Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Best Quotes

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Sean Gunn, Glenn Close, Pom Klementieff, Elizabeth Debicki, Chris Sullivan, Kurt Russell

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

Marvel’s superhero sequel written and directed by James Gunn. The story is set two months after the first movie to the backdrop of ‘Awesome Mixtape #2’. As the Guardians travels throughout the cosmos, the team must fight to keep their newfound family together as they unravel the mysteries of Peter Quill’s (Chris Pratt) true parentage.

REVIEWS

Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 53)

Peter Quill: Showtime, A-holes!

Peter Quill: It’ll be here any minute.
Gamora: Which will be its loss.
[Gamora cocks her weapon]
Peter Quill: Is that a rifle?
Gamora: You don’t know what a rifle looks like?
Peter Quill: I thought your thing was a sword?
Gamora: We’ve been hired to stop an interdimensional beast from feeding on those batteries, and I’m going to stop it with a sword?
Peter Quill: It’s just, swords were your thing and guns were mine. But I guess we’re both doing guns now. I just didn’t know that.

Rocket: Well, that’s intense.

[referring to the beast they are trying to kill]
Drax: The beast’s hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside. I must cut through it from the inside
Gamora: Huh? No! No, Drax, wait minute! Drax!
[Drax jumps into the beast’s mouth and he’s swallowed by the beast]
Peter Quill: What is he doing?!
Gamora: He said the skin is too thick to be pierced from the outside so he…
Peter Quill: That doesn’t make any sense!
Gamora: I tried telling him that!
Peter Quill: The skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
Gamora: I realize that!
[we see Drax desperately trying to stab through the beasts skin from the inside]
Peter Quill: There’s a cut on its neck. Rocket, you need to look up!

Ayesha: We thank you, Guardians, for putting your lives on the line. We could not risk the lives of our own Sovereign citizens. Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable, both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny, germinating them in birthing pods.
Peter Quill: I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
Ayesha: Perhaps someday, you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
Peter Quill: I would be honored, yes.

[referring to the Sovereign people]
Rocket: You know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags, but that isn’t true at all.
[Rocket winks at Peter]
Peter Quill: Dude!
Rocket: Oh, shit. I’m using my wrong eye again, aren’t I? I’m sorry. That was meant to be behind your back.

Drax: There are two types of beings in the universe, those who dance, and those who do not.
Peter Quill: Mmm-hmm.
Drax: I first met my beloved at a war rally.
Peter Quill: Oh, God.
Drax: Everyone in the village flailed about, dancing. Except one woman. My Ovette. I knew immediately she was the one for me. The most melodic song in the world could be playing. She wouldn’t even tap her foot, wouldn’t move a muscle. One might assume she was dead.
Peter Quill: That does sound pretty hot.
Drax: It would make my nether regions engorge.
Peter Quill: Okay. I get it, yes. I am a dancer, Gamora is not.
Drax: You just need to find a woman who is pathetic, like you.

Peter Quill: This is weird, we’ve got a Sovereign Fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: Right. He didn’t steal some of those, I don’t know why they’re after us. What a mystery this is.
[they ship starts getting shot at by the Sovereign Fleet]
Peter Quill: What were you thinking?!
Rocket: Dude, they were really easy to steal.
Gamora: That’s your defense?
Rocket: Come on. You saw how that High Priestess talked down to us. Now I’m teaching her a lesson!
Peter Quill: Oh, I didn’t realize your motivation was altruism. It’s really a shame the Sovereign’s mistaking your intentions and they’re trying to kill us.
Rocket: Exactly.
Peter Quill: I was being sarcastic!
Rocket: Oh, no! You’re supposed to use a sarcastic voice! Now I look foolish!
Gamora: Can we put the bickering on a hold until after we survive this massive space battle?
Peter Quill: More incoming!
Rocket: Good, I want to kill some guys!

Gamora: Can we put the bickering on hold until after we survive this massive space battle?

Rocket: Quill, later on tonight, you’re going to be laying down in your bed and there’s going to be something squishy in your pillow case. And you’re going to be like, “What’s this?” And it’s going to be because I put a turd in there!
Peter Quill: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket: Oh, it won’t be my turd. It will be Drax’s.
Drax: I have famously huge turds.
Peter Quill: We’re about to die, and this is what we’re discussing?

