Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, Walton Goggins, Dennis Christopher, James Remar, David Steen, Don Johnson, Russ Tamblyn, Amber Tamblyn, Jonah Hill, Escalante Lundy, Bruce Dern, M.C. Gainey
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Western written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. Django Unchained (2012) follows Django (Jamie Foxx), a slave who finds himself freed by an unorthodox German bounty hunter named Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz). Together they hunt the South’s most-wanted criminals. Their travels take them to the infamous plantation of shady Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio), where Django’s long-lost wife (Kerry Washington) is still a slave and Django wants to free.
'Don't get so carried away with your retribution, you lose sight of why we're here.' - Dr. King Schultz (Django Unchained) Click To Tweet
Our Favorite Quotes:
Dr. King Schultz: [1858 – two years before the Civil War] I wish to parley with you.
Ace Speck: Speak English.
Dr. King Schultz: Oh, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. It is a second language. Now, amongst your inventory, I’ve been led to believe, is a specimen I’m keen to acquire.
Dr. King Schultz: Hello, you poor devils! Is there one amongst you who was formerly a resident of the Carrucan Plantation?
Django: I’m from the Carrucan Plantation.
Dr. King Schultz: Who said that? What’s your name?
Dr. King Schultz: Then you are exactly the one I’m looking for.
Ace Speck: Speak English, goddamn it.
Dr. King Schultz: Everybody calm down. I’m simply a customer trying to conduct a transaction.
Ace Speck: I don’t care. No sale. Now, off with you.
Dr. King Schultz: Don’t be ridiculous. Of course they’re for sale.
Ace Speck: Move it.
Dr. King Schultz: My good man, did you simply get carried away with your dramatic gesture or are you pointing your weapon at me with lethal intention?
Ace Speck: Last chance, fancy pants.
Dr. King Schultz: Oh, very well.
[Schultz suddenly shoots Ace in the face and then shoots Dicky’s horse, making it land on Dicky]
Dr. King Schultz: I’m sorry to put a bullet in your beast, but I didn’t want you to do anything rash before you had a moment to come to your senses.
Dicky Speck: You goddamn son of a b**ch! You shot Roscoe!
Dr. King Schultz: Well…
Dicky Speck: And you killed Ace!
Dr. King Schultz: I only shot your brother once he threatened to shoot me. And I do believe I have, one, two, three, four, five witnesses who can attest to that fact.
Dicky Speck: Damn leg’s busted!
Dr. King Schultz: No doubt. Now, uh, if you could keep your caterwauling down to a minimum, I’d like to finish my line of inquiry with young Django.
Dr. King Schultz: Now, as to you poor devils. So, as I see it, when it comes to the subject of what to do next, you gentlemen have two choices. One, once I’m gone, you could lift that beast off the remaining Speck, then carry him to the nearest town. Which would be at least thirty-seven miles back the way you came. Or, two, you could unshackle yourselves, take that rifle, put a bullet in his head, bury the two of them deep, and then make your way to a more enlightened area of this country. Choice is yours. Oh, and on the off chance there are any astronomy aficionados amongst you, the North Star is that one. Ta-ta.
[he points to the star in the sky]
Dicky Speck: You got to be reasonable in a situation like this! I’m not a bad guy. I’m just doing my job! Blueberry, didn’t I give you my last apple? Tell you what, boy. Take me to the doc in El Paso, I’ll get you your freedom. No. No, please!
[the slave shoots Dicky’s head off]
Dr. King Schultz: What’s everybody staring at?
Django: They ain’t never seen no n***** on a horse before.
Django: What kind of dentist are you?
Dr. King Schultz: Despite that cart, I haven’t practiced dentistry in five years. But these days, I practice a new profession. Bounty Hunter. Do you know what a Bounty Hunter is?
Dr. King Schultz: Well, the way the slave trade deals in human lives for cash, a bounty hunter deals in corpses.
Dr. King Schultz: The state places a bounty on a man’s head. I track that man, I find that man, I kill that man. After I’ve killed him, I transport that man’s corpse back to the authorities. Sometimes that’s easier said than done. I show that corpse to the authorities, proving yes, indeed, I truly have killed him. At which point the authorities pay me the bounty. So, like slavery, it’s a flesh for cash business.
Django: What’s a bounty?
Dr. King Schultz: It’s like a reward.
Django: You kill people and they give you a reward?
Dr. King Schultz: Certain people, yeah.
Django: Bad people?
Dr. King Schultz: Ah! Badder they are, bigger the reward.
Dr. King Schultz: I must admit, I’m at a bit of a quandary when it comes to you. On one hand, I despise slavery. On the other hand, I need your help. If you’re not in a position to refuse, all the better. So, for the time being, I’m going to make this slavery malarkey work to my benefit. Still, having said that, I feel guilty. So, I would like the two of us to enter into an agreement. I’m looking for the Brittle Brothers. However, at this endeavor, I’m at a slight disadvantage, in so far as, I don’t know what they look like. But you do, don’t you?
Django: I know what they look like alright.
Dr. King Schultz: Good. So, here’s my agreement. You travel with me until we find them.
Dr. King Schultz: Do I have your word as a lawman not to shoot me down like a dog in the street?
U.S. Marshall Gill Tatum: Well, much as we’d all enjoy seeing something like that, ain’t nobody going to cheat the hangman in my town.
Dr. King Schultz: Fair enough, Marshal. Here we come!
Dr. King Schultz: My name is Dr. King Schultz. Like yourself, Marshal, I’m a servant of the court. The man lying dead in the dirt, who the good people of Daughtrey saw fit to elect as their Sheriff, who went by the name of Bill Sharp, is actually a wanted outlaw by the name of Willard Peck, with a price on his head of two hundred dollars. Now that’s two hundred dollars, dead or alive.
