Bridesmaids Quotes

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[to Lillian whose ran out of the bridal store into the street to find a bathroom but is too late]
Whitney: Oh, no! Don’t you dare ruin that dress!
Helen: Boy, you really doing it, aren’t ya? You’re just shittin’ in the street.


[driving Lillian home after the bridesmaids fitting incident with everyone getting sick]
Annie: You okay?
Lillian: I just took a shit in the middle of the street. I just shit.
Annie: People do that.
Lillian: I shit. I shit in my shorts. I shit myself.


[after they’ve just had sex]
Annie: You know, I was thinking, you should come with me to Lillian’s wedding, maybe? Not like…not like that. Not like anything serious, but just like a fun time, you know? We can get dressed up and we can go dancing and have a drink. It’ll be fun, right?
Ted: No, honey. I don’t want you to make you have to explain to all those people what our relationship is. You know, that would suck for you. Right?
Annie: Oh, yeah. I guess so.
Ted: I’m just thinkin’ of you.


Annie: I have someone else I can ask, anyway.
Ted: Really?
Annie: Yeah.
Ted: Who?
Annie: Um…this guy George.
[she watches him as he drinks from his glass of water]
Annie: George…Glass.
Ted: Okay. Who is this George?
Annie: He is a very hot, nice guy, who likes me a lot and would probably love to be my date.
Ted: Really?
Annie: Mm-hmm.


Ted: Well, let me ask you this. Can this George Glass do this to you?
[he puts his hand on her breast and cups and squeezes rolling it several times]
Annie: Probably.
Ted: You know it’s getting really late. You should probably go. I’m gonna miss you so much.
[he rolls over to fall asleep]


[seeing Annie looking sad]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You wanna talk to a cop about it? We’re just like priests. Accept we can tell everybody about it afterwards.
Annie: [laughing] Oh!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I won’t though.
Annie: Doesn’t sound very inviting.


Officer Nathan Rhodes: Ooph! That sounds rough.
Annie: It’s gonna get better, right?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I wouldn’t have thought so. You know, my sister was a maid of honor at our cousins wedding and she found it so stressful her hair started falling out.
Annie: That’s terrible!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. It grew back. But it was…pretty gross.


[picking up an ugly looking carrot from the bag of carrots]
Annie: Ew!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Oh! You got the ugly carrot!
Annie: What?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: There’s one in every bag! You have to eat it. It’s good luck.
Annie: I’m not eating this!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah! I’ll eat it.
Annie: This is a lucky carrot?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah.
[as he goes to eat the carrot Annie stops him]
Annie: No! Don’t eat it! Don’t eat it! Don’t eat it!
[she takes it from him and throws it on the ground]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Well, don’t litter! I’ll fine you.
Annie: I’m sorry.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You know what? Actually I’m gonna pick it up.
Annie: Oh.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It really bothers me.
Annie: I’m sorry.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I’m sorry. It’s just I’m anal about that kind of thing.


Annie: I didn’t know that you could be a cop here, if you weren’t a citizen.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You can’t.
Annie: No?bridesmaids-12
Officer Nathan Rhodes: No. No, you can’t. But they made a special dispensation because I’m so tough and strong.
Annie: Oh, right!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: And handsome.
Annie: Oh, okay! You’re pretty…you’re pretty tough.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I am tough.
Annie: You’re a tough…you’re a tough cop.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You’re saying it, but you’re laughing.
Annie: No, you’re…you’re…
[she feels his bicep]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You didn’t let me flex that time. That was unfair. I’m really tough.


[calls Annie after Annie has sent email about her idea on the bachelorette party]
Helen: I just got your email. Um…lake house?
Annie: Yeah…um. Well, it’s you know, it’s Lillian’s parents house. We used to go there all the time, in the summers and everything. It’s wonderful.
Helen: A bachelorette in a cabin?
[she hears the beep of a call waiting]
Annie: Oh, wait! Can you…can you hold…hold that thought? Hold on.
Helen: Hello?
[to herself as she goes to answer the call waiting]
Annie: Fucking Helen!


[on the phone]
Rita: Listen, I need a trip that I can fantasize forever, so that I’m able to have sex with my husband. That’s why I’m thinking, Vegas.
Annie: Vegas?
Rita: Hang on.
[she turns to shout at her kids in the background making noise]
Rita: Hey! Shut your filthy fucking mouth!
[to Annie]
Rita: I’m sorry. I’m surrounded by savages.
[she hears the beep of caller waiting]
Annie: Ah! You know what? I should probably run, my other line is ringing.
Rita: You know I can get cocaine from my hairdresser.
Annie: It’s okay. Bye!


[on the phone]
Becca: I’m so excited! Helen just called, she said we can go to Vegas.
Annie: You know, just…yeah, but we have to…we have to fly there.
Becca: Okay, Annie. I know you’re afraid of flying, but I wanna see Chris Angel. But I’m scared. Which I sort of love.
[she hears the beep of another caller waiting]
Annie: Can you just hold on for one second.
Becca: Oh! Sure! Sure! Sure! Sure! Take your time.


[on the phone]
Megan: Just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party. Okay, here we go! Easy peasy, Vegas it is!
Annie: Helen called you, didn’t she?
Megan: Yeah. She got the jump on you.


[on the phone to Annie]
Rita: I want balls in my face.


Megan: No carry-on huh?
Air Marshall Jon: No.
Megan: Yeah, I noticed. I noticed you didn’t put anything in the overhead bin either. I get it. I get it. I want you to know uh…protect and serve Air Marshall style.
Air Marshall Jon: What?
Megan: I don’t want to infringe on your privacy, man. I just um…I really appreciate what you do for this country. And I respect the hell out of out of you.
Air Marshall Jon: That’s great. I’m not an Air Marshall. I’m gonna take a nap.
Megan: Awesome.
Air Marshall Jon: Cool.
Megan: I’ll take the first watch.
Air Marshall Jon: I’m not an Air Marshall. There’s no…you don’t need to take the watch.
Megan: Okay.
[then she whispers]
Megan: I’ve got the first watch.


[on the plane to Vegas]
Annie: Oh, gosh! I am, uh…really hoping this flight just…is quick and we get there on the ground safely. I’m not a good flyer. I’m sorry.
Nervous Woman on Plane: I had a dream last night that we went down. Yep. It was terrible. You were in it.
Annie: What?!
[they hear the noise of plane’s engines]
Nervous Woman on Plane: Oh, God! Sounds like something is happening.



Rita: I can’t believe you’ve never been with anybody else!
Becca: Just Kevin.
Rita: [laughing] Oh God! I’m sorry, I just…Becca, I just can’t help but feel bad for you. You don’t even know what you want!


Megan: I gotta know where you keep the gun, man. I mean, is it ankle, hip, lower back? You don’t…between the cheeks do you?
Air Marshall Jon: No, I don’t stick a gun up my butt! I mean, that’s…stupid!
Megan: I didn’t say up. I just know of a guy, that got a lot of undercover work, and all I know was he had tape marks all up and down his cheeks.
Air Marshall Jon: That can’t be true! People don’t keep guns up their asses, because if you needed to use it, how are you gonna get it?!bridesmaids-14
Megan: He cut a hole in his pocket.
Air Marshall Jon: What?
Megan: It was…it was in his back pocket. You’ve gotta get somethin’ out of your ass, and you cut a hole in the back of your jeans, you wanna tell me you can’t get to somethin’?
Air Marshall Jon: I don’t have gun for you to put up my ass to make your point!
Megan: I can put my nano. I will show you.
[holds up her iPod nano]
Megan: I will, if you get me scissors, I will cut a hole in my pocket and I…you’ll never find this again until I want you to find it.


Becca: Kevin can only have sex in bed, in the dark, under the covers, only after we’ve showered separately! And sometimes, by the time we’re finished cleaning ourselves, he’s too tired. I’m…and then I pretend I’m tired, but I’m not tired. I’m not tired! I’m not tired!
Rita: That’s why every girl needs those slutty college years. To experiment, get it out of your system. Find out what you like.


Becca: So you don’t even have sex anymore?
Rita: Oh, no! I have…I have sex constantly. The sex is constant. But he hasn’t kissed me in five years.
Becca: What are you doing when you’re having sex then?
Rita: Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop. You know, sometimes I just wanna watch the daily show without him entering me.


[drunk on plane, pulls open curtains to coach after getting kicked out of first class]
Annie: This should be open, cause it’s civil rights. This is the nineties.
Flight Attendant Steve: Right. It’s not. You’re in the wrong decade.
Annie: You are.
Flight Attendant Steve: Okay, I am.


[to a drunk Annie who’s sneaked back onto first class after being kicked out back to coach]
Flight Attendant Steve: You have three seconds to get back to your seat.
Annie: Oh, you can’t get anywhere in three seconds!
Flight Attendant Steve: Well, you better try.bridesmaids-15
Annie: You’re setting me up for a loss already.
Flight Attendant Steve: Okay, thank you.
[pointing to his name badge as she gets out of her seat]
Annie: Whatever you say, Stove!
Flight Attendant Steve: It’s Steve.
Annie: Stove! What kind of a name is that?
Flight Attendant Steve: Well, that’s not my name. My name is Steve.
Annie: Are you an appliance?
Flight Attendant Steve: No. I’m a man and my name is Steve.
Annie: You’re a flight attendant.
Flight Attendant Steve: That’s absolutely accurate.


[stops Jon as he comes out of the airplane rest room]
Megan: Hey, not Air Marshall Jon. You wanna get back in that rest room and not rest?
Air Marshall Jon: No. I have to get back to my seat.
Megan: Yeah, you gotta get back on my seat.
[she hums a little tune]
Megan: You get it?
Air Marshall Jon: No. I think, yeah! I definitely got it.


[to Rita as they are both getting more and more drunk]
Becca: You’re more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!


Annie: All the girls hate me right now.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: So, you’re like the maid of dishonor!


Annie: I just wish that things were the way that they used to be, you know? I feel like, her life is going off and getting perfect and mine is just like…
[she pulls a face]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It’ll turn around you know.
Annie: I’ve been hearing that for a long time.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It’s gonna turn around, I just know it.


Officer Nathan Rhodes: You gotta bake!
Annie: I don’t wanna do that anymore. I told you, it’s gone.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Why?
Annie: I don’t know. It’s just…I don’t know. After it just went under, I just kind of stopped I guess. It doesn’t make me happy anymore.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Just cause you didn’t make any money at it, doesn’t mean that you failed at it.
Annie: Lost a lot of money. All my money.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You’re so good at it.
Annie: Oh, well. Let’s change the subject. No more baking! I’m done.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I don’t know how you just can’t do it anymore. If I wasn’t a cop anymore, I would still go out…
Annie: Arrest?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: …with a gun and shoot people. I probably wouldn’t do that. I’m just wanted to make you feel better.


Officer Nathan Rhodes: You’re okay, you know?
Annie: You don’t know me very well.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I know you well enough to know that you’re not so bad. You got some stuff.
Annie: Oh, yeah.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. You got bits and pieces goin’ on. I’ve been thinkin’ about you a little bit.
Annie: About me, really?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: There’s somethin’ about you. Somethin’ about you that sticks.


[the morning after they’ve slept together]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: [awkwardly] So, last night was fun.
Annie: It was. It was very fun. I had fun.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It was fun. If you care to accompany me to the kitchen, the fun may continue!
Annie: Oh!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Different kind of fun.
Annie: Oh!


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Total Quotes: 116



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