Starring: Nasim Pedrad, Lamorne Morris, Anna Camp, Robbie Amell, Heather Graham, Sarah Burns
OUR RATING: ★★½
Netflix’s comedy directed by LP. The story follows Wesley (Nasim Pedrad), who after sending an angry email to the guy of her dreams, Jared (Robbie Amell) after believing she’s getting ghosted by him, rushes to Mexico, with her reluctant friends in tow, in a desperate attempt to erase her email before Jared gets a chance to read it.
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[Wesley is being interviewed for guidance counselor position at a Catholic school]
Principal Judy: Okay, well, why don’t we just do a scenario here? Let’s say a student comes to you to tell you that her boyfriend is pressuring her to get physical.
Wesley: First of all, f*** that guy. You know, I would shut that down. Yeah, I would use it as an opportunity to teach her she doesn’t need a boy to fulfill her. She can fulfill herself.
Principal Judy: Spiritually.
Wesley: Oh, no, no. Physically.
Brooke: You are f***ing nuts. Who rambles on to a nun about sex?
Wesley: I mean, it’s like I knew I shouldn’t go there, but in the moment I was like, “I should go there.”
Brooke: There’s the things that you say when you have the job, and things that you say when you want the job.
Kaylie: Sweetie, don’t compare yourself to other people. It’s a loser’s game.
Wesley: I thought by the time I was thirty, I’d be married with like this dope career, and a couple kids.
Brooke: Ugh! Being married is not the answer. Dave cheated on me, so you never know how that’s going to go.
Brooke: You know what? Why don’t you just chill on the guys until you find a job, you know? One crisis at a time.
Wesley: Okay, Brooke. Yeah, I’ll just casually take a year off of dating while my ovaries rust and grow barnacles.
Kaylie: Oh, Wes, there’s always a silver lining. Even on corroded ovaries.
[over the phone]
Wesley: I always feel like, on a blind date, you should have an automatic out. You show up, say hi, no chemistry? Just say no. Over. I’m talking to you right now, I literally don’t care about you.
Sean: You could get hit by a bus, could care less.
Wesley: [chuckles] I know. Exactly.
[during their blind date]
Sean: I’m using my automatic out.
Wesley: I’m sorry, what?
Sean: Remember, “automatic out”, what we spoke about over the phone. If I want to leave, if you want to leave, no harm, no foul? I’m using that right now.
Wesley: Okay, we were riffing. We were having a fun time. Have you never been on a date?
Sean: I mean, come on now. You were dropping marriage, kids, wedding in five seconds flat.
Wesley: Not with us!
Sean: Wesley, you seem like a great girl. The timing’s not right for me.
Wesley: Guess what? The timing isn’t great for me either, Sean. Want to know why? Because I’ve had a year from hell, alright? I’ve had seventeen s**tty job interviews. Twice as many bad dates. Okay, my car was destroyed. I’m on a budget, so I steal food from the kid I babysit, and all of my birds died this year. And my hair is falling out of my head because I blow it out five times a week. And despite my best efforts, I’m still treading water, sitting here on dates with dudes like you, wondering what my life is going to be like.
[after her disastrous date with Sean and meeting Jared]
Wesley: Now I know what my problem is. I’ve been being too myself. Yeah. I discovered the secret to men. Don’t speak. Look, I’m just facing the facts. My personality is an acquired taste.
Kaylie: Hmm. I love the way your personality tastes.
[referring to her book by Angel de la Paz]
Kaylie: Listen, the book says, the universe throws a bunch of darkness your way that you have to suffer through in order to find your true path so that you can appreciate the good things when they come. Like Jared.
Wesley: Thank God. I’m just so relieved. I was starting to think I was cursed.
Brooke: You always think you’re cursed.
[referring to Jared]
Brooke: What do you actually know about this guy?
Wesley: He wants kids. He owns a duvet cover. He liked me with a slight concussion. What more do I want?
Kaylie: What does he know about you?
Wesley: He knows that I’m pretty f***ing sexy when I’m not talking so much.
Brooke: Okay, so you’re going to start off a relationship by pretending to be a completely different person?
[to Wesley during their date]
Jared: I think you may be the perfect girl.
[after Jared doesn’t contact her for a few days]
Wesley: Do you want to know what sucks?
Wesley: Jared’s rejecting me, and he doesn’t even know me.
Kaylie: And there’s still a chance he’s dead.
Wesley: You guys are the best.
[after she’s decided to email Jared]
Wesley: “In case you’re wondering, I’m doing great.”
Brooke: Yeah, you are.
Wesley: “Except for the fact that, five days ago,your p**is entered my v***na, and I haven’t heard from you since.
