Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Morgan Freeman, Frank Grillo, Richard E. Grant, Caroline Goodall, Rebecca Front, Gabriella Wright, Alice McMillan, Kristofer Kamiyasu, Tom Hopper, Blake Ritson
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Action comedy sequel directed by Patrick Hughes. Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (2021) follows bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) and hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) as they continue their odd couple friendship. Still unlicensed and under scrutiny, Bryce is forced into action by Darius’s volatile wife, the infamous international con artist Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek). As Bryce is driven over the edge by his two most dangerous protectees, the trio get in over their heads in a global plot and soon find that they are all that stand between Europe and a vengeful and powerful madman (Antonio Banderas).
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Our Favorite Quote:'When you lose everything, you got nothing left to lose.' - Michael Bryce (Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard) Click To Tweet
Therapist: And how often do you have this dream?
Michael Bryce: Just once.
Therapist: Oh. Well, that’s not too…
Michael Bryce: A night.
Michael Bryce: Mostly when I’m asleep.
Therapist: Darius Kincaid, is he a relative of yours?
Michael Bryce: God, no! He’s a hitman, wanted for like a gazillion murders around the world. Even took a bullet for him. Bodyguarding committee, they wouldn’t recognize it. Apparently they don’t take kindly to protecting sociopaths.
Therapist: To deal with the future, we sometimes have to deal with the past. Quite often validation issues stem from a disapproving father.
Michael Bryce: I don’t have validation issues. I have a licensing issue. I am bodyguard without a license. That’s like being a belly dancer without a torso.
Therapist: I’m thinking, you need to forget bodyguarding for a while. And find happiness within.
Michael Bryce: Within what?
Therapist: Within yourself. Happiness in who you are.
Therapist: Well, first things first. I think all the guns and violence are weighing on your soul. So you need to get away, and clear your mind, and then, you can find your future self.
Michael Bryce: Wait, like a cool futuristic bodyguard with super powers?
Therapist: No. Will you stop? Stop thinking about bodyguarding.
Michael Bryce: No Tuscany. Anything but Tuscany.
Therapist: Okay. Capri then?
Michael Bryce: Capri? Like the pants?
Therapist: [to Bryce] Just you and your future self finding happiness within, the only two people that you need to be protecting right now.
Michael Bryce: [voice mail] Hello, you’ve reached Michael Bryce. Please leave a message, and have a triple A day.
Michael Bryce: [leaving himself a message] Hey there, future Michael. It’s today Michael. I’m not great at first impressions, I just want to say that I think you’d be proud to know that I graduated therapy. I’m officially on sabbatical, and to be honest I don’t know why I didn’t do this sooner. It’s only been twelve hours, but already the world feels more abundant. As if somehow, it’s been waiting for me to make this change.
Sonia Kincaid: The Mafia took my husband. We have to go get him.
Michael Bryce: No, no, no. I’m not getting involved in this. I’m under strict psychological orders.
Michael Bryce: Hold on a second. Finally Darius isn’t haunting my dreams.
Sonia Kincaid: [she slaps Bryce] If you don’t help me, I am going to put my strapon, and I’m going to f*** your dreams until they wish they were your nightmares.
Sonia Kincaid: We’re trying to have a baby!
Michael Bryce: May God have mercy on our souls.
Sonia Kincaid: We have f***ed so hard, and so tenderly. And in so many different places, positions, and I just haven’t gotten pregnant. You know what I think the problem is?
Michael Bryce: Biology.
Sonia Kincaid: I’m going to be such a good mother.
Michael Bryce: I can’t imagine anyone gooder.
Michael Bryce: [to the weapon dealer] Do you have pepper spray? I’m on sabbatical.
Bobby O’Neill: Listen, I have been in Europe for a month, okay? And the only thing you people do is watch f***ing soccer. Not one bar carries Sam Adams. So the least you could do is let me do what we do in Boston, okay? You work with the bad guys to get the worse guys.
Bobby O’Neill: What do they call you?
Bobby O’Neill: A** hole?
Ailso: Ailso. Traditional Scottish name.
Bobby O’Neill: Alright, William Wallace, warm up the chop. We’re going to Italy.
Michael Bryce: He asked for me. He needs me. So we’re going to do this my way. That means, no killing, no guns, and no blood. Boring, is always best. Understood?
[turns around to see Sonia gone]
Michael Bryce: Of course not. What?
Michael Bryce: What have you done?
Sonia Kincaid: These f***ers got a little bit too fresh.
Michael Bryce: I specifically said, no killing, no blood, and no guns.
Sonia Kincaid: I am not on sabbatical.
Darius Kincaid: Hang on. What is he doing here?
Michael Bryce: I believe it’s pronounced “thank you”.
Darius Kincaid: For what?
Michael Bryce: For saving your life, again, and again, and again.
Darius Kincaid: I never asked you to save s**t!
Darius Kincaid: Baby! What in the absolute f*** is Michael Bryce doing here?
Sonia Kincaid: You said, “Baby, get me Michael Bryce!”
Darius Kincaid: What?! No! No, no, no, no, no! I said, “Baby I need help. Get anyone but Michael Bryce!”
Sonia Kincaid: What?
Darius Kincaid: [quietly to Sonia] He is the most annoying m**herf***er on planet earth.
Michael Bryce: Excuse me! I have twenty-twenty hearing. I can hear you. The dead guys can hear you! And what do you mean I’m the most annoying m**herf***er on planet earth? How many times have you nearly got me killed?
Darius Kincaid: Not enough! Come on, baby. Let’s get out of here before he starts the in-flight safety demonstration.
Darius Kincaid: Are you using pepper spray?
Michael Bryce: I’m on sabbatical. And trying to find my spiritual me awake.
Michael Bryce: I didn’t have to be here, you know! I had fresh cucumbers on my eyes. I had a linen rope with an insanely high thread count, it was like sleeping in the cloud!
Darius Kincaid: Namaste m**herf***er.
Bobby O’Neill: The hitman, the bodyguard, and the con woman.
Michael Bryce: Listen. First off, I’m happy to postpone my sabbatical, if it’s going to keep me out of jail. But I think, you know, you should really reconsider working with these guys. Because they are, you know, f***ing crazy.
Bobby O’Neill: Do not f*** this up.
Michael Bryce: Oh, we are definitely going to f*** this up. I mean, look at the two people you are saddling me with.
Bobby O’Neill: Get your a**es to Portofino.
Michael Bryce: Zero chance of making it out of this room. You may as well hire a brain damaged kidney.
Sonia Kincaid: I understand some people get cold feet on their wedding day. But I would have never thought that you’d get cold d**k on our honeymoon night.
Michael Bryce: Now is a good time to talk about seat belt rule.
Darius Kincaid: Perhaps now is a good time to talk about the “shut the f*** up” rule.
Michael Bryce: I’m just saying it because she’s driving like a crash test dummy.
Darius Kincaid: Do not criticize my wife’s driving, m**herf***er!
Michael Bryce: You lied to her back there. You weren’t on a job.
Darius Kincaid: And how would you know that?
Michael Bryce: Because, there’s like twenty-two body indications when somebody lies, and you exhibited forty.