Fight Club Quotes Page 1 2 TRIVIA
[first lines; Tyler is pointing a gun into the Narrator’s mouth]
Narrator: [voice over] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.
Tyler: Three minutes. This is it: ground zero. Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
Narrator: [voice over] With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
[Tyler removes the gun from the Narrator’s mouth]
Narrator: I can’t think of anything.
Narrator: [voice over] For a second I totally forgot about Tyler’s whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is.
Narrator: [voice over] That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways.
Tyler: Two and a half. Think of everything we’ve accomplished.
Narrator: [voice over] And suddenly I realize that all of this: the gun, the bombs, the revolution…has got something to do with a girl named Marla Singer.
[Narrator is engulfed by a weeping Bob in an intense embrace]
Narrator: [voice over] Bob. Bob had bitch tits. This was a support group for men with testicular cancer. The big moosie slobbering all over me… that was Bob.
Bob: We’re still men.
Narrator: Yes, we’re men. Men is what we are.
Narrator: [voice over] Eight months ago, Bob’s testicles were removed. Then hormone therapy. He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen. And that was where I fit…
Bob: They’re gonna have to open my pecs again to drain the fluid.
Narrator: [voice over] Between those huge sweating tits that hung enormous, the way you’d think of God’s as big.
[Narrator, sleepy, stands over a copy machine]
Narrator: [voice over] With insomnia, nothing’s real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy, of a copy, of a copy.
Narrator: [voice over] When deep space exploration ramps up, it will be corporations that name everything: The IBM Stellar Sphere. The Microsoft Galaxy. Planet Starbucks.
Richard Chesler: Gonna need you out-of-town a little more this week. We’ve got some “red-flags” to cover.
Narrator: [voice over] It must’ve been Tuesday. He was wearing his “cornflower-blue” tie.
[about his boss, Richard Chesler]
Narrator: [voice over] He was full of pep. Must’ve had his grande latte enema.
[sitting on a toilet talking on the phone ordering IKEA furniture]
Narrator: [voice over] Like so many others, I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct.
Narrator: [voice over] I’d flip through catalogs and wonder “what kind of dining set defines me as a person?”
[Narrator sits before an intern in a doctor’s office, who studies him with bemusement]
Intern: No, you can’t die from insomnia.
Narrator: What about narcolepsy? I nod off, I wake up in strange places, I have no idea how I got there.
Intern: You need to lighten up.
[after going to his first support group meeting for Testicular Cancer]
Narrator: [voice over] And this is how I met the big moosie, his eyes already shrink-wrapped in tears. Knees together, those awkward little steps.
[Bob walks towards Narrator and extends his hand]
Bob: My name is Bob.
[Bob takes Narrator into an embrace]
Narrator: [voice over] Bob had been a champion body-builder. You know that chest expansion program you see on late night TV? That was his idea.
Bob: I was a juicer. You know. Using steroids. Diabonol, Wisterol, they use that for racehorses for Christ sakes. And now I’m bankrupt, I’m divorced, my two grown kids, they won’t even return my calls…
Narrator: [voice over] Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.
[Bob breaks into sobbing and embraces Narrator tightly. After a long moment of crying, Bob raises up his head, looks at Narrator’s nametag]
Bob: Go ahead, Cornelius. You can cry.
[Narrator begins to cry and tighten his arms around Bob]
Narrator:[voice over] And then something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion…dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
[after admitting his addiction to attending Support Groups]
Narrator: [voice over] I wasn’t really dying. I wasn’t host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.
Narrator: [voice over] Every evening I died, and every evening I was born again, resurrected.
[Bob and Narrator are in an embrace]
Narrator: [voice over] Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, pressed against his tits, ready to cry. This was my vacation… and she ruined everything.
[Marla Singer enters, smoking]
Marla: This is cancer, right?
Narrator: [voice over] This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at “Free and Clear”, my blood parasite group Thursdays. Then at “Hope”, my bi-monthly sickle cell circle. And again at “Seize the Day”, my tuberculous Friday night. Marla…the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. Suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn’t cry, so once again I couldn’t sleep.
Narrator: [voice over] When you have insomnia, you’re never really asleep and you’re never really awake.
[at one of his Support Group meeting]
Narrator: [voice over] Oh, yeah, Chloe…Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep’s skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everybody.
