Starring: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Melissa McCarthy, Rose Byrne , Chris O’Dowd, Jill Clayburgh, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, Jon Hamm, Joe Nunez, Rebel Wilson, Matt Lucas, Greg Tuculescu, Franklyn Ajaye, Tim Heidecker, Lynne Marie Stewart, Andy Buckley, Jessica St. Clair
OUR RATING: ★★★★☆
Comedy directed by Paul Feig and co-written by Kristen Wiig. Bridesmaids (2011) follows Annie (Kristen Wiig), a single woman whose life is a mess, but when she learns that her best friend, Lillian (Maya Rudolph), is engaged, she has no choice but to serve as the maid of honor. Though lovelorn and broke, Annie, nevertheless, winds her way through the strange and expensive rituals. Determined to make things perfect, she gamely leads Lillian and the other bridesmaids down the wild road to the wedding.
Our Favorite Quotes:
Ted: [to Annie, the next morning after spending the night together] Wow, this is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a d**k.
Lillian: [to Annie, after she’s told she spent the night with Ted] Here’s what I don’t like about it, you hate yourself after you see him. Every time. And then we go through this, and you feel like s**t. And it’s almost like you’re doing it because you feel bad about yourself.
Lillian: [referring to Ted] Ew! You had sex with him.
Annie: We had an adult sleepover.
Lillian: Oh! Did you let him sleepover in your mouth? Annie!
Annie: I’m sorry!
Lillian: You’re unbelievable.
Annie: He kept like putting it near my face.
Lillian: They do that, don’t they?
Annie: Why do they do that? Let us offer.
Annie: If we don’t offer…
Lillian: You’re supposed to slap it away.
Annie: I couldn’t!
Annie: [referring to Ted’s d**k] You don’t want to look right at it.
Lillian: I know!
Annie: It’s too aggressive.
Annie: [referring to Ted] He’s so hot though!
Lillian: Look, I know you say he’s cute, and all that stuff. But he makes you feel like s**t, you know? You’re a total catch, and any guy would be psyched to be your man. You should just make room for somebody who’s nice to you.
Annie: You know what? He’s honest. He told me that we are what we are, and we’re just having fun. And I like that!
Lillian: He also told you that you need dental work. He’s an a**hole!
Annie: [helping a couple choose an engagement ring] You guys love each other, huh?
Jewelry Store Couple: Yeah.
Annie: Oh, that’s sweet. That will go away. You cannot trust anybody. Ever. Especially someone you’re in a relationship with, you know? Because they’re living with you, you don’t know who you’re sleeping next to. It is scary! I mean, look at him? He may not even be Asian. It’s scary! So did you guys want to look at these engagement rings?
Male Jewelry Store Couple: We’re going to browse.
Female Jewelry Store Couple: Yeah.
Annie: Okay. Sure. I’ll be here
Don Cholodecki: Show me your “love is eternal” face.
Don Cholodecki: [as Annie pulls a face] No. That’s two years. Four years, tops. That is not eternal.
Kahlua: What’s up, Don-Don?
Don Cholodecki: You make up the best nicknames. You don’t need a nickname because Kahlua is so delicious.
Don Cholodecki: [as he touches her arm] Don’t sue me for touching you. Show Annie your “love is eternal” face.
Don Cholodecki: [Kahlua strikes a pose, to Annie as she tries to copy it] That looks like you have menstrual cramps.
'You should just make room for somebody who's nice to you.' - Lillian (Bridesmaids) Click To Tweet
Brynn: I got a free tattoo.
Annie: You did what?
Brynn: I could not believe it. The guy said, “Do you want a tattoo?”
Annie: Just a random…?
Brynn: Yeah. Opened up the side of his van.
Brynn: He said, “It’s for free!” And I said, “Sure.”
Annie: You said yes?
Brynn: Yeah! Yeah! Look.
[she pulls up her shirt to reveal an infected looking giant tattoo]
Brynn: [referring to her tattoo] It’s a Mexican drinking worm. It’s a Native American symbol meaning “wasted”.
Annie: [after Lillian reveals she’s engaged to Doug] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I just got hot!
Lillian: You did?
Lillian: You okay?
Annie: Yeah. My pits are sweating.
Lillian: What does that mean?
Annie: I don’t know. I’m hot. Oh, my God! Aahh! What is happening?
Lillian: I don’t know! I’m wearing a ring.
Annie’s Mom: I signed up to speak at AA tonight and I just have to.
Annie’s Mom: No! I forgot. I’m sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Annie: Mom, I keep telling you, you’re not supposed to go to those things. You know, you’re not an alcoholic.
Annie’s Mom: Well, only because I’ve never had a drink.
Annie’s Mom: And I have been thinking, honey, that maybe, this is your bottom. I’m telling you, hitting bottom is a good thing.
Annie’s Mom: Because there’s nowhere to go but up. Right?
Annie: Well, I guess I’m going to Lillian’s party by myself then.
Annie’s Mom: Oh, don’t talk to me about being by yourself. I go everywhere by myself. Well, you know, thanks to that new whore, Barb. You know?
Annie: Mom! Come on!
Annie’s Mom: No, I don’t like to say it.
Annie: They’ve been married twelve years.
Annie’s Mom: Oh, okay. But she’s still a whore. You know, I’m sure she greets him in the evening, beaver first.
Annie: I don’t want to think about that.
Annie’s Mom: You sure you don’t want to move in with me?
Annie: Oh, Mom, thanks. But no way! No way in hell!
Annie’s Mom: No?
Annie: I mean, no thanks.
Annie’s Mom: Think about it.
Annie’s Mom: You don’t need your own place.
Annie: Yeah, well. I kind of do.
Lillian: [referring to Rita’s three sons] They’re so cute.
Rita: They are cute. But when they reach that age, oh, disgusting! They smell! They’re sticky! They say things that are horrible. And there is semen all over everything, okay? Disgusting! I cracked a blanket in half! Do you get where I’m going with that?
Annie: I do. Yeah.
Rita: I cracked it in half!
Becca: [referring to the older man standing behind Annie] Is this your husband?
Annie: No. No. No! No! I don’t know him. I’m sorry.
Annie’s Mistaken Husband: Do you want to go for a walk later?
Annie: Oh! I can’t.
Annie’s Mistaken Husband: Alright.
Annie: I can’t. I’m sorry.
Annie: I’m not with anybody. I’m here solo.
Becca: Let’s start it again.
Becca: I’m Becca. This is my husband. You don’t have a husband! Sorry.
'You need to maybe think about putting a note on your door saying, “Do not come into my room, read my diary, and wear my clothes.”' - Brynn (Bridesmaids) Click To Tweet
Megan: [after being introduced to Annie] I just fell off a crew ship.
Megan: But I’m back.
Annie: Oh, s**t!
Megan: Yeah, “Oh, shit.” Yeah, “Oh, shit.” Took a hard, hard violent fall. Kind of pinballed down. Hit a lot of railings. Broke a lot of s**t. I didn’t, I’m not going to say I survived. I say I thrived. I met a dolphin down there. And I swear to God, that dolphin looked not at me, but into my soul. Into my goddamn soul, Annie. And he said, “I’m saving you, Megan.” Not with his mouth, but he said it, I’m assuming telepathically. We had a connection that I don’t even know if I can exp… Oh, Jesus!
Megan: [referring to the older man standing next to Annie] You must be Annie’s fella? I’m Megan. It’s a pleasure.
Annie: Oh, he’s not, I’m not, he’s not, I’m not with him.
Megan: Oh! Alright! I’m glad he’s single, because I’m going to climb that like a tree.
Annie: [engagement speech to Lillian after Helen’s speech] I just wanted to say really quick that, you’re so special to me, because, well, one of the reasons is because I’ve known you my whole entire life. And you’ve really help shape who I am. I just want to thank you for, carefully, selecting me as your maid of honor. I know you had some other choices, but you’re like my sister, and I love you. Well, that concludes the speeches for the night.
Helen: [giving another engagement speech] One last thing. It’s rare to meet someone as an adult who you really connect with. And that’s you, Lil. I went to Thailand recently with my husband, Perry. And there’s a beautiful saying that I learned there.
Helen: [gives the speech in Thai] It means, “You are a part of me, a part that I could never live without, and I hope, and I pray that I never have to.” Khob-kun-Ka. Khob-kun-Ka, khob-kun-Ka. And that’s it for tonight! Thank you for coming!
Annie: So what’s up with her anyway, with Helen?
Annie: Well, I’m just like, I don’t know, she’s in your wedding, and you’ve only known her like eight months though, right? Come on!
Lillian: Get it out. Get it all out.
Annie: Well, I’m just, like the whole gown, the ooh! You know, things. Weird, right?
Lillian: You know what? She’s actually really cool, Annie. She’s a good one. I’m telling you.
Annie: Well, I’m sure if you like her, I will like her.
Lillian: You have to just get to know her.
Annie: [demonstrating walking in a straight line] See? Okay. Not drunk. Told you!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: So, you’re just a terrible sober driver?
'Why can't you just be happy for me, and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?' - Lillian (Bridesmaids) Click To Tweet
Officer Nathan Rhodes: [referring to her bakery] I used to get served by this tall, kind of a broad guy, like a wormy face.
Annie: Oh, yeah. That’s my boyfriend.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Sorry.
Annie: Oh! No! No! No! He was my boyfriend. And then he left me when the business went under. So, anyway.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You’re kidding? What a d**k! I’m glad I never tipped him.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: [gives her a business card] And I’m going to give you this. It’s a buddy of mine. He has a bodyshop in Milwaukee. He’ll fix those right up for you.
Annie: [reading the name on the card] Bill Cozbi?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. With a Z. Different guy.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: And don’t mention the whole “Bill Cosby” thing to him. It drives him nuts. I mean it.
Helen: [referring to Lillian playing tennis] Oh, she certainly enjoys playing tennis now. It’s funny how people change, isn’t it?
Annie: Yeah. I mean, I don’t know. Do people really change?
Helen: I think they do.
Annie: Yeah. But I mean, like still stay who they are, pretty much.
Helen: I think we change all the time.
Annie: I think we stay the same, but grow I guess, a little bit.
Helen: I think if you’re growing, then you’re changing.
Annie: But I mean, we’re changing from who we are, which we always stay as.
Helen: Not really. I don’t think so.
Annie: I think so.
Helen: I don’t.
Helen: Oh, Annie, these are my kids.
Helen’s Stepdaughter: Step kids. Step!
Helen: They’re so hilarious!
Helen: Excuse me, my husband’s kids. What are you guys up to?
Helen’s Stepdaughter: Going to the snack bar.
Helen: Awesome. You need a ride home later?
Helen’s Stepson: F*** off, Helen.
Helen: Okay. Put a quarter in the swear jar. Good to see you! They’re so cute!
Annie: Sweet kids.
'You're your problem. And you're also your solution.' - Megan (Bridesmaids) Click To Tweet
Helen’s Stepson: [as he watches Helen and Annie play tennis] I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.
Gil: [after Annie suggest that Brynn needs to pay rent] She’s on a tourist visa.
Brynn: Yeah. So technically I’m only allowed to tour.
Annie: Well, you know…
Brynn: I have no way of earning money. Unless I just go and prostitute down on the street.
Annie: I don’t want you to do that. No.
Brynn: “Hello, fellas. Here I am. Put you’re American sausage in my English McMuffin.”
Gil: No. But we did that.
Annie: Okay. I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore.