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Starring: John Mulaney, Andy Samberg, KiKi Layne, Will Arnett, Eric Bana, Flula Borg, Dennis Haysbert, Keegan-Michael Key, Tress MacNeille, Tim Robinson, Seth Rogen, J.K. Simmons, Chris Parnell, Corey Burton
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Disney+ live-action and animated adventure comedy directed by Akiva Schaffer. Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022) follows Chip and Dale (John Mulaney and Andy Samberg), who are living a life of mediocrity in modern-day Los Angeles in a world where humans and cartoon characters live together. When a former cast mate mysteriously disappears, Chip and Dale must repair their broken friendship and take on their Rescue Rangers detective personas once again to save their friend’s life.
Our Favorite Quote:'The biggest risk is not taking any risk at all.' - Young Chip (Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers) Click To Tweet
Dale: Okay. What’s the first thing that pops into your head when I say Chip ‘n Dale? I’m willing to bet it’s Thomas Chippendale, the London-based cabinet maker from the 1700s. Sick cabinet, Thomas!
Dale: [as we see photo of Chippendales] But I bet the second thing that pops into your head are these guys. But certainly, third would be those rascally cartoon chipmunks, Chip ‘n Dale, or should I say Chip and me?
Young Chip: [to young Dale] The biggest risk is not taking any risk at all.
Dale: Chip was so funny and thoughtful about everything. And I never thought about anything. We were perfect together. And even though, we were in the same grade, Chip was like the older brother I never had.
Dale: [as they arrive in California] Hello, potential new friends!
Chip: Goodbye, eclectic group of bus passengers.
Dale: Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers. We had finally done it! Our own TV show. It was about a group of little detectives who would solve big crimes. There was the adventurer, Monterey Jack. The inventor, Gadget Hackwrench. And Zipper, a fly. His things were, he was small, and he couldn’t speak, a double threat. And then there was Chip and I, we were a classic odd couple, with Chip as the logical straight man, and me as the fun-loving goof.
Dale: We were living the dream. High on the hog, all night long, dancing the “Roger Rabbit”, with Roger Rabbit.
Dale: [after he’s told Chip about his new TV show] Look, you’re always acting like you saved me or something. But when we were kids, we were in it together.
Chip: What are you talking about? We’re still in it together.
Dale: I’m sorry, Chip. I’m just done being second banana.
Chip: But you’re not second banana. I’m a banana, and you’re just another banana. Two bananas.
Dale: Rescue Rangers was canceled that summer, and Double-0 Dale was scrapped after the pilot. It wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular, just one of those showbiz things. But now, we’re ready to bring it back. Rescue Rangers 2.0! Starring me. Now in new and improved 3D.
Lumiere: [as they’re at Fan Con] Pardon moi, Dale, but your followers, they believe the crowd is for you?
Dale: Of course they do, Lumiere. And pretty soon, that crowd is going to be for me.
Ugly Sonic: Yeah, Dale! I’m going to be up on that stage too, right beside you!
Dale: Yes, Ugly Sonic. That’s the spirit.
Ugly Sonic: And they’ll like me for who I am, not like last time when the internet got one look at my human teeth, and burned the place down.
Ugly Sonic: Anyway, now my luck has shifted. I’ve been offered a new reality show where I do ride-alongs with the FBI. It’s called Ugly Sonic, Uglier Crimes.
Dale: Really? A TV show? You?
Ugly Sonic: Yeah, is that so difficult to believe.
Dale: [as he looks at Sonic’s teeth] Oh, I guess not.
Dale: When one of us succeeds, we all succeed. Baloo was part of the Disney Afternoon, just like me. Then he got The Jungle Book reboot, and boom, he’s back on top. It happens that fast.
Dale: You just got to stay prepared. I’m keeping myself fit. And, you know, my updated modern look?
Tigra: Yes, Dale, your CG surgery was done very tastefully. You look amazing.
Dale: Well, thank you, Tigra. We should hang out sometime.
