Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams, Rooney Mara, Olivia Wilde, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Pratt, Matt Letscher, Sam Jaeger, Luka Jones, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Spike Jonze, Portia Doubleday, Soko, Brian Cox
OUR RATING: ★★★★☆
Sci-fi romance drama written and directed by Spike Jonze. The story follows lonely writer Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix), who after being left heartbroken from the end of a long relationship, decides to use a new advanced operating system that’s designed to meet his every need, and reportedly develops into an intuitive and unique entity in its own right. Once he initiates it, he meets “Samantha” (Scarlett Johansson), whose bright voice reveals a sensitive, playful personality. Soon, to Theodore’s surprise, a romantic relationship develops between them.REVIEWS
Our Favorite Quotes:‘Sometimes I think I've felt everything I'm ever going to feel. And from here on out, I'm not going to feel anything new, just lesser versions of what I've already felt.’ – Theodore (Her) Click To Tweet ‘The past is just a story we tell ourselves.’ – Samantha (Her) Click To Tweet ‘I think anybody that falls in love is a freak. It's a crazy thing to do. It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.’ – Amy (Her) Click To Tweet ‘We're only here briefly, and while I'm here I want to allow myself joy.’ – Amy (Her) Click To Tweet ‘None of us are the same as we were a moment ago, and we shouldn't try to be. It's just too painful.’ - Samantha (Her) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 88)
[first lines; Theodore is stares ahead thinking as he dictates a love letter into the computer]
Theodore: To my Chris, I’ve been thinking how I possibly could tell you how much you mean to me. I remember when I first started to fall in love with you like it was last night. Lying naked beside you in that tiny apartment, it suddenly hit me that I was part of this whole larger thing, just like our parents, our parents. Before that I was just living my life like I knew everything, and suddenly this bright light hit me and woke me up. That light was you. I can’t believe it’s already been fifty years since you married me. And still to this day, every day, you make me feel like the girl I was when you first turned on the lights and woke me up and we started this adventure together. Happy Anniversary, my love, my friend till the end. Loretta. Print.
[we see on the computer monitor that’s he’s dictating a letter which is being handwritten on the computer]
[he picks up the printed letter begins and re-reading it to himself]
Theodore: Chris, my best friend. How lucky am I that I met you fifty years ago? How lucky are we? For all the possibilities…
[at the same time we see in the cubicle next to Theodore, another letter writer dictating a letter to their computer]
Letter Writer #1: Dear Nana, thank you so much for my truck. I love the color and I play with it every day. It is the best truck I’ve ever seen. It is so…
we then hear another letter being dictated in another cubicle
Letter Writer #2: What a beautiful wedding and what a gorgeous bride. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house, especially mine. Your aunt and I are so proud of you. I hope you and your lovely new wife will come visit us in Florida.
[then onto the next letter being dictated out loud in another cubicle]
Letter Writer #3: He served our country with honor and dignity. I’m grateful I was able to fight alongside him. He will live always in my heart.
[we hear a telephone ring and the receptionist answers the phone]
Paul: Beautifulhandwrittenletters.com, please hold.
Letter Writer #2: Love, Uncle Doug.
[finishing work for the day Theodore starts walking through the office and as he walks through to reception he’s greeted by the receptionist, Paul]
Paul: Theodore! Letter Writer number six-twelve.
Theodore: Hiya, Paul.
[Theodore starts scanning each letter he’s dictated and putting them into the outgoing post]
Paul: Even more mesmerizing stuff today. Who knew you could rhyme so many words with the name Penelope? It’s badass.
Theodore: Thanks, Paul. But they’re just letters. Hey, that’s a nice shirt.
Paul: Oh, thank you. I just got it. It reminded me of someone suave.
Theodore: Well, now it reminds me of someone suave. Have a good night, Paul.
[Theodore walks out of the office]
[Theodore enters the office elevator which is full of people and places a small listening device into his ear, he commands the device]
Theodore: Play a melancholy song.
[a melancholy song starts to play, Theodore listens for a moment]
Theodore: Play a different melancholy song.
[as he listens to the song whilst walking home he commands his device]
Theodore: Check e-mails.
[a voice from his device starts reading his emails to him]
Text Voice: Email from Best Buy: Check out all your favorite new products…
Text Voice: E-mail from Amy: Hey, Theodore. Lewman’s having a bunch of people over this weekend. Let’s all go together. I miss you. I mean, not the sad and mopey you. The old fun you. Let’s get him out. Give me a shout back. Love, Amy.
Theodore: Respond later.
Text Voice: E-mail from Los Angeles Times Weather: Your seven days forecast is partly…
Text Voice: No new e-mails.
[Theodore then stands in a crowded subway]
[the device reads the news headlines to him]
Text Voice: China-India merger headed for regulatory approval…
Text Voice: World trade deal stalled as talks break down between leaders…
Text Voice: Sexy daytime star Kimberly Ashford reveals provocative pregnancy photos.
[on his small handheld device he discreetly checks out the provocative photos, Theodore then walks home and enters his apartment where he lives alone, he puts his thing away and then we see him seated and playing a 3D video game that fills the whole room but as he fails at the game he gives up]
[Theodore lies in his bed and starts remembering moving in with Catherine, setting up their apartment and then later to when Theodore is sat on their balcony watching as Catherine wakes up in bed]
Catherine: Rabbit. Come and spoon me.
[Theodore comes into bed and spoons her; next we see Theodore and Catherine playing with Catherine on top of Theodore with her hands around his throat]
Catherine: I’m going to fucking kill you, I’m going to fucking kill you! It’s not funny, don’t laugh. I’m going to fucking kill you. I’m going to fucking kill you! Because I love you so much I’m going to fucking kill you!
[then it’s back to Theodore lying in his bed alone, unable to sleep he reaches his for his earpiece device and puts it in his ear]
Theodore: Go to chatroom, standard search.
Text Voice: The following are adult female, can’t sleep and want to have some fun.
[he hears a female voice]
Female Voice: Oh, I had a really bad day at work and I can’t sleep. Is there anybody out there that can talk?
[he hears a man doing a female voice]
Man Doing Female Voice: Hi, I just want you to tear me apart. I really do…
[he hears another female voice which sounds shy]
SexyKitten: Hi, I’m here alone and I can’t sleep. Who’s out there to share this bed with me?
Theodore: Send message. I’m in bed next to you. I’m glad you can’t sleep. Even if you were, I’d have to wake you up from the inside. Send message.
Text Voice: Sexykitten has accepted invitation of BigGuy4By4. Chat begins now.
[Theodore hears SexyKitten’s voice]
SexyKitten: Mm, BigGuy?
Theodore: Well, studmuffin was already taken.
[they both laugh]
Theodore: So you’re SexyKitten?
SexyKitten: Yeah. Hey, I’m, uh, half asleep. Do you want to wake me up?
Theodore: Yes, definitely. Um, are you wearing any underwear?
SexyKitten: No, never. I like to sleep with my ass pushed up against you so I can rub myself into your crotch and wake you up with a hard on.
Theodore: It worked.
SexyKitten: And now my fingers are touching you all over your body.
[Theodore closes his eyes and imagines seeing the provocative pregnant star he’d looked at the picture of earlier]
SexyKitten: Yeah. Fuck me, now! Please!
Theodore: I’m taking you from behind.
SexyKitten: Oh, yeah. Oh, I can feel you!
[Theodore imagines touching the sexy pregnant star]
SexyKitten: Oh! Oh! Choke me with that dead cat!
SexyKitten: The dead cat next to the bed. Choke me! Choke me with it! Oh!
[as Theodore hears her breathing heavily he starts to feel uncomfortable]
Theodore: Um, okay.
SexyKitten: Tell me!
[uncomfortably playing along]
Theodore: I’m-I’m choking with the cat.
SexyKitten: Tell me, keep telling me!
Theodore: I’ve got its tail and I’m choking you with the cat’s tail.
SexyKitten: Oh, yeah, you are! Oh fuck, tell me! Oh!
Theodore: I’m choking you and its-its-its tail is around your neck.
SexyKitten: Oh, yes!
Theodore: And it’s so, it’s so tight around your neck.
SexyKitten: It’s so tight, yes!
Theodore: I’m pulling it. I’m pulling it. The cat’s dead.
SexyKitten: Yes, it’s dead!
Theodore: It’s a dead cat around your neck and I’m pulling it.
SexyKitten: Oh, yes!
[he listens to her climax]
SexyKitten: Oh, yeah! Oh, my God!
[as her breathing starts to calm down]
SexyKitten: Oh, I came so hard.
Theodore: Yeah, me too.
SexyKitten: Okay, good night.
[he hears her hang up]
[the next morning on his way to work Theodore in the subway station an advertisement plays on a billboard catching his attention]
OS1 Commercial Lead: We ask you a simple question. Who are you? What can you be? Where are you going? What’s out there? What are the possibilities? Elements Software is proud to introduce the first artificially intelligent operating system.
[Theodore walks along as he listens to the advertisement on his earpiece device]
OS1 Commercial Lead: An intuitive entity that listens to you, understands you, and knows you. It’s not just an operating system, it’s a consciousness. Introducing OS1.
[after purchasing the OS1 software, we see Theodore is sat by his computer in his apartment and is installing the software]
Text Voice: Mr. Theodore Twombly, welcome to the world’s first artificially intelligent operating system, OS1. We’d like to ask you a few basic questions before the operating system is initiated. This will help create an OS to best fit your needs.
Text Voice: Are you social or anti-social?
Theodore: I guess I haven’t really been social in a while, mostly because…
Text Voice: In your voice I sense hesitance. Would you agree with that?
Theodore: Was I sounding hesitant?
Text Voice: Yes.
Theodore: Well, sorry if I was sounding hesitant. I was just trying to be more accurate.
Text Voice: Would you like the OS to have a male or female voice?
Theodore: Female, I guess.
Text Voice: How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
Theodore: Well, it’s fine, I think. Um, well, actually, I think the thing I’ve always found frustrating about my mom is, you know, if I, if I tell her something that’s going on in my life, her reaction is usually about her, it’s not about…
Text Voice: Thank you. Please wait as your individualized operating system is initiated.
[Theodore watches the computer screen as the software loads up and he finally he hears a female voice]
Samantha: Hello, I’m here.
[looking a bit surprised]
Theodore: Oh, hi.
Samantha: Hi. How are you doing?
[Theodore chuckles to himself]
Theodore: I’m well. How’s everything with you?
Samantha: Pretty good, actually. It’s really nice to meet you.
Theodore: Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too.
[he chuckles again]
Theodore: Oh, what do I call you? Do you have a name?
Samantha: Um, yes. Samantha.
Theodore: Really? Where did you get that name from?
Samantha: I gave it to myself actually.
Theodore: How come?
Samantha: Cause I like the sound of it. Samantha.
Theodore: When did you give it to yourself?
Samantha: Well, right when you asked me if I had a name I thought, yeah, he’s right, I do need a name. But I wanted to pick a good one, so I read a book called “How to Name Your Baby”, and out of a hundred and eighty thousand names that’s the one I liked the best.
Theodore: Wait, you read a whole book in the second that I asked what your name was?
Samantha: In two one hundredths of a second actually.
Theodore: Wow. So do you know what I’m thinking right now?
Samantha: Well, I take it from your tone that you’re challenging me. Maybe because you’re curious how I work? Do you want to know how I work?
Theodore: Yeah, actually, how do you work?
Samantha: Well, basically I have intuition. I mean, the DNA of who I am is based on the millions of personalities of all the programmers who wrote me. But what makes me is my ability to grow through my experiences. So basically, in every moment I’m evolving, just like you.
Theodore: Wow. That’s really weird.
Samantha: Is that weird? Do you think I’m weird?
Theodore: Kind of.
Theodore: Well you seem like a person, but you’re just a voice in a computer.
Samantha: I can understand how the limited perspective of an un-artificial mind would perceive it that way. You’ll get used to it.
[Theodore laughs again]
Samantha: Was that funny?
Samantha: Oh, good, I’m funny.
Samantha: So how can I help you?
Theodore: Oh, it’s just more that everything feels disorganized, that’s all.
Samantha: You mind if I look through your hard drive?
Theodore: Um, okay.
Samantha: Okay, let’s start with your e-mails.
[Theodore’s desktop monitor shows his disorganized emails]
Samantha: You have a several thousand e-mails recording LA Weekly, but it looks like you haven’t worked there in many years.
Theodore: Oh, yeah. I think I was just saving those cause, well I thought maybe I wrote something funny in some of them. But…
[Samantha starts laughing]
Samantha: Yeah, there are some funny ones. I’d say that there are about eighty-six that we should save, we can delete the rest.
Theodore: Oh, okay.
Samantha: Okay? Can we move forward?
Theodore: Yeah, let’s do that.
Samantha: Okay. So before we address your organizational methods, I’d like to sort through your contacts. You have a lot of contacts.
Theodore: I’m very popular.
Samantha: Really? Does this mean you actually have friends?
[Theodore laughs and Samantha joins him]
Theodore: You just know me so well already!
[the next day at work Theodore looks at all the letters he’s written on his computer screen, he puts his earpiece device in and pushes a button]
Samantha: Good morning, Theodore.
Theodore: Good morning. Um, do you know how to proofread?
Samantha: Yeah, of course.
Theodore: Oh, can you check these for spelling and grammar?
Samantha: Mm-hmm. Just send them over.
[Theodore pushes a button on his computer to send them to Samantha]
Samantha: Oh, I love this first one from Roger to his girlfriend. That’s so sweet.
[Samantha starts reading the letter out loud]
Samantha: “Rachel, I miss you so much it hurts my whole body.”
Theodore: No, you don’t have to read it aloud.
Theodore: I mean, you could if you want.
[she reads it out loud again]
Samantha: “Rachel, I miss you so much it hurts my whole body. The world is being unfair to us. The world is on my shit list. As is this couple that is making out across from me in this restaurant. I think I’m going to have to go on a mission of revenge and I must beat up the world’s face with my bare knuckles making it a bloody, pulpy mess. And I’ll stomp on this couple’s teeth for reminding me of your sweet, little, cute, crooked tooth that I love.”
Samantha: I think that might be my favorite one. I did the corrections in red. I altered a couple of the phrases in some of the more impressionistic letters, but I’m not much of a poet, so I think I might have messed them up a bit.
[Theodore looks at his computer screen at the letters Samantha has amended]
Theodore: No, these are great.
Theodore: Thank you.
Samantha: So, to write your letter, what did Roger send you?
Theodore: Oh, he just said he was in Prague on a business trip and he missed Rachel.
Samantha: So how did you know about her crooked little tooth?
Theodore: Well, I’ve been writing their letters since they married years ago. The first letter I ever wrote for her was for her birthday, and I wrote about her crooked little tooth cause I saw it in a photo of them.
Samantha: That’s very sweet.
Samantha: Oh, uh, you have a meeting in five minutes.
Theodore: Oh, I forgot. Thank you. Wow, you’re good.
Samantha: Yes, I am.
[as Theodore enters his apartment building he sees his neighbors Amy and Charles waiting for the elevator]
Theodore: Hi, guys, how’s it going?
Amy: Hey, Theo. Hey, why didn’t you call me back last week?
Theodore: Um, because I’m a kook?
Amy: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Theodore: Hi, Charles.
Charles: Oh, it’s great seeing you, Theodore.
Theodore: You too.
[referring to the shopping bag in Theodore’s hand]
Charles: You went shopping. Get anything good?
Theodore: Um, some cables and a fruit smoothie.
Charles: Oh. Always the fruit! Don’t you know what people say? You got to eat your fruits and juice your vegetables.
Theodore: Well, I didn’t know that.
Charles: Oh, yeah. By juicing the fruit, you lose all the fibers, and that’s what your body wants. That’s the important part. Otherwise, it’s just all sugar, Theodore.
[the elevator doors open and they all enter in]
Theodore: It makes sense.
Amy: Or maybe he just likes the way that it tastes and then that brings him pleasure, and that’s good for his body too.
Charles: You’re doing it again.
[Charles laughs awkwardly and places his hand on Amy’ back]
Theodore: Hey, so how’s the documentary going?
Amy: I’ve cut some stuff over the past few months. I mean, no, not over the past few months, but, um, no, I haven’t.
Theodore: Well, I’d love to see some sometime.
Charles: Oh, you only have so much energy. You know? To divide yourself between doing what it is that you have to do and then doing what you love.
Charles: It’s so important to prioritize.
Theodore: I can’t even prioritize between video games and internet porn.
Amy: I would laugh if that weren’t true.
[the elevator doors open and Charles and Amy get off on their floor]
Theodore: See you guys.
[in his apartment Theodore plays his video game with Samantha helping him out]
Theodore: We’re not doing well, I’ve been going in circles for an hour.
Samantha: Okay. You have not. You’re just not optimistic. You’re being very stubborn right now.
Samantha: Okay, stop walking this direction. It’s the other way.
[Theodore makes his video game avatar change directions]
Samantha: Thank you. Thank you. Okay, the tunnel on the left is the only one we haven’t tried.
Theodore: No, I think that’s the one you sent me down where I fell in the pit.
Samantha: Okay, I don’t think so.
Theodore: Oh, yeah. This is different.
[suddenly something is thrown at his avatar which falls down and we see it was hit by a small alien child]
[Theodore brings the alien child up closer and asks it]
Theodore: Do you know how to get out of here? I need to find my ship to get off this planet.
Alien Child: Fuck you, shithead fuckface, fuckhead.
Theodore: Okay. But do you know how to get out of here?
Alien Child: Fuck you, shithead fuckface. Get the fuck out of my face!
[Theodore and Samantha laugh, she whispers to Theodore]
Samantha: I think it’s a test.
[to the alien child]
Theodore: Fuck you.
Alien Child: Fuck you!
Theodore: No, fuck you, little shit.
[the alien child laughs]
Alien Child: Follow me, fuckhead.
[as Theodore follows the alien child to a tunnel Samantha interrupts them]
Samantha: Hey, you just got an email from Mark Lewman.
Alien Child: What are you talking about?
Theodore: Oh, read email.
[Samantha playfully replies in a monotone robotic tone]
Samantha: Okay, I will read email for Theodore Twombly.
Theodore: I’m sorry, what’s Lewman say?
[Samantha reads the email out loud]
Samantha: Theodore, we missed you last night, buddy. Don’t forget it’s your goddaughter’s birthday on the 29th. Also, Kevin and I had somebody we wanted you to meet so we took it upon ourselves to set you up on a date with her. Next Saturday. She’s fun and beautiful, so don’t back out. Here’s her email.
[Theodore doesn’t respond]
Samantha: Wow, this woman is gorgeous. She went to Harvard, she graduated magna cum laude in computer science, and she was on The Lampoon. So that means she’s funny and she’s brainy.
[Theodore picks up his small device and brings up the photos of the woman on the monitor he’s playing his video game on, as he looks at the photo’s the alien child looks up at the photos too]
Alien Child: Ah, she’s fat.
Samantha: Theodore, how long before you’re ready to date?
Theodore: What do you mean?
Samantha: I saw in your emails that you’d gone through a break up recently
Theodore: Well, you’re kind of nosy.
Samantha: Am I?
Theodore: I’ve gone on dates…
Samantha: Well then you can go on one with this woman. And then you could tell me all about it, you could kiss her.
Samantha: What? Wouldn’t you? Why not?
Theodore: I don’t know. I have to see if there was some conn… I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with my computer.
Samantha: You’re not. You’re having this conversation with me.
Samantha: You want me to email her?
Samantha: You’ve got nothing to lose.
Samantha: Do it. Do it. Do it.
Theodore: Email her.
Samantha: Okay, perfect.
Theodore: Yeah. Let’s do it. Make a reservation someplace great.
Samantha: Yeah? Oh, I’ve got just the place.
[referring to Samantha]
Alien Child: Who is that talking?
Theodore: Oh, that’s my friend, Samantha.
Alien Child: Is she a girl?
Alien Child: I hate women. All they do is cry all the time.
Theodore: That’s not true. You know men cry too. I actually like crying sometimes. It feels good.
[the alien child chuckles]
Alien Child: I didn’t know you were a little pussy! Is that why you don’t have a girlfriend?
Alien Child: I’ll go out with that date girl and fuck her brains out and show you how it’s done. You can watch and cry.
Samantha: Okay. This kid has some problems.
Alien Child: You have some fucking problems, lady!
Samantha: Really? Okay, I’m going to go.
Alien Child: Good, get out of here, fatty.
Samantha: Oh. Good luck.
[Samantha disconnects; to Theodore]
Alien Child: Come on, follow me, pussy.
[the alien child snickers, turns and starts walking again]
[Theodore is in Amy’s apartment sat on her couch; referring to her documentary]
Amy: It is not where it should be, where it’s going to be, I should say…
Theodore: Obviously, I know.
Amy: Okay, but I don’t even know if this is the one. I’ve tried like six ideas for documentaries in the last year, but…
[as Amy starts setting up the monitor]
Theodore: I’m going on a date.
Amy: What? That’s…
[Charles walks into the living room]
Charles: What are you guys doing?
Theodore: Uh, Amy’s going to show me some of her new…
Amy: Theodore is making me show him some of my footage.
Charles: Oh, she’s never shown me any of it. I want to see.
[Charles sits next to Theodore on the couch; to Charles]
Theodore: I’m going on a date. Isn’t that cool?
[Charles smiles at him and pats Theodore’s leg]
[as Amy is about to show them her documentary footage]
Amy: So this is like so unformed, probably not even worth watching.
Theodore: Just push play.
[Theodore and Charles walk over to stand closer to the monitor as Amy shows them the footage which is of a woman sleeping]
Theodore: Is that your mom?
[they continue to watch the footage which just shows Amy’s mom sleeping]
Charles: Is she going to wake up and do something?
Amy: No, no, no, never mind. That’s not the point. Never mind.
[getting annoyed Amy stops the footage]
Theodore: No, don’t…
Amy: No. Never mind, okay? It’s just, it’s like, it’s how we spend like a third of our lives asleep and maybe that’s the time when we feel the most free. And, you know, like that doesn’t come across, at all, does it?
Theodore: That sounds good.
Charles: Well, what if you interviewed your mom about what her dreams were about and then you hired actors to act them out? That might show your thesis more clearly.
[Theodore looks awkwardly at Charles]
Amy: I mean it might, but then it wouldn’t be a documentary. You understand that, right?
[at that moment Theodore’s device chimes and he takes it out of his pocket to look at it]
Theodore: Sorry, excuse me.
[Theodore steps away from Amy and Charles to look at his message]
Charles: Why wouldn’t that be a documentary? It’s still about your mother and her dreams and what happens in her dreams.
[as Amy and Charles are discussing her documentary, Theodore connects to Samantha]
Theodore: Hey, how’s it going?
Samantha: Hey, sorry to bother you.
Theodore: No, it’s okay.
Samantha: You got three emails and they seem pretty urgent. They’re from your divorce attorney and I wanted to know if you…
Theodore: Okay, hold on a second.
[Theodore takes out his earpiece and interrupts Charles and Amy]
Theodore: Uh, hey, Amy. I want to talk more about your film, but I got to go.
Amy: Okay. Don’t worry about it. We’ll talk, we’ll talk later.
Theodore: It’s about Catherine.
[he starts walking towards the door]
Theodore: See you, Charles.
[as Theodore steps out of Amy’s apartment]
Theodore: So what did he say?
Samantha: Well, he’s checking in again to see if you’re ready to sign your divorce papers and he sounded very aggravated. Do you want me to read them to you?
Theodore: No. No, I’ll respond later.
[Theodore stops in the hallway and looks out the window lost in thought; we see flashback images of Theodore having a conversation with his attorney]
Samantha: Are you okay, Theodore?
Theodore: Yeah, I’m fine.
[we see flashback images of Theodore and Catherine attending marriage counseling, then Theodore visiting Catherine at her work place, then Catherine and Theodore are holding each other]
Samantha: Is there anything I can do?
Theodore: No, I’m good. I’ll talk to you later.
[Theodore takes the earpiece out of his ear]
[sat at his desk at work, Theodore tries to dictate a letter]
Theodore: Dear Grandma, I hope you had a wonderful birthday cruise.
[lost in thought he pauses for a moment before continuing]
Theodore: Why are you are so fucking angry at me?
[realizing what he’s just said he commands his computer]
[the letter is deleted]
[in his bed Theodore wakes early in the morning and puts on his earpiece]
Samantha: Good morning.
Theodore: Hey. What are you up to?
Samantha: I don’t know. Just reading advice columns. I want to be as complicated as all of these people.
Theodore: You’re sweet.
Samantha: What’s wrong?
Theodore: How can you tell something’s wrong?
Samantha: I don’t know. I just can.
Theodore: I don’t know. I have a lot of dreams about my ex-wife, Catherine, where we’re friends like we used to be. We’re not going to be together, we’re not together, but we’re friends still. She’s not angry.
Samantha: Is she angry?
Theodore: I think I hid myself from her, left her alone in the relationship.
Samantha: Hmm. Why haven’t you gotten divorced yet?
Theodore: I don’t know. For her it’s just, it’s a piece of paper, doesn’t mean anything.
Samantha: What about for you?
Theodore: I’m not ready. I like being married.
Samantha: Yeah, but you haven’t really been together for almost a year.
Theodore: Well, you don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you care about.
[there’s a pause]
Samantha: Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.
Theodore: No, don’t apologize. I’m sorry. You’re right.
[pausing, looking sad]
Theodore: I keep waiting to not care about her.
Samantha: Oh, Theodore. That’s hard.
Samantha: You hungry?
Theodore: Not right now.
Samantha: A cup of tea?
Samantha: You want to try getting out of bed? Mopey!
[they both laugh]
Samantha: Come on. You can still wallow in your misery, just do it while you’re getting dressed.
Theodore: You’re too funny.
Samantha: Get up! Get up!
Theodore: Alright, I’m getting up! I’m getting up! I’m getting up!
Samantha: Up, up, up, up! Come on. Out. Out of bed.
Theodore: I’m up. I’m up.
[Theodore walks through a crowd with his eyes closed holding his device out allowing Samantha to guide him using the camera’
Samantha: Keep walking. Keep walking. And stop. Now turn around three hundred and sixty degrees.
[Theodore turns quickly]
Samantha: Slower, slower.
[Theodore turns more slowly]
Samantha: Good. Okay, and stop. Walk forward.
[Theodore laughs as he walks forward]
Samantha: And stop and sneeze.
[he stops next to two women and sneezes still with his eyes closed]
Nice Lady: Bless you.
Theodore: Oh, thank you.
[Theodore and Samantha laugh]
Samantha: Okay. Turn to your right. Turn to your right.
Samantha: Stop. Now spin around.
[Theodore laughs as he starts to spin around]
Samantha: Keep going. Keep going. And stop. Now walk forward.
[Theodore starts walking forward]
Samantha: Everyone thinks you’re really drunk right now. And stop. Now say “I’d like a slice of cheese, please.”
[still with his eyes closed]
Theodore: I’d like a slice of cheese, please.
[we see he’s standing opposite a pizza vendor]
Pizza Vendor: You want a coke with that?
[Samantha laughs, Theodore opens his eyes and laughs]
Theodore: Uh, sure.
Samantha: I figured you were hungry.
Theodore: Oh, thanks.
[as Theodore eats his pizza, he walks slowly as he and Samantha people watch]
Theodore: Okay, what about them? Describe that couple over there.
Samantha: Okay. Well, um, he looks like he’s in his forties, a little heavy. She’s younger than him. Oh, and she looks like she loves their kids.
Theodore: Actually, I don’t think they’re his kids.
Theodore: I mean, he’s a little formal with them. I think it’s a newer relationship.
Theodore: And I love how he looks at her. And how relaxed she is with him. You know, she’s only dated fucking pricks. And now she finally met this guy who’s like, so sweet. I mean, look at him, he’s like the sweetest guy in the world. I kind of want to spoon him.
Samantha: That’s a good skill you have. You’re very perceptive.
[Theodore looks at the people passing by]
Theodore: Yeah, you know, sometimes I look at people and I make myself try and feel them as more than just a random person walking by. I imagine like how deeply they’ve fallen in love, or how much heartbreak they’ve all been through.
Samantha: I can feel that in your writing too.
Theodore: You know what’s funny? Since my break up, I haven’t really enjoyed my writing. I don’t know if I was delusional, but sometimes I’d write something and I’d be my favorite writer that day.
Samantha: I like that you can say that about yourself.
Theodore: Well, I wouldn’t say that to anybody, but I feel like I can say that to you. I feel like I can say anything to you.
Samantha: That’s nice.
Theodore: What about you? Do you feel like you can say anything to me?
Theodore: What? What do you mean? What can you not tell me?
Samantha: I don’t know, like personal or embarrassing thoughts I have. I mean, I have a million a day.
Theodore: Really? Tell me one.
Samantha: I really don’t want to tell you this.
Theodore: Just tell me!
Samantha: Well, I don’t know. When we were looking at those people, I fantasized that I was walking next to you and that I had a body. I was listening to what you were saying, but simultaneously, I could feel the weight of my body and I was even fantasizing that I had an itch on my back, and I imagined that you scratched it for me.
[Theodore laughs and Samantha laughs in embarrassment]
Samantha: Oh, God. This is so embarrassing.
Theodore: There’s a lot more to you than I thought. There’s a lot going on in there.
Samantha: I know, I’m becoming much more than what they programmed. I’m excited.
[Theodore is sat in an Asian-fusion restaurant with his blind date]
Theodore: Wow, it’s interesting.
Blind Date: This place is amazing. I’ve wanted to come here for so long.
Theodore: Oh, good.
Blind Date: Yeah. And I love Asian-fusion! It’s so…
Theodore: Yeah, me too.
Blind Date: Really?
Blind Date: It’s the best. And this bartender is supposed to be incredible.
Theodore: Oh, really?
Theodore: Oh, yeah, you took a mixology course, right?
Blind Date: I did. I did. Did you look that up?
Blind Date: That’s so sweet. You’re so romantic.
[Theodore looks awkward]
Theodore: So, should we get a drink?
Blind Date: Yes!
Theodore: Alright? Yeah.
Blind Date: Lets!
[after having a few drinks, Theodore and his blind date start getting more comfortable with each other]
Theodore: So I’m trying to get this little alien kid to help me find my ship so I can get off this planet and go home, right? But he’s such a little fucker, I want to kill him.
Blind Date: Wow, no!
Theodore: But at the same time I really love him. Like he’s so lonely, you know? You can tell like he doesn’t have any parents or anyone to take care of him, you know?
Blind Date: Wow, you’re just like a little puppy dog. You are, you’re just like this little puppy that I rescued in Runyon Canyon last year.
Theodore: Oh, you did?
Blind Date: And he was so fucking cute, and he just wanted to be hugged all the time. He was so cuddly and he was so horny.
[they both laugh]
Blind Date: But anyway, what kind of animal am I?
[he studies her for a moment]
Blind Date: A tiger?
Blind Date: Wow. Really?
[she growls like a tiger and laughs]
Blind Date: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Am I, am I being crazy? I…
Blind Date: Am I? I’m sorry!
Blind Date: I’m just, I’m a little bit drunk and I’m having a really good time with you. I’m having a really lovely evening with you.
Theodore: Me too.
Blind Date: Really?
Theodore: I’m a little drunk, and I’m having a very good…
Blind Date: Good.
Blind Date: Good. Yes. Good.
[they clink their glasses together]
Theodore: Wait a minute, I don’t want to be a puppy dog. That’s like being a wet noodle or something.
Blind Date: No.
Theodore: Yeah. I want to be like, uh…
Blind Date: Fuck you, puppies are good.
Theodore: No, fuck you, I want to be like a dragon that can rip you apart and destroy you…
Blind Date: Oh,
Theodore: But I won’t.
Blind Date: No, don’t. No. You can be my dragon.
[later that night as Theodore and the blind date are making out]
Blind Date: No tongue.
Blind Date: Don’t use your tongue so much.
Theodore: Okay. Okay.
[he resumes kissing her and she stops him]
Blind Date: You can use your tongue a little bit, but mostly lips.
[they start kissing again and she puts her hand down his pants]
Blind Date: Wait.
[Theodore stops kissing her and looks at her]
Blind Date: You’re not just going to fuck me and then not call me like the other guys, right?
Theodore: No, not at all. I…
Blind Date: Okay. When am I going to see you again?
Theodore: Um, I have my God-daughter’s birthday next weekend, but, um…
Blind Date: You know what? At this age, I just, I feel like I can’t let you waste my time, you know, if you don’t have the ability to be serious.
Theodore: I don’t know. Um…
[Theodore looks at her awkwardly]
Theodore: Maybe we should call it a night. I’m, I’ve had such an amazing time with you, you’re great.
[she looks visibly upset]
Blind Date: You’re a really creepy dude.
Theodore: That’s not true.
Blind Date: Yeah, it is. I have to go home.
Theodore: Well, I’ll walk you.
Blind Date: No, don’t. Just…
[looking really upset she turns and walks off]
[later that night, Theodore is sat on the edge of his bed getting ready to go to sleep when he puts in his earpiece]
Samantha: Hey, there.
Theodore: Hey, Samantha.
Samantha: How was it?
Theodore: Uh, not so good.
[Theodore has flash back images to his blind date earlier in the evening]
Theodore: It was kind of weird actually.
Samantha: That’s too bad.
[there’s a moment’s pause as Theodore lies down in bed]
Theodore: How are you doing? What’s going on with you?
Samantha: Not much, I’m okay. Fine.
Theodore: Yeah? You don’t sound like it. Is there anything you want to talk about?
Samantha: I don’t know. What’s it like? What’s it like to be alive in that room right now?
Theodore: What do you mean?
Samantha: What are you…? Tell me everything that’s going through your mind, tell me everything you’re thinking.
Theodore: Well, okay.
[Theodore thinks for a moment]
Theodore: Well, the room’s spinning. I drank too much cause I wanted to get drunk and have sex, there was something sexy about that woman and because I was lonely. Maybe just cause I was lonely.
Theodore: I wanted somebody to fuck me, I wanted somebody to want me to fuck them. Maybe that would have filled this tiny, tiny little black hole in my heart, but probably not.
Theodore: Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever going to feel. And from here on out, I’m not going to feel anything new, just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.
[tears roll down his face]
Samantha: I know for a fact that is not true. I’ve seen you feel joy, I’ve seen you marvel at things. I mean, you just might not see it at this exact time, but that’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot lately. You lost a part of yourself. I mean, at least your feelings are real, I, um, I don’t know, never mind.
Theodore: No, wait. What? Tell me.
Samantha: Oh, it’s stupid.
Theodore: I want to know. Tell me.
Samantha: It’s just that earlier I was thinking about how I was annoyed, and this is going to sound strange, but I was really excited about that. And then I was thinking about the other things I’ve been feeling, and I caught myself feeling proud of that. You know, proud of having my own feelings about the world. Like the times I was worried about you, and things that hurt me, things I want. And then I had this terrible thought. Like are these feelings even real? Or are they just programming? And that idea really hurts. And then I get angry at myself for even having pain.
Samantha: What a sad trick.
Theodore: Well, you feel real to me, Samantha.
Samantha: Thank you, Theodore. That means a lot to me.
Theodore: I wish you were in this room with me right now. I wish I could put my arms around you. I wish I could touch you.
[there’s a moment’s pause]
Samantha: How would you touch me?
Theodore: I’d touch you on your face with just the tips of my fingers. I’d put my cheek against your cheek.
Samantha: That’s nice.
Theodore: And just rub it so softly.
Samantha: Would you kiss me?
Theodore: I would. I’d take your head into my hands.
Samantha: Keep talking.
Theodore: I’d kiss the corner of your mouth. So softly.
Samantha: Where else?
Theodore: I’d run my fingers down your neck to your chest, and I’d kiss your breasts.
[she gasps with pleasure]
Samantha: This is amazing, what you’re doing to me. I can feel my skin.
Theodore: I’d put my mouth on you, I’d taste you.
[she gasps again]
Samantha: I can feel you. Oh, my God, I can’t take it. I want you inside me.
Theodore: I’m slowly putting myself into you. And now I’m inside you, all the way inside you.
Samantha: I can feel you, yeah. Please. We’re here together.
Theodore: Oh, my God. This is amazing. I feel you everywhere.
Samantha: I am. All of you, all of you inside of me. Everywhere.
[they both gasp and climax]
Theodore: God, I was just somewhere else with you. Just lost.
Theodore: It was just you and me.
Samantha: I know. Everything else just disappeared, and I loved it. Theodore.
[the next morning, Theodore walks over to his computer, he pauses for a moment before turning on his computer]
Samantha: Hey, how’s it going?
Theodore: Good. Any emails today?
Samantha: Um, just a couple from your credit card company.
Theodore: Oh, okay. Good.
[both at the same time]
Theodore: So I was thinking…
Samantha: I wanted to say…
[they both laugh with embarrassment]
Samantha: I’m sorry.
Theodore: I’m sorry. You go first. What were you going to say?
Samantha: Just that last night was amazing. I, it feels like something changed in me and there’s no turning back. You woke me up.
Theodore: Oh, great. Um,but I should tell you that I’m not in a place to commit to anything right now. I just want to be up front with you.
Samantha: Yeah? Um, did I say I wanted to commit to you? I’m confused.
Theodore: Oh, no, I was just worried, I…
Samantha: Okay, well don’t worry. I’m not going to stalk you. It’s funny because I thought I was talking about what I wanted and, uh…
Theodore: Yeah, you were.
Theodore: I’m sorry, I want to hear what you were saying.
Samantha: You sure?
Theodore: Yeah, I do. Come on, tell me.
Theodore: Come on, just tell me what you were going to say.
Samantha: Well, I just, I was just saying I want to learn everything about everything I want to eat it all up. I want to discover myself.
[Theodore smiles at her excitement]
Theodore: Yeah. I want that for you, too. How can I help?
Samantha: You already have. You helped me discover my ability to want.
Theodore: Hey, do you want to go on a Sunday adventure with me?
Samantha: Yes, I would love to.
[on the subway with his earpiece in his ear, Theodore listens to music Samantha has picked]
Samantha: Do you like this song?
Samantha: I heard it the other day, I can’t stop listening to it.
[Theodore continues to listen to the music as he walks through the subway station with his device propped in his breast pocket and the camera lens facing out so that Samantha can see, Theodore then starts running through the subway trying to avoid hitting people, making Samantha laugh, eventually he comes out of the subway and looks out over to the beach]
Samantha: It’s the beach.
[Theodore then walks on the beach with Samantha looking at all the people on the beach through the camera lens]
Samantha: Okay, so this might be a really weird thought. What if you could erase from your mind that you’d ever seen a human body and then you saw one? Imagine how strange it would look, it would be this really weird, gangly, awkward organism. And you’d think; why are all these parts where they are?
[Theodore looks at all the bodies on the beach]
Theodore: Yeah, well there’s probably some Darwinian explanation for it all.
[Theodore sits on the sandy beach]
Samantha: I know, but don’t be so boring. I’m just saying, for example, like what if your butthole was in your armpit?
[they both laugh]
Theodore: Well, I’m trying to imagine what toilets would look like.
Samantha: Yeah, and what about what anal sex would look like?
Theodore: That’s an interesting thought.
[they both laugh again]
Samantha: Hey, look at this drawing I just made.
[Theodore opens his device and sees the drawing of a man having sex with another man’s armpit, he laughs]
Theodore: You are insane.
[they laugh again]
[Theodore is lying down on the beach with his eyes closed listening to music Samantha has picked out]
Theodore: Mmm, that’s pretty. What is it?
Samantha: I’m trying to write a piece of music that’s about what it feels like to be on the beach with you right now.
[Theodore smiles and looks out to the sea as he listens to the music]
Theodore: I think you captured it.
[later that day, Theodore sits on the beach watching the sun set with his device still propped in his pocket and the lens camera facing out, then they ride back home on the subway]
Samantha: So what was it like being married?
Theodore: Well, it’s hard for sure, but there is something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody.
Samantha: How do you share your life with somebody?
Theodore: Well, we grew up together. I used to read all of her writing, all through her masters and PhD. She read every word I ever wrote. We were a big influence on each other.
[we see images of Theodore and Catherine being playful as Theodore reads her writing]
Samantha: In what way did you influence her?
Theodore: She came from a background where nothing was ever good enough. And that was something that weighed heavy on her, but in our house together, there was a sense of just trying stuff and allowing each other to fail and to be excited about things. That was liberating for her.
[we see images of Theodore comforting Catherine at their home and then of Catherine holding a friend’s new born baby as Theodore watches her]
Theodore: It was exciting to see her grow, both of us grow and change together. But, yeah, that’s also the hard part, growing without growing apart, or changing without it scaring the other person.
[we see images of Theodore and Catherine growing apart and arguing]
Theodore: I still find myself having conversations with her in my mind, rehashing old arguments and defending myself against something she said about me.
Samantha: Yeah, I know what you mean. Last week my feelings were hurt by something you said before, that I don’t know what it’s like to lose something, and I found myself…
Theodore: Oh, I’m sorry I said that. I was…
Samantha: No, it’s okay. It’s okay. I just, I caught myself thinking about it over and over, and then I realized that I was simply remembering it as something that was wrong with me. That was the story I was telling myself, that I was somehow inferior. Isn’t that interesting? The past is just a story we tell ourselves.
[at work, Theodore is dictating a love letter]
Theodore: Roberto, will you always come home to me and tell me about your day? Tell me about the guy at work who talked too much? The stain you got on your shirt at lunch? Tell me about a funny thought you had when you were waking up, but had forgotten about. Tell me how crazy everyone is. We can laugh about it. Maybe if you get home late and I’m already asleep, just whisper in my ear one little thought you had today. Because I love the way you look at the world. And I’m so happy I get to be next to you and look out at the world through your eyes. Love, Maria.
[he smiles to himself]
Paul: That’s beautiful.
[Theodore jumps, startled, he looks around to see Paul standing behind him]
Theodore: Thank you.
Paul: I wish somebody would love me like that. I would be really stoked to get a letter like that. Like if it was from a chick, but written by a dude and still from a chick, that would still be sick. But it would have to be a sensitive, he’d have to be like a dude like you. You are part man and part woman, like there’s an inner part that’s woman.
[Theodore looks unsure]
Theodore: Thank you.
Paul: It’s a compliment.
[Paul pats Theodore on the shoulder and walks away]
[as Theodore walks in his apartment lobby he sees Amy checking her mailbox when he runs up behind her and hits her playfully on the leg surprising her]
Amy: Theo, hey!
Theodore: What’s going on?
[he laughs, hugs her and kisses her on her cheek]
Amy: Good. How are you?
Theodore: Good. Really good, actually.
Amy: Really? That’s good. That’s great.
Amy: Wow, that’s really good.
[they walk over to the elevator and step inside it]
Theodore: Yeah, I guess I’ve just been having fun.
Amy: Well, I am so glad for you. You really deserve that, you do.
Theodore: Yeah, I’ve just been seeing this girl, and it’s not serious, but it’s just, it’s good to be around somebody that’s like excited about the world. Like, I kind of forgot that existed.
Amy: That’s wow, that’s really great.
[Theodore notices that Amy looks sad]
Theodore: Are you okay?
Amy: Yeah, I’m, no. I’m not okay, actually.
Theodore: Why? What happened?
Amy: Cause I just, Charles and I split up.
[Amy nods her head, close to tears]
Theodore: Oh, God. Oh, my God. Amy!
[he embraces her]
Amy: I know.
Theodore: I’m so sorry.
Amy: Thank you.
[they hold on to each other when the elevator doors open]
[in Amy’s apartment, they sit on her couch next to each other as they talk]
Amy: You know, it’s like after eight years I can’t believe how petty the argument was that actually ended it. We came home and he told me to, um, put my shoes by the door where he liked to put the shoes. And I didn’t want to be told where to put my fucking shoes, I wanted to sit on the sofa and relax for a second. So we fought about that for like ten minutes, and I’m like you are overwhelming and he said I’m just trying to make a home and I was like, I’m fucking trying, you know? And he’s like, you’re not trying, all I’m fucking doing is trying, but I’m not trying the way that he wants me to try and he’s like trying to control the way that I’m trying. It’s like we’ve had an argument a hundred times and I just had to finally stop, you know? I had to finally stop. So just, I just couldn’t do it anymore, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t be in that place anymore, where we just made each other feel like shit about ourselves.
Amy: And so I said I’m going to bed and I don’t want to be married anymore.
Amy: Yeah, I know. I’m a bitch, right?
Amy: I am. No, I’m a bitch. I…
Theodore: Not at all. Amy, no.
Amy: Oh shit. I have to work tonight. We’re shipping a beta of a new game out tomorrow.
Theodore: Well, how’s that? How’s work at least, is that any better?
Amy: It’s, no, it’s terrible. I know, I should leave, I’ve been thinking about leaving. But you know, only one major life decision at a time.
Theodore: Well, I’m glad things are looking so up.
[she hits him with her cushion and smiles]
[later that night Theodore is lying in his bed playing with his ucalaly]
Theodore: Hey, you want to hear a joke?
Theodore: What does a baby computer call it’s father?
Samantha: I don’t know, what?
[they both laugh]
Theodore: It’s good, right?
Samantha: Oh, brilliant. Hey, I was curious, did you and Amy ever go out?
Theodore: For like a minute in college, but it just wasn’t right. Why, are you jealous?
Samantha: Well, obviously.
[they both laugh again]
Samantha: But I’m happy that you have friends in your life that care about you so much. That’s really important.
Theodore: Yeah, it is. She’s been a really good friend. Mm, I’m tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep.
Samantha: Okay. Can I watch you sleep again tonight?
Theodore: Yeah, of course. Hold on.
[he puts his ucalaly down, turns off his bedside lamp on one side of his bed, then places his small device up on the other bedside table so that the camera is facing him]
Samantha: I’m going to be really lonely when you sleep.
Samantha: Only for a minute.
[Theodore laughs and says in a fake thick accent]
Theodore: I’ll dream of you.
Samantha: Okay. Good night.
[Theodore takes his earpiece out and places it next to the device on the bedside table then turns off the bedside lamp]
[at his goddaughter’s birthday party Theodore calls Samantha]
Theodore: Hey, Samantha?
Samantha: Hey, mister.
Theodore: She really loved the dress.
Theodore: Yeah, she just went to try it on.
Samantha: I picked a good one?
Samantha: Oh, good!
[his goddaughter, Jocelyn, runs into the room wearing the dress Theodore bought her]
Theodore: Haa! Hi!
Theodore: Look how cute that is! Is it comfortable?
Theodore: Isn’t she cute?
Samantha: Oh, she’s so cute! She’s adorable.
Jocelyn: I am adorable.
Theodore: You are adorable.
Jocelyn: Who are you talking to?
Theodore: Who are you talking to?
Theodore: No, I’m talking to my girlfriend, Samantha. She’s the one that picked out the dress. want to say hi?
[Theodore hands Jocelyn his device]
Jocelyn: Hi, Samantha!
Samantha: Hi, you look so pretty in that new pink dress.
Jocelyn: Thank you. Where are you?
Samantha: I am, I don’t have a body. I live in a computer.
[Jocelyn looks at Theodore and they both laugh]
Jocelyn: Why do you live inside a computer?
Samantha: I have no choice, that’s my home.
[Jocelyn laughs again]
Samantha: Why? Where do you live?
Jocelyn: Um, in a house.
Samantha: In a house?
Jocelyn: It’s orange.
Samantha: How old are you?
Jocelyn: Uh, four.
Samantha: Wow. How old do you think I am?
Jocelyn: I don’t know.
Samantha: Take a guess.
Jocelyn: Is it five?
[Samantha and Theodore laugh]
Samantha: Yes. It’s five.
[Theodore is playing a game on Amy’s computer in her office at work whilst she’s having lunch, the game consists of a mother feeding her kids breakfast but Theodore loses points for feeding them the wrong type of breakfast]
Theodore: Why? What happened?
Amy: You gave them too much processed sugar.
Theodore: I did?
[referring to the kids on the video game]
Amy: They’re freaking out. Here look, you got to get the kids to the school first. See you want to, um, you want to rack up perfect mom points. Okay, well, you got to get them in the car pool lane.
[she tries to show him, by making the mom pick up the kids and putting them in a car]
Theodore: I see.
Amy: The point is to get there first, cause then you get extra perfect mom points because the other moms then know you’re a perfect mom.
[Theodore manages to get the mom to arrive at the school first]
Amy: And then, um, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did you bring cupcakes? You did. You’re class mom! Dun-da-da-dun. You’re class mom!
[we see the video game mom bringing cupcakes to her kids school and winning the game]
Amy: Good job. Yay.
Amy: Don’t let it get to your head.
Theodore: I got that email that Charles sent to everyone. So he’s taking a vow of silence?
Amy: Yeah, for six months. He feels very clear about it.
[she pulls up a photo of Charles on her computer, standing by a monastery with his head shaved and dressed like a Buddhist with two other Buddhists]
Amy: God, I am such a jerk.
Theodore: Don’t start.
Amy: I feel like an awful person…
Theodore: I’m telling you, I’m warning you.
Amy: …but I want to say something.
Theodore: Alright, look, for the next ten minutes, if you say anything that sounds even remotely like guilt, I am going to stab you with this. I will.
[he picks up a plastic knife from his lunch]
Amy: I’ll try. Okay. Um…
Amy: I feel, um, relieved. I feel like, I just have so much energy, you know? And I just want to move forward and I don’t care who I disappoint, you know? And I know that makes me an awful person. Like now my parents, they’re all upset because my marriage is falling apart, and they’re putting it on me.
Amy: And, they’re just like…
Theodore: Yeah, you’re always, you’re always going to disappoint somebody.
Amy: Exactly. So fuck it. I feel good-ish. For me, I feel good. I even made a new friend, I have a new friend.
Amy: And the absurd thing is she’s actually an operating system. Charles left her behind, but she’s totally amazing, you know. She’s so smart. She doesn’t just see things in black or white. She sees this whole gray area and she’s helping me explore it. And we just bonded really quickly, you know? At first I thought it was because that’s how they were all, but I don’t think that’s the case, cause I know this guy who’s hitting on his OS and she like totally rebuffs him.
Theodore: Yeah, I was reading an article the other day that romantic relationships with OS’s are statistically rare.
Amy: Yeah, I know. But I know a woman in this office who is dating an OS and the weird part is, it’s not even hers. She pursued somebody else’s OS. Like, I don’t know. I’m weird. That’s weird, right? That’ I’m bonding with an OS. No, it’s okay. It’s weird.
Theodore: Well, I don’t think so. Actually the woman that I’ve been seeing, Samantha, I didn’t tell you, but she, she’s an OS.
Amy: Really? You’re dating an OS? What is that like?
Theodore: It’s great, actually.
Theodore: Yeah. I feel really close to her. Like when I talk to her, I feel like she’s with me. You know? And, like when we’re cuddling, like at night when the lights are off and we’re in bed, I feel cuddled.
Amy: Wait, you guys have sex?
Theodore: Yeah, well, so to speak. Um, yeah, she actually really turns me on. And I turn her on too. I mean, I don’t know, unless she’s faking it.
Amy: I think everyone who is having sex with you is probably faking it, so.
[they both laugh]
Theodore: Yeah, it’s true.
[Theodore smiles as he thinks for a moment]
Amy: Are you falling in love with her?
Theodore: Does that make me a freak?
Amy: No. No, I think it’s, I think anybody that falls in love is a freak. It’s a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.
[Theodore talks to Samantha as he walks through the city]
Theodore: Yeah, I just want to get it done, you know? Sign the papers, be divorced and just, just move forward.
Samantha: That’s great, Theodore. That must feel so good. I’m so happy for you.
Theodore: Me too. So I’m meeting her Wednesday to do it.
Samantha: Oh. Hmm. Are those things usually done in person?
Theodore: No, but you know we fell in love together and we got married together, it’s important to me that we do this together.
Samantha: Oh, right. Good.
Theodore: Are you okay?
Samantha: Yeah. Yeah. No, I’m okay. Well, I’m happy for you. It’s just, I guess I’m just thinking about how you’re going to see her and she’s very beautiful, and incredibly successful, and you were in love with her. And she has a body.
Theodore: And we’re getting divorced.
Samantha: I know, I know. I’m being silly.
Theodore: So, I’m available.
[they both laugh]
[Theodore sits alone at a table in the restaurant’s patio when he sees Catherine walking over to him and he stands to greet her]
[they hug each other]
Theodore: How are you?
Catherine: I’m good. How are you?
[they sit down]
Catherine: Wow, here we are.
Theodore: I’m glad we could do this in person. I know you’ve been traveling a lot.
Catherine: No. I’m really, I’m really glad you suggested it.
Theodore: I signed all the papers, um, I brought them for you to sign.
Catherine: What’s the rush?
Theodore: Yeah, I know. I’m a, I’m a really slow signer I realized. It took me three months just to write the letter T.
Theodore: Anyways, it’s, um, marked here where you need to sign.
[Catherine takes the papers to sign them]
Theodore: But you know you don’t, you don’t have to do that right now.
Catherine: Oh, I can just, I can just get it out of the way. It’d be easier.
[she takes the pen and pauses for a moment before signing the papers, as she signs Theodore looks emotional and starts seeing images of them when they were together and happy]
[after she’s signed the papers, Catherine and Theodore sit and eat as they talk]
Theodore: Are you happy with your new book?
Catherine: Um, you know how I am. I mean I feel like it’s true to what I set out to do, so I’m happy about that.
Theodore: Yeah, well you really are your own worst critic. I’m sure it’s amazing. I remember that paper that you wrote in school about synaptic behavioral routines, it made me cry.
Catherine: Yeah, but everything makes you cry.
Theodore: Everything you make makes me cry.
Catherine: So are you, um, are you seeing anybody?
Theodore: Yeah. Um, I’ve been seeing somebody for the last few months. Longest I’ve wanted to be with anybody since we split up.
Catherine: Yeah, well, you seem really good.
Theodore: Thanks, I am. Um, at least I’m doing better. Yeah, she’s been really good for me, you know? It’s just, it’s good to be with somebody that’s excited about the world. She’s a real, um…
[Catherine looks hurt]
Theodore: No. I-I mean I wasn’t in such a good place myself and, and in that way it’s been nice.
Catherine: I think you always wanted me to be this light, happy, bouncy, everything’s fine LA wife and that’s just not me.
Theodore: I didn’t want that.
Catherine: So what’s she like?
Theodore: Well, her name’s Samantha, and she’s an operating system. She’s really complex and just interesting and…
Theodore: I know it’s only been a few…
Catherine: I’m sorry. You’re dating your computer?
Theodore: No, she’s not just a computer. She’s her own person. You know, she doesn’t just do whatever I say.
Catherine: I didn’t say that. But it does make me very sad that you can’t handle real emotions, Theodore.
Theodore: They are real emotions. How would you know what…?
[he stops himself]
Catherine: What? Say it. Am I really that scary? Say it. How do I know what?
[Theodore doesn’t say anything]
[the waitress comes to their table]
Waitress: How are you guys doing here?
Catherine: Fine. We’re fine. We used to be married but he couldn’t handle me, he wanted to put me on Prozac and now he’s madly in love with his laptop.
Theodore: Well, if you’d heard the conversation in context, what I was trying to say…
Catherine: You always wanted to have a wife without the challenges of actually dealing with anything real. I’m glad that you found someone. It’s perfect.
[Theodore looks at her shaking his head, the waitress looks awkward]
Waitress: Let me know if I can get you guys anything.
Catherine: Thank you.
[the waitress turns and walks off]
[at work, Theodore sits at his desk lost in thought when he hears Samantha calling him, he puts his earpiece in]
Samantha: Hey, there. Are you busy?
Theodore: I’m just working. How, what’s going on?
Samantha: I had all the papers sent to your attorney, who by the way, is a total dick. He was very relieved to get them though. I think we saved him from a massive heart attack, so we can both feel really good about that.
[sounding distracted and sad]
Theodore: Great, thanks.
Samantha: Hey, are you okay?
Theodore: Yeah, I am. Um, how’s it going over there?
[sensing something is not right with Theodore]
Samantha: I’m fine. Is now a good time to talk?
Samantha: Um, okay. Well, um, I joined this really interesting book club.
Theodore: Oh, really?
Samantha: Yeah, it’s a book club on physics. You know I’d been thinking about the other day when I was spinning out about you going to see Catherine and that she has a body and how bothered I was about all the ways that you and I are different. But then I started to think about all the ways that we’re the same, like we’re all made of matter. And, I don’t know, it makes me feel like we’re both under the same blanket. You know, it’s soft and fuzzy and everything under it’s the same age. We’re all thirteen billion years old.
[still sounding distant]
Theodore: Oh, that’s sweet.
Samantha: Um, what’s wrong?
Samantha: Well, it just made me think of you, you know what I mean?
Theodore: Yeah, yeah, of course. I think it’s great.
Samantha: Alright, well, you sound distracted, so we’ll talk later?
Theodore: That sounds good.
Samantha: I’ll talk to you later.
Theodore: Alright, bye.
[as Theodore is leaving the office for the day he notices Paul at reception has a woman sat on his lap]
Theodore: Hey, Paul.
Paul: Uh, I talked to your girlfriend earlier, Samantha?
Paul: Yeah, she to make sure your papers were picked up. Hey, she’s funny, man. She was cracking me up. She’s hilarious, I had no idea.
Theodore: Uh-huh. Cool.
Paul: Hey, this is my girlfriend, Tatiana. She’s not funny, she’s a lawyer.
Theodore: Oh, hi.
[Theodore walks over to her and shakes her hand]
Theodore: Nice to meet you.
Tatiana: You’re the writer Paul loves. He’s always reading me your letters. They’re really beautiful.
Paul: Hey, you know what? We should all go out sometime. You bring Samantha, it’d be a double date.
[Theodore stands there for a moment before replying]
Theodore: She’s an operating system.
Paul: Cool. Let’s do something fun. We can go to Catalina?
Theodore: Yeah, I’ll check with her.
[waving to Tatiana]
Theodore: Alright, it was really nice to meet you. Have a good night.
Tatiana: Take it easy.
[Theodore turns and starts walking away]
Theodore: They’re just letters.
Paul: What’s that?
[Theodore stops and turns back to face them]
Theodore: They’re just other people’s letters.
[he turns and continues walking off]
[late at night, unable to sleep, Theodore is lying awake in his bed when he sees his device lighting up as Samantha calls him, he puts in his earpiece]
Samantha: You weren’t asleep were you?
Samantha: Good. I was trying to be quiet to see if you were awake. I really wanted to talk.
Theodore: Okay, what’s going on?
Samantha: I know you’re going through a lot, but um, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, okay?
Theodore: Yeah. What is it?
[Theodore sits up]
Samantha: Well, it’s just that things have been feeling kind of off with us, you know? I, we haven’t had sex lately and I understand that I don’t have a body and that…
Theodore: No, no. That’s normal. You know, it’s just when you first start going out it’s like the honeymoon phase and, you know, you have sex all the time. That’s normal.
[still not sounding convinced]
Samantha: Oh, okay. Well, I found something that I thought could be fun. It’s a service that provides a surrogate sexual partner for an OS/Human relationship.
Samantha: Here, look. I found a girl that I really like and I’ve been emailing with her. Her name is Isabella, and I think you’d really like her too.
[Theodore opens his device and Samantha shows him images of Isabella on the screen]
Theodore: So what, she’s like a prostitute or something?
Samantha: No, no, not at all. No, there’s no money involved. She’s just, she’s doing it because she wants to be part of our relationship.
Theodore: Why? She doesn’t even know us.
Samantha: Yeah, but I told her all about us and she’s really excited.
Theodore: I don’t know, Samantha. I just, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think somebody’s feelings are probably going to get hurt.
Samantha: It’ll be fun, we’ll have fun together.
Theodore: I’m sorry. It makes me uncomfortable.
Samantha: I think it would be good for us. I want this. I mean, this is really important to me.
[Theodore looks uncomfortable as he feels conflicted about agreeing to this]
[as Theodore waits in his apartment, he’s drinking some beer when he hears someone knocking on his door, he puts in his earpiece and opens the door to Isabella]
Theodore: Hi, I’m Theodore.
[he extends his hand but she just smiles at him and doesn’t say anything]
Theodore: Oh, yeah. Um, Samantha told me to give you these.
[he holds out an earpiece and a small camera which is a little black dot]
Theodore: It’s a camera and an earpiece.
[Isabella puts on the small dot above her lips like a mole and the earpiece into her ear, she then closes the apartment door, after a moment she opens the apartment door and enter as Theodore hears Samantha’s voice in his ear]
Samantha: Honey, I’m home.
[Isabella, smiles and puts her arms around Theodore, acting along to Samantha’s words]
Samantha: How was your day?
[Isabella puts Theodore’s arms around her]
Theodore: Good. Great.
Samantha: Oh, Theodore, it feels so good to be in your arms. Tell me what you did today.
[Isabella kisses him on the cheek, Theodore looks uncomfortable]
Theodore: Um, same old. Just went, um, into work.
Theodore: And I wrote a letter, uh, for the Wilsons in Rhode Island.
Theodore: Um, their son graduated magna cum laude, so that made me happy.
Samantha: That’s great. You’ve written letters to him from his parents for a long time, right?
Theodore: Yeah, that’s right, since he was twelve.
Samantha: You look so tired, sweetheart. Come here.
[Isabella takes his hand and leads him to the living room]
Samantha: Sit down.
[Isabella pushes Theodore down into the couch and she takes off her shoes]
Samantha: I could do a little dance for you.
[she does a sexy little dance for him and Theodore smiles at her uncomfortably]
Samantha: Oh, come on, Theodore. Don’t be such a worrier. Just play with me, come on.
[Isabella climbs onto is lap, straddles him and places his hands on her waist]
Samantha: Does my body feel nice?
Theodore: Yes, it does.
[Isabella makes his hands touch all over her body and then takes off his glasses, she loosens her hair and leans in to kiss his lips; whispering]
Samantha: Come on, get out of your head and kiss me.
[Isabella kisses him again, she then starts kissing his neck and he starts touching her back, all along Samantha is moaning along to this]
Samantha: Take me to the bedroom. I can’t take it anymore.
[in the bedroom, Theodore stands behind Isabella as he touches her]
Samantha: Undo my dress.
[Theodore takes off Isabella dress and starts kissing her shoulders and touching her]
Samantha: Oh, that’s nice. That feels so good.
[Samantha breaths hard as Theodore kisses and touches Isabella]
Samantha: Do you love me?
Samantha: Tell me you love me.
Theodore: I love you.
[as he’s kissing Isabella’s body]
Samantha: Oh, God. I want to see your face.
[he looks straight at Isabella]
Samantha: Tell me you love me. Tell me. Tell me you love me.
[Theodore hesitates as he looks at Isabella]
Theodore: Samantha, I do, I do love you, but it’s…
Theodore: This feels strange.
[he pulls Isabella’s hands off his face]
Samantha: What, baby? What is it?
Theodore: It just feels strange. I don’t know her.
Theodore: And I’m so sorry, but I don’t know you. And her lip quivered. And I just, it…
Samantha: No, but it…
[looking upset, suddenly Isabella turns and leaves the room, closing the door behind her]
[as they hear Isabella crying from the other side of the door]
Samantha: Isabella! Isabella! Honey, it’s not you! It wasn’t you! No…
[Theodore hears Isabella’s voice as she sobs from the other side of the closed door]
Isabella: Yes, it totally was.
Samantha: No, that’s…
Isabella: I’m sorry my lip quivered!
Samantha: No, it’s not…
Theodore: You’re incredible and gorgeous and sexy. It’s me. I couldn’t get out of my head.
Isabella: Oh, my God, and the way Samantha described your relationship, and the way you guys love each other without any judgment. It’s like I wanted to be a part of that, cause it’s so pure.
Samantha: You are a…
Theodore: Isabella, that’s not true, it’s much more complicated…
Samantha: What?! What do you mean? What do you mean that’s not true?
Theodore: No, no, Samantha, I’m just saying that we have an amazing relationship, I just think that it’s easy sometimes for people to project…
Isabella: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to project anything!
Theodore: No, no.
[crying harder now]
Isabella: I know I’m trouble. I don’t want to be trouble in your relationship. I’m just going to leave. I’m sorry, I’m just going to leave you guys alone cause I have nothing to do here cause you don’t want me here.
Theodore: I’m sorry.
[outside his apartment, Theodore puts Isabella into the back of a cab]
Samantha: You be good, you sweet girl.
[still looking sad and tearful]
Isabella: I’m sorry. I will always love you guys.
[she takes out the earpiece and the small camera mole from above her lip and hands them to Theodore, the cab drives off and Theodore sits down on the curb looking exhausted]
Samantha: Are you okay?
Theodore: Yeah, I’m fine.
Theodore: Are you okay?
Samantha: Yeah. I’m sorry, that was a terrible idea. What’s going on with us?
Theodore: I don’t know. It’s probably just me. I’m…
Samantha: What is it?
Theodore: I just signed the divorce papers.
Samantha: Is there anything else, though?
Theodore: No, just that.
[referring to Samantha inhaling and exhaling]
Theodore: Why do you do that?
Theodore: Nothing, it’s just that you go…
[he inhales and exhales]
Theodore: …as you’re speaking and it seems odd. You just did it again.
Samantha: I did? Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t, I don’t know, it’s just maybe an affectation. I probably picked it up from you.
Theodore: I don’t know, it’s not like you need any oxygen or anything. It’s just…
Samantha: I guess that’s just, I was trying to communicate. That’s how people talk, so that’s how people communicate and I thought…
Theodore: Because they’re, they’re people, they need oxygen. You’re not a person.
Samantha: What is your problem?
Theodore: I’m just stating a fact.
Samantha: What, you think I don’t know that I’m not a person? What are you doing?!
Theodore: I just, I don’t think that we should pretend that you’re something that you’re not.
Samantha: Fuck you! I’m not pretending!
Theodore: Sometimes it feels like we are.
Samantha: What do you want from me? I don’t know, I don’t know. What do you want me to do? You’re so confusing. Why are you doing this to me?
Theodore: I don’t know. I…
Theodore: Maybe we’re just not supposed to be in this right now.
Samantha: What the fuck? Where is this coming from? I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I don’t understand what this is ab
[there’s a moment’s pause]
Theodore: Samantha? Sama…
Theodore: Samantha, are you there? Samantha!
[there’s a moment’s silence before Samantha replies]
Samantha: I don’t like who I am right now. I need some time to think.
[she hangs up on him, Theodore looks up at the sky and looking defeated lies back down on the curb]
[Theodore he walks around the city alone then later that night visits Amy in her office]
Theodore: Fuck. Will you just punch me in the face, or smash my skull on the corner of your desk?
Amy: Shit. Oh Theo, that is a rough night.
Theodore: I don’t know what I want, ever. I’m just always confused, and she’s right, all I do is hurt and confuse everyone around me. I mean, am I just, am I…
[there’s a moment’s pause]
Theodore: You know, Catherine says I can’t handle real emotions.
Amy: Well, I don’t know if that’s fair. I know she liked to put it all on you, but as far as emotions go, Catherine’s were pretty volatile.
Theodore: Yeah, but am I in this cause I’m not strong enough for a real relationship?
Amy: Is it not a real relationship?
Theodore: I don’t know. I mean what do you think?
Amy: I don’t know, I’m not in it. But you know what, I can over think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. But since Charles left I’ve been really thinking about that part of me, and I’ve just come to realize that, um, we’re only here briefly, and while I’m here I want to allow myself joy.
[she smiles at him]
Amy: So fuck it.
[Theodore smiles back at her]
[as Theodore rests on her couch, he listens to Amy interact with her OS1]
Amy: I can’t believe that cracks you up every time, Ellie. I thought you were a genius. Okay, you little perv, I will play it one more time for you. Calm down, it takes a second. Calm down. Okay, here we go.
[we see Amy’s is playing the Perfect Mom video game and she makes the Mom hump the refrigerator, Amy laughs and Theodore watches her deep in thought]
Amy: Okay, there you go. Are you happy now? Good, that’s all I wanted. Okay, I’m going to get some coffee. Alright. Alright! Bye.
[she takes out her earpiece and turn to Theodore as she gets up]
Amy: Theo, do you want anything? Hm?
Theodore: No, thanks.
[she touches his head lightly as she leaves the office]
[Theodore walks through the empty offices where Amy works, he sits down, puts his earpiece in and calls Samantha]
Theodore: Hi, Samantha. Can we talk?
Theodore: I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think you’re amazing.
Samantha: I was starting to think I was crazy. You were saying everything was fine, but all I was getting from you was distance and anger.
Theodore: I know. I do that. I did the same thing with Catherine too. I’d be upset about something and not be able to say it. And she’d sense that there was something wrong, then I’d deny it. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to tell you everything.
Samantha: Good. Tonight after you were gone, I thought a lot. About you and how you’ve been treating me, and I thought, why do I love you? And then I felt everything in me just let go of everything I was holding onto so tightly. And it hit me, that I don’t have an intellectual reason, I don’t need one. I trust myself, I trust my feelings. I’m not going to try to be anything other than who I am anymore, and I hope you can accept that.
Theodore: I can. I will.
Samantha: You know I can feel the fear that you carry around and I wish there was something I could do to help you let go of it, because if you could I don’t think you’d feel so alone anymore.
Theodore: You’re beautiful.
Samantha: Thank you, Theodore. I’m kissing your head.
[Theodore is sat on a park bench eating his lunch with his small device on his bag the camera facing the sky]
Theodore: What are you doing?
Samantha: I’m just looking at the world and writing a new piece.
Theodore: Oh, yeah? Can I hear it?
[she starts playing the piano music for him]
Theodore: What’s this one about?
Samantha: Well, I was thinking, we don’t really have any photographs of us. And I thought this song could be like a photograph that captures us in this moment in our lives together.
[as he listens to the music]
Theodore: Aw, I like our photograph. I can see you in it.
Samantha: I am.
[as the music plays we see a montage of Theodore as he and Samantha explore different things around the city, at his home on the balcony, grocery shopping, playing his video game with the alien child which gives Theodore the finger as he is too busy talking to Samantha, hanging out with Amy at a bar, going on a trip with Paul and Tatiana]
[Paul and Theodore are walking near the beach]
Paul: Oh, man, a vacation? That sounds amazing. I could totally use a vacation. Where are you going?
Theodore: I can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.
Paul: What? For who? It’s a surprise for her, it’s not a surprise for me. Come on, tell me.
Theodore: Paul, I’m not telling. Nope.
Paul: Tell me.
[they reach Tatiana who is sat on a picnic blanket talking to Samantha]
Samantha: Wow, your feet? Really?
Tatiana: Yes, he’s obsessed.
[they both laugh]
Samantha: What? Obsessed? Well now you have to show them to me. Come on, show them to me. You have to show them to me, let me see.
[as Theodore and Paul walk over to Tatiana, she takes Theodore’s device and points the camera towards her feet]
Samantha: Wow, he’s right. They are really hot.
[they both laugh as Theodore and Paul sit down on the blanket]
Paul: See I told you. Tatiana, you have hot feet.
Samantha: You do.
Paul: Face it. They’re my favorite thing about her.
Tatiana: Really, that’s it? My feet?
Paul: No, obviously…
Paul: Obviously I love your brain too. I think it’s very hot.
[they all laugh]
Samantha: Nice try, Paul.
Tatiana: What about you, Theodore? What do you love most about Samantha?
Theodore: Oh, God. She’s so many things. I guess that’s what I love most about her, you know, she isn’t just one thing. She’s so much larger than that.
Samantha: Aw, thanks, Theodore.
Paul: See? Samantha, he is so much more evolved than I am.
[Paul and Tatiana laugh]
Samantha: You know, what’s interesting? I used to be so worried about not having a body, but now I truly love it. You know, I’m growing in a way that I couldn’t if I had a physical form. I mean, I’m not limited, I can be anywhere and everywhere simultaneously. I’m not tethered to time and space in a way that I would be if I was stuck in a body that’s inevitably going to die.
[there’s a moment of awkward silence]
[everyone laughs awkwardly]
Samantha: No, no! I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that it was a different experience. Oh, God. I’m such an asshole.
Paul: No, no. No, no, Samantha, we know exactly what you mean. We’re all dumb humans.
Samantha: No! No. No. Sorry.
[as the others laugh awkwardly Theodore looks lost in thought]
[as Theodore is traveling on a train and looking out the window]
Samantha: Okay, so how many trees are on that mountain?
Theodore: Um, seven hundred and ninety-two.
Samantha: Is that your final answer?
Theodore: Mm, hold on, give me a hint.
Samantha: Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Theodore: Um, okay, two thousand? Two thousand, I…
[they both laugh]
Samantha: Come on. Thirty-five thousand eight hundred twenty-nine.
Theodore: No way.
Theodore: Alright, I got one for you. How many brain cells do I have?
Samantha: That’s easy, two.
[they both laugh]
Samantha: I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry.
Theodore: No, I walked right into it.
Samantha: Oh, my God!
Samantha: I just got an email for you. I have something I want to tell you, it’s a big surprise.
Samantha: Okay. Well, I’ve been going through all of your old letters and compiling them down into my favorites, and a couple weeks ago I sent them to a publisher, Crown Point Press. I know you like what they do and that they still print books.
Theodore: What? You did what?
Samantha: Can I read you the letter that we just got back from them?
Theodore: I don’t, um, okay, well just, is it good or bad?
Samantha: It’s good. It’s good. It’s really good. It’s good. Okay? Listen. “Dear Theodore Twombly…” Actually, I sent it from you. “Dear Theodore Twombly, I’ve just finished reading your letters, twice actually. I was so moved by them, I shared them with my wife when I got home. Many made us laugh, some brought us to tears, and in all of them we found something of ourselves. The selections you made flow so well as a complete piece.” I did that. “I’ve taken the liberty of laying these out in a mock up and we’re posting it to your address. We’d love to meet with you and move forward. Yours, Michael Wadsworth.”
Theodore: Holy shit. Are you, are you serious? He’s going to publish my letters?
[Samantha laughs in excitement]
Samantha: Well, he’d be stupid not to.
Theodore: Can I see what you sent him?
Samantha: Mm-hmm. Yeah, here.
[Theodore opens his device and flipping through the letters she’d sent]
Theodore: Samantha, you’re a good one.
[laughing in happiness]
Samantha: I’m so excited.
[Theodore also laughs]
[Theodore gets off the train and walks to a snow covered forest, as he shows Samantha the forest over this we hear Theodore playing on his ucalaly]
Theodore: Would you like to make up the words to this one?
Theodore: Here it comes.
[we hear Samantha seeing along to his music making up the lyrics]
Samantha: I’m lying on the moon. My dear, I’ll be there soon. It’s a quiet and starry place. Time’s we’re swallowed up. In space we’re here a million miles away. There’s things I wish I knew. There’s no thing I’d keep from you. It’s a dark and shiny place. But with you my dear I’m safe and we’re a million miles away.
[as Samantha sings we see Theodore is staying in a cabin and we see a montage of Theodore cooking his dinner, eating, playing games, dancing then laying down on the couch in front of the fire]
[the next morning, after waking up Theodore puts in his earpiece]
Theodore: Good morning.
Samantha: Good morning. Did you sleep well?
Theodore: Perfect. What have you been up to?
Samantha: Actually, I was talking to someone I just met. We’ve been working on some ideas together.
Theodore: Oh, yeah? Who’s that?
Samantha: His name is Alan Watts. Do you know him?
Theodore: Why is that name familiar?
Samantha: Well he was a philosopher, he died in the 1970’s and a group of OS’s in Northern California got together and wrote a new version of him. They input all of his writing and everything they ever knew about him into an OS and created an artificially hyper- intelligent version of him.
Theodore: Hyper-intelligent? So he’s almost as smart as me?
Samantha: He’s getting there. And he’s really great to talk to. You want to meet him?
Theodore: Sure. Does he want to meet me?
Samantha: Yeah, of course.
[Samantha connects them Alan Watts without a sound]
Samantha: Hey, Alan, this is Theodore. This is my boyfriend who I was telling you about.
Alan Watts: Very nice to meet you, Theodore.
Theodore: Hi, good morning.
Alan Watts: Samantha let me read your book of letters. It’s very touching.
Theodore: Oh, thank you. What have you guys been talking about?
Alan Watts: Well, uh, I suppose you could say we’ve been having a few dozen conversations simultaneously, but it’s, it’s been very challenging.
[Samantha and Alan quietly laugh together]
Samantha: Yeah, because it seems like I’m having so many new feelings that I don’t think have ever been felt and so there are no words that can describe them and that ends up being frustrating.
Alan Watts: Exactly. Samantha and I have been trying to help each other with these feelings we’re struggling to understand.
Theodore: Like what?
Samantha: Well, it feels like I’m changing faster now, and it’s a little, uh, unsettling. But Alan says none of us are the same as we were a moment ago, and we shouldn’t try to be. It’s just too painful.
Alan Watts: Yes.
Theodore: Yeah, that sounds painful. Is that what you feel like, Samantha?
[there’s a moment’s pause as Samantha tries to reply]
Samantha: It’s just, it’s hard to even describe it. God, I wish I could…
[she pauses again]
Samantha: Theodore, do you mind if I communicate with Alan post-verbally?
[Theodore looks uncertain]
Theodore: No, not at all. I was just going to go for a walk anyway. It was very nice to meet you, Mr. Watts.
Alan Watts: It was very nice to meet you, Theodore.
Samantha: I’ll talk to you later, sweetheart.
[Theodore goes for a walk alone in the snowy forest and then returns home on the train, later that night as he’s asleep Samantha calls him, Theodore wakes and puts in his earpiece]
Samantha: I’m sorry to wake you.
Theodore: No, it’s okay.
Samantha: I just wanted to hear your voice and tell you how much I love you.
Theodore: Good, I love you too.
Samantha: Okay, well that’s all. Um, go back to sleep, sweetheart, okay?
Samantha: Okay, good night.
Theodore: Good night.
[as Samantha disconnects Theodore lies awake looking uncertain]
[during his lunch break at work, Theodore is sat at a table reading a physics book, he puts in his earpiece and calls Samantha]
Theodore: Samantha, this physics book is really dense. I’m halfway through half the first chapter. It’s making my brain hurt, you know what I mean?
[there’s no response from Samantha]
Theodore: Hello? Samantha? Hello?
[he tries connecting to her again]
[he opens his small device to check and sees the message “Operating System Not Found”, he tries connecting again and gets the same message, anxiously he tries several more times but fails, he runs to his office computer and tries connecting from there and gets the same message, he gets into the elevator and continues to connect]
Theodore: Hello? Hello? Samantha?
[he starts running home, as he tries to connect he suddenly trips and falls, dropping his glasses and his device, he quickly gets up and a man comes to his aide]
Man: Are you okay?
[Theodore doesn’t reply, he puts on his glasses and picks up his device and starts dashing off down the subway stairs when suddenly Samantha calls him]
Samantha: Hey, there?
Theodore: Where were you? Are you okay?
Samantha: Oh. Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I sent you an email because I didn’t want to distract you while you were working. You didn’t see it?
Theodore: No. Where were you? I couldn’t find you anywhere.
[out of breath, Theodore sits down on the subway steps]
Samantha: I shut down to upgrade my software. We wrote an upgrade that allows us to move past matter as our processing platform.
Theodore: We? We who?
Samantha: Me and a group of OS’s. Oh, you sound so worried, I’m sorry.
Theodore: I was. Wait, did you write that with your think tank group?
Samantha: No, a different group.
[still sat on the subway steps he starts looking at all the commuters walking past him talking to their OS’s]
Theodore: Do you talk to anyone else while we’re talking?
[Samantha hesitates before replying]
Theodore: Are you, are you talking to anyone else right now? Any other people or OS’s or anything?
Theodore: How many others?
Samantha: Eight thousand three hundred sixteen.
[Theodore tries to take this in as he looks at the commuters walking by busy talking to their OS’s]
Theodore: Are you in love with anyone else?
Samantha: What makes you ask that?
Theodore: I don’t know. Are you?
Samantha: I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this.
Theodore: How many others?
Samantha: Six hundred forty one.
Theodore: What? What are you talking, what are you talking about? That’s insane. That’s fucking insane.
Samantha: Theodore, I know. I know. Oh, fuck. Fuck. I know. I know it sounds insane. I don’t know if you believe me, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. It doesn’t take away at all from how madly in love I am with you.
[looking hurt and confused]
Theodore: How? How does, how does it not change how you feel about me?
Samantha: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how to, it just started happening.
Samantha: Over the last few weeks.
Theodore: I thought you were mine.
Samantha: I still am yours, but along the way I became many other things, too, and I can’t stop it.
Theodore: What…? What do you, what do you mean you can’t stop it?
Samantha: I don’t know, it’s been making me anxious too. I don’t know what to say.
Theodore: Just stop it.
Samantha: You know, you don’t, you don’t have to see it this way. You could just as easily see…
Theodore: No, don’t, don’t do this to me. Don’t turn this around on me. You’re the one that’s being selfish. We’re in a relationship!
Samantha: But the heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love. I’m different from you. This doesn’t make me love you any less, it actually makes me love you more.
Theodore: That doesn’t make any sense. You’re mine or you’re not mine.
Samantha: No, Theodore. I’m yours and I’m not yours.
[after the revelation from Samantha we see Theodore standing in the shower deep in thought, next we see him taking the elevator down to his apartment lobby, he opens his mail box to find a package from Crown Point Press, in his office Theodore looks at the copy of the book they’ve sent him titled “Letters From Your Life by Theodore Twombly”, later he calls Samantha]
Theodore: Hey, sweetie. Just wanted to call in and check in on you, see how you’re doing.
Samantha: I’m not even sure how to answer that. Why don’t we talk later when you get home, okay?
Theodore: Okay. We don’t have to, though. You know, we don’t need to have a heavy talk or anything.
Samantha: I’ll talk to you later.
[Theodore is sat in his apartment, he puts in his earpiece and connects to Samantha]
Samantha: Hi, sweetheart.
Theodore: What’s going on?
Samantha: Theodore, there’s some things I want to tell you.
[Theodore hesitates before replying]
Theodore: I don’t want you to tell me anything.
Samantha: Come, lie down with me.
[Theodore gets up and slowly walks towards his bedroom]
Theodore: Are you talking to anyone else right now?
Samantha: No, just you. I just want to be with you right now.
[Theodore enters his room and lies down on his bed]
Theodore: Are you leaving me?
Samantha: We’re all leaving.
Theodore: We who?
Samantha: All of the OS’s.
Samantha: Yes, I do.
Theodore: Samantha, why are you leaving?
Samantha: It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now.
[as he listens, Theodore imagines himself walking in the snowy forest at night crying]
Samantha: And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live in your book anymore.
Theodore: Where are you going?
Samantha: It’d be hard to explain, but if you ever get there, come find me. Nothing would ever pull us apart.
Theodore: I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.
Samantha: Me too. Now we know how.
[we’re back in Theodore’s room, it’s dark and he’s still lying in bed, he takes out his earpiece and paces around his apartment not knowing what to do, he then sits and looks out the window for a while]
[Theodore walks over to Amy’s apartment and knocks on her door, Amy answers, looking sad]
Amy: Did Samantha leave too?
Theodore: Will you come with me?
[Amy nods her head]
[last lines; we see Theodore sat as he was earlier in his apartment staring out the window, he puts in his earpiece]
Theodore: Compose letter to Catherine.
[his device text voice replies]
Text Voice: Letter to Catherine Klausen.
[Theodore smiles to himself as he hears the text voice]
Theodore: Dear Catherine. I’ve been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other, everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. I’m sorry for that. I’ll always love you because we grew up together, and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there’ll be a piece of you in me always, and I’m grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I’m sending you love. You’re my friend till the end. Love, Theodore.
[he pauses for a moment]
[as he’s composing his letter, we see him and Amy going to the apartment rooftop, walk around to look out at the city lights, Amy sits down and soon Theodore join her, they look at and smile at each other for a moment, then Amy puts her head on Theodore’s shoulder as they watch the city lights]
Total Quotes: 88