Starring: Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Simu Liu, Ncuti Gatwa, Emma Mackey, Alexandra Shipp, Connor Swindells, Will Ferrell, Michael Cera, Issa Rae, Hari Nef, Kingsley Ben-Adir. America Ferrera, Kate McKinnon, Ariana Greenblatt, Michael Cera, Hari Nef
OUR RATING: ★★★★☆
Story:
Fantasy adventure comedy, based on the famous Mattel doll franchise, directed and co-written by Greta Gerwig. Barbie (2023) is set in a world where Barbie (Margot Robbie) breaks the tradition of girls playing with baby dolls.
Where to Watch:
Best Quotes
Narrator: Since the beginning of time, since the first little girl ever existed, there have been dolls. But the dolls were always and forever baby dolls. The girls who played with them could only every play at being mother. Which can be fun. At least for a while anyway. Ask your mother. This continued until…
[the young girls see a large Barbie figure in a bathing suit]
Narrator: She might have started out as just a lady in a bathing suit, but she became so much more.
Narrator: Girls can grow into women who can achieve everything and anything they set their mind to. Thanks to Barbie all problems of feminism and equal rights have been solved. At least that’s what the Barbies think. After all, they’re living in Barbie Land. Who am I to burst their bubble?
Narrator: Midge was Barbie’s pregnant friend. Well let’s not show Midge actually. She was discontinued by Mattel, because a pregnant doll is just too weird.
'Why didn't Barbie tell me about patriarchy? Which, to my understanding, is where men and horses run everything?' - Ken (Barbie) Share on X
Lawyer Barbie: In our assessment, money is not speech and corporations have no free speech rights to begin with. So any claim on their part to be exercising their right is just their attempt to turn our democracy into a plutocracy. This makes me emotional and I’m expressing it. I have no difficulty holding both logic and feeling at the same time. And it does not diminish my powers. It expands them.
Narrator: Barbie has a great day every day. But Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.
Allan: Hi, Barbie.
Barbie: Oh, hi, Allan.
Narrator: There are no multiples of Allan. He’s just Allan.
Allan: Yeah, I’m confused about that.
Tourist Ken: Well, looks like this beach was a little too much beach for you, Ken.
Ken: If I wasn’t severely injured, I would beach you off right now, Ken.
Tourist Ken: I’ll beach off with you any day, Ken.
Basketball Ken: Anyone who wants to beach him off has to beach me off first.
Tourist Ken: I will beach both of you off at the same time.
Ken: But you don’t even know how to beach yourself off. How are you going to beach both of us off? It doesn’t make sense. You can’t even beach yourself off! You’re going to beach both of us off?!
Tourist Ken: Why are you being emotional?
Barbie: Come on, Kens. Nobody’s going to beach anyone off.
'Humans only have one end. Ideas live forever.' - Ruth (Barbie) Share on X
Dr. Barbie: Great. Not even broken. You’ll be fine.
Ken: Shredding waves is much more dangerous than people realize.
Barbie: You’re very brave, Ken.
Ken: Thank you, Barbie. You know surfer is not even my job.
Barbie: I know.
Ken: And it is not lifeguard. Which is a common misconception.
Writer Barbie: Very common.
Ken: Yeah, because actually my job, it’s just beach.
Dr. Barbie: Right. And what a good job you do at beach.
Ken: Can I come to your house tonight?
Barbie: Sure. I don’t have anything big planned. Just a giant blowout party with all the Barbies, and planned choreography, and a bespoke song. You should stop by.
Dr. Barbie: This is the best day ever.
Barbie: It is the best day ever. And so was yesterday, and so is tomorrow, and so was the day after tomorrow, and even Wednesdays, and every day from now until forever! Do you guys ever think about dying?
Ken: I thought I might stay over tonight.
Barbie: Why?
Ken: Because we’re girlfriend boyfriend.
Barbie: To do what?
Ken: I’m actually not sure.
