Due Date Quotes: Unevenly Entertaining

(Total Quotes: 90)

Directed by: Todd Phillips
Written by:
Alan R. Cohen (story & screenplay)
Alan Freedland (story & screenplay)
Adam Sztykiel (screenplay)
Todd Phillips (screenplay)
Robert Downey Jr. – Peter Highman
Zach Galifianakis – Ethan Tremblay / Ethan Chase
Michelle Monaghan – Sarah Highman
Jamie Foxx – Darryl
Juliette Lewis – Heidi
Danny McBride – Lonnie
RZA – Airport Screener
Matt Walsh – TSA Agent
Brody Stevens – Limo Driver
Jakob Ulrich – Patrick
Naiia Ulrich – Alex
Todd Phillips – Barry
Bobby Tisdale – Carl
Sharon Morris – Airport X-Ray
Nathalie Fay – Flight Attendant
Emily Wagner – Flight Attendent
Steven M. Gagnon – Air Marshall
Marco Rodríguez – Federali Agent
Mimi Kennedy – Sarah’s Mom
Tymberlee Hill – New Mother
Keegan Michael Key – New Father
Aaron Lustig – Dr. Greene
Jon Cryer – Alan Harper
Charlie Sheen – Charlie Harper


Simply put Due Date quotes are unevenly amusing and a tad clichéd. The story is not a classic since the odd couple comedy road trip movie has been done before and better. However, as uneven as the movie is it still does provide some comedic value and a few laugh out loud moments. If you go into it not expecting too much from this movie, you might even enjoy it more!

Due Date Quotes Page  1   2


[first lines; talking into the phone through a Bluetooth ear piece]
Peter Highman: I just had the strangest dream. It’s Friday, we’re at the hospital, but it’s not a hospital, it’s a-a…a forest of sorts. And uh…I know that because right next to you there’s a bear.


Peter Highman: And all of a sudden you begin to deliver and uh…I can’t…I can’t get to you. But the bear can. The next thing I know he is holding our beautiful baby boy and here’s where it gets odd. Uh…he chews the chord, but strangely I’m okay with it. That’s gotta be a good sign.


Peter Highman: Theodore. Loved it. But remember that article I told you about? Naming kids after famous people? I just don’t want Teddy to think that he’s a failure if he doesn’t find about his face on Mount Rushmore.


Peter Highman: Uh…Arthur. Ahhh…this was tough cause Arthur it’s mythological, round table, the whole deal. but the name game, remember that? The name game? Arthur bo Bart, banana fanna fo Fart!


Peter Highman: Uh…brings us to Cassey, this whole next school of names; Casey, Jordan, Dillinger, Taylor, Tyler and probably mostly Skyler, are all names that could also be girls names. I mean why don’t we just cut to the chase and call him Cindy.


[after Ethan’s friend has crashed into Peter’s driver’s car]
Ethan Tremblay: You okay? Sorry about my friend, I think he’s been drinking.
Peter Highman: You smell a little boozy too. You guy’s been drinkin’ and drivin’ together?
Ethan Tremblay: Well, we…we…we haven’t been drinking. We had a split of six pack of forties but…you know what? My father always had a saying; “When a day starts like this it’s all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: That’s actually incorrect.
Ethan Tremblay: No. He…my dad, he said…
Peter Highman: Uphill? No, it’s all downhill from here.
Ethan Tremblay: But everybody wants to be up, nobody wants to be down. So, it’s all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: But it’s easier as you go downhill. So your dad didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about.


[when the airport screener finds drugs Peter’s bag]
Airport Screener: You packed your bag yourself, sir?
Peter Highman: Yes, but not that. I’ve never done drugs in my life. This is absol…this is crazy.
Airport Screener: Maybe you’re a drug mule.
Peter Highman: Drug mule? Do I look like a drug mule?
Airport Screener: I don’t know. How drug mules look?
Peter Highman: Well, you’re the expert.
Airport Screener: What, like me?
Peter Highman: Who said that?
Airport Screener: You’re eyes, you’re eyes saying ‘more like me’…
Peter Highman: Did my face say something?
Airport Screener: …You’re eyes are saying ‘more like me’.
Peter Highman: Did my mouth say anything? I don’t think you look like a…


[the airport screener keeps tossing the clothes in Peter’s bag]
Peter Highman: Do you mind not tossing it up so much?
[airport screener takes a sock out of the bag and smell it]
Airport Screener: Woh! Funky mother fucker, ain’t you?
Peter Highman: You are so inappropriate it’s crazy.
Airport Screener: Wow, I’ve been called a lot of things, man. But inappropriate…that’s some fucked up shit, yo!


