Starring: Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, William Sadler, Samara Weaving, Brigette Lundy-Paine, Kid Cudi, Hal Landon Jr., Holland Taylor, Jillian Bell, Kristen Schaal, Anthony Carrigan, Erinn Hayes
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Comedy sci-fi sequel directed by Dean Parisot. The story centers on Bill S. Preston (Alex Winter) and Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan (Keanu Reeves), who are now fathers and have yet to fulfill their rock ‘n’ roll destinies. However, when a visitor from the future tells them that only their song can save life as we know it, their lives changes as they work with their families, old friends, and famous musicians to complete the task.
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Our Favorite Quote:'Sometimes things don't make sense until the end of the story.' (Bill & Ted Face the Music) Click To Tweet
Billie: This is the story of our most excellent dads.
Bill: I’m Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
Ted: And I’m Ted “Theodore” Logan.
Bill, Ted: And we’re Wyld Stallyns!
Billie: Not long before we were born, they were told they were going to write a song that was going to unite the entire world.
Thea: Which they thought they had done with their hit single, Those Who Rock.
Billie: Not only did it not unite the world, but the band fell apart. And our dads, alone now, were trying harder and harder.
Thea: But the problem was, the harder Dads tried…
Billie: The less interested people seemed to be in their music.
Billie: The universe they were told they were going to bring together…
Thea: Was actually starting to unravel.
Billie: Yeah, time was folding in on itself. It was bad.
Thea: Totally, dude?
Billie: Anyways, this is how we got to where we are now.
[Bill and Ted are about to perform at Ted’s brother’s wedding]
Bill: Ted and I have known Missy in different capacities for many decades. First, she was our babysitter when we were ten.
Ted: Then we both invited her to the prom when she was a senior and we were freshmen.
Bill: Yeah. Two years later, she married my dad and Missy became Mom.
Ted: After divorcing Bill’s dad, she married my dad and became my mom.
Bill: Yeah. And now she’s marrying Ted’s little brother, Officer Deacon Logan.
Bill: This happy event would seem to make Deacon his own father-in-law, and Ted his own uncle.
Ted: Not to mention making my dad his own son.
Bill: And with that beautiful thought in mind, for your first dance, we wish to present you
with a matrimonial offering. A sneak peek at the world premiere of our newest sonic creation.
Ted: We’re not sure if this is going to be the song that unites the world.
Bill: We’re pretty sure it might.
Ted: At least we hope.
Missy: Let’s dance, Freaky Deaky.
Deacon: You got it, Kissy Missy.
Missy: Oh, shh. Your dad used to call me that.
Deacon: Totally aware of that, babe.
[introducing their song]
Ted: Please enjoy the first three movements of…
Bill, Ted: That Which Binds Us Through Time. The Chemical, Physical, and Biological Nature of Love. An Exploration of the Meaning of Meaning.
Bill: Part One.
[after their disastrous wedding performance]
Bill: Chief Logan, the people in the future told us…
Chief Logan: Bill, Bill, Bill, you didn’t time travel.
Ted: We did.
Chief Logan: Your wives aren’t from medieval England.
Bill: They are.
Chief Logan: And you didn’t go to Heaven and Hell.
Bill: We did!
Chief Logan: You didn’t!
Bill: We did!
Chief Logan: And you know why? Because it’s impossible.
Chief Logan: Here’s a real idea for you two.
Bill: Here it comes, dude.
Chief Logan: Get real jobs. Be role models to your daughters. Oh, never mind. You are. They’re twenty-four. They live at home, and they’re unemployed. You remember when you used to call them Little Bill, Little Ted?
Billie: We thought it was cute, Gramps.
Chief Logan: Yeah. Well, it turned out to be a curse. All I ever see them do is sit around, listen to music.
Thea: That is our primary activity, definitely.
Dr. Taylor Wood: So, do you understand why this situation might seem at all strange to your wives?
[we see Bill and Ted sat with their both their wives all together]
Ted: No. Not at all. Why?
Dr. Taylor Wood: Well, when your wives suggested couples therapy, do you think that this is what they had in mind?
Bill: Well, definitely. I mean, we’re a couple of couples, right?
Dr. Taylor Wood: That is true.
Dr. Taylor Wood: Ted, is there something you feel your wife needs to hear from you?
Ted: Yeah. Totally. We love you guys.
Bill: Ah, that is good, dude.
Dr. Taylor Wood: In a way, yes. I mean, it is great to feel loved. But do you understand how that might sound strange to your wives? I’ll shoot this at Bill.
Bill: No. I mean, we love them.
Dr. Taylor Wood: Oh. “We love them.”
Dr. Taylor Wood: Ted, can you say the same thing, but instead of “we”, say “I” in the sentence.
Ted: Oh. Yeah.
Dr. Taylor Wood: Okay.
Ted: Of course.
Dr. Taylor Wood: Okay.
Ted: I and Bill love you and Joanna.
Bill: Dude, with all due respect, I don’t think you’re quite getting this.
Ted: Go for it, dude.
Bill: Okay. I’m going to do one.
Ted: Yes. Go for it, dude.
Bill: Okay. Joanna?
Bill: From the very, very bottom of I and Ted’s hearts, I and Ted totally love and worship you, and Elizabeth.
[after the therapy session with their wives]
Bill: We have to fix this.
Ted: The thing is, they’re right, Bill. They’re princesses.
Bill: Yeah. We pulled them out of their lives to be here with us.
Ted: And they didn’t come all this way for this.
Bill: That’s why we got to keep working, dude.
Ted: But isn’t that the problem?
Bill: Yeah. But it’s also the solution.
