Starring: Keri Russell, O’Shea Jackson Jr., Ray Liotta, Alden Ehrenreich, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Kristofer Hivju, Christian Convery-Jennings, Brooklynn Prince, Margo Martindale, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Hannah Hoekstra, Aaron Holliday
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Story:
Black comedy thriller directed by Elizabeth Banks. Inspired by a true story set in 1985, Cocaine Bear (2023) follows the story of a drug runner’s plane crash, missing cocaine, and the black bear that ate it. An oddball group of cops, criminals, tourists, and teens converging in a Georgia forest where a bear has ingested a staggering amount of cocaine and gone on a drug-fueled rampage for more blow and blood.
Best Quotes
Olaf (Kristoffer): [to Elsa] You know the first thing I thought when I saw you? I thought, “I want to make a child with that person.”
Elsa: Yeah, it’s just that I don’t want to use your brother’s band.
Olaf (Kristoffer): Why not? He’s super, super good. He works super hard. And he even takes vocal lessons now.
Elsa: Yeah, I know this. I know this. It’s just that, well, Eric is no good. I mean, he’s, well, terrible, actually. His singing is like s**t.
Elsa: I’ve always wanted to see a bear in real life.
Olaf (Kristoffer): First humpbacks in Iceland, and now this!
Elsa: We have such good luck in nature.
Olaf (Kristoffer): [as he sees the bear attacking the tree] Did you see that? It’s demented or something.
Elsa: What? Can I get the camera? Give me the camera. Demented?
Olaf (Kristoffer): I think we should leave it. There’s something wrong with it.
Olaf (Kristoffer): [as the bear pops up near them] Oh, f***. Don’t panic.
Elsa: What do we do?
Olaf (Kristoffer): “If it’s black, fight back. If it’s brown, lay down.”
Elsa: But is it black or is it brown? I mean, it looks brown to me.
Olaf (Kristoffer): We’re in Appalachia. It’s black. We have to fight it.
Elsa: How do you know? You’re not a bear expert.
Olaf (Kristoffer): [as the bear is approaching them] Whatever you do, don’t…
Elsa: Run!
Olaf (Kristoffer): Oh, no. Oh, no. I said don’t run! Stop! Stop!
News Anchor: Millions of dollars worth of cocaine dropped from the sky early today onto a driveway in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Bob: I know who that is. Full name, Andrew C. Thornton II. Man was out of his mind.
Officer Reba: What’s the “C” stand for? You said “full name”, but you didn’t say his full name.
Eddie: [referring to the tattoo on his chest] They spelled her name wrong, Daveed. It says “John”.
Daveed: Says “John”.
Eddie: Her name is f***ing Joan.
Daveed: Look, we could get it fixed.
Eddie: No. I got to wait a week for it to heal first. I got seven more days of “John”.
Henry: [to Dee Dee] Why do I skip school with you? You’re bossier than the teachers.
Henry: [to Dee Dee] For a girl who likes to be left alone, you do a lot of s**t for attention.
Vest: Is that perfume?
Ranger Liz: That’s none of your business.
Vest: Well, it smells really nice.
Ranger Liz: Yeah, well, it’s European.
Peter: What’s that smell?
Vest: It’s European.
Peter: You got a dusty beaver here, Ranger.
Ranger Liz: Yeah, well, I’m working on that.
Dee Dee: Seriously, what the hell are you even doing?
Henry: Marking our territory.
Dee Dee: Ugh! Don’t s**t out here!
Henry: I’m not s**tting.
Dee Dee: This is definitely cocaine.
Henry: Yeah. Of course. I’m just not used to seeing it like that. You know, it’s usually more powdery on the streets.
Dee Dee: When have you seen cocaine on the streets?
Henry: When I do it.
Dee Dee: Faulk does not do cocaine after church.
Dee Dee: You’ve done it before. You can do it again.
Henry: Well, we’re exercising though. Shooting and stuff. I mean, I can’t do cocaine while shooting and exercising. That wouldn’t be good.
Dee Dee: [referring to the cocaine] Okay, so how do I do it?
Henry: You eat it.
Dee Dee: How much?
Henry: Like a tablespoon’s worth.
'Lizards are good listeners. But people, people are good at hearing.' - Stache (Cocaine Bear) Share on X
Dee Dee: Something got into it. A deer, maybe.
Henry: Could you imagine that? Deer on cocaine?
Henry: Hey, Dee Dee. Do you think my dad has ever done cocaine?
Dee Dee: Your dad has definitely done cocaine.