'At first I thought the Real World was run by men. And then, there was a minute where I thought it was run by horses. But then I realized that horses are just men extenders.' - Ken (Barbie) Share on X
Barbie: I don’t even have context for this, but my feet, my heels are on the ground. I’m no longer on tiptoes.
Dr. Barbie: That’s okay. Let me see.
Dr. Barbie: [yells as Barbie shoes her feet] Flatfeet!
Barbie: I know I’m stereotypical Barbie, and therefore don’t form conjectures concerning the causality of adjacent unfolding events, but some things have been happening that might be related. Bad breath this morning. A cold shower. Burnt waffle. And falling off my roof.
Barbie: I would never wear heels if my feet were shaped this way.
Weird Barbie: What’s cooking good looking?
Weird Barbie: That Ken of yours, he is one nice looking little protein pot.
Barbie: I guess.
Weird Barbie: I’d like to see what kind of nude blob he’s packing under those jeans.
'Barbie Land is now Ken Land. And it's going to be just like Century City in Los Angeles. Because they had it all figured out in Century City.' - Ken (Barbie) Share on X
Weird Barbie: Now there is a rift in the continuum that is the membrane between Barbie Land and the Real World. And if you want to be stereotypical Barbie perfect again, then, baby girl, you’ve got to go fix it, or you’re going to keep going funny. Look at your upper thigh.
Barbie: What is that?
Weird Barbie: That’s cellulite. That’s going to spread everywhere. And then you’re going to start getting sad, and mushy, and complicated.
Barbie: No!
Weird Barbie: We’re all getting played with, babe.
Weird Barbie: There’s the girl, and the doll, and never the twains shall cross.
Weird Barbie: So, what will it be then? You can go back to your regular life, and forget any of this ever happened. Or you can know the truth about the universe. The choice is now yours.
Barbie: The first one. The high heel.
Weird Barbie: No. We’ll do a redo. You’re supposed to want to know.
Barbie: I don’t.
'If it weren't for these technicalities, like MBAs, medical degrees, and, I don't know, swim lessons, I could have ruled that world.' - Ken (Barbie) Share on X
Barbie: I’m not Adventure Barbie. I’m Stereotypical Barbie. I’m like the Barbie you think of when someone says, “Think of a Barbie.” That’s me.
Weird Barbie: I’m bummed. You’re a bummer. That’s a bummer.
Weird Barbie: You have to fix the rift yourself. Don’t blame me, blame Mattel. They make the rules.
Barbie: I don’t want too!
Weird Barbie: Fine. Get cellulite. I don’t care.
Weird Barbie: There’s actually no portal. It’s a figure of speech. It’s actually a sports car to a speedboat, to a rocketship, to a tandem bike, to a camper van, finally to a snowmobile. Which will take you most of the way to the state of Los Angeles, where you will don neon and rollerblades, and then through the country of California. Weird. I know. Best if you don’t think about it too much.
Barbie: And how do I get back?
Weird Barbie: The same way you came, but in reverse.
Barbie: Like I should move forward, but through the order backward.
Weird Barbie: Don’t overthink it.
Barbies: Bon voyage to reality, and good luck restoring the membrane that separates our world from theirs so you don’t get cellulite!
'That's life. It's all change.' - Gloria (Barbie) Share on X
Tourist Ken: I bet you’re scared, and I bet she doesn’t even want you to go.
Ken: Well you bet both those things incorrectly. And I bet in the opposite direction.
Tourist Ken: Which way is that? You don’t even know.
Ken: I made a double bet with Ken, and you can’t make me look uncool in front of Ken
Barbie: Ken’s not cool!
Ken: He is to me.
Ken: What if there’s beach? You’ll need someone who’s a professional in that.
Barbie: Did you bring your rollerblades?
Ken: I literally go nowhere without them.
'I'm just so tired of watching myself, and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.' - Gloria (Barbie) Share on X
Barbie: [after they arrive in the Real World] I feel kind of ill at ease. Like I don’t know the word for it, but I’m conscious, but it’s myself that I’m conscious of.