U.S. Marshall Gill Tatum: The hell, you say!
Dr. King Schultz: I’m aware this is probably disconcerting news. But I’m willing to wager this man was elected Sheriff sometime in the past two years?
U.S. Marshall Gill Tatum: Yeah.
Dr. King Schultz: I know this because, three years ago he was rustling cattle from the BC Corrigan Cattle Company of Lubbock, Texas. Now, this is a warrant made out by Circuit Court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin, Texas. You’re encouraged to wire him. He’ll back up who I am and who your dear departed Sheriff was In other words, Marshal, you owe me two hundred dollars.
Django: I’ll be damned.
Dr. King Schultz: After this Brittle business is behind us, you’ll be a free man, with a horse, seventy-five dollars in your back pocket. What’s your plan after that?
Django: Find my wife, and buy her freedom.
Dr. King Schultz: Django, I had no idea you were a married man. Do most slaves believe in marriage?
Django: Oh, me and my wife do. Old Man Carrucan didn’t. That’s why we run off.
Dr. King Schultz: Wait, let me get this straight. Your slave wife speaks German, and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft?
Dr. King Schultz: And your character is that of The Valet.
Django: What that is?
Dr. King Schultz: That’s a fancy word for servant.
Dr. King Schultz: And now, Django, you may choose your character’s costume.
Django: Youse going to let me pick out my own clothes?
Dr. King Schultz: But of course.
Dr. King Schultz: My good, sir, perhaps we got off on the wrong boot. Allow me to unring this bell. My name is Dr. King Schultz. This is my valet, Django, and these are our horses, Tony and Fritz. Mr. Bennett, I’ve been led to believe that you are a gentleman and a businessman. And it is for these attributes we’ve ridden from Texas to Tennessee to parley with you now.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Well, what if I was to say I don’t like you, or your fancy-pants n*****? And I wouldn’t sell you a tinkers damn. Now what you got to say about that?
Dr. King Schultz: Mr. Bennett, if you are the businessman I’ve been led to believe you to be, I have five thousand things I might say that could change your mind.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Well, come on inside and get yourself something cool to drink.
'Normally I would say “auf wiedersehen”. But since what “auf wiedersehen” actually means is “till I see you again”, and since I never wish to see you again, to you, sir, I say goodbye.' - Dr. King Schultz (Django Unchained) Click To Tweet
Betina: So you really free?
Django: Yes, I’s free.
Betina: You mean you want to dress like that?
Django: [flashback] On my knees, I’m asking you this, please. Ain’t this what you want? I’m keeping it funny for you. Now, John, please. I is on my knees, John.
Big John Brittle: I like the way you beg, boy.
Django: John Brittle! You remember me?
Django: [shoots Brittle in the heart] I like the way you die, boy.
Dr. King Schultz: [referring to Ellis] You sure that’s him?
Dr. King Schultz: Positive?
Django: I don’t know.
Dr. King Schultz: You don’t know if you’re positive?
Django: I don’t know what “positive” mean.
Dr. King Schultz: It means you’re sure.
Dr. King Schultz: Yes, what?
Django: Yes, I’m sure that’s Ellis Brittle.
Django: [suddenly Schultz shoots Ellis] I’m positive he dead.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Who are you two jokers?
Dr. King Schultz: I am Dr. King Schultz, a legal representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America. The man to my left is Django Freeman, he’s my deputy. In my pocket is a warrant, signed by Circuit Court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin, Texas, for the arrest and capture, dead or alive, of John Brittle, Roger Brittle and Ellis Brittle.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: [as they’re going after Schultz and Django] Now, unless they start shooting first, nobody shoot them. That’s way too simple for these jokers. We’re going to whup that n***** lover to death. And I’m going to personally strip and clip that garboon myself.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: [puts the mask over his head] Damn, I can’t see f***ing s**t out of this thing.
Bag Head #1: We ready or what?
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Hold on. I’m f***ing with my eye holes.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: [as he rips the material around his eye hole] Oh. Oh, s**t. I just made it worse.
Tennessee Redfish: [referring to the mask] Who made this goddamn s**t?
O.B.: Willard’s wife.
Willard: Well, make your own goddamn masks!
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Look, nobody’s saying they don’t appreciate what Jenny did.
Tennessee Redfish: Well, if all I had to do was cut a hole in a bag, I could’ve cut it better than this!
O.B.: What about you, Robert? Can you see?
Robert: Not too good. I mean, if I don’t move my head I can see you pretty good, more or less. But when I start riding, the bag’s moving all over, and I’m riding blind.
Bag Head #2: [as he rips his mask eye hole] S**t. I just made mine worse. Anybody bring any extra bags?
Bag Head #3: No, nobody brought an extra bag!
Bag Head #2: I’m just asking.
O.B.: Do we have to wear them when we ride?
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Oh, well, s**tfire! If you don’t wear them as you ride up, that just defeats the purpose!
Tennessee Redfish: Well, I can’t see in this f***ing thing! I can’t breathe in this f***ing thing, and I can’t ride in this f***ing thing!
Willard: Well, f*** all y’all! I’m going home! Now, I watched my wife work all day getting thirty bags together for you ungrateful sons-a-b**ches, and all I can hear is criticize, criticize, criticize! From now on, don’t ask me or mine for nothing!
Bag Head #2: Okay, I’m confused. Are the bags on or off?
Robert: I think we all think the bag was a nice idea. But, not pointing any fingers, they could’ ve been done better. So how about no bags this time, but next time we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia.