Tigra: [referring to Fan Con] No offense, but don’t you think you’d have more fans here if Chip did these events with you?
Dale: Oh, Chip? Oh, that’s interesting. I hadn’t thought about him in a while. I should give him a call. See how life’s treating him.
Chip: Life is the worst. Which is why you need good insurance. Look, I’m not going to put on the hard sell, but in my experience, bad things happen all the time. They happen without warning. Sometimes from the last place you’d expect it, and you’re left to pick up the pieces. So, you have to protect yourself. If you’re prepared for the worst, the worst isn’t so bad. So, why risk it? It’s my job to pull the wool off your eyes, figuratively.
Frog Co-Worker: Are you sure you don’t want to see my new pad?
Chip: Oh, pad. Frog-based humor. No, thanks.
Frog Co-Worker: That’s just a taste of what you get from me outside the work environment.
Chip: [as he sees the Chipmunks on TV] Of course, they’re rapping. They always have to make the cartoons rap.
Chip: I’m sorry, Monty, but what is that God-awful smell?
Monterey Jack: What? You don’t remember? Rescue Ranger’s cologne. I wear it every day.
Chip: Oh, no. I remember. It smells like almond butter and gasoline.
Monterey Jack: And it’s very difficult to wash out.
Monterey Jack: I screwed up, Chip. My love of cheese got the best of me. And I bought more than I could pay for.
Chip: Oh, no. Cheese? Monty.
Monterey Jack: I know. I know. But I haven’t had so much as a whiff in weeks. I’m dairy-free.
Chip: [referring to the smell] Really? Then what’s that?
Monterey Jack: Oh, crud. It’s a really stinky Gorgonzola. You weren’t supposed to see that.
Chip: The Valley Gang? Monty, those guys are bad news.
Monterey Jack: I know. And if I can’t pay up, they’re going to bootleg me.
Chip: Bootleg you? What does that mean?
Monterey Jack: Oh, Chip. It’s gotten rough out there for us old-timers.
Monterey Jack: [referring to Flounder] So, they kidnap the bloke, erase his mouth so he can’t scream, then change him around to try to sneak by the copyright laws, and then smuggle him overseas to a black-market studio, where he’ll spend the rest of his life being forced to make terrible bootleg movies.
Monterey Jack: Yeah, I called Dale for help also. I hope that’s okay.
Chip: Yeah, why wouldn’t it be okay? I mean, it is okie-dokie artichokie.
Dale: Artichokie? For real?
Chip: Yes. Artichokie.
Dale: So, what’s been up with you?
Chip: Oh, you know, this, that. Other vague things to fill the space of this conversation.
Dale: You look the same.
Chip: Yeah. Thanks. And you look different.
Dale: Hey, it’s no secret I had the CGI surgery done, and it’s done wonders rejuvenating my career.
Dale: But, man, I tell you the real hot ticket is Rescue Rangers. There’s even some buzz about a reboot. Someone started a Facebook fan page for it and everything.
Monterey Jack: Crikey! A Facebook fan page? They don’t just give those away.
Chip: Oh, he’s full of it, Monty. No one’s talking about a Rescue Rangers reboot except for him.
Dale: What? The fans are hungry for it.
Chip: [to himself] Come over to try and help Monty, ambush me, talking about a reboot. Think they can squeeze a dollar out of essentially nothing. He’s the one that quit the show in the first place. I’ve been fine without it. It’s garbage. Total garbage. That’s why it’s better to not even have friends.
Chip: [as he sees the movie billboard for Batman vs. ET] Okay. Yeah, that one looks pretty good.
Ellie: [after Monty’s been kidnapped] I searched the perimeter. No clues.
Captain Putty: Yeah, of course not. Why would there be? Six missing toons in a month, and not one clue.
Ellie: Well, maybe we should check in with the neighbors? See if anyone saw anything?
Captain Putty: Oh, yeah. You think? Why don’t you just leave the real detective work to me, okay?
Ellie: I’m Ellie Steckler. I am a huge fan.
Ellie: I actually became a detective because as a little girl growing up in Albany, I wanted to help people. Just like you guys.
Dale: No way. We are so honored. Namaste.
Chip: You know that was just a TV show, right? Not real.
Dale: Chip, inspiration is inspiration.
Dale: We should go find Monty ourselves.
Chip: Are you kidding?
Dale: No! Who better to rescue Monty?
Chip: Literally anyone.
Chip: We’re as much real detectives as the Scooby-Doo gang.
Dale: Exactly! That’s why we have to try.
Chip: No! What?
Dale: Chip, Monty called both of us looking for help and we let him down. We can’t just let him rot in some overseas studio, being forced to make bad movies. If he’s going to make bad movies, he should be making them here, with me.
Dale: [to Chip] Did you just find a clue? You literally just sniffed out a clue!
Dale: So, you’re saying the Rescue Rangers are back?
Chip: No, because there’s no such thing as Rescue Rangers. Case closed!
Chip: No, this is not a case because we’re not real detectives.
Dale: Oh! But you did say case. Yes!
Chip: You know they make chipmunk-sized cars, right?
Dale: Duh. But human stuff is the best. A little work done on her, and she’ll be back to her glory days.
Chip: Do you know what a metaphor is, Dale?
Dale: If you’re about to say this car is a metaphor for something about me, you can stop. Because, no, I don’t know what a metaphor is.
Dale: Look, if we’re going to solve The Case of the Missing Monty. That’s just a placeholder name. Open to any ideas. We’re going to have to work together.
Chip: We are not working together.
Dale: You’re funny, Chip.
Chip: And leave the top hat and cane in the car, please.
Dale: Woh! How did you know that?
Chip: Because you’re you.
Dale: Well, there’s no faster way to gain someone’s respect than to dress like an important business magnet.
Chip: You mean business “magnate”?
Dale: I think I know my own character, Chip, and he wears a top hat.
Chip: [as they enter Main Street] Oh, wow. It seems kind of nice. It’s not what I pictured.
Dale: Trust me, it’s worse. It’s a bunch of cartoons trading on their wholesome public image to keep the cops away. And bring you the slimiest backwater bazaar of contraband this side of Guadalajara.
Chip: You sure about that? That dog’s blowing bubbles.
Dale: Nothing, and I mean nothing is sacred in this part of town.
Chip: Hi, Mr. Bjornson. Do you have any cheese for sale?
Bjornson the Cheesemonger: Oh, do I have cheese? Let’s see, we’ve got the Muenster, the Gouda, the Brie.
Chip: Do you have any “stinky cheese”?
Bjornson the Cheesemonger: Are you cops?
Chip: No! No. We just want to buy some stinky cheese. The stinkier, the better.
Bjornson the Cheesemonger: [to Chip and Dale] So, you want stinky cheese? I got smell lines that’ll take you through the ceiling.
Dale: Looks like I just took us from outside the club to the VIP room.
Chip: [cut to them with their hands tied in the back of a truck] Wow! This VIP room is incredible. I’m freaking out, dude! Is that Jessica Rabbit over there? I’m only asking because I’m zip tied in the back of a truck!
Dale: Woh! What’s with the attitude? We were about to get kicked out with your plan. And now, thanks to my sweet improv, we’re going to see Sweet Pete.
Dale: How adorable are we? Chemistry like this doesn’t just happen. This has got reboot written all over it.
Chip: Oh. Are you serious? I should be home right now. Millie is probably worried sick and peeing all over the place.
Dale: Oh, are you seeing someone? She sounds nice.
Chip: She’s a dog. Millie is a dog.
Dale: Ah, I’m sure she’s not that bad.
Dale: This place looks weird. Where are we?
Chip: I think we’re in the Valley. The Uncanny Valley.
Dale: The what?
Chip: Do you remember that weird animation style in the early 2000s, where everything looked real, but nothing looked right?
Dale: Oh, yeah. That stuff was creepy.
Chip: Well, I think this is where they ended up.
Bob the Warrior Viking: Who are you?
Dale: Is he talking to us?
Chip: I can’t tell. He’s got those Polar Express eyes.
Dale: Are you talking to us?
Bob the Warrior Viking: Obviously. I said, “Who are you?”
Chip: Well, right. But in fairness, it looks like you’re talking to that window.
Bob the Warrior Viking: No, it actually looks like I’m looking right at you.
Bob the Warrior Viking: Look at my eyes, looking right at your eyes.
Bob the Warrior Viking: This is Sweet Pete’s legit business. It’s for old merchandise that never got sold.
Chip: Old merchandise?
Bob the Warrior Viking: Yeah. Like for example, you remember Shrek body wash? Exactly. No one does. It didn’t sell. That’s why Sweet Pete bought all the inventory, and melts it down for its useful parts. The guy has a real eye for business. I wish I could see what he sees.
Dale: I’m sure there’s corrective lenses, or something you could get.
Dale: Peter Pan?
Sweet Pete: Yep. Star of stage and screen. But you can call me Sweet Pete.
Dale: Oh, you look…
Sweet Pete: Old? Bald? Sad like a zoo gorilla?
Dale: What? No. Not like a zoo gorilla.
Sweet Pete: You mind if I walk while we talk? Not fitting into the old costume like I used to. Need to get my steps in.
Dale: Hey! I’ve got one of those. We should link accounts and help motivate each other.
Sweet Pete: You know, I got my big break when I was just a kid. I got cast in the biggest movie in the world, as the boy who wouldn’t grow up, Peter Pan. I’d never been so happy in my entire life. Then I got older, and they threw me away like I was nothing.
Chip: This business can be so tough.
Sweet Pete: You said it. I was scared, desperate, and all alone. So, I decided to take the power back and make my own bootleg movie. I called it Flying Bedroom Boy. And guess what? It worked! I made lots of money. So, I recruited other toons to star in more movies. And bang-a-rang, now I run my own bootleg movie studio, where I get to decide who’s a star, and who gets thrown in the trash.
Dale: [after Chip thought Dale was killed] Chip, you were crying. You really do love me!
Chip: What? No! You were crying!
Dale: Chippy, Chippy, I love you too!
Chip: Don’t make it about you. I was traumatized!
Dale: We didn’t learn anything of value, except for that Sweet Pete wears the same step tracker that I do.
Chip: Wait, those step trackers, do they keep track of everywhere you go?
Dale: Yeah. I know because I like to map my runs in the shape of a butt.
Ellie: Last year, when Peppa Pig went missing, I fell for a bogus tip, and made the whole squad raid Nickelodeon Junior Studios. And the toons fought back. Paw Patrol attacked Sergeant Henderson. The doctors say he’ll never have kids.
Chip: Huh, thank you for sharing that absolutely bonkers story.
Dale: Wait. What if we did episode forty-five?
Ellie: Forty-five? That’s a good idea.
Chip: No idea what you’re referring to. And do you have any original ideas? Or are you just constantly recycling old scripts?
Dale: Oh, come on! Episode forty-five! You dressed up like a rat to fool me. You don’t remember? You said, “Rats what I’m talking about.” It was hilarious!
Chip: I can’t believe we’re doing this. Please, just don’t do your bad New York accent.
Dale: Chip, I hear you, but it’s an unreasonable ask.
Chip: Wow. I am honestly amazed that that worked.
Dale: Me too. That accent actually got me fired from Law and Order.
Jimmy the Polar Bear: Don’t you just hate awkward silences?
Bob the Warrior Viking: Well, to be honest, it wasn’t awkward until you said that, Jimmy, and now it is. So, great job.
Jimmy the Polar Bear: I guess that’s true.
Chip: There is nothing more pathetic than an old cartoon character trying to seem cool again by rapping!
Dale: Chip, I hear you. But I don’t think we have much of a choice.
Chip: Oh, there’s a choice. When it comes to rapping, there’s always a choice.
Chip, Dale: It was like professional. Ha! Same time. Ha! Jinx! You owe me a non-brand specific cola. What? That was crazy! Somebody call Guinness Book! This is…
Chip: Blowing my mind!
Dale: Oh, we lost it!
Chip: I can’t believe it. We might actually get Monty back.
Dale: We’re going to be heroes.
Chip: I got to thank you for making me do this. I mean, this feels, I feel good.
Dale: Me too! We were always better together.
Dale: This looks like the machine I had my CG work done on. Except, way more violent looking.
Ellie: The machine is going to try and surgically re-edit you. So, try to avoid that.
Dale: Goodbye, Ellie! Always remember me!
Chip: If we don’t make it out of here alive, let Millie live with you, and sleep on your bed, and eat your food, and don’t be afraid to really scratch that butt!
Dale: This body is meant to be looked at, not touched!
Dale: It’s like episode hundred and twenty-one!
Chip: Mission Chipossible!
Reporter: Captain Putty! Black and White News. Why is there a wad of chewing gum on your back?
Captain Putty: Oh, come on! Gross. Now, that’s just going to be a part of me forever.
Chip: I thought you had changed, but you haven’t changed since Double-0 Dale!
Dale: Wait, so you are still mad about Double-0 Dale? I thought everything was artichokie.
Chip: You left, Dale. You left me high and dry. After everything we’d been through, everything I did for you!
Dale: So, we’re not artichokie?
Chip: No artichokie! Nothing’s ever been artichokie. Okay? I’m alone. I sell insurance. My only friend is a dog!
Dale: Okay, but then why did you say it was artichokie? I mean, when someone tells me something’s artichokie, I believe it’s artichokie.
Chip: Stop saying artichokie!
Dale: Well, you’re the same too! Chip’s always in charge! Chip’s always right! It’s Chip’s way or the highway!
Dale: Do you smell that?
Chip: I’m definitely not falling for one of your dumb fart jokes right now.
Dale: What’s going on? Why are we running away?
Chip: I’m not sure, but you and your big red nose are onto something. Monty was literally the only person to ever use that disgusting cologne.
Dale: Actually, I heard it’s still used in the Latvia to strip paint. But of course, we never see a dime of that.
Ugly Sonic: [to Chip] You got a Snoopy ear!
Dale: Yes, Ugly Sonic, his ear is hilarious. But do you have a contact at the FBI? Because we have some highly dangerous and classified information for them.
Ugly Sonic: Yeah, of course. I know tons of people at the FBI. I’m making a TV show with them.
Dale: Look, we really need your help, but we don’t have a lot of time.
Ugly Sonic: Oh, you want me to go fast? That’s Sonic’s thing. Ugly Sonic goes slow, baby.
Paul Rudd: [signing autographs at Fan Con] You know, originally, it was called Aunt Man, A-U-N-T, and my superpower was being really charming to aunts. That’s great, isn’t it? Yeah, they changed it.
Fan Con Fan: Peter, is that really you? You got old.
Sweet Pete: Yeah, death is coming for us all, kid.
He-Man: Hey, there’s something down there.
Skeletor: There’s nothing down there, you boob. You walk around with no pants long enough, and you start to notice every breeze.
Dale: We need a disguise or something! In here. Grab the first thing you can!
Chip: [as he puts on Indiana Jones’s famous leather jacket and hat] Uh, what?
Bob the Warrior Viking: What are you looking at?
Pumbaa: Honestly, your weird dead eyes.
Mantis: They are weird.
B.O.B: Super weird.
Chip: Where’s Dale?
Sweet Pete: He’ll be here. Keep your pants on.
Chip: I don’t wear pants.
Sweet Pete: Yeah, I noticed. It’s not something to brag about.
