Starring: Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, Kevin Bacon, Analeigh Tipton, Jonah Bobo, Joey King, Beth Littleford, John Carroll Lynch
OUR RATING: ★★★★☆
Comedy drama directed by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa. Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011) follows Cal Weaver (Steve Carell), a middle-aged husband whose seemingly perfect life unravels when he learns that his wife, Emily (Julianne Moore), has been unfaithful and wants a divorce. Over 40 and suddenly single, Cal is adrift in the fickle world of dating. Enter, Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling), a self-styled player who takes Cal under his wing and teaches him how to be a hit with the ladies.
Our Favorite Quotes:'I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one, you never give up.' - Cal (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Cal: [at the restaurant] Want to split a desert? You okay? You seem a little off.
Emily: Yeah, I’m just trying to think about what I want.
Cal: Yeah, me too. Why don’t we just say it at the same time? One, two, three…
Emily: I want to a divorce.
Cal: Creme brulee.
Robbie: [after Jessica catches him jerking off] I’m sorry you had to see that.
Jessica: No. You know, I should have knocked.
Robbie: Just for the record, I think about you while I do it.
Robbie: I have this picture of you, and I look at it the whole time.
Robbie: I love you, Jessica.
Jessica: I am actually begging you to stop it!
Robbie: And I know you’re seventeen, and I know I just turned thirteen, which is the same age as your little brother. But soon our age difference won’t even matter. Which is good, because I’m pretty sure you’re my soul mate.
Jessica: [as she sees Cal looking disheveled] Oh, my God. Woh, What happened?
Cal: Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce, and I jumped out of the car.
Robbie: You jumped out of a moving car?
Cal: I did. I jumped out of a moving car. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
Hannah: I don’t care. I love him. I really do. And given the opportunity, yes, I would have his babies.
Liz: Seriously? Conan O’Brien? You would do Conan O’Brien?
Hannah: Oh, my God. Yes.
Liz: Ew. Friend to friend, ew.
Liz: I don’t know. Your life is so PG-13.
Hannah: My life is not PG-13.
Liz: Oh, it so is.
Hannah: No, it’s not.
Liz: Yes, it is. You’ve never left LA. You passed the bar. You’re probably going to be what, a patent lawyer? Probably get married to that human Valium, Richard. I just, listen, I worry about you, is all.
Liz: So much potential, and you’ve resorted to fantasizing about Conan “Ginger Junk” O’Brien.
Hannah: He is funny!
Liz: He looks like a carrot, honey.
Jacob: Hi. Who looks like a carrot?
Liz: Conan O’Brien. My friend Hannah here thinks he’s sexy.
Jacob: That’s weird. Because I think that your friend Hannah is really sexy.
Hannah: Oh, my God. You did not just say that! How old are you?
Jacob: What are you, a lawyer?
Hannah: Yeah. A little bit.
'You see, the problem is that your head is like the proportions of a Styrofoam peanut.' - Jacob Palmer (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Hannah: Don’t you think you’re a little old to be using cheesy pickup lines?
Jacob: Objection. Leading the witness. You really wearing that like you’re doing it a favor.
Hannah: Oh, God.
Jacob: That’s a line. Me sitting over there for the past two hours, not being able to take my eyes off of you is fact. I mean, there’s lots of beautiful women in this bar. Your friend included. Hi.
Liz: I love you.
Jacob: But I can’t take my eyes off of you. That’s a fact, it’s not a line. I find you very attractive.
Jacob: Do you find me attractive?
Liz: She does.
Hannah: I don’t.
Jacob: You do. She does.
Liz: Yes, she does.
Hannah: I don’t!
Jacob: You do.
Liz: You do.
Hannah: I don’t!
Jacob: Hannah, we live in a physical world, right? And you’re going to age, right? I guarantee you this, you’re never going to regret going home with that guy form the bar that one time, that was a total tomcat in the sack. But I can’t guarantee that you won’t not regret it.
Hannah: That was a double negative.
Jacob: You’re a double negative.
Hannah: It’s time to go home.
Jacob: Really? Wow. That’s forward of you. But okay. I’ll do it.
'You play to your strengths. That's all any of us can do.' - Jacob Palmer (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Jessica: [to Cal] I like Mrs. Weaver. I like her a lot. Okay? But if she wants to divorce you, then I think she’s bats**t crazy.
Cal: [getting drunk at the bar] My wife is having intercourse with someone who is not me.
Girl at Bar: I’m sorry to hear that.
Cal: Oh, thank you. That is very nice of you to say. Very, very nice. She just told me. I just found out. So I’m a little raw. Okay. Well, you’re not listening. Okay. You wouldn’t ignore me if I were David Lindhagen. My wife doesn’t ignore David Lindhagen. She screws him. She screws him.
Cal: Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced?
Cal’s Boss: You’re getting a divorce?
Cal’s Boss: Amy, heard you crying in the bathroom. We all thought it was cancer. Thank God, man.
Cal: Yeah! Just my relationship
Cal’s Boss: Thank God. Divorce.
Cal: I’m so lucky.
Cal’s Boss: You are.
Cal’s Boss: [to Cal] It could have been cancer, buddy!
Cal’s Boss: [to people in the office] Hey, everyone, it’s just a divorce!
Emily: [to Cal] I think I’m having a midlife crisis, maybe. Can women have midlife crisis? In the movies it’s always men having them and buying ridiculous yellow Porsche’s. But, you know, I’m not a man.
'You're never going to regret going home with that guy form the bar that one time, that was a total tomcat in the sack. But I can't guarantee that you won't not regret it.' - Jacob, 'That was a double negative.' - Hannah Click To Tweet
Emily: [to Cal] Last week, you know when I told you that I had to work late, I really went to see the new Twilight movie by myself. I don’t know why I did that. And it was so bad, Cal.
Emily: We haven’t been us. Not for a long time. And I don’t know when you and I stopped being us. I mean, do you?
Cal: Maybe it’s when you screwed David Lindhagen.
Bernie: Claire said I can’t be friends with you anymore.
Bernie: She said we had to choose between you and Emily. I chose you. But she said no.
Cal: [drinking at the bar] You know a word that is not used very often anymore? Cuckold. I’m a cuckold. David Lindhagen cuckolded me. He made a cuckold out of me. He slept with my wife, and I didn’t know about it. And that is the definition of cuckoldom. David Lindhagen took my wife and slept with her. Thought I did everything right. Got married, had kids, the house. What do I get for it? I get cuckolded? David Lindhagen cuckolded me. He made a cuckold out of me.
'The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.' - Jacob (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Cal: [as Jacob sits next to him at the bar] Guess what. My wife is having an affair with…
Jacob: David Lindhagen. David Lindhagen, I know. How do I know that?
Cal: I don’t know.
Jacob: I’m a total stranger. How would I know something so intimate about your wife?
Cal: David Lindhagen screwing your wife too?
Jacob: No. Do you want to know why I know that, Cal?
Jacob: Because it’s all that I’ve heard, Cal, for the past two nights. It’s all anybody’s heard. You’re going around, and you’re like, you’re badgering people with this sad-sack, loser sob story. And I don’t understand why.
Jacob: Cal, would you take that straw out of your mouth? Please. Just for this conversation. Do you know what that looks like? It looks like you’re sucking on a tiny schwantz. Is that what you want?
Jacob: Is that the message you want to sent to everybody?
Cal: No one’s thinking that.
Jacob: So, permission to speak candidly, sir.
Cal: I think you’ve already gone there.
Jacob: You’re sitting there with a Supercuts haircut, you’re getting drunk on watered-down vodka cranberries like a fourteen year-old girl. And you’re wearing a forty-four when you should be wearing a forty-two regular. Honestly, I don’t know if I should help you or euthanize you.
Jacob: Cal, you got a kind face. You got a good head of hair. You seem like a nice guy. I want to help you. I’m going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea like where you lost it?
Cal: Strong case could be made for 1984.
Jacob: Well, we’re going to find it. We are. I promise you. And I promise you this too, Cal. When we’re done, this wife of yours, she’s going to rue the day she ever decided to give up on you. That’s my offer. You in or you out?
Cal: Why are you doing this?
Jacob: Maybe you remind me of someone. You in or are you out?
Cal: I’m in.
Cal: Your mom wants you to stay here while she’s out hooking.
'The war between the sexes is over. And we won. Okay? We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.' - Jacob (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Liz: [referring to Richard] Hannah, look at you. Look at you. If you end up with that, what am I going to end up with?
Hannah: Shut up!
Liz: That s**t’s depressing.
Jacob: [after he tosses Cal’s sneakers away] Are you Steve Jobs?
Jacob: Hold on a second! Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
Jacob: Oh. Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers ever.
Jacob: [as Cal is trying on new clothes] You see, the problem is that your head is like the proportions of a Styrofoam peanut.
'I'm wearing a shirt, and a tie, and a sweater, and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. It's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down.' - Cal (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner’s ball sack.
Cal: [looks into a mirror] It does.
Cal: [referring to the jeans he’s wearing] These are fine.
Jacob: They’re not fine. You have a mom butt. Is that what you want?
Jacob: Cal, you’re better than the Gap. You’re better than the Gap. Say it?
Cal: I’m better than the Gap.
Jacob: [slaps Cal] Come on.
Cal: God! Stop slapping me. Really.
'I am wildly unhappy. I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.' - Jacob (Crazy Stupid Love) Click To Tweet
Jacob: [as Cal is trying on new clothes] You see what just happened, Cal? Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany started doubting whether she wanted to sleep with you or not.
Cal: That’s probably the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
Jacob: No. This is. Your wife cheated on you because you lost sight of who you are as a man, as a husband, and probably as a lover.
Cal: You’re right. That’s meaner.
Jacob: So, let’s talk about how many women you’ve been with.
Jacob: Yeah. No, I mean break-dance fighting.
Jacob: No. Not at one time.