Ken: I’m not getting any of that. I feel what can only be described as “admire”. But not ogle. And there’s no undertone of violence.
Barbie: Mine very much has an undertone of violence.
Barbie: [to the construction workers] I don’t know exactly what you meant with all of those little quips, but I’m picking up on some sort of entendre, which appears to be double. And I would just like to inform you, I do not have a v***na. And he does not have a p**is. We don’t have genitals.
Ken: I have all the genitals.
Barbie: Jeez, you would think a construction site at lunchtime would be the perfect place for a little woman power. This one was so male.
'I'm just Ken. And I'm enough. And I'm great at doing stuff.' - Ken (Barbie) Share on X
Ken: I hate it when people think. It gets so boring.
Barbie: [as she starts to cry] That felt achy, but good.
Barbie: You’re so beautiful.
The Woman on the Bench: I know it.
'To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn't about horses, I had lost interest anyway.' - Ken (Barbie) Share on X
Gloria: I just started drawing these weird designs.
Aaron Dinkins: These are different.
Gloria: It’s Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie. Full Body Cellulite Barbie. Crippling Shame Barbie.
Mattel CEO: If this got out that our dolls were coming to Los Angeles from Barbie Land, as life sized versions of themselve, roaming the earth, this would be very bad. We’ve got a definite situation on our hands. Catastrophic! I can’t stress that enough!
Mattel CEO: No one rests until this doll is back in a box.
Sasha: So you’re like Barbie Barbie. Like a professional bimbo?
Barbie: No, Barbie’s not a bimbo. Barbie is a doctor, and a lawyer, and a senator, and a Nobel prize winner.
'We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they've come.' - Ruth (Barbie) Share on X
Sasha: You’ve been making women feel bad about themselves since you were invented.
Barbie: I think you have that the wrong way around.
Sasha: You represent everything wrong with our culture. Sexualized capitalism, unrealistic physical ideals.
Barbie: No, no, no. You’re describing something stereotypical. Barbie is so much more than that.
Sasha: You set the feminism movement back fifty years. You destroy girls innate sense of worth, and you are killing the planet with your glorification of rampant consumerism.
Barbie: No, I’m supposed to help you, and make you happy, and powerful.
Sasha: Oh, I am powerful. And until you showed up here, and declared yourself Barbie, I hadn’t thought about you in years, you fascist.
Ken: I’ll take a high level, high paying job with influence, please.
Corporate Man: Okay, you’ll need at least an MBA. And a lot of our people have PhDs
Ken: Isn’t being a man enough?
Corporate Man: Actually right now, it’s kind of the opposite.
Ken: You guys are clearly not doing patriarchy very well
Corporate Man: No. No, we’re doing it well. Yeah. We just hide it better, you know.
Doctor: No. I won’t let you do just one appendectomy.
Ken: But I’m a man.
Doctor: But not a doctor.
Ken: Please?
Doctor: No.
Ken: Can I talk to a doctor?
Doctor: You are talking to a doctor.
Ken: Can you get me a coffee?
Doctor: No.
Ken: And I need a clicky pen.
Doctor: No.
Ken: And a white coat. And a sharp thing.
Doctor: No. No.
Ken: There he is. Doctor!
Doctor: Somebody get security.
Ken: I’d like to apply for your job of beach?
Life-Guard: So you want to be a lifeguard?
Ken: Oh, I’m not trained to go over there. I’m trained to stand confidently right here.
Life-Guard: There’s nobody in danger here.
Ken: And even if there were, I’m not trained to save them.
Life-Guard: Then I can’t hire you
Ken: I can’t even beach here!
Barbie: She thinks I’m a fascist? I don’t control the railways or the flow of commerce!
Ken: I need to find somewhere where I can start patriarchy fresh.
Barbie: Everything is backwards here. Men look at me like I’m an object. Girls hate me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy. And I keep getting arrested!
Mattel CEO: So we’ve been very anxious to get some quality face time with you.
Barbie: Of course. So what can I do to repair the rift in the space time continuum, and get my feet back, and that one cellulite gone, and just generally not turn into Weird Barbie?
Aaron Dinkins: I’m a man with no power, does that make me a woman?
Barbie: Are any women in charge?
Mattel CEO: Listen. I know exactly where you’re going with this, and I have to say I really resent it! We are a company literally made of women. We had a woman CEO in the 90s. And there was another one at some other time. So that’s two right there.
Mattel CEO: Women are the freaking foundation of this very long phallic building. We have gender neutral bathrooms up the wazoo. Every single one of these men love women. I’m a son of a mother. I’m the mother of a son. I’m the nephew of a woman aunt. Some of my best friends are Jewish. What I’m trying to say is, get in the box, you jezebel What? I can’t say “jezebel” now?
Barbie: [as she steps into the box] Oh, my gosh. I remember this smell. I’m having a real Proustian flashback.
Mattel CEO: Remember Proust Barbie? That did not sell very well.
Barbie: So a woman does work here?
Ruth: Oh, sweety, we do more than work here.
Ruth: You look different.
Barbie: It’s not how I normally look. I usually look perfect.
Ruth: Oh, I don’t know. I think you’re just right.
Barbie: Real World isn’t what I thought it was.
Ruth: It never is. And isn’t that marvelous?
Sasha: God. I hope nobody from school saw us put a life-sized Barbie in our car. How did this even happen?
Gloria: I don’t know.
Sasha: How are you here? You’re like an idea!
Barbie: A great idea
Gloria: [referring to playing with Barbie] I thought it would be joyful.
Barbie: Was it?
Gloria: No. It wasn’t. I got sad and weird. And then the drawings got sad and weird. And maybe because I couldn’t be like you, I ended up making you like me.
Barbie: Did any of these drawings by chance have thoughts of death and cellulite?
Gloria: Yes! Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie!
Barbie: Oh, my God!
Gloria: And cellulite!
Sasha: Are you two like Shining?
Gloria: No. No. It’s nothing like that.
Sasha: Are you Shining with a real Barbie?
Gloria: No! I mean, maybe. Like a little. Yes.
Sasha: I don’t even know where to start with this wishing your Barbie to life crap.
Gloria: Oh, Sasha, listen. I’m just a boring mom, with a boring job, and a daughter who hates me. Can you blame me for wanting to have a little fun?
Barbie: I think I owe you ladies an apology. I thought that Barbie had made the Real World better. But the Real World is forever and irrevocably messed up.
Gloria: Well, the Real World is not perfect. But you inspired me.
Sasha: Everybody hates women. Women hate women. And men hate women. It’s the one thing we can all agree on.
Barbie: Is that true?
Gloria: It’s complicated. “Hate” is a strong word.
Sasha: Mom, are you really going to let Barbie take you and your tween daughter to an imaginary land?
Gloria: Yes. And you want to know why? Because I never get to do anything. I didn’t even go on that cruise I won at your school raffle, because I didn’t have enough vacation days, and your dad is allergic to sun.
Gloria: Don’t tell him, but I never got a Ken.
Barbie: That’s because Ken is totally superfluous.
Barbie: Women hold all major positions of power, control all the money. Basically, everything that men do in your world, women do in ours.
Sasha: Do giant hands come in and play with you?
Barbie: No, that’s crazy.
Mattel CEO: [referring to Barbie Land] And she’s brought humans there with her. This could mean extremely weird things for our world.
Aaron Dinkins: Like what?
Mattel CEO: Nothing any of our collective imaginations could ever dream of.
Mattel Executive #1: A podcast hosted by two wise trees. Or a choir of two thousand young fathers.
Mattel CEO: Not even close.
Barbie: What are you wearing?
Ken: Don’t question it. Just roll with it, tiny baby.
Barbie: Don’t call me “baby”.
Ken: What about mini baby? Like this mini fridge?
Ken: This is no longer Barbie’s Dream House. This shall henceforth be known as Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House.
Warehouse Employee: Warner Bros has started auditions for the Ken movie. Which is already a blockbuster hit.
Mattel Executive #2: So what does it matter if it’s Barbie or Ken? The money is pouring in.
Mattel CEO: Shame on you, Executive Number Two. You think I spent my entire life in boardrooms because of a bottom line? No! I got into this business because of little girls and their dreams in the least creep way possible.
Ken: [to Barbie] You can stay if you want as my bride-wife. Or my long-term low-committment distance girlfriend.
Physicist Barbie: I like not having to make any decisions. It’s like a spa day for my brain. Forever.
Barbie: [referring to the Barbies] What is wrong with them?
Ken: We just explained to them the immaculate, impeccable, seamless garment of logic that is patriarchy, and they crumbled.
Gloria: Oh, my God. This is like in the 1500s with the indigenous people and smallpox. They had no defenses against it.
Ken: Buckle up, babe. Because Barbie Land is now Ken Land. And it’s going to be just like Century City in Los Angeles. Because they had it all figured out in Century City. The minute you get out of your car, you’re like, “I can’t believe how great this place is!”
Ken: Out there I was somebody. And when I walked down the street, people respected me just for who I am. One lady, she even asked me for the time.
Tourist Ken: No way!
Ken: Way.
Ken: And if it weren’t for these technicalities, like MBAs, medical degrees, and, I don’t know, swim lessons, I could have ruled that world. But I don’t need any of those things here. Here I’m just a dude. And you know what? That’s enough.
Stereotypical Ken: In just forty-eight hours all the Kens will head to the polls and vote to change the Constitution to a government for Kens, of the Kens, and by the Kens!
Barbie: You can’t do this. This is Barbie Land. The Barbies worked hard, and they dreamed hard to make it everything that it is. You can’t just undo it in a day!
Ken: Literally and figuratively watch me.
Barbie: I didn’t wish anything. I never wanted anything to change
Gloria: Oh, honey, that’s life. It’s all change.
Barbie: Well, that’s terrifying. I don’t want that. Not my life. No, thank you.
Barbie: This is the lowest I’ve ever been. Emotionally and physically.
Advertisement Girl: Okay, kids. It’s time to run out and get the new Depression Barbie. She wears sweatpants all day and night. She spent sevent hours today on Instagram looking at her estranged best friend’s engagement photos, while eating a family sized bag of Starbursts. And now her jaw is killing her, and she’s going to watch the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice for the seventh time until she falls asleep. Anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD sold separately.
Barbie: I’m like you now. Ugly and unwanted.
Weird Barbie: Thanks.
Allan: Not one person would care if Allan was in the Real World. In fact, it’s happened before. All of NSYNC? Allan. Yes, even him!
Gloria: Wait, you don’t have a driver’s license.
Sasha: Well, this car doesn’t have an engine.
Gloria: You like my drawings?
Sasha: They’re weird, and dark, and crazy. Everything you pretend not to be.
Gloria: I am. I am. I’m weird, and I’m dark, and I’m crazy.
Weird Barbie: Why didn’t the brainwashing work on you?
Barbie: My exposure to the Real World must have made me immune. Either you’re brainwashed, or you’re weird and ugly. There is no in between.
Weird Barbie: Come into my Weird House. Hi! I’m Weird Barbie. I can do the splits. I have a funky haircut. and I smell like basement.
Gloria: That’s Sugar Daddy Ken, and Earring Magic Ken. Mattel discontinued them.
Sasha: Sugar daddy?
Sugar Daddy Ken: No. No. No. I’m not a sugar daddy. This is Sugar. And I’m her daddy.
Earring Magic Ken: And I have an earring. A magic earring.
Barbie Video Girl: I have a TV in my back. You know whose dream that is? Nobody. Nobody’s dream.
Barbie: I’m not pretty anymore
Gloria: What? You’re so pretty.
Barbie: I’m not “Stereotypical Barbie” pretty.
