Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Zach Galifianakis, Michelle Monaghan, Jamie Foxx , Juliette Lewis, Danny McBride, RZA, Matt Walsh, Brody Stevens, Todd Phillips, Keegan Michael Key, Aaron Lustig, Jon Cryer, Charlie Sheen
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Comedy directed and co-written by Todd Phillips. Due Date (2010) follows Peter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.), who has to catch a flight to Atlanta as his wife, Sarah (Michelle Monaghan), is about to give birth. However, a chance encounter with aspiring actor, Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis), throws a monkey wrench into his plans and his sanity is tested as he has to endure a road trip cross-country with dog-toting Ethan.
Peter Highman: [over phone] I just had the strangest dream. It’s Friday. We’re at the hospital. But it’s not a hospital. It’s a forest of sorts. And I know that because right next to you, there’s a bear, a grizzly, cooling his feet in a stream. And all of a sudden, you begin to deliver, and I can’t get to you. But the bear can. And next thing I know, he is holding our beautiful baby boy. And here’s where it gets odd. He chews the cord. But, strangely, I’m okay with it. That’s got to be a good sign.
Peter Highman: “Theodore”. Loved it. But remember that article I told you about? Naming kids after famous people? I just don’t want Teddy to think that he’s a failure if he doesn’t wind up with his face on Mount Rushmore.
Peter Highman: “Arthur”. Ugh! This was tough, because “Arthur”, it’s mythological. Round table, the whole deal. But “The Name Game”. Remember that? “The Name Game”? “Art-Art-Bo-Bart, banana-fana-fo-fart”.
Peter Highman: Brings us to “Casey”. This whole next slew of names, “Casey”, “Jordan”, “Dylan”, “Drew”, “Taylor”, “Tyler”, and probably mostly “Skylar”, are all names that could also be girls names. I mean, why don’t we just cut to the chase and call him “Cindy”?
Ethan Tremblay: My father always had a saying; “When a day starts like this, it’s all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: That’s actually incorrect.
Ethan Tremblay: No. My dad used to say it.
Peter Highman: “Uphill”? No, it’s, “It’s all downhill from here.”
Ethan Tremblay: But everybody wants to be up. Nobody wants to be down. So, it’s all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: But it’s easier as you go downhill. So your dad didn’t know what the f*** he was talking about.
Peter Highman: [whilst on the plane] That’s not a word you’ll want to be saying.
Ethan Tremblay: Which word? “Terrorist” or “bomb”?
Peter Highman: Now you said both the words you shouldn’t say!
Peter Highman: [after he and Ethan have been put on the no-fly list] I’ve never seen that dip s**t before in my life.
TSA Agent: Really?
Peter Highman: Yeah.
TSA Agent: He had nothing but nice things to say about you.
Peter Highman: I have a pregnant wife, I have to get back to Los Angeles. This is a huge misunderstanding. What am I supposed to do?
TSA Agent: Have you ever seen the movie, Forrest Gump?
Peter Highman: Yes.
TSA Agent: Well, he ran across the country, and he was pretty stupid. So, I have faith in you.
Ethan Tremblay: Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot. But I tell you, I have a really great personality once you get to know me.
Peter Highman: Yeah, I’m sure you do.
Ethan Tremblay: I got ninety friends on Facebook. Twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends.
Ethan Tremblay: Two and a Half Men is the reason I wanted to become an actor.
Peter Highman: Right.
Ethan Tremblay: Especially the second season.
Peter Highman: Why are your father’s ashes in a coffee can, Ethan?
Ethan Tremblay: Because he’s dead, Peter.
Ethan Tremblay: [referring to the coffee can] This is vacuum sealed.
Peter Highman: Ethan, you broke the seal when you poured out the coffee, then you poured your father’s remains in there. And then you closed it. That didn’t reseal it!
Ethan Tremblay: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
Ethan Tremblay: [as he sneezes] Oh, God! We shouldn’t have come here. I’m allergic to waffles.
Ethan Tremblay: You know what? I didn’t want to play this card. Certainly not this early. But guess what? Guess who’s got the Subaru Impreza? Me! Guess who’s got all the money? Me! Guess who’s got a winning personality? Me! What do you have? You have a nice hairline, fine. You have a strong jaw, fine. But I got to tell you something, mister. Your personality needs some work. My God. Now do you want a ride to California or not?
Peter Highman: Yes, please.
Ethan Tremblay: Good. Hold dad.
[as he goes to give Peter the coffee can, Peter drops it]
Ethan Tremblay: God almighty! Holy moly! It’s like traveling with a child.
Peter Highman: Did you use the rest room?
Ethan Tremblay: Good point. I need to take a pee-pee.
Ethan Tremblay: [over phone] Do you have a hairdresser out west? I just got this killer perm, and it needs some major up keep.
Sarah Highman: I’m sorry, did you just say that you have a perm?
Ethan Tremblay: Yeah. A perm, like a permanent.
Peter Highman: It’s heinous.
Ethan Tremblay: Do you mind!
'I got ninety friends on Facebook. Twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends.' - Ethan Tremblay (Due Date) Click To Tweet
Heidi: Are you a cop?
Peter Highman: Why? Are you not a licensed pharmacist?
Heidi: Okay, you just look really official. And, you know, if I ask you if you’re a cop, and you are cop, you have to say yes.
Peter Highman: That’s a myth. That’s actually incorrect. But I’m not.
Ethan Tremblay: Nice perm, man. Well done. Well done on that perm.
Barry: Oh, thanks bro. It’s not a perm. It’s natural. Nobody gets perms anymore. Wait. Wait. Don’t tell me. Is that a perm?
Ethan Tremblay: This isn’t a perm. I was just joking.
Heidi: Oh, my God! Thank God. Because I was…
Barry: You got us.
Heidi: I was like…
Barry: You got us both.
Heidi: You know, only, like f***ing jerk-offs get perms.
Barry: That was good.
Heidi: That was hilarious.
Barry: Very good.
Barry: [after Ethan has done a monologue from The Godfather] Did you write that yourself?
Ethan Tremblay: No. The mafia wrote it.
Peter Highman: What were you thinking when you spent almost all of our money on drugs?
Ethan Tremblay: I don’t think in those terms.
Peter Highman: What terms do you think in?
Ethan Tremblay: I’m not an accountant, Peter. I’m not even Jewish.
Peter Highman: Are you an adult?
Ethan Tremblay: Of course I’m an adult. I’m twenty-three years-old.
Peter Highman: You are the most shot-out twenty-three year-old I’ve ever seen.
'You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.' - Ethan Tremblay (Due Date) Click To Tweet
Peter Highman: How have you made it this far? How have you not run yourself over in car?
Ethan Tremblay: I’ve done that.
Peter Highman: How have you survived? That’s my question?
Ethan Tremblay: Mostly luck.
Peter Highman: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Just dumb f***ing luck.
Peter Highman: What’s your real name?
Ethan Tremblay: Ethan Chase. But it doesn’t sound like an actor’s name.
Peter Highman: Ethan Chase sounds like the name of an actor. Ethan Tremblay doesn’t make any goddamn sense. Okay? It’s confusing. It sounds like it was made up.
Ethan Tremblay: Yeah. I made it up.
Peter Highman: Ethan, I know you made it up. It’s your f***ing stage name. Why did you have my wife wire money to your stage name?
Ethan Tremblay: I wasn’t thinking.
Peter Highman: Right.
Ethan Tremblay: I’m just trying to commit to the new name.
Lonnie: [referring to photo of Ethan to use as an ID] I can’t accept this either.
Ethan Tremblay: Why?
Lonnie: Why? Because it’s a picture of yourself. Anyone could take a picture in a beautiful turtleneck with their hands crossed, put whatever name they want.
Peter Highman: But why go to all that trouble just for five hundred bucks?
Lonnie: I don’t know why you would, but you could.
Ethan Tremblay: I’m sorry about my friend. We really just need the money to get to Los Angeles, so he can be there for the birth of his first child.
Lonnie: Well, that’s such a sweet story. You know where I was when my daughter was born?
Peter Highman: Chili’s?
Lonnie: Iraq. How about I call my staff sergeant in Fallujah and tell him your little sob story, see what he thinks, huh?
Ethan Tremblay: Aren’t you closing? Isn’t it going to take long time?
Peter Highman: He’s being sarcastic, Ethan.
'Dad, you were like a father to me.' - Ethan Tremblay (Due Date) Click To Tweet
Peter Highman: A real actor is someone who can really act.
Ethan Tremblay: Well, go ahead, give me an action to do. Give me a scene.
Peter Highman: I’m not going to, no. I don’t want to.
Ethan Tremblay: You should.
Peter Highman: Okay. I’m Julia Roberts. You have terminal cancer. We’re engaged. Break the news to me.
Ethan Tremblay: Julia Roberts, as you know, we’re engaged. I have terminal cancer.
Peter Highman: Awful.
Ethan Tremblay: What?
Peter Highman: Sorry, that’s my feedback.
Ethan Tremblay: I thought that was really good.
Peter Highman: Nope.
Peter Highman: I’ll give you one more shot. It’ Super Bowl Sunday. You’re a coach with a spotty career. You’re down thirty-one points. You bust into the locker room and you fire the guys up. All or nothing. Action.
Ethan Tremblay: That’s stupid. That would never be in a movie.
Peter Highman: It’s in a movie every two years. Every two years.
Ethan Tremblay: [after Peter tells the story of his father abandoning him] It’s so funny! Oh my gosh! My dad would never do that. He loved me.
Peter Highman: [after leaving Ethan and taking the car with the coffee can left behind] Okay. We are gathered here in the presence of the Lord and all things holy to celebrate the passing of one mister, I don’t remember his f***ing name! Chase, or AKA, Tremblay. May he forever reside and dwell in the sunlight of the spirit. Amen. You know, I just want to offer an explanation, sir, as to why you wound up on the side of interstate 20. It’s not your fault. It’s your kid. He’s an incredibly difficult person to travel with. In fact, I don’t know how or why you didn’t just strangle him in the f***ing crib.
Ethan Tremblay: [referring to his father] Nothing he loved more than jazz music and women’s titties.
Ethan Tremblay: I’m a deep sleeper. It’s a condition. You know when they say, “I’ll bet that guy could sleep through an earthquake.” Well, I’ve actually slept through an earthquake. I also fell asleep through a job interview at Bank of America.
Peter Highman: I didn’t sleep last night. I’m going to try now.
Ethan Tremblay: Well, you really should have m*******ted. Because I had a glorious orgasm and I slept like a baby.
Ethan Tremblay: [after Ethan has crashed the car from falling asleep] Jeez Louise! Are you okay?
Peter Highman: Am I okay?! Do I look okay? Huh? I have a broken arm. I have three cracked ribs. I have seven stitches in my f***ing arm pit! Does that answer your question? No. Not okay.