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Starring: Cooper Raiff, Dakota Johnson, Brad Garrett, Leslie Mann, Vanessa Burghardt, Evan Assante, Raúl Castillo, Odeya Rush, Kelly O’Sullivan
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Apple TV+ comedy drama written and directed by Cooper Raiff. Cha Cha Real Smooth (2022) follows Andrew (Cooper Raiff), who is fresh out of college, without a clear life path, and is stuck back at home with his family in New Jersey working as a Bar Mitzvah party host. But when Andrew befriends a local mom, Domino (Dakota Johnson), and her daughter, Lola (Vanessa Burghardt), he finally discovers a future he wants, even if it might not be his own.
Our Favorite Quotes:'Giving your heart to somebody is the scariest, most dangerous, most perplexing thing.' - Domino (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew (12): Do you think I will ever see you again? Like, maybe for a date? I know I’m young, but maybe we can like, I mean, maybe we can just, like… Sorry, I’m really nervous.
Bella: Well, this is the most flattered I’ve ever felt. But I’m old.
Andrew: Do you have a crush on Phoebe?
Andrew: If she looks anything like Macy, you’re a f***ing liar.
Stepdad Greg: Language, buddy.
David: It’s fine, Greg.
Andrew’s Mom: He doesn’t have crushes. He has a girlfriend.
Andrew: Shut the hell up. You have a girlfriend? Girlfriend and puberty? Puberty and a girlfriend?
Andrew: Greg, I feel like your purpose on Earth is to make things weird.
Stepdad Greg: Do you?
Macy: [to Andrew, referring to Cathy] She loves every mom, really. Except for this one crazy one that used to sub at Newark, and apparently she f***ed Mr. Charlebois in the cafeteria bathroom.
David: Mr. Charlebois, our principal?
Macy: I forgot you were here. F***. I keep forgetting I’m around children.
Andrew: [referring to the music] Starting off strong with the innocuous game theme.
Macy: You know, it was actually going to be “Under the Sea with Pheeb”, but she had to call a last-minute audible because her b**ch friend, Gigi Rothman, is obsessed with “Little Mermaid”, and she forced her to change it.
Macy: What a b**ch.
Macy: You have a job now, or…
Andrew: We’re not allowed to talk about jobs at the bat mitzvah party actually.
Macy: Okay. So you either don’t have a job, or you have a bad job.
Andrew: I have a bad job, yeah.
Macy: Yeah. Same.
Macy: [referring to Domino and Lola] That’s the crazy mom I was talking about.
Andrew: I am looking at a high schooler with her stunning French au pair.
Macy: That’s a mom and her kid.
Macy: [referring to Lola] I think she’s like autistic or something, so her mom had her start school late.
Andrew: Jesus. Terrible for both of them.
Macy: Cath thinks she smokes crack.
Andrew: The autistic girl?
'Sometimes just is easier for people to be sad.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew: Sometimes I think I’m autistic.
Domino: You do?
Andrew: Well, no. That wasn’t real.
Domino: It happened.
Andrew: I’m really sorry.
Domino: I’m going to remember it.
Cathy: [referring to Andrew] He’s adorable. He’s even making me not hate Hoochie Slut.
Mrs. Ray: Cathy, that is not even close to appropriate.
Cathy: She f***ed my husband. I can say whatever I want.
Mrs. Ray: She did not f*** Todd. Why would she f*** Todd?
David: [referring to the party] I feel like it wouldn’t have been as much fun if you weren’t there.
Andrew: I mean, that’s entirely true. But when I’m not there, just don’t be shy.
David: Why do you think I’m gay?
Andrew: I just think you shouldn’t say for certain who you are until like junior year of college.
David: What happens junior year?
Andrew: Lots of things.
Andrew: I’m staying in New Jersey for a while, so I will definitely bring David to another bar mitzvah.
Mrs. Ray: Well, I am happy to hear that, because what’s happening right now is, you’re being swarmed by Jewish mothers who are recruiting you to be their motivational dancer.
Stepdad Greg: How much does a party starter get paid, I wonder?
Andrew: I think they said, “Just under what an unhappy pharmaceutical exec makes.”
Stepdad Greg: What the hell does that mean?
Andrew’s Mom: Honey, that’s not funny.
Domino: Are you thinking about Andrew?
Lola: No. I’m thinking about feeding Jerry cauliflower and cucumber tomorrow.
Domino: Do you think he would be a good sitter for you?
Lola: Well, I do not do well with sitters. But I think it might be a bit different with Andrew.
Lola: I like him. And I think he would like Jerry. Also, I do not think he would treat me like a baby.
David: What I was going to say is, Greg’s a d**k. But I put up with it because he and Mom are good for each other.
Andrew’s Mom: Thanks, honey.
Andrew: Literally how? Are you happy? Does he make you happy?
Andrew’s Mom: I’m happy here, okay? I don’t have to worry about so many things because of Greg. And I don’t expect you to understand that yet.
Andrew’s Mom: What’s your business going to be called? Hey. Tell me.
Andrew: You’re really going to love it. David came up with it.
Andrew’s Mom: What?
David: Jig Conductor.
David: If anybody knows how to start a party, it’s my brother, Andrew. Or should I say, the Jig Conductor?
'I think on the Earth we all have like a ton of soul mates.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew’s Mom: [referring to the video ad for Jig Conductor] You have to finish it.
Andrew: F*** no, Mom. If anybody sees that, I’m going to get put on a watch list.
Andrew’s Mom: It’s cute! David is so cute.
Andrew: What are you talking about? Did you just watch what I watched? The camera hates him. He’s stiff as a board.
Andrew’s Mom: So what, he’s a little stiff? It’s fine. It’s so cute. It’s so good.
Andrew’s Mom: [to Andrew] As long as you’re doing what you want to do, then I’m perfectly happy. I just want to make sure that you’re doing what you want to do. You can’t just go with everything.
Andrew: [at the party] Alright, everybody. Next song was requested by Rabbi Steinberg. It’s called WAP. I’m just kidding, Rabbi Steinberg. That was a joke.
Andrew: Do you want to tell me what that mean little b**ch kid said to you?
Lola: That I do not belong in his grade.
Andrew: Are you okay? Did that make you mad?
Lola: I just wanted to walk away.
Andrew: Well, that’s really awesome of you, because I almost kicked his a** and got thrown in jail.
Domino: Andrew, I need you to help me get to my car, because I don’t want the parents to think I Kill Bill-ed somebody in the bathroom.
Andrew: Yeah, it does look like that.
Domino: I want to get out of this f***ing T-shirt.
Andrew: I like your shirt.
Domino: Then why don’t you marry it?
Andrew: Do you collect potato mashers?
Lola: Yes, I do.
Andrew: That’s really awesome.
Lola: Why are you here?
Andrew: Ouch. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
Andrew: Well, Lola, that was kind of brutal.
Lola: I did not mean to be brutal.
Andrew: I’m just teasing.
Domino: I feel very comfortable with you. I don’t know why, but I do.
Andrew: Why wouldn’t you feel comfortable?
'You have to pay attention to yourself too. It's not easy. It's actually really hard. Because you got to go for what you want too.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Andrew: I really like your couch.
Domino: I hate it.
Andrew: Me too. That’s what I meant to say.
Andrew: Are you going to be okay tonight?
Domino: Yep. It wasn’t a period.
Andrew: I’m so sorry. That’s what I was thinking. Did Joseph know that you were pregnant?
Domino: Let’s not tell anybody about this.
Andrew: Okay. Well, if you ever want anyone to talk to, I’ve got massive ears.
Andrew: [as he sees the photo of Maya and a guy on her social media] Who are you, Mr. F***er? What the hell are you doing with my lover, f***er?
Andrew: I can’t believe college is over.
Macy: I can’t believe we just had sex.
Macy: I don’t know, I’m just, I feel old. Like I had algebra with you.
Andrew: And bio with Dr. Mindle.
Macy: Did you have a crush on me?
Andrew: Everybody had a crush on you.
Macy: Yeah. But did you?
Andrew: I mean, I was attracted to you. But I feel like, I think I felt like you had so many people, a lot of suitors.
'The things that really scare you are the things that are going to help you the most.' - Andrew (Cha Cha Real Smooth) Click To Tweet
Macy: I wasn’t attracted to you.
Andrew: So I actually didn’t ask that. But I appreciate the honesty.
Macy: I was attracted to you at my sister’s bat mitzvah.
Andrew: And now you’re not?
Macy: Now I’m thinking about algebra.
Andrew: And bio with Dr. Mindle.
Macy: Do you think I peaked already?
Andrew: No. Of course not.
Macy: I just really hate my job. If only I could quit my job and be a party starter.
Andrew: And a Meat Sticks worker.
Andrew: Do you think I should quit party-starting?
Macy: Well, on one hand, it is silly.
Andrew: It’s really silly.
Macy: But on the other hand, so is every job. Like selling your time is insane.
Andrew: It’s really depressing.
Macy: I do think you’re a sexy dancer.
Andrew: No. Come on. Do you want to have sex again?
Macy: Not at all.
[they both laugh]