Channing Tatum’s Dog (2022) Best Movie Quotes

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Starring: Channing Tatum, Jane Adams, Kevin Nash, Q’orianka Kilcher, Ethan Suplee, Emmy Raver-Lampman, Nicole LaLiberté, Luke Forbes, Ronnie Gene Blevins

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

Buddy comedy directed by Channing Tatum and Reid Carolin, and co-written by Reid Carolin. Dog (2022) centers on former Army Ranger Briggs (Channing Tatum) and his Belgian Malinois companion Lulu as they head to the Pacific Coast in time to catch their best friend’s and handler’s funeral. One of them has a week to live, the other lives like every day is his last.

Our Favorite Quotes:

'Look, I'm no good at this poem stuff, so I'll just get to the damn point. Thanks. Thanks for saving my life.' - Jackson Briggs (Dog) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

Jackson Briggs: [to Jones, as he’s begging to go back on rotation] Might as well just get the strap out of the center console and put me down if I can’t get back in the game, just go ahead and end it for me. Just put me out of my misery, it’s fine.

Fort Lewis MP: [referring to Briggs’s ID] It’s expired, sir.
Jackson Briggs: Oh, come on, man. You know how many times I’ve been in and out of this gate with that?
Fort Lewis MP: Excuse me?
Jackson Briggs: Okay. Think about it. What’s the odds I’m ISIS?
Fort Lewis MP: Step out of the vehicle, sir.
Jackson Briggs: You want me to step out of the vehicle? I’ll happily…
Ranger Jones: He’s with the Ranger battalion.
Jackson Briggs: Ranger battalion.
Fort Lewis MP: [referring to Brigg’s ID] You’re required to dispose of this.
Jackson Briggs: [flips off the MP] What did you say? I’m sorry, what? Thank you for your service.

Jackson Briggs: So what do you got to do? Interview me, or something, to make sure I’ve got a brain cell left, or…
Ranger Jones: Yeah, something like that.

Jackson Briggs: Riley was about as solid as they come.
Sgt. Kiernan: Tell that to the tree he hit doing a hundred and twenty.

Jackson Briggs: What’s going to happen to his dog?
Ranger Jones: Thought you’d never ask. Family funeral’s Sunday outside of Nogales. She’s the guest of honor.
Jackson Briggs: Oh, that’s a genius idea. I hope she doesn’t eat everybody first.
Ranger Jones: Well, that part will be up to you.
Jackson Briggs: Wait, wait. What?

Jackson Briggs: [referring to Lulu] Sir, are you asking me to fly a damn dog to Arizona?
Ranger Jones: No, I’m asking you to drive a Ranger to Arizona. She refuses to fly.
Jackson Briggs: Why ain’t she deploying with you?
Ranger Jones: Won’t work with anyone. One minute she’s good, the next minute, she’s sending three guys to the ER.

Jackson Briggs: [referring to Lulu] So they’re just going to put her down anyway.
Ranger Jones: There’s not a handler, or a PD crazy enough to adopt her up. Doesn’t make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Just is what it is.
Jackson Briggs: How about I disappear her a**, you make the call, and we both go on with our lives? How about that?
Ranger Jones: You stick your neck out for Battalion, I’ll stick mine out for you. Take it or leave it.

Ranger Jones: Here’s the deal, Briggs. This isn’t the same dog you served with. She’s got every combat trigger in the book. So you keep her secured, and you don’t take her out in public.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] What’s up, dog? You remember me? Your favorite chew toy from 2015. Huh?

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] Me and you are going to go on a little road trip. Fifteen hundred miles. Just to act like your daddy’s looking down on us from above.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] You really did give up, huh? What are y’all so scared of? She’s milding out big-time.
Kennel Master: [laughing as Lulu knocks Briggs to the ground] Hey, man, I forgot to tell you not to touch her on the ears, man. I left that part out.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] What? What is your deal, man? Come on. You’re just slobbering all over my seats. Maybe just take the crazy down. Just like one notch. Just one notch, that’s it. And maybe we could get along. And if we get along, maybe we could even have some fun, and send Riley off right. Doesn’t that sound nice, dog? I’m all you got. I’m it. It’s just me.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] Believe it or not, I don’t want to keep you all muzzled up twenty-four-seven. I really don’t. And to be honest, I don’t want to drive straight to some dry-a** desert town, and just sit in a motel, and stare at a wall for five days waiting for his funeral. Do you?

'We trained to put the whole world on our back. At the end of the day, the hardest thing was knocking on a friend's door.' - Noah (Dog) Click To Tweet

Jackson Briggs: [as he’s about to take Lulu’s muzzle off] Just remember all those times we had fun kicking in doors, getting our murder on. Relax, I’m not the bad guy. Easy. Do not bite me in the face, alright? I’m going to reach up, I’m not going to touch your ears, or near your ears. Alright, I’m not touching that, I’m not touching that.

Jackson Briggs: [as Lulu is shredding his car seat] You know, I was going to let you have a little bit of fun on this trip. I was going to let you run, and frolic, you know, sniff some buttholes, and all that. But, no. Turns out they are right, you’re just a demon. You’re just a demon!

Jackson Briggs: [after he’s drugged Lulu] Man, you used to be a legend. Not no more, huh? You’re just falling asleep on me.

Jackson Briggs: [as Lulu is falling asleep] That’s really nice of you. You’re right too, I haven’t been laid in a while. Maybe not as long as you, but that’s not the point. Still sad, and we’ll keep that a secret.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] Look, I didn’t want to drug you. You didn’t have to eat my seats, that’s all I’m saying. We can be friends, but this is going to be an eye for an eye. Are we going to be cool? Or do we need to have another meeting of the mind? Fine, you don’t want to trust me, fine. I don’t even care. I definitely don’t trust you, so whatever.

Jackson Briggs: I was about to give up on this city before I met y’all.
Bella: Well, Portland’s not for everybody.
Jackson Briggs: I don’t know, it’s growing on me. It’s not every day you meet two plant musician ladies.

Bella: We help heal people by moving blocked energy so they can experience the full potential of sexual pleasure.
Jackson Briggs: Oh. So you just move the energy for… Hell, yeah. I mean, I got cash in the truck, I think.
Zoe: Oh, no. No. No, the attraction is completely genuine.
Bella: As long as it’s in the flow for you.
Jackson Briggs: No, I’m good. Kidding. I’m so in the flow.

Bella: Your body is in so much pain. I’m so sorry, we had no idea.
Jackson Briggs: No, no. Look, it’s fine. It’s fine. Do I have permission to remove your shirt? Because I want to take care of your heart.
Zoe: This is why we were drawn together.

Jackson Briggs: Hey! What are you doing?
Brad: [referring to Lulu, who’s barking in the truck] Freeing that abused animal.
Jackson Briggs: You throw that rock and we’re about to see who’s abused.
Brad: Of course you threaten violence, you redneck!
Jackson Briggs: You’re the one with the rock, man.

Jackson Briggs: [after Lulu ruins his night with Bella and Zoe] You ruined an epic threesome.

Jackson Briggs: Whatever happened to you, dog, huh? Remember when Maretti died? Riley made us watch like fifteen hours of Grey’s Anatomy. Everybody was sitting around, and then you just came around with your fat head, nuzzling everybody, being all cute, making everybody laugh. Whatever happened to that dog, huh?

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] People like me and you are better off just being all in or all out. I just wouldn’t want some bulls**t-a** injection, like you’re going to have. I mean, it’s not like you’ve got a choice in the matter, but it’s just not a warrior’s death.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] Hey, come on, man. Stop the whining. You sound like a whiney-a** chihuahua.

Jackson Briggs: [referring to Lulu] How did you make her eat out of your hand?
Tamara: I didn’t make her do anything. I just talked to her.

Gus: Listen, I’m a lot better at permaculture than I am tying dudes up. I need to know, man, how close was I to…
Jackson Briggs: Dying?
Gus: Yeah.
Jackson Briggs: Pretty close, actually. I almost put an axe in the back of your head.

See more Dog Quotes

Gus: I’m just glad you love that dog so much.
Jackson Briggs: I don’t love that dog. It’s not even my dog.

Gus: So like the dog did all this, man. I mean, they’re just going to put her down?
Jackson Briggs: Look, don’t get all misty-eyed on me, big man. Like, it’s not like that. That dog did exactly what she was born to do, and that was to live a legendary life. And she did it.

Tamara: [to Briggs, referring to Lulu] You two are definitely karmically connected. She must have incarnated to find you.

Tamara: [referring to Lulu] She’s yearning for soft. Yes, a bed. A luxury mattress. She says she’s never slept in a nice bed before. She asks if it’s okay.
Jackson Briggs: She’s asking me that?

Tamara: Now I’m getting hot tongue taste. Yes. Indian food she wants?
Gus: Oh! Are you kidding me?
Tamara: Gus.
Gus: Strike three.
Tamara: Gus, why do you undermine me?
Gus: The damn dog don’t want Indian food!

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu, referring to Tamara and Gus] I’m so happy we didn’t have to kill those nice people. But I’m just saying, if we did, you were definitely digging the bigger hole, because Gus was massive. And by the way, the next time you smell weed, don’t run away, just let me know, and we can go get it together.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] You’re missing your cage? Look. It’s Alcatraz, it’s right there. Just take a little tour. You know, possibly just leave you there. You only got about three more days left on this green Earth, so you better speak now, or forever hold your peace.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] Hey, look, ain’t no shame in wanting a big, comfy mattress, okay? Look, I get it. I get it. I’ve had three back operations, so I get it. Comfort is king. But the facts are this. They ain’t letting two rock eaters like me and you in some bougie-a** hotel. And I ain’t about that Holiday Inn life. But I got an idea. If you want that bed, we got to go big, or we got to go home.

Jackson Briggs: [pretending to be blind] I was hoping that you might have a room for me and my little girl here.
Callan: Oh, well, let me check on that. Oh, is that a purple heart? Was she wounded?
Jackson Briggs: Yes, she was.
Callan: [to Lulu] Oh. Thank you for your service.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] What did I say? Right when we walked in here, I said that, “Never in history has a blind veteran and his hero dog walked into a hotel and not gotten a free room.”

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] You’re definitely not the girl I thought I’d be in the tub with. But, hey, you know, I’ll take what I can get at this point, I guess.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] Do I look like two hundred K a year or what? Look at you, sitting on the couch, looking all cute. Why didn’t you tell me all I had to do was just turn on the TV and put your greatest hits on of you mauling people, to get you to relax? You narcissist.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu, as he’s about to leave the room] Oh, you think you’re coming with me? Do you think I forgot about Portland? No. I’ll never forget about Portland. Ever.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] You’re a first-class moron, you know that?

Jackson Briggs: [after losing his blind glasses from chasing after Lulu] Oh, my God. I can see.

Police Officer: So you were impersonating a blind man as part of a seeing eye dog training exercise?
Jackson Briggs: Yep, that’s right.
Police Officer: When suddenly, unbeknownst to you, your dog broke free from your grasp, sprinted the entire length of the lobby, and muzzle struck the victim?

Police Officer: And you’ve never seen this dog exhibit any type of aggressive behavior before this?
Jackson Briggs: Never. Never. She usually, she loves people. It’s out of her character. I really don’t understand it. Honestly, I’m in shock.

Police Officer: You were an Army Ranger?
Jackson Briggs: Yeah.
Police Officer: Why the hell didn’t you say so?
Jackson Briggs: I’m sorry.
Police Officer: Instead of putting me through twenty minutes of that Ray Charles bulls**t, huh?

Jackson Briggs: Really? A line-up? It’s me, right? What are we doing? Did you guys even have dogs? He seems like a cat guy.

Dr. Al-Farid: So you impersonated a blind man just to get a free hotel room?
Jackson Briggs: Yeah. Yeah, I did. There was a psychic, and she said that my dog wanted like a comfy mattress. And some… Never mind. It’s insane.
Dr. Al-Farid: It is insane. And if you want my non-clinical opinion, so are you.
Jackson Briggs: Yeah. That’s fair.
Dr. Al-Farid: But the more I sit with it, it’s even more insane to leave my practice, and fly back from Boston, just to prosecute a veteran trying to get his dog to a funeral. Just promise, when it’s all done, you’ll seek professional help.
Jackson Briggs: Yes, sir.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] What’s up? How’re you doing? Never thought I’d be this excited to see you.
Dr. Gray: Has she always panted so much?
Jackson Briggs: Yeah. She runs hot, I guess, like me.
Dr. Gray: She’s not hot. That’s anxiety. It comes from trauma.

Jackson Briggs: [as he’s looking at a photo of Lulu with Riley] You’re a very photogenic dog, you know that? You look like a hero.

Jackson Briggs: Why didn’t you tell me you had a brother? And he lives in Los Angeles. We got something in common, me and you. I got family in that godforsaken city. You know what? I’ll make you a deal. You don’t do anything all psychotic on this trip, and we make good time, we can go see him. Maybe. Okay? Is that a deal? Shake? Shake. You got it.
[Lulu puts her paw into his hand]

Jackson Briggs: [as he’s about to go and visit Niki and his daughter, Sam] Look, if I’m spending too long in there, you have full permission to go psychotic, like usual, and I’ll come out. Jacket or no jacket? I feel like the jacket’s too much. What am I doing, talking to you?

Jackson Briggs: [as Noah hugs Lulu] You give hugs now, really?
Noah: Oh, yeah. Lulu gives the best hugs. You’ve never had a Lulu hug?
Jackson Briggs: No. We don’t exactly hug.

Jackson Briggs: [as Noah is teaching him to hug Lulu] Remind me again why we want her to bite.
Noah: She doesn’t know what war is. For her, it’s just work. You’ve got to show her that work can be fun again, nothing bad is going to happen, okay? That’s how you make a bond.
Jackson Briggs: I don’t need to make a bond, okay? What, am I not fun enough for you?

Jackson Briggs: So you’re telling me that Nuke was just as messed up as Lulu.
Noah: I’d been working every day for six months before I convinced the army to let me adopt him out. Thought we’d never get there. Now, we trust Nuke to babysit.

Noah: [to Briggs] Nuke was about all I could handle. But when he stopped struggling, that’s when I realized maybe I could stop struggling too, you know?

Jackson Briggs: Do you think Riley could’ve fixed Lulu?
Noah: Not by keeping her in the fight, no. You got to know when to hang them up or check out, I guess.
Jackson Briggs: Well, sometimes Rangers just find a way to die, man.

Noah: You’re going to be all good without those meds?
Jackson Briggs: I should have just let her eat that stolen valor piece of s**t.
Noah: You never know in places like that who served. And if you were here
five years ago, you could have caught my a** under that pier, and that would have been the best-case scenario.
Jackson Briggs: Yeah, but I didn’t. Because that bulls**t ain’t us.

Noah: [referring to Riley] He used to talk about driving off the Grand Canyon at top speed, but he drove himself into a tree instead. I tried to get him to talk.
Jackson Briggs: Talk, like what, to a therapist? That was a great idea.
Noah: No, to other guys who have gone through it, or even just to God.
Jackson Briggs: God? Okay, you didn’t know s**t about Riley, alright?
Noah: Look, by God, I mean anything. Could be a rock, could be a shoe, could be his damn barber. But we all got to pick something at some point.
Jackson Briggs: Well, he didn’t, and he won’t. So ain’t no use b**ching about it.

Noah: You know, we trained to put the whole world on our back. At the end of the day, the hardest thing was knocking on a friend’s door.

Jackson Briggs: [referring to Riley’s funeral] I hope you’re ready for this tomorrow, because you know what they want, right? They want the hero war dog all sad and stoic, just missing her hero war daddy. What they definitely don’t want, they definitely don’t want you trying to eat everybody as soon as the color guard starts firing their salute.

Jackson Briggs: They don’t know you. That’s for damn sure. They don’t know what it takes to be a hero. The things you’ve done to be a hero dog. If they knew the truth, it would scare the living s**t out of them. You know, when I got out, your daddy gave me this s**tty piece of plywood with the word “Thanks” carved in it. It’s like, what else do you say to somebody that you experience what we experienced together? You even listening to me? Just talking to a dog.

Jackson Briggs: [as Lulu eats out of his hand] Look at that. Who knew you just needed to have a fight to get along?

Jackson Briggs: [reading Riley’s notes to Lulu] “When they took you away, I was sure we’d run out of time. And that’s when it hit me, girl. I was never your handler. That you were actually mine. Your brother, Riley.”

Jackson Briggs: There is about zero chance of us making it a hundred clicks in six hours, with no cell phone service, or ride. But, hey, last time I checked, “surrender” is not a Ranger word.

Jackson Briggs: [as they finally arrive at Riley’s funeral] You’re going to look like a hero, just like Riley would’ve wanted. Okay. You know what else Riley would’ve liked? You not to bite anybody, so maybe just don’t do that.

Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu, as they’re heading back to base] You want to go out there? Hmm? You see something you want to go get? You’re free, go. Go for it. I ain’t going to try to stop you.
[that night, Lulu calms him during a panic attack and she finally lets him pet her]

White Sands MP: [as Briggs is about to leave the base with Lulu] Sir, you forgot your ID.
Jackson Briggs: You know what, man, why don’t you keep it? Thank you for your service.
White Sands MP: Hey, man, what about the dog?
Jackson Briggs: [to Lulu] What are you looking at? Let’s not make this all emotional, okay?

Jackson Briggs: [as we see Briggs getting his life back together] Dear Lulu, I got the adoption papers from the army today. Riley would be so proud. Maybe even of both of us. Look, I’m no good at this poem stuff, so I’ll just get to the damn point. Thanks. Thanks for saving my life.

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