Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Jack Whitehall, Édgar Ramírez, Jesse Plemons, Paul Giamatti
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Family adventure directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, based on the Disney theme park attraction of the same name. Set during the early 20th century, Jungle Cruise (2021) centers on riverboat captain, Frank (Dwayne Johnson), who takes scientist, Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt), and her brother, McGregor (Jack Whitehall), on a mission into a jungle to find the Tree of Life, which is believed to possess healing powers. All the while, the trio must fight against dangerous wild animals and a competing German expedition.
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Our Favorite Quote:'If you're lucky enough to have one person in this life to care about, then that's world enough for me.' - Frank Wolff (Jungle Cruise) Click To Tweet
MacGregor Houghton: All legends are born in truth. From the Amazon came the legend of the Tears of the Moon. A single petal from the great Tree could cure any illness and break any curse.
MacGregor Houghton: [reading from the card] I have come here today to request access to your exclusive archives, including an ancient Arrowhead recently recovered from the lost expedition of Dr. Albert Falls. The Arrowhead represents the missing piece that will finally unlock the location of, pause for dramatic effect, The Tears of the Moon.”
Sir James Hobbs-Coddington: And you made your request, Mr. Houghton, and the answer remains, emphatically, no.
Sir James Hobbs-Coddington: Mr. Houghton, we granted you an audience in deference to your late father. This, however, seems remarkably like a paper I had the honor of refusing when it was submitted by a female writer. A Dr. Lily Houghton. No relation, I take it?
MacGregor Houghton: None that I’ve ever agreed to.
MacGregor Houghton: You think you’re the first to eject me? I have been turned out of some of the best clubs in Europe!
MacGregor Houghton: [to Lily] Breaking and entering. Grand larceny. And worst of all, forced to take public transport. Should I be concerned about you?
Lily Houghton: This is a petal that could heal all, save countless lives, change the world. Haven’t you been dreaming about another adventure?
MacGregor Houghton: If I wanted to go to a primitive backwater where I can’t understand a word anyone’s saying, I’d visit our relatives in Scotland.
Lily Houghton: You can just stay here. Don’t worry about me. All alone, in the Amazon.
MacGregor Houghton: But who’d look after you?
Lily Houghton: [sarcastically] Well, I have no idea.
Frank Wolff: First of all, let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of skipper. Of all the jungle cruises you could take in the Amazon, this one is undoubtedly the cheapest. But also the most thrilling.
Frank Wolff: Where were we?
Boat Tourist: About to die.
Frank Wolff: If you look to the left of the boat, you’ll see some very playful toucans. They’re playing their favorite game of beak-wrestling. The only drawback is, only two can play. There’s two birds, and those are toucans. I’m saying that only “two can” play. Not one, but “two can” play.
Frank Wolff: You know, before this, I used to work in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me too. That’s a good one. I should’ve opened with that one.
Frank Wolff: You know, they say the boa constrictor right there is capable of eating up to five hundred pounds per sitting. Personally, I find that very hard to swallow.
Kid Tourist: Mommy, can you please make him stop?
Frank Wolff: No one can. And don’t interrupt me like that again. I will feed you to the boa.
Boat Tourist: She is a small child.
Frank Wolff: He loves small children. Close your mouth.
Frank Wolff: Know this about the jungle, everything that you see wants to kill you. And can.
Frank Wolff: Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the eighth Wonder of the World. Wait for it. The backside of water!
Boat Tourist: It looks just like the front side.
Frank Wolff: It’s completely different. It’s the eighth Wonder of the World, the backside of water.
Frank Wolff: Alright, listen up. I get paid by the number of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back.
Frank Wolff: Well, folks, you were all outstanding today, now I need you all out, standing on the dock. That means “get off my boat”. I’m only serious.
Frank Wolff: Make sure you take care of Zaqueu, he’s a good kid. He looks ten, but he’s secretly forty-seven.
MacGregor Houghton: [as they enter a bar] Ugh, what fresh hell is this?
Lily Houghton: Oh, I love it!
Lily Houghton: My name is Dr. Lily Houghton, and my brother and I are looking for passage upriver, and I’m told that you are the man for the job.
Frank Wolff: You were told wrong.
Lily Houghton: That’s impossible, because you come highly recommended.
Frank Wolff: I have an idea. Please go away.
Lily Houghton: Mr. Nilo, your name is plastered all over the boats outside. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.
Frank Wolff: You’re the one trying to break down my door.
Lily Houghton: I have a lot of money.
[Frank immediately opens the door]
Frank Wolff: You’re wearing pants.
Lily Houghton: Trousers. And yes, as are you.
Frank Wolff: Do women in England do that now?
Lily Houghton: Well, we’re not in England, last time I checked.
Nilo’s Parrot: Frank owes me money. Frank owes me money. Frank owes me money.
Frank Wolff: Can I get you a drink?
Lily Houghton: Who’s Frank?
Frank Wolff: I have no idea.
Frank Wolff: Well, if it’s on the Amazon River, I know it. And, lady, I could tell you, of all the places in the world you can go, the last place you want to go is Lágrimas de Cristal.
Lily Houghton: Oh, but I do. And I will.
Frank Wolff: Oh, but you won’t, Pants. You can’t get there. Nobody can get there. And if they could, they wouldn’t. It’s not a fun vacation.
Lily Houghton: Well, I’m not here for a vacation.
Frank Wolff: Ten thousand to bring you there alive. If I have to bring you back dead, it’s fifteen thousand.
Lily Houghton: Why should I pay more dead?
Frank Wolff: Dead, I’d have to carry you. Dead’s a lot harder, lady.
Frank Wolff: I get paid in full when we turn back before Lágrimas de Cristal.
Lily Houghton: Why ever would we be turning back?
Frank Wolff: Well, you’re going to beg me to turn back, first sign of the rapids.
Lily Houghton: Well, I look forward to disappointing you.
Nilo: Enjoying your meal, Frank?
Lily Houghton: As in, “Frank owes me money”, Frank? Of course. It’s all making perfect sense. I suppose it’s only a scam if you fall for it. Well, thank you, Mr. Frank. I hope we never meet again.
Nilo: [to Lily, referring to Frank] Signorina, he could not get you as far as the outhouse. In fact, his boat kind of looks like an outhouse.
Frank Wolff: [referring to the tiger] Careful. They can smell fear.
Lily Houghton: I am not afraid.
MacGregor Houghton: Might be me. Warm, liquid fear.
MacGregor Houghton: [as the tiger roars at them] A little bit more fear just came out.
Lily Houghton: Shut up!
Lily Houghton: [to Frank] You are a lot of things that I don’t really care for. But you are capable.