Chloe: Well, I’m still here. But I don’t know for how long. That’s as much certainty as anyone can give me. But I’ve got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But…I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I’m so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite…
[the group leader takes control of the mic]
Group Leader: Thank you, Chloe…everyone, let’s thank Chloe.
[whilst trying to meditate in of the Support Group meetings]
Narrator: [voice over] If I had a tumor, I’d named it Marla. Marla…the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can’t.
Narrator: Hey. We need to talk.
Narrator: I’m on to you.
Narrator: Yeah. You’re a faker. You’re not dying.
Narrator: In the Tibetan philosophy, Sylvia Plath sense of the word. I know we’re all dying. But you’re not dying the way Chloe back there is dying.
Narrator: So, you’re a tourist. Okay? I’ve seen you? I saw you at melanoma, I saw you at tuberculosis and I saw you at testicular cancer!
Marla: I saw you practicing this.
Narrator: Practicing what?
Marla: Telling me off. Is it going as well as you hoped…? [reads his nametag] “Rupert”?
Narrator: I’ll expose you.
Marla: Go ahead. I’ll expose you.
Narrator: When people think you’re dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just…
Marla: …instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
[following Marla out of the Support Group meeting]
Narrator: Hold on, I’ll tell you; we’ll split up the week, okay? You take lymphoma, and tuberculosis…
Marla: You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn’t go over at all.
Narrator: Okay, good, fine. Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.
Marla: Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Narrator: You’re kidding.
Marla: I don’t know… am I?
Narrator: No, no! What do you want?
Marla: I’ll take the parasites.
Narrator: You can’t have both the parasites, but while you take the blood parasites…
Marla: I want brain parasites.
Narrator: I’ll take the blood parasites. But I’m gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay?
Marla: I want that.
Narrator: You can’t have the whole brain, that’s…
Marla:: So far you have four, I only have two!
Narrator: Okay. Take both the parasites. They’re yours. Now we both have three…
[following Marla into the thrift shop]
Marla: So, we each have three…that’s six. What about the seventh day? I want ascending bowel cancer.
Narrator: [voice over] The girl had done her homework.
Narrator: No…No, I want bowel cancer.
Marla:: That’s your favorite too? Tried to slip it by me, eh?
Narrator: Look we’re going to split it, Okay. Take the first and third Sunday of the month.
[they shake hands]
Marla: Looks like this is goodbye.
Narrator: Well, let’s not make a big thing out of it.
[Marla walks out the shop not looking back]
Marla: How’s this for not making a big thing?
Narrator: Marla’s philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn’t.
[Narrator wakes up in Airplane cabin]
Narrator: [voice over] You wake up at SeaTac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O’Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
Narrator: Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They’re single-serving friends.
Narrator: [voice over] Every time the plane banked too sharply on take-off or landing, I prayed for a crash, or a mid-air collision…anything.
[we see the plane having a mid-air collision]
Narrator: [voice over] Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.
[Narrator wakes up and sees Tyler sitting next to him on the same flight. They start talking]
Tyler: You know why the put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breathe.
Tyler: Oxygen, gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, we’re taking giant, panicked breaths…suddenly you become euphoric, docile, you accept your fate.
Narrator: What do you do?
Tyler: What do you mean?
Narrator: What do you do for a living?
Tyler: Why? So you can pretend like you’re interested?
[to the Narrator]
Tyler: You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.
Tyler: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator: No, I did not know that. Is that true?
Tyler: That’s right. One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Tyler: If one were so inclined.
Narrator: Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I’ve ever met. See I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving, even the…
Tyler: Oh I get it, it’s very clever.
Narrator: Thank you.
Tyler: How’s that working out for you?
Tyler: Being clever.
Tyler: Keep it up then. Right up.
[Tyler gets up from his seat]
Tyler: Now a question of etiquette: As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
[in the airport baggage claim area, the Narrator has lost his luggage]
Narrator: Was…was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers don’t worry about ticking ’cause modern bombs don’t tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it’s an electric razor, but every once in a while…[whispers]…it’s a dildo. Of course it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article “A dildo”, never “Your dildo”.
Narrator: I don’t own…
[Security Officer waves Narrator off]
[Narrator arrives to see his condo has been blown up with all his belongings burned and scattered everywhere]
Narrator: Home was a condo on the fifteenth floor of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals. The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets their hearing aid go and have to watch game-shows at full volume. Or when a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night. I suppose these things happen.
[Tyler and Narrator are at a bar discussing the destruction of Narrator’s condo]
Tyler: You know man it could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you’re sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator: There’s always that. I don’t know, it’s just…when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that’s it, that’s the last sofa I’m gonna need. Whatever else happens, I’ve got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
Tyler: Shit, man, now it’s all gone.
Narrator: All gone.
Tyler Durden: Do you know what a duvet is?
Narrator: It’s a comforter…
Tyler Durden: It’s a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?
Tyler: Right. We’re consumers. We’re by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty…these things don’t concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy’s name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator: Martha Stewart.
Tyler: Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha’s polishing the brass of the Titanic. It’s all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your string green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let…let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may. But that’s me, I could be wrong, maybe it’s a terrible tragedy.
Narrator: No. It’s just…it’s just stuff, not tragedy.
Tyler: Well, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for modern living.
Narrator: Fuck, you’re right!
[Tyler offers him cigarettes]
Narrator: No, I don’t smoke.
Narrator: My insurance is probably gonna cover it, so.
[Tyler gives Narrator a look]
Tyler: The things you own, end up owing you.
Narrator: Oh, it’s late. Hey, thanks for the beer.
Tyler: Yeah, man.
Narrator: I should find a hotel.
Tyler: [in disbelief] What?
Tyler: A hotel?
Tyler: Just ask, man.
Narrator: What are you talking about?
Tyler: [laughs] Three pitchers of beer, and you still can’t ask.
Tyler: You call me because you need a place to stay.
Narrator: Oh, hey, no, no, no, I didn’t mean…
Tyler: Yes, you did. So just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask man.
Narrator: Would…would that be a problem?
Tyler: Is it a problem for you to ask?
Narrator: Can I stay at your place?
Tyler: But I want you to do me a favor.
Narrator: Yeah, sure.
Tyler: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
Tyler: [talking very slow] I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
[talking about Tyler Durden’s job as a projectionist splicing frames of pornography into family films]
Narrator: So when the snooty cat, and the courageous dog, with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that’s when you’ll catch a flash of Tyler’s contribution to the film.
[we see the audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second]
Narrator: Nobody knows that they saw it. But they did.
Tyler: A nice, big cock.
[we see several audience members look rattled, a little girl starts to cry]
Narrator: Even a hummingbird couldn’t catch Tyler at work.
Narrator: Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler: C’mon, do me this one favor.
Tyler: Why? I don’t know why; I don’t know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator: No, but that…that’s a good thing.
Tyler: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight? I don’t wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.
Narrator: Oh God. This is crazy.
Tyler: So go crazy. Let ‘er rip.
Narrator: I don’t know about this.
Tyler: I don’t either. Who gives a shit? No one’s watching. What do you care?
Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler: That’s right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler: [laughing] Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid.
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler’s head]
Tyler: Oh. Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I’m sorry.
Tyler: Ow, Christ…why the ear, man?
Narrator: Aw, I fucked it up…
Tyler: No, that was perfect!
[Narrator is reading a Magazine in the dilapidated house Tyler and him are living in]
Tyler: Hey, man, what are you reading?
Narrator: Listen to this. It’s an article written by an organ in first person. “I am Jack’s medulla oblongata, without me Jack could not regulate his heart rate, blood pressure or breathing!” There’s a whole series of these! “I am Jill’s nipples”. “I am Jack’s Colon.”
Narrator: [voice over] After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down.
[Narrator is cleaning blood from his mouth with a handkerchief. when his boss enters]
Narrator: [to his boss] What?
Narrator: [voice over] You can deal with anything.
Tyler: If you could fight anyone, who would you fight?
Narrator: I’d fight my boss, probably.
Narrator: Yeah, why? Who would you fight?
Tyler: I’d fight my dad.
Tyler: My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.
Narrator: Sounds familiar.
Tyler: So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say “Dad, now what?” He says, “Get a job.”
Narrator: Same here.
Tyler: Now I’m 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, “Now what?” He says, “I don’t know, get married.”
Narrator: I can’t get married, I’m a 30 year old boy.
Tyler: We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.
[sitting in a meeting at work]
Narrator: [voice over] Monday mornings, all I could do was think about next week.
Narrator: [voice over] You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.
Tyler: Gentlemen! Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: Someone yells “stop!”, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.
Narrator: [voice over] Sometimes all you could hear were the flat, hard packing sounds over the yelling, or the wet choke when someone caught their breath and sprayed. You weren’t alive anywhere like you were there. But fight club only exists in the hours between when fight club starts and when fight club ends. Even if I could tell someone they had a good fight, I wouldn’t be talking to the same man. Who you were in fight club is not who you were in the rest of the world. A guy came to fight club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.
Narrator: If you could fight any celebrity, who would you fight?
Tyler: Alive or dead?
Narrator: Doesn’t matter, who’d be tough?
Tyler: Hemingway. You?
Narrator: Shatner. I’d fight William Shatner.
[Tyler and Narrator get on a bus. Narrator studies the faces of the other passengers]
Narrator: [voice over] We all started seeing things differently. Everywhere we went, we were sizing things up.
[Narrator looks up an advertisement; a Gucci underwear ad featuring a tan, bare-chested, muscled model]
Narrator: [voice over] I felt sorry for the guys packing into gyms, trying to look like Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger said they should.
Narrator: [indicating to the ad] Is that how a man looks like?
[Tyler looks at the ad and laughs]
Tyler: Ahh, self-improvement is masturbation. And self-destruction…
[Narrator is fighting and the opponent smashes his head to the floor, over and over]
Narrator: [voice over] Fight Club wasn’t about winning or losing. It wasn’t about words. The hysterical shouting was in tongues, like at a Pentecostal Church. When the fight was over, nothing solved but nothing mattered. Afterwards, we all felt saved.
Tyler: Okay, any historical figure.
Narrator: I’d fight Gandhi.
Tyler: Good answer.
Narrator: How about you?
Tyler: Mm. Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight till they’re burger.
[speaking on the phone]
Marla: I’ve been going to Debtors Anonymous. You want to see some really fucked up people?
Narrator: I’m just on my way out…
Marla: Me too. I got a stomach full of Xanax. I took what was left in the bottle. It might’ve been too much.
Narrator: [voice over] Just picture watching Marla Singer throwing herself around her crummy apartment.
Marla: This isn’t a for-real-suicide thing. This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.
Narrator: [voice over] This could go on for hours.
Narrator: So, you’re staying in tonight then?
Marla: Do you wanna wait, and hear me describe death? Do you wanna listen and see if my spirit can use a phone?
[Narrator puts the handset on top of the phone whilst Marla is talking, still off the hook, and walks out the door]
Marla: Have you ever heard a death rattle before?
[after finding out Tyler has slept with Marla]
Narrator: [voice over] I am Jack’s Raging Bile Duct.
[after Tyler has asked him if he’s ever had sex with Marla]
Narrator: [voice over] Put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains.
Tyler: That’s good, because she’s a predator posing as the house pet. Stay away from her. And the shit that came out from this woman’s mouth, I ain’t never heard!
[cut to Tyler’s room after Tyler and Marla have had sex, now lying in bed together]
Marla: My God! I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school!
Narrator: Marla doesn’t need a lover, she needs a fucking case worker.
Tyler: She needs a wash. And she’s in love with sport-fucking.
Narrator: [voice over] She’d invaded my support groups, now she’d invaded my home.
[sitting in his office]
Narrator: [voice over] I became the calm little center of the world. I was the Zen master.
[leaving his office after his boss has told him to take the day off for looking disheveled]
Narrator: [voice over] I got right in everyone’s hostile little face. Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I’m comfortable with that. I am enlightened.
[after a detective has notified him that his condo was burned down on purpose]
Narrator: [voice over] I am Jack’s cold sweat.
[speaking on the phone]
Det. Stern: Son, this is serious.
Narrator: Yes, I know it’s serious.
Det. Stern: I mean that.
Narrator: Yes, it’s very serious. Look, nobody takes this more seriously than me, that condo was my life! Okay? I loved every stick of furniture in that place. That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed, it was ME!
Narrator: [voice over] I’d like to thank the Academy…
Total Quotes: 116
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