Dee Dee: [as they see the bear] Did it do the cocaine?
Henry: Don’t move a muscle.
Eddie: I don’t hang out with drug dealers anymore. It’s against my constitution.
Daveed: I’m more than a drug dealer.
Eddie: No, you’re not.
Peter: Nothing can distract me from making sure the entire biological community is safe for all our friends.
Sari: Friends?
Ranger Liz: He means animals.
Peter: I don’t like that word.
Ranger Liz: He doesn’t like to call them animals.
Ranger Liz: Park rangers are peace officers. Which means we can shoot people. Forest is a dangerous place. That gang of pubes are dangerous.
Peter: “Gang of pubes”?
Ranger Liz: Teens. Delinquents.
Kid (Stache): We stashed it under a gazebo. Going back for it later tonight.
Daveed: A gazebo?
Kid (Stache): It’s a pavilion-type structure.
Daveed: I know what the f*** a gazebo is.
Eddie: I didn’t.
Eddie: I prefer we left guns out of this.
Kid (Stache): Yeah. Same.
Daveed: And I would prefer not to be stabbed. So, Eddie, please go get the f***ing gun.
Kid (Stache): [referring to Daveed] Friend’s pretty serious, ain’t he?
Eddie: Well, I don’t think he’s too happy after getting stabbed in the shoulder.
Kid (Stache): Well, it wasn’t me. Eh, I don’t blame him though. Getting stabbed sucks.
Henry: Don’t be mad, but we skipped school.
Sari: No s**t, Henry.
Henry: But there was a bear. A really terrible bear.
Sari: A bear?
Henry: Yeah, I know. It was f***ed!
Ranger Liz: Hey! That’s inappropriate.
Peter: Bears are very peaceful creatures.
Peter: [to Liz] Why are you shooting at me?!
Ranger Liz: [referring to the bear] That a**hole! I’m going to get him. I’m going to get that a**hole.
Peter: [referring to the bear, as he climbs the tree] There’s something wrong with it.
Henry: Yeah. I told you there was.
Peter: Why is it acting like this? Did you feed it cocaine?
Henry: No! But you’re safe. Bears can’t climb trees.
Peter: Of course they can!
Henry: Then why are you up here?
Henry: [referring to Peter] That was so messed up. That little man was an expert on bears, but didn’t know the bear was the cocaine bear.
Henry: [referring to Peter] Now on that guy back there. Did you hear him scream? He’s so dead. I’d love to not remember that. But it kind of seems like the thing that stays with a man forever.
Ranger Liz: They say I can’t keep my park safe, that I’m unfit for the big leagues. I’d have been at Yellowstone by now if it weren’t for you s**ts!
Ponytail: You’re going to shoot him?
Ranger Liz: Hell, yes. I’m going to shoot him! He took a bite out of my a**!
Ponytail: [as he opens the door] That’s a f***ing bear.
Vest: [Liz then accidentally shoots Ponytail in the head] What the f***?!
Henry: Mrs. McKinndry, have you ever done cocaine?
Sari: What? Why do you ask?
Henry: Just wondering if it has long-term side effects. For the bear, of course, if it just did it a little bit.
Sari: Well, it could create habit for the bear.
Henry: What if it never wanted to do it again?
Sari: Oh, then it should be fine. But Mama Bear and Papa Bear would be very angry, because drugs, especially cocaine, are very, very bad.
Henry: What if they would never find out?
Sari: Oh, Henry, we always find out.
Beth: What the f*** is wrong with that bear?
Tom: [as Liz points her gun] What the hell have you got a gun for?
Ranger Liz: Move! Move!
Tom: Put that away!
Tom: [as the bear is chasing after them] Jesus Christ! Shoot it! Shoot it!
Tom: [as Liz is shooting] Kill it! Not the tree! The big f***ing bear!
Ranger Liz: Shut up!
Beth: Why is it chasing us? Tom, try to shut the f***ing door!
Ranger Liz: Close the f***ing door, you dumb-a**!
Tom: Guys, you got to stop yelling at me! Beth, speed up!
[suddenly the bear jumps into the back of the ambulance]
Kid (Stache): My mom is the reason I’m the man I am today.
Daveed: And what a man you are. Attacking innocent people for no reason.
Eddie: So I should get Gabe a lizard?
Kid (Stache): Well, you know what? Lizards are good listeners, bud. But people, people are good at hearing.
Eddie: That’s the sweetest thing I ever heard. Thank you.
Bob: Well, you brought that on yourself, kid.
Daveed: Oh, yeah? I shot my own f***ing fingers?
Bob: I told you not to move.
Kid (Stache): How did he take those two fingers off? They’re not even next to each other.
Daveed: Eddie, I got this.
Eddie: Do you? I have your fingers in my pocket.
Bob: You’re all going to get arrested. Drug sentences since Nixon are f***ed, so get ready for ten to fifteen years of s**tting in front of your cellmate, and supervised shower time.
Kid (Stache): Detective, Your Honor, sir, I’m not with them. I’ve never even done coke. I mean, maybe once. Once at a party once. I can’t go to jail.
Eddie: You’re not going to jail.
Kid (Stache): Just saying, I can’t s**t in front of people. I’ve never been able to s**t in front of people. I like to s**t in peace.
Bob: [as Eddie is under the bear] Oh, man. You f***ed.
Kid (Stache): Eddie, can you breathe?
Eddie: What the f***?
Bob: I think that’s a yes.
Sari: Were you attacked?
Olaf (Kristoffer): Devil bear.
Kid (Stache): [referring to the bear] I think it died.
Eddie: It died on top of me?
Daveed: He’s going to wake up eventually.
Kid (Stache): Well, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
Eddie: She.
Kid (Stache): What?
Eddie: The bear is a girl.
Kid (Stache): Oh, yeah. How do you know that?
Eddie: Because its v***na is on my ear.
Daveed: [as the bears starts eating the cocaine bag] No, no, no, no! Don’t eat that. Don’t eat that.
Bob: I will be goddamned.
Daveed: Should we shoot her?
Bob: No. Let’s see what kind of effect that has on it.
Kid (Stache): It’s like cocaine Christmas.
Syd: [referring to Gabe] You left him with me! Do I look like “daddy day care center” to you?
Syd: What the f*** happened to you?
Daveed: A lot.
Syd: Did you get the coke?
Daveed: A little. The bear ate most of it.
Syd: What?
Eddie: The bear. It f***ing did cocaine! A f***ing… A bear did cocaine, Dad!
Syd: Where’s the duffel?
Bob: I gave it to the bear.
Syd: You gave it to the bear?
Bob: Yeah. The bear. It loves coke.
Bob: [after finding out that Reba works with Syd] The department trusted you. The state of Tennessee trusted you. The United States of America, it trusted you.
Officer Reba: I know.
Bob: I trusted you with Rosette.
Officer Reba: I know.
Syd: Who’s Rosette?
Officer Reba: The dog in my car.
Syd: You left a dog in the car?
Eddie: You left my son in Saint Louis.
Syd: I’d vote for not killing the dog today, but that’s just me.
Syd: What’s so funny?
Bob: Apex predator, high on cocaine, and you’re going towards it.
Sari: Henry told me everything.
Dee Dee: Everything?
Sari: You mean that you guys did drugs?
Dee Dee: You told her?
Henry: No.
Sari: I had a suspicion, and you just confirmed it.
Henry: Cocaine bear’s back.
Eddie: Give them the f***ing coke! They’re little cubs.
Syd: What the f***’s the matter with you? Shoot the little f***ing cubs, Eddie!
Henry: Hey, you! You did this. You’re the reason this is all happening. And it’s a good thing he’s not like you, because you’re a piece of crap person, and a bad dad!
Syd: Who the f*** are you?
Henry: I’m Henry. And I am so f***ing tired!
Daveed: Yeah, me too.
Syd: [to the cubs] Here, here, here. Have some coke, you little s**ts.
Eddie: [to Daveed] I need you to know, what I said earlier. You’re more than a drug dealer, alright? You’re my friend. You’re my best friend.
Daveed: [referring to Rosette] Whose dog is this?
Eddie: I think it’s mine. Mine and Gabe’s.
Daveed: Is it on cocaine?
Eddie: No.
Henry: I knew you’d be okay. You’re the toughest person I know. I think you get that from your mom.
Dee Dee: I think you’re right. Thanks for coming to get me.
Sari: I’m your mom. I love you. And you too, Henry.
Dee Dee: I want to go to Nashville with you and Ray. Maybe we can go after me and Henry get out of rehab.
Sari: Rehab?
Dee Dee: We’re cokeheads now. You know?
Henry: We got the bite, and we’re about that life, Mrs. McKinndry.
Sari: Yeah, you’re too grounded for rehab.
Gabe: [mid-credits lines] Is that for me?
Eddie: Hey. Yeah, what do you think? What’s it eating?
Daveed: [realizing Rosette is eating his severed fingers] Oh, my God. They’re weren’t going to put them back on.
Trailer: