Starring: Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, Jermaine Fowler, KiKi Layne, Leslie Jones, Shari Headley, John Amos, Tracy Morgan, Wesley Snipes, James Earl Jones
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Comedy sequel directed by Craig Brewer. The story follows Prince Akeem Joffer (Eddie Murphy), who is set to become King of Zamunda when he discovers he has a son he never knew about in America,a street savvy Queens native named Lavelle (Jermaine Fowler). Honoring his father’s, King Jaffe Joffer (James Earl Jones), dying wish to groom this son as the crown prince, Akeem and Semmi (Arsenio Hall) set off to America once again.
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Prince Akeem: Today, we celebrate thirty years of Zamundan prosperity. Thirty years of service to our great nation. And thirty years of delicious fast food. We want to welcome you all to McDowell’s Zamunda.
Cleo McDowell: The McDowell’s menu is in no way influenced by the McDonald’s menu. They’ve got Egg McMuffins. We’ve got Egg McStuffins.
Semmi: Behold! Prince Akeem in his natural element, cowering at the mercy of the women in his life.
Prince Akeem: And how is my father today?
Semmi: He has already ordered my execution three times.
Prince Akeem: Oh, then he must be feeling better.
Nexdorian Lieutenant: Presenting the supreme leader of Nexdoria. The conqueror of countries and hearts. The wrestler of lions. The tamer of elephants. The inspiration for Mufasa. The most well-endowed man in Africa, General Izzi.
General Izzi: The shame must be unbearable, as a man, as a king, without an heir with a nut sack.
Prince Akeem: Thank you for your visit, General. Seeing you brings to mind all of my father’s favorite curses for you. To call you a s**t stain brought him much joy.
King Jaffe Joffer: My time has come, my son. You must heed my words before I’m gone.
Semmi: Please don’t leave us so soon, Your Highness. Zamunda needs you.
King Jaffe Joffer: Oh, shut up, Semmi! You don’t have to suck up to me anymore. I’ll be dead soon. Why couldn’t it be you, Semmi?
Baba: Yes, Your Majesty. His life is far too worthless. His death would make me smile.
King Jaffe Joffer: The throne must pass to a male heir.
Prince Akeem: Yes, Father. A male heir. Once again, I apologize to you for all of the shame and disappointment that my offsprings genetic makeup has caused you.
King Jaffe Joffer: My son, it appears your shortcomings in masculinity have turned out to be unfounded.
Baba: I seen it in a vision. You gots a son.
King Jaffe Joffer: It is true. You have a son, Akeem.
Baba: A b*****d son.
Prince Akeem: That is impossible! The only woman I have ever lain with is Lisa. Father, I did not sow my royal oats.
Semmi: Remember in Queens, night after night, you were looking for the perfect woman?
Prince Akeem: Yes.
Semmi: Well, I too was, how can I say this? I was looking for the perfect v***na. Or any v***na. We scoured the far reaches of that loathsome city, searching rather unsuccessfully for the woman of your dreams.
Semmi: I may not have been thinking straight. In my defense, it had been weeks since the last time I was tended to by the royal bathers. But at the time, it seemed like a good plan.
Mary Junson: [to Akeem] I hope you like pumpkin pie. Because you going to get a whole slice.
Prince Akeem: That is not what happened, Father. I remember meeting this morally bereft woman, but there was no inappropriate mating. She offered me some of her ceremonial herbs. And then, if memory serves, a wild boar burst into the room. It came and jumped into my lap. And then it began to ram me. And ram me, and ram me. Ramming, and ramming!
Prince Akeem: [as he’s choking Semmi] You fool, what have you done to me?!
King Jaffe Joffer: Go on, son. Just kill him.
Baba: Kill him!
Prince Akeem: So I actually have a son?
Baba: A b*****d son.
Prince Akeem: Why was his existence hidden from me all these years?
King Jaffe Joffer: I was hoping you would put a stem on an apple of your own.
Baba: General Izzi, he will use the passing of our great king as a sign to attack the weak one.
Prince Akeem: The weak one? Am I the weak one?
King Jaffe Joffer: I spoiled you, my son. You are not strong, or ruthless, as I am. You will be assassinated.
Baba: Within a week.
King Jaffe Joffer: Month, tops.
King Jaffe Joffer: The end is near. My funeral should be spectacular.
Prince Akeem: Yeah, it will, Papa.
King Jaffe Joffer: Let’s have it now while I’m alive.
Morgan Freeman: With the passing of the great king, the world changed forever. When he died, no one ever smiled again. Vacations were canceled. Holidays ignored. People didn’t even have sex anymore.
Prince Akeem: I just lost the greatest man in my life. Soon, Nexdorian warriors will assassinate me. And I have a child on the other side of the world.
Semmi: Take heart in your grief. You are king now. Be as your father. Bark orders at me. Throw things at me. It will make you happy.
Prince Akeem: Prepare the royal jet. We are going back to America.
Semmi: Oh, hell no, Your Majesty!
Lavelle Junson: Today is my birthday. And you forgot.
Uncle Reem: Listen to me, young Jedi, okay? What you need to do is learn to relax. I’m your uncle. You stay on the ground with me. You dig it, son?
Lavelle Junson: [during his job interview] So just give me a chance, Mr. Duke.
Mr. Duke: Oh, my God. Please. My father is Mr. Duke. And my grandfather, and great-uncle, who founded Duke and Duke. But, please, just call me Calvin.
Lavelle Junson: So you’re saying daddy never donated a building to get you into an Ivy League school?
Mr. Duke: No. Yeah. Well, there was a small off-campus library.
Lavelle Junson: And daddy never had to sneak you into an overpriced rehab facility to cover up a cocaine addiction, Calvin?
Mr. Duke: It was oxy, and my mom took me.
Lavelle Junson: Kiss my a**, Calvin. Hey, you know something? You’ve been judging me since I walked in here. Which sucks because I am so motivated. You know what, I just can’t wait for them to find blackface photos of you from the office party.
Mr. Duke: I was Will Smith’s Aladdin, okay?
Lavelle Junson: Peace, Calvin.
Mr. Duke: There was blueface over the black.
Clarence: In this political climate, Black man can’t be taking no a**-whipping from no white man. It would’ve caused a riot. I was ready to riot anyway. I wanted to get me one of them flat-screen TVs.
Clarence: [as Akeem and Semmi enter the shop] Well, I’ll be damned! Look who done come up in here.
Saul: Hey, it’s Kunta Kinte and Ebola.
Clarence: Famine and Blood Diamond.
Morris: Nelson Mandela and Winnie.
Nice Man: Those hungry babies with the flies on their face.
Clarence: Hey. Oh, oh, oh, oh. That’s too much, man. You stepped over the line now. We don’t be talking that kind of s**t about the hungry babies. You’re going to have to get out my chair.
Morris: Politically incorrect.
Sweets: Somebody need to whip your a**.
Semmi: America has certainly changed since our last visit. Your Black president finally united this great country.
Clarence: Yeah, but it’s all gone to hell now.
Morris: We all going to die. Just don’t know how.
Semmi: Akeem now is an African king.
Clarence: Well, I’ll be damned. You got any kids? I got kids. In fact, I got one granddaughter
used to be my grandson. They can turn your p**is into a v***na now. It’s science.
Morris: I bet they could fix them long, sloppy titties y’all got in Africa.
Saul: You can’t even squeeze a tit nowadays. It’ll get you fired.
Prince Akeem: I’m so sorry you can no longer indiscriminately touch a woman’s body at your every whim.
Clarence: Oh, it’s okay. I got it in when I was young.
Prince Akeem: I’ve just discovered that I may have a b*****d son here in this land, conceived during my last visit.
Sweets: The long arm of the family court bring them back every time. How much child support she getting from you?
Semmi: The king pays no child support.
Morris: No child support for thirty years, and you came back? You is a dummy!
Prince Akeem: I am King Akeem Joffer, king of Zamunda. And I believe that you… What is your name?
Lavelle Junson: It’s Lavelle. Lavelle Junson.
Prince Akeem: Lavelle Junson, are the heir to the throne of Zamunda. My firstborn child, and my only son. Yes, my son.
Lavelle Junson: [referring to Akeem] So you know this man?
Mary Junson: I definitely know this man. I know this man all the way live. You know, I know this man all up in the crevice.
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