Drax: Die, spaceship!

Peter Quill: Groot, put your seatbelt on!

Ego: After all these years, I’ve found you.
Peter Quill: And who the hell are you?
Ego: I figured my rugged good looks would make that obvious. My name is Ego, and I’m your dad, Peter.

Stakar Ogord: [to Yondu] If you think I take pleasure in exiling you, you’re wrong. You broke all our hearts.

Ego: I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Peter Quill: Well, I’ll tell you why. Because I was a skinny little kid who could squeeze into places adults couldn’t. It made it easier for thieving.
Ego: Well, I’ve been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax: I thought Yondu was your father.
Peter Quill: What? We’ve been together this whole time and you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax: You look exactly alike.
Rocket: One’s blue!
Peter Quill: No, he’s not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight, and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego: Eat you?
Peter Quill: Yeah.
Ego: Oh, that son of a bitch.

Ego: [to Peter] I promise you, it’s unlike any other place you’ve ever seen. And there I can explain your very special heritage. Finally get to be the father I’ve always wanted to be. Excuse me. I’ve gotta take a whiz.

Gamora: What was that story you told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?
Peter Quill: Who?
Gamora: He owned a magic boat?
Peter Quill: David Hasselhoff?
Gamora: Right.
Peter Quill: Not a magic boat. A talking car.
Gamora: Why did he talk again?
Peter Quill: To help him fight crime, and to be supportive.
Gamora: As a child, you would carry his picture in your pocket and you would tell all the other children that he was your father, but that he was out of town shooting Knight Rider or touring with his band in Germany.
Peter Quill: I told you that when I was drunk. Why are you bringing that up now?
Gamora: I love that story.
Peter Quill: I hate that story.
Gamora: It’s so sad!
Peter Quill: As a kid, I used to see all the other kids off playing catch with their dad. And I wanted that, more than anything in the world!
[referring to Ego]
Gamora: That’s my point, Peter. What if this man is your Hasselhoff?

Rocket: I hope Daddy isn’t as big of a dick as you, orphan boy.
Peter Quill: What is your goal here? To get everybody to hate you? Because it’s working.

Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Peter Quill: You read minds?
Mantis: No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.
[to Peter]
Mantis: May I?
Peter Quill: Alright.
[she touches Peter’s hand]
Mantis: You feel love.
Peter Quill: Yeah, I guess, yeah, I feel a general unselfish love for just about everybo…
Mantis: No. Romantic, sexual love.
Peter Quill: No. No, I don’t.
Mantis: For her!
[she points to Gamora]
Peter Quill: No! That is not…
[Drax bursts out laughing]
Peter Quill: Okay… That’s…
Drax: She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Peter Quill: Dude, come on! I think you’re overreacting a little bit.
Drax: You must be so embarrassed!
[he continues to laugh; to Mantis]
Drax: Do me! Do me! Do me!

[Mantis touches Drax and she starts laughing hysterically]
Mantis: I’ve never felt such humor!
Peter Quill: So unbelievably uncool.
Drax: Oh, Quill…
[Mantis goes over to Gamora to touch her]
Gamora: Touch me, and the only thing you’re going to feel is a broken jaw.

Rocket: Woh! Woh! There must be some kind of peaceful resolution to this, fellas.
[all the groups point their weapons at each other]
Rocket: Or even a violent one, where I’m standing over there.

Gamora: You own a planet and can destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit. What are you exactly?
Ego: I’m what’s called a Celestial, sweetheart.
Peter Quill: A Celestial, like a god?
Ego: Mm, small G, son.

Ego: I created what I imagined biological life to be like down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Peter Quill: Dude!
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he is a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Peter Quill: I don’t need to hear how my parents…
Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Peter Quill: That’s disgusting.
Drax: It was beautiful. You Earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you!
Ego: It’s not half bad.

Rocket: I’m sorry. I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself, “You know what would be a really kick-ass name? Taserface! That’s how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? Scrotum Hat?

Drax: How did you get to this weird dumb planet?
Mantis: Ego found me in my larva state. Orphaned on my home world. He raised me by hand, and kept me as his own.
Drax: So you’re a pet?
Mantis: I suppose.
Drax: People usually want cute pets. Why would Ego want such a hideous one?
Mantis: I am hideous?
Drax: You are horrifying to look at. Yes. But that’s a good thing.
Mantis: Oh?
Drax: When you’re ugly, and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust.
Mantis: Well, then I’m certainly grateful to be ugly.

Drax: Those pools, they remind me of a time when I took my daughter to the forgotten lakes of my home world. She was like you.
Mantis: Disgusting?
Drax: Innocent.
[Mantis touches Drax, she senses his sadness and begins to cry]

Yondu: You like a professional asshole or what?
Rocket: Pretty much a pro.

[referring to Baby Groot]
Mantis: He is so cute.

Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He hates hats.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: On anyone, not just himself.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: [to Yondu] One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head, the next minute it’s just because you realize part of that head is the hat.
Rocket: [to Groot] That’s why you don’t like hats?

Nebula: I win. I win. I bested you in combat.
Gamora: No. I saved your life.
Nebula: Well, you were stupid enough to let me live.
Gamora: You let me live!
Nebula: I don’t need you always trying to beat me!
Gamora: I’m not the one that just flew across the universe just because I wanted to win.
Nebula: Do not tell me what I want.
Gamora: I don’t need to tell you what you want! It’s obvious!
Nebula: You were the one who wanted to win. And I just wanted a sister! You were all I had. But you were the one who needed to win. Thanos pulled my eye from my head and my brain from my skull and my arm from my body because of you.

Ego: And sometimes we are deprived the pleasures of mortals.
Peter Quill: Well, you may not be mortal, but me…
Ego: No, Peter, death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
Peter Quill: I’m immortal?
Ego: Mm-hmm.
Peter Quill: Really?
Ego: Yes! As long as the light exists.
Peter Quill: And I can use the light to build cool things, like how you made this whole planet?
Ego: It might take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But, yes!
Peter Quill: What! Get ready for an eight hundred foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear.
Ego: You can do anything you want.
Peter Quill: I’m going to make some weird shit.

Mantis: Drax! We need to talk.
Drax: I’m sorry. But I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Mantis: What?
Drax: I tried to let you down easily by telling you I found you disgusting.
Mantis: No, that’s not what I… What are you doing?
[Drax starts gagging]
Drax: I’m imagining being with you physically.
Mantis: Drax… I don’t like you like that. I don’t even like the type of thing you are.
Drax: Hey! There’s no need to get personal.
Mantis: Listen! Ego’s gotten exactly what he wanted. I should have told you earlier. I’m stupid. You are in danger.

Peter Quill: Doesn’t eternity get boring?
Ego: Not if you have a purpose, Peter, which is why you’re here.

Rocket: What are you laughing at me for?
Yondu: You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can’t fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket: You don’t know anything about me, loser.
Yondu: I know everything about you. I know you play like you’re the meanest and the hardest, but, actually, you’re the most scared of all.
Rocket: Shut up!
Yondu: I know you steal batteries you don’t need and you push away anyone who’s willing to put up with you because just a little bit of love reminds you how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
Rocket: I said shut up!
Yondu: I know them scientists what made you, never gave a rat’s ass about you.
Rocket: I’m serious, dude!
Yondu: Just like my own damn parents who sold me, their own little baby, into slavery. I know who you are, boy. Because you’re me.
Rocket: What kind of a pair are we?
Yondu: The kind that’s about to go fight a planet, I reckon.
Rocket: Alright, okay! Good. Wait. Fight a what?

Ego: I call it the Expansion. It is my purpose, and now it is yours as well.
Peter Quill: It’s beautiful.
Ego: Over thousands of years I implanted thousands of extensions of myself on thousands of worlds. I need to fulfill life’s one true purpose. To grow and spread, covering all that exists until everything is me!

Nebula: All any of you do is yell at each other. You’re not friends.
Drax: You’re right. No, we’re family. We leave no one behind. Except maybe you.

Peter Quill: But my mother. You said you loved my mother.
Ego: And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth, well, I’d never leave. The Expansion, the reason for my very existence would be over. So, I did what I had to do. But it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
Peter Quill: What?
Ego: Now, alright, I know that sounds bad.
[Peter shoots Ego with his Quad Blasters]
Ego: Who in the hell do you think you are?
Peter Quill: You killed my mother!
Ego: I tried so hard to find the form…
[changes form to David Hasselhoff]
Ego: … that best suited you, and this is the thanks I get?
[Ego changes back]
Ego: You really need to grow up.
[Ego pierces Quill with a beam of energy]
Ego: I wanted to do this together, but I suppose you’ll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a battery!

Drax: Out of the way, dumber, smaller Groot!

Rocket: You people have issues.
Peter Quill: Well, of course I have issues. That’s my freaking father!

Rocket: So, we’re saving the galaxy again?
Peter Quill: I guess.
Rocket: Awesome! We’re really going to be able to jack up our price if we’re two-time galaxy savers.

Drax: You don’t have to believe in yourself, because I believe in you.

Rocket: Alright, first you flick this switch then this switch, that activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get out of there. Now whatever you do, don’t push this button. Because that will set off the bomb immediately and we’ll all be dead! Now repeat back what I just said.
Baby Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Baby Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: That’s right.
Baby Groot: I am Groot.
[then he goes to push the button]
Rocket: No! No, that’s the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Baby Groot: Hm. I am Groot.
Rocket: Mm-hmm.
Baby Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Baby Groot: I am Groot.
[he goes to push the button again]
Rocket: Nooooo, that’s exactly what you just said! How’s that even possible?! Which button is the button you you’re supposed to push, point to it?
[Groot points to the activation button]
Rocket: No!
Peter Quill: Hey, you’re making him nervous!
Rocket: Shut up and give me some tape!

Rocket: Does anybody have any tape out there? I want to put some tape over the death button.
Peter Quill: I don’t have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu… Ow! Do you have any tape? Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work. Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don’t have any? Nobody has any tape!
Rocket: Not a single person has tape?!
Peter Quill: Nope!
Rocket: Did you ask Nebula?
Peter Quill: Yes!
Rocket: Are you sure?
Peter Quill: I asked Yondu and she was sitting next to him.
Rocket: I knew you were lying!
Peter Quill: You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody’s gonna have tape, it’s you!
Rocket: That’s exactly my point! I have to do everything!
Peter Quill: You are wasting a lot of time here!
[as Peter and Rocket are arguing we see Baby Groot take the atomic bomb and run off]
Baby Groot: Whee!
Rocket: We’re all going to die.

Ego: I don’t use my head to fly the arrow, boy! I use my heart…
Peter Quill: You shouldn’t have killed my mom, and squished my Walkman.

[Yondu is floating in the air, hanging on his arrow]
Yondu: What?
Peter Quill: You look like Mary Poppins.
Yondu: Is he cool?
Peter Quill: Hell, yeah, he’s cool.
Yondu: I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!

Baby Groot: I am Groot.
Yondu: What’s that?
Rocket: He says, “Welcome to the frickin’ Guardians of the Galaxy!” Only he didn’t use frickin’.

Ego: Stop. Listen to me! You are a God. If you kill me you’ll be just like everybody else.
Peter Quill: What’s so wrong with that?
Ego: No!

Yondu: [to Peter] He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy. I’m sorry I didn’t do none of it right. I’m damn lucky you’re my boy.

Peter Quill: I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He’s a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me Yondu didn’t have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn’t have the beautiful voice of an angel, but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women and fought robots. I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu. I had a pretty cool dad. What I’m trying to say here is, sometimes that thing you’re searching for your whole life it’s right there by your side all along. You don’t even know it.

Gamora: Nebula, I was a child like you. I was concerned with staying alive until the next day, every day. And I never considered what Thanos was doing to you. I’m trying to make it right. There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.
Nebula: I will help them by killing Thanos.
Gamora: I don’t know if that’s possible.
[hugging Nebula]
Gamora: You will always be my sister.

Peter Quill: What is it?
Kraglin: It’s called a Zune. It’s what everybody’s listening to on Earth nowadays. It’s got three hundred songs on it.
Peter Quill: Three hundred songs?

[the Ravagers give tribute to Yondu]
Martinex: He didn’t let us down after all, Captain?
Stakar Ogord: No, he did not, son. He did not.
Charlie-27: Fare thee well, old friend.
Aleta Ogord: Yondu Odonta, I will see you in the stars.

Mantis: It’s beautiful.
Drax: It is. And so are you. On the inside.

[post-credit scene]
The Form of David Hasselhoff: In times of hardship, just remember we are Groot.

Total Quotes: 53

Trailers: