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Starring: Brad Pitt, Joey King, Andrew Koji, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Zazie Beetz, Masi Oka, Michael Shannon, Logan Lerman, Hiroyuki Sanada, Karen Fukuhara, Bad Bunny, Sandra Bullock
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Action thriller directed by David Leitch. Bullet Train (2022) centers on Ladybug (Brad Pitt), who is an unlucky assassin determined to do his job peacefully. Fate, however, may have other plans, as Ladybug’s latest mission puts him on a collision course with lethal adversaries from around the globe, all with connected, yet conflicting, objectives, on the world’s fastest bullet train.
Our Favorite Quotes:'It's like Thomas the Tank Engine always says, “Simple is better.”' - Lemon (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Maria: [over phone] Thank you for taking the job on such short notice.
Ladybug: I am ready. You are getting the new and improved me. Since I’ve been working with Barry, I am experiencing a calm like never before. Never. Like, I’m less reactive to situations, I’m more accepting of people’s shortcomings. I was a little uncertain about coming back to work, but it’s like Barry says, “You put peace out in the world, you get peace back.”
Maria: I think your new therapist might be forgetting what you do for a living, little Ladybug.
Ladybug: [over phone] Oh, I see what you’re doing. Ladybugs are supposed to be lucky.
Maria: You don’t have bad luck.
Ladybug: Really? My bad luck is biblical. I’m not even trying to kill people and someone dies.
Maria: That’s an exaggeration.
Ladybug: [over phone] I’m filling in for Carver? You picked me second to Carver?
Maria: You said you wanted simple for your first job back. Doesn’t get simpler.
Maria: [over phone] I’m going to assume you didn’t take the gun?
Ladybug: Barry says every conflict is an opportunity for a peaceful, what was it?
Maria: And your handler says some conflicts require a gun.
'You put peace out in the world, you get peace back.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Ladybug: You know, I’m thinking of starting my own agency. You know, all simple jobs, all the time.
Maria: That’s a terrible business plan.
Ladybug: No more sociopaths. No more maniacs. Just quality people. Barry says it’s time for some change. I think he’s right.
Maria: Barry does not know what you do for a living.
Tangerine: [referring to stealing the biscuits] Why did I do that? It’s like I got a compulsion or something. I have to take it if I see it.
Lemon: Need to talk to someone. Serious.
Tangerine: A goldfish biscuit? I mean, I don’t understand it.
Ladybug: Okay, simple snatch and grab. What am I snatching and, or grabbing?
Maria: A briefcase. Intel says there’s a train sticker on the handle.
Ladybug: Briefcases have owners. Owners are not simple.
Ladybug: Why didn’t you tell me to bring that gun?
Maria: I did. You chose spiritual enlightenment.
'A negative outlook leads to a negative outcome.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Ladybug: So, what’s in this case?
Maria: Are we doing this? You know what’s in the case.
Ladybug: Money. It’s always money.
Tangerine: Tangerines are sophisticated.
Lemon: Oh, now he’s calling a fruit sophisticated.
Tangerine: Yeah, it’s cross-hybridized with other fruit. They’re adaptable. Like me.
Lemon: And why am I Lemon?
Tangerine: Because you’re sour. No one likes lemons.
Lemon: That’s b****cks, mate. Lemonades. Lemon drops.
Tangerine: You got a sore throat?
Lemon: Lemon meringue pie.
Tangerine: When was the last time you ate a lemon meringue pie?
Lemon: Lemon drizzle cake.
Tangerine: I’m sorry, are you talking about lemons?
Ladybug: [after getting the case] What’s the catch?
Maria: There is no catch.
Ladybug: There’s always a catch.
Maria: Get off the train.
'With any potential conflict, there's an opportunity for growth, a path to a peaceful outcome.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Lemon: You ever watch Thomas the Tank Engine?
Tangerine: Here we go.
Lemon: Hey, you watch something nowadays, what is it, huh? Nothing. It’s twists, violence, drama, no message. What’s the point? Huh? What are we supposed to learn? Everything I learned about people I learned from Thomas.
Lemon: Take Tangerine here. He’s a Gordon, this blue one. And Gordon is the strongest, the most important, but he doesn’t always listen to others.
Tangerine: What’s that, now?
Lemon: [to the Son] I mean, some people are Edwards, wise, kind. Some are Henrys, hardworking, and strong. Some people are Diesels. F*** me! Those are trouble. You, though, yeah, you seem like a Percy. Young. Sweet. Not all there.
Lemon: Looks like it’s time for a Jaffa Cake.
Tangerine: How about a Wagon Wheel?
Lemon: Oh, that works.
'Not twins. Loonies, but not twins.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Tangerine: Well, what would Thomas the Tank Engine say, Lemon?
Lemon: That’s really mean.
Tangerine: He’d say, “Hey, take responsibility, mate.”
Lemon: He doesn’t sound like that.
Maria: Are you nervous?
Ladybug: Yeah, I’m nervous.
Maria: You sound nervous.
Ladybug: Because I am, in fact, nervous.
Tangerine: Do you know what they call your papushka?
The Son: Of course I f***ing do.
Lemon: The White Death. Not exactly a fruit.
Ladybug: This is too easy.
Maria: You’re over thinking it.
Ladybug: You’re under thinking it.
Maria: It’s not a word.
Ladybug: Yes, it is.
Ladybug: I think it is.
Maria: Did you Google it?
'I don't mean to interrupt what's going on here, but you wouldn't happen to have seen a tiny white p**ck with a pair of glasses come through here, have you?' - Lemon (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Maria: What would Barry say?
Ladybug: Barry would say, “A negative outlook leads to a negative outcome.”
Maria: Wow. How much do you pay him again?
The Son: [to Tangerine] He doesn’t need a reason to kill people like you. He needs a reason not to. Does he have one?
Tangerine: [after losing the briefacse with the money] Three words describe our situation right now. Do you know what they are?
Lemon: Sure do. Saved his son. Family’s more important than money, right?
'Make sure you do something that brings you peace, because everything else is a pain in the a**.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Tangerine: So, let me put this bluntly. There’s this soulless psychotic leader with the largest criminal organization on the planet shoved right inside our f***ing a** cheeks.
Lemon: That m**herf***er’s definitely a Diesel then, isn’t he?
Tangerine: If you mention Thomas the Tank Engine one more time, I’m going to shoot you in the f***ing face.
Tangerine: He asked for pros who wouldn’t f*** up. Three words, Lemon. We are…
Prince: People think that I’m just some young girl. Someone’s future wife, or future mother. But I’m not in someone else’s story. You’re all in mine.
'Everything that's ever happened to you has led you here. Fate.' - The Elder, 'Well, that's a s**t deal.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Tangerine: You still got that vest on you?
Lemon: Oh, no. Vests give you a false sense of security. You might like get shot in the neck.
Tangerine: Yeah, it also stops you from getting shot in the chest. But I guess you missed that episode of Thomas, did you?
Lemon: I really must have, because that sounds dark as s**t. Nut up or shut up, bruv.
Lemon: First his wife, now his son? That’s a lot of white deaths.
Ladybug: You stabbed me?
Wolf: You ruined my life.
Ladybug: I don’t even know you!
'When we are so quick to anger, we are slow to understand.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Ladybug: [as they’re fighting] Can we just take a time-out here? Talk this out?
Wolf: I will never stop coming for you.
Wolf: Run as far as you like. I will find you.
Wolf: And I will ruin your life the way you ruined mine.
Ladybug: Dude, I don’t even know you!
Ladybug: [after Wolf is killed by his own knife] Let this be a lesson in the toxicity of anger.
'We prepare together, or we die alone.' - The Elder (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Tangerine: You see the case, deal with whoever has it.
Lemon: Alright, how do I do that? Talk to him, or like talk to him?
Tangerine: I don’t know. Why don’t you tell him about the story about how Gordon met Percy, and how Percy’s now bleeding from his f***ing eye sockets?!
Annoyed Passenger: Well, excuse me.
Lemon: You are f***ing excused.
Ladybug: [over phone] I missed my stop.
Ladybug: Because God hates me.
Maria: No, she doesn’t.
'If you do not control your fate, it will control you.' - White Death (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Maria: [over phone] Get off at the next stop.
Ladybug: Ah, it sounds so easy when you say it.
Ladybug: The guy who stabbed me. I spilled wine on his suit. He’s dead now.
Maria: You killed the Wolf?
Ladybug: It was an accident. I’m really going to have to process my part in the incident on Monday.
Ladybug: Remember those two wackos from the Bolivia job? Killed all those people?
Maria: The Twins?
Ladybug: Yeah, I’m not so sure they’re twins.
Maria: Stop it. Everyone knows they’re twins.
'Maybe there's no bad luck, or good luck. Maybe we're all just agents of fate.' - Ladybug (Bullet Train) Click To Tweet
Maria: Well, now we know who the owners of the case are.
Ladybug: See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. We have to have a hard discussion about the caliber of people we are surrounding ourselves with.
Ladybug: There’s a gun under this…
Lemon: Shh. Woh. This is the quiet car. Got to use your small inside voice in here, son.