Tennessee Redfish: You get my vote, Robert.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: [as everyone takes off their mask] Wait a minute! I didn’t say no bags.
Bag Head #2: But nobody can see.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: So?
Bag Head #2: So it’d be nice to see.
Spencer ‘Big Daddy’ Bennett: Goddamn it! This is a raid! I can’t see, you can’t see! So what? All that matters is can the f***ing horse see! That’s a raid!
Dr. King Schultz: Well, Broomhilda was a princess. She was a daughter of Wotan, God of all Gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her.
Django: What she do?
Dr. King Schultz: I can’t exactly remember. She disobeys him in some way. So he puts her on top of the mountain.
Django: Broomhilda’s on a mountain?
Dr. King Schultz: It’s a German legend, there’s always going to be a mountain in there somewhere.
Dr. King Schultz: [as continues telling the story of the legend] And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her.
Django: Does a fella arise?
Dr. King Schultz: Yes, Django, as a matter of fact, he does. A fella named, Siegfried.
Django: Does Siegfried save her?
Dr. King Schultz: Quite spectacularly so. He scales the mountain, because he’s not afraid of it. He slays the dragon, because he’s not afraid of him. And he walks through hellfire, because Broomhilda’s worth it.
Django: I know how he feel.
Dr. King Schultz: I think I’m just starting to realize that.
Dr. King Schultz: Now, look, Django, I don’t doubt that one day you’ll save your lady love. But I can’t let you go to Greenville in a good conscience. A slave auction town in Mississippi isn’t the place for you to visit. Free or not, it’s just too dangerous. But let me ask you a question. How do you like the bounty hunting business?
Django: Kill white folks, and they pay you for it? What’s not to like?
Dr. King Schultz: Now, I have to admit, we make a good team.
Dr. King Schultz: How would you like to partner up for the winter?
Django: What you mean, “partner up”?
Dr. King Schultz: You work with me through the winter till the snow melts, I give you a third of my bounties. So we make some money this winter, and when the snow melts, I’ll take you to Greenville myself, and we’ll find where they sent your wife.
Django: Why you care what happen to me? Why you care if I find my wife?
Dr. King Schultz: Frankly, I’ve never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. Plus, when a German meets a real life Siegfried, that’s kind of a big deal. As a German, I’m obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda.
Dr. King Schultz: [as Django hesitates to shoot a man on the farm] Ooh, what happened to Mr. I Want to Shoot White Folks For Money?
Django: His son’s with him.
Dr. King Schultz: Well, good. He’ll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That’s better than most of them get, damn sight better than he deserves. Put down the rifle. Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.
Dr. King Schultz: [points to the picture on the bill] That is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at twenty-two, they would never have printed that. But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn’t mind killing people to do it. Do you want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people and sell their corpses for cash. This corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now quit your pussyfooting and shoot him.
Smitty Bacall’s Son: [as Django shoots Bacall] Pa? Pa!
Dr. King Schultz: Here. You need to keep this Smitty Bacall handbill.
Dr. King Schultz: It’s good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty.
Dr. King Schultz: [as Django shoots a hole in a bottle] That’s accurate.
Dr. King Schultz: Oh, so you’ve heard of it.
Django: Ain’t no slave ain’t heard of Candyland.
Dr. King Schultz: Well, apparently, that’s where your wife is, and that’s the repellent gentleman who owns her. Let’s just hope she works in the house, not in the field.
Django: Oh, no, she ain’t no field n*****. She pretty. And she talk good too. But when they tore her back up and then they burned that runaway R on her cheek, they goddamned her. She ain’t no field n*****, but she ain’t good enough for the house no more either. They going to try to make her a comfort girl.
Dr. King Schultz: What’s a comfort…? Oh.
Django: Not while I got freedom. Not while I got my gun.
Django: So do we offer to buy her?
Dr. King Schultz: So, say a man wants to buy a horse, needs to buy a horse. He walks up to the farmer’s farm, and he knocks on the farmer’s door and asks the farmer to buy his horse. And do you know what the farmer says? The farmer says no.
Django: Well, I say f*** that farmer, and I’m stealing that horse.
Dr. King Schultz: Fair enough, but now you’re a horse thief, and they hang horse thieves. Not to mention the horse goes back to its original owner because the horse is still his property. We need her, and we need a bill of sale.
Django: Well, if we ain’t going to try to buy her, then how we going to get her?
Dr. King Schultz: May I offer an alternative plan of action?
Django: Go ahead.
Dr. King Schultz: So, the man walks up to the farmer’s farm, he knocks on the farmer’s door and asks not to buy the horse, but the farm. And makes an offer so ridiculous, the farmer is forced to say yes.
Django: We going to offer to buy Candyland?
Dr. King Schultz: No, it’s far too big. But apparently this farmer ain’t all about the farm.
Dr. King Schultz: Can you convincingly masquerade as someone who is an expert on Mandingo fighting?
Dr. King Schultz: Because my character is that of a big money buyer from Dusseldorf, here in Greenville to buy my way into the Mandingo fight game. And your character is a Mandingo expert I hired to help me do it.
Django: They call that One-Eyed Charley.
Dr. King Schultz: How long have you been associated with Mr. Candie?
Leonide Moguy: Oh, Calvings father and I were about eleven when we went to boarding school together. Calvings father’s father put me through law school. One could almost say I was raised to be Calvings lawyer.
Django: One could almost say youse a n*****.
Leonide Moguy: What did you say?
Django: I said…
Dr. King Schultz: Oh, nothing, he’s just being cheeky.
Dr. King Schultz: Anything else about Mr. Candie that I should know before I meet him?
Leonide Moguy: Yes, he is a bit of a Francophile.
Dr. King Schultz: What civilized people aren’t?
Leonide Moguy: And he prefers Monsieur Candie to Mr. Candie.
Dr. King Schultz: [in French] Whatever he prefers.
Leonide Moguy: He doesn’t speak French. Don’t speak French to him, it’ll embarrass him.
Calvin Candie: Why do you want to get in the Mandingo business?
Dr. King Schultz: You don’t intend to allow your second to make the proper introductions?
Calvin Candie: Quit stalling, now. Answer the question.
Dr. King Schultz: The awful truth? I’m bored. This seems like a good bit of fun.
Calvin Candie: Well, come on over. We got us a fight going on that’s a good bit of fun.
Django: You don’t wear a hat in the house, white man. Even I know that.
Dr. King Schultz: What a rare pleasure.
Calvin Candie: [to the Mandingo fighters] Keep fighting, n*****s.
Dr. King Schultz: And I might add, an honor.
Calvin Candie: Honor to meet you. Please have a seat, the pleasure’s all mine.
Amerigo Vessepi: What’s your name?
Amerigo Vessepi: Can you spell it?
Django: D-J-A-N-G-O. The D is silent.
Amerigo Vessepi: I know.
Dr. King Schultz: A fortuitous turn of events brought Django and myself together.
Calvin Candie: I’ve heard tell about you. I heard you been telling everybody them Mandingos ain’t no damn good, ain’t nothing nobody is selling is worth buying. I’m curious, what makes you such a Mandingo expert?
Django: I’m curious, what makes you so curious?
Butch Pooch: What did you say, boy?
Calvin Candie: Calm down, Butch. No offense given, none taken.
Calvin Candie: [referring to Django] Doc, I am a seasoned slaver. You are, well, you are a neophyte. I’m simply trying to ascertain if this cowboy here is taking advantage of you.
Dr. King Schultz: With all due respect, Monsieur Candie, I didn’t seek you out for your advice. I sought you out to purchase a fighting n***** at above top-dollar market price. Now I was under the impression, when you granted me an audience, it would be to discuss business.
Calvin Candie: Well, we weren’t talking business yet. We were discussing my curiosity.
Calvin Candie: [referring to Django] Now, according to Moguy, if I do business with you, I’m doing business with both y’all. He does the eyeballing, you the billfold? Is that it?
Dr. King Schultz: Well, you don’t make it sound too flattering. But more or less, yeah.
Calvin Candie: So, Bright Boy, Moguy tells me you looked over my African flesh and you was none too impressed, huh?
Django: Not for top dollar.
Calvin Candie: Well, then, we got nothing more to talk about. You see, you want to buy a beat-a** n***** from me, those are the beat-a** n*****s I want to sell, so.
Django: He don’t want to buy the n*****s you want to sell. He wants the n***** you don’t want to sell.
Calvin Candie: Well, I don’t sell the n*****s I don’t want to sell.
Dr. King Schultz: Well, you won’t sell your best. You won’t even sell your second best. But your third best, you don’t want to sell him either? But if I made you an offer so ridiculous you’d be forced to consider it, who knows what could happen?
Calvin Candie: And what do you consider ridiculous?
Dr. King Schultz: For a truly talented specimen, the right n*****? How much would you say, Django?
Django: Twelve thousand dollars.
Calvin Candie: Gentlemen, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.
Calvin Candie: Where I part company from many of my phrenologist colleagues is I believe there is a level above bright, above talented, above loyal that a n***** can aspire to. Say, one n***** that just pops up in ten thousand, the exceptional n*****.
Calvin Candie: But I do believe that given time, exceptional n*****s, like Bright Boy here, become if not frequent, more frequent. Bright Boy, you are that one in ten thousand.
Billy Crash: Oh, now you are one lucky n*****.
Django: You better listen to your boss, white boy.
Billy Crash: Oh, I’m going to go walking in the moonlight with you.
Django: You want to hold my hand?
Django: You got a problem with your eyeball, boy?
Rodney: No, sir.
Django: You want a boot heel in it?
Rodney: No, sir.
Django: Then you keep your goddamn eyeballs off me. You flash that bad look at me again, I’ll give you a reason not to like me.
Django: You n*****s are going to understand something about me, I’m worse than any of these white men here. You get the molasses out your a**, you keep your goddamn eyeballs off me.
Calvin Candie: [referring to Django] He is a rambunctious sort, ain’t he?
Dr. King Schultz: Indeed.
Dr. King Schultz: I confirmed that Broomhilda’s at Candyland.
Django: You’re sure it’s her?
Dr. King Schultz: He didn’t call her by name, but she’s a young lady, whip marks on her back and speaks German. Now, while it’s not wise to assume, in this instance, I think it’s pretty safe. Point being, don’t get so carried away with your retribution, you lose sight of why we’re here.
Django: You think I lost sight of that?
Dr. King Schultz: Yes, I do. Stop antagonizing Candie. You’re going to blow this whole charade, or more than likely get us both killed. And I, for one, don’t intend to die in Chickasaw County, Mississippi, USA.
Django: I’m not antagonizing him. I’m intriguing him.
Dr. King Schultz: You’re yelling abuse at these poor slaves.
Django: I recall the man who had me kill another man in front of his son, and he didn’t bat an eye. You remember that?
Dr. King Schultz: Yeah, of course I remember.
Django: What you said was that this is my world, and in my world you got to get dirty. So that’s what I’m doing, I’m getting dirty.
Dr. King Schultz: Well, you’re paraphrasing a tad, but that was the general gist.
Calvin Candie: You in trouble now, son.
D’Artagnan: Yes, sir.
Calvin Candie: I done, I done paid five hundred dollars for you. When I pay five hundred dollars, then I expect to get five fights out of a n***** before he roll over and play dead.
D’Artagnan: Yes, sir.
Calvin Candie: You got to understand that I’m running a business here. You fought three fights.
D’Artagnan: But I won every one.
Calvin Candie: Yes, you did. Yes, you did. But that last one, you muddled the line between winning and losing.
D’Artagnan: Yes, sir.
Calvin Candie: Still, the fact remains, I paid five hundred dollars, I want five goddamn fights! So what about my five hundred dollars, huh? What about my five hundred dollars? You going to reimburse me? You even know what reimburse means? Huh?
Dr. King Schultz: I’ll reimburse you!
Calvin Candie: Your boss looks a little green around the gills for a blood sport like n***** fighting.
Django: No, he just ain’t used to seeing a man ripped apart by dogs is all.
Calvin Candie: You are used to it?
Django: I’m just a little more used to Americans than he is. Now, Monsieur Candie, whenever you’re ready. We rode five hours so you could show off your stock. Let’s get to it. Because as of now, if he’s an example, I ain’t impressed.
Calvin Candie: Follow me.
Calvin Candie: Hello! Stephen, my boy!
Stephen: [referring to Django] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, my a**. Who this n***** up on that nag?
Calvin Candie: Oh, Stephen, you have nails for breakfast? What’s the matter? Why you so ornery? You miss me, huh?
Stephen: Oh, yes, sir. I miss you like a hog miss slop! Like a baby miss mammy’s titty. I miss you like I misses a rock in my shoe.
Django: Hey, Snowball. Want to know my name, or the name of my horse, you ask me.
Stephen: Just who the hell you calling Snowball, horse boy? I’ll snatch your black a** off that nag there and in the mud so fast…
Calvin Candie: Woh, woh, woh! Stephen, Stephen, Stephen. Let’s keep it funny. Django here’s a Freeman.
Stephen: This n***** here?
Calvin Candie: That n***** there. Let me at least introduce the two of you. Django, this is another cheeky black bugger like yourself, Stephen. Stephen, this here’s Django. You two ought to hate each other.
Stephen: Calvin, just who the hell is this n***** you feels the need to entertain?
Calvin Candie: Django and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old decrepit b****rd, ought to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
Stephen: Yes, sir. Him I understand. But I don’t know why I got to take lip off this n*****.
Calvin Candie: You don’t have to know why. Do you understand?
Stephen: Yes, sir. I understand.
Stephen: [referring to Django] He going to stay in The Big House?
Calvin Candie: Stephen, he’s a slaver. It’s different.
Stephen: In The Big House?!
Calvin Candie: Well, you got a problem with that?
Stephen: Oh, no. I ain’t got no problem with it, if you ain’t got no problem with burning the bed, the sheets, the pillowcases, everything else when this black a** m**herf***er’s gone!
Calvin Candie: That is my problem. They are mine to burn! Now your problem right now is making a good impression! And I want you to start solving that problem right now and get them goddamn rooms ready!
Stephen: Yes, sir, Monsieur Candie.
Calvin Candie: Go on, now.
Stephen: [muttering] Can’t believe you brought a n***** to stay in The Big House. Your daddy rolling over in his goddamned grave.
Calvin Candie: Man, the lip on him. Wooh! He’s getting worse and worse.
Calvin Candie: Dr. Schultz, this attractive Southern belle is my widowed sister. Darling, you are a tonic for tired eyes.
Stephen: Hildi in The Hot Box.
Calvin Candie: What’s she doing there?
Stephen: What you think she doing there in The Hot Box? She being punished.
Calvin Candie: What she do?
Stephen: She run off again.
Calvin Candie: Jesus Christ, Stephen, how many people ran away while I was gone?
Calvin Candie: Take her out.
Stephen: Take her out? Why?!
Calvin Candie: Because I said so, that’s why. Dr. Schultz is my guest. Hildi is my n*****. Southern hospitality dictates I make her available to him.
Stephen: But, Monsieur Candie, she run off.
Calvin Candie: Jesus Christ, Stephen. What is the point of having a n***** that speaks German if you can’t wheel them out when you have a German guest? Now, I realize it is inconvenient, but still, you take her a** out.
Stephen: Yes, sir.
Dr. King Schultz: [in German] Myself and a mutual friend of ours have gone through a lot of trouble, and rode a lot of miles, to find you, Fraulein, to rescue you. Please drink. Now, it’s myself and our mutual friend’s intention to take you away from here forever.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: [in German] I don’t got any friends.
Dr. King Schultz: [in German] Yes, you do.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: [in German] Who?
Dr. King Schultz: [in German] I can’t tell you. Our mutual friend has a flair for the dramatic.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: [in German] Where is this friend?
Dr. King Schultz: [in German] Standing right behind that door. Promise me you won’t scream? Say, “I promise.”
Broomhilda Von Shaft: [in German] I promise.
Django: [as the door opens] Hey, Little Trouble Maker.
Dr. King Schultz: [as Broomhilda faints] You silver-tongued devil, you.
Dr. King Schultz: You have to understand, Monsieur Candie, while admittedly a neophyte in the n***** fight game, I do have a little bit of a background in the European traveling circus.
Calvin Candie: Is that right?
Dr. King Schultz: Hence, I have big ideas when it comes to presentation. I need something more than just a big n*****. Yeah, he needs to have panache.
Stephen: Need to have what? What?
Calvin Candie: Panache.
Dr. King Schultz: A sense of showmanship.
Calvin Candie: Showmanship, yes.
Dr. King Schultz: I want to be able to bill him as The Black Hercules.
Calvin Candie: The Black Hercules, isn’t that clever?
Stephen: More like n*****les.
Calvin Candie: Oh, Dr. Schultz, I will have you know there is no one in the n***** fight game that appreciates the value of showmanship more than Monsieur Calvin J. Candie here.
Calvin Candie: But one must not forget the most important thing in the n***** fight game. And that is a n***** that can win fights. Now that should be your first, second, third, fourth, and fifth concern. Now, after you have that, and you know you have that, then you can start to implement a grand design. In other words, first thing is first.
Stephen: First thing’s first.
Calvin Candie: [referring to Broomhilda’s] Ooh! I see you two getting on.
Dr. King Schultz: Famously. Oh, Monsieur Candie, you can’t imagine what it’s like not to hear your native tongue in four years.
Calvin Candie: Well, hell, I can’t imagine two weeks in Boston.
Stephen: Two weeks in Boston! Monsieur Candie, you a mess! Two weeks in Boston!
Dr. King Schultz: I can’t express the joy I felt conversing in my mother tongue. And Hildi is a charming conversation companion.
Calvin Candie: Well, be careful now, Dr. Schultz. You might have caught yourself a little dose of n***** love. N***** love’s a powerful emotion, boy. It’s like a pool of black tar. Once it catches your a**, you’re caught.
Stephen: Yes, sir. You stuck.
Lara Lee Candie-Fitzwilly: I don’t know, doctor. You can lay on all the German sweet talk you want, but it looks like this pony’s got big eyes for Django.
Dr. King Schultz: Well, naturally. It is the soaring eagle that attracts her attention, not the plucked chicken.
Calvin Candie: Dr. Schultz, don’t be so down on yourself. You are quite the dapper European gentleman.
Stephen: [referring to Django] You know that n*****, don’t you?
Broomhilda Von Shaft: Who?
Stephen: Who? Don’t “who” me, b**ch. You know who I’m talking about.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: At the table? I don’t know him.
Stephen: You don’t know him?
Broomhilda Von Shaft: No.
Stephen: No, what?
Broomhilda Von Shaft: No, sir.
Stephen: You wouldn’t lie to me, now, would you?
Stephen: [as Broomhilda shakes her head] Okay. If you say so.
Calvin Candie: Dr. Schultz, let me reclarify how this whole negotiation came about. You see, it wasn’t me who came to you to sell a n*****.
Stephen: Sure wasn’t.
Calvin Candie: It was you who approached me to buy one.
Stephen: Sure was.
Calvin Candie: Now, that nine thousand figure Bright Boy’s been bandying about, that ain’t too far off from right. And if I wanted to sell Eskimo Joe for that, I could do so any day of the week.
Stephen: Any day.
Calvin Candie: But, like you said in Greenville, doctor, I don’t want to sell him. It was only your ridiculous offer of twelve thousand that made me even consider it.
Dr. King Schultz: You know, Monsieur Candie, you do possess the power of persuasion. Why not! Monsieur Candie, you have a deal. Eskimo Joe, twelve thousand dollars.
Calvin Candie: Hooray, doctor. Hooray. And a wise decision that is.
Dr. King Schultz: To The Black Hercules.
Stephen: You was right, doctor. That name do have pan-a**.
Calvin Candie: Oh, so you haven’t seen her back?
Dr. King Schultz: I haven’t…
Calvin Candie: No, no, no, no. Stephen’s right, you might find this interesting. Hildi, go on, take off your dress. Show Dr. Schultz your back here. Go on.
Calvin Candie: [as he makes Broomhilda show her back] Hildi’s got something like four lashes on her back. Lara Lee just get one, she’d lose her goddamn mind.
Stephen: Sure would.
Calvin Candie: Look at that, doctor. It’s like a painting. Look at that.
Lara Lee Candie-Fitzwilly: Calvin! We are eating. Ain’t no one want to look at her whipped up back.
Calvin Candie: Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine. After dinner, then, Stephen. After dinner. During the brandies, gentlemen, hm?
Stephen: [referring to Django] I said, you said you ain’t know him.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: I don’t.
Stephen: Yes, you do.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: Mr. Stephen, I don’t.
Stephen: Why is you lying to me?
Broomhilda Von Shaft: I ain’t.
Stephen: Then why is you crying?
Broomhilda Von Shaft: You scaring me.
Stephen: Why is I’m scaring you?
Broomhilda Von Shaft: Because you’re scary.
Calvin Candie: Stephen! You just interrupted Dr. Schultz here.
Stephen: I’m sorry, Dr. Schultz. My ears ain’t worth a damn these days.
Calvin Candie: Excuse him.
Stephen: Monsieur Candie, could I get a word with you in the kitchen?
Calvin Candie: You mean get up out of my chair?
Stephen: If you could manage it.
Calvin Candie: Why?
Stephen: It’s about dessert.
Calvin Candie: What about dessert?
Stephen: I’d rather discuss that in private.
Calvin Candie: We’re having white cake! What sort of melodrama could be brewing back there?
Stephen: You right, Monsieur Candie. You right, I’ll handle it myself.
Stephen: [to Calvin, referring to Schultz and Django] They playing your a** for a fool, is what I’m talking about. They ain’t here for no musclebound Jimmie. They here for that girl.
Calvin Candie: Why would they go through all that trouble for a n***** with a, with a chewed up back, ain’t worth three hundred dollars?
Stephen: They doing it because that n***** Django’s in love with Hildi. She probably his wife. Now, why that German gives a f*** who that uppity son of a b**ch is in love with, I’m sure I don’t know.
Calvin Candie: If she’s who they want, why this whole snake oil pitch about Mandingos then?
Stephen: You wouldn’t pay no never mind to no three hundred dollar. But that twelve thousand? That made you real friendly now, didn’t it?
Calvin Candie: Yes, it did. His wife, huh? If it had been a snake, it would have bit me. Those lying goddamn time wasting sons of b**ches. Sons of b**ches!
Dr. King Schultz: [referring to the human skull] Who’s your little friend?
Calvin Candie: This is Ben. He’s an old Joe that lived around here for a long time. And I do mean a long damn time. Old Ben here took care of my daddy, and my daddy’s daddy. Till he up and keeled over one day, Old Ben took care of me. Growing up the son of a, of huge plantation owner in Mississippi puts a white man in contact with a whole lot of black faces. I spent my whole life here, right here in Candyland, surrounded by black faces. Now, seeing them every day, day in, day out, I only had one question. Why don’t they kill us? Now, right out there on that porch, three times a week for fifty years, Old Ben here would shave my daddy with a straight razor. Now, if I was Old Ben, I woulda cut my daddy’s goddamn throat and it wouldn’t have taken me no fifty years to do it neither. But he never did. Why not?
Calvin Candie: You see, the science of phrenology is crucial to understanding the separation of our two species. In the skull of the African here, the area associated with submissiveness is larger than any human or any other subhuman species on planet Earth. If you examine this piece of skull here, you will notice three distinct dimples. Here, here and here. Now, if I was holding the skull of an Isaac Newton, or Galileo, these three dimples would be found in the area of the skull most associated with creativity. But this is the skull of Old Ben, and in the skull of Old Ben, unburdened by genius, these three dimples exist in the area of the skull most associated with, servility. Now, Bright Boy, I will admit you are pretty clever. But if I took this hammer here, and I bashed in your skull with it, you would have the same three dimples in the same place as Old Ben.
Calvin Candie: Dr. Schultz, in Greenville, you yourself said that for the right n***** you’d be willing to pay what some may consider is a ridiculous amount. To which me myself said, “What is your definition of ridiculous?” To which you said, “Twelve thousand dollars.” Now, considering y’all have ridden a whole lot of miles, went through a whole lot of trouble, and done spread a whole lot of bull to purchase this lovely lady right here, it would appear that Broomhilda is in fact the right n*****. And if y’all want to leave Candyland with Broomhilda, the price is twelve thousand dollars.
Dr. King Schultz: And I take it you prefer the take it or leave it style of negotiation?
Calvin Candie: Yes, I do, doctor. You see, under the laws of Chickasaw County, Broomhilda here is my property. And I can choose to do with my property whatever I so desire! And if y’all think my price for this n***** here is too steep, what I’m going to desire to do is…
Calvin Candie: [as he threatens to smash Broomhilda’s head with a hammer] Take this goddamn hammer here, and beat her as** to death with it! Right in front of both y’all! Then we can examine the three dimples inside Broomhilda’s skull! Now, what’s it going to be, doc?! Huh?! What’s it going to be?!
Dr. King Schultz: May I lift my hands off the tabletop in order to remove my billfold?!
Calvin Candie: Yes, you may.
Stephen: That twelve.
Calvin Candie: Sold! To the man with the exceptional beard and his unexceptional n*****!
Calvin Candie: You brooding about me getting the best of you, huh?
Dr. King Schultz: Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D’Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.
Calvin Candie: Come again?
Dr. King Schultz: Alexandre Dumas. He wrote The Three Musketeers.
Calvin Candie: Yes, of course, doctor.
Dr. King Schultz: I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel’s lead character. Now, if Alexandre Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?
Calvin Candie: You doubt he’d approve, huh?
Dr. King Schultz: Yes, his approval would be a dubious proposition at best.
Calvin Candie: Soft hearted Frenchie.
Dr. King Schultz: Alexandre Dumas is black.
Dr. King Schultz: Broomhilda Von Shaft, consider yourself a free woman.
[Broomhilda looks at Django]
Dr. King Schultz: Mister Candie, normally I would say “auf wiedersehen”. But since what “auf wiedersehen” actually means is “till I see you again”, and since I never wish to see you again, to you, sir, I say goodbye.
Calvin Candie: It’s a custom here in the South, once a business deal is concluded that the two parties shake hands. It implies good faith.
Dr. King Schultz: I’m not from the South.
Calvin Candie: But you are in my house, doctor. So I’m afraid I must insist.
Dr. King Schultz: Insist? On what? That I shake your hand? Oh, then I’m afraid I must insist in the opposite direction.
Calvin Candie: You know what I think you are?
Dr. King Schultz: What you think I am? No, I don’t.
Calvin Candie: I think you are a bad loser.
Dr. King Schultz: And I think you’re an abysmal winner.
Calvin Candie: Nevertheless, here in Chickasaw County, a deal ain’t done until the two parties have shook hands. Even after all that paper signing, don’t mean s**t you don’t shake my hand.
Dr. King Schultz: If I don’t shake your hand, you’re going to throw away twelve thousand dollars? I don’t think so.
Calvin Candie: Mr. Pooch, if she tries to leave here before this n*****-loving German shakes my hand, you cut her a** down.
Dr. King Schultz: [to Django, after shooting Calvin] I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.
Stephen: [during the shootout] Django!
Stephen: We got your woman! Billy Crash here got his pistol upside her head. You don’t stop all that carrying on, he going to blow her goddamn brains out! And that ain’t no threat, horse boy. That there is a promise. Or, you can give up, throw your gun out, we won’t kill Hildi.
Stephen: Honest Injun, Django. I swear ‘fore God. You give up, ain’t no harm going to come to her.
Django: And I’m supposed to believe your black a**?
Stephen: Personally, I don’t give a good goddamn what you believe or don’t believe! I believe if you don’t give up in the next ten seconds, we going to blow this b**ch’s brains out! Believe that!
Broomhilda Von Shaft: Just let me go.
Django: They got too much.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: Django.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: I love you.
Django: Hold it!
Broomhilda Von Shaft: No.
Django: I give up.
Stephen: I can’t hear you, n*****.
Django: I said, I give up!
Billy Crash: So y’all bounty hunters, huh? I knew there was something fishy about y’all. We found your wanted posters and book of figures in your saddlebags. I got to say, I ain’t never heard of no black bounty hunter before. Black boy paid to kill white men? How’d you like that line of work? Probably pretty good while it lasted, huh? Time to say good night to them nuts, bla**ie.
Stephen: [to Django] Your black a** has been all them m*therf***ers at The Big House could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain’t never had a bright idea in their life was coming up with all kinds of ways to kill your a**. Now, mind you, most of them ideas had to do with f***ing with your fun parts. Now, that may seem like a good idea, but truth is, when you snip a n*****’s nuts, most of them bleed out in, oh, about, hm, seven minutes. Most of them. Well, more than most. Then I says, “S**tfire. The n*****s we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that.” And they still saying, “Let’s whip him to death.” Or, “Throw him to the Mandingos. Feed him to Stonesipher’s dogs.” And I said, “What’s so special about that? We do that s**t all the time. Hells bells, the n*****s we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that.”
Stephen: [to Django] Lo and behold, out of nowhere, Miss Lara come up with the bright idea of giving your a** to the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company. And as a slave of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth, till the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swinging a sledgehammer, turning big rocks into little rocks. Now, when you get there, they going to take away your name, give you a number and a sledgehammer, and say, “Get to work!” One word of sass, they cuts out your tongue. And they good at it too you won’t bleed out. Oh, they does that real good. They going to work ya. All day, every day, till your back give out. Then they’re going to hit you in the head with a hammer, throw your a** down the n***** hole. And that will be the story of you, Django.
Frankie: But you’re a slave.
Django: I ain’t no goddamn slave.
Django: Do I sound like a f***ing slave? Hm?
Django: I’m a bounty hunter. Yesterday, as a free man, I rode into Candyland on a horse with my German white partner, Dr. King Schultz. We tracked the Bacall Gang all the way from Texas to Chickasaw County. We finally found their a** laying low in Candyland. We went in there to get them. Things went sour, my partner got killed. Calvin Candie got shot. Then everybody there decided to blame me, so here I am. But y’all know I ain’t on that manifest and all y’all know I ain’t supposed to be on this trip. But them four men is still back there, they’re still wanted, and that eleven thousand five hundred is up for grabs. And the last thing they’d expect is y’all riding back in there and getting it.
Roy: What’s the deal? You tell us who they are and we turn you loose?
Django: No, no, no, no. I ain’t going to tell you who they are. But, you give me a pistol, one of them horses, and five hundred dollar of that eleven thousand five hundred, and I’ll point them out to you.
Roy: This is a real handbill.
Floyd: Now just because it’s a real handbill doesn’t mean that other bunch of malarkey is.
Roy: Now why would a slave have a “Wanted Dead or Alive” handbill in his pocket?
Roy: Alright. What happened over in Candyland?
Chicken Charlie: Bunch of shooting, master got shot.
Roy: Who shot him?
Chicken Charlie: The German.
Roy: Why did he do that?
Chicken Charlie: N***** and the German was acting like they were slavers, but they wasn’t.
Roy: Well, what were they?
Rodney: Bounty hunters.
Floyd: F*** me, Roy. I mean, this could, this could be big, mate.
Roy: Well, smoke, you got a deal.
Django: I got one more condition.
Roy: What’s that?
Django: When we get there, when time come, you let me help you kill them.
Floyd: Hey. You’re a funny bugger.
Roy: Cut him loose.
Floyd: Yeah, yeah. You got yourself a deal, bla**ie.
Django: [in an Australian accent] You got yourself a deal, mate.
Billy Crash: D-jango! You black son of a b**ch!
Django: [as he shoots Billy in the head] The D is silent, hillbilly.
Django: Stephen, how you like my new duds? You know, before now I didn’t know that burgundy was my color.
Stephen: [referring to the dead bodies] I count six shots, n*****.
Django: I count two guns, n*****.
Django: You said in seventy-six years on this plantation, you seen all manner of s**t done to n*****s. But I notice, you didn’t mention kneecapping.
Stephen: [Django shoots him in the kneecap] Oh, God! M**herf***er! Damn it!
Django: Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many n*****s you think you see come and go, huh? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie’s mouth was nothing but horses**t. But he was right about one thing, I am that one n***** in ten thousand.
Stephen: [as Django shoots his other kneecap] You son of a b**ch! Aah! You m*therf***er! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this n*****!
Stephen: You ain’t going to get away with this, Django! They going to catch your black a**. You going to be on the wanted posters now, n*****. Them bounty hunters going to be looking for you. You can run, n*****, but they going to find your a**! And when they do, oh, Lord, what they going to do to your a**! They ain’t going to just kill you, n*****! You done f***ed up! This Candyland, n*****! You can’t destroy Candyland! We been here! There’s always going to be a Candyland!
Django: Hey, Little Trouble Maker.
Broomhilda Von Shaft: Hey, Big Trouble Maker.
Dr. King Schultz: [to Django, flashback] You know what they’re going to call you? The Fastest Gun in the South.
Django: [to Broomhilda, at the burning grounds of Candyland] Let’s get out of here.