Narrator: Note to the filmakers. Margot Robbie is the wrong person to cast if you want to make this point.
Gloria: It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like we have to always be extraordinary. But somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
Gloria: You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money, because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas.
Gloria: You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane. But if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.
Gloria: You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much, or that you threaten other women, because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out, and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that, but also always be grateful!
Gloria: You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal, or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
Gloria: I’m just so tired of watching myself, and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.
Writer Barbie: It’s like I’ve been in a dream where I was somehow really invested in the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League.
Barbie: By giving voice to the cognitive dissonance required to be a woman under the patriarchy, you robbed it of its power.
Writer Barbie: Yes.
Barbie: Wow. I just said all of that.
Sasha: Hell, yes, White Savior Barbie!
Barbie: No, it was your mom. Your mom did the saving.
Gloria: Ken Land contains the seeds of its own destruction.
Gloria: You have to be their mommies, but no remind them of their mommy. Any power you have must be masked under a giggle.
Gloria: You can tell them that you’ve never seen The Godfather, and that you’d love them to explain it to you.
Basketball Ken: The Godfather.
President Barbie: I’ve never seen it!
Basketball Ken: Oh, my God. You’ve never seen The Godfather? This movie is a rich blend of Coppola’s aesthetic genius, and a triumph to Robert Evans, and the architecture of the 70s studio system.
President Barbie: Can you just start the movie over, and just talk through the whole thing?
Gloria: You have to find a way to reject a man’s advances without damaging their egos. Because if you say “yes” to them, you’re a tramp. But if you say “no” to them, you’re a prude.
Ken: Kendom Land. Land of the Free and the Men.
Barbie: And the Kens really are just better at ruling than the Barbies ever were.
Ken: Well, we just took patriarchy. And, you know, made it patriarch.
Barbie: That’s a beautiful song that you’re playing. Did you write it?
Tourist Ken: Yes. Do you want to sit here and watch me do it while I stare uncomfortably into your eyes for four and a half minutes?
Artist Ken: Does the title of “long-term distance casual low-committment girlfriend” mean nothing?
Basketball Ken: But what will we fight with? We have no guns.
Ken: Tennis rackets and volleyballs.
Artist Ken: And slap fights.
Ken: And beach offs.
Ken: [singing] Doesn’t seem to matter what I do. I’m always number two. No one knows how hard I tried. Oh-oh, I. I have feelings that I can’t explain, driving me insane. All my life, been so polite. But I’ll sleep alone tonight, because I’m just Ken. Anywhere else I’d be a ten. Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blonde fragility? I’m just Ken. Where I see love, she sees a friend. What will it take for her to see the man behind the tan and fight for me?
Ken: I’ll see you on the Malibu Beach!
Ken: [singing] I want to know what’s like to love. To be the real thing. Is it a crime? Am I not hot when I’m in my feelings? And is my moment finally here, or am I dreaming? I’m no dreamer.
Kens: [singing] Can you feel Ken-ergy?
Ken: Is it just my imagination or do these Mojo Dojo Casa Houses just get dreamier?
President Barbie: That’s because they’re dreamhouses, motherf*****!
Ken: I’m a liberated man. I know crying’s not weak.
Ken: It was hard running stuff. I didn’t love it.
Barbie: I get it.
Ken: And those mini fridges are so small. You can only fit a six pack in there. And the freezers are basically useless. To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I had lost interest anyway.
Ken: I just don’t know who I am without you.
Barbie: You’re Ken.
Ken: But it’s “Barbie and Ken”. There is no just “Ken”. That’s why I was created. I only exist within the warmth of your gaze. Without it, I’m just an another blonde guy who can’t do flips.
Barbie: You’re not your girlfriend. You’re not your house. You’re not your mink.
Ken: Beach?
Barbie: Nope, you’re not even beach. Maybe all the things that you thought made you you, aren’t really you. Maybe it’s Barbie, and it’s Ken.
Ken: Ken is me?