Sweet Pete: I was always more of an Alvin and the Chipmunks person.
Chip: You monster!
Chip: Why did you tell Dale to come? You should have protected him.
Ellie: I gave him a secret message. A code.
Chip: Dale forgets his own phone number. How is he going to break a code?
Dale: Rangers, I need your help.
Gadget: We love you, bud, but we just can’t invest in any more of your independent movies.
Dale: No! I’m not here for that. I’m here for something very important. Although that script was pretty good. Did you even read it?
Sweet Pete: Chip, I want to do something extra special for you. How would you feel
about playing your old character, but with feet for ears, and a dog snout where your tail should be?
Chip: Okay, honest feedback, that sounds terrible.
Dale: [over phone] Wow! Dave Bolinari. Haven’t heard from you in a while. Did you not get my last seven years of messages?
Dave Bollinari: [over phone] You’re the talk of the town. We’ve got heat. We’ve got offers. I’m thinking book deal. I’m thinking reboot!
Dale: Hey, actually, can I call you back? I can’t talk now.
Dave Bollinari: What? But, Dale, you got to get your priorities straight, dawg.
Dale: You know what? I think for the first time in my life, I am getting my priorities straight. Friends are more important than business.
Zipper: Good for you, Dale.
Gadget: Probably shouldn’t have thrown your phone though.
Dale: Nope. Immediately regretted it.
Zipper: Are you sure you want to do this, Dale?
Dale: As sure as I’ve ever been.
Gadget: But you’re like known for constantly making terrible decisions.
Dale: I know, right?
Zipper: Rescue Rangers, away.
Ellie: See? He understood the clue.
Dale: Of course, it was obvious!
Ellie: In “When You Fish Upon a Star”, Gadget was double-crossed. Just like us.
Dale: Right. Totally!
Chip: You had a completely different take, didn’t you?
Dale: Yes, mine involved Thai food.
Dale: Listen, I get how you feel. Things didn’t work out the way you wanted, right? You had big hopes and dreams. And, well, then the world just sort of breaks your heart.
Chip: And it feels like the only emotions you have left are anger and loneliness. But you’re not alone. None of us are.
Sweet Pete: Wow. It’s true. You two really are the worst actors in Hollywood.
Ugly Sonic: See! I told you I had a show, Dale. Ow! Stupid teeth, I think I just bit my tongue.
Chip: [to an unconscious Dale] And I needed you more than you needed me. All these years, I let you feel like you were second banana because I wanted to feel like first banana. I was nothing without you.
Monterey Jack: You never gave up on me.
Dale: Of course not. We’d never give up on friends.
Chip: Oh, what did they do to you?
Monterey Jack: Ah, Chipper. They Dumbo’d me.
Dale: Don’t worry. I’ve got a guy that’ll fix those ears, no problem.
Chip: You know, Dale, I’m sorry it took all this to get us back together.
Dale: Oh, Chip. Come here.
Monterey Jack: [as Chip and Dale are hugging] Crikey. I’d cry if they didn’t erase me tear ducts.
Zipper: To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Gadget: Sometimes, I can’t tell what you guys like more. Eating nuts, or driving us nuts.
Dale: So, Chip. Does this mean we are officially friends again?
Chip: Sure. I guess some things are worth rebooting.
Dale: You said it! You want to do a Rescue Rangers reboot.
Chip: No, I didn’t. That is not what I meant. I mean, maybe. I’d have to see the script first.
Dale: Oh, yes! That’s a yes! Hey, do you think we can get like a pop star to do the theme song?
Chip: Yeah, right. Like a super serious version, even though everyone just wants to hear the original.
Dale: Yes! That exactly.
Fan Con Announcer: [mid-credits lines] Ladies and gentlemen, the Rescue Rangers!
Darkwing Duck: Boo! Hiss! We want Darkwing! We want Darkwing! Say it with me! We want Darkwing! What a load of malarkey.