Licorice Pizza (2021) Best Movie Quotes

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Starring: Cooper Hoffman, Alana Haim, Bradley Cooper, Benny Safdie, Maya Rudolph, Ben Stiller, John C. Reilly, Sean Penn, Tom Waits

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Coming of age comedy drama written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. Set in 1970s San Fernando Valley, Licorice Pizza (2021) follows teenagers Gary Valentine (Cooper Hoffman), who is also an aspiring actor, and Alana Kane (Alana Haim), as they are growing up and falling in love in the Valley.

Our Favorite Quotes:

'There's no gas-o in the goddamn car-o, Steve-o!' - Jon Peters (Licorice Pizza) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

Gary: Dinner tonight?
Alana: Are you asking me out?
Gary: Yes.
Alana: I’m not going on a date with you. You’re twelve.
Gary: You’re funny. I’m fifteen.

Gary: How old are you?
Alana: You’re not supposed to ask that. You’re not supposed to ask a girl how old she is. Annoying.
Gary: You’re right, it doesn’t matter to me.

Alana: I’m not going on a date with you, man. You’re fifteen.
Gary: “Man”. I like that.
Alana: “Kid”, how about that?
Gary: I’m not going on a date with you, kid. You’re fifteen.

Gary: I’m not trying to pressure you.
Alana: You are pressuring me. You are. That’s what you’re doing.
Gary: If you want to come and say hello, if it’s convenient within your plans, I’d love to see you.
Alana: “Convenient within my plans”?

Gary: I’ve been right here the whole time. I get this feeling I was meant to know you, Alana.
Alana: You know I’m twenty-five, right? I can be your friend, but I can’t be your girlfriend. That’s illegal.
Gary: You give me hope. This is fate that brought us together. This is fate.

Gary: How have I never seen you before? How have we never met?
Alana: Stop talking so much, slimy. We’ll see. I doubt it, but we’ll see.

Alana: Now I got to get back to work, and you have to get back to class.
Gary: Stop using time as an excuse, Alana. Our roads took us here.
Alana: Stop sounding like a philosophy guy, Albert Einstein. Maybe I’ll see you later. I’m not going to see you later!

Gary: I met the girl I’m going to marry one day, Greg.
Greg: Oh, yeah?
Gary: And you’re going to be my best man.

Alana: Stop.
Gary: What?
Alana: I can hear you breathing. Stop.
Gary: Breathing?
Alana: Yes.

Alana: So how did you become such a hotshot actor?
Gary: I’m a showman. It’s my calling. I don’t know how to do anything else. It’s what I’m meant to do. I mean, ever since I was a kid, I’ve been a song and dance man.
Alana: Come on. Ever since you were a kid? Song and dance man?

Alana: You’re sweet, Gary. You’re going to be rich in a mansion by the time you’re sixteen. I’m going to be here taking photos of kids for their yearbooks when I’m thirty. You’re never going to remember me.
Gary: I’m not going to forget you. Just like you’re not going to forget me.

Alana: We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend. Remember that. We’re, you know.
Gary: I know.

Lance Brannigan: [referring to Alana] Wow, super hot chaperone, Gar. Nice one.
Gary: That’s my friend, don’t think about that.
Lance Brannigan: Oh, man, are you kidding? My mind’s racing, doing circles around that track.

'Do you like peanut butter sandwiches?' - Jon Peters (Licorice Pizza) Click To Tweet

Gary: How you doing?
Vic the Director: Good. Divorced, but losing weight, so.

Gary: “My face is a pimply mess, and I don’t know what to do.”
Vic the Director: Cut. Fantabulous! You still got it, man.

Moti: Are you ready to do a berakhah on the challah?
Lance Brannigan: Oh, wow, thank you. However, I must respectfully refuse. I’m an atheist.
Alana: You’re Jewish.
Lance Brannigan: Well, you’re certainly right. I was born into Judaism. But my personal path has led me to atheism. You see, I just can’t believe there’s a God when I see all the suffering in the world. Vietnam, you know? So, with all due respect, no, sir. I can’t do the blessing, but thank you.