[after Ethan is seated on the plane in the seat behind Peter]
Ethan Tremblay: Oh, you know what? I think we switched our bags at the curb.
Peter Highman: I know we did. Your bag was confiscated. It had paraphernalia in it, marijuana pipe.
Ethan Tremblay: Well, that’s a medical apparatus. I have glycoma.
[Peter whispers under his breath sarcastically]
Peter Highman: I’m sure you have glycoma.


[Peter is typing a text message as the flight attendant announces that passengers should switch off their cell phones]
Ethan Tremblay: Hey bud, they made the announcement. You should turn that off.
Peter Highman: Yeah, I got it.
Ethan Tremblay: Okay, just turn it off. You know why?
Peter Highman: I’m gonna turn it off.
Ethan Tremblay: I think they get a little uneasy because they know that terrorists used their cell phones to trigger bombs in their luggage.
[Peter turns around and motions Ethan to be quite]
Peter Highman: It’s not a word you’ll wanna me saying.
Ethan Tremblay: Which word? Terrorist or bomb?
Peter Highman: Now you said both the words you shouldn’t say!


Flight Attendant: Excuse me sir, um…would you and your friend mind stepping to the front of the plane?
Peter Highman: My friend?!
Flight Attendant: I…I’m sorry. I need you to come with me please.
Peter Highman: Well, I…listen. This clown…
[getting up from his seat and pointing to Ethan]
Peter Highman: I’ve never seen before in my life
Ethan Tremblay: That’s not entirely true, we switched bags at the curb side.
Peter Highman: That was an accident and he had…he had…
Air Marshall: Sir. Sir. Federal Air Marshall, please step to the front of the plane.
Peter Highman: What? Why?
Drop the device.
Peter Highman: It’s not a device, it’s a Blackberry.
[the Air Marshall point a gun at Peter]
Air Marshall: Drop the device, asshole!
Peter Highman: What are you gonna do, rent-a-cop? You gonna shoot me in front of everyone?
[the Air Marshall shoots his gun and Peter falls down unconscious]
Air Marshall: It’s okay everyone, he’ll be fine. It’s only a rubber bullet.
[the passengers start to clap]


Peter Highman: When’s the next flight?
TSA Agent: Probably in an hour, but you won’t be on it.
Peter Highman: Why’s that?
TSA Agent: You’re on the no fly list.
Peter Highman: Why?
TSA Agent: It says right here.
[points to the release forms that Peter is signing]
TSA Agent: you and your friend.
Peter Highman: Who?
TSA Agent: The gentleman I just interviewed.
Peter Highman: I’ve never seen that dip shit before in my life.
TSA Agent: Really?
Peter Highman: Yeah.
TSA Agent: He had nothing but nice things to say about you.


Peter Highman: I have a pregnant wife, I have to get back to Los Angeles. This is a huge misunderstanding. What am I supposed to do?
TSA Agent: Have you ever seen the movie, Forrest Gump?
Peter Highman: Yes.
TSA Agent: Well, he ran across the country and he was pretty stupid. So, I have faith in you. You’re free to leave.


[on the phone to Sarah, Peter’s just told her that he’s been put on the no fly list]
Sarah Highman: What did you do, Peter? Did you snap at somebody?
Peter Highman: No. I did not. I was cool, calm and collected the whole time. I was completely in my rights.
Sarah Highman: You get so carried away sometimes. How are you gonna get home?
Peter Highman: Well, I have a plan and the plan is sorting itself out. But my wallet is traveling.


Ethan Tremblay: Hey, I’ve been looking all over for you.
Peter Highman: Stay away from me.
[Sarah is listening to their conversation through the phone]
Peter Highman: You’re trouble.
Ethan Tremblay: But I found something of yours
Peter Highman: Honey, this…this might all be solved. I’ll call you right back.


[Ethan shows up at the airport rent-a-car in a rental car]
Ethan Tremblay: Hey, you want a ride with us?
Peter Highman: No. I…I’m fine. I’m not really a bid dog person.
Ethan Tremblay: Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I tell ya I have a really great personality once you get to know me.
Peter Highman: Yeah, I’m sure you do.
Ethan Tremblay: I got ninety friends on Facebook, twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends.


Ethan Tremblay: What’s your name?
Peter Highman: Peter.
Ethan Tremblay: My name’s Ethan. Ethan Tremblay. And this little guy.
[holds up his dog]
Ethan Tremblay: This little butterball, this is Sonny. And we would be honored to have you ride with us. Come on, it’ll be fun.
[Peter goes to open the car door when Ethan suddenly drives away he then reverses back to Peter]
Ethan Tremblay: [laughs] Woo! JK. LOL. HI. Hop in.


[trying to make conversation with Peter during the drive]
Ethan Tremblay: What age did you lose your virginity?
Peter Highman: I’m not gonna discuss that with you.
Ethan Tremblay: I was nine years old.
Peter Highman: [dryly] Boy!
Ethan Tremblay: Great gal. Great gal. Sheila Pimples.
Peter Highman: I’m kind of getting a headache and it’s not because of you, it’s just I’m under a lot of pressure.


Peter Highman: Ethan, what brought you to Atlanta? Business or pleasure?
Ethan Tremblay: My daddy died. I went to Atlanta to go to his funeral.
Peter Highman: Jee, I didn’t know. I’m sorry.
Ethan Tremblay: He was great guy, man. That’s why I’m heading out west. He’s the one that kind of motivated me to get onto TV.
Peter Highman: TV?due-date-2
Ethan Tremblay: Yeah.
Peter Highman: Tough business to break into. So competitive. I have a friend, he’s…he’s in that industry.
Ethan Tremblay: Does he work on Two and a Half Men?
Peter Highman: No. He um…
Ethan Tremblay: Well then that’s too bad. Because Two and a Half Men is the reason I wanted to become an actor.
Peter Highman: Right.
Ethan Tremblay: Specially the second season.


Ethan Tremblay: It would nice is if we could stop off at the Grand Canyon.
Peter Highman: We’re not going to the Grand Canyon. I’ll tell you why, that would be easily a hundred and twenty miles off our optimum route.
Ethan Tremblay: That’s too bad.
[he looks a coffee can he’s holding in his hand]
Ethan Tremblay: Cause daddy would have loved Grand Canyon.
Peter Highman: Why do you even have this?
Ethan Tremblay: Oh, cause this is my daddy. These are his ashes.
Peter Highman: Why are your father’s ashes in a coffee can?
Ethan Tremblay: Because he’s dead, Peter.
Peter Highman: I know…I know that.
Ethan Tremblay: Don’t you listen to anything that anybody else says?
Peter Highman: The thing is, normal people put remains in an urn.


[holding up the coffee can]
Ethan Tremblay: This is vacuum sealed.
Peter Highman: Ethan, you broke the seal when you poured out the coffee, then you poured your father’s remains in there and then you closed it. That didn’t reseal it!
Ethan Tremblay: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
[Ethan sneezes and blows his nose]
Ethan Tremblay: Oh, God! I shouldn’t have come here. I’m allergic to waffles.


Peter Highman: Why’re you making a pit stop in Birmingham, Alabama? We got…we gotta make time.
Ethan Tremblay: Because I left my glycoma medication on the plane?
Peter Highman: Wait, wait, wait! Your what? You mean your weed?
Ethan Tremblay: It’s medical marijuana, Peter.
Peter Highman: No, it’s weed.
Ethan Tremblay: Why do you have to make everything so dark?
Peter Highman: It’s not dark, it’s weed. And I’m saying I really don’t want to stop and buy drugs.


Ethan Tremblay: You know what, I didn’t want to play this card. Certainly not this early, but guess what? Guess who’s got the Subaru Impreza? Me! Guess who’s got all the money? Me! Guess who’s got a winning personality? Me! What do you have? You have a nice hair line, fine. You have a strong jaw, fine. But I gotta tell you somethin’, mister. Your personality needs some work. My God! Now do you want a ride to California or not?
Peter Highman: Yes, please.
Ethan Tremblay: Good. Hold dad.
[he goes to give Peter the coffee can but Peter drops it]
Peter Highman: I’m sorry! I got…I got it. I got it.


Page   1   2      >>
Total Quotes: 90



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