[continuing to write the email to Jared]
Kaylie: “May you get drunk and get a dumb unicorn tattoo.”
Brooke: “Suck on this, b**ch.”
Wesley: “Here’s a little treat for the woman you’re going to torture next. Your d**k is bad. It’s legit thin.”
Brooke: Eggplant emoji. Eggplant emoji. Eggplant emoji. Eggplant emoji!
Wesley: “Please stop hashtagging all of your Instagrams #photography.”
Wesley: “Everything on Instagram is a photograph. Try hashtag thin d**k.”
Kaylie: “You suck at Instagram. Why don’t you close up shop, d**k?”
Brooke: Wooh! Yeah, you guys! He sucks his own little thin d**k, hard.
Wesley: “There’s an art to going down on a girl.”
Brooke: Wooh! Yes!
[after getting a call from Jared]
Jared: Wes, is that you? It’s Jared. Can you hear me? I have a bad connection. I’m in Mexico.
Wesley: [scoffs] So, what? You’re like calling me from some beach?
Jared: No, I’m in the hospital. Um, I was in a bit of a car accident. I broke my foot, bruised a lung, and fractured a couple of vertebrae.
Jared: Yeah, they had me in a medically induced coma.
Wesley: You were in a coma?
Jared: Wes, thanks for being so cool about me not calling. Most girls would’ve freaked out.
Wesley: You know me. It takes a lot to get me worked up.
Jared: Yeah, I know. That’s what I love about you. You’re so reasonable. You might be the last normal girl left in LA.
Brooke: Oh, I have an idea. We’ll just send him another email. Subject line, “Do not read the last email.”
Wesley: No! What’s wrong with you? Don’t do that! If I got an email saying, “Don’t read the last email,” that is the first thing I would do!
Brooke: F***, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m drunk.
[as Wesley decides to write another email]
Brooke: It’s going to be okay. Just write him something really sweet.
Wesley: “My tender heart. My angel whisperer.”
Brooke: What are you, naming Care Bears?
Brooke: Do you know his password?
Wesley: No, I don’t know his password. We’ve been dating a month.
Brooke: I knew Dave’s by day five. I wouldn’t blow him until he told me.
Wesley: There’s got to be something we could do.
Kaylie: Just tell him you are possessed.
Wesley: Because that makes him want to date me.
Brooke: Tell him you love thin d**ks.
Wesley: But I don’t.
Kaylie: “I have a drinking problem.”
Wesley: None of these things are going to make him want to continue dating me.
Wesley: You guys, I want you to take this really seriously. Would it be insane if I went to Mexico and erased the email?
[at the same time]
Wesley: Come on, guys. It’s one hour of burglary, and two days by the pool. Okay? This is all I have. If Jared reads that email, my life is over.
Brooke: Wesley, stop. Please, just stop. Okay, this pitch is fricking horrible. But I love you, and I do want to see you happy.
Wesley: I love you too. Come on.
Brooke: I can’t believe that I’m going to say this, but let’s go break into some dude’s room.
[to Sean after seeing him in Cabo at their hotel]
Wesley: Oh, what? You think I followed you here like a lunatic because I’m so obsessed with you? No. I followed someone else here like a lunatic, because I’m so obsessed with him.
Brooke: Please tell me you have a plan to find Jared’s room.
Kaylie: She doesn’t have a plan.
Brooke: She never has a plan.
[as Kaylie is helping Brooke pick up a guy at the hotel bar]
Brooke: Oh, I’m sorry. You thought that I was trying to pick you up?
Mandals: I’m sorry, what else are we doing here?
Brooke: I’m sorry. It’s just, you’re wearing man-sandals and like five million bracelets.
Goatee: I told you just to pick one bracelet.
Mandals: I can’t pick just one bracelet. They’re all f***ing cool.
Brooke: Should’ve picked one.
Brooke: Yeah, I don’t want to just like have sex with anybody, okay? I mean, I haven’t even broken the seal in like a year.
Kaylie: Woh, you haven’t had sex in a year?
Brooke: What am I supposed to do, Kaylie? I mean, do I divorce Dave? Or do I forgive him? Is murder on the table?
Kaylie: You should come see Angel de la Paz with me.
Brooke: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Kaylie: Five minutes, you’ll get clarity, and I’ll get a baby.
Brooke: Wait, they give you a baby in five minutes?
Kaylie: Yes. It’s a very quick gestation period.
[as Wesley turns up at the bar with a large pillow covering her nakedness]
Brooke: What is happening?
Wesley: My boyfriend’s not imaginary.
Sean: So he’s a ghost?
