Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Peña, Natalie Martinez, Anna Kendrick, David Harbour, Frank Grillo, America Ferrera, Cle Shaheed Sloan, Jaime FitzSimons, Cody Horn, Shondrella Avery

OUR RATING: ★★★★☆

Story:

Action crime drama written and directed by David Ayer. The story follows two LAPD officers, Mike Zavala (Michael Peña), and Brian Taylor (Jake Gyllenhaal), as they patrol the ganglands of South Central Los Angeles with Taylor documenting the life of a cop for a film project. Though they may bend the rules, their honor and dedication to the job are unquestioned. Taylor and Zavala always have each other’s back. However, it doesn’t take long before Zavala and Taylor find themselves in the crossfire of LA’s worst criminals.

 

Best Quotes   (Total Quotes: 91)


 

[first lines]
Brian Taylor: [voice over] I’m the police. And I’m here to arrest you. You’ve broken the law. I did not write the law. I may even disagree with the law. But I will enforce it. No matter how you plead, cajole, beg or attempt to stir my sympathies, nothing you do will stop me from placing you in a steel cage with grey bars. If you run away, I will chase you. If you fight me, I will fight back. If you shoot at me, I will shoot back. By law, I am unable to walk away. I’m a consequence. I am the unpaid bill. I am fate with a badge and a gun. Behind my badge is a heart like yours. I bleed. I think. I love. And yes, I can be killed. And although I’m but one man, I have thousands of brothers and sisters who are the same as me. They will lay down their lives for me. And I them. We stand watch together. A thin blue line. Protecting the prey from the predators. The good from the bad. We are the police.


 

[Taylor and Zavala are on patrol chasing a car]
Police Radio: Thirteen X-ray nine is in pursuit of a Code vehicle west on two seven.
[referring to the car they are chasing]
Brian Taylor: Go ahead, motherfucker. Try to run! Trying to run, you son of a bitch!
Mike Zavala: Hold on, hold on, hold on!
Brian Taylor: Eastbound through the alley at twenty hundred blocks from Hooper.
Police Radio: Now eastbound through the alley at twenty hundred blocks from Hooper.
Brian Taylor: Oh shit!
Mike Zavala: Come around, come around! Come around! Move, move, move! Get the fuck around, dude!
Brian Taylor: Pull to the right! Pull to the right!
Mike Zavala: Well, he’s not going to pull to the right.
Brian Taylor: You stupid motherfucker! Man, he almost lost it! Hit him! Hit him! Hit him!
[Zavala drives into back of the car they’re chasing, making it spin]
Mike Zavala: Got him!
[the car crashes into a corner and stops]


 

[after crashing their car, two men get out and start shooting at Taylor and Zavala, who return fire]
Brian Taylor: Fuck you!
[Taylor and Zavala shoot the two men down and walk towards them]
Brian Taylor: You good?
Mike Zavala: Good, good, good! This fucker’s down. I’m going to hook him.
[Zavala handcuffs the two men on the ground]
Brian Taylor: You’re all good.
[Taylor radio’s in for back up]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen x-ray nine, you can show a Code Four.
Police Radio: Thirteen x nine is requesting additional supervisors to the four thousand block at Naomi.
[to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Walk it off.
[as police backup arrives and checks the scene]
Male Officer: You good?
Brian Taylor: I’m good.
[referring to what Taylor and Zavala have done to the car and the two men]
Female Officer: Holy shit!


 

[Taylor is in the locker room and talking to the camera he’s set up]
Brian Taylor: Alright. This is my day job. Some of you…
[a police officer tries walking past Taylor]
Brian Taylor: Sorry, bro, I’m recording.
[back to the camera]
Brian Taylor: This is my day job. Uh, some of you might know me as Brian. Or, uh, Taylor. But here I am Police Officer Two Brian Taylor. This is where the forces of good, prepare to fight to forces of evil.
[he grabs Zavala, who’s half-dressed]
Brian Taylor: This is my partner, Officer Zavala.
Mike Zavala: I’m in my chones.
Brian Taylor: I know, dude. Come on. Come on.
Mike Zavala: I’m in my chones. No, no, no!
Brian Taylor: Come on, man!
Mike Zavala: I’m good, bro.
[Zavala gets out of shot]


 

[Taylor looks back at the camera]
Brian Taylor: We work basic patrol here at Newton. One of the toughest divisions in the LAPD.
[Zavala gets back into shot as he’s getting dressed next to Taylor]
Mike Zavala: Shooting Newton, baby. That’s right. Lucky Thirteen.
[they both laugh, camera cuts to Taylor holding up his gun]
Brian Taylor: This is a department issue sidearm. Glock nineteen.
[gets out his knife and shows it to the camera]
Brian Taylor: Spyderco tactical knife.
[takes out a small black item]
Brian Taylor: And this little thing can break windows here.
[holds up two handcuffs]
Brian Taylor: Two Smith and Wesson handcuffs.
[holds up a small spray can]
Brian Taylor: Can of OC spray. Pepper spray.
[holding up the mags]
Brian Taylor: Two extra mags.
[points the camera into his locker]
Brian Taylor: What else? That’s my nametag here. Uh, you can see my, uh, partner’s dirty locker.
Mike Zavala: Yours is like a woman.
[Zavala points at Taylor’s neat locker]
Mike Zavala: Look at this. What is this, Pottery Barn?


 

[as Taylor continues filming in their locker room]
Mike Zavala: Dude, are you going to shut the fuck up and get ready for roll call?
Brian Taylor: Dude, don’t swear, man. I have to edit that out, when you swear.
Mike Zavala: Oh fuck! Oh shit, dude! Fuck, man! Okay, now I’m Spanish.
[he starts speaking in Spanish, then another officer walks into the locker room]
Van Hauser: Oh, hey. You kids having fun?
[Taylor points the camera at Van Hauser]
Brian Taylor: Oh, look! It’s Officer Van Houser. Officer Three. Van Houser.
[Taylor points the camera back at himself]
Brian Taylor: Considered unpromotable by the department.
[then camera turns to Zavala, who whispers]
Mike Zavala: And the angriest fucking cop in the world.
Van Hauser: Taylor, I’m going to tell Sarge that you’re taping in here.
Brian Taylor: What’d you say?
Mike Zavala: What?!
Brian Taylor: I don’t give a shit!
Van Hauser: I’m going to tell Sarge that you’re taping in here.
Brian Taylor: Oh. Yeah. Well, it’s not really called taping anymore. Okay, it uses flash cards, but it’s not really a,
[Van Hauser walks in anger towards Taylor]
Brian Taylor: Don’t worry about it.
Van Hauser: God damn it!
[Van Hauser grabs holds of Taylor’s camera]


 

[as Taylor hooks a small camera onto Zavala’s shirt]
Brian Taylor: Hold up, hold up. Like that?
Mike Zavala: Mm-hmm.
Brian Taylor: Turn it on.
Mike Zavala: So am I recording you?
[we see that Taylor has an identical small camera hooked on the front of his shirt]
Brian Taylor: Yes, dude. And I’m recording you.
Mike Zavala: Oh, that’s so cool.
[Taylor points to Zavala’s camera]
Brian Taylor: See, that thing there?
Mike Zavala: Yeah.
Brian Taylor: That is the lens right there.
[pointing to his own camera]
Brian Taylor: It’s just like that, on that, this right here.


 

[Taylor and Zavala are at the officers meeting with the Sarge]
Sarge: Hey guys, quiet down! Alright, let’s settle down. Let’s settle down. Captain’s here, he’d like to say a few words. Let’s quiet down.
Captain Reese: Thank you, Sergeant.
[turning to the officers]
Captain Reese: Good afternoon.
Officers: Good afternoon
[Taylor points his camera at Zavala]
Mike Zavala: Put it down.
Captain Reese: I’d like to welcome back Zavala and Taylor. D.A. cleared these guys in last month’s shooting. Turned out to be a good shooting. I know firsthand what you guys went through. It’s an unpleasant experience being under that much scrutiny. But you need to remember something. An on the job shooting is still considered a homicide. It’s never an easy ride. If you do the right thing, I will always have your back. Do the wrong thing and cross me, I will personally throw you under the bus. Am I clear?
Officers: Yes sir!
Captain Reese: Taylor, am I clear?
Brian Taylor: Yes sir.
Captain Reese: Sergeant, am I clear?
Sarge: Yes sir.
Captain Reese: Have a nice day.
Sarge: Thank you, Captain.
[Captain leaves the room]


 

[after the Captain leaves, Sarge continues the meeting]
Sarge: Quiet down!
[holds up a notebook]
Sarge: See this? It’s a ticket book. Inside are things called tickets.
Mike Zavala: Son of a bitch!
Sarge: You can do things like stop motorists, and cut citations for speeding or going through a light. You all need to write.
Davis: Sarge, we cut citations every watch.
Sarge: I’m not talking to you.
[pointing to Taylor and Zavala]
Sarge: I’m talking to these two idiots.
Brian Taylor: My partner has a question.
Sarge: Yes?
Mike Zavala: I don’t really know how to write. Uh, but I do sign and draw pictures.
Sarge: Seriously, you don’t start writing, Captain’s going to shit on my head, and in turn, I’m going to shit on your head. And I promise you, you guys are going to be separated.
Orozco: Do it, Sarge.
Sarge: Orozco and Davis, X Twenty-five. Peterson and Washington, X Forty One. Zavala and Taylor, you got X Thirteen. Williams and Cho, X Eight. Alameda and Green, X Twenty-one. Van Houser and Sook, X Four.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, Sarge? That’s not our area.
Sarge: That’s not your area?
Mike Zavala: No, we work Nine.
Sarge: Oh, I’m sorry, fellas.
Mike Zavala: No, that’s fine.
Sarge: Oh, no, you’re right. You’re on X Thirteen. Sorry fellas, this isn’t Monopoly. You don’t get to choose your real estate. Now go. Get out.
[everyone starts getting up to leave]
Sarge: Zavala, try not to, uh, kill anybody before the end of the watch.
Mike Zavala: Really, Sarge?
Brian Taylor: Sir, if we kill someone in X Thirteen, can we go back to X Nine?


 

[after their meeting as the cops head out]
Sarge: Today is a brand new day. Get the shop, gas the shop, wash the shop. Make sure day watch didn’t leave behind any surprises for us. Look for guns, drugs, puke.
Davis: Pay attention, Boot.
Brian Taylor: Goodbye.
Sarge: Hurry up!
Sook: Yes sir.
Brian Taylor: How you doing, Van Houser?
Van Hauser: I warned you about that shit.
Davis: Where you running with that piece, Boot?
Brian Taylor: What? Why you so scared?
Sook: Go, go, go!
Brian Taylor: Go on, man! Shit! Jesus!
Davis: It’s like it’s day one. Boot, slow down with that piece.
Brian Taylor: Slow down!
Mike Zavala: Orozco, have you been working out?
Orozco: Yeah, with your mom.


 

[to Taylor and Zavala as they walk to their patrol cars]
Orozco: Why are you shooting everything?
Mike Zavala: It’s for his class.
Davis: I thought you were studying law.
Brian Taylor: Pre-law. I need an art elective. I’m taking filmmaking.
Orozco: Well, get my good side, hey?
Mike Zavala: You don’t have a good side.
Orozco: Listen, you know they can subpoena that shit if something goes sideways, right? Think twice.
Brian Taylor: Two words! Erase button!
Orozco: Two words. Just because you guys think you’re these big ghetto gunfighters now, don’t mean you can be dropping your calls.
Brian Taylor: That was at least two dozen words.
Orozco: Well, I barely got a G.E.D. so what do you expect, white boy?
Brian Taylor: Unbelievable.


 

[to Taylor and Zavala as they get ready to get into their patrol cars]
Davis: Saddle up, ladies. We’re sick of holding up your end.
[Zavala says quietly to Taylor]
Mike Zavala: Admit it, you’d hit that shit.
Brian Taylor: What? Orozco?
Mike Zavala: Yeah.
Brian Taylor: With a cinderblock.
[to Sook]
Davis: Check the roof, Boot! Where’s your shop?
[to Zavala as he checks the trunk of their car]
Brian Taylor: I got Red Bull, Monster, and, uh…
Davis: They all say thirteen, check the roof.
Sook: Thank you, ma’am.
Davis: Faster, Boot, let’s go!
Van Hauser: Get in the car!
Sook: Yes sir!


 

[as they get into their patrol car]
Brian Taylor: And then I got you some kombucha because I know you like that stuff.
Mike Zavala: Fuck that shit!
Brian Taylor: What is that?


 

[Taylor and Zavala go out on patrol, both of them wearing clip-on cameras to capture everything]
Mike Zavala: Dude, it’s good to be back, man. Old lady was driving me crazy at the casa, like making me do shit.
[mocking Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Oh no! She dared ask for your help around the house? That’s incredible. Outrageous.
Mike Zavala: Hey, just ’cause I look like the dudes from Home Depot, doesn’t mean I do the shit the Home Depot dudes do.
Brian Taylor: I would never profile you as a man who helps his wife with chores.
Mike Zavala: Shut up.
Brian Taylor: Dude, I’m your homie, okay? I would never, ever do that.
[Taylor laughs]
Mike Zavala: Oh, bro!
Brian Taylor: Mm?
Mike Zavala: Her brother was always coming over during the day to swim. Every day. I hate everything about him. He smells like weed sometimes. Like he’s got, like a prescription. The guy was like: “No, it’s all good”, and I was like whatever, get him the hell out of here! I swear to God I’m filling in that pool with cement.
Brian Taylor: Not personally, ’cause you’ll hire a Home Depot dude for that task.
Mike Zavala: Fuck you.


 

[after they get a radio call to go check out an incident’s at a man’s house]
Brian Taylor: First customer of the day.
Mike Zavala: I hope they enjoy our police service.
[Taylor laughs]


 

[at their first call, they are at a man’s house, where he is shouting at Taylor and Zavala and acting violent]
Mr. Tre: Suck my dick! That motherfucker’s a lying ass ni**er. Fuck him and fuck you too!
[as Tre starts getting violent]
Brian Taylor: Hey, hey, hey! Shut your fucking…! You touch me, I will fucking shoot you. You stay where you are.
Mr. Tre: I don’t give a fuck about both of you motherfuckers. I’m ready to die today. Fuck y’all.
Brian Taylor: This can go one of several ways right now. It is all about your attitude.
Mr. Tre: Fuck you! I got my mail! I helped him! I helped him give me my mail! Now I’m getting tired of this shit!
Brian Taylor: Alright.
Mr. Tre: I’m not playing with you all.
Mike Zavala: Sir, if you’ve been drinking, you need to stay the fuck inside and not intimidate the mailman. That’s it.
Mr. Tre: Fuck you! You need to shut the fuck up! Because without that badge and gun, you ain’t shit!
Mike Zavala: Yeah?
Mr. Tre: You’re less than motherfucking nothing! You motherfucking border hopping, donkey riding, Mexican motherfucker.
Mike Zavala: Oh yeah?! Oh, yeah?! Is that so?!
Brian Taylor: Woh! Woh! Woh!
Mr. Tre: You want to find out what I’m about?
Mike Zavala: Show me! Yeah, I want to see!
Mr. Tre: You want to find out what I’m about?!
Brian Taylor: Fuck.
Mike Zavala: Let’s settle this right here like grown men, motherfucker!
Brian Taylor: Not again, man.
Mr. Tre: What’d you say? You want to take a fade? You want to fight me?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, I want to fight you. Let’s go, bro!


 

[as Zavala and Tre continue to throw abuse at each other]
Mr. Tre: I’ll whip your punk ass! You going to get the fuck out of my crib?
Mike Zavala: Hell, no! But you called me out, bro! Now I’m calling you out! What’s up?
Mr. Tre: You whip my ass, I’ll put them motherfucking handcuffs on my motherfucking self. And that’s on the set.
[Taylor sees the door to the house open and closes it]
Brian Taylor: Door.
[Tre takes off his shirt, getting ready to fight Zavala]
Mr. Tre: It’s going to be a pleasure beating your bitch ass. It’s my fucking fantasy.
Mike Zavala: Keep talking.
Mr. Tre: I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re fucking with, but I love this shit. To beat a motherfucking punk-ass police ass like yours.
Mike Zavala: Keep talking, bro.
Mr. Tre: Let’s get this shit popping, motherfucker.
[Zavala and Tre start fighting]
Brian Taylor: Oh, shit!
[Taylor watches and captures their fight on his camera]
Brian Taylor: This shit’s crazy!


 

[to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Fucking kick his ass! Come on! Come on, Z!
[eventually Tre knocks down Zavala and starts kicking him]
Brian Taylor: Yoh, Z, Z, Z!
Mr. Tre: Now, get the fuck up. You like that? This ain’t no wrassling match.
[to Zavala as he gets up]
Brian Taylor: You alright? You alright? You alright?
[Zavala gestures to Tre to continue fighting]
Mike Zavala: Come on!
[Zavala hits the man hard]
Brian Taylor: Come on, man!
[Zavala pushes Tre hard against the wall, Taylor points the camera to himself]
Brian Taylor: That’s what happens when you fuck with the police.
[Zavala repeatedly punches Tre]
Brian Taylor: Yeah, come on. Take him! Take him! Take him! Take him!
[Zavala continues to punch Tre]
Mr. Tre: Fuck you! Border hopping, motherfucker!
[Zavala eventually wins the fight]
Brian Taylor: You alright?
Mike Zavala: Gimme the hooks.
[Taylor throws Zavala the handcuffs and Zavala drops it in front of Tre]


 

[later that night, Tre and his gang members are talking about his run in with the police]
Man Friend: But on some real shit, though, I wanted to holler at you. All my ni**ers keep on talking about how you got your ass whipped by a motherfucking little punk-ass wonton.
Mr. Tre: No, these ni**ers are just hating. Let me tell you something. Me and the cop got down, right? Motherfucker took off his badge, dropped his gun. I mean, he kept it gangster. We straight up squabbled. Head up.
Man Friend: But they still took you to the County though, huh?
Mr. Tre: Yeah, but for disorderly conduct. Not for squabbling with the police, you feel me?
CK: You fought a cop and they didn’t put no assaulting a peace officer on you?
Mr. Tre: Listen to me, my nigga. I’m trying to tell you all. They really showed me love to keep it G. I’m a two time felon, right? Y’all know that, right? Could have struck me out and gave me life for fighting that cop, you feel me? I got right out, it wasn’t shit.
CK: Alright, but we heard you got your ass beat.
Mr. Tre: You better shut the fuck up, CK. I’ll run this fucking fork up in your ass, I swear to God. Let me tell you something, win, lose or draw, as long as you squabble and get down, that’s gangster, you understand what I’m saying?
CK: Yeah. I mean, that Mexican cop might be acting bull with you, Tre. But he’s still out there out there killing ni**ers. Straight out.
Mr. Tre: No, no, no, no. Listen to me, all y’all. This whole fucking thing is like changing of the guard. Back in the day, all these neighborhoods used to be black, and what are they now?
CK: Mexicans.
Mr. Tre: Exactly. There used to be chicken stands on the corner, and now there’s fucking taco stands on every corner. We’re in some real shit and if we don’t come together, we’re going to be some extinct ni**ers pretty soon.
CK: Watch it, watch it, watch it!
DJ: Go, go, go!
[suddenly a van with Mexican gang members drives by and shoot at Tre and his gang, killing one]


 

[after the Mexican gang members have attacked and shot at Tre’s gang]
La La: Fuck yeah! We got those putos! We got them! Eat shit, motherfuckers!
Big Evil: Fuck!
La La: Show those putos whose neighborhood this fucker is! Shit.
Big Evil: Fucking proud of you. And that’s what I’m fucking telling you. Good. That was fucking good. That’s what I’m fucking telling you. I’m proud of you. Fucking did it, man. That’s what I’m fucking talking about when I’m fucking proud of you, man. Fucking proud of you man now you’re a fucking man. Right?
Demon: Right, homie.
Big Evil: Right?
Demon: Right.
Big Evil: Alright then. No fucking fear, man. No fucking fear. That’s how we fucking do it, man. That’s how we fucking do it, man.


 

[the next morning, Taylor and Zavala find the Mexican gang’s van, burnt to a crisp]
Brian Taylor: So this is what we believe to be the Code thirty-seven vehicle used in the drive-by last night.
Mike Zavala: Curbside Gang’s at it again, bro.
Brian Taylor: It fits the description. It comes back as stolen. Curbside likes these vehicles because they blend in, you can put a lot of people in them. This door slides back, and the gang members open fire. The victim was a male black from a Blood set that has basically been at war with this Hispanic gang over control of narcotic sales.
Mike Zavala: Partner.
Brian Taylor: Yeah? What’s up?
Mike Zavala: Check this out.
[Zavala points to shell casings found inside the van]
Brian Taylor: Oh, shit. Those are shell casings. Detectives told us that three different weapons were used and we’re seeing at least two kinds of shells, so, shit.
[Zavala clears his throat as a warning]
Brian Taylor: What’s up?
[Taylor looks round and see two detectives approaching them]
Brian Taylor: Those are the Homicide Detectives working the case.
Homicide Detective 1: What the hell’s this?
Brian Taylor: What?
Homicide Detective 1: Candid Camera?
[the homicide detective grabs Taylor’s camera]
Brian Taylor: Oh, no, sir. It’s just a project I’m working on.
Homicide Detective 1: Yeah?
Brian Taylor: Yeah.
Homicide Detective 1: Well, I don’t want to see that.
Brian Taylor: There are, uh, forty-five and nine millimeter shell casings inside.
Homicide Detective 2: How do you know that? Did you touch them? Did you fuck up my vehicle?
Brian Taylor: No, sir.
Mike Zavala: Sir. Sir, we found it, we called you.
Homicide Detective 1: Well, the big dogs are here now, so set up some yellow tape and stand on the other side of it.


 

Brian Taylor: Dude, it’s been two hours, we’re still waiting for the detectives to release the scene so we can go back on patrol.
Mike Zavala: Comfortable footwear. Policing is all about comfortable footwear.
[they see Van Hauser and his partner arrive on the scene]
Brian Taylor: Officer Van Hauser. Good evening.
Van Hauser: Sarge said I should relieve you guys so you can go back to being the street gods that you are.
Mike Zavala: I’m down with that.
[to Sook, as she follows him passed the yellow tape]
Van Hauser: Hey! Hey! On the street. Watch the street. Make sure no assholes come up here and kill us.
Sook: Yes, sir.
Van Hauser: Fucking Christ.
[mocking Van Hauser]
Brian Taylor: Officer Van Hauser, have you made a difference today?
Van Hauser: You know I see you guys out here, you’re being good little company men, aren’t you? Are you doing the Lord’s work? And you’re making a difference, as you call it. It’s all fun and games to you, you get to run and jump and fight and shoot. One day, mark my words, one day the LAPD is going to bend you over your black and white, and they are going to fuck you up the ass. They are going to fuck you so long and so hard, you’re going to want to eat your gun just to make it stop. And if you don’t eat your gun and the fucking somehow magically stops, they’re going to give you freeway therapy. You’re going to end up doing West End Valley day watch. Spending two hours every day on the fucking freeway just thinking about the fucking that they gave you. Bad guys attack from up front. The department comes in from the rear. Watch your six.
Mike Zavala: I’m ready.
[holding up a hand gel]
Mike Zavala: This may say Purell but It’s really KY.
Van Hauser: Officer Zavala. That’s funny. You kids have fun out there. The LAPD’s got a big fucking cock.
Brian Taylor: You’ve got a big heart. Thank you for sharing that. Can’t wait to get it up the ass.


 

[whilst patrolling in their car]
Mike Zavala: You know, are you going to hook up with a Mexican girl?
Brian Taylor: Quit trying to hook me up with them, dude.
Mike Zavala: Dude, it’d be great if you did, but…
Brian Taylor: I get it, man.
Mike Zavala: Well, shit. Sweet brown sugar. You should marry one of my cousin.
Brian Taylor: If they’re anything like you I wouldn’t be able to stand a fucking hour with them. Waking up in the morning, they’d be like; ‘Hey, can I tell you a story?’
Mike Zavala: I know.
Brian Taylor: ‘Here’s a story about this and a story about that and a story about this and a story about that…
Mike Zavala: But, dude, all you got to do is this…
[Zavala starts nodding his head]
Mike Zavala: ‘Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.’
Brian Taylor: ‘You want to come to my cousin’s quinceanera? My daughter’s quinceanera? My brother’s quinceanera?’
Mike Zavala: Yeah.
Brian Taylor: My sister’s quinceanera?
Mike Zavala: There’s always something happening, though, bro. It’s better than like; ‘Hey, do you know the new kind of flavored coffee I have?’
Brian Taylor: Oh really?
Mike Zavala: ‘Do you like this kind of coffee?’
Brian Taylor: Shut the fuck up.
Mike Zavala: ‘The baristas are excellent.’
Brian Taylor: You like fucking coffee, dude. Don’t give me that shit.
Mike Zavala: I like fucking good Starbucks coffee.
Brian Taylor: Whatever. I’ll let you lay into me. Lay into me, dude. Fine.


 

[knocking at the door of a house after they get a call about missing children]
Brian Taylor: I can’t see dick.
[a woman opens the door]
Young Mother: Hi.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, we got a call about, uh, some missing children.
Young Mother: Yes, yes. My babies are gone.
Brian Taylor: Alright.
Young Mother: My babies are gone.
Brian Taylor: You want to let us in? We can talk. We can have a conversation about this, alright?
Young Mother: Okay. Okay.
[she lets Taylor and Zavala in to her house]
Young Mother: Yeah, my babies are gone. They’ve been missing all night, and I’ve been here.
Brian Taylor: Why don’t you just step over here for a second, okay?
Young Mother: Officer, we’re wasting time.
[Taylor and Zavala see a man sleeping on the couch, Zavala tries to wake him up]
Mike Zavala: Sir, let me see your hands.
Brian Taylor: How many children are missing?
Young Mother: Oh, Oh! Two, two. A boy and a girl.
Brian Taylor: Ma’am.
Young Mother: Yes, yes.
Brian Taylor: What are the ages of the children that are missing?
Young Mother: One is, one is one and the other be three.
Brian Taylor: Alright.


 

[as Zavala tries to wake the man sleeping on the couch]
Mike Zavala: Sir!
Young Mother: Somebody took them.
[to the man on the couch]
Mike Zavala: Let me see your hands, please.
Young Mother: Maybe it was when I went to the bathroom.
[to the man on the couch]
Mike Zavala: Let me see your hands, please. Let me see your hands.
Brian Taylor: Alright. Okay. Okay, ma’am.
Young Mother: Someone! Quick, quick, quick!
Brian Taylor: How many…
Young Mother: In and out! In and out! In and out!
[eventually the man on the couch gets up]
Man Friend: Alright! Alright! Alright!
Mike Zavala: Hands behind your head!
Young Mother: I’ve been here all night.
[as Zavala checks under the couch cushions]
Man Friend: Listen, man. Officer, we’re good here.
[to the woman]
Man Friend: Listen, don’t say anything to them, man. Don’t say…!
Young Mother: I know, but they’re not here. They’re gone. The babies are gone.
[to the man]
Mike Zavala: What did you say?


 

Brian Taylor: Okay. You know what? I’m going to check the house, okay?
Young Mother: Listen to me, officer! Please, listen to me! I’m trying to tell you, I’ve been looking…!
Man Friend: The kids are with their grandma.
Brian Taylor: Is this your husband?
[to the man]
Mike Zavala: Sit the fuck down! Sit the fuck down!
Young Mother: No, no, that’s not my husband. I’ve been looking.
Brian Taylor: I understand. I’m going to check the house. Sometimes children can hide. They hide under a bed or in a closet, okay? My partner, you can talk to my partner.
Young Mother: You’re wasting time! The kids are not here!
Man Friend: The kids are at grandma’s!
Young Mother: If you can please go outside and get my kids.
Brian Taylor: Talk to my partner.
Young Mother: Right now you’re wasting time!
[Zavala gets hold of her arm]
Young Mother: Stop! Don’t push me! My babies are missing!
[as Taylor goes outside to check the house, we can hear what’s happening inside]
Man Friend: Here, let me see some type of warrant, man! You got a warrant? Officer, let me see some type of warrant.
Mike Zavala: We don’t need a warrant, she let us in.
Man Friend: Why the fuck did you say anything?! Huh?! You stupid…! Why the fuck did you say anything?!
Mike Zavala: Sit down, man. Can you just sit down.


 

Man Friend: I’m trying to tell you, man, the kids are with their grandma, man. Okay?
Mike Zavala: I heard you. They’re with their grandma.
Young Mother: Would you please listen to me, Officer?
Man Friend: Officer, let me see some type of warrant, man!
[we see Taylor still checking around the house then we go back to the Zavala]
Man Friend: Shut the fuck up!
Young Mother: You shut the fuck up!
Man Friend: Why the hell did you let them in here?
Young Mother: Press charges on this motherfucker!
Man Friend: You fucking bitch, I’m going to kill you!
Young Mother: I’m going to kill you, motherfucker!
[suddenly Taylor comes back into the room and holds down the man]
Man Friend: Get the fuck off me!
Mike Zavala: What the fuck’s happening?
Man Friend: Wait a minute! Alright! Alright!
Brian Taylor: Did you? Did you hear what I said to you? You just let me know how clear I have to make myself to you! Why don’t you open your fucking mouth and tell me how clear I have to make myself to you!
Mike Zavala: Partner! Partner! Get off him!
[Brian let’s go of the man]
Mike Zavala: Brian, what’s up? You okay, partner? What’s happening, Brian?
[the couple continue to argue in the background]
Man Friend: Fuck you, you dumb-ass smoking bitch!
Young Mother: I’m going to kick you in the fucking face!
Man Friend: Go ahead! Go ahead, you fucking crackhead!
Brian Taylor: I found the kids.
[we hear one of the babies crying and Taylor and Zavala go to get them, we see the kids have been duct taped in the back room]
Brian Taylor: Ssh. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay now. You’re okay. Ssh.
[he tries to take the duct tape of the crying baby]
Brian Taylor: It’s okay. It’s okay, sweetheart.
[Zavala goes the little boy and tries to take the duct tape off him]
Mike Zavala: Hey buddy, stay still.
Brian Taylor: Alright, you’re okay now.
Mike Zavala: Hey, come here. You okay? Okay, you got to take care of your sister?


 

[as they patrol around at night, Zavala makes fun of Taylor as he’s texting a girl]
Mike Zavala: It’s so funny. It’s so funny to text. Who are you texting? That same bitch?
Brian Taylor: Dude, yeah. She’s smart, man. She’s like the first girl I can actually have a conversation with. You know she has a Master of Sciences in Fluid Hydraulics.
Mike Zavala: Fluid Hydraulics?
Brian Taylor: Yes.
Mike Zavala: I wouldn’t brag about that, dude. That she has a master’s degree in Fluid Hydraulics.
Brian Taylor: I date all these girls, man. And they’re smoking hot.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, your little fucking badge bunnies
Brian Taylor: I get laid without a badge, thank you very much.
Mike Zavala: Because you were in the Marines. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Brian Taylor: There’s a pattern, an M.O. here. First date is dinner and a respectful kiss. Second date is dinner, full carnal knowledge. And then third date is dinner and uncomfortable silences when I try and discuss anything of merit. Then it’s two or three booty calls and it’s on to the next.
Mike Zavala: Okay, I went to prom and I got married a week later. And I ain’t tapped anybody but Old Faithful for like eight years. So, I don’t know what you’re tripping about, dude.
Brian Taylor: Okay. Wait, look at me real quick.
Mike Zavala: Uh-huh.
[Zavala looks at Taylor quickly]
Brian Taylor: Okay, ready?
Mike Zavala: Okay.
Brian Taylor: I want somebody to talk to, not just sleep with. Do you fucking understand what I’m saying?
Mike Zavala: Oh! Yeah!
Brian Taylor: Jesus, dude.


 

Mike Zavala: White people get hung up on this fucking soul mate bullshit. Just hook up with a chick that can cook and wants kids. Some bitch that’s down for you, that won’t fuck your friends, and you’re straight. Dude, you’re the smartest motherfucker I know, you’re not going to find some chick that’s as smart as you.
Brian Taylor: Oh, really, dude?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, what?
Brian Taylor: Really? I’m sorry that the perfect girl wasn’t dropped in front of me when I was eighteen years old. Do you talk to Gabby? Do you even have discussions with the girl? Do you want me to translate that into fucking His Spanish?
Mike Zavala: Into Hispanic?
Brian Taylor: Whatever the fuck it is!
[Zavala laughs at Taylor]
Mike Zavala: Yeah, bro. What do you think, we’re mutes? And we just, mmm, like sign to each other? Yeah we talk, stupid. Gabby’s a trip. You know she’s a trip, bro. You should hear the shit that comes out of her mouth. You know what? She would be great on Jeopardy. She’s way smarter than I am.
Brian Taylor: Alright, so you see then what I’m talking about. That’s all I want, man.
Mike Zavala: I know you want a chick like my girl, but I’ll kill you if you touch her.
Brian Taylor: Fuck! I’m going to kill you, dude! Shut up, man!
[Zavala laughs at Taylor]
Mike Zavala: What’s this chick’s name, dude?
Brian Taylor: You don’t deserve to fucking know her name.
[suddenly Zavala takes Taylor’s cell phone]
Brian Taylor: Woh! Woh! Woh! Dude, fuck that!
[Zavala finds the girls name in Taylor’s phone]
Mike Zavala: Janet. Did you run her?
Brian Taylor: Yes, she’s clean. She’s kind of the complete package, man. It’s like… We’re going out again.
Mike Zavala: Well, Saturday’s my little sister’s quinceanera. You should roll through with Janet from another planet. Dude, the shit’s going to be hardcore Mexican, though, bro. You know how my familia rolls.


 

[the Mexican gang are having a party at a club, Big Evil notices a girl walking by]
Big Evil: Hey, mija.
Wicked: What’s up?
Big Evil: Come here, baby girl. Drink the Jim Jones, baby, come on.
[the girl takes the cup and starts drinking from it]
Big Evil: Hey baby? Tell me something. You ever fucked on heroin?
Wicked: Yeah, right!
Big Evil: I could fuck forever on that shit. I’ll eat your pussy for hours, girl.
La La: Oh, get the fuck over here. Fuck that fool, he’s crazy, he’s tripping. You’re my fucking lady. I’ll buy you shit. You see.
[takes out a wad of cash]
La La: This shit right here? It’s fucking money. Real shit. What you like? Come here.
Wicked: Okay.


 

[Taylor and Zavala get a call about a noise complaint from Big Evil’s party, backup shows up with them and they all walk into the party, Taylor approaches Big Evil]
Brian Taylor: What’s the occasion?
[Big Evil doesn’t reply]
Brian Taylor: Can you, uh, turn down the music?
[La La gives a signal and the music is turned off, La La then lights up her weed]
Orozco: Have some respect, La La. Don’t light up in front of us.
La La: Why don’t you take a hit, mija. It’ll chill you out. It’ll be like back in the days. Remember?
Orozco: No, I don’t remember shit. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I said put it out.
La La: You know you want this, pig.
Orozco: I wouldn’t fucking touch that if you were the last bitch on earth.
La La: Fuck you.
Orozco: No, fuck you. Why don’t you take a seat? You look in the mirror, you’re just a common fucking gangster bitch, like all the rest.
Davis: Lock it up, Orozco.
Orozco: Why don’t you sit your ass down?
La La: Why don’t you do what the fuck they tell you, puppet?
Orozco: Want me to make you?
Davis: Lock it up, partner.
La La: You know what? I’ll fucking sit down now.
Orozco: Thank you. Thank you very much.
[La La goes and sits next to Big Evil]


 

Brian Taylor: So Mr. Big Evil, why do they call you Big Evil?
Big Evil: Because, my evil is big.
[Big Evil and his gang all stare at Taylor and the other cops]
Brian Taylor: Can you turn down the music, because we got a noise complaint or some shit.
[Taylor turns and walks off]


 

[Zavala’s cousin’s birthday party, Brian has brought Janet]
Brian Taylor: Cindy, what’s up? I wanted to introduce you to Janet.
Janet: Hi. It’s so nice to meet you. Happy birthday.
Cindy: Thank you.
Janet: You look beautiful.
Cindy: Thank you.
Gabby: Pick up your dress so you don’t step on it.
Cindy: Yeah.
Gabby: You look beautiful.
Cindy: I got to go. Bye!
Gabby: Bye
Mike Zavala: All grown up.
Gabby: He spoils her.
Mike Zavala: But I want to give you the lowdown.
Janet: I’m listening. I’m listening.
Mike Zavala: So, everybody here is pretty much family, like somehow. They’re all Mexican family. You got cousins and you got aunts and uncles just like everything else and then you got cousins’ cousins. And then you have Brian.
[Brian and Gabby laugh]
Mike Zavala: You stick around, you’re going to see somebody throw up, a couple fights. It’s fun. It’s fun.
Gabby: Enough, enough, enough.
[to Janet]
Gabby: I’m sorry.


