Copyright Notice: It’s easy to see when our selected quotes have been copied and pasted, as you’re also copying our format, mistakes, and movie scene descriptions. If you decide to copy from us please be kind and either link back, or refer back to our site. Please check out our copyright policies here. Thanks!
Starring: Cooper Raiff, Dakota Johnson, Brad Garrett, Leslie Mann, Vanessa Burghardt, Evan Assante, Raúl Castillo, Odeya Rush, Kelly O’Sullivan
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Apple TV+ comedy drama written and directed by Cooper Raiff. Cha Cha Real Smooth (2022) follows Andrew (Cooper Raiff), who is fresh out of college, without a clear life path, and is stuck back at home with his family in New Jersey working as a Bar Mitzvah party host. But when Andrew befriends a local mom, Domino (Dakota Johnson), and her daughter, Lola (Vanessa Burghardt), he finally discovers a future he wants, even if it might not be his own.
Our Favorite Quotes:'Giving your heart to somebody is the scariest, most dangerous, most perplexing thing.' - Domino (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew (12): Do you think I will ever see you again? Like, maybe for a date? I know I’m young, but maybe we can like, I mean, maybe we can just, like… Sorry, I’m really nervous.
Bella: Well, this is the most flattered I’ve ever felt. But I’m old.
Andrew: Do you have a crush on Phoebe?
Andrew: If she looks anything like Macy, you’re a f***ing liar.
Stepdad Greg: Language, buddy.
David: It’s fine, Greg.
Andrew’s Mom: He doesn’t have crushes. He has a girlfriend.
Andrew: Shut the hell up. You have a girlfriend? Girlfriend and puberty? Puberty and a girlfriend?
Andrew: Greg, I feel like your purpose on Earth is to make things weird.
Stepdad Greg: Do you?
Macy: [to Andrew, referring to Cathy] She loves every mom, really. Except for this one crazy one that used to sub at Newark, and apparently she f***ed Mr. Charlebois in the cafeteria bathroom.
David: Mr. Charlebois, our principal?
Macy: I forgot you were here. F***. I keep forgetting I’m around children.
Andrew: [referring to the music] Starting off strong with the innocuous game theme.
Macy: You know, it was actually going to be “Under the Sea with Pheeb”, but she had to call a last-minute audible because her b**ch friend, Gigi Rothman, is obsessed with “Little Mermaid”, and she forced her to change it.
Macy: What a b**ch.
Macy: You have a job now, or…
Andrew: We’re not allowed to talk about jobs at the bat mitzvah party actually.
Macy: Okay. So you either don’t have a job, or you have a bad job.
Andrew: I have a bad job, yeah.
Macy: Yeah. Same.
Macy: [referring to Domino and Lola] That’s the crazy mom I was talking about.
Andrew: I am looking at a high schooler with her stunning French au pair.
Macy: That’s a mom and her kid.
Macy: [referring to Lola] I think she’s like autistic or something, so her mom had her start school late.
Andrew: Jesus. Terrible for both of them.
Macy: Cath thinks she smokes crack.
Andrew: The autistic girl?
'Sometimes just is easier for people to be sad.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew: Sometimes I think I’m autistic.
Domino: You do?
Andrew: Well, no. That wasn’t real.
Domino: It happened.
Andrew: I’m really sorry.
Domino: I’m going to remember it.
Cathy: [referring to Andrew] He’s adorable. He’s even making me not hate Hoochie Slut.
Mrs. Ray: Cathy, that is not even close to appropriate.
Cathy: She f***ed my husband. I can say whatever I want.
Mrs. Ray: She did not f*** Todd. Why would she f*** Todd?
David: [referring to the party] I feel like it wouldn’t have been as much fun if you weren’t there.
Andrew: I mean, that’s entirely true. But when I’m not there, just don’t be shy.
David: Why do you think I’m gay?
Andrew: I just think you shouldn’t say for certain who you are until like junior year of college.
David: What happens junior year?
Andrew: Lots of things.
Andrew: I’m staying in New Jersey for a while, so I will definitely bring David to another bar mitzvah.
Mrs. Ray: Well, I am happy to hear that, because what’s happening right now is, you’re being swarmed by Jewish mothers who are recruiting you to be their motivational dancer.
Stepdad Greg: How much does a party starter get paid, I wonder?
Andrew: I think they said, “Just under what an unhappy pharmaceutical exec makes.”
Stepdad Greg: What the hell does that mean?
Andrew’s Mom: Honey, that’s not funny.
Domino: Are you thinking about Andrew?
Lola: No. I’m thinking about feeding Jerry cauliflower and cucumber tomorrow.
Domino: Do you think he would be a good sitter for you?
Lola: Well, I do not do well with sitters. But I think it might be a bit different with Andrew.
Lola: I like him. And I think he would like Jerry. Also, I do not think he would treat me like a baby.
David: What I was going to say is, Greg’s a d**k. But I put up with it because he and Mom are good for each other.
Andrew’s Mom: Thanks, honey.
Andrew: Literally how? Are you happy? Does he make you happy?
Andrew’s Mom: I’m happy here, okay? I don’t have to worry about so many things because of Greg. And I don’t expect you to understand that yet.
Andrew’s Mom: What’s your business going to be called? Hey. Tell me.
Andrew: You’re really going to love it. David came up with it.
Andrew’s Mom: What?
David: Jig Conductor.
David: If anybody knows how to start a party, it’s my brother, Andrew. Or should I say, the Jig Conductor?
'I think on the Earth we all have like a ton of soul mates.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew’s Mom: [referring to the video ad for Jig Conductor] You have to finish it.
Andrew: F*** no, Mom. If anybody sees that, I’m going to get put on a watch list.
Andrew’s Mom: It’s cute! David is so cute.
Andrew: What are you talking about? Did you just watch what I watched? The camera hates him. He’s stiff as a board.
Andrew’s Mom: So what, he’s a little stiff? It’s fine. It’s so cute. It’s so good.
Andrew’s Mom: [to Andrew] As long as you’re doing what you want to do, then I’m perfectly happy. I just want to make sure that you’re doing what you want to do. You can’t just go with everything.
Andrew: [at the party] Alright, everybody. Next song was requested by Rabbi Steinberg. It’s called WAP. I’m just kidding, Rabbi Steinberg. That was a joke.
Andrew: Do you want to tell me what that mean little b**ch kid said to you?
Lola: That I do not belong in his grade.
Andrew: Are you okay? Did that make you mad?
Lola: I just wanted to walk away.
Andrew: Well, that’s really awesome of you, because I almost kicked his a** and got thrown in jail.
Domino: Andrew, I need you to help me get to my car, because I don’t want the parents to think I Kill Bill-ed somebody in the bathroom.
Andrew: Yeah, it does look like that.
Domino: I want to get out of this f***ing T-shirt.
Andrew: I like your shirt.
Domino: Then why don’t you marry it?
Andrew: Do you collect potato mashers?
Lola: Yes, I do.
Andrew: That’s really awesome.
Lola: Why are you here?
Andrew: Ouch. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
Andrew: Well, Lola, that was kind of brutal.
Lola: I did not mean to be brutal.
Andrew: I’m just teasing.
Domino: I feel very comfortable with you. I don’t know why, but I do.
Andrew: Why wouldn’t you feel comfortable?
'You have to pay attention to yourself too. It's not easy. It's actually really hard. Because you got to go for what you want too.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew: I really like your couch.
Domino: I hate it.
Andrew: Me too. That’s what I meant to say.
Andrew: Are you going to be okay tonight?
Domino: Yep. It wasn’t a period.
Andrew: I’m so sorry. That’s what I was thinking. Did Joseph know that you were pregnant?
Domino: Let’s not tell anybody about this.
Andrew: Okay. Well, if you ever want anyone to talk to, I’ve got massive ears.
Andrew: [as he sees the photo of Maya and a guy on her social media] Who are you, Mr. F***er? What the hell are you doing with my lover, f***er?
Andrew: I can’t believe college is over.
Macy: I can’t believe we just had sex.
Macy: I don’t know, I’m just, I feel old. Like I had algebra with you.
Andrew: And bio with Dr. Mindle.
Macy: Did you have a crush on me?
Andrew: Everybody had a crush on you.
Macy: Yeah. But did you?
Andrew: I mean, I was attracted to you. But I feel like, I think I felt like you had so many people, a lot of suitors.
'The things that really scare you are the things that are going to help you the most.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Macy: I wasn’t attracted to you.
Andrew: So I actually didn’t ask that. But I appreciate the honesty.
Macy: I was attracted to you at my sister’s bat mitzvah.
Andrew: And now you’re not?
Macy: Now I’m thinking about algebra.
Andrew: And bio with Dr. Mindle.
Macy: Do you think I peaked already?
Andrew: No. Of course not.
Macy: I just really hate my job. If only I could quit my job and be a party starter.
Andrew: And a Meat Sticks worker.
Andrew: Do you think I should quit party-starting?
Macy: Well, on one hand, it is silly.
Andrew: It’s really silly.
Macy: But on the other hand, so is every job. Like selling your time is insane.
Andrew: It’s really depressing.
Macy: I do think you’re a sexy dancer.
Andrew: No. Come on. Do you want to have sex again?
Macy: Not at all.
[they both laugh]
Andrew: Alright. Lesson one, forty percent of it is instinct. Like, if it feels right, it probably is right. Go with your gut. And then, ten percent is your brain, and all that stuff. Like game plan, strategy. And then, fifty percent is Margaret. You don’t know anything about her. You don’t know what she wants, or what she likes. So, you have to talk to her. Try super hard to know.
David: Are there any more lessons?
Andrew: Yes, there are. There are five, four lessons on how to have the best first smooch.
David: How did the interview go?
Andrew: I am going to lean back into the Meat Sticks, party-starting grind.
David: Can you tell me the second lesson?
Andrew: The second lesson is, give her all of your attention because that’s all people want.
David: That’s pretty easy.
Joseph: [after he meets Andrew] I hear you’re a great party starter.
Andrew: Well, I hear you’re a great professional lawyer.
Andrew: [referring to scrabble] I don’t understand how you’re so good at this game.
Lola: I’m not that good. I’m just a lot better than you.
Domino: [referring to her tongue after eating an ice pop] Is mine blue?
Andrew: Yeah, it’s super blue. How did that happen?
Domino: Just normal.
Domino: I’m having more fun now than I did the whole night.
Andrew: Did you have a bad night?
Domino: No, it wasn’t bad. Yeah, it was bad.
Andrew: What’s it like being depressed?
Domino: I don’t know. It feels like you don’t remember what better feels like. And then you do things that you think will make you feel better, but they don’t. They make it worse. And the things that I’m really scared of doing are probably the things that will help me the most, but I just can’t do them.
Andrew: My mom is bipolar, so she was really depressed a lot when I was a kid. And I, one time, asked her the same question, and she said it sometimes just is easier for people to be sad. She tries though. Like really tries.
Domino: Everybody tries.
Domino: Do you know what you look like right now?
Domino: You look like the sweetest person ever.
Andrew: Do you know what you look like right now?
Domino: I don’t want to know, and I don’t care. I don’t want to know. Everything feels so good right now. I don’t want it to change.
Andrew’s Mom: Your memories aren’t going anywhere, by the way. I’m sorry. Growing up is hard.
Andrew: It’s very overwhelming. I don’t know how much I have left. I have so much, right?
Andrew’s Mom: No. You know, not necessarily. You did a lot when you were young. Sorry. But I feel like you’re way ahead of the game.
Andrew: Do you like spending time with me like this? I feel like it’s taking a lot out of you. But I want you to know that I can just sit here, and like not talk. I can chill. I can be a chiller. I feel like I’m talking a lot.
Lola: Sometimes it drains me a bit mentally and physically when I spend a lot of time mingling.
Andrew: Okay, yeah. I’m sorry that I’m draining. How can I not be? How can I help that?
Lola: You’re probably not going to be able to.
Lola: Sometimes I just need to recover in solitude. I actually enjoy being in an empty room.
Andrew: Well, I’m very jealous of that.
Lola: Why are you jealous?
Andrew: Because I wish I enjoyed the company of an empty room.
Lola: Have you ever tried to enjoy it?
Andrew: “Have you ever tried to enjoy it?” No.
Joseph: How old are you?
Andrew: I’m twenty-two.
Joseph: I don’t even remember being twenty-two.
Andrew: I didn’t realize you were that old.
Joseph: Lots to figure out after college.
Andrew: Yeah, lots to figure out always.
David: What’s the third lesson?
Andrew: Be somewhere alone with her, quiet. Other people around is bad news.
Andrew: [referring to Joseph] Why is he your fiancé?
Domino: Why is he my fiancé?
Andrew: Yeah, what’s going on there? In terms of like why he’s your fiancé.
Domino: You’re drunk.
Andrew: I want to hear why you’re getting married.
Domino: Because I want commitment.
Andrew: It doesn’t seem like that.
Domino: I know. But I want to be firmly planted in adult world, and I want everything else to be shut down. And I want to build something.
Andrew: Is he your soul mate?
Domino: Do you believe in soul mates?
Andrew: Yeah, I do. I think on the Earth we all have like a ton of soul mates. I think for you maybe it’s like a special case where you only have a few, who like could be, and really are your soul mates. But most of the people in the world aren’t your soul mate.
Domino: How many soul mates?
Andrew: For you, like four.
Andrew: Yeah, four soul mates.
Domino: I probably haven’t met any of them.
Andrew: No, you have. God puts them like on your path, so you’ll cross.
Domino: How many do you have?
Andrew: Like twelve hundred.
Domino: I want to thank you for being so kind to Lola.
Andrew: Easiest thing in the world.
Domino: I want you to be in Lola’s life. But I don’t want you to babysit for us anymore.
Domino: Because I want you to do your twenties.
Andrew: I feel like there are things that you just like don’t say to me, and I can’t tell whether you’re like holding back a desire to be close, or a desire to be distant. For me, it’s holding back a desire to be close.
[Domino then kisses him]
Andrew: I don’t have any lessons. I don’t know s**t.
David: I guess I don’t know why I thought you know s**t. You don’t even have a girlfriend.
Andrew: You want to get your a** kicked right now? Is that why you said that? That’s not funny.
David: I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not the only one who can be mean.
Andrew: You’re not mean, David. You’re just really f***ing annoying.
Andrew: [to the bartender, after being let go from babysitting Lola] Could you do me a solid? Could you pour me like a straight water? And by water, I mean vodka.
Andrew: I feel like all that Uber money might be worth it to not smell that fish in your car.
Stepdad Greg: What fish?
Andrew: I have no idea. I assumed you had many fish in your car.
Stepdad Greg: Did you put fish in my car?
Andrew: No, man. Your car just reeks.
Stepdad Greg: Alright, Andrew, have a nice night making certain people feel happy.
Andrew: Have a nice night hating your life.
Stepdad Greg: Are you drunk right now, son?
Andrew: I am. Yes. Sir, yes, sir.
Stepdad Greg: Andrew, there are boundaries that come with a professional gig. Every profession has those boundaries.
Andrew: Okay, but the way you put that man to sleep, stepdad Greg.
Andrew’s Mom: Andrew, this isn’t funny.
Rodrigo: And, Greg, that was the meanest right hook I’ve ever seen, my boy.
Andrew: Yeah, Greg, I did not know you could move like that. What are you, Jake Paul?
Andrew: [as Rodrigo laughs] I knew you would like that, home dog. He literally fell asleep.
Stepdad Greg: Well, no one hits your mother.
Andrew: Did you have your first kiss tonight?
Andrew: You didn’t? That’s good. That’s actually really, really good, because I realized something. My lessons sucked. They were like super misleading. I kept telling you that it was all about Margaret, and about like giving her all your attention. But I forgot to say that you have to pay attention to yourself too. It’s not easy, like we were saying. It’s actually really hard. Because you got to go for what you want too. Kissing is for two people to enjoy.
Andrew: I feel like you don’t want to get married, so I don’t think that you should. And I love you.
Domino: You don’t love me.
Andrew: Yeah, I do. And more than anything, I just want you to be happy.
Domino: I am happy.
Domino: When I’m with you, I feel so alive. And I feel so special. But that’s because it’s all possibility. We’re not in a relationship.
Andrew: But what if we were in a relationship?
Domino: I don’t know. And I don’t want to know, because you are twenty-two, and you deserve so much more than this.
Domino: You can’t just decide that you love somebody, and then that’s that, and everything’s great.
Andrew: Yes, you can.
Domino: No, you can’t.
Andrew: Yes, you can. You can.
Domino: You don’t even know who you are yet. Giving your heart to somebody is the scariest, most dangerous, most perplexing thing.
Domino: I want to marry him. I do. I really want to marry him. And I know that it doesn’t seem like that, because of what I do, but I want that. It’s just that I’m so scared. Because the first one left. He left me.
Andrew: Marrying Joseph is the thing that will help you the most.
Andrew: The other night you said that the things that really scare you are the things that are going to help you the most. I thought that you were talking about me. Because I’m an idiot.
Andrew: I’m really sorry, man. I’m a dumb kid.
Joseph: I know. It’s okay. Thanks for looking out for Lola tonight. Andrew, look at me for a second. Thanks for looking out for my family.
Andrew: Everything is just like a mess.
Andrew: And I just want you to know that, like I have this urge to tell you that I had a really great childhood. And I think you’re really a great mother. I hope you know that I think that. And I also really love your new house. And I’m really happy that you’re happy.
Andrew’s Mom: Are you trying to kill me?
Domino: [to Andrew] It is really hard for me to accept the fact that until I leave Earth, I’m going to have always been so tangled. She came when I was so young, and then, everything from there was defined by her stages. And then, Joseph came along, and I’m so thankful, but for the rest of my life, everything is going to be defined by them. But you, you only have you. And how scary, but how amazing. You can just figure things out, and you don’t have to worry about bringing another person into it.
Andrew: Well, dang. This sucks.
Domino: What does?
Andrew: You just gave me like your farewell speech, so this means we’re saying goodbye.
Domino: Gosh, you’re really sweet.
Andrew: No, I’m not. I just really love you guys. But my memories aren’t going anywhere.
Domino: Neither will mine. And neither will hers.
Andrew: [to Domino] By the way, I do think I’m a soul mate. But I know that Joseph is too.
David: [after Domino leaves] Do you want to talk about it?
Andrew: No, not right now. Maybe later. Thank you for asking.
David: Well, I’ll probably end up doing homework at the dining room table, so whenever you’re ready.
Andrew: David, I want to be friends forever, okay?
Andrew: Why do you look upset? What’s going on?
David: I think I’m a little heartbroken too.
Andrew: What? Margaret?
David: No. I’m going to miss you.
Andrew: [as he hugs David] Oh. I’m going to miss you too, man.
[after which we see Domino getting married to Joseph, and Andrew moving on with his life]