The Cabin in the Woods Quotes: Deconstruction of Horror(Total Quotes: 72)
Directed by: Drew Goddard
Kristen Connolly – Dana
Chris Hemsworth – Curt
Anna Hutchison – Jules
Fran Kranz – Marty
Jesse Williams – Holden
Richard Jenkins – Sitterson
Bradley Whitford – Hadley
Brian White – Truman
Amy Acker – Lin
Sigourney Weaver – The Director
Tim De Zarn – Mordecai
Tom Lenk – Ronald The Intern
Dan Payne – Mathew Buckner
Jodelle Ferland – Patience Buckner
Dan Shea – Father Buckner
Maya Massar – Mother Buckner
Matt Drake – Judah Buckner
Nels Lennarson – Clean Man
OUR REVIEW & RATING ★★★☆☆
The Cabin in the Woods quotes have managed to completely deconstruct horror movies as we know it in a wonderfully novel, bold and imaginative way. It’s a great mixture of scary movie clichés, wacky ideas, twisty puzzle, sharp dialogue with lots of blood and gore thrown in. The story centers around five stereotypical college kids; there’s the hunky jock, Curt, the promiscuous sexy girl, Dana, the good girl, Jules, the brainy one, Holden, and the goofy stoner, Marty. As they all get together and head to a remote, creepy looking cabin in the woods for vacation, they find an ancient diary in the cabin containing ominous passages in Latin and after Dana reads from the diary that then things start getting bloody horrific and weird on them.
Verdict: Although there are plenty of plot holes in the story, and it’s more funny than actually scary, it’s the combination of trashy horror, mind-wrapping twists and intelligence thrown in that makes the film work.
The Cabin In The Woods Quotes
[first lines; two office workers are talking by the coffee machine]
Hadley: It’s hormonal. I mean, I don’t usually fall back on, you know, how it’s…it’s women’s issues.
Sitterson: But child proofed how? I mean, gates and stuff?
Hadley: Dude, she did the drawers. We don’t even know if this whole fertility thing’s gonna work, she’s screwing these little locks, I mean you can’t even open the drawers.
Sitterson: At all?
Hadley: Well, they open like an inch, but then you gotta dig your finger in. I mean, it’s a nightmare.
Sitterson: I guess, sooner or later.
Hadley: Yeah, well, a lot later! She did the upper cabinets. It’ll be thirty before it can reach ’em, assuming, you know, we have a kid.
[Sitterson and Hadley are walking in a huge office complex, Lin interrupts their conversation]
Lin: Guys. Guys! Stockholm went south.
Sitterson: Seriously? I thought they were looking good.
Hadley: We’re cracked.
Lin: I haven’t seen the project boards, just going around.
Hadley: Well, it’s never been a stable scenario. Everyone knows you can’t trust Swedes.
Lin: That means there’s just Japan. Japan and us.
Hadley: Well, it’s not the first time it’s comes down to that.
Sitterson: Japan has a perfect record.
Hadley: We’re number two. We try harder.
Lin: But, guys, if we fail…
Sitterson: Please! We haven’t had a glitch since 98.
Hadley: We know what we’re doing, Lin. We have it written down, somewhere.
Lin: You guys better not be messing around in there.
[Sitterson and Hadley get into a small electrical buggy]
Sitterson: Ooh, does this mean you’re not in the betting pool this year? Big money.
Lin: I’m just saying it’s a key scenario.
Hadley: No, I heard what you’re saying. In 98 it was Chem department’s fault, right?
[looking at Lin]
Hadley: Where do you work again? Wait, it’s coming back to me now.
[just at that moment they ride off in their buggy leaving Lin behind]
[just as they leave Lin and are driving off in their buggy]
Hadley: This will be a long weekend if everyone’s that puckered up. So you wanna come over Monday night? I’m gonna pick up some power drill, then we’re gonna hit my cabinets.
[Sitterson doesn’t answer as he’s messing around with this coffee cup]
Hadley: Are you even listening to me?
[at that moment the movie’s title hits the screen ‘The Cabin in the Woods’]
[Dana is getting ready in her apartment, she picks up her notebook and looks at a drawing of a man, Jules comes up behind her as she’s looking at the drawing]
Jules: Uch! Professor Fuckwad! Why haven’t you stuck that asshole’s picture on the dart board yet?
Dana: It’s not that simple.
[Dana turns and looks at Jules and notices her hair color]
Dana: Oh, my God! Your hair! It’s blond!
Jules: Very fabulous, not!
Dana: I can’t believe you did it!
Jules: But very fabulous, right?
[Dana doesn’t answer]
Jules: Are you up with the very fabulous? I’m getting insecure about it now.
Dana: Oh, God…no, no! It looks awesome. Curt’s gonna lose it.
Jules: Oh, Curt’s gonna thank me. And so will you.
[Jules rips off the paper with the picture of the professor]
Jules: While we’re burning this picture.
[she walks off with the picture]
Dana: No! I’m not ready. Seriously! This isn’t his fault.
[Dana grabs the piece of paper off of Jules]
Jules: What’s not his fault? Fucking his student or breaking up with her by email?
Dana: I knew what I was getting into.
Jules: Oh, please!
Jules: Do you know what you’re getting into this weekend?
[she shows Dana a red bikini]
Jules: This! And, if Holden’s as cute as Curt says he is, possibly getting out of it.
Dana: That is the last thing that I want. If you guys treat this like a setup, I’m gonna have no fun at all.
Jules: I’m not pushing. But we’re packing this! Which means we definitely won’t have room for…
[she takes out Dana’s books from her bag]
Dana: Oh, what if I get bored?
Jules: These’ll help?
[she reads the names of the books]
Jules: ‘Soviet Economic Structures’! Aftermath of the Co..’! No! We have a lake and a cake! No more learning!
[after Curt walks in on the girls as they’re talking about packing for their trip]
Curt: Hey, I’m kind of seeing this girl, but you’re way blonder than she is. I was thinking maybe…
[he looks down and notices Dana’s books in Jules’ hand]
Curt: What is this? What are these? What are you doing with these?
Dana: Okay, I get it. I don’t believe this.
Curt: No! No! No! Who gave you these? Who taught you about these?
Jules: I learned it from you. Okay. I learned it from watching you!
[Jules stomps off, Curt laughs and turns to Dana]
Curt: Okay, seriously. Professor Bennett, he covers this whole book in his lectures.
[he goes over to Dana’s bookcase and takes out a book]
Curt: You should read, this. Perofsky, now this is way more interesting. Also Bennett doesn’t know it by heart, so he’ll think you’re insightful. And you have no pants.
[Curt smiles and walk out of her room as Dana looks down and notices she’s just got no pants on]
[as they are getting their luggage into the RV]
Holden: Is that pretty much it?
Curt: Fucking better be!
[turning to Jules as he carries all her bags]
Curt: You know it’s just the weekend, not an evacuation.
Jules: Trust me when I say that there’s nothing in these cases you won’t be glad I brought.
Curt: I’m shuttin’ right up.
[as Marty pulls up in his car whilst smoking pot from a huge bong]
Curt: What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?
Marty: People in this town drive in a very counter intuitive manner. That’s what I have to say.
Curt: You wanna spend the weekend in jail? Cause we’d all like to check out my cousin’s country home.
Jules: Marty, honey, that’s not okay.
Marty: Statistical fact, cops will never pull a real man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man, they know he sees further than they and will bind them with ancient logics.
[referring to Jules newly dyed hair]
Marty: Have you gone grey?
Curt: Look, you’re not bringing that thing into the van.
Marty: What? A giant bong in your father’s van? What, are you stoned?
[as they are driving to the cabin]
Jules: I hope this is the right road. It doesn’t even show up on the GPS. It is unworthy of global positioning.
Marty: That’s the whole point! Get off the grid, right? No cell phone reception, no entrapment cameras. Go some place for one God damn weekend where you can’t globally position my ass. Okay, this is the whole issue…
Jules: Is society crumbling, Marty?
Marty: No, society is binding. Right? It’s filling in the cracks with concrete. Everything’s filed or reported, logged, right? Chips in our kids heads so they won’t get lost. Society needs to crumble. We’re all just too chicken shit to let it.
Jules: Alright, Mr. Rants!
Marty: You will come to see things my way.
[we see Hadley and Sitterson enter an underground complex facility with surveillance equipment]
Hadley: What’s your name?
Truman: Daniel Truman, sir.
Hadley: This isn’t the military, Truman. You can drop the sir, but uh…Sitterson does like to be called, man.
Sitterson: Or honeytoes.
Hadley: He will also answer to honeytoes. You clear on what’s gonna be happening here?
Truman: I’ve been prepped, extensively.
Hadley: And did they tell you that being prepped is not the same thing as being prepared?
Truman: They told me. I’ll hold my post, Mr. Hadley.
Hadley: Good man.
[as they get the surveillance monitoring devices up and running]
Sitterson: Okay, systems online.
Hadley: Acquiring targets. Let’s see what we got.
[as they pull up their van at an isolated creepy looking gas station]
Mordecai: Sign says closed.
Curt: Hey, we were looking to buy some gas. Does this pump work?
Mordecai: If you know how to work it.
Holden: We also wanted to get some directions.
Curt: Yeah, we’re looking for uh…what’s it called?
[turns to Jules]
Jules: Tillerman Road. Do you know if it’s this way?
Mordecai: Tillerman Road takes you up the hill there, gets you to the old Buckner place.
Curt: My cousin bought a house up there. You go through like a mountain tunnel, there’s a lake. Would that be the…?
Mordecai: Buckner place, always thought they were lookin’ to sell that plot.
[referring to the owners of the cabin they are going to]
Jules: You knew the original owners?
Mordecai: Well, at first I’d see plenty come and go. Hell, I’ve been here since the war.
Jules: Which war?
Mordecai: You know damn well which war!
Marty: Would that have been with the blue and salmon grey brother perhaps, fighting against brother, in that war?
Mordecai: You sassin’ me, boy?
Marty: You were rude to my friend.
Mordecai: That whore?
Curt: What’d you say?
Holden: I think we got enough gas.
Mordecai: You got enough to get you there. Gettin’ back, that’s your concern.
[Curt takes some cash out and throws it at Mordecai and walks off]
Marty: Well, good luck with your business, sir. I know the railroad’s coming through here any day now. That’s gonna be big! Streets paved with actual street!
[to himself as he turns and walks to the van]
[as they drive up to the cabin which looks run down and creepy]
Curt: This must be it.
Jules: Oh, my God! It’s uh…beautiful.
Jules: One spider and I’m sleeping in the van. I mean it.
[after Holden discovers the mirror in his room is one-way and before he has a chance to spy on Dana, he decides to be a gentleman and let her know it’s there before she undresses]
Dana: You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me! That’s just creepy.
Marty: It was pioneer days, people had to make their own interrogation rules.
Holden: What did your cousin buy this for?
Curt: We should check the rest of the rooms to make sure this is the only one.
[grabbing hold of Jules]
Cause you know Marty likes to watch us pounding away.
Marty: I ain’t even like, hearing that.
[as Dana is still feeling creeped out by the discovery of the one-way mirror]
Holden: How about we switch? Not that I…I mean I put the picture back, but you might feel better if we switched rooms.
Dana: I really would. Thanks, for uh…being decent.
Holden: It’s the least I could do. Since Curt and Jules sold you to me for marriage.
Dana: Hmm…they’re not subtle.
Holden: Well, I’ll just be flattered and keep you to myself.
Dana: Yeah, I’m not looking for…but I’m still grateful that you’re not a creep.
Holden: Let’s not jump to any conclusions there. I had kind of an internal debate about showing you the mirror. Shouting on both sides, blood was spilled.
Dana: So, you’re bleeding internally.
Holden: Pretty bad.
Dana: Well, Jules is pre-med. You should probably talk to her.
Holden: Uh…oh, okay.
[Dana feeling walks off to her room, she sees the one-way mirror as Holden gets undressed but quickly puts the creepy looking picture back up to cover the mirror]
[back in the underground complex facility we see that all the rooms in the cabin are under surveillance and each person is being watched]
Sitterson: Places everyone. We are live!
Hadley: Engineering we got a room change, Polk is now in two, McCrea is in four. Operations, do you copy? We need a scenario adjustment.
[as they watch Jules on their monitor, Lin confirms something has been put in Jules’ hair dye which will affect her behavior]
Lin: The hair dye.
Sitterson: Dumb blond, very artistic.
Lin: Works its way into the blood and the scalp, very gradual, if Chem department keeps their end up.
Hadley: I’ll see it when I believe it.
[Mordecai phones the underground complex and Hadley, Sitterson and Lin listen to Mordecai on the speaker phone]
Hadley: Mordecai, baby! What’s happenin’? How’s the weather up top?
Mordecai: The lambs have passed through the gate. They are come to the killing floor.
Hadley: Well, you’re…you’re doing a great job out there. By the numbers, man. You gotta start it off just right. So we’ll talk to you later, okay?
Mordecai: Their blind eyes sees nothing of the horror to come. Their ears are stopped. They are the guard’s fools.
Hadley: Well, that’s how it works.
Mordecai: Cleanse them, cleanse the world of their ignorance and sin. Bathe in the crimson of…
Mordecai: Am I on speaker phone?
Hadley: No! Absolutely not. Speaker phone? No! No! I wouldn’t do that.
Mordecai: Yes, I am. I can hear the echo.
[Sitterson and Hadley smile]
Hadley: Oh, my God! You’re right. Hang on one second, I’ll take you off.
Mordecai: That’s rude. I don’t know who’s in the room!
Hadley: Fine, there.
[Hadley pretends to take him off speaker phone and the others laugh in silence]
Mordecai: Thank you. Don’t take this lightly, boy. It wasn’t all by your ‘numbers’; the Reveler fooled you and derailed the invocation with his insolence. The injured one see everything, and they will not be…
[he stops as he hears Hadley and Sitterson laugh]
Mordecai: I’m still on speaker phone, aren’t I?
[Hadley and Sitterson laugh out loud even harder]
Hadley: Oh, my God! Mordecai! I can’t believe it! I did it again. Morty?!
[as all the workers in the underground complex have gathered for a betting pool]
Sitterson: Alright! Last chance, it’s post time. Dig deep people, betting windows are closing.
Hadley: Who’s still out?
Sitterson: Uh…let us see. We got Engineering, we got R & D, we got Electrical.
Hadley: Did you see who they picked? They practically giving their money away.
Sitterson: You should talk, merman.
Sitterson: I don’t know.
[as they watch Sitterson and Hadley take bets from the other workers]
Lin: Not betting?
Truman: Not for me, thanks.
Lin: Seems a little harsh, doesn’t it? It’s just people letting off steam. This job isn’t easy, however, those clowns may behave.
Truman: Does The Director…do they know about this downstairs?
Hadley: The Director doesn’t care about this stuff. As long as everything goes smoothly, upstairs. As long as the kids as they’re told…
Truman: Then it’s fixed?
Hadley: No. No. No.
Truman: Well, how can you wager on this, when you control the outcome?
Hadley: Well, we just get ’em in the cellar. They take it from there.
Sitterson: No, they have to make the choice of their own free will. Otherwise the system doesn’t work. Just like the Harbinger. He’s this creepy old fuck, practically wears a sign saying ‘You will die’. Why do we put him there? The system. They have to choose to ignore him and they have to choose what happens in the cellar. Yeah, we rig the game as much as we need to, but in the end, it’ll transgress.
Hadley: They can’t be punished. So what’s it gonna be, Truman? You in? Window’s closing.
Truman: I’m fine.
Hadley: Okay. That’s it gang! The board is locked!
Sitterson: Oh, let’s get this party started!
[they start partying as the kids in the cabin start partying]
[as they start drinking and playing truth and dare]
Marty: Okay, my turn! Jules!
Marty: Truth or dare?
Jules: Let’s go dare.
Marty: I dare you, to make out with…
Curt: Please say Dana. Please say Dana. Please say Dana.
Marty: That moose, over there.
[the others look over and see that it’s a creepy looking wolf’s head]
Dana: Um, Marty? Have you ever seen a moose before?
Marty: Whatever that mysterious beast is?
[the others laugh as Marty tries to identify the wolf head]
Curt: It’s a wolf.
Holden: That’s clearly a wolf.
Marty: Jules, I dare you to make out with that wolf.
Jules: No problem.
[she walks off seductively towards the wolf head and starts play acting with the wolf]
Jules: Who? Me? Why yes, I am new in town. How did you know? Oh, my God! That is so sweet of you to say. I just colored it in fact. No, no, no. There’s no need to huff and puff. I’ll let you come in.
[she starts kissing the wolf in a very convincing manner as they others watch in shock]
[after doing her dare, it’s now Jules’ turn to choose someone else for truth or dare]
Dana: What’s that supposed to mean?
Curt: Well, I’m just skippin’ ahead. You’re gonna say dare, she’s gonna dare you to do something you don’t want like and then you’ll puss out and say that you wanted truth all along.
Dana: Really? Okay, Jules, dare.
[suddenly they hear a loud crashing noise and look back to find the cellar door has shot open]
Jules: What the hell was that?
Dana: Cellar door.
Curt: The wind must have blown it open.
[they all walk closer to the cellar]
Marty: Uh…that makes what kind of sense?
Holden: What do you think down there?
Jules: Why don’t we find out?
[Jules looks at Dana]
Jules: Dana, I dare you.
[after Dana goes down the creepy cellar, she sees something in the dark and screams]
Holden: Dana? You okay?
[the others come down the cellar to check on her]
Dana: Yeah. Sorry, I just scared myself.
Curt: When you call for help it doubles the dare. Take your top off.
[Dana gives him a look]
Curt: What? I didn’t make up the rules.
[as they look round the cellar they notice creepy dolls and occult objects]
Holden: Oh, my God!
Dana: Look at all this?
Marty: Uh…guys? I’m not sure it’s awesome to be down here. Guys?
Holden: Dude, seriously. Your cousin is into some weird shit.
Curt: Well, I’m pretty sure this ain’t his. Maybe it’s the people who put in the mirror thing.
Jules: Some of this stuff looks really old. It’s beautiful.
Marty: Maybe we should go back upstairs. I dare you all to go upstairs?
[they all ignore him and continue looking around the cellar at all the weird objects]
[as they are checking out the cellar, Dana finds an old looking journal]
Dana: Guys? Guys, listen to this. ‘April 4th, father was cross with me and said I lacked the true faith. I wish I could prove my devotion as Judah and Matthew proved on those travelers.
Jules: What is that?
[reading the front of the journal]
‘ Dana: ‘Diary of Anna Patience Buckner, 1903.’
[Dana continues reading from the journal]
Dana: ‘Mama screamed most of the night. I prayed that she might find faith, but she only stopped when Papa cut her belly and stuffed the coals in. Judah told me in my dream that Matthew took him to the black room, so I know he’s killed. I want to understand the glory of the pain like Matthew, but cutting the flesh makes him have a husbands bulge and I do not get like that.’
Marty: Jesus! Can we not…
Curt: Go on.
Curt: I wanna know.
[Dana continues reading from the journal]
Dana: ‘I have found it. In the oldest books, the way of saving our family. My good arm is hacked up and ate, so I hope this will be readable. That a believer will come and speak this to our spirits, then we will be restored and great pain will return.’ And then…then there’s something in Latin.
Marty: Okay, I’m drawing a line in the fucking sand here. Do not read the Latin!
[suddenly Marty hears a woman whisper]
Whispering Voice: Read it! Read it out loud!
Marty: No! No! No!
[Marty tries to grab the journal from Dana but Curt pushes him away]
Curt: Stop being a fucking baby!
Curt: It’s a diary!
Dana: It doesn’t even mean anything.
[Dana read the Latin words out loud]
Dana: ‘Delor supervivo caro. Delor suplemus caro. Dolor ignio animus.’
[as Dana reads out the Latin words suddenly we see the Buckner family back to life in the woods]
[back in the underground facility we see the scientists have all gathered and are watching as the Buckner family come to life]
Sitterson: We have a winner! It’s the Buckners, ladies and gentlemen! The Buckners fooled all of you!
[we now realize they had a pool running to see which monster would get picked, Sitterson walks over to a giant board where the monster choices are written]
Sitterson: Alright, that means that, congratulations go to Maintenance!
[the maintenance staff all clap and cheer]
Sitterson: Who share the pot with Ronald the Intern.
Labcoat Girl: That’s not fair, I had zombies too.
Sitterson: Yes, you did. Yes, you had zombies. But this is ‘Zombies Redneck Torture Family’.
[pointing to her monster choice on the giant board]
Sitterson: See. They’re entirely separate species. It’s like the difference between the elephant and the elephant seal.
[the labcoat girl looks disappointed and walks off]
Sitterson: There’s always next year.
[as they watch the monitors showing the Buckner family zombies in the woods]
Truman: They’re like something from a nightmare.
Lin: No, they’re something nightmares are from. Everything in our stable is from another world. Courtesy of, you know who.
Truman: Monsters, magic, Gods.
Lin: You get used to it.
Truman: Should you?
[after Hadley loses the monster bet]
Sitterson: Oh, man, I’m sorry.
Hadley: He had the conch in his hands!
Sitterson: I know. I know. Couple more minutes, who knows what would have happened.
Hadley: I am never gonna see a merman, ever.
Sitterson: Dude, be thankful. Those things are terrifying. And the clean-up on them is a nightmare.
Hadley: So, the Buckners.
Sitterson: Well, they may be zombified, pain worshiping, backwards idiots.
Hadley: But they’re our zombified, pain worshiping, backwards idiots.
Sitterson: With a hundred percent clearance rate.
Hadley: True. So should we call? Japan? Tell ’em to take the rest of the weekend off?
Sitterson: Yeah, right. They’re Japanese. What are they gonna do, relax?
Hadley: I just like to see them fall on their asses for once.
Sitterson: Oh, God! Don’t even joke. Never give the other branches the ball. We need the Japanese crew to get it done. There’s too much riding on this.
[as they walk off we see there are several monitors in the background showing the teams from other countries running similar operations with monsters being released to kill a chosen set of kids]
[as they watch Jules does a sexy dance for them]
Curt: Fuck! Yeah, baby!
Marty: So classy.
Curt: Come on! Like you wouldn’t want a piece of that.
Marty: Can we not talk about people in pieces anymore tonight.
Jules: Oh, are you feeling lonely, Marty?
[Jules comes closer to Marty]
Jules: Marty and I were sweeties in our freshman hall.
Marty: We made out once. I never did buy that ring.
Jules: But we’re still…close.
[she starts doing a sexy dance in front of him]
Marty: I have a theory about all of this.
Curt: That’s time to bale. Tom Chung here has a theory.
[he goes over to Jules]
Curt: Come on, baby!
[turns to Marty]
Curt: Go on. You can uh…you can tell it to egghead here, if he’s not too busy, de-virginizing Dana.
[Curt takes Jules’ hand and opens the cabin door]
Dana: Jules, do you wanna go lie down?
Curt: That’s exactly the point!
Curt: Rush! Rush!
Jules: Don’t push me around.
[after Curt and Jules have left the cabin]
Marty: Do you seriously believe nothing weird is going on?
Dana: What do you mean?
Marty: The way everybody is acting. Why is Jules suddenly a celebutante? And since when does Curt pull this alpha male bullshit? I mean, he’s a sociology major, he’s on full academic scholarship and now he’s calling his friend an egghead?
Dana: Curt’s just drunk.
Marty: I’ve seen Curt drunk, Jules too.
Dana: Well, then maybe it’s something else.
Marty: You’re not seeing what you don’t wanna see. Puppeteers.
Marty: Pop-Tarts. Did you say you have Pop-Tarts?
Dana: Marty, I love you, you’re really high.
[Dana turns and walks off and Marty whispers to himself]
Marty: We are not who we are.
[he pauses for a moment]
Marty: I’m gonna go read a book with pictures.
[Holden reads for the journal Dana had read from earlier]
Holden: The pain out lives the flesh. The flesh returns…at the meeting place.
Dana: What is that?
Holden: The Latin that you uh…read in the basement.
Dana: You speak Latin?
Holden: Not well, not since tenth grade. Weird how it all comes back.
Dana: Well, it’s a weird kind of night. I’m sorry about tonight. Everybody…
Holden: Do I lose points if I tell you I’m having a pretty nice time?
Dana: No, you can tell me that.
[Curt and Jules are playing around in the woods near the cabin]
Curt: What are you running away for?
[Curt catches Jules]
Jules: Don’t spill on me!
Curt: You got a little beer on your shirt?
[he throws his beer glass away]
Curt: I guess it’ll have to come off.
[he tries to kiss Jules]
Jules: Not here.
Curt: Baby, come on! We’re all alone.
[he starts unbuttoning Jules’ shirt and we see the scientists back at their facility all watching the monitor, captivated by Curt and Jules]
Jules: I’m chilly.
[as Jules stops Curt from taking her shirt off all the scientists groan out loud]
[to the scientists gathered at the monitor to watch Curt and Jules have sex]
Hadley: Okay, guys! That’s it! Let’s go, we got a job to do! You’re basic human needs disgust me, get out of here.
[Hadley turns to Sitterson]
Hadley: Do we have temperature control in this sector?
Sitterson: On it.
[Sitterson increases the temperature in the woods]
Hadley: Engaging pheromone mists.
[as Sitterson and Hadley have increased the temperature and pheromones in the woods, Curt and Jules stop and start kissing]
Jules: It’s so dark. Let’s go inside.
Curt: Come on, this is why we came here. It’s romantic.
[as Curt and Jules lie down on the ground and start making out, Hadley and Sitterson are watching them on their monitor]
Hadley: Okay, baby. Let’s see some boobies.
Sitterson: Show us the goods.
Truman: Does it really matter if we see her…
Hadley: We’re not the only ones watching, kid.
Sitterson: Gotta keep the customers satisfied. You understand what’s at stake here?
[they keep on watching the monitor as Curt and Jules start making out and Jules finally takes her top off]
[just as Curt and Jules are about to have sex suddenly the Buckner zombies attack them and Jules is tortured and decapitated]
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