 

Janet: Well, I’m Irish, so it’s the same thing. Um, big families, and nobody ever gets divorced.
Brian Taylor: And they all wear purple.
Janet: Well, less purple, but just, just as much beer.
[Zavala laughs]
Janet: They get way too drunk and get in fistfights.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, same here.
Janet: But you mess with one person, you have the whole family after you.
Mike Zavala: Well, that’s the way to do it.
Brian Taylor: There you go.
Mike Zavala: You just described Mexican people.
[Zavala strokes Gabby’s pregnant belly]
Janet: Can I feel it? Is that okay?
Gabby: Yeah, he’s actually kicking a lot right now. Here.
[she takes Janet’s hand and puts it on her belly]
Gabby: And I think his feet are right there. Do you feel it?
Janet: Wow! Oh, my God!
Gabby: I like her, Brian.
[to Brian]
Mike Zavala: Buddy.
[they snap their beer bottles together and take a drink]
Janet: How long have you known Brian?
Gabby: Three years. He and Mike went to the Academy together, so.
Janet: Right.
[later that night Taylor and Janet go back to his apartment and have sex]


 

[the next morning, Janet takes Taylor’s camera and films him as he sleeps in bed]
Janet: Brian, it’s you.
[then she places the camera on a chair and films herself with a message for Taylor]
Janet: Hi. Um, I’m going to try not to wake you up. I can’t believe that I stayed over.
[she takes Taylor’s gun and holds it up to the camera]
Janet: This. This is interesting. I have never shot one before. Uh, maybe that could be our next date.
[she takes his wallet]
Janet: I did go through your wallet. I’m sorry. I am naturally curious. I hope that’s okay.
[she takes out a picture from his wallet]
Janet: got to love a guys who has a picture of his mom in his wallet.
[she takes out a piece of paper from his wallet]
Janet: Um, this?
[she opens the paper and reads from it]
Janet: Yeah. Kristin, Mia, Raquel, etcetera, etcetera. Um, you won’t be needing this anymore.
[she brings the camera close and kisses it as if it were Taylor, then goes over to the sleeping Taylor, wakes him up and lies next to him]
Janet: You were drooling.


 

[Taylor and Zavala are staking out Big Evil’s house]
Mike Zavala: What are we looking for again?
Brian Taylor: All the food groups; dope, money and guns.
Mike Zavala: The ghetto will provide, bro.
[Zavala notices their Sarge on patrol]
Mike Zavala: Fucking Sarge.
[Sarge drives up to their car]
Mike Zavala: Sarge, We’re staking out Curbside. They’re going to spot your unit.
Sarge: What, you think they don’t know you’re here? Van Hauser wants to file a complaint on you, Taylor.
Brian Taylor: Oh, USS Van Hauser? The LAPD’s stealthiest submarine, only surfaces at the end of watch?
Sarge: He said you were videotaping him. What did I tell you about that shit?
Mike Zavala: Why is he such a bitter dude? If he hates pushing the black and white so much, why doesn’t he just leave his badge on the watch commander’s desk and go home and eat a bowl of dicks?
[Taylor laughs]
Sarge: Have some empathy for this man. And, Taylor, I got to put in m log that I verbally counseled you about this fucking camera.
Brian Taylor: What?! I was documenting a crime scene.
Sarge: Have a good day, ladies.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, take it easy.
[Sarge drives off]


 

[continuing to stake Big Evil’s house, they see Big Evil’s mom give another guy a pot of soup]
Brian Taylor: Is that Big Evil’s mom right there?
Mike Zavala: His mom? Yeah, that’s Mrs. Evil. Who’s the cowboy?
Brian Taylor: I don’t know. He’s got money, look at his truck. I’m going to run him.
Mike Zavala: You want to jam this fool?
Brian Taylor: Yes, I do.
[referring to the cowboy’s license plate]
Brian Taylor: Plate’s clean.
Mike Zavala: Shit.
Brian Taylor: What’s our PC?
Mike Zavala: It’s that stupid CD hanging from his rearview mirror, obstructing his vision.
Brian Taylor: Let’s do this.
Mike Zavala: Alright.


 

[as they follow the guy in his car]
Mike Zavala: Come on, fucker. Wait, wait, wait!
[they see him make a turn as the CD hanging on his rearview mirror is obstructing his view]
Brian Taylor: Light them up.
[Taylor talks into the radio as they make the guy in the truck pull over and stop]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray-thirteen, we’re code six on three nine street east of Wall. License plate four boy one seven three two. Grey Dodge pickup.
Police Radio: Thirteen-x-thirteen, roger.
[the guy in the truck pulls over and stops]
Brian Taylor: Let’s get this fucker.
[Taylor and Zavala get out and go over to the truck, Zavala talks to him in Spanish as the guy doesn’t speak any English]
Mike Zavala: [subtitled] We stopped you because a CD is hanging from your mirror. Get out of the truck.
[suddenly the guy pulls a gun and almost hits Zavala, but Zavala grabs his arm and takes his gun]
Brian Taylor: Gun!
[Taylor points his gun at him]
Brian Taylor: Get the fuck out of the car! Get the fuck out of the car!
[the guy gets out and Zavala cuffs him]
Brian Taylor: You good, partner?
Mike Zavala: I’m good.


 

[just as they cuff the guy from the truck, back up arrives]
Orozco: You okay?
[Taylor gives the sign to her that they are fine]
Mike Zavala: Transport this son of a bitch.
Davis: Yeah, no problem.
[Davis takes him to their patrol car]
Mike Zavala: Check out this motherfucker’s burner, bro.
[shows the guy’s gun to Taylor]
Brian Taylor: Holy shit!
Mike Zavala: He’s got more bling than the old lady’s wedding ring.
[Davis and Orozco search the guy and find his cell phone]
Davis: A cell.
Brian Taylor: You don’t have any holes in you?
Mike Zavala: I’m good, bro. Let’s toss the truck.
Orozco: Hey, who was he shooting at?
Mike Zavala: What?
Orozco: Who was he shooting at?
Mike Zavala: Me.
Orozco: That’s fucked up, man.


 

[Taylor and Zavala open the back of the truck and Taylor takes out the pot of soup Big Evil’s mom had given him]
Brian Taylor: Fucking soup.
[Taylor tips the pot with is foot and finds stacks of cash in the soup]
Brian Taylor: Woo-hoo!
Mike Zavala: What’s up?
[Zavala walks over and notices the money]
Mike Zavala: Yoh, that’s big money right there, bro. Shit.
[Taylor finds something else in the back of the truck]
Brian Taylor: Oh, shit.
Orozco: What the fuck is it?
Mike Zavala: Homeboy’s a player, dude.
[Taylor turns to Orozco]
Brian Taylor: We got a surprise for you.
[Zavala holds up a gold plated AK-47]
Mike Zavala: Liberace’s AK. What?!
Orozco: Holy shit.


 

[back at the station as they do the paperwork, Taylor films the gold plated AK-47 and the cash taken from the Mexican cowboy’s truck earlier]
Brian Taylor: Here we have two of the major food groups; money and guns.
[hold up the paperwork]
Brian Taylor: This is the lifeblood of our organization. Paperwork. The way red corpuscles carry oxygen through the body, paperwork carries information through the department.
Mike Zavala: What are corpuscles?
Captain Reese: Evening, guys.
Brian Taylor: Evening. How you doing, captain?
Mike Zavala: Sir.
Captain Reese: So this is it? These are the guns you took off the Cowboy?
Brian Taylor: Yeah.
Mike Zavala: Yes, sir.
Captain Reese: Mind if I pick them up?
[he picks up the gun]
Captain Reese: Fancy. That’s some nice hardware.
[he then picks up the AK-47]
Captain Reese: Yeah, I heard he took a shot at you. Are you okay?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, I’m fine.
Brian Taylor: He’s good.
Captain Reese: Good.
Mike Zavala: Liberace’s AK.
Captain Reese: Looks like Liberace’s AK.
[Captain puts the gun back down]
Captain Reese: Keep up the good work, guys. I really appreciate it. Carry on.
Mike Zavala: Thank you.
Brian Taylor: Good evening, sir.
[Captain turns to walk out and we see Van Hauser sat behind Taylor and Zavala]
Captain Reese: Good night, Van Hauser.
Van Hauser: Evening, sir.


 

[after the Captain walks out]
Mike Zavala: Why do you get nervous?
Brian Taylor: Women want him, men want to be him, man. He’s just…
Mike Zavala: Yeah, I know. But you want him.
Brian Taylor: Dude, I’m not gay, but I’d go down on him if he asked.
Mike Zavala: Sometimes I don’t know when you’re kidding. And I have to know when you’re kidding.
Brian Taylor: I’m not kidding.
Mike Zavala: I got to know when you’re kidding.
Brian Taylor: I’m not kidding.
[Taylor laughs]
Brian Taylor: Oh, dude, I got to go. I’m taking Janet to the Philharmonic.
Mike Zavala: Enjoy your white people shit.
Brian Taylor: Oh. thanks. I’ll bring you back a burrito.
Mike Zavala: No problem.
[we then see as Taylor and Janet are driving to Las Vegas singing “Hey Ma” by Cam’ron together]


 

[during a night patrol, Zavala starts yawning]
Brian Taylor: Oh, dude, stop! Stop, man. Fuck.
[Taylor starts yawning too, he looks over at Zavala who looks like he’s about to sleep as he’s driving]
Brian Taylor: What are you going to say to the taxpayers when you crash the fucking car? Drink more coffee.
Mike Zavala: Dude, I’m on my ninth fucking Red Bull.
Brian Taylor: Look, we got a fire.
Mike Zavala: Where?
Brian Taylor: Go left.
[Taylor radios into the station]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen, we’re code six on a structure fire.
[to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: What’s that address?
Mike Zavala: One, zero, zero, two.
[Taylor radio’s in the address]
Brian Taylor: One zero zero two Sixth Street. Go ahead and send RA and fire.
Police Radio: Thirteen-x-thirteen, roger on the RA.


 

[as Taylor and Zavala get to the house on fire, a woman runs out crying]
Woman at Burning House: My babies! My babies are in there!
Brian Taylor: Where? Where?
Woman at Burning House: They’re upstairs in the bedroom.
[Zavala starts running into the house]
Brian Taylor: Z, no! Yoh! Yoh! Yoh! Z! Z! Wait for fire brigade!
[Zavala runs into the house and Taylor follows]
Brian Taylor: Fuck!
[inside the house]
Mike Zavala: Over there, kids room!
Brian Taylor: Shit!
[Taylor starts coughing from all the smoke in the house]
Mike Zavala: Dude, it’s the kids room, come on! Come here.
[Zavala finds a boy]
Mike Zavala: Hey, come here, come here.
[to the kid]
Mike Zavala: Go with him! Go with him!
Brian Taylor: Come here. Come here. Come here. Wrap your arms around me. Wrap your arms around me. There you go. Wrap your legs around me. You got it. There you go.
I’m going down, Z.
[Zavala gets the other boy]
Mike Zavala: Come on, come on, come on. Wrap your leg around me. Okay, there you go. Come on.
[suddenly there’s a loud banging noise]
Brian Taylor: Z, you alright?
Mike Zavala: I’m good! I’m good!
Brian Taylor: Come on.
[as they try to find their way out of the house down the stairs]
Mike Zavala: Go, go, go, man!
Brian Taylor: I’m going, man! Fuck!
Mike Zavala: Come on, put your head right here!
Brian Taylor: Come on!
Mike Zavala: Let’s go! Let’s go! Come down!
Brian Taylor: Come on, man!


 

[as Taylor and Zavala make it out of the burning house with the two boys]
Woman at Burning House: Where’s my baby girl?! Where is she?!
Mike Zavala: Wait! Wait! Wait! Lady, you got more kids?
Woman at Burning House: My girl! She’s two!
Mike Zavala: Oh, shit!
[Zavala starts running back into the house]
Brian Taylor: No! Z! Z! No! Come on!
[Taylor follows Zavala back into the burning house]
Brian Taylor: Go, go, go! Get up! Fuck, it’s hot! Goddamn it!
[Zavala finds the little girl]
Mike Zavala: Come here, babe. Come here.
Brian Taylor: Cover her face! Put that blanket around her face!
Mike Zavala: I got her! I got her!
[as the fire gets worse]
Mike Zavala: I can’t breathe, bro! Come on! Go, go, go!
Brian Taylor: Ah, I can’t see, man! Where you at?
Mike Zavala: I’m right here! Follow the light.
Brian Taylor: I can’t see you.
Mike Zavala: I’m right here!
[Zavala manages to get hold of Taylor’s hand and drags him out from the fallen debris]
Mike Zavala: Come on.
Brian Taylor: I got her! I got her! Shit.


 

[both Taylor and Zavala manage to get out of the burning house with the little girl, where the firemen and paramedics are outside, both Taylor and Zavala are choking from inhaling too much smoke]
Paramedic: Stay still. Stay still.
Mike Zavala: Fuck, you got her, man!
Brian Taylor: Fuck, I can’t see out of my…!
[Taylor starts choking]
Brian Taylor: Where’s Z, dude?
Mike Zavala: I’m right here, dude!
Paramedic: I’m going to check you out, sit down right here. Sit down right here. I’m going to check your eyes. Can you open your eyes?
[to one of the paramedics]
Mike Zavala: You alright, boy? Give me a bottle of water.
Brian Taylor: Z! Z!
[to one of the paramedics]
Mike Zavala: Get the fuck away, man!
[to Taylor]
Mike Zavala: I’m right here. I’m right here. I’m right here. Get away. Get away, bro.
[Taylor starts panicking and crying]
Mike Zavala: I’m right here, dude.
Brian Taylor: Fuck, man.
[Zavala holds Taylor]
Mike Zavala: Get away, dude. I’m right here. Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Brian Taylor: I’m fucking freaking out here.
Mike Zavala: Shut up, shut up! We’re good, we’re good. Shut up.


 

[back at the station, Taylor and Zavala receive a standing ovation, and then they receive Medal of Valor for their act of bravery]
LAPD Chief of Police: For their selfless actions and their exemplary service to the citizens of this city, the Medal of Valor is presented to Officer Brian Taylor, and Officer Miguel Zavala.


 

[another day out on patrol, Taylor and Zavala stop off at a convenient store]
Brian Taylor: You feel like a hero?
Mike Zavala: What?
Brian Taylor: You feel like a hero?
Mike Zavala: No.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, me neither.
[there’s silence between them for a moment]
Brian Taylor: What’s a hero feel like?
Mike Zavala: I don’t know, man. Did I tell you that me and, uh, Gabby got into a huge fight over the fire?
Brian Taylor: Nope, you didn’t tell me that.
Mike Zavala: She was, she’s like; ‘you could have died for someone else’s kid when ours hasn’t even been born yet.’ She’s like; ‘you’re not a fireman.’
Brian Taylor: Janet said the same thing.
Mike Zavala: Yeah?
Brian Taylor: Um, I don’t think I can go into another burning building. I only went in because you did. Just put that shit out there.


 

Mike Zavala: Alright, dickhead, what is it?
Brian Taylor: You remember that cowboy with the blinged out AK?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, he’s probably my cousin.
Brian Taylor: I crisscrossed some numbers on his cell. Couple addresses come up in our basic area.
Mike Zavala: You’re not a detective.
Brian Taylor: That guy is something. He’s into something.
Mike Zavala: Oh really, you think?
Brian Taylor: Dude, DA didn’t buy the ADW and only filed on the weapons beef. Gang Unit says they’ll get it him but they’re too busy or some shit. And Narco’s not interested because we didn’t find dope.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, but you’re not a detective.
Brian Taylor: You’re not a fireman.
Mike Zavala: Fuck you.
Brian Taylor: Follow me into the house, dude.
Mike Zavala: I said you’re not a detective.
Brian Taylor: I want to be a detective.
Mike Zavala: You want to be?
Brian Taylor: Follow me into the house, dude. Follow me into the house. Follow me into the house, dude.
[Zavala doesn’t reply and they leave the convenient store]


 

[back in their patrol car, Taylor radios into the station]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-thirteen with a code six at nine, three, one, eight, five, three street.
Police Radio: Thirteen-x-thirteen, roger.
[they stop off outside a house, Taylor checks out the garbage bags]
Brian Taylor: The fuck? What the fuck?! This is weird.
[suddenly they hear a scream coming from inside the house, Taylor radio’s in for backup]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen x-ray thirteen, you need to send us additional unit.
Police Radio: Thirteen-x-thirteen is requesting two additional units for a building search at one, zero, zero two, six street.
[Taylor and Zavala takes out their guns and Zavala knocks at the door, and speaks out in Spanish that it’s the police, a guy opens the door]
Tall Cowboy: It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s okay
[Zavala says something to the guy in Spanish, Taylor gets frustrated and moves forward]
Brian Taylor: Fuck this guy! Motherfucker!
[Taylor busts into the house]
Brian Taylor: Get that shit out of here.
[he cuffs the man and the man says something in Spanish]
Brian Taylor: I know what that means. Shut the fuck up, man! Spread your legs. Spread your fucking legs. Put your fucking head back.
[Zavala looks around he sees guns, money and pictures on the wall]
Brian Taylor: Gun, partner.
Mike Zavala: Oh, yeah?
[the man says something in Spanish]
Brian Taylor: Get your fucking head back.


 

[after cuffing the man, Taylor searches him finds another gun on him]
Brian Taylor: Another gun, partner.
Mike Zavala: Two, huh?
[Taylor finds some money on the man]
Brian Taylor: Wads of cash.
[to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Alright, tell him to get on his knees.
[Zavala instructs the man in Spanish]
Brian Taylor: Get the fuck over here.
[Taylor radios into the station]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen. We’ve got one in custody.
Police Radio: Thirteen-x-thirteen, roger.
Brian Taylor: Alright, we’re good.
Mike Zavala: Alright.
[Zavala moves forward and pulls away a curtain]
Brian Taylor: What do we got?
Mike Zavala: Check it out, partner. I got this motherfucker.
[Zavala moves back to watch over the handcuffed man as Taylor moves forward]
Brian Taylor: Oh, my God.
[we see that behind the curtain was cage holding over thirty people held inside, at that moment backup arrives on scene, referring to the cuffed man]
Mike Zavala: Take my buddy.
Davis: What the fuck, Zavala, you catch them, I clean them?
Mike Zavala: Take him.
Brian Taylor: I don’t know, we got like…
[suddenly a banging noise is heard from outside]
Mike Zavala: I’m going to go outside.
Brian Taylor: Yoh, Z, you good?
Mike Zavala: I’m good, bro.
Brian Taylor: Z!
Mike Zavala: I’m good.


 

[outside, Zavala questions the man caught inside the house in Spanish]
Mike Zavala: [subtitled] What are you doing with all these people?
Tall Cowboy: [subtitled] You’re a fucking asshole. Asshole.
[suddenly the Feds arrive on the scene]
Brian Taylor: What the fuck? Woh! Woh! Woh! Woh! Alright!
Fed Agent: Federal agents. Who’s in charge here? Are you in charge?
Brian Taylor: What the fuck?
Fed Agent: I need to know who’s in charge here. Is this man under arrest?
Brian Taylor: Yes, sir.
Fed Agent: What are the charges against this man? Turn that fucking camera off!
Brian Taylor: It’s off.
Fed Agent: Get that fucking camera off me.
Brian Taylor: The fucking camera’s off, man.
Fed Agent: You guys fucked up. Just lost a POI because of you guys.
[to one of his men]
Fed Agent: Are we clear in there?
Fed Agent #1: Clear.
[whispering to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: What the fuck, bro?
Mike Zavala: What did we fuck up?
Brian Taylor: I don’t fucking know, dude. Who the fuck is this guy?
Mike Zavala: I don’t fucking know.


 

[Taylor and Zavala watch as the Feds get out and check the people that were held in the cage inside the house]
Brian Taylor: Dude, I just want to fucking talk to this guy.
Mike Zavala: Let’s just get out of here.
Brian Taylor: I want to fucking talk to him just for a second. Come on.
Mike Zavala: Go ahead.
[Taylor walks up to the Federal Agent heading up the investigation]
Brian Taylor: Sir, I don’t want to cause any trouble here, but we just fucking, we rolled up
here, I don’t know what’s going on. This is the second cowboy like this we’ve run into in a week.
Fed Agent: Watch out for these guys. They operate by a different set of rules.
Brian Taylor: I know I’m just a ghetto street cop but you got to give me something here.
Fed Agent: We’ve got indicators he’s a runner for the Sinaloa Cartel.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, but we ran him, he came up clean.
Fed Agent: You guys don’t have the proper clearance for any of this information, but I’m going to throw you a bone. Cartels are operating here. We’re on it. Be careful.
Mike Zavala: What does that mean though?
Fed Agent: It means you and your homeboy need to power down. Because you just tugged on the tail of the snake and it’s going to turn around and bite you back. I’m throwing you a bone here. Be grateful for what I’m giving you.
Brian Taylor: I want to, I just wanted to turn around…
Fed Agent: I’m giving you a warning. Lay low.
Brian Taylor: Alright, dude. Can I get your name for my log?
Fed Agent: Negative. Move along.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, alright.
Mike Zavala: Sir, you know that there’s five year old kids in there?
Brian Taylor: Alright, Z.
Mike Zavala: For six months?
Brian Taylor: Z!
Fed Agent: Good bye. Get off the crime scene and go home.
Brian Taylor: Bye.
Fed Agent: Have a nice night.
Brian Taylor: Yep.
[as they get into their car]
Mike Zavala: Fucking feds.
Brian Taylor: Z, what the fuck, man?!
Mike Zavala: Fuck them.


 

[as they drive off, Taylor is angry at what he’d seen at the house]
Brian Taylor: Kids, women. Did you see that fucking toilet? Filled up with shit.
Mike Zavala: Dude, we had no fucking business being there. We didn’t even have a call there.
Brian Taylor: Dude, I didn’t know what we were fucking rolling up on! You think I knew what we were rolling up on?!
[there’s a moment of silence between them]
Brian Taylor: It’s human trafficking.


 

[an unknown amount of time later, Zavala’s wife has given birth to a boy and they are at the hospital]
Mike Zavala: He’s so cute. You did so good, baby.
[he kisses Gabby’s neck]
Mike Zavala: I love this smell. Just hold his head a little bit.
Gabby: I am. He’s fine.
Mike Zavala: Baby, you got to, you got to hold him like this, like a football.
Gabby: I know how to hold a baby.
[Zavala tries to show her again]
Gabby: Babe, please.
Mike Zavala: Like that.
[just then Taylor and Janet visit them]
Brian Taylor: Hey!
Janet: Hi!
Mike Zavala: Oh, hey partner. What’s up? Come here, dude.
[to the baby]
Gabby: Look who’s here.
Janet: How’s mama doing?
Gabby: Mama’s tired and cranky. Just like baby. Mama wants to choke Daddy.
Mike Zavala: Oh, come on, babe.
Brian Taylor: Did you name him Brian?
Mike Zavala: No, sorry, bro.
Gabby: He’s a junior. I named him after his daddy.
Brian Taylor: So what’s his name?
[Taylor and Janet laugh]
Mike Zavala: Fuck you, dude.
Janet: Can I hold him?
Gabby: Yeah.
[Janet holds the baby and looks over at Brian]
Janet: So sweet.
[Zavala and Gabby look at them]
Mike Zavala: You’re so done, bro.


 

[another night out on patrol, Zavala calls his wife]
Mike Zavala: Hey, baby. What are you wearing?
[he listens to her reply]
Mike Zavala: I can say it. What are you wearing?
[listens to her reply]
Mike Zavala: I don’t care. You still look good.
[listens to her again]
Mike Zavala: Yeah, Brian’s right here.
[Brian starts waving his hand, Zavala ignores him and listens to his wife]
Mike Zavala: Okay. Alright, sorry. Okay, I love you. Bye.
Brian Taylor: You didn’t even say hi, man.
Mike Zavala: She was pissed, dude.
Brian Taylor: How’d you know you were going to marry Gabby?
Mike Zavala: She told me. I was just some stoner working at my uncle’s muffler shop and one day she grabbed me by the shoulders and says, ‘we’re getting married and you’re joining the department because you can make a lot of money without a college degree.’ And I was like ‘fuck yeah!’
Brian Taylor: I mean, you love her. You guys, like, you never fight. You’re happy together.
Mike Zavala: She’s my bitch for sure, dude. I’m just telling you the way it went down. I popped her cherry in high school. She’s never been with anybody else. I’ve never wanted to be with anybody else. You know, it’s easy.


 

Brian Taylor: Things are getting super serious with Janet and me.
Mike Zavala: What, you just found that out? Did you read that in the paper or something? Homegirl owns your ass, dude.
Brian Taylor: Dude, she wants to move in. She’s always over, you know? Why spend the money on two apartments.
Mike Zavala: It’s not about the money.
Brian Taylor: No, no. Her parents are so traditional, dude.
Mike Zavala: Oh yeah?
Brian Taylor: They will go ballistic. But at least we can tell them we’re engaged, dude.
Mike Zavala: Woh! Hold up, bro. Don’t play with that shit. You don’t ask a broad to marry you because her folks are old school.
Brian Taylor: No, dude, you don’t understand.
Mike Zavala: No, dude, you don’t do that shit. Think about it, man. Dude, after you think about it, think about it again. Jesus. Marriage is forever. Just realize that. It’s a promise before God.
[there’s a moment of silence]
Mike Zavala: My grandma was really deep, dude. She’s seen it all. You know what I’m saying? When me and Gabby got engaged, bro, she asked me one thing. Do you want to hear it?
Brian Taylor: Fine, let’s hear it.
Mike Zavala: She said, can you live without her? And if the answer’s yes, man up and forget her. Don’t string her along. Think about it, bro. I did.


 

[as they continue patrolling, they hear a distress call on the police scanner]
Sook: Thirteen-x-ray, forty-three. Officer needs help!
Brian Taylor: Where?
Police Radio: Newton units, stand by. X forty-three, officer needs help. Thirteen x forty-three, what’s your location?
Sook: I don’t know!
Mike Zavala: What?!
Brian Taylor: That’s Van Hauser’s car, dude.
Mike Zavala: Come on, Boot!
Brian Taylor: Just book it south. Go, go, go.
[Taylor talks into the radio]
Brian Taylor: Find a street sign, put it out.
Sook: I don’t see any!
[Zavala swears in Spanish, Taylor talks into the radio again]
Brian Taylor: Is there a number on a house? A building number?
Sook: The house is three one seven seven!
[they hear Sook talking to someone]
Sook: Sir, back up!
[Sook screams]
Brian Taylor: Holy shit, bro! Hook a left on Maple.
[Taylor guesses the location and they drive towards it]


 

[as Taylor finds the location that Sook made the distress call from]
Brian Taylor: Right there! Right there! Bro! Go!
[Taylor speaks into his radio]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen show us code six at Compton and three one street.
[they find Van Hauser kneeling on the ground]
Van Hauser: Who is that? Who is that?
Brian Taylor: Taylor and Zavala.
[Zavala speaks into his radio]
Mike Zavala: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen, send me an airship to set up a perimeter.
[they see that Van Hauser has a knife in his eye]
Brian Taylor: Oh shit!
Van Hauser: Taylor, would you, uh, call for a rescue?
Brian Taylor: Don’t move. Do not move. What did he look like? Where’d he go?
[Taylor and Zavala get their guns out]
Van Hauser: Northbound through the houses. He’s a Hispanic male, blue checkered shirt. Zero head, he’s a parolee, he’s fucking huge.
[Taylor speaks into his radio again]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen, suspect headed northbound, heavyset male Hispanic, shaved head. Weapon used was a knife. KMA.
[to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Z, let’s do this shit.
Van Hauser: Careful, man. On your left. He’s fucking huge.


 

[as Taylor and Zavala go looking for Sook]
Brian Taylor: It’s clear over here.
Mike Zavala: Crossing.
Brian Taylor: The windows? You got left?
Mike Zavala: I got right.
Brian Taylor: Push, push, push, push, push, push. Push, push, push. You’re on my elbow. You call it out. You call it out if you see it.
[Taylor spots the Hispanic man]
Brian Taylor: Dude, I see him. On the left. On the left. Ready? Go, go, split.
[they hear the man shouting abuse at Sook, who’s crying]
Brian Taylor: On the left. I’ve got him, you ready?
[as they get closer, we hear the man shouting at Sook]
Spooky: Fucking bitch! Fucking whore! Try to fuck with me? Fuck you!
Brian Taylor: Get the fuck off her or I will blow your fucking head off!
[the man puts his hands up]
Spooky: I’m done. I ain’t resisting, officer.
Brian Taylor: Don’t fucking look at me!
Spooky: I ain’t resisting, sir.
Brian Taylor: Shut the fuck up! Get up! Put your hands over your head. Get up!
[the man gets up]
Brian Taylor: Put your hands over your head. Back up towards me until I tell you to stop.
[the man starts moving towards Taylor]
Brian Taylor: Move. Move. Move. Move. Stop! Get on your fucking knees. And cross your Goddamn feet together, you hear me?
Mike Zavala: Cross your legs.
Brian Taylor: If I hear a fucking word out of you, I will blow you out of your fucking socks! Hook him, Z.
[Zavala cuffs the man and Taylor radios in]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray-thirteen, show a code four. Suspect’s in custody.


 

[after cuffing the Hispanic man]
Brian Taylor: You good, Z?
Mike Zavala: I’m good. Are you good?
Brian Taylor: I’m going to check on Boot.
[Taylor goes to check on Sook, her face is beaten in and bloody]
Brian Taylor: Goddamn it! Alright, you’re going to be alright. You’re going to be alright. You’re going to be alright.
[Taylor turns to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Fuck man, her face is all fucking broken, man!
[Taylor talks into his radio]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray-thirteen, requesting an additional RA.
Police Radio: Thirteen-x-thirteen, Roger on the RA.
Brian Taylor: You’re okay. You’re going to be alright. We’re here for you, alright?
Mike Zavala: Dude, we got the cavalry coming.
Brian Taylor: We’re here for you. That motherfucker’s going to pay for what he did, you hear me? Boot? You hear me, Boot?
Mike Zavala: Don’t call her Boot, bro!
Brian Taylor: Well I don’t know what her fucking name is! Is there a tag anywhere? Do you see her tag?
Mike Zavala: No.
Brian Taylor: You hearing me? She’s nodding, dude. She’s nodding, she hears me.
Mike Zavala: Okay. You’re going to be okay.
Brian Taylor: You’re going to be okay, alright? Do you hear me? It’s all good. It’s all good.


 

[as Van Hauser is being put into the back of an ambulance]
Brian Taylor: You’re going to be okay, brother.
Van Hauser: Fucking cut my vest off. Goddamn it, Taylor! I tell you one fucking thing. Fucking cut my vest off!
Brian Taylor: Alright, bro. We got your back.
Van Hauser: Jesus Christ! Goddamn it!
Brian Taylor: Get back, brother, alright? You’re good, bro. We got your back.
Van Hauser: They cut my fucking vest, man. They cut my fucking vest.
[as the ambulance door closes, Taylor walks over to Zavala]
Brian Taylor: What’s up? You okay?
[Sarge is at the scene]
Sarge: Taylor.
Mike Zavala: I’m really tired, dude.
Sarge: Why didn’t you shoot that son of a bitch, man? You had him dead to rights.
Brian Taylor: I just didn’t feel like killing anyone tonight, Sarge.
Sarge: You feel like writing this up? Brass is going to want clean paper, make sure all the logs match.


 

Mike Zavala: Sarge, did you see that? Van H had a fucking Ginsu sticking out of his eye.
Sarge: His eye was cut in half. The lens was hanging out. He’s not coming back. Rookie too.
Mike Zavala: What?
Sarge: She ain’t coming back. She gave me this to give to the Watch Commander.
[Sarge holds up Sook’s badge]
Mike Zavala: On the spot?
Sarge: Yeah.
Davis: Oh, well, she wouldn’t have made probation anyway.
Orozco: Hell, no.
Sarge: What, because her daddy’s not a captain?
Davis: You know she wasn’t cut out for this shit.
Sarge: Why is that?
Davis: The evidence.
Orozco: She almost got Van Hauser killed.
Sarge: You guys are cold, man. You got cold, dead eyes, you know that?
Davis: Yeah, both of us.
Sarge: Yeah, both of you. You have a soul?
Davis: Yes, yes. We just leave it at home.
Brian Taylor: Yoh, we going to sit around yapping or we going to get this done?
Orozco: Dude, you guys saved that rookie’s life. That was one big fucking fat SA.
Mike Zavala: Can we clear the scene? Division’s fucking falling apart over here.
Sarge: We good? You good? Good, good, good?
Brian Taylor: We’re all good.
Sarge: Yes? Go back to work.
Orozco: Good night, ladies.
[everyone gets back in their patrol cars]


 

[Zavala gives a best man speech at Taylor and Janet’s wedding]
Mike Zavala: Alright. Janet, you got a lot of heart hooking up with a cop. Cause it takes a strong person, and I see like a lot of cops’ wives in here, they’re all nodding their heads.
[to Taylor]
Mike Zavala: You got to take care of her, bro. Cause I’m her big brother now. And every cop in here, we’re all her family now too.
[the guests clap]
Mike Zavala: I’m going to cry, baby, shut up. And Janet, we’re all hoping that you can make a man out of Brian, because we’ve all given up. So here we go.
[raising his glass]
Mike Zavala: To Brian and Janet. Cheers!


 

Mike Zavala: Can I ask you something? Why the fuck did you get married in your dress blues? If you worked at Best Buy would you wear that fucking stupid polo shirt?
Sarge: I like that polo shirt.
Brian Taylor: I’m representing, man. You know I love you, man
Sarge: Oh, Jesus.
Orozco: Here they go again.
Mike Zavala: I love you too, bro.
Brian Taylor: I would lay down my life for you, dude.
[making fun of Taylor and Zavala]
Orozco: I love you, man.
Mike Zavala: I would take a fucking bullet for you.
Sarge: Why don’t you guys get married to each other?
[mocking Taylor and Zavala]
Orozco: I love you, man.
Brian Taylor: Alright, shut up the…! Shut up! Shut up! Everybody take a shot.
Sarge: Have a shot. Have a shot.
[they all raise their glasses]
Orozco: Arriba, abajo, al centro, pa’dentro, salud…!
The Group: Salute! Cheers!


 

[at Taylor’s wedding reception, Sarge, looking a bit drunk, is talking to a group of rookie cops]
Sarge: My boy Garcia? He’s a fucking beast, man. Right? I’ve seen this motherfucker knock an asshole out with one punch. Yoked assholes, man. Yoked assholes from the joint when they had weight piles. You know what I’m talking about? You don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re fucking twelve years old. Cops like him… Like soldiers. He took a bullet for me. My bullet, man. He took my bullet. He took my bullet. That’s what he was. That’s what he was to me. It should have been me, cause he was a good guy. I was shit. Fuck it, man.


 

[to Zavala]
Gabby: Gimme a kiss.
[Gabby and Zavala kiss, the she turns to Janet and Taylor]
Gabby: You’ll learn this. You’ll learn. Marriage is really basic. Right? There’s just like a couple guidelines. One: you’ve got to give it up all the time. All the time.
[Janet turns to Taylor]
Janet: You’d love that.
Brian Taylor: Well, I mean, I don’t, I don’t think, I don’t hate that idea.
Mike Zavala: It’s not a bad thing.
Brian Taylor: It’s not a bad idea.
Gabby: No, seriously, girls throw it at cops.
Brian Taylor: Throw what exactly?
Gabby: Their pussy. Girls throw it.
[Janet laughs]
Gabby: So you can’t give him an excuse, girlfriend. You cannot give him an excuse.
Brian Taylor: I’ve actually seen that before. It’s called assault on a peace officer.


 

Gabby: I’ve got another one. Are you ready?
Janet: Hell, yeah.
[to Taylor]
Janet: You’re a freak.
Brian Taylor: Part two.
Gabby: Try new things.
Brian Taylor: What?!
Mike Zavala: Baby…
Gabby: You know, like the gooch.
Brian Taylor: The what?
Mike Zavala: No, no, no!
Brian Taylor: The gooch?!
Gabby: Uh, Texas twister.
Janet: No, that’s something that’s made up. The internet made that up.
Gabby: You want to know what Mike likes?
Mike Zavala: No! No!
[Zavala tries to put his hand over Gabby’s mouth to shut her up]
Mike Zavala: Babe, I love you so much.
Gabby: The western, you know? Open to explore, right?
Brian Taylor: Gabby! Gabby! It’s our wedding!
Gabby: Cup him. Suck him. Cup him. Suck him.
Mike Zavala: This is way too much. Babe, you’re cut off.
Brian Taylor: No, no, no!
Gabby: You just rub it a bit and then…
Brian Taylor: What the fuck?! Gabby!
Gabby: Venture off a little more.
Brian Taylor: Venture off?!
Gabby: They swear they don’t like it but…
Mike Zavala: Shit!
Janet: Right.
Brian Taylor: Really?


 

Mike Zavala: I’m happy, man. I’m happy, bro. Janet’s dope, dude. You know, you’re my brother and everything, dude, but you’re a piece of shit. Does she know that?
Brian Taylor: Yeah, she knows who I am. I mean, you can’t get into something with somebody without… She knows who I am.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, I know who you are. You’re a piece of shit. If you break her heart, I’m going to fuck you up.
Brian Taylor: Good to know.
Mike Zavala: If anything happened to you, I would take care of your kids. If you had any. And I would take care of her. I would take care of Janet.