Wesley: Well, almost. You’re going to give me so much s**t for this. I sent Jared a really mean email because I thought he had ghosted me. I didn’t hear from him for a few days, and it turns out he had not ghosted me, but was in a coma, here.
Sean: So you’re here to like apologize, or something like that, or…
Wesley: Well, I came here to break into his room and delete the email.
Sean: [chuckles] Oh, boy!
[referring to the dolphin] [as they are being thrown out of the hotel] [after they go to another cheaper looking hotel] [after Brooke and Kaylie refuse to help Wesley with breaking into Jared’s hotel room] [after Wesley is caught trying to break into Jared’s room and is jailed] [after Wesley is freed from jail with Sean’s help] Sean: So what’s up with this dude? What makes him so, I don’t know, worth all the trouble? You know? Wesley: I mean, very first time we were together, sorry, f***ing, he lit candles, he had like rose petals going. [after Sean’s admitted Wesley was his first and only date after his wife’s death] [after Jared calls Wesley to meet her at the airport] Angel de la Paz: Welcome to the heart sanctuary. [referring to Sean’s dead wife] [to Sean as they are following Jared’s luggage to the airport] Wesley: Want to hear something crazy? I used to be in corporate finance. [to the meditation group after Angel has told her she can’t help her get pregnant] [as Sean and Wesley are getting to know each other whilst going after Jared’s luggage] Brooke: Oh, my God. Everything is so clear to me now. I’m going to leave Dave. Kaylie: Kind of feels weird talking about all this stuff without Wesley here. [after Sean suggests Wesley should let Jared read the email] [referring to Jared] [after Wesley let’s Jared read her email] Jared: You’ve just been pretending to be somebody else? [to the airhostess; referring to Wesley] Wesley: Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been a little wrapped up in Jared. Brooke: You think your problems are worse. [after Wesley finds a job as a school guidance counselor due to Sean’s recommendation] [as she’s apologizing to Kaylie and Brooke] [after Wesley inadvertently interrupts Sean on a blind date; referring to Wesley’s new job] Wesley: Listen, I want to say something, and I know this is weird, because you’re very much on a date right now, but I like you. I know I was hung up on Jared, but that’s not my guy. And I feel like I’m myself around you. What if we gave it a shot? Sean: [to Wesley] What we had in Mexico was real. You would be more than just a date. You see, you deserve somebody that’s going to sweep you off your feet. Am I able to be that person again? I want to say that I am, but honestly, I just don’t know. [after Sean follows Wesley out of the restaurant] Sean: Wesley Darya, will you marry me? [last lines; over the phone as she walks past Sean and Wesley on the street]
Wesley: He’s hugging me!
Sean: No, no, no! My dog hugged my leg too. But for a whole different reason.
Quintano: You broke into one of my rooms, you ran naked through my restaurant, and you brought a dolphin to climax.
Wesley: Okay, none of those were my fault. And you should not blame the victim.
Kaylie: The energy of this place is a little scary. It’s kind of like the universe is sending us a sign.
Brooke: Yes. It’s saying, “Get the f*** out!”
Wesley: Guys, we didn’t come this far to only come this far. We got to get that bag, and we have to delete that email. I am begging you. This is what friends do for each other. You know? Think of all the times I’ve been there for you.
Brooke: You are way above this emotional blackmail.
Wesley: I don’t think I am.
Wesley: Thanks for nothing, guys. I will remember this betrayal when I pick your bridesmaids dresses. They will be hideous, and very expensive.
Brooke: I will still look amazing in that dress.
Wesley: You’re going to look like s**t in this dress.
Wesley: I swear to God, when I get out, I’m going to take this to social media!
Brooke: Can you look around at where you are right now? I mean, you’re in a Mexican jail.
Wesley: What do you want me to do? Dwell on that, or rise above it?
Kaylie: Dwell on it. Take it in. This is something you need to process, at the very least for our sanity.
Brooke: Yeah. You are in a relationship where you have to lie and pretend all the time. Is that something that you really want?
Wesley: Fine. I don’t need you guys, okay? I can do this by myself. Sean, help me.
Wesley: I don’t know. He’s like the opposite of a flaky LA dude. He has a job. He has a house. He’s not friends with people who DJ.
Sean: Oh. So it’s a safe bet.
Wesley: No, no, no. I’m obviously not describing him right. He’s very hot.
[pause as Sean waits to hear more]
Sean: Oh, you’re done. Oh. So he’s hot and safe. That’s good.
Sean: He didn’t even get imaginative.
Wesley: It’s called being romantic, Sean. Read any book, or watch any movie.
Sean: Candles and flowers. Wow. Sounds like a Bachelorette episode.
Sean: I was trying to get back out there, right? Maybe I moved a little bit too fast. I forced myself to do my thing, and then you came along, and it just got a little bit too real for me, so.
Wesley: Yes. Exactly. I’m too real too much of the time. Even my email to Jared is too real. It’s too early in our story to be that real.
Sean: Uh, take it from me, Wes. You’re always later in your story than you think.
Wesley: He just called me his girlfriend! Did you hear that?
Sean: [mockingly] Shut up. Now this is a big deal for you.
Wesley: It is.
Sean: This means so much. Now you get to tell the kids how mommy stalked daddy all the way to Mexico like a bounty hunter.
Kaylie: Let’s go.
Brooke: Since when is she a chick?
Kaylie: I never said Angel was a man.
Brooke: Well, forgive me for assuming that a scam artist hippie sociopath wouldn’t be a woman.
Wesley: Was she funny?
Sean: Oh, yeah. That was our favorite thing to do, was laugh. And honestly, that’s one of the things that I miss most about her, is having someone just give a little nudge, and say, “You see what this jackass is doing?”
Wesley: Oh, my God. Yes. The dinner party glance.
Wesley: When you both clock something insane is happening, and you know you get to talk about it on the drive home. That’s my favorite.
Sean: Yeah, me too.
Wesley: I know you’re wondering if this is a good idea, and the answer is, “Please shut up.”
Sean: That’s very weird.
Sean: Very weird fit.
Wesley: Not for me. But eventually, I followed my passion, and that’s not really working out either. I don’t know what to do.
Sean: Come on, now, Wes. Eventually you’ll find that one place that appreciates you for you.
Wesley: Yeah, if that place even exists.
Sean: Don’t worry so much, Wes. The world will catch up to you.
Kaylie: A little background. Kaylie. Came here from Los Angeles. My dreams were crushed today, so I’m feeling a little tender. I’m going to be hosting a class by the aqueduct tomorrow morning called, “Losers never win, you can eat s**t all day, and it’s not ever going to taste any better.”
Sean: But, you know, got to get back out there. At least, that’s what my friends say. They’re all worried about me, so that’s why I’m here.
Wesley: What do you think?
Sean: I think I’m doing the best I can.
Kaylie: I never liked him for you.
Kaylie: Yeah. He couldn’t keep up with you, and so he resented you for it, and tried to drag you down. But that’s not what the person you’re with is supposed to do. They’re supposed to build you up.
Brooke: Why did you never say anything?
Kaylie: Because it’s your thing to discover.
Brooke: Yeah, well, if Wesley were here, we wouldn’t be talking about our stuff.
Kaylie: God, that’s sad.
Brooke: But true.
Sean: Look, he’s got to like all sides of you. You don’t want to pop up with a little bit of crazy one day, and then, “Surprise! He’s out.”
Wesley: Look, I know you think this guy doesn’t know me very well, but just so you know, he knows he knows my essence.
Sean: Oh, he knows your essence? Cool, cool, cool.
Wesley: He has mentioned that he likes that I’m the last normal girl in LA.
Sean: Look, Wes, you are a lot of things, but normal definitely is not one of them.
Wesley: Normal’s not one of them.
Wesley: That’s very accurate.
Sean: If you ask me, maybe you should be with someone who loves that about you.
Wesley: I don’t even know if I love that about me.
Wesley: I want us to be real. You know, like both let our mustaches grow out.
Jared: Our mustaches?
Wesley: I have a mustache. This is the kind of thing I’m talking about. Like you don’t know that. But you should know, if I don’t take care of it, I, too can grow a mustache. The point is, the Band-Aid’s been ripped off now, and I just want to be real with you. The good and the bad. We don’t have to pretend anymore. We don’t have to pretend to be perfect.
Wesley: Don’t you want to just get to know the real me?
Jared: No. I want that girl. This girl’s crazy.
Jared: Is there another seat open that this stranger could sit in? Maybe surrounded by a bunch of other liars?
Brooke: A little? Did she just say “a little”?
Kaylie: Wes, you’ve been obsessed to the point of blindness.
Wesley: I know.
Brooke: Wesley, I’m getting a divorce, and Kaylie is adopting a baby.
Wesley: What? When did this happen? We were apart for six hours!
Brooke: That’s all the time that it took because you weren’t there, sucking up all of the energy in the room, and we had time to think.
Wesley: They are worse. I am failing on every level!
Brooke: And you are the reason why.
Wesley: You think I don’t know that? I live it every day, okay? I am alone. I have no one.
Kaylie: How can you say that?!
Wesley: Because it’s true!