Alana: What does your p**is look like?
Lance Brannigan: What?
Alana: What does your p**is look like?
Lance Brannigan: Like a regular p**is, I guess.
Alana: Is it circumcised?
Lance Brannigan: Yeah.
Alana: Then you’re a f***ing Jew!

Alana: [as they’re arguing] What are you doing? What are you thinking, huh? “I’m Este. I work for Mom and Dad. I’m perfect. I’m a real estate agent. Alana doesn’t have her life together. Alana brings home stupid boyfriends all the time.”
Este: I mean…
Alana: I knew it. I knew that was what you were thinking. You’re always thinking things, you thinker. You thinker! You think things!

'Is this lines, or is this real?' - Alana (Licorice Pizza) Click To Tweet

Alana: Got to stop fighting with everyone all the time.
Danielle: Oh, f*** off, Danielle!

Mr. Jack: Nobody’s going to sleep on mattresses anymore. That’s old hat, Jack. That’s for squares.

Kirk: I have my dad’s pipe. So, we should give your customers some weed to help sell waterbeds.
Gary: Yeah, that is actually a good idea.

Gary: Is your bottom soggy? Having trouble sleeping?
Alana: Well, now that you mention it…
Gary: Boyfriend trouble?
Alana: No boyfriend. So I don’t really have trouble.

'Things come easily when they matter so much.' - Alana (Licorice Pizza) Click To Tweet

Alana: F*** off, teenagers!

Cop: [to Gary] You’re going to jail, big boy. You’re going to jail for murder. Have fun in Attica, d**khead.

Alana: Hey, “Soggy Bottom” sounds like someone s**t their pants.

Alana: That’s only funny to you guys. But when someone wants to buy a bed, they don’t want to think about s**tting, or s**tty diapers, or s**t in pants.
Gary: Well, the bed’s not just for sleeping, Alana.
Alana: Well, if it’s not just for sleeping, I think you mean it’s for sex. Soggy Bottom isn’t making anyone hot or horny.
Gary: It doesn’t make you hot?
Alana: No.

Jerry Frick: [in fake Japanese accent] Kimiko, what you think of this waterbed?
Alana: [as Kimiko replies in Japanese] What did she just say?
Jerry Frick: It’s hard to tell, I don’t speak Japanese.

Alana: I’m partners with Gary now.
Frisbee Kahill: Oh, the Hand Man. Did he try and get a hand job from you?
Alana: Yeah, he’s asking all the time.
Frisbee Kahill: Good. I’ll pass the baton off to you.

See more Licorice Pizza Quotes

Alana: [over phone] I know you’re going to love our wet beds. You know what they come with?
Waterbed Ted: What’s that?
Alana: A wood headboard. And that wood is strong and sticks straight up against the wall.
Waterbed Ted: That sounds great.
Gary: [to Alana] We don’t have wood headboards.

Gary: What are you doing? We don’t have beds.
Alana: Well, we better get some, because water in a plastic bag is a water balloon. With a frame, it’s a bed.

Gary: I wrote good dialogue. You’re improvising too much.
Alana: You told me to make it more sexy.
Gary: I told you to make it more sexy. I didn’t tell you, “Go over to the guy’s house and get in his bed.”

Gary: [to Alana, referring to Jancie, his agent] I’m just saying that if she asks you if you can do something that you might not know how to do, just say yes. Because you can always learn how to do something once you get the part. So just say yes to whatever she asks. Whatever she asks, just say yes.

Alana: I studied Krav Maga.
Janice: Well, I don’t know what that is. What is “Quick Draw McGraw”?
Alana: It’s martial arts from Israel. It’s used in combat. My dad was in the Israeli Army. We all know it.
Janice: So it’s a form of karate, let’s say?
Alana: It’s more like, “How to use a pen to stab someone’s eye out.”

Janice: [to Alana] You come here trying to be all pretty for me, but really, you remind me of a dog. Of an English pit bull dog, with sex appeal, and a very Jewish nose.

Gary: So you’d be naked in a movie, but you wouldn’t make out with me? You’d show the whole world your boobs, but I’m not allowed to see?
Alana: You told me to say yes to everything, remember?
Gary: I told you to say no to that, Alana.
Alana: Well, I didn’t know what to say!
Gary: Say, “No!”

Gary: We’re friends, Alana. And you’d do it in a movie, you’d show your boobs in a movie, but you wouldn’t show them to me!
Alana: Why won’t you ask someone your age to see their boobs?
Gary: Because I’m asking you!

Gary: [as Alana reveals her boobs] Can I touch them?
Alana: [slaps him] No. If you ever say anything to anyone, I’m never speaking to you ever again. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Alana: Do you think it’s weird I hang out with Gary and his friends all the time?
Danielle: No.
Alana: I think it’s weird.
Danielle: It is whatever you think it is.
Alana: I think it’s weird that I hang out with Gary and his fifteen year-old friends all
the time.

Sue Pomerantz: [referring to Alana] Is that your girlfriend?
Gary: No, that is not my girlfriend. Does it seem like she’s my girlfriend?
Sue Pomerantz: Kind of.
Gary: No. I mean, no. She works for me. She used to be my babysitter.

Jack Holden: You know, you remind me of Grace.
Alana: Kelly?

Jack Holden: The jungle. That’s where I’m most myself. Not this jungle. Africa.
Alana: Oh. Yes, Africa.
Jack Holden: I saw two of my best Black friends beheaded in the Congo. I’ll tell you intimacies I’ve shared with no one. But don’t ask me about Kuala Lumpur.
Alana: Is this lines, or is this real?
Jack Holden: You’re such a delicate creature. You are Rainbow.
Alana: I’m Jewish.

Rex Blau: Jack goddamn Holden. Bang!
Jack Holden: You son of a b**ch from hell, get over here.
Rex Blau: You shiny, golden, tall, inexpensive p**ck!

Rex Blau: [to Alana] Have you ever seen him on a bike?
Jack Holden: I see it spin.
Rex Blau: Good.
Jack Holden: I know you know I knew, and know I do.

Rex Blau: Armand, I need three wing-back chairs from the bar. I need a bottle of Everclear. I need plenty of grease from the kitchen. And I want you to meet me on the eighth hole by the sand trap, dos minutos. Pronto. Apurarse. We’re burning daylight!

Jack Holden: “The Bridges span a narrow gap between two targets. They’re the most important targets in all of Korea. Consequently, they’re fortified accordingly. Although we’re only over the targets thirty seconds, it’s a lifetime.”
Alana: We’re going to Korea? I don’t understand. But I’m sexy, right?

Jack Holden: [as he’s about to perform his stunt] I’m coming, Nancy!

Alana: [as there’s a fuel crisis] The beds are made from vinyl, Gary. Vinyl is made from oil.
Gary: It is?
Alana: F***ing duh. What did you think it was made out of? Gold?
Gary: I don’t know. I thought it was…
Alana: What? Magic?
Gary: I thought it was like a scientific fabric. I thought it was like a rubber.
Alana: Which is also made out of oil, dips**t.

Gary: It’s the end of the world, Greggo!

Jon Peters: Do you know who I am?
Gary: Yeah.
Jon Peters: Do you know who my girlfriend is?
Gary: Barbara Streisand?
Jon Peters: Barbara Streisand.
Gary: Sand?
Jon Peters: Sand. Yeah, Like sands. Like the ocean. Like beaches.
Gary: Barbara Streisand?
Jon Peters: No. Streisand.
Gary: Sand.

Jon Peters: How big is your p**is hole?
Gary: It’s regular sized.
Jon Peters: How would you know?

Jon Peters: [to Gary] You have a tincture in your left eye. It means that you’re deficient in vitamin K. I’m like a f***ing doctor. You need to take more vitamin D and cod liver oil.

Jon Peters: You see that Daytona Ferrari?
Gary: Yeah.
Jon Peters: Yeah, that’s mine. Gary, that’s filled with gas. That’s going to get me to the movies on time. Because I’m not a s**thead idiot f***-up. I’m Jon Peters. My only problem in life is that I love tail too much. I love it. I love it so much. I love it so much.

Jon Peters: You like Barbra Streisand?
Gary: Yeah.
Jon Peters: You do? Do you?
Gary: Yeah.
Jon Peters: I do too. Gets boring, but, you know.

Jon Peters: [to Gary] I’m going to kill you and your family if you f*** up my house.

Jon Peters: It’s a pleasure to meet you, Gary. I want you to be horrified. Your life’s on the line. But you know from that, right? It’s the way of the streets.

Gary: [referring to Peters] “I’m going to choke your brother.” I kept it inside, but what I wanted to say was, “No, I’m going to choke you.”
Alana: Oh, yeah?
Gary: I would’ve said it. I was trying to stay cool though.

Jon Peters: There’s no gas-o in the goddamn car-o, Steve-o!

Alana: [referring to her and Gary] We’re not together.
Jon Peters: Why not?
Gary: I don’t know.
Alana: I’m twenty-eight.
Jon Peters: What’s that?
Alana: I’m twenty-five.

Jon Peters: [referring to Alana’s dad] Did he teach you how to drive? You’re really good at it.
Alana: Thanks.
Jon Peters: Yeah. It’s not easy. Gary can’t do it.

Jon Peters: F***ing Chumash Territory!

Jon Peters: Yeah, m**herf***er, that’s right. It’s my nozzle now.

Jon Peters: [to the young women] Do you like peanut butter sandwiches?

Alana: You know, we spent the day with a great man who’s really trying to make a change on how this city runs, and the only thing you f***ing heard was, “Pinball machines are about to be legal.”
Gary: I heard other things too.

Alana: I’m cooler than you. Don’t forget it.
Gary: I don’t need you to tell me whether I’m cool or not, old lady.
Alana: What was that?
Gary: I said “milady”.
Alana: What was that then?
Gary: I said “milady”.

Gary: I don’t need you to tell me whether I’m cool or not.
Alana: You’re not cool. And your breath smells.
Gary: Says you. And you’re old.

Alana: Who thinks you’re cool, Gary? Your waterbed fans? Sue, Kirk, and Mark?
Gary: I hang out with more people than that.
Alana: You don’t even know what’s going on in the world. You think that the world revolves around Gary Valentine, and whatever stupid s**t you come up with.
Gary: It does.
Alana: It doesn’t.
Gary: It does.
Alana: It doesn’t. It’s about more.

Gary: Alana, you would still be taking pictures at my high school of children if it wasn’t for me.
Alana: You’re talking about pinball machines. I’m a politician. I need to get my life together.
Gary: So get it together.

Alana: [over phone] Danielle, I’m eliminating state property tax for the elderly, and saving the mountains, and you’re talking about free Pepsi.

Alana: Things come easily when they matter so much.

Matthew: [to Wachs, as Alan watches them argue] Is that your campaign slogan? “Everything is going to be fine as long as no one finds out who I really am.”

Matthew: [as Alana walks him home] Do you have a boyfriend?
Alana: Yes and no. I don’t know.
Matthew: Is he a s**t?
Alana: Yeah. Yeah.
Matthew: They’re all s**ts, aren’t they?

Matthew: [after Alana embraces him] You have a very powerful feeling.

Gary: Everyone, everyone! May I have your attention, please? Let me introduce to you, Mrs. Alana Valentine.
Alana: Idiot.
Gary: [after he kisses her] Hi.
Alana: Hi.

Alana: I love you, Gary.

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