Barbie: Yes!
Ken: Ken is me.
Barbie: And I’m Barbie
Artist Ken: I don’t even care about being Ken anymore. I just miss my friend Barbie.
Mattel CEO: [upon seeing pregnant Midge] Midge. I thought we discontinued her.
Mattel CEO: Look, you know how many times I’ve wanted to stand up in a boardmeeting and just say, “Can we just tickle each other?” Let’s have a company retreat and just tickle each other!
Mattel CEO: But thanks to Barbies, I too can now relieve myself of this heavy existential burden, while holding onto the very real title of CEO. And we can restore everything in Barbie Land to exactly the way it was.
President Barbie: Mr. Mattel.
Mattel CEO: Please, call me mother.
President Barbie: No, thank you.
President Barbie: I just want to say I’m sorry we called you Weird Barbie behind your back, and also to your face.
Weird Barbie: It’s okay. I’m owning it.
President Barbie: Would you like a job in my Cabinet?
Weird Barbie: May I please have Sanitation?
President Barbie: It’s yours!
Basketball Ken: Please may the Kens have one Supreme Court justice?
President Barbie: Oh, I can’t do that. But maybe a lower circuit court judgeship.
Tourist Ken: We accept! As long as we can wear robes.
Narrator: Well the Kens have to start somewhere. And one day the Kens will have as much power and influence in Barbie Land as women have in the Real World.
Mattel CEO: Tell me your secret dream, child.
Gloria: Okay, what about Ordinary Barbie? She’s not extraordinary. She’s not president of anything. Or maybe she is. Maybe she’s a mom. Maybe she’s not. Because it’s okay, to just want to be a mom. Or to want to President. Or a mom who is President. Or not a mom who is also not President. She just has a flattering top, and she wants to get through the day feeling kind of good about herself.
Mattel CEO: That’s a terrible idea
Mattel Executive #1: Yeah. That’s going to make money.
Mattel CEO: Oh, Ordinary Barbie. I love it! Fantastic.
Sasha: What’s her ending? What does she get?
Mattel CEO: Well, that’s easy. She in love with Ken.
Sasha: That is not her ending.
Barbie: I’m not in love with Ken.
Barbie: I’m not really sure where I belong anymore. I don’t think I have an ending.
Ruth: That was always the point. I created you so you wouldn’t have an ending.
Barbie: It’s you. You’re Ruth from Mattel.
Ruth: Baby, I am Mattel. Until the IRS got to me, but that’s another movie.
Mattel CEO: [referring to Ruth Handler] Her ghost keeps an office on the seventeenth floor.
Ruth: What? You guys, do you think the lady who invented Barbie looks like Barbie? I’m a five foot nothing grandma with a double mastectomy and tax evasion issues. Nobody looks like Barbie. Except, of course, Barbie. Take a bow down, honey.
Ruth: Maybe you’re Self-Effacing Barbie?
Barbie: Maybe I’m not Barbie anymore.
Ruth: Being human can be pretty uncomfortable.
Barbie: I know.
Ruth: Humans make up things like the patriarchy and Barbie just to deal with how uncomfortable it is.
Barbie: I understand that.
Ruth: And then you die.
Barbie: Yeah.
Barbie: I want to be part of the people that make meaning. Not the thing that’s made. I want to do the imagining. I don’t want to be the idea. Does that makes sense?
Ruth: I always knew that Barbie would surprise me, but I never expected this.
Barbie: But you’re the Creator. Don’t you control me?
Ruth: I can’t control you, anymore than I can control my own daughter. I named you after her, Barbara. And I always hoped for you, like I hoped for her. We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they’ve come.
Narrator: So Barbie left behind the pastels, and plastics of Barbie Land for the pastels and plastics of Los Angeles.
Doctor Receptionist: Name?
Barbie: Oh. Handler, comma, Barbara.
Doctor Receptionist: And what are you here for today, Barbara?
Barbie: I’m here to see my gynecologist.
Trailer: