Starring: Kristen Stewart, Mackenzie Davis, Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, Mary Holland, Victor Garber, Mary Steenburgen
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Romantic comedy directed and co-written by Clea DuVall. The story follows Abby (Kristen Stewart), who is planning to propose marriage to her girlfriend, Harper (Mackenzie Davis), at Harper’s family annual Christmas dinner. But then she realizes that they don’t even know Harper is gay as she kept their relationship a secret from her family, making Abby question the girlfriend she thought she knew.
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Our Favorite Quote:'Everybody's story is different. There's your version, and my version, and everything in between.' - John (Happiest Season) Click To Tweet
Harper: [after she’s invited Abby to her parents for Christmas] I want to wake up with you on Christmas morning. And if that doesn’t convince you to love Christmas, I’ll never bring it up again.
Abby: [to Harper] I just woke up thinking about going home with you, and got very excited about Christmas.
Harper: I feel like I really put you on the spot last night. And I understand how you feel about Christmas, because you lost your parents, and you just don’t have…
Abby: No, no, no. I genuinely want to go. I get to go meet the people that made my favorite person.
Abby: What are you doing on your phone?
John: I’m sorry, I left a gentleman alone in my apartment, so I’m tracking him to make sure he leaves.
Abby: You’re tracking him?
John: Yeah. I track everybody. If the NSA can do it, so can I.
John: Abigail, don’t worry. I’m responsible for the careers of dozens of authors. I am more than capable of taking care of a few pets for two days.
Abby: It’ five days.
John: Five days. That’s what I said.
John: Abby, you and Harper have a perfect relationship. Why do you want to ruin that by engaging in one of the most archaic institutions in the history of the human race?
Abby: Because I want to marry her.
John: Okay. You say that, but what you’re actually doing is tricking the woman you claim to love by trapping her in a box of heteronormativity, and trying to make her your property. She is not a rice cooker, or a cake plate. She’s a human being.
Abby: No, it’s not about owning her. It’s about building a life with her. She is my person, and I really want everyone to know that.
John: I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.
John: So when are you going to ask her?
Abby: I was thinking of doing it on New Year’s. But now that I’m going home with her, I understand this is very old‐fashioned, but I’m probably going to ask her dad for his blessing, and propose on Christmas morning.
John: I’m sorry, ask her dad for his blessing? Way to stick it to the patriarchy. Really well done.
Abby: God, I’m so excited. I can’t believe I’m finally going to meet everyone. I mean, I haven’t had a family Christmas in ten years. Also, a fact you don’t know about me. I am actually very good with parents.
Harper: Okay, there’s something that we should talk about before we get to my parents house.
Abby: [after Harper admits she hasn’t told her parents she’s gay] Then why did you invite me?
Harper: Because we were just having such a special night. And, fine, I got carried away. But it’s because I love you, and I want to give you such a great Christmas.
Abby: You’re off to a really great start.
Abby: So who do they think I am?
Harper: My roommate.
Abby: They don’t think it’s weird that you’re bringing your roommate home for Christmas?
Harper: No, because I told them that you had nowhere else to go, because your parents are no longer with us.
Harper: Look, I get it, okay? I am asking a lot of you. But I promise I will tell them everything after the holidays.
Abby: Okay, we can do this. It’s five days. How bad can it be?
Harper: You know, maybe don’t mention that you’re…
Harper: Yeah. Yeah, I think, actually, it might be better just to avoid it. But don’t lie. You’re a very bad liar.
Abby: No, I’m not.
Harper: [as Tipper takes a photo of them] Mom, what are you doing?
Tipper: I started an Instagram feed for your father to give voters a peek behind the curtain. Your mother’s going viral!
Jane: [as she meets Abby] You’re so brave. And you don’t need to be.
Tipper: Oh, and this is Harper’s orphan friend. This is Abby.
Ted: Yes, of course.
Abby: Hey, sir.
[pats Abby on the shoulder]
Ted: Terrible. There, there.
Tipper: Do you have a boyfriend, Abby?
Abby: No. But I have. Because I have had many. But not too many. An appropriate amount. I actually just went through a breakup.
Jane: Oh, no.
Abby: Yeah. With, he was a milk man.
Tipper: Okay. Well, we’ll just show Abby to her room.
Harper: What, is she not going to stay up here with me?
Tipper: Harper, I would never ask two grown women to share the same bed.
Abby: Your room’s in the basement.
Jane: Oh, yeah. I had night terrors. They put me down here so I wouldn’t wake everyone up.
Abby: This is so nice.
Tipper: Better than your room at the orphanage?
Abby: Oh, I wasn’t in an orphanage. Because I was nineteen when my parents died.
Tipper: Oh. One of the lucky ones.
Tipper: Connor! How funny to see you here.
Connor: You told me to be here at seven, right?
Harper: Jane, I just can’t believe you’re still working on that book. It’s been like ten years.
Jane: Takes a long time to build a world.
Harper: Riley, this is Abby. Abby is my…
Abby: Orphan roommate. We, I am an orphan. But we live together. As friends. Like acquaintances.
Harper: Oh, please stop.
Abby: Was that the Riley?
Harper: Okay, that one really wasn’t my fault.
Abby: Well, who knows, maybe another one of your exes will bring out dessert.
Harper: You know, you’re right. You are really good with parents.
Abby: You think they like me?
Abby: You think they like me as much as they love Connor?
Harper: Oh, no. No, no. But they don’t even really like me that much, so.
John: Have you managed to get a man’s permission to take ownership of an adult human woman yet?
Abby: Not exactly.
John: What’s going on? You sound tense.
Abby: No, I’m not tense. I’m great. There’s just one tiny thing. Harper isn’t out, and her parents don’t know we’re together.
John: So, what, her parents are believing that their straight daughter brought home her lesbian friend for Christmas?
Abby: No. No. They also think that I’m straight.
John: Have they ever met a lesbian?
Abby: It’s not so bad. It’s kind of fun having a secret.
John: Yeah. I mean, there’s nothing more erotic than concealing your authentic selves.
Harper: Snowman pancakes. God, that’s a lot of work for something that’s just going to turn to s**t. Oh, but that’s kind of like your law degree.
Sloane: It must be freeing to be so self‐involved you don’t realize that’s actually not appropriate language to use in front of children.
Ted: I cannot believe I’ve got all my daughters under one roof.
Tipper: This is great content.
Jane: [to Abby as they watch Harper and Sloane skating] I love it when they do this.
Eric: What are they doing?
Jane: They’re racing.
Abby: [as they watch Harper and Sloane] Should we stop them?
Eric: No, they’ll tire themselves out eventually.
Tipper: Ted, the family holiday photo is an essential element of every candidate’s feed, and if we cannot manage to post one, we do not deserve to have that account at all.
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