Guardians of the Galaxy Quotes: Vibrant Quirky Humor(Total Quotes: 88)
Directed by: James Gunn
Dan Abnett (comic book)
Andy Lanning (comic book)
Chris Pratt – Peter Quill
Zoe Saldana – Gamora
Dave Bautista – Drax
Vin Diesel – Groot (voice)
Bradley Cooper – Rocket (voice)
Lee Pace – Ronan
Michael Rooker – Yondu Udonta
Karen Gillan – Nebula
Djimon Hounsou – Korath
John C. Reilly – Corpsman Dey
Glenn Close – Nova Prime
Benicio Del Toro – The Collector
Laura Haddock – Meredith Quill
Sean Gunn – Kraglin
Peter Serafinowicz – Denarian Saal
Christopher Fairbank – The Broker
Wyatt Oleff – Young Quill
Gregg Henry – Grandpa
Stan Lee – Xandarian Ladies’ Man
Alexis Denisof – The Other
Josh Brolin – Thanos
Seth Green – Howard the Duck (voice)
OUR REVIEW & RATING ★★★★☆
This installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is based on a lesser known comic book, which was a big gamble to take, however Guardian of the Galaxy quotes are a surprisingly near perfect blend vibrant self-aware humor that is very reminiscent of kitsch 80s Sci-Fi’s. The story follows Peter Quill (a.k.a. Star-Lord), an orphan of Earth, who finds himself the object of a manhunt by bounty hunters after stealing an orb coveted by the villainous Ronan the Accuser. But when Quill and his pursuers land in prison the oddball group of misfits strike a temporary alliance to help each other reach their respective goals; however, when Quill discovers the true power of the orb and the menace it poses to the cosmos, with the galaxy’s fate in the balance he rallies his rivals for a last desperate stand.
Although this is a conventional story with an all too familiar narrative arc, the strong script and direction of Jamie Gunn have successfully turned this into a hugely entertaining yarn with quirky humor and weirdly lovable characters. The main cast are excellent in providing shining and charismatic personalities to their oddball characters. However, with so many new characters, and such a vast cosmos to establish, there are a few things that get lost in the plot, but these are minor quibbles.
Verdict: This film is simply a fun nostalgic piece of adventure with a boundless mix of self-referential humor, great dialogue, action and off-the-wall characters that will no doubt bring forth plenty of sequels and spinoffs.
[first lines; Earth 1988 – young Peter Quill sits in the waiting room of a hospital, listening to the “Awesome Mix” tape on his Walkman when his grandfather comes over to him]
Grandpa: Peter, your mama wants to speak with you. Come on, Pete. Take these fool things off.
[his grandfather takes the headphones off of Peter’s head, turns off the Walkman, takes Peter to see his mother, who’s lying sick in bed, she notices his eye is bruised]
Meredith Quill: Why have you been fighting with the other boys again, baby?
[Peter shrugs his shoulders]
Meredith Quill: Peter?
Young Quill: They killed a little frog that ain’t done nothin’. Smushed it with a stick.
Meredith Quill: You’re so like you daddy, you even look like him. And he was an angel, composed of pure light…
[Meredith’s eyes close for a moment]
Grandpa: Mer? You got a present for Peter, don’t you?
Meredith Quill: Of course. There.
[she touches the small wrapped present and card, her father takes them and puts them in Peter’s backpack]
Grandpa: I’ve got you covered, Pete.
Meredith Quill: You open it up when I’m gone, okay?
[Peter’s eyes start welling up with tears]
Meredith Quill: Your grandpa is gonna take such good care of you. At least until your daddy comes back to get you.
Meredith Quill: Take my hand.
[she opens her hand but Peter looks away]
Meredith Quill: Peter.
[Peter begins to cry]
Grandpa: Pete, come on.
Meredith Quill: Take my hand.
[just then Meredith’s heart stops]
Young Quill: Mom? No! No! No! No! Mom! No!
[as the doctor’s rush into Meredith’s room, Peter’s grandfather carries Peter]
Grandpa: Come with me.
Young Quill: No! No!
Grandpa: You’ve got to stay here. Please.
Young Quill: No.
[Peter watches his grandfather walk back into the room, then Peter runs outside he falls to his knees as he weeps]
Young Quill: No.
[suddenly a spaceship appears above him and abducts him]
Young Quill: Mom!
[26 Year Later on Morag, an abandoned planet, adult Peter Quill searches for a mysterious orb, as he enters the cave where the orb is located, Peter puts on his Walkman to listen to “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone, he starts dancing and singing along as he finds the orb, just he’s about to take the orb he is intercepted by Korath and his henchmen]
Korath: Drop it!
Peter Quill: Uh…hey.
[Korath instructs his henchmen to grab Peter]
Korath: Drop it, now!
Peter Quill: Hey, cool, man. No problem.
[Peter drops the orb just as the two henchman come closer to him with their guns pointed at him]
Peter Quill: No problem at all.
[Korath picks up the orb]
Korath: How do you know about this?
Peter Quill: I don’t even know what that is. I’m just a junker, man. I was just…just checking stuff out.
Korath: You don’t look like a junker. You’re wearing Ravager garb!
Peter Quill: This is just an outfit, man.
[to Korath’s henchmen who keep prodding him]
Peter Quill: Ninja Turtle, you better stop poking me.
Korath: What is your name?!
Peter Quill: My name is Peter Quill, okay? Dude, chill out.
Peter Quill: Why?
Korath: Ronan may have questions for you.
[Korath turns to leave]
Peter Quill: Hey, you know what? There’s another name you might know me by.
[Korath stops and turns back to look at Peter]
Peter Quill: Star-Lord.
Peter Quill: Star-Lord, man. Legendary outlaw.
[Korath shrugs in confusion]
Peter Quill: Guys?
Peter Quill: Oh, forget this.
[Peter pulls out his guns shoots the two henchmen and Korath then just as he picks up the orb Korath rises, shoots at Peter who manages being hit, he falls to the ground puts on his helmet, his boots become like rockets and he propels himself out of the cave, he then manages to get back to his ship and take off as Korath’s henchmen shoot at his ship]
[after escaping Korath and his men, Peter nearly loses control of his ship but manages to pull it back up in time, just then a woman appears]
Bereet: Peter? What happened?
Peter Quill: Hey, uh…uh. I…
[Peter tries to remember her name]
Peter Quill: Bereet! Look, I’m gonna be totally honest with you. I forgot you were here.
[she looks at him with shock; later as they are traveling away from Morag Peter watches the news on this monitor]
News Reporter: Scattered riots broke out across the Kree Empire today protesting the recent peace treaty signed by the Kree Emperor and Xandar’s Nova Prime.
Bereet: Peter, you have call.
[Bereet presses the screen to answer the call]
Peter Quill: No, wait, don’t!
[Peter’s partner, Yondu comes up on the monitor]
Yondu Udonta: Quill?
Peter Quill: Hey, Yondu.
Yondu Udonta: I’m here on Morag. Ain’t no Orb, ain’t no you.
Peter Quill: Well, I was in the neighborhood. I thought I’d save you the hassle.
Yondu Udonta: Well, where are you at now, boy?
Peter Quill: I feel really bad about this, but I’m not gonna tell you that.
Yondu Udonta: I slaved putting this deal together…
Peter Quill: Slaved? Making a few calls is “slaved”?
Yondu Udonta: And now you’re gonna rip me off!
Peter Quill: I mean, really?
Yondu Udonta: We do not do that to each other. We’re Ravagers, we got a code.
Peter Quill: Yeah, and that code is “steal from everybody.”
Yondu Udonta: When I picked you up on Terra…
Peter Quill: “Picked me up.”
Yondu Udonta: …these boys of mine wanted to eat you.
Peter Quill: Yeah?
Yondu Udonta: They ain’t never tasted any Terran before. I stopped ’em. You’re alive because of me! I will find you, I will…
[Peter cuts him off by ending the call]
[to his men, referring to Peter]
Yondu Udonta: Put a bounty on him! Forty K. But I want him back alive.
Kraglin: Yeah, Cap.
Yondu Udonta: That’s what I said.
Horuz: I told you when you picked that kid up, you should have delivered him like we was hired to do! He was cargo! You have always been soft on him.
Yondu Udonta: You’re the only one I’m being soft on! Now, don’t you worry about Mr. Quill. As soon as we get him back here, I’m gonna kill him myself. What we do need to worry about, is who else out there wants that orb!
[on the Kree Warship, the Dark Aster, Ronan is being dressed by his servants]
Ronan: They call me “terrorist,” “radical,” “zealot,” because I obey the ancient laws of my people, the Kree, and punish those who do not. Because I do not forgive your people for taking the life of my father, and his father, and his father before him. A thousand years of war between us will not be forgotten!
[Ronan picks up a massive weapon which resembles a hammer]
Xandarian Prisoner: You can’t do this! Our government signed a peace treaty.
Ronan: My government knows no shame. You Xandarians and your culture are a disease.
Xandarian Prisoner: You will never rule Xandar.
Ronan: No. I will cure it!
[Ronan suddenly uses his weapon to strike the prisoner in the head, killing him]
Nebula: Ronan, Korath has returned.
[Ronan meets with Korath]
Korath: Master, he is a thief, an outlaw who calls himself Star-Lord. But we have discovered he has an agreement to retrieve the orb for an intermediary known as The Broker.
Ronan: I promised Thanos I would retrieve the orb for him. Only then will he destroy Xandar for me. Nebula, go to Xandar and get me the orb.
Nebula: It will be my honor.
Gamora: It will be your doom. If this happens again, you’ll be facing our father without his prize.
Nebula: I’m a daughter of Thanos, just like you.
Gamora: But I know Xandar.
Nebula: Ronan has already decreed that I…
Ronan: Do not speak for me.
Ronan: You will not fail.
Gamora: Have I ever?
[on Xander, Capital of the Nova Empire, Rocket and Groot, tree-like humanoid, are spying on the Xandarians in the city]
Rocket: Xandarians. What a bunch of losers. All of them in a big hurry to get from something stupid to nothing at all. Pathetic.
[referring to the Xandarian man with short blond hair walking on the sidewalk]
Rocket: Look at this guy! Can you believe they call us criminals, when he’s assaulting us with that haircut?
[referring to the small Xandarian child getting help whilst walking]
Rocket: What is this thing? Look how it thinks it’s so cool. It’s not cool to get help! Walk by yourself, you little gargoyle!
[referring to the older Xandarian man (Stan Lee) chatting up a pretty young woman]
Rocket: Look at Mr. Smiles over here. Where’s your wife, old man? What a class-A pervert.
Rocket: Right, Groot? Groot?
[he looks over to Groot and sees he’s drinking water from the nearby fountain]
Rocket: Don’t drink fountain water, you idiot. That’s disgusting!
[Groot shakes his head pretending he didn’t drink it]
Rocket: Yes, you did. I just saw you doing it. Why are you lying?
[Rocket’s tablet starts beeping warning him of a human sighting]
Rocket: Whoop. Looks like we got one. Okay, humie, how bad does someone wanna find you?
[his tablet shows Peter talking to Bereet, Rocket sees that there’s a bounty on Peter]
Rocket: Forty thousand units? Groot, we’re gonna be rich.
[Rockets looks over to Groot and finds him drinking from the water from fountain again, he sighs and shakes his head]
[Peter enters a shop in Xandar and is greeted by the Broker]
The Broker: Mr. Quill.
Peter Quill: Broker. The orb.
[he holds out the orb and places it on the counter in front of the Broker]
Peter Quill: As commissioned.
The Broker: Where’s Yondu?
Peter Quill: Wanted to be here, sends his love. And told me to tell you, that you got the best eyebrows in the business.
[the Broker picks up the orb]
Peter Quill: What is it?
The Broker: It’s my policy never to discuss my clients, or their needs.
Peter Quill: Yeah, well, I almost died getting it for you.
The Broker: An occupational hazard, I’m sure, in your line of work.
Peter Quill: Some machine-headed freak, working for a dude named Ronan.
[the Broker suddenly looks afraid]
The Broker: Ronan? I’m sorry, Mr. Quill. I truly am. But I want no part of this transaction if Ronan is involved.
[he gives the orb back to Peter and starts pushing him towards his shop door]
Peter Quill: Woh! Woh, woh, woh! Who’s Ronan?
The Broker: A Kree fanatic, outraged by the peace treaty, who will not rest until Xandarian culture, my culture, is wiped from existence!
[the Brokers starts pushing Peter again]
Peter Quill: Woh. Come on!
The Broker: He’s someone whose bad side I’d rather not be on.
Peter Quill: What? What about my bad side?
[the Broker opens his shop door and pushes Peter out]
The Broker: Farewell, Mr. Quill.
[he closes the door in Peter’s face]
[shouting to the Broker through his closed shop door]
Peter Quill: Hey, we had a deal, bro!
[as he steps back he notices Gamora standing nearby watching him]
Gamora: What happened?
Peter Quill: Uh…this guy just backed out of a deal on me. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a man without integrity. Peter Quill. People call me Star-Lord.
Gamora: You have the bearing of a man of honor.
[Peter starts to playfully throw the orb up and down in his hand]
Peter Quill: Well, you know, I wouldn’t say that. People say it about me, all the time, but it’s not something I would ever say about myself.
[suddenly Gamora grabs the orb, kicks Peter in his stomach and runs off, Peter throws something like a magnetic rope which catches around Gamora’s legs and trips her up, as she gets the rope off her legs Peter catches up to her but Gamora manages to kick him off and starts punching him, she holds up her knife ready to stab him]
Gamora: This wasn’t the plan.
[as she’s about to stab Peter, Rocket jumps on to her and knocks her down; to Groot referring to Peter]
Rocket: Put him in the bag. Put him in the bag!
[Groot extends his roots and goes to grab Gamora]
Rocket: No! Not her, him! Learn genders, man.
[as he struggles with Gamora she tries to bite him]
Rocket: Biting? That’s not fair!
[as Rocket is fighting with Gamora, Peter uses this opportunity to grab the orb and runs off]
[as Rocket struggles to hold Gamora]
Rocket: Take it easy!
[Gamora manages to free herself from Rocket and Groot’s clutches, she throws Rockets aside, picks up a piece of metal, throws it at Peter’s hand making him drop the orb, she grabs and as she runs off Peter jumps on to her and knocks her down but Gamora overpowers him again and hold Peter down]
Gamora: Fool. You should have learned.
Peter Quill: I don’t learn. One of my issues.
[Peter grabs the orb from her hand, attaches small rocket launcher on Gamora and sets it off throwing Gamora aside, thinking he’s in the clear suddenly Groot places a bag over Peter’s head]
Peter Quill: What the…
[Groot starts carrying Peter in the bag over his shoulder]
Rocket: Quit smiling, you idiot. You’re supposed to be a professional.
[just then he sees Gamora coming towards them]
Rocket: You gotta be kidding me.
[she pushes Rocket aside]
[Gamora fights with Groot, cutting off his arms, as she opens the bag Peter suddenly uses his gun to electrocute her and runs off, Rocket gets out his gun and aims it at Peter]
Rocket: I live for the simple things. Like how much this is gonna hurt.
[he shoots his gun which shoots a ball of electricity at Peter giving him an electric shock]
Rocket: Yeah. Writhe, little man.
[he looks at Groot who is looking sadly as his severed arms]
Rocket: It’ll grow back, you D’ast idiot. Quit whining.
[just then they are captured by The Nova Corps]
Nova Arresting Pilot: Subject 89P13, drop your weapon.
Rocket: Oh, crap.
