prison.
Barb: He was a real killer.
Star: Killer. He was trying to kill us.
Star: I mean, look all of our stories. They’re from the past. We don’t have any stories from now. I feel like we’re fading away.
Barb: I don’t want to fade away.
Barb: Let’s do it.
Barb: I can’t believe I’m saying this. Let’s throw caution to the wind like a couple of rock and rollers!
Star, Barb: Let’s go to Vista Del Mar.
Barb: Well, I was not prepared for that take off.
Star: Me neither. Ma’am, I apologize for screaming at the top of my lungs.
Barb: To me, a woman named Trish is a woman you can count on.
Star: Really has her act together. Athletic, natural.
Barb: Just real natural. And loves the holidays.
Barb: Trish loses one of her ears in a twister, but not her hearing.
Star: She’s a storm chaser.
Barb: Her mom doesn’t want her to be.
Star: Well, their relationship is tough. Trish has always wanted to be a portrait photographer. She loves people. She would always say, “A person’s face says a lot about how they look.”
Star: [sitting by the empty pool at their motel] Gosh. This is peaceful.
Barb: I like how the stains everywhere look like designs.
Star: Men find me disgusting, and I’m okay with it.
Barb: Star, if I said it once, I said it a million times. You could model for effing Chico’s, and I’m not just saying that.
Star: Chico’s? Come on. I wish.
Barb: Or Costco. I’m talking the Kirkland brand.
Star: Kirkland? Oh, my God.
Barb: Every time I think of frog legs I think of Kermit riding his bicycle, and how much he used his legs. He really needed them.
Star: He did. Oh, I feel bad now.
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