Kaylie: You have two best friends who love you unconditionally. We just flew to f***ing Mexico to make your world work! How is that not enough for you?
Wesley: Because it just isn’t.
Eden: My friends are just jealous that I have a boyfriend and they don’t.
Wesley: Do you want to know something about love? It can be f***ed up! Don’t tell anyone I said “f***”. Yeah, I followed a dude to Mexico. I got arrested, and electrocuted, and I’m currently not with this person. But your friends? They’re the ones who can help keep your head on straight. Because they know you, they’re looking out for you. Trust me, boyfriends come and go, but if you’re lucky enough to have great friends, I would hold on to that.
Wesley: I’m flawed, and I’m complicated, and maybe even a little broken, but you guys love me without judgment. I think I just felt like I was falling behind, and if only I got my dude, I’d be okay. But…
Kaylie: I get that.
Brooke: I get that.
Wesley: I don’t need a dude to be okay. And that has to do with the two of you.
Sean: But look, it’s not a big deal. People come to me asking for guidance counselor recommendations all the time.
Wesley: Oh, they do?
Sean: Well, guidance counselors, drug dealers. Just those two.
Wesley: Well, thanks for recommending me for the first one.
Sean: Yes, I did.
Wesley: I will try to not get fired.
Sean: But if you do, you can be always be drug dealer.
Sean: I like you too. I…
Sean: Wes, I don’t think I’m, I don’t think I’m there.
Wesley: You’re literally on a date right now.
Sean: Look, I wasn’t supposed to meet somebody so fast. You know, I was just getting my feet wet.
Wesley: Oh, my God. You don’t need to say that. Honestly, it’s fine. I’m fine.
Sean: That’s the thing, Wes. I’m not okay with just being fine. I want more than that. I want to be crashed out on the side of the road, yelling at a b**ch-a** goat with you. I want to watch you dancing, you know? Like you have nerve damage. Wes, you are messy, and complicated, and so perfectly you. And I haven’t felt like this in a long time, and I don’t want it to end.
Wesley: Me neither, Sean.
Sean: No, I don’t want to marry you, but I would like to date you.
Wesley: Why do you think I’m here? I’ve been thinking about you ever…
[Sean kisses her]
Ellen: Hey. Yeah, no, the blind date’s not going good. Because he’s kissing another girl on the street. I’m serious. Why does this keep happening to me?
[referring to the dolphin]
[as they are being thrown out of the hotel]
[after they go to another cheaper looking hotel]
[after Brooke and Kaylie refuse to help Wesley with breaking into Jared’s hotel room]
[after Wesley is caught trying to break into Jared’s room and is jailed]
[after Wesley is freed from jail with Sean’s help]
Sean: So what’s up with this dude? What makes him so, I don’t know, worth all the trouble? You know?
Wesley: I mean, very first time we were together, sorry, f***ing, he lit candles, he had like rose petals going.
[after Sean’s admitted Wesley was his first and only date after his wife’s death]
[after Jared calls Wesley to meet her at the airport]
Angel de la Paz: Welcome to the heart sanctuary.
[referring to Sean’s dead wife]
[to Sean as they are following Jared’s luggage to the airport]
Wesley: Want to hear something crazy? I used to be in corporate finance.
[to the meditation group after Angel has told her she can’t help her get pregnant]
[as Sean and Wesley are getting to know each other whilst going after Jared’s luggage]
Brooke: Oh, my God. Everything is so clear to me now. I’m going to leave Dave.
Kaylie: Kind of feels weird talking about all this stuff without Wesley here.
[after Sean suggests Wesley should let Jared read the email]
[referring to Jared]
[after Wesley let’s Jared read her email]
Jared: You’ve just been pretending to be somebody else?
[to the airhostess; referring to Wesley]
Wesley: Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been a little wrapped up in Jared.
Brooke: You think your problems are worse.
[after Wesley finds a job as a school guidance counselor due to Sean’s recommendation]
[as she’s apologizing to Kaylie and Brooke]
[after Wesley inadvertently interrupts Sean on a blind date; referring to Wesley’s new job]
Wesley: Listen, I want to say something, and I know this is weird, because you’re very much on a date right now, but I like you. I know I was hung up on Jared, but that’s not my guy. And I feel like I’m myself around you. What if we gave it a shot?
Sean: [to Wesley] What we had in Mexico was real. You would be more than just a date. You see, you deserve somebody that’s going to sweep you off your feet. Am I able to be that person again? I want to say that I am, but honestly, I just don’t know.
[after Sean follows Wesley out of the restaurant]
Sean: Wesley Darya, will you marry me?
[last lines; over the phone as she walks past Sean and Wesley on the street]
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