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Starring: Billy Eichner, Luke Macfarlane, Jim Rash, Bowen Yang, Harvey Fierstein, Ts Madison, Monica Raymund, Guillermo Díaz, Guy Branum, Amanda Bearse, Symone, Miss Lawrence, Benito Skinner
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Romantic comedy directed and co-written by Nicholas Stoller. Bros (2022) centers on Bobby (Billy Eichner) and Aaron (Luke Macfarlane), two gay men who are busy with the chaos of everyday life that they can’t find the time for love. However, after Bobby and Aaron unexpectedly cross paths, the two unwillingly start to develop a loving relationship.
Our Favorite Quotes:'Happiness for all of us comes from staying fluid, staying open to change. Open to being more than just who you thought you were, or more than what other people assume you are.' - Bobby (Bros) Click To Tweet
Bobby: [on his podcast] As some of you know, I wrote a series of children’s books to help parents teach kids about gay history, which no one bought. Turns out a four year-old didn’t want to hear a bedtime story about Martina Navratilova. Hey, parents, thanks for teaching your kids about Santa Claus, a straight man that doesn’t exist, and not Martina Navratilova, a lesbian who does.
Bobby: These big movie producers came to me and said, “We want you to write a rom-com about a gay couple. Something the whole world would enjoy. Something that a straight guy might even like and watch with his girlfriend.” I said, “Something a straight guy might like? Like what exactly? Am I going to be in the middle of some high-speed chase, and then all of a sudden fall in love with Ice Cube? Am I going to get butt-f***ed by Jason Momoa while we’re both, I don’t know, worrying about a volcano?” And he said, “Bobby, we just want to make a movie that shows the world gay and straight relationships are the same. Love is love is love.”
Bobby: I said, “Love is love is love? No, it’s not. That’s bulls**t. That is a lie we had to make up to convince you idiots to finally treat us fairly. Love is not love. Our relationships are different. Our sex lives are different.” And he said, “Bobby, we were just trying to make a nice movie about nice gay people.” And I said, “Well, there’s your first mistake, because not all gay people are nice.” And I got up and left. Anyway, it’s totally fine. I’m not the right person to write a rom-com anyway.
Bobby: I mean, I’m forty years-old. I’ve never been in love. I’ve never even had a serious relationship, which is fine. You know, I love my life. I love my freedom. I love my independence. But, you know, probably means I’m not the right person to write a love story.
Bobby: And between the weird sex with strangers that you don’t like, and conversations with friends you love, that you would never have sex with, you know, you cobble together a version of a romantic single life. And it’s good, you know? It works. It’s a lot more than what a lot of other people have in this world. And you try to remember that.
Bobby: You’re in a throuple for six months, and you didn’t tell me?
Paul: We didn’t know it’d get that serious.
Bobby: How serious is it going to get? You’re in a throuple. What are you going to do next, tell your grandparents?
Bobby: These things are fragile, and, you know, we’re men. Okay? Men dating men. Love is not love. We are horny, and selfish, and stupid. I am too.
Tina: And are you happy?
Bobby: Who’s so happy all the time?
Tina: A lot of people.
Bobby: Well, I really don’t trust those people.
'It is never easy. But it's worth it.' - Bobby (Bros) Click To Tweet
Bobby: I told Henry I’d meet him at this launch party. I wanted to go home and change first.
Tina: Aren’t you guys just going to take your shirts off anyway?
Bobby: No, we’re not just going to take our shirts off. It’s not 2003. You have a very clichéd view of what gay men do at a party.
Henry: [referring to the app] This is Zellweger. It’s for gay guys who just want to talk about actresses, then go to bed.
Bobby: Oh, I’d use that.
Henry: Bobby, I had sex with a sixty-five year-old.
Henry: He didn’t have an age on his profile. He was really nice, he had an amazing body. But he had this like big, white beard. I felt like Mrs. Claus.
Henry: [referring to Aaron] He’s at the gym sometimes. Very hot. Very boring.
Bobby: Oh, what else is new?
Bobby: [to Aaron] I’m very bad at flirting. And I’m also the type of person who tells you I’m flirting, which is so sexy.
'Confidence is just a choice you make. It's a decision like any other. Usually born out of necessity.' - Bobby (Bros) Click To Tweet
Aaron: I do probate law. I’m an estate planner. Basically, I write people’s wills.
Bobby: Do you like it?