[Rockets reluctantly drops his weapon]
Nova Arresting Pilot: By the authority of the Nova Corps, you are under arrest…
[at the same time Peter is being arrested]
Corpsman Dey: Alright. Come on up.
Nova Arresting Pilot: …for endangerment to life and the destruction of property.
[as Dey arrests Peter he recognizes him]
Corpsman Dey: Hey! If it isn’t Star-Prince.
Peter Quill: Star-Lord.
Corpsman Dey: Oh, sorry. Lord.
[to his partner]
Corpsman Dey: I picked this guy up a while back for petty theft. He’s got a code name.
Peter Quill: Come on, man. It’s a…it’s an outlaw name.
Corpsman Dey: Just relax, pal. It’s cool to have a code name. It’s not that weird.
[referring to the Nova Corps]
[we see as Rocket, Groot and an unconscious Gamora are arrested]
[at Nova Headquarters, Xandar’s Armed Forces, Nova Prime is on call to the Kree Ambassador]
Nova Prime: Ronan is destroying Xandarian outposts throughout the galaxy. I should think that would call for some slight response on the part of the Kree.
Kree Ambassador: We signed your peace treaty, Nova Prime. What more do you want?
Nova Prime: At least a statement from the Kree Empire saying that they condemn his actions. He is slaughtering children, families.
Kree Ambassador: That is your business. Now, I have other matters to attend to.
[he ends the call]
Nova Prime: Prick.
Denarian Saal: Well, some good news. Looks like we’ve apprehended one of Ronan’s compatriots.
[after all four have been captured and taken to Nova Headquarters, Dey presents each of them to Saal]
Corpsman Dey: Gamora. Surgically modified and trained as a living weapon. The adopted daughter of the Mad Titan, Thanos. Recently, Thanos lent her and her sister Nebula out to Ronan, which leads us to believe that Thanos and Ronan are working together.
[next it’s Rocket]
Corpsman Dey: Subject 89P13. Calls itself Rocket. The result of illegal genetic and cybernetic experiments on a lower life form.
[referring to Groot]
Denarian Saal: What the hell?
Corpsman Dey: They call it Groot. A humanoid plant that’s been traveling recently as 89P13’s personal house plant slash muscle.
[next up is Peter]
Corpsman Dey: Peter Jason Quill, from Terra. Raised from youth by a band of mercenaries called the Ravagers, led by Yondu Udonta.
[Quill winds up his middle finger and flips the bird at them]
Peter Quill: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how this machine worked.
Denarian Saal: What a bunch of a-holes.
Denarian Saal: Transport all four to the Kyln.
[as the four of them are taken to The Kyln, High Security Prison]
Rocket: I guess most of Nova Corps wanna uphold the laws, but these ones here, they’re corrupt and cruel. But, hey, that’s not my problem. I ain’t gonna be here long. I’ve escaped twenty-two prisons, this one’s no different. You’re lucky the broad showed up, because otherwise, me and Groot would be collecting that bounty right now, and you’d be getting drawn and quartered by Yondu and those Ravagers.
Peter Quill: I’ve had a lot of folks try to kill me over the years. I ain’t about to be brought down by a tree and a talking raccoon.
Prison Guard: Hold.
Rocket: What’s a raccoon?
Peter Quill: “What’s a raccoon?” It’s what you are, stupid.
Rocket: Ain’t no thing like me, except me.
[as they are being led to their cell]
Peter Quill: So, this orb has a real shiny blue suitcase, Ark of the Covenant, Maltese Falcon sort of vibe. What is it?
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: So what? What’s the orb?
Gamora: I have no words for an honorless thief.
Rocket: Pretty high and mighty coming from the lackey of a genocidal maniac.
[Gamora looks at Rocket]
Rocket: Yeah, I know who you are. Anyone who’s anyone knows who you are.
Peter Quill: Yeah, we know who you are.
Peter Quill: Who is she?
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Yeah, you said that.
Gamora: I wasn’t retrieving the orb for Ronan, I was betraying him. I had an agreement to sell it to a third party.
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Well, that’s just as fascinating as the first eighty-nine times you told me that. What is wrong with Giving Tree, here?
Rocket: Well, he don’t know talking good like me and you. So his vocabulistics is limited to “l” and “am” and “Groot.” Exclusively in that order.
Peter Quill: Well I tell you what, that’s gonna wear real thin, real fast. If I…
[suddenly Peter notices one of the prison guards playing with his Walkman]
Peter Quill: Hey. Put that away.
[the guard places the headphones on his head]
Peter Quill: You son of a… Hey! Listen to me, you big blue bastard. Take those headphones off. That’s mine, those belong to impound. That tape and that player is mine!
[suddenly the prison guard pokes Peter with his stun-rod and zaps him with electric shock; referring to the song playing on his Walkman]
Peter Quill: Hooked on a Feeling, Blue Swede, 1973. That song belongs to me!
[the prison guard pokes Peter again with his stun-rod giving Peter and zaps him hard with electric shock]
[the four of them are then cleansed and dressed in prison gear before being taken through to the prison where the inmates start threatening and throwing stuff at Gamora]
Prisoner #1: You first! You first!
Prisoner #2: Murderer!
Prisoner #1: Coming for you first, Gamora!
Prisoner #3: You’re dead!
Prisoner #4: You’re scum! You’re scum!
Rocket: It’s like I said, she’s got a rep. A lot of prisoners here have lost their families to Ronan and his goons. She’ll last a day, tops.
Prisoner #5: Murderer!
Peter Quill: The guards will protect her, right?
Rocket: They’re here to stop us from getting out. They don’t care what we do to each other inside.
Gamora: Whatever nightmares the future holds, are dreams compared to what’s behind me. [Peter turns to see a blue monstrous inmate]
Monstrous Inmate: Check out the new meat. I’m gonna slather you up in Gunavian jelly, and go to town…
[suddenly Groot uses his trunk to insert into the inmate’s nostrils; to the other inmates]
Rocket: Let’s make something clear. This one here is our booty! You wanna get to him, you go through us! Or, more accurately, we go through you.
[Groot drops the monstrous inmate to the ground and walks off with Rocket following him]
Peter Quill: I’m with them.
[the other inmates continue to hurl abuse at Gamora as she walks towards their cell]
Prisoner: No cell’s gonna protect you for long.
[Gamora enters her cell, she sits and as the door closes the other inmates continue to hurl abuse, with one inmate, Drax, taking a more personal interest; later as the others sleep the inmates have got hold of Gamora]
Prison Guard: Take her down to the showers. It’ll be easier to clean up the blood down there.
[Peter wakes to see the inmates dragging Gamora off]
Rocket: Quill, where you going?
[Peter goes to follow them]
[the inmates have drawn their knives at Gamora]
Moloka Dar: Gamora, consider this a death sentence for your crimes against the galaxy.
[suddenly they are interrupted by Drax]
Drax: You dare? You know who I am, yes?
Moloka Dar: You’re Drax, The Destroyer.
[Peter and Rocket have followed them and are listening]
Drax: And you know why they call me this.
Moloka Dar: You slayed dozens of Ronan’s minions.
[to the inmates that are planning to kill Gamora]
Drax: Ronan murdered my wife, Ovette, and my daughter, Camaria. He slaughtered them where they stood. And he laughed!
[whispering to Peter as they watch]
[to the inmates]
Drax: Her life is not yours to take. He killed my family, I shall kill one of his in return.
Moloka Dar: Of course, Drax. Here, I…
[he hands his knife to Drax, but suddenly Gamora kicks out and takes the other two inmates weapons and holds them against Drax and Moloka Dar; at the same time Peter walks slowly towards them]
Rocket: Quill! What are you doing?
Gamora: I’m no family to Ronan or Thanos.
[she steps back and drops the knives]
Gamora: I’m your only hope at stopping him.
[Drax suddenly grabs Gamora by her throat]
Drax: Woman, your words mean nothing to me!
[Peter interrupts him]
Peter Quill: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
Rocket: Oh, crap.
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