Starring: Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, Patricia Clarkson, Jenna Elfman, Bryan Greenberg, Richard Jenkins, Woody Harrelson, Nolan Gould, Andy Samberg, Shaun White, Andrew Fleming
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Story:
Romantic comedy directed by Will Gluck. Friends with Benefits (2011) follows New York-based executive recruiter, Jamie (Mila Kunis), who entices Dylan (Justin Timberlake), an art director from Los Angeles, to take a job New York for her client. Finding that they have much in common, the two become fast friends. Feeling jaded by a number of broken romances, Dylan and Jamie decide that they are ready to quit looking for true love and focus on having fun. However, complications unfold when the two best pals add sex to their relationship.
Our Favorite Quotes:
‘It's not who you want to spend Friday night with. It's who you want to spend all day Saturday with.' – Tommy (Friends with Benefits) Share on X
Best Quotes
Dylan: [after he spills coffee on his pants] I’m your boss. Give me your pants.
Jamie: You know that I love this movie. If a prostitute and a ruthless business man can fall in love, then anyone can.
Kayla: [referring to Dylan arriving late to the John Mayer concert] Here’s an idea, next time, instead of being late, just s**t on my face. Because that’s kind of the same thing as missing Your Body Is a Wonderland.
Jamie: You said I was your soul mate!
Quincy: I did? When?
Jamie: When we were at that bed and breakfast having sex.
Quincy: But, you know, that doesn’t…
Jamie: That doesn’t what?
Quincy: Count.
Kayla: Maybe you should care a little bit less about work, and a little more about the girl you’re dating. Because last time I checked, work doesn’t reassure you that liking a finger up your a** doesn’t make you gay!
Dylan: I never said “go up”! Okay? I just said, lightly around. It’s like a little button. You know what? Not your issue anymore.
Jamie: Is this why you were late? You were worried about how to break up with me?
Quincy: Oh! No! No! I was trying to decide what to wear.
Jamie: So you went with sneakers and a hoodie.
Quincy: Yeah.
Jamie: What, are you going to take the SATS after this?
Quincy: [to Jamie] You want someone to sweep you off your feet, but you’re more interested in getting swept off your feet than the someone who’s doing the sweeping. You seem like you’ve got it totally together, but you’re actually really emotionally damaged. Also, you have like really big eyes. And that freaks me out sometimes.
Kayla: It is not you at all.
Dylan: Of course it’s me! You can’t say that! You’re breaking up with me!
Kayla: It’s not! It’s me! I don’t like you anymore.
Kayla: You’re a great guy. A little too emotionally unavailable, if you ask me.
Dylan: I didn’t.
'Why do relationships always start off so fun and then turn into suck-a-bag-of-d**ks?' - Dylan (Friends with Benefits) Share on X
Jamie: You really have to stop buying into this bulls**t Hollywood cliché of true love.
Jamie: [sees movie poster for a romantic comedy starring Katherine Heigl] Shut up, Katherine Heigl! You stupid liar!
Dylan: I’m just going to work and f***. Like George Clooney.
Jamie: I’m just going to shut myself down emotionally. Like George Clooney.
Dylan: You’re not exactly what comes to mind, when you think headhunter.
Jamie: Yeah, I prefer “executive recruiter”. Headhunter sounds a little creepy.
Dylan: You did stalk me for six months. Kind of creepy.
Jamie: I could put up a video of me mixing cake batter with my boobs and it will get eight million hits.
Dylan: That’s been done. Dunkin-My-Tits-Hynes.com.
Jamie: Really?
'Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.' - Dylan (Friends with Benefits) Share on X
Jamie: I’m not going to try to sell you on the job. I’m going to sell you on New York.
Dylan: It’s New York! I’ve seen Seinfeld.
Jamie: Not the bulls**t tourist version.
Dylan: Why do women think the only way to get a man to do what they want is to manipulate them?
Jamie: History. Personal experience. Romantic comedies.