 

[another day out on patrol]
Mike Zavala: What’s in the stack? Anything good?
[Taylor checks the computer]
Brian Taylor: Let’s see here. Uh, business dispute. Request police mediation. One neighbor threw a cup of water on the other neighbor’s window.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, we’re not buying that.
Brian Taylor: Three ninety male. Intoxicated person outside a liquor store.
Mike Zavala: Get the fuck out of here! There’s a drunk man outside the liquor store?
[Taylor laughs]
Brian Taylor: Welfare check. Woman requests PD contacts her elderly mother.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, buy that one.
Brian Taylor: You serious?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, if we buy a couple of these, maybe they’ll send us a code three call.
Brian Taylor: Cool. I’ll hit her up for the next hotshots.
[explaining for the benefit of the camera]
Mike Zavala: On this episode, we’re rolling to a call. A woman called the station to check on her elderly mother. So we’re going to go.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, these are the calls most agencies deal with, you know? Not every call’s a foot pursuit or a car chase. Some guys at other agencies have never even drawn their weapon or been in a gunfight.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, but here that’s just half your shift.
Brian Taylor: In the south end, we’ll get involved in more capers in one deployment period than most cops see their entire career.
Mike Zavala: Hell, yeah.


 

[Taylor and Zavala knock at the elderly woman’s house, as they hear no answer, Zavala goes to check the back of the house, Taylor explains into the camera]
Brian Taylor: I’m going to wait for my partner. He’s going to check the back to see if she’s around the back over there. You know, often times, a lot of these people, they’re very old people. They can’t hear us. You know, they can’t hear the, uh, they can’t hear the hearing aids, you know. So, um…
[Zavala returns from checking back of the house]
Mike Zavala: Nothing.
Brian Taylor: Alright. So, uh, the owner of this house is actually the daughter of the woman who lives in it. So she gave us permission for the welfare check, so we’re going to, we’re going to boot the door.
[they move towards the front door of the house]
Brian Taylor: Officer Zavala specializes in booting doors.
Mike Zavala: I kick doors down.
Brian Taylor: There you go.
Mike Zavala: I kick doors down.
Brian Taylor: Say it in English now, bro.
Mike Zavala: I kick doors down.
Brian Taylor: Wait, did you check if it was unlocked?
Mike Zavala: Uh…
Brian Taylor: Ladies and gentlemen, always a good idea to make sure the door is locked before you boot it.
Mike Zavala: Are you going to cut that out?
Brian Taylor: Yeah, sorry.
[looking into the camera]
Brian Taylor: It was always locked. Clearly my, uh, partner always knew that.
Mike Zavala: Man, you know what’s going to happen, right?
Brian Taylor: What?
Mike Zavala: She’s going to roll through, come, you know, from church or the store or whatever. And then she’s going to see property damage and what’s going to happen? What’s going to happen? We’re going to be the bad guys.
[Zavala kicks the door open and they both grimace from the stench coming from inside the house]
Brian Taylor: Oh, shit! We got a dead body, man.


 

[as they check inside the old woman’s house, they find cell phones, credit cards and drug material scattered around]
Brian Taylor: What have we got? Squatters?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, I’d say someone’s been kicking it back here for sure.
Brian Taylor: LAPD!
Mike Zavala: Let’s roll through.
[they go around checking the other rooms in the house]
Brian Taylor: You good?
Mike Zavala: Clear.
[Taylor goes into the bathroom]
Brian Taylor: That is wrong.
Mike Zavala: I said it was clear.
Brian Taylor: Alright. Just filming it, man.
[Taylor finds the body of the old woman suffocated in a plastic bag]
Brian Taylor: Oh, I found her, dude.
Mike Zavala: What’s up? Oh!
[Taylor radios it into the station]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen, I’m going to need a supervisor and two additional units at our location. And RA for the elderly female approximately seventy years old. Not conscious, not breathing.


 

[they find candles and little statues as they wait for backup to arrive]
Brian Taylor: What is she, grandma praying to the dope Gods or some shit?
Mike Zavala: Dude, that’s not fucking grandma.
[Zavala hits the top of the jars in the box he’d opened up earlier]
Brian Taylor: Don’t fucking play on them.
Mike Zavala: No, look. Hollow. Somebody’s opened it before, dude. That’s what that means.
[Zavala opens up one of the jars]
Mike Zavala: Take that shit out.
Brian Taylor: You can’t pull it out yourself?
Mike Zavala: Dude, just fucking pull it out, bro!
[Taylor takes out the small bag from in the jar and Zavala cuts it open to reveal cocaine]
Mike Zavala: Party time.
Brian Taylor: Yoh, Z. Z.
[Taylor points to the kitchen]
Brian Taylor: No, wait, wait, wait.
Mike Zavala: What?
Brian Taylor: Do you see that pot?
Mike Zavala: Yeah.
Brian Taylor: That shit’s still steaming.
Mike Zavala: Oh, shit.
Brian Taylor: I’m going in.


 

[as they check the kitchen they find a cartel grave, with numerous dismembered corpses]
Brian Taylor: Oh, what is that, dude? Is that a body?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, there’s bodies in there, dude.
[Taylor looks like he’s about the throw up]
Brian Taylor: Thanks for the fucking update! Fuck, man. Is it clear, dude?
Mike Zavala: Clear.
[referring to the Spanish writing on the wall]
Brian Taylor: What does it say, dude. What’s that shit say?
Mike Zavala: ‘Keep bringing them. Ha, ha, ha.’
[Taylor starts gagging and talking to himself]
Brian Taylor: Fuck! Come on! Get your shit together, dude. Pull your shit together, man.
[Zavala keeps looking at the dismembered bodies and the writing on the wall]
Mike Zavala: Get the fuck out of here. Let’s get out of here. Fuck. Sick motherfuckers, man. Who would do shit like that?
[they walk out of the house and Taylor looks shaken]
Brian Taylor: What is that shit, dude?
Mike Zavala: I don’t fucking know, dude. I’ve never seen that kind of shit.
Brian Taylor: Do you ever use fucking, do you have hand sanitizer, bro?
Mike Zavala: No, I don’t.


 

[after surveillance tapes are shown of the cartel leaders placing a call for a hit to be placed on Taylor and Zavala as they are putting too much spotlight on their business, we see Taylor and Zavala out on another day on patrol]
Mike Zavala: Gabby wants to know if you and Janet want to roll to the Dodgers game with us tonight.
Brian Taylor: Uh, dude, we’re going to Santa Barbara.
Mike Zavala: Alright, fuck you then, dude. I’ll sell that shit online or something.
[Taylor laughs, as they drive Zavala notices Mr. Tre in the neighborhood]
Mike Zavala: Oh, here’s Tre right here. What’s up, Tre?
Mr. Tre: What’s up back?
Brian Taylor: What you doing?
Mr. Tre: I’m doing what I do, you know what I’m saying? Same shit, different day. ain’t shit changed. What’s up with you all?
Mike Zavala: Just slow motion.
Mr. Tre: And that little incident you and I had? You kept it G, you didn’t snitch on me. And I respect that. So check this out. My people just got out of Folsom prison, from up north.
Mike Zavala: Oh yeah?
Mr. Tre: Word is you got a hit on you all, man. You all been greenlit.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, come on, man. We’re cops, everybody wants to kill us, Tre.
Mr. Tre: Hey, I’m just telling you what they’re saying, man.
Mike Zavala: No, you know what, we appreciate the info, man. But this don’t mean you get a pass if we catch you slipping.
Mr. Tre: I ain’t looking for no fucking pass. I do what I do, you know what I’m saying?
Mike Zavala: I had to say it, though, you know how it is.
Brian Taylor: Alright, what you doing this weekend, Tre? You like the Dodgers?
Mr. Tre: You going to slide a ni**er some tickets or something?
Brian Taylor: You like the Dodgers?
Mike Zavala: Have a good weekend.
Mr. Tre: Slide me some tickets?
Brian Taylor: Yeah! Yeah! Alright.
[Zavala turns to Taylor]
Mike Zavala: Shut the fuck up!
[Taylor laughs as Zavala drives off]


 

[as they continue to drive on patrol, Taylor notices his report pages are out of order]
Brian Taylor: Did you fuck with my…? Come on, man. Did you fuck with my shit?
Mike Zavala: I don’t fuck with your shit.
Brian Taylor: Dammit, Mike! Come on, man!
Mike Zavala: Don’t be a little bitch about it, dude! I didn’t fuck with your shit, dude.
Brian Taylor: You fucked with my shit. It was in totally different order. Why do you have an investigation report on here, dude?
Mike Zavala: I don’t have an investigation report on there.
Brian Taylor: It’s your handwriting. Don’t be an idiot. All this is fucked up, man. Did you drop it or something?
Mike Zavala: Dude, there’s three types of pages.
Brian Taylor: Man, it’s all out of order, man. It’s all fucking out of order.
Mike Zavala: No, it’s a pain in the ass. I’m sorry, partner.


 

[as they continue to drive around in patrol , unbeknownst to them, Big Evil and his gang are following Taylor and Zavala]
Big Evil: Wait until they hit a small street. At a stop sign, you fucking tap the bumper, we’re going to get out and blast.
La La: Fuck, no.
Big Evil: What do you mean, no?
La La: We should get them when they go to lunch at that Chinese place.
Big Evil: That Chinese place is crawling with cops. We got to get these fuckers when they’re alone.
La La: We can fucking follow their asses home and hit them there.
Big Evil: White boy’s in fucking Simi Valley, the other fucking fool’s in San Gabriel! We got to get these fuckers at the same time!
Demon: Big, this is the one-time, homie. Not a bunch of fucking ni**ers.
Big Evil: Motherfucker, this fucker is straight from the fucking SHU, homeboy! You stop fucking around! You got in the fucking car. You want to fucking hang with the fucking carnales, now you fucking pay the fucking price of fucking admission, homeboy! I’ll fucking kill this fucking bitch! Alright? You shut the fuck up!
Demon: Come on! You get that fucking shit out of my fucking face.
Big Evil: I’ll fucking kill you, motherfucker! Don’t you fucking disrespect!
Demon: Don’t worry. I got this shit. Fuck, man.


 

[Taylor and Zavala continue to argue]
Brian Taylor: I don’t know where the fucking rubber band is either, dude.
Mike Zavala: Don’t blame me for the rubber band, dude. You just took the rubber band off.
Brian Taylor: If you hadn’t fucking put everything out of order, dude, then the rubber band wouldn’t be out and the… Look, dude, it’s the butterfly effect, okay? Do you know what the butterfly effect is?
Mike Zavala: Nope.
Brian Taylor: It’s the butterfly effect. Look it up.
Mike Zavala: Just cause you say it twice doesn’t mean that I get it the second time.
Brian Taylor: Look it up, dude.


 

[as they continue to follow Taylor and Zavala]
La La: This is fucking stupid. Those motherfuckers got bulletproof vests. We need to hit them with some AK’s and shit!
Big Evil: Don’t fucking rank out, La La!
La La: Fuck you! Fuck you! When the fuck have I ever backed out from shit, huh?! Huh!
[turning to Demon]
Big Evil: Get that fucking camera out of my face!
La La: I’m saying we just can’t fuck this shit up! I don’t give a fuck, man. You know me. I’ll do the motherfucking time. I just don’t want the big homies fucking whacking me. Fucking whacking me for fucking up! We need a fucking plan. And you fucking know it, homie. Think about it. That’s all I’m saying.
Big Evil: Fucking head back. I’ll get some fucking big guns from the Border Brothers.


 

[another night out on patrol]
Mike Zavala: How was Santa Barbara?
Brian Taylor: Awesome. Janet’s pregnant.
Mike Zavala: What?! Get out of here, bro! Are you serious? Already? She’s not even Mexican.
Brian Taylor: Yeah, you know, um, she’s going for the ultrasound tomorrow, but three of those little piss stick things?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, yeah.
Brian Taylor: Positive, positive, positive.
Mike Zavala: Woh, dude! Congrats, bro.
[Zavala and Taylor shake hands]
Mike Zavala: Congrats.


 

[Big Evil and his gang are waiting in the hallway of an apartment complex]
Big Evil: That’s when we fucking graduate. We fucking get the upgrade right now. Not fucking going to be little fucking paisas no fucking more. Right?
La La: Yeah.
Big Evil: That’s what we’re going to fucking do. Okay? They want to come into our fucking hood and fucking talk shit to us? You fucking do this shit right?
La La: They don’t fucking disrespect us. Fuck, yeah.
Big Evil: You guys want to fucking collect? You guys got to fucking put up. This time we’re going to fucking do it right.
Demon: Hell yeah, we’re doing this.
Big Evil: Fucking guys have some fucking balls.
Demon: After we get these motherfuckers, you know, it’s going to be a little hot in the hood. ain’t that right, La? Hey, La?
Big Evil: We’re going to get the fuck out of here after that. I’m going to fucking take you guys to fucking Vegas. You guys fucking do this shit right, I’m going to treat you right. But if we don’t fucking do this, we can never fucking come back, that’s the fucking thing.


 

[continuing on their evening patrol]
Mike Zavala: Wouldn’t it be crazy if our kids were pushing a black and white together one day?
Brian Taylor: Screw that. I want my kid to have an honest job. Like a politician.
[Taylor and Zavala laugh, suddenly they see a van run a red light]
Brian Taylor: Woh!
Mike Zavala: Idiot.
Brian Taylor: Light them up.
[they start pursuing the van]
Brian Taylor: He’s running.
[Taylor radio’s into the station]
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray-thirteen we’re going to be following a possible code thirty seven vehicle northbound Hooper from four two street. Gray Toyota minivan. License plate number six queen four nine nine seven three. Requesting backup, airship, and a supervisor.
[to Zavala as they chase the van]
Brian Taylor: Yeah, you’re clear right. Go, go. Fuck yeah. You got this motherfucker. You got this motherfucker. Come on, Z. Come on Z.
[suddenly the van stops outside an apartment complex and Zavala crashes into the back of the van]
Brian Taylor: Woh! Woh! Woh!
Mike Zavala: Fuck!
Brian Taylor: Go, get the fuck out of the car!
[Zavala and Taylor get out of the car and start chasing the driver of the van]
Brian Taylor: Go! Go!
[they chase the man as he goes into the apartment complex, we realize he’s part of Big Evil’s gang who are waiting inside for Taylor and Zavala]
Brian Taylor: Mike, come on! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!
Police Radio: X thirteen, what’s your location?
Brian Taylor: Thirteen-x-ray- thirteen, suspect running on foot. Male, Hispanic, dark clothing.
[suddenly Big Evil’s gang start shooting at Taylor and Zavala, in the shootout Taylor’s radio is destroyed and they run into a closed space]
La La: Fucking missed, stupid!
Brian Taylor: Fuck! Go.
[they go after Taylor and Zavala]


 

[Taylor and Zavala enter a woman’s apartment as they try to get away from Big Evil and his men]
Brian Taylor: Shit, dude! No dice. We’re fucking trapped!
Mike Zavala: Dude, call dispatch!
Brian Taylor: My fucking hand, man!
Mike Zavala: What’s up? What, you got hit? Did you get hit?
Brian Taylor: Shit!
Mike Zavala: Fucking call dispatch!
Brian Taylor: I got no signal! Fuck!
Mike Zavala: Fuck, I don’t…
Brian Taylor: Fuckers.
[the woman in the apartment starts shouting in Spanish]
Mike Zavala: Shut up!
[Zavala tries to contact dispatch]
Mike Zavala: This is thirteen x-ray thirteen…
Brian Taylor: Come, on. Us the fucking door. Come on.
Mike Zavala: Officers need help! We’re barricaded in an apartment building.
[the woman in the apartment keep shouting in Spanish]
Brian Taylor: Shit! Tell that bitch to shut the fuck up, man!
[outside the apartment, Big Evil and his men wait]


 

[back in the apartment, Zavala uses the woman’s phone to call for backup]
Mike Zavala: Two five zero two two, Hooper Place, apartment C.
[outside the apartment Big Evil and his gang wait]
Big Evil: Those motherfuckers are in there.
Mike Zavala: We’re good! We’re all good, bro! They’re sending the cavalry, they’re sending the whole fucking world!
[suddenly Big Evil and his men start shooting into the apartment]
Brian Taylor: Fuck!
[to his gang]
Big Evil: Reload.
[inside the apartment]
Mike Zavala: Partner?
Brian Taylor: Dude.
Mike Zavala: Partner!
Brian Taylor: Bro…
Mike Zavala: You all good?
Brian Taylor: Wasn’t that Big Evil in the army?
Mike Zavala: Yeah.
Brian Taylor: We can’t hold them off. We’ve got to lay down a base of fire and pivot.
Mike Zavala: What the fuck does that mean, dude?
Brian Taylor: We’re shooting our way out of here, bro.
[outside the apartment]
Big Evil: Can these fools get out?
Demon: Yeah, we got these motherfuckers, homie. Dudes ain’t going nowhere.


 

[as they try to find a way out of the apartment]
Brian Taylor: Z, Look at me. Alright? Look at me. On three, dude, you’re going to empty your mag and run.
Mike Zavala: Okay.
Brian Taylor: You ready?
Mike Zavala: Okay.
Brian Taylor: One. Two. Three!
[they start shooting their guns]
Brian Taylor: Go! Move! Move! To the door, Z! To the door!
[they get out of the apartment, on the way out they kill one of Big Evil’s men]
Brian Taylor: Move! Go! Go! Move, man! Move, move!
[they make a run for it out of the apartment complex]
Brian Taylor: Over the fence, man. You see the fence?
Mike Zavala: Yeah, yeah.
Brian Taylor: Go, go, go!
[they go over the fence]
Brian Taylor: Z, there’s a wall. Go. You got me?
Mike Zavala: I got you.
Brian Taylor: Ready?
Mike Zavala: Up over, bro.
Brian Taylor: Go, go, go!
[as they jump over the wall, they kill another one of Big Evil’s men waiting in his car with a shotgun]
Brian Taylor: They’re everywhere. Z! Z! Move! Move!
Mike Zavala: Take the left.
[as they run]
Mike Zavala: I think we killed that guy.
Brian Taylor: Good.


 

[they run cautiously through a long alleyway]
Brian Taylor: Where’s the fucking cavalry, man?
Mike Zavala: I don’t know!
[they continuing running, with the dogs in the neighborhood barking]
Brian Taylor: Partner?
Mike Zavala: What?
Brian Taylor: This sucks!
[they continuing running when Zavala hears a noise]
Mike Zavala: Is that us? Is that PD?
Brian Taylor: Slow, slow, slow.
[a car pulls up and Big Evil’s starts shooting at them]
Brian Taylor: Z, Gun! Hit them!
Big Evil’s Gang Member: Curbside gang, putos!
[they start shooting at each other and they kill the man in the car]
Mike Zavala: I lit that asshole up, man! Brian!
[Zavala turns and sees Taylor is down and has been shot]
Brian Taylor: Oh, dude. Is it bad? Fuck. Shit.
Mike Zavala: Wait, wait, wait. Let me see.
[Zavala tries to check Taylor’s wounds under his vest]
Brian Taylor: Fuck, dude.
Mike Zavala: It’s bad. It’s bad. You know what? But I’ve seen, I’ve seen guys way worse make it.
[Taylor starts crying in agony]
Mike Zavala: Dude, what are you fucking doing, man? Don’t fucking do that to me! Stay right there! Stay the fuck down! Stay down, buddy. I need to put pressure on your wound.
[Taylor has trouble breathing]
Mike Zavala: Where the fuck is everybody?!


 

[as Zavala holds on to Taylor]
Brian Taylor: I don’t want to die here, dude.
Mike Zavala: You’re not going to die here. You’re not going to die, cause God loves cops.
Brian Taylor: I fucked up, dude. I fucked up. Don’t tell Janet I fucked up.
Mike Zavala: I’m going to stay right here. I’m going to stay right here, okay?
[Taylor starts crying]
Mike Zavala: It’s okay. It’s okay to do it, dude. It’s okay. It’s okay to do it right now. I fucking love you, bro.
[Zavala looks up and shouts]
Mike Zavala: Officer down! I need some fucking help! I need some fucking help!
[as Taylor looks like he’s taking his last breath, Zavala starts crying]
Mike Zavala: Please don’t go right now. I’m begging you, bro, don’t fucking go right now. Don’t go right now.
[Zavala hears something behind him]
Mike Zavala: What the fuck?
[Big Evil and his men are behind him]
Big Evil: Checkmate, puto.
[as Zavala reaches for his gun, Big Evil and his men shoot him in the back continuously, Big Evil laughs as he sees Zavala slumped on top of Taylor, La La shoots at him again]
La La: Rest in peace, bitch. We got you, motherfuckers. Happy fucking ending, homies.
[as Big Evil and his men walk away, they are suddenly surrounded by Sarge and several other officers, as the gang are unwilling to lower their weapons Sarge and the other officers shoot at them killing them all]
Sarge: Where the fuck is Taylor and Zavala?


 

[Orozco and Davis find Taylor and Zavala, both apparently dead]
Orozco: Shit. Fuck. It’s them. Mike! Mike! Shit. Shit. Brian! Brian! Goddammit.
[Orozco tries to check their wounds]
Orozco: Fucking A.


 

[we are at a police funeral and we see that Taylor has survived and the funeral is for Zavala, Janet holds onto Taylor as he cries, we see Gabby holding her son and crying then Taylor tries to stand as he goes to give a speech]
Sarge: I’ll help you.
Brian Taylor: Shit.
[with Sarge’s help Taylor makes it to the microphone, he looks out at the crowd in the church]
Brian Taylor: Uh, he was my, my brother.
[Taylor is too devastated to say anything else]


 

[we’re back on the day of the shooting; Taylor and Zavala are in their patrol car a few hours before they were shot down by Big Evil and his men]
Brian Taylor: If your kid was a girl would you let her be a cop?
Mike Zavala: Bro, would I want my daughter packing a burner so she could protect herself from the assholes of the world? Hell, yeah.
Brian Taylor: I want to have a daughter, man. That would be so cool.
Mike Zavala: Just don’t let her date cops.
Brian Taylor: She’s not dating anyone.
Mike Zavala: Okay.
Brian Taylor: Ever.
Mike Zavala: Alright. Did I ever tell you about the first time I spent the night with Gabby?
Brian Taylor: I don’t want to hear that, dude.
Mike Zavala: Dude, I got a hell of a big family, right?
Brian Taylor: Z, Fuck.
Mike Zavala: Wait, wait, wait!
Brian Taylor: I don’t want to hear that, dude.
Mike Zavala: I got a hell of big family, bro. Someone’s always at my house, right? But one time, Gabby’s parents bounced to Ensenada and her brother crashed at his girlfriend’s so I spent the night at her house. And this was going to be the night, dude. It was going to be the night. Do you know what I’m saying?
Brian Taylor: No, what’s that, what’s that you’re talking about?
Mike Zavala: Well, I’ll tell you what I’m talking about.
Brian Taylor: Okay, cool
Mike Zavala: So we’re in her parents bed, right? And it’s on. It’s about to go down. I’m taking off her chones, I’m taking off…
Brian Taylor: Chones?
Mike Zavala: Her skivvies. Come on, bro.
Brian Taylor: Oh.
Mike Zavala: And I’m like finally, right? Fucking finally. But then we hear this noise. Dude, someone’s in the pad. So I hide underneath the bed. And then I hear people coming up. And it’s her parents. This is the second floor, bro.
Brian Taylor: What?
Mike Zavala: I got nowhere to go. Homegirl’s trying to distract them, but it ain’t happening, right? And the footsteps grow louder, louder and louder. Then the door opens. Oh, my God, bro. I’m naked, underneath the bed.
[Taylor laughs]
Mike Zavala: And then all I could see is little footsteps. I see his hairy feet and I see her nails all painted and they’re yapping, they’re doing their thing, and they crash. And this is the part that I never told Gabby. I hear a little smoochie smooch, and I hear some shit, and I’m praying, please no. And they did it, bro.
Brian Taylor: What?!
Mike Zavala: They got down, dude!
Brian Taylor: What?!
Mike Zavala: Oh! I’m talking Gabby’s parents fucking, dude!
Brian Taylor: Alright, I got it.
Mike Zavala: No! That shit was so traumatic, man.
[they both laugh hard]


 

[last lines; Taylor mocks Zavala after he’s told his story about hearing Gabby’s parents have sex]
Brian Taylor: It must have been a little uncomfortable around the folks after that.
Mike Zavala: Yeah, bro, because her father is a freak.
[Taylor laughs]
Mike Zavala: I guess when you’ve been married that long, you got to mix it up a little bit. I tried rolling like that with Gabby, and she was like, hell no, you’re not touching me there.
[they both laugh]
Brian Taylor: It makes me fucking uncomfortable, man.
Mike Zavala: I know. I know. You know why? Because you’re a freak too.
Brian Taylor: Don’t go there, bro. Just don’t go there.
[they both laugh again]
Brian Taylor: Oh, I fucking can’t breathe, dude! Holy shit!
[as they continue to laugh, they get a call to investigate something]
Brian Taylor: Let’s go fight crime or something.
Mike Zavala: Okay.
[they punch their fists together and carry on laughing]


Total Quotes: 91

 




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