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Starring: Gabrielle Union, Zach Braff, Erika Christensen, Timon Kyle Durrett, Journee Brown, Kylie Rogers, Andre Robinson, Caylee Blosenski, Aryan Simhadri, Leo Abelo Perry, Mykal-Michelle Harris, Christian Cote, Sebastian Cote, Luke Prael
OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆
Disney+ family comedy directed by Gail Learner. Cheaper by the Dozen (2022) follows the exploits of a blended family of twelve, the Bakers, led by Zoey and Paul Baker (Gabrielle Union and Zach Braff) as they navigate a hectic home life while simultaneously managing their family business.
Our Favorite Quotes:'Sometimes, one of the most loving things you can do for someone is tell them a hard truth that they really need to hear.' - Paul Baker (Cheaper by the Dozen) Click To Tweet
Paul Baker: Welcome to our family. We’re the Bakers. We’re a big family full of big dreamers.
Zoey Baker: I’m Zoey. And this is Paul. Right now, our dream is getting everyone out of the house on time.
Paul Baker: We also have two fur babies. Bark Obama and Joe Biting.
Luca: Dryer’s broke again.
Paul Baker: How did you get down here so fast?
Luca: Laundry chute.
Paul Baker: We have a laundry chute?
Luca: Yeah. Keep up, Dad.
Ella: [referring to her Instagram] Dude, I got a new follower.
Harley: It’s probably Mom.
Ella: It is Mom.
Zoey Baker: What are you doing here? And more importantly, why did we give you a key?
Kate: Is that any way to greet the pinch hitter babysitter who’s here to save the day?
Paul Baker: And that’s why we gave her a key.
Paul Baker: Okay. Two moms, one dad, and a ragtag group of nine kids. I know what you’re thinking, and, no, we’re not a cult. But we’re definitely different.
Paul Baker: You see, we run our own family restaurant, Baker’s Breakfast. A mom and pop, and daughter, and daughter, and son, and son, and daughter breakfast spot.
Zoey Baker: [flashback to when Paul first meets Zoey at his diner] This unkind gentleman is trying to force us to have hot soup and shepherd’s pie for breakfast.
Young Deja: Why? Were we bad?
Zoey Baker: Sir, please tell my adorable children why they can’t have delicious eggs and fluffy flapjacks.
Zoey Baker: It’s amazing. I mean, you’re like the Willy Wonka of sauces. You know, minus the unpaid, exploited Oompa-Loompa workforce, of course.
Paul Baker: Clearly, you haven’t looked in the kitchen yet. This place runs on Loompa.
Zoey Baker: By the way, that whole “we stop serving breakfast at eleven” thing, that has to stop. I need to be able to eat this breakfast, with that sauce, twenty-four-seven.
Paul Baker: It’s an interesting idea. I’ll run it by the owner. Oh, wait! That’s me. I love it.
Zoey Baker: I traded four-star restaurants for twenty-four hour diners. I dusted off my marketing degree, and we became business partners.
Paul Baker: Six months after that, we turned our two families into one. And we made all our dreams come true. A big, beautiful family, a booming business, and around the clock breakfast. Even our wedding cake was made of waffles.
Paul Baker: And as hectic as our life can get, it always somehow feels just right.
Kate: What are you guys playing?
Luna: Drag race.
Kate: Oh, fun! I love RuPaul.
Luca: Before you say anything, it’s not what it seems.
Zoey Baker: So you guys weren’t having a Fast and Furious style race against Danny Chen for money?
Luna: Woh. I just realized, we’re not smarter than you.
Paul Baker: Go to your room.
Luca: But don’t you want to do our TikTok dance with us, Daddy?
Luna: Yeah, because we’re so irresistibly adorable.
Paul Baker: Don’t try and charm me with our TikTok dance. And you’re not even doing it right. You have to clap the back of the hands and then throw. You’re an embarrassment to the family. Go to your room.
Luna: We tried.
Luca: We always do.
Kate: Well, my new therapist says I have issues with being a disciplinarian.
Paul Baker: You have another new therapist?
Kate: But then, my new new therapist made me realize I missed my old new therapist, so it’s out with the new, in with the old.
Paul Baker: That makes total sense.
Kate: Yeah. I know, right?
Paul Baker: How are you? What are you doing in town?
Dom Clayton: You know, just got back. Thought I’d come by and see the kids. I hope that’s not a problem.
Kate: No. You’re handsome and famous. Come over anytime.
Dom Clayton: I don’t know if you knew or not, but, you know, big feet run in our family. And what are you? About, what, I’d say a ten?
Paul Baker: I was born with tiny toes, Dom. It’s not something I like to joke about. But since you asked, nine and three quarters.
DJ: Oh, Paul.
'I got my family, and a life that's the perfect size for all of our dreams. And at the end of the day, there is no sweeter dream than that.' - Paul Baker (Cheaper by the Dozen) Click To Tweet
Zoey Baker: Baby, I love your little feet, and I love that we can share the same shoes.
Paul Baker: We don’t share the same shoes. I wore your UGGs once.
Paul Baker: [sarcastically] Yay, Dom’s moving back. More Dom.
Zoey Baker: Paul.
Paul Baker: I know. It’ll be great with the kids. It’s just, it’s definitely going to be weird having him around.
Zoey Baker: Unlike the totally normal way that Kate’s around all the time?
Paul Baker: [referring to Dom] I think it’s sad that he feels the need to make himself feel bigger by coming in here, and like showering us all with these expensive headphones. Like, “We get it. You’re an ex-football player, with giant feet, and a Japanese toilet that washes your butt.”
Zoey Baker: Not sure how you know about that.
Paul Baker: And for the record, I am very secure in my size nine and a half Converse.
Zoey Baker: I love it when you talk sensible sneaker to me.
Nerdy Friend #2: How is it genetically possible that Dominic Clayton is your pops? I mean, no offense, dude.
DJ: Oh, no, no, no, no. Why would I be offended to you totally offending me down to the genetic level?
Dom Clayton: [at Deja’s basketball game] That’s my daughter!
Paul Baker: Yes. That’s also my daughter!
Dom Clayton: But biologically, she’s mine!
Paul Baker: Yeah, I claim her on my taxes, so.
Zoey Baker: Okay. You’re both being super ridiculous.
DJ: [referring to Paul and Dom] Mom, make them stop.
Zoey Baker: What am I going to do? I’m the idiot that married both of them.
DJ: Oh, well, thank God for that.
DJ: How did you get an F on your computer science quiz? Like, I just don’t get it.
Haresh: Why? Because all Indian people are supposed to be geniuses? Or all Black people can dance? We know that’s not true. You know what? Zoey, show these idiots what a rhythmless Black person looks like.
Paul Baker: I’m finally, finally in a position where I can give the kids something they really need. And not dumb things, like fancy headphones, and flashy sneakers. I want to give my wife a walk-in closet.
Zoey Baker: Thank you. I appreciate that. But your wife already had a walk-in closet that she walked away from. What I’m hearing is that you want a walk-in closet.
Paul Baker: I really do.
Zoey Baker: I see that.
Bailey: Our tummies hurt.
Paul Baker: How could both of your tummies hurt?
Bronx: We’re twins, Dad. You know how this kind of thing goes.
Paul Baker: [referring to the pool] It’s so beautiful, baby. You want to get in?
Zoey Baker: Not right now. I’m a little uncomfortable. I mean, look around. Everyone is staring at us like we’re weird.
Paul Baker: Of course they’re staring at us. We are weird, babe. Look at our kids. Our kids are weirdos.