Dylan: Shaun White seems really great. Nice dude. How do you know him again?
Jamie: I took his virginity.
Dylan: So you guys known each other for a while?
Jamie: No. It was like eight months ago.
Dylan: Wow. So does the carpet match the drapes?
Jamie: It’s a hardwood floors, if you know what I mean.
Dylan: My God! Terrible visual.
Jamie: Totally kidding, by the way. He’s just an old friend of mine.
Dylan: You guys use the same leave-in conditioner? His hair had nice body.
Jamie: [to Dylan, referring to the skyscraper rooftop] I like to come up here to think. Just when it gets a little too much for me down there. It’s like my New York version of mountaintop. Best part, no cell reception.
‘You want to be happy? Find someone you like and never let him go.’ – Tommy (Friends with Benefits) Share on X
Jamie: [referring to the flash mob at Time Square] It’s nice to feel like you’re a part of something. New York can be a little bit lonely at times.
Dylan: And you’re trying to sell me on it.
Jamie: Every place can be a bit lonely sometimes.
Tommy: Listen, I’d love to take you out one night and troll for c**k.
Dylan: What?
Tommy: You got some pretty boys out there in LA, but the quality in this town is ridiculous. We can tare this s**t up.
Dylan: I’m not gay, Tommy.
Tommy: Really? Oh. I just assumed, art director, and your face. Hey, no skin. More pipe for me.
Dylan: [referring to his work contract] A whole year? Oof!
Jamie: Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you’ve ever made?
Dylan: It’s not. T-Mobile, two years. And, f***, do I regret that one.
Dylan: I’m not f***ing asking you out! I swear to God!
Jamie: Okay. You don’t like me like that. You don’t have to be so mean about it.
Jamie: You’re emotionally unavailable?
Dylan: Oh, yeah.
Jamie: Oh, my God. I’m emotionally damaged. I haven’t seen you at the meetings.
'You're Prince Charming isn't coming to rescue you in a horse and carriage. That's not who you want. You're looking for a man to be your partner. You could take on the world with. You got to update your fairy tale.' - Lorna Share on X
Dylan: I’m done with the relationship thing.
Jamie: Girl, you are preaching to the congregation.
Dylan: Choir.
Jamie: What?
Dylan: “Preaching to the choir.” You’re supposed to preach to the congregation. That’s the expression.
Jamie: Did you understand what I’m saying? Then don’t be a d**k about it.
Dylan: [referring to romcoms] Why do all these movies have such bad music?
Jamie: It’s so that you know how to feel every single second.
Jamie: God, I wish my life was a movie sometimes. You know, I’d never have to worry about my hair, or having to go to the bathroom. And then, when I’m at my lowest point, some guy would chase me down the street, pour his heart out, and we’d kiss. Happily ever after.
Jamie: [referring to the couple riding in a carriage at the end of the movie] I mean, a horse and carriage? Come on! That is awesome!
Dylan: Not as awesome as this ambiguously upbeat pop song that has nothing to do with the plot they put in at the end to try to convince you that you had a great time at this s**tty movie.
Jamie: [referring to romcoms] You know, why don’t they ever a make a movie about what happens after they kiss?
Dylan: They do. It’s called porn.
Jamie: God, I miss sex! Right, I mean sometimes you just need it. It’s like cracking your neck.
Dylan: Why does it always got to come with complications?
Jamie: And emotions.
Dylan: And guilt.
Jamie: Woh! Guilt!
Dylan: It’s women’s fault.
Jamie: What?
Dylan: You heard me! “Hold me. Let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
Jamie: Oh, please! You are no better. “Oh, yeah. Baby, come on now. Say my name. Yeah! I’m done. How was I?”
Dylan: Who have you been with?
Dylan: It’s a physical act. Like playing tennis. Two people should be able to have sex like they’re playing tennis.
Jamie: Yeah. I mean, no one wants to go away for the weekend after they play tennis.
Dylan: It’s just a game. You shake hands, you get on with your s**t.
Dylan: Let’s play tennis.
Jamie: What?
Dylan: Let’s have sex like we’re playing tennis.
Jamie: Get the hell out of here!
Dylan: Don’t laugh! This could be great. This could take all the weirdness out of it.
Jamie: Well, we talked about this. I don’t like you like that.
Dylan: I don’t like you like that either. That’s why it’s perfect.
Jamie: I don’t even know if I find you attractive.
Dylan: That’s cute.
Jamie: Well, I do have a thing for jerks.
Jamie: Well, do you even find me attractive?
Dylan: That’s cute.
Jamie: No. No. No. Before you got to know my awesome personality. Strictly physical. First time you saw me.
Dylan: This is just two people talking?
Jamie: Yeah. Two girls, over drinks at Bennigan’s. Go.
Dylan: I liked your eyes. I didn’t think I’d ever seen such big, beautiful eyes.
Jamie: Your lips. Yeah. I thought you might be a good kisser.
Dylan: I am.
Dylan: Your breasts.
Jamie: What about them?
Dylan: They intrigued me.
Jamie: Really?
Dylan: Yeah.
Jamie: Oh, I think they’re so tiny.
Dylan: They’re still breasts.
Jamie: Thanks.
Jamie: I liked your hands.
Dylan: Mouth.
Jamie: Butt.
Dylan: Voice.
Jamie: Chest.
Dylan: Eyes.
Jamie: You said that.
Dylan: I meant it.
Jamie: You swear you don’t want anything more other than sex?
Dylan: You swear you don’t want anything more from me? I know how you girls get. Tick-took, tick-took.
Jamie: Stop it.
Dylan: You have a Bible app?
Jamie: Yes. I am a good girl.
Jamie: [swearing over the Bible app] No relationship. No emotions. Just sex.
Dylan: Whatever happens, we stay friends.
Jamie: Swear.
Dylan: Swear.
Dylan: So I guess we should just start.
Jamie: Okay.
Dylan: I’ll serve.
Jamie: That’s really, that’s enough of the tennis.
Dylan: You’re beautiful. You have nothing to be insecure about.
Jamie: No. You see. That is way too emotionally supportive and you need to just lock that down.
Dylan: Well, your a** is a little bony.
Jamie: Much better!
Jamie: My nipples are sensitive. I don’t like dirty talk. And had I known this was going to happen, I would have shaved my legs this morning.
Dylan: My chin is ticklish. I sneeze sometimes after I come. And if I’d have known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have shaved my legs this morning.
Jamie: Okie-dokie.
Dylan: Oh! I keep my socks on. Intimacy issues.
Jamie: Great. Because feet gross me out. Daddy issues.
Jamie: Are we getting too old for this?
Dylan: Sex?
Jamie: No. Casual sex. It just, I don’t know. It feels a little collegy.
Dylan: Oh, I could sing some Third Eye Blind.
Jamie: Okay.
Dylan: [to Jamie] Relax. Just a friend, going down on another friend.
Jamie: What are you trying to do? Dig your way to China?
Dylan: I’m good at this.
Jamie: Says who?
Dylan: Every girl I’ve been with.
Jamie: Well, they’re either lying, or their v***nas are made out of burlap. So, relax. You’re not a lizard.
Dylan: [after they’ve had sex] It was crazy and we shouldn’t have done it.
Jamie: Exactly! No. No. Exactly. I mean, it is so not me.
Dylan: I totally agree. Let’s forget it happened.
Jamie: Look, I know that I act all tough, and I talk all tough, but really…
Dylan: It’s just a front to protect yourself from your own vulnerability.
Jamie: What are you, my f***ing therapist now?
Dylan: No. I’m a friend. Who knows that every time you curse, you blink. Like your body is rejecting the word.
Dylan: We’re friends. Let’s stay friends.
Jamie: Yes. This, I don’t want to lose this.
Dylan: Me neither.
Jamie: [referring to his tattoo] A lightning bolt?
Dylan: Eighteen. Wanted super powers.
Jamie: Yeah.
Dylan: I was a little into Harry Potter back then.
Jamie: Were you also gay back then?
Dylan: Harry Potter doesn’t make you gay!
Dylan: [as they’re having sex] So, no butt?
Jamie: No!
Dylan: I got to be honest, I feel a little emasculated.
Jamie: A naked girl is lying on top of you, and you feel emasculated?
Dylan: A little bit.
Jamie: You do know what that word means, right?
Dylan: Yes! I know what it means, and I feel it.
Jamie: Okay. Alright. You big baby.
Dylan: Do you know how hard it is to pee with a hard-on?
Jamie: No, actually.
Dylan: It’s like two lanes of traffic merging into one. It takes time.
Jamie: [to Dylan] Did you wash your hands? Oh! Come on, dude. I know we’re just friends, but I’m still a lady. Now, get back in there, wash your hands. And then bring that fine a** back here.
Jamie: You’re whiskers are like knives.
Dylan: Now, see, if you were my girlfriend, I couldn’t tell you to shut up right now.
Jamie: And because you’re just my buddy, I can tell you that if you don’t start shaving up here, I’m going to stop shaving down there.
Dylan: [after Lorna catches him and Jamie having sex] We’re just friends.
Lorna: I love it! Ooh, it’s like the ‘70s in here. That was a better time. Just sex. A little grass, a little glue. Not during pregnancy. Well, not during the final trimester. But no complications. It’s great!
Lorna: So, my daughter is just your slampiece?
Dylan: No! No! Slampiece?
Lorna: I was just kidding! Slam away. Have fun. I think this is great. The only thing is, it takes you off the market. But what the hell! The whole reason you go to the market is to buy the produce, which you already got.
Dylan: But It’s just sex.
Tommy: That never works, bro. She’s a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don’t admit it.
Dylan: Jamie’s different.
Tommy: Does she have a p**is where most girls have a v***na?
Dylan: No p**is.
Tommy: Then she’s not different.
Dylan: What do you know about women, anyway?
Tommy: Dude, I’ve turned down more tail that you’ll ever have.
Dylan: Yeah, bro. You’re gay.
Tommy: But the offers still keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me? And, hey, I love women. They’re beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic. Far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But, me likes c**k. So I’m strictly d**kly.
Dylan: So, it’s always just about sex then?
Tommy: No. I’ve been in love. I went down that rabbit hole. You know what I discovered? It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with. It’s who you want to spend all day Saturday with. Feel me, Felix?
Dylan: Yeah. But then it’s every Saturday for the rest of your life.
Tommy: I’s okay. You don’t get it. It’s no big deal. But you will.
Dylan: You have a boat?
Tommy: I live in Jersey! And I ain’t taking no ferry! Unless it’s out to dinner and a show. Bam!
Lorna: I always thought you were a true love kind of girl.
Jamie: Whatever, Mom! It’s not like it’s stopping me from anything.
Lorna: That’s what I thought back in ’78. And every year since. I’m just, I’m flattered actually. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It’s just surprising.
Jamie: Dylan, I think I want to start dating again. Listen, I think we should stop this. Yeah?
Dylan: I kind of think you’re right.
Jamie: Right?
Dylan: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” That actually makes sense, right here. Who’d have thought that Third Eye Blind could be so prophetic?
Jamie: Not Third Eye Blind.
Dylan: I’m pretty sure that’s Third Eye Blind.
Jamie: So, this is the end of this!
Dylan: I guess so. But it’s good.
Jamie: Yeah. And we did it!
Dylan: With no bulls**t.
Dylan: Why did you wave to me?
Jamie: [referring to the guy she asked out on a date] Oh, I told him your my gay best friend. So he wants to set you up with his brother.
Jamie: [on their date] I can’t believe you actually cure cancer.
Parker: Well, me and God.
Jamie: What?
Parker: I’m kidding! Can you imagine someone would actually say that?
Jamie: Yeah, I could. I’ve been out with a lot of them.
Parker: Cancer doctors?
Jamie: No! A**holes! Yeah.
Parker: Well, hopefully you’re all done with that. Although, I got to warn you, a lot of cancer doctors, big a**holes.
Jamie: Alright, look, I think I should probably tell you something.
Parker: Please don’t tell me you’re a dude. Because that’ll be like the third time since I moved here, and I don’t think I can handle that.
Jamie: I have a five date rule. You know, like five dates before we…
Parker: Yeah.
Jamie: I saw it in a movie. I thought I’d give it a try.
Parker: You’re worth waiting for. I’m sure that was the line in the movie you saw.
Jamie: How is a guy like you single?
Parker: I’ve just been waiting for someone to come up to me in the park and compliment me for looking at the trees and not the sunbathers.
Jamie: Well, I meant it. It was impressive.
Parker: Actually, if I’m going to be completely honest with you, I was sleeping standing up. I work thirty-six hours straight. I don’t even know how I got to the park.
Parker: How is a girl like you single?
Jamie: Oh, I have issues. One might even call me damaged. Actually, one did call me damaged.
Parker: Get out of here. Damaged how?
Jamie: I kind of believe in true love. That there might be a Prince Charming out there for me.
Dylan: How’s your boy Parker? Still staring at trees?
Jamie: Yeah. He’s still looking up at trees. But this time it’s actually in my apartment.
Dylan: It’s fifth date already?
Jamie: Maybe. Thank you.
Dylan: Did you guys, “fifth-data”?
Jamie: How dare you! A lady never tells.
Dylan: I know. That’s why I’m asking you.
Jamie: [the next day after she sleeps with Parker] The sneak-out. How incredibly cliché of you!
Parker: I just, I don’t think I can be your Prince Charming.
Jamie: God! You totally didn’t get anything that I was saying, did you?
Parker: No! No! No! I think you’re great.
Jamie: Yeah, you too. Hey, you know what? You and I should stay friends.
Parker: Really?
Jamie: No! Go f*** yourself!
Jamie: [after breaking up with Parker] Maybe I suck in bed?
Dylan: Trust me. You don’t suck in bed.
Jamie: Thank you.
Dylan: So needy. Hey, maybe the guy’s married or something?
Jamie: No. Did a background check at work. Single. No criminal history. Credit report, seven-twenty.
Dylan: Background check? Did you do one on me?
Jamie: How could you possibly max out an Old Navy card?
Dylan: After college I was really into cargo pants!
Jamie: I got to stop thinking it’s not me. I mean, it’s got to be me!
Dylan: It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you. He’s a guy. You gave him a five date challenge, he got you and cutout. Forget the douche. He’s a d**k. He’s a d**k-douche.
Jamie: [after Dylan invites her to go with him to visit his family] Won’t they think that we’re together?
Dylan: Not if I tell them we’re not.
Jamie: And they’ll believe you?
Dylan: Yeah. We’re one of these crazy families that doesn’t lie to each other. PBS is doing a documentary on us.
Annie: It’s nice to have Dylan bring a girl home.
Jamie: We’re just friends.
Annie: Oh, no. I know. If you were his girlfriend, he never would have brought you here. This one has intimacy issues.
Jamie: I know.
Jamie: [after Dylan suggests they have sex] Are you serious? Why would you just assume?
Dylan: You cracked your neck on the porch. This thing, that’s your tell, remember?
Jamie: I cracked my neck because we were on a flight for six hours. And you were yapping my ear off about how planes all fly themselves. And it actually kinked my neck a bit.
Dylan: Okay. I’m sorry. I thought this would be a good way to take your mind off of him.
Jamie: No. I don’t function that way. Sex is not going to help. But you know what will? Emotional support.