Aaron: Oh, sure. When I was a kid, first thing I would think when I would meet someone is, “Who’s that person going to leave their s**t to when they die?” I really wanted to be part of the legal logistics of that.
Henry: Oh, my God. That’s the sixty-five year-old.
Bobby: Jesus, he’s ripped.
Henry: I know. It’s like they injected steroids into Dumbledore.
Aaron: Gay guys are so stupid.
Bobby: Oh, my God. I know. Gay guys are usually like the absolute smartest, or like the dumbest people I’ve ever met. We’ve been smart enough to brand ourselves as being smart and clever.
Bobby: What are you into? One of these boring, ripped idiots with no opinions?
Aaron: No, I’d like someone who’s physically very frail, and won’t stop talking.
'I want to look like a f***ing action star. Forget Provincetown. I want people to think I have a summer share on Jumanji. I'm sick of being niche. I want to be Thor.' - Bobby (Bros) Click To Tweet
Bobby: [to Aaron] Oh, are you emotionally unavailable? No one’s more emotionally unavailable than me. No one. I pride myself on that.
Bobby: See you on Grindr, or Zellweger, or whatever the f*** the next one is.
Aaron: I’m not on any of those.
Bobby: Then how do you meet people?
Aaron: I’m not really looking.
Bobby: Yeah. Me neither.
Bobby: I know you’re voguing, but can I please go home? Please?!
Bobby: [over text] I never realized how much Grindr was just like You’ve Got Mail. Smiley face.
Grindr Guy: Ha-ha. LOL. D**k pic?
Bobby: No d**k pic. Sorry. Think about You’ve Got Mail. Meg Ryan would never send you a picture of her genitalia.
Bobby: [after sending photo of his butt] “Took this just for you, bro.” Did he block me?
'I'm too gay for Aaron, but I'm too straight for you? Will somebody please tell me exactly how gay I'm supposed to be?' - Bobby (Bros) Click To Tweet
Bobby: We cannot afford to push our opening again. People will think we’re in trouble. Maybe this whole place could fall apart. We need new ideas for what goes in the final wing, and we need them now. Cherry, go.
Cherry: You know the blue whale hanging in the Museum of Natural History? What about that, but instead of the blue whale, it’s a lesbian?
Cherry: What about the four hundred lesbians who fought in the Civil War?
Angela: Shut up, Cherry. They were not all lesbians. Some of them were trans men.
Robert: I want a hall of bisexuals, like Disney’s Hall of Presidents. I want a stage full of animatronic, talking bisexuals. Talking, and moving, and gesturing bisexuals.
Robert: This happens to be Bisexual Awareness Week, and no one has acknowledged it!
Wanda: I acknowledged.
Robert: That is true. My bad.
Cherry: Lesbian History Month was in March! Nobody said a goddamn thing! It’s June! It was in March!
Robert: Of course, lesbians get a month, and we get a week.
'I insist on progress, not just for our LGBTQ heroes, but for our LGBTQ a**holes.' - Robert (Bros) Click To Tweet
Wanda: I want you to know that I hear you. I see you, and I’m holding space for you.
Angela: There she go. There she go. She never has any ideas of her own, but she’s always “holding space”.
Bobby: We need to get people to rethink history through a queer prism, not comfort them with another f***ing gay wedding. Alright? It’s a museum. It’s not Schitt’s Creek.
Angela: Ooh, I like Schitt’s Creek
Wanda: Love Schitt’s Creek.
Cherry: That show has layers.
Bobby: Everyone loves Schitt’s Creek. Great. Okay.
Tamara: That’s who you remind me of. Eugene Levy.
Aaron: [referring to leaving money in his will] Well, sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about who means the most to you in the world. Who is it?
Melvin Funk: Cher.
Aaron: Okay, so you want to leave a hundred thousand dollars to Cher? Do you really think that she needs that?
Melvin Funk: She has a huge staff.
'It doesn't make you look weak to love someone.' - Tina (Bros) Click To Tweet
Aaron: [over text] It’s Aaron. How’s Grindr?
Bobby: A dream. I spent forty-five minutes taking a picture of my own a**.
Bobby: [over text] You may be more emotionally unavailable than I am.
Aaron: Well, maybe we can be emotionally unavailable together.
Bobby: “Maybe we can be emotionally unavailable together”? Who’s writing your texts? Maroon 5?
'There are people out there worth letting your guard down for. Were you happier with him or without him? That's all that really matters.' - Tina (Bros) Click To Tweet
Bobby: [over text] We can do whatever, and we can do it whenever. Does that work for you?
Aaron: Yeah, that definitely works.
Bobby: Great. Whatever, whenever.
Aaron: Cool. Whatever, whenever. GIF of Michael Scott dancing. He’s good.
Bobby: [to himself] Office GIF? This person isn’t gay.
Bobby: [to Aaron] You’re like a grown-up gay Boy Scout, and I’m like whatever ends up happening to Evan Hansen.
'We are not a monolithic group. We are some of the smartest and most self-reliant people you will ever meet. And we are so stupid. And we are a total mess. And we are great.' - Wanda (Bros) Click To Tweet
Bobby: What’s your favorite movie?
Aaron: The Hangover.
Bobby: The Hangover is your favorite movie of all time? How many movies have you seen? One?
Bobby: [referring to the movie] It’s about two closeted gay frontiersmen in the California Gold Rush of 1849. But really it’s about two straight actors playing gay, trying to win an Oscar.
Bobby: I never tire of watching two very straight actors really transform themselves into being sad and gay.
Aaron: Gay actors playing gay, that’s not even acting.
Bobby: Oh, I totally agree. If they ever make a movie about my life, they better hire a straight actor. I like to think of my life story as just another way for Benedict Cumberbatch to really score.
Aaron: Why does it always have to be so tragic?
Bobby: I don’t know. Philadelphia, Milk, Brokeback. Happy endings don’t win Oscars. Straight people love seeing us miserable.
Bobby: [as he and Aaron arrive at his apartment] Well, like the bearded lady in The Greatest Showman, this is me.
Aaron: I don’t really do the whole relationship thing very well.
Bobby: Relationship? When did I say I wanted to be in a relationship with you? We literally hung out one day.
Bobby: Why are gay guys so weird? Actually, you know, we’re not weird. We’re just constantly catering to our own whims and needs, which can change on a dime, but we never even think about the emotional consequences of the other person.
Tina: Thanks for coming. We’re convinced Brian’s gay, and I think it’s good for him to have his gay uncle around.
Bobby: Oh, my God. Of course. I’m always here to be a good “guncle” to my “g-nephew”.
Bobby: Gay relationships these days are like a clown car. Oh, there’s another one. Oh, look, another one. Oh, another one? It’s ridiculous.
Bobby: [referring to Aaron] He told me he likes country music and his favorite singer is Garth Brooks. What kind of gay man says his favorite singer is Garth Brooks? That scares me.
Edgar: Maybe you’re both bottoms, and that’s the problem.
Bobby: I’m not always the bottom, Edgar.
Hannah: Bottom dance!
Tina: Ooh, bottom dance!
Bobby: Oh, my God. Gay sex was more fun when straight people were uncomfortable with it. F***ing Schitt’s Creek.
Bobby: [referring to Aaron] He is like on another level. He’s like gay Tom Brady. When I’m with him, I feel like frigging Elphaba.
Tina: Gay guys from your generation still have all these pent-up masculinity issues, and you all just need to get over it already. Half the kids in Brian’s class are nonbinary.
Bobby: Well, it’s not fair, Tina. We had AIDS, and they had Glee.
Bobby: Everyone, there are rock paintings in Zimbabwe which depict homosexuality that date back to the year 2000 BCE. If only the men on those paintings had lived another four thousand years to see a character come out on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Aaron: [referring to the museum] But it’s kind of depressing.
Bobby: It’s depressing? It made you depressed?
Aaron: It’s AIDS, and Nazis, and homophobia. All of it’s just, it’s kind of a downer.
Bobby: Okay. Well, what were you expecting? A Night at the Museum?
Aaron: Honestly, my family loves that movie.
Bobby: If we don’t do this, we’re letting them win. We’re letting the heterosexual terrorists win.
Cherry: The heterosexual terrorists?
Bobby: That’s right.
Robert: There are also gay terrorists.
Bobby: And there are bi terrorists, okay? There are many bisexual terrorists.
Tamara: Okay, there are trans terrorists too. Caitlyn Jenner.
Debra Messing: [to Bobby] Are you okay, dear? You seem a little flustered. Trust me. I know I’m Debra Messing, but I’m only human.
Debra Messing: [to Bobby] You know, for the last twenty-five years, I have been listening to every gay man on earth complain to me. I am not my character. I am not every gay man’s best friend. I am simply out in the world, thinking that I’m going to get a tour of a museum. But no. No! Did I waltz in here and lay all my s**t on you? Answer me! Answer me! Shut up! I am a divorced single mother. You want to hear what that’s like?
Debra Messing: Do you have some personal s**t you want to complain to me about?
Debra Messing: Of course not. Because lesbians have their s**t together.
Debra Messing: I am not Grace! It is a character. I won an Emmy for it. I even beat Sarah Jessica Parker. People forget! I’m shaving my head.
Bobby: [after they’ve had sex] It’s called a concave chest.
Aaron: Well, I like it. It’s like a tiny birdbath.
Bobby: It’s like a birdbath? Great. I always wanted my chest to look exactly like a tiny birdbath. It’s what every man wants.
Aaron: I like how hairy you are. You’re like Austin Powers.
Bobby: God, I never thought I would date someone who gets more excited about Austin Powers than Debra Messing. Where did I go wrong?
Bobby: So annoying how good a warm body feels laying on another warm body.
Bobby: [to Aaron] You don’t have to be stuck in that miserable office all day. You could be out in the world, I don’t know, making fudge, you know? You’re like a Keebler elf with internalized homophobia. You have to do this. You have to become a chocolatier.
Bobby: I’m telling you, it is not easy. It is never easy. But it’s worth it.
Aaron: Wait, so you’re asking this guy to donate the remaining five million?
Bobby: No. If I can get one million out of him, I’ll take it. You can’t scare these people off by seeming too needy. Kind of like with you.
Bobby: What would you like to see in the museum?
Lawrence Grape: A haunted house of gay trauma.
Bobby: A haunted house of gay trauma?
Lawrence Grape: [to Bobby and Aaron] Now I have to go to a Pride party, and you’re both too old to be in the pool. Please leave.
Aaron: You are the most confident person I know, like to fault. It’s actually, it’s kind of scary.
Bobby: Trust me, it’s all an act. Confidence is just a choice you make. It’s a decision like any other. Usually born out of necessity.
Bobby: Even my dad, who was so wonderful and supportive, I remember him saying, “You know, not everyone wants to hear this gay stuff all the time.” But what was I supposed to do? I mean, I’m a writer. I wanted to write about my life, my friends, my world. And I’m telling you, enough people tell you things like that, no matter how confident you are, when you’re alone at night, you start to think that maybe they’re right. So, I just, I put my head down, and I just worked really hard, and I just hoped that somehow all these other people were wrong. And they were. And they were.
Bobby: Let me tell you, confidence is just knowing you’re the only person left you can count on. That’s all that is. That’s all.
Aaron: You want another beer?
Bobby: Sure. Sorry. That was a lot. Did that weird you out?
[Aaron kisses him]
Aaron: That is a weird dance.
Bobby: Excuse me. At least I dance.
Aaron: I can dance.
Bobby: I have never seen you dance. Literally, no one has.
Bobby: Oh, this is just like When Harry Met Sally.
Aaron: What do you mean?
Bobby: It’s that classic scene where Billy Crystal runs to Meg Ryan on New Year’s Eve and asks her if she wants to have an open relationship.
Bobby: Well, if you need me, I’ll be home hate watching Hallheart Christmas movies.
Bobby: Aaron, I understand. You and I come from different worlds. I’m from New York City. You’re from Upstate New York.
Anne: Are you a Hallheart fan?
Bobby: I dabble.
Anne: There’s Josh.
Bobby: Wearing shorts in winter, like a total psychopath.
Josh: How’s Hallheart Village treating you? Did you see the gay movie that they did? It was kind of dope.
Bobby: Yeah, for years they ignored us, then their audience got ten percent less homophobic, so they decided we’re a new demographic they can sell s**t to. I mean, look at these movies. Have Yourself A Heteronormative Little Christmas. Miracle on 34th Street but with One Gay Guy. Home Alone but with Sarah Paulson. I mean, it’s absurd.
Aaron: [to Bobby] We have been with my parents for two hours, and you’ve already talked about transgender mannequins, HIV prevention, and you pointed out the route to the 1976 Dyke March.
Bobby: I think we should go home and talk about this.
Aaron: Oh, really? You want to talk more?
Bobby: Well, I think it’s better than going to party with Josh, the self-loathing meathead who took forty years to come out.
Aaron: Yeah, well, not everybody’s you, Bobby.
Bobby: Okay. But forty years? J.R.R. Tolkien took less time with his journey.
Bobby: [to Aaron] I’m not apologizing for myself. I will leave that to you.
Bobby: No, I want steroids, or like testosterone, or HGH, or something. I keep working out, but I don’t get bigger. I want to look like a f***ing action star. Forget Provincetown. I want people to think I have a summer share on Jumanji. I’m sick of being niche. I want to be Thor.
Tamara: So, Angela and I have proposed that the final exhibit be called Post-Gay.
Angela: Yes, because just being gay is old news.
Bobby: Okay. So, now I’m too gay for Aaron, but I’m too straight for you? Will somebody please tell me exactly how gay I’m supposed to be?!
Aaron: Bobby, you are so different from me. You’re not afraid to take up space in the world. You challenge me. Which at first, it freaked me out, because who the f*** wants to be challenged all the time? But I love it. You’re what’s been missing.
Bobby: [to Aaron] My whole life, I have prided myself on being self-aware, and self-reliant, and self-possessed, and it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because, at the end of the day, I just ended up in the street looking at you, and looking at Josh, and thinking, “I’m not enough for him.”
Aaron: Say you’ll give me another chance.
Bobby: I can’t do that.
Aaron: Why not?
Bobby: Because I don’t trust you. I’ve been alone so long, who knows? Maybe that’s the only way I know how to be.
Aaron: [to Bobby] If you don’t trust me, that’s fine. But if for some reason, underneath all that strength and confidence, you still don’t trust that you are lovable enough, I’m living proof that you’re wrong.
Bobby: Look, I know I’ve been a very angry, judgmental person, obviously. And sometimes anger can be good. I know you all know that because, for years, it was the fuel we all needed to keep going.
Tamara: Oh, my God. Do you guys remember straight people?
Cherry: Yeah. They had a nice run.
Bobby: Look, this is the only community I’ve ever loved being a part of. And we fight like crazy, and we always have, but you’re my people. And I am so sorry that I was so rude and spoke down to you. I should’ve shown you much more respect. There is truly no group of people on earth that I love and respect more.
Robert: Well, I am not going to lie. I am still angry. But I insist on progress, not just for our LGBTQ heroes, but for our LGBTQ a**holes. Like you.
Jason: I’m crashing here because I’m in the middle of a divorce, and you haven’t asked me about it once.
Aaron: I’m sorry. So, how’s the divorce?
Jason: I don’t want to talk about it.
Bobby: [referring to Aaron] I just don’t know if I can trust him.
Tina: He f***ed up. People f*** up.
Bobby: You know what it is? I just don’t want to want someone else this much.
Tina: But you do. It doesn’t make you look weak to love someone. Vulnerability is not a boner killer.
Tina: [to Bobby, referring to Aaron] I know you. I know that you’ve had a million reasons to keep your guard up all these years. But there are people out there worth letting your guard down for. Were you happier with him or without him? That’s all that really matters.
Aaron: Bobby texted me!
Jason: Well, what did he say?
Aaron: He said, “Hey, what’s up?”
Jason: “Hey, what’s up?” F*** yeah, bro!
Jason: Aaron, what the f*** is up with you and the CrossFit every day? Jesus! What are you people all training for? You going to war? Stop playing it so cool. Just go and tell him how you feel.
Jason: [to Aaron] Straight people, we’re so set in our ways. But gay people, you guys are all so, you’re so smart. You’re going to figure it out. My story is not your story. Go write your own damn story.
Wanda: One of the hardest parts of putting the museum together was figuring out what the final exhibit would be. The message we’d leave people with about who we are. But the truth is we are not one thing. We are not a monolithic group. We are some of the smartest and most self-reliant people you will ever meet. And we are so stupid. And we are a total mess. And we are great.
Bobby: Happiness for all of us comes from staying fluid, staying open to change. Open to being more than just who you thought you were, or more than what other people assume you are.
Bobby: Tonight is about love, and we’ve seen a lot of tortured gay cowboys played by a lot of straight actors over the years. So, this is a love song from one gay cowboy to another, inspired by everyone’s favorite LGBTQ+ icon, Garth Brooks.
Debra Messing: Bobby, I just have to tell you…
Bobby: In all my years, I never thought I’d say this. But, Debra Messing, it’ll have to wait.
Bobby: Aaron Shepard, I know we’re not relationship people, but will you date me for three months, and then we’ll reassess?
Aaron: Yes, Bobby Leiber. I will date you for three months, and then we can reassess.
Hannah: Mommy, what’s happening?
Tina: It’s a miracle. Uncle Bobby’s going to date someone for three months.
Ben Stiller: It’s a Night at the Gay Museum.