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Starring: Idris Elba, Jennifer Hudson, James Corden, Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, Taylor Swift, Rebel Wilson, Jason Derulo, Francesca Hayward
OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆
Musical fantasy, based on the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical of the same name, directed by Tom Hooper. Set over the course of a single night, Cats (2019) follows a tribe of cats called the Jellicles who must decide which cat will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new life.
Macavity: Going to the ball? I wouldn’t if I were you. It could get dangerous. You know, they say Macavity will win this year.
Macavity: There’s no one like Macavity. A wonderful magician.
Cassandra: [to Victoria] So, what’s your name?
Rumpleteazer: Cat got your tongue?
Victoria: The Heaviside Layer?
Munkustrap: Far, far up in the sky, from where the most deserving cat will be reborn into another life. So they can be who they’ve always dreamed of being.
Victoria: How will they be chosen?
Munkustrap: By singing the song of themselves, of course. Who they are and what they do.
Jennyanydots: And now for the icing on the cake!
Victoria: [to Munkustrap] Why does she want another Jellicle life?
Jennyanydots: I can’t keep being in this kitchen!
Rum Tum Tugger: It’s a little old fashioned, don’t you think? With the cockroaches dancing, and the mice singing. Well, actually, the mice were really good. But it’s all a bit old school.
Jennyanydots: Get out!
Rum Tum Tugger: I’m just trying to offer you some feedback here. Well, actually, I just thought I’d have a feed at the back.
Jennyanydots: Get out of this kitchen now!
Rum Tum Tugger: Let’s dance!
Jennyanydots: [to Munkustrap, referring to Rum Tum Tugger] Do you think he just got neutered? Because those notes are like high.
Jennyanydots: [to Rum Tum Tugger as he sings to Victoria] Stop milking it!
Bustopher Jones: Good evening, all.
Jennyanydots: Oh, no. Look what the cat dragged in.
Bustopher Jones: Oh, my. You look absolutely starving. You can’t attend the ball on an empty stomach.
Victoria: So you’re hoping to be chosen?
Jennyanydots: Yeah, he wants to be reborn as a thin cat so he can get fat all over again. But he’s going to lose.
Bustopher Jones: How dare you!
Macavity: Are you, by any chance, Jennyanydots?
Macavity: You know, your work should be on the world stage.
Macavity: And that face should be on a poster.
Bustopher Jones: [as Maitre D’ jumps on the board, but he’s not heavy enough] Right, well, that’s not going to work, is it? Okay? Look at you and look at me, and you know know, you know that I’m sensitive about my size. Okay? And yet you embarrass me. You…
Bustopher Jones: [hisses and sticks out his paw] That’s what I say to you. Okay? Now, listen, you’ll never get me up there on your own. So let’s gather up a few more of the cats, and we’ll try again, shall we?
Macavity: [referring to Bustopher] Puss in Spats! I love it.
Bustopher Jones: [to Jennyanydots, referring to Macavity] He’s called me that twice now, “Puss in Spats”. Like it’s sort of a joke. I rather like it, so the joke’s on him.
Bustopher Jones: [to Growltiger] Right. No, see, that doesn’t rhyme. You can’t just say “Taymes” because it rhymes with “aims”. It’s the River Thames.
Rum Tum Tugger: [to Deuteronomy] It’s party time! With your permission, of course.
Victoria: [singing] All that I wanted was to be wanted.
Old Deuteronomy: Are you alright, my dear? We haven’t met before, have we?
Victoria: No. I’m not from around here. I was abandoned.
Old Deuteronomy: Oh, poor thing. Would you like to see me make the Jellicle choice?
Victoria: Am I allowed?
Old Deuteronomy: Why wouldn’t you be allowed?
Victoria: I’m not a Jellicle.
Old Deuteronomy: Not yet perhaps. Come, we’re about to begin.
Gus The Theatre Cat: What’s your name?
Mr. Mistoffelees: Mr. Mistoffelees. I’m a Magic Cat, you see.
Mr. Mistoffelees: Do you ever get nervous?
Gus The Theatre Cat: No, no. It’s all practice, practice, practice. Then nothing can go wrong. Touch wood.
Macavity: The time has come to make the Jellicle choice. Old Deuteronomy, if you would. As I am the only contestant left. And quite obviously the best. And so.
Old Deuteronomy: Never. I choose the cat that deserves a new life. I judge a cat by its soul.
Bombalurina: He’s got soul.
Macavity: I’ve got plenty of soul.
Old Deuteronomy: You’re a cheat, Macavity!
Mr. Mistoffelees: [to himself] Cross paws.
Munkustrap: Can we get a spotlight?
Mr. Mistoffelees: Please don’t make me do this.
Munkustrap: And a drumroll, please.
Jennyanydots: [referring to herself] Don’t mess with the crazy cat lady.
Old Deuteronomy: [to Victoria] I believe you truly are a Jellicle cat. A dear little cat.