Dylan: Before we were sex without emotion. And now we’re emotion without sex.
Jamie: Exactly. I just need you to be my friend right now.
Dylan: Okay. So, I’ll listen to you while you give me a hand job.
Jamie: Have you really never brought a girl home before?
Dylan: I brought you here.
Jamie: I mean, like a real girl. Not a friend.
Dylan: A real girl?
Jamie: Yeah.
Dylan: I guess not. Separation of church and state.
Jamie: Ah, yes. Build up as many walls as possible. That’s really healthy.
Dylan: What about you and your mom? You couldn’t get me out of there fast enough when she walked in on us.
Jamie: That was for your own protection. Okay? I’m just surprised she didn’t try to slip you her number or something.
Dylan: Oh, she did. She put it in my phone. Under “MILF”.
Jamie: Oh, my God.
Dylan: It’s cool. Really. We only hooked up like twice.
Sam: I like Jamie. And she’s pretty too.
Dylan: Hey, easy, dude. Don’t you go and casting a spell on her.
Sam: I’m a magician, not a wizard. You and your gay Harry Potter.
Dylan: You can’t deny that going to Hogwarts wouldn’t be life changing.
Dylan: [as they’re climbing over the fence to get to the Hollywood sign] They take this s**t seriously. Okay? Look at all the cameras. This is the only landmark this city has, other than the Scientology Center. And if any of these cameras are hooked up to the actual Scientology Center. That was an inappropriate joke and I apologize! I believe in the freedom of science fiction!
Jamie: [as they’re sitting on the Hollywood sign] You really never been up here before?
Dylan: No. I’ve also never transferred heroin in my rectum. Because it’s against the law.
Jamie: You know, sometimes a simple yes or no answer is adequate.
Dylan: I have a fear of heights! And also helicopters! They don’t make sense to me!
Jamie: What do you mean you have a fear of heights? Why would you come up here?
Dylan: You called me a pu**y!
Annie: What more are you looking for?
Dylan: Who says I’m looking for anything?
Annie: Dylan.
Dylan: I don’t know. But it’s not Jamie.
Annie: Why? Because you’re great together? Because you’re actually friends with each other? Because this is the happiest that I have ever seen you?
Dylan: I don’t know what to tell you, Annie. She’s not for me. I don’t like her like that.
Annie: You like her enough to have sex with her.
Dylan: It’s just physical. Like playing tennis.
Annie: I don’t even know what that means, Dylan.
Annie: I haven’t seen you this dumb, since you got that candy corn tattoo.
Dylan: It’s a lightning bolt! With extra powers!
Annie: [referring to Jamie] Dylan, you can’t name one thing that’s wrong with her.
Dylan: I can never go out with her. She’s too f***ed up. Okay, she doesn’t want a boyfriend. She’s too damaged. Magnum, PI couldn’t solve the s**t going on in her head.
Annie: Wow. You’ll say anything right now not to admit that you’re perfect for each other.
Tommy: [referring to Dylan working through lunch] A work ethic. I love it. That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany, and France, and Belgium, and Japan, and China. Thank God for Bangladesh.
Tommy: By the way, why did you take your door off its lovely hinges?
Dylan: It was dumb, man. Something I saw in management book.
Tommy: Oh. Right. Right. Like that’s how Warren Buffett got rich. He took doors off of things. Hey, everybody wants a short cut in life. My guide book is very simple. You want to lose weight? Stop eating, fatty. You want to make money? Work your a** off, lazy. You want to be happy? Find someone you like and never let him go. Or her, if you’re into that kind of creepy s**t.
Jamie: But I’m just going to go and try to fix the s**t going up on in my head, if that’s even possible.
Jamie: I thought we were friends. But friends don’t go talking s**t about each other. Which must mean that you and I were actually never friends. That all you wanted was to get into my pants.
Dylan: What?
Dylan: Are you pi**ed off at me because I didn’t cuddle? Isn’t that why we started this whole arrangement in the first place? You wanted this.
Jamie: I wanted this? Just me? God, you are just like every other guy. The sad thing is, Dylan, I actually thought you were different.
Dylan: Different from what? I’m not your boyfriend. I’m your friend.
Jamie: Well, with friends like you, who needs friends? And thank you for ruining my mountaintop. A**hole!
Lorna: Do you want some motherly love advice?
Jamie: Not really.
Lorna: Oh, good. Because I don’t know how to do that. What I do know is that it’s no great goddamn secret you live in fear of repeating my mistakes. And you’re not wrong. So learn from me.
Lorna: Do you know how many men in my life I thought were really perfect?
Jamie: Eighty.
Lorna: One.
Jamie: Eighty-one?
Lorna: One. It was your dad. Greatest man I ever met. Obviously. Look at you. How smart you are. How great. How funny. How driven. Your vaguely Middle Eastern beauty. Sure as hell didn’t all come from me.
Lorna: I mean, we all have our Prince Charming. You just got to know him when you see him.
Jamie: Mom, it’s Prince Charming. You should just know.
Lorna: Well, you’re Prince Charming isn’t coming to rescue you in a horse and carriage. That’s not who you want. I mean, you’re looking for a man to be your partner. You could take on the world with. You got to update your fairy tale, baby. My Prince Charming? You.
Jamie: I have the perfect body for Photoshop.
Jamie: [referring to her face] Yeah, this gets more angular.
Jamie: [referring to her legs] These get longer.
Jamie: [referring to her nose] And this gets way more Christian.
Mr. Harper: You know, my friends used to say that when Dede and I looked at each other, it was electric. And I let her go. I just let her go. Because I was too damn proud to tell her how I really felt about her. I’ll tell you something that I wish I knew when I was your age. And I know you’ve heard it a million times, “life is short”. But let me tell you something.
Mr. Harper: [referring to his Alzheimer’s] What this is teaching me is that life is goddamn short and you can’t waste a minute of it.
Mr. Harper: Fix it.
Dylan: [referring to Jamie] She won’t talk to me.
Mr. Harper: Maybe she’ll listen. There’s always a way. If you think there’s even a chance that she could be it, you fix it.
Dylan: Did Annie put you up to this?
Mr. Harper: Who’s Annie? I’m kidding! What, I can’t joke about this?
Dylan: [to Jamie] I messed up. I was scared. Look at what happened with my mom and dad. Of course I was scared. So I ruined it. Everything that happens in the day, all I can think to myself is, “I can’t wait to tell Jamie about this.” When I see someone cursing, all I picture is you blinking. And when I hear a kid’s been cured of cancer, I pray it’s not by that douchebag, tree-hugging, f***ing doctor who ran out on you. I mean, cancer being cured is awesome. But you know, I wish someone else did it.
Dylan: Hey, I miss you.
Jamie: I miss you. But you’re not wrong. I am damaged.
Dylan: So am I. Who isn’t? That’s what makes us so awesome. And our tattoos.
Dylan: [kneels in front of her and takes her hand] It’s not what you think. Jamie, will you be my best friend again?
Jamie: That is so lame.
Dylan: Oh, I know. That’s some Prince Charming s**t though, right?
Dylan: Look, I can live without ever having sex with you again. It’d be really hard. Hey, I want my best friend back. Because I’m in love with her.
Jamie: Under one condition.
Dylan: Anything.
Jamie: Kiss me.
Dylan: In public? In front of all these people?
Jamie: I did not ask you to…
[he kisses her]
Jamie: What do we do now?
Dylan: Have our first date.
Jamie: [as they walk out of Grand Central Terminal] Oh, my God! Did you get a horse and carriage?
Dylan: Yeah. That’s not for you.
Jamie: Oh, thank God. Horses actually scare the s**t out of me
Dylan: Really?
Jamie: Yeah.
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