Ted: Yeah. I guess.
Ted: Liz is right. We have been banging our heads against a wall for twenty-five years. And I’m tired, dude.
Bill: Ted. We have a destiny to fulfill.
[as Ted is thinking of quitting]
Bill: And think about our fans, dude.
Ted: Bob and Wendy will totally understand. Eileen we haven’t heard from for several years.
Kelly: Greetings, my excellent friends.
Ted: Do we know you?
Kelly: I’m Kelly.
Bill: Wait. You’re Rufus’ daughter!
Kelly: I am. And I’ve been wanting to meet you my whole life.
Ted: It must be very disappointing.
Kelly: Not at all.
[as Kelly is about to take them to the future]
Ted: Dude, I got a very bad feeling about this.
Bill: It’ll be fine, Ted. They totally love us in the future, dude.
[after they see Kelly take their dads to the future]
Thea: Dude, our dads are totally in trouble.
Billie: I feel so bad for them. They’ve been doing this on their own for the longest time.
Thea: Yeah, I wish there was some way we could help them out, you know?
Billie: Yeah. But how?
[as they arrive in 2720 AD]
Ted: The future.
The Great Leader: Bill and Ted. Step forward.
Bill: How’s it going, Great Ones? It’s good to be back.
The Great Leader: What have you got to say for yourselves?
Bill: Be excellent to each other.
Ted: And party on, dudes.
The Great Leader: Twenty-five years ago, Wyld Stallyns played a concert at the Grand Canyon.
Bill: That’s true.
The Great Leader: One month ago, you played the Elks Lodge in Barstow, California, for forty people, most of whom were there only because it was two dollar taco night, whatever the hell that means.
Bill, Ted: Well, yeah. We did!
The Great Leader: You were supposed to unite the world in song.
The Great Leader: At a concert performed by everyone in the band at 7:17 PM, at MP 46, that’s tonight, will save reality as we know it, uniting humanity across all time.
Ted: Wait. I’m sorry. What?
Bill: Did you say, “Reality as we know it”?
The Great Leader: Yes!
Bill, Ted: Oh.
Ted: Dude, they totally hate us.
Bill: And I’ve never even heard of MP 46.
Kelly: My father believed that the song could be the nexus point that brings humanity into rhythm and harmony.
Kelly: We only discovered this recently, but without it, reality will collapse, and time and space will cease to exist.
Ted: So until 7:17 PM?
Kelly: Anything is possible.
Bill: And after 7:17 PM?
Kelly: Without the song, there is no after 7:17 PM.
[reading the inscription on Rufus’s watch]
Ted: “Sometimes things don’t make sense…”
Bill: “…until the end of the story.”
Kelly: That’s what my dad always said.
Bill: Now alls we got to do is write the greatest song ever written.
Ted: That brings the entire world into rhythm and harmony.
Bill: And saves reality as we know it.
Ted: All through time.
Ted: Dude, we’ve spent our whole life trying to write the song that will unite the world. What makes us think we can write it in like seventy-five minutes?
Bill: Ted, we had to have written that song. The people in the future told us we did.
Ted: Yeah. I guess.
Bill: Which means we have it in us, dude.
Bill: Maybe we just haven’t written it yet. Maybe we’re still going to.
Ted: Well, if we haven’t written it yet, but we know we’re going to at some point, why can’t we just go to the future when we have written it?
Bill: And take it from ourselves!
Bill: Ted, you have had many counterintuitive ideas over the years, but this is by far the counterintuitivest of them all, dude!
Ted: Except, won’t that be stealing?
Bill: How is that stealing, if we’re stealing it from ourselves, dude?
[as they are about to time travel to steal the song from themselves]
Ted: Bill, my friend.
Bill: Yes, Ted, my friend?
Ted: I have a feeling things are about to change in a most outstanding way.
Bill: I could not agree more.
Bill from 2022: Oh, hello!
Ted from 2022: We totally forgot you were coming. How great to see you.
Ted: What are you talking about? You totally ran away from us.
Bill from 2022: Look, guys, we know exactly what you’re thinking. Why would we be playing Open Mic Night at 6:15 PM when, in fact, we have become such huge rock stars again?
Ted from 2022: Here’s the answer. Us being here is humorously ironic. Do you believe us?
Bill: Not at all.
Ted from 2022: Well, I feel sorry for you, then.
Ted from 2022: Why don’t you go write it yourselves instead of trying to steal it from us?
Ted: You’re the one who couldn’t write it, Ted.
Ted from 2022: Well, you’re the one who lost his wife, Ted!
Bill, Ted: What?!
Bill from 2022: After you failed couples therapy, Liz and Jo were visited by other thems from the future, who gave them a phone booth, and sent them all through time and space, looking for just one life where they could be happy with you!
Ted from 2022: And guess what?
Bill , Ted from 2022: They didn’t find one!
Bill from 2022: And now we’ve been alone for two years because you sent our wives away.
Ted: Our wives have been gone for two years, and you didn’t do anything about it?
Bill from 2022: Oh, you did, alright. You went back and you made it worse!
Ted from 2022: And guess what else? Your daughters won’t even talk to you.
Ted: You’re a d**k, Ted.
Ted from 2022: You want a piece of me, Ted?
Bill from 2022: Ted, he’s not worth it!
Ted from 2022: Losers! Has-beens!
Bill from 2022: Stop fighting with yourself!
Ted from 2022: Flashes in the pans!
Bill from 2022: Stop fighting with yourself!
[after their disasterous encounter with themselves from 2022]
Ted: That did not go well.
Bill: Yeah. And your you is a very contentious d**kweed.
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