Netflix’s Love, Guaranteed Best Quotes

Starring: Rachael Leigh Cook, Damon Wayans Jr., Heather Graham, Caitlin Howden, Brendan Taylor, Sebastian Billingsley-Rodriguez, Sean Amsing, Lisa Durupt, Alvin Sanders

OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆

Story:

Netflix’s romantic comedy directed by Mark Steven Johnson. The story follows hard-working lawyer, Susan (Rachael Leigh Cook), who to save her small law firm, takes a high-paying, high-profile case from Nick (Damon Wayans Jr.), a charming new client who wants to sue a dating website that guarantees users will find love. But as the case heats up, so do Susan and Nick’s feelings for each other, which could jeopardize everything.

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Our Favorite Quotes:

'We can't always do what we want. Sometimes we need to do what's right.' - Susan (Love, Guaranteed) Click To Tweet 'Love is unpredictable. And it can burn you. But it can also surprise you in the most remarkable ways.' - Nick (Love, Guaranteed) Click To Tweet 'It's an amazing thing when you find someone who gets you, and you get them in return. Even when they're right and you're wrong.' - Nick (Love, Guaranteed) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

[first lines; practicing in front of the mirror]
Susan: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client demands that the scales of justice be tipped in his favor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it is time to rip off the blindfold and let justice see.
[we hear the toilet flushing]
Bailiff: Sorry, honey, you were really on a roll, but I got court in ten, so. I am liking that second version.
Susan: Thanks! I should use the basement ladies room more often.
Bailiff: It’s where all the magic happens.

[after running into Nick at the coffee stand]
Nick: You know it’s a scam, right?
Susan: What?
Nick: Pumpkin spice latte. No pumpkin in it. Just pumpkin flavoring. Every fall, the coffee industry acts like some bountiful pumpkin harvest just came in, so they can peddle their drinks to the masses. You’re drinking a lie.
Susan: Why are you still talking to me?
Nick: I don’t know. We’re walking in the same direction? Better to make conversation than have awkward silence, right?
Susan: This is neither. This is an awkward conversation.
Nick: Well, then it’s both.

[as Nick continues to follow her to her office building]
Susan: Can I help you with something?
Nick: The door? I have a 9 AM appointment.
Susan: Welcome to Whitaker and Associates.

Susan: Where’s the water cooler going?
Denise: The wave was part celebration, part smoke screen.
Roberto: Turns out, pro bono is Latin for tap water. If you’re going to work for free, I have to make budget cuts.

Susan: So, how can I help you, Mr. Evans?
Nick: I need a lawyer. And you have a reputation of being one of the classiest bus bench lawyers in town.
Susan: Never done a bus bench ad.
Nick: Oh, I’m sorry. What is it? Is it ambulance chaser? Is that what it’s called?
Susan: Civil litigator works fine.

Nick: I want to sue Love Guaranteed.
Susan: The dating website?
Nick: Mm-hmm.
Susan: Okay. Were you threatened on a date? Stalked? Harmed?
Nick: Worse. I’m a victim of fraud.
Susan: Sorry?
Nick: Love Guaranteed is robbing people of twenty-nine ninety-nine a month with their slogan, “You’ll find love, guaranteed.” Well, I’ve been on nine hundred and eighty-six dates, and not one of them has provided me love.
Susan: Nine hundred and eighty-six dates with actual human women?
Nick: Yes.

Nick: The user agreement fine print states that a subscriber must go on one thousand different dates for the guarantee to apply. Their lawyers clearly thought no one would go through with it. But I did! Well, home stretch anyways. I got like a dozen to go.
Susan: Yeah, I’m just still a little in the weeds on this whole nine hundred and eighty-six dates of it all. How is that even possible?
Nick: It’s a great question. Uh, breakfast, lunch, and dinner dates. That’s how I do it.
Susan: Okay.
Nick: Guy’s got to eat, right?
Susan: Did it ever occur to you that maybe love was never found because no woman wants to hear, “Guy’s got to eat, right?”
Nick: I’m not saying it at the date. I’m not like, “Hey, guy’s got to eat.” I’m not doing that. That’s not what I’m doing. I’m thinking it in my head.

Nick: Look, the point is, I have a case. Okay, a winnable case.
Susan: I didn’t pass the bar yesterday. I know what this is.
Nick: What is it?
Susan: This is a classic “gotcha” lawsuit. Find a loophole, take the easy cash.
Nick: Think what you want, but Love Guaranteed is profiting off the lonely souls of the world. It is not right. It is a reckless endangerment of the human heart, and I will not stand for it.
Susan: [chuckles] The human heart! Right. It’s good.

Roberto: Someone looks like they could use a cocktail.
Susan: It’s 9:15.
Denise: Never stopped me.

Susan: Is our goldfish okay?
Roberto: He’s sleeping.
[Susan walks back to her office and slams the door]
Denise: He’s sleeping?
Roberto: She can read me like a book.

[referring to her pregnancy]
Melanie: Where’s my glowing? You know, I was promised glowing.
Susan: You look great.
Melanie: I’m fat.
Susan: But you’re the really good kind of fat, you know? Like a little avocado.

Melanie: Excuse me while I drop my decaf in slow motion. A dating site?
Susan: It’s for a case.
Melanie: Wow, you are so taking this case.
Susan: No, he’s the client.
Melanie: A hot client.
Susan: Gross client.
Melanie: Hot gross client.
Susan: Obnoxious, gross, hot only to a certain desperate kind of woman, who is not me, still perspective client.

Susan: My brother-in-law might be an actual saint.
Melanie: Saint Gideon did not miraculously fall from the sky like frozen airplane toilet water. You know how we met.
Susan: Yes, I know. Online dating.

Susan: Can you believe this guy’s been on almost a thousand dates?
Melanie: Are you serious?
Susan: He’s a classic loophole shark. He’s exploiting this company over a tiny detail in the fine print.
Melanie: Interesting case.
Susan: Ridiculous case.

Susan: I mean, my mission is to help the helpless. He’s not helpless. He’s shameless.
Melanie: Shameless pays the bills.
Susan: It would mean that my employees could stop job hunting. Roberto left his laptop open with his resume there. I fixed a typo.
Melanie: [chuckles] Of course you did.

Susan: Okay, team. The first thing we need to do is take a deep dive into the strange and prolific dating life of Mr. Nicholas Evans.
Roberto: Finally a fun case.

Susan: This case is not going to be a walk in the park. Love Guaranteed is owned by none other than Tamara Taylor.
Denise: Oh, we just won big time.
Roberto: I’m sorry, Tiffany what now?
Denise: Tamara Taylor. The lifestyle guru, who tells women to eat nothing, but soaked almonds, and to steam their…
Roberto: I’m caught up.

Susan: You know, I’m looking forward to taking on Love Guaranteed.
[puts up his hand]
Roberto: Hi. Roberto. Accounting. Are you about to do the big speech? Because if this is the big speech, I have to use the restroom first.
Susan: All those corporate fat cats, and their two hundred dollar haircuts, and their fancy watches. They’re not even going to know what hit them.
Roberto: I should go, right?
Denise: You should go.
Susan: No. Okay, sorry. No big speech. Please, use the restroom. Meeting over.

Denise: Online dating can just be so soul crushing.
Susan: I wouldn’t know. Luckily, I’ve never tried it.
Roberto: What? I’m sorry, you’ve never online dated?
Susan: No, what’s the big deal?
Roberto: You can’t win a case over something you know nothing about.
Denise: We need to get you online.

Susan: No, I don’t have time for dating.
Roberto: It’s not dating! What if it’s research? You know, it could make the difference between winning or losing this case.
Susan: What are you about to do here?
Roberto: Creating your profile.
Susan: I thought you had to pee.
Roberto: It can wait.
Denise: This is so fun.
Susan: Okay, fine. But listen, I am proofing it first. Don’t make me sound weird.

Susan: It’s both helpful, and a little bit creepy, that you meticulously documented all of your dates.
Nick: Thank you. Figured I’d need a paper trail.
Susan: “The one who talked about cats all night?”
Nick: Yeah, didn’t even own a cat.
Susan: “The one who brought her parents on the date?”
Nick: Yeah. And she never said a word, but her dad was awesome. I mean, we talked about baseball for hours. It was great. I wish I would have got his number.

Susan: “The one who needed a date to her sister’s wedding.”
Nick: Yeah, two tickets to Hawaii seemed kind of extra for date numero dos.
Susan: “The one who got drunk and tried to fight the busboy?”
Nick: For the record? I took the punch.

Susan: Okay, Nick, you cannot name these women like they’re episodes of Friends.
Nick: It’s the only way to keep them apart. You know how many Chloes I’ve dated? Fourteen! Plus twelve Emmas, and like half a dozen Zoes.
Susan: Okay. Little accountability please. You’re the one dating in bulk.
Nick: This lawsuit isn’t just about me, you know. Love Guaranteed took advantage of them too.

Nick: And just so you know, I was always a perfect gentleman to them. I took these women on classy dates.
Susan: Split the check at Denny’s?
Nick: I mean, no disrespect to the Grand Slam Breakfast, but give a guy some credit, okay? Breakfast at Bacco, lunch at Pink Door, and dinner at Coral.
Susan: Coral. That place is fancy.
Nick: Yes. And I paid every time.

Susan: Alright, I’m impressed. More with your time management than anything.
Nick: Yeah? Got most dates down to under an hour. Quicker than an oil change.
Susan: Okay. Do you have a heart, or just an empty space where you keep your car keys?
Nick: Yeah, it’s empty.

Nick: I got to go.
Susan: Hot date?
Nick: Yep.
Susan: What? That was a bad joke. It’s 10 AM.
Nick: Yeah. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner dates. It’s breakfast.

[referring to Nick]
Roberto: I know I’m married, but I’d love to see him in my chambers.
Denise: For a debriefing.
Roberto: Heyo!

[referring to her online dating profile photo]
Susan: Why would you use that photo?
Roberto: It was the only picture we could find where you weren’t working.
Susan: Oh, that’s from my birthday at Tortilla Flats. I was wasted.
Roberto: A drinky Susan is a dateable Susan.

[as she reads her dating online profile]
Susan: I do dip my french fries in mayo. I do like old dogs better than puppies. Wait a second. How do you guys know all this stuff about me?
Roberto: Lots of overtime.
Denise: I went through your garbage.

Susan: I have to interview Nick’s dates for their depositions.
Roberto: Which you can do while going on dates of your own. Hashtag Research.
Denise: Mr. Yang next door is willing to offer you a friends and family lunch discount.
Susan: I do love Yang’s.
Roberto: He’s weirdly as excited as we are.
Susan: For research.

[looking at Susan’s online dating replies]
Roberto: Ooh, how about this one in the flannel?
Denise: Looks like a lumberjack.
Roberto: Like an educated lumberjack.
Denise: That’s not a thing.
Roberto: A lumbersexual?
Denise: Oh, that’s a thing.

See more Love, Guaranteed Quotes

[during one of her online dates]
Susan: So, intermittent fasting, huh?
Intermittent Faster: Yeah.
Susan: As in you just purposely don’t eat?
Intermittent Faster: I’m actually up to twenty hours a day now.
Susan: Wow. Isn’t that dangerous, or…
Intermittent Faster: No. No, no. It’s super good for you. It’s actually how…
[looks like he’s going to pass out]
Intermittent Faster: …cavemen used to eat.
Susan: Wasn’t the life expectancy for a caveman like twenty-five?
[her date passes out]
Susan: Check!

Susan: So, tell me about your date with Nick Evans.
Hipster Barista: The date was fine, but I knew he wasn’t for me. I got a vibe.
Susan: What kind of a vibe?
Hipster Barista: It’s like Nick believes he’s genuinely like looking for love. But instead he’s trying to prove that love doesn’t exist.

Susan: You guys, I don’t know how Nick managed it. I don’t. I mean, I’ve been on two dates, and one no-show, and I am exhausted.
Roberto: Why do you think I proposed to Dante only after two weeks? It’s a jungle out there.
Denise: There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Roberto: Oh, there’s also plenty of trash.

Jerome: Hey, Donna. You ever been dipped in an Argentine tango?
Nick: Be careful, she’s a man-eater.
Jerome: Oh, here’s hoping.
Nick: Jerome, you nasty.

[to Susan, after she finds out Nick works at the rehabilitation center]
Jerome: [to Susan] Doctor said, my dancing days are over. Nick said, hogwash. Nick donates his time here for the old folks like me that can’t afford PT. He’s a good egg. Like you. And two good eggs make an omelet.

[after reading Nick’s next online date’s profile]
Susan: She seems adorable.
Nick: Adorable is a number one red flag. Anything that sounds too good to be true on the internet is a lie.
Susan: I have noticed that.

[during his date]
Pam: Seriously, could this menu have more shellfish on it? If I even eat one mollusk I’ll be covered in eczema like the Elephant Man.
Nick: Did you hear the one about the greedy clam? He was a little shellfish.

[after Susan arrives at the same restaurant that Nick is having his date]
Intermittent Faster: May I purchase you a drink?
Susan: What are you even doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be fasting?
Intermittent Faster: It’s my eating window.
Susan: Smells like your drinking window.
Intermittent Faster: It’s a bit of that too. You know.

Susan: I mean, these women, they could be subpoenaed. I had to make sure that you weren’t intentionally tanking the dates.
Nick: You were spying on me.
Susan: No!
Nick: Yeah, you were.
Susan: No! A little. Professionally.
Nick: “Professionally.”
Susan: I’m sorry I ruined your date, okay?
Nick: No, it’s okay. It was terrible. It really was.

[referring to the table at the restaurant]
Susan: This is where it all happens.
Nick: Oh, yeah. This is my lucky table.
Susan: Is it, though?
Nick: Actually, no. This thing is cursed. Let’s go sit somewhere else.

Susan: I do feel like there’s something hardwired in me from birth, to want to just fight for the little guy. One time when I was really little, my parents took me to see that movie, The Fugitive. And I got so upset that they convicted an innocent man. I’m still upset. But I had to go wait in the lobby. Couldn’t take it.
Nick: [laughs] You serious?
Susan: My dad tried to get me to come back into the theater, but I wouldn’t. I still haven’t seen the end of that movie.

Nick: Well, before the trial is over, we are watching The Fugitive together, okay?
Susan: It’s a date. But also not.
Nick: I know what you meant.

[referring to her past relationships]
Nick: There had to be someone.
Susan: Well, I mean, of course there was someone. Sure, back in law school. His name was Josh. We thought we were going to get married, have kids, dogs, the whole thing. But, I don’t know, he had other plans.
Nick: What kind of plans?
Susan: Just the kind that did not include me.

[referring to her car]
Nick: So this is yours?
Susan: Yep, this is Zorro.
Nick: Nice. Zorro. That’s sweet.
Susan: Sweet? No, no, no. Zorro is a vigilante, who tracks down ruthless villains.
Nick: A lot tougher than she looks, huh?
Susan: Yeah.

[as he shakes Susan’s hand]
Nick: It’s my signature end of the date move. It’s my way of saying, “Goodbye. Good luck. Have a nice life.”
Susan: So it’s an efficient transaction.
Nick: Yes, it is.
Susan: So, tell me, if you were going to name tonight like an episode of Friends, what would my title be?
Nick: “The one I didn’t see coming.”

[referring to the Love Guaranteed poster]
Nick: Right, Brad and Veronica met at Love Guaranteed. Brad and Veronica are clearly models.
Susan: Just because they’re implausibly attractive, doesn’t mean that they’re paid models. Don’t you have faith in anything good in this world?
Nick: Sure. Just not in Brad and Veronica. They fake and they phony. Look at those teeth, too white.

[as they are about to meet with Tamara Taylor]
Susan: Some ground rules before we go in there, I do the talking. You, no snarking, no snickering, no snorting.
Nick: Snorting?
Susan: Yes, when you’re trying not to laugh, you make a sound kind of like…
[she snorts]
Nick: That sounds nothing like me.
Susan: It’s exactly like you.
Nick: Nope.
Susan: We’ll see.

Tamara Taylor: My website brings much needed hope, love, connection, joy, happiness, life to the masses.
Susan: Except that you’re not selling love, joy, and hope. You’re selling a love guarantee. Now everyone here knows that that language is legally binding. So, we have a case. You all know it.

Tamara Taylor: We’ve looked into you, Miss Whitaker, and we see that your earnest little boutique firm is under water. You’re failing. This little do-gooder crusader for justice attitude, it might impress your clients, but it doesn’t do anything for me.
Well, luckily, we are not here to talk about me. We are here to discuss this case.
Bill: Then take the settlement. We won’t offer it again.
Tamara Taylor: Buddha once said, “No man can step in the same river twice.”

Nick: [to Tamara] Do you know why I hired Susan?
Susan: Nick. No.
Nick: Because she’s the opposite of you. Okay? She has character, and principles, and a sense of common decency.
Susan: Thank you.

Tamara Taylor: Well, I have a billion dollar empire to run. So just sign the papers, and we’ll pay you out, and this little PR headache will go away.
Susan: No deal. We will see you in court, where we will request one million dollars in punitive damages. Oh, and by the way, it’s Heraclitus, not Buddha.
Tamara Taylor: What?
Susan: The river quote? Yeah. Those inspirational fridge magnets, they have such tiny fine print. Really got to read it carefully.
[mimics dropping a mic]
Nick: Boom.

[as they are standing by the elevator doors]
Susan: [whispers] Are they staring at us?
[turns to take a quick look at Tamara and her legal team]
Nick: Yep. All of them.
Susan: We should’ve taken the stairs.
Nick: Yep.

Tamara Taylor: Who’s idiotic idea was it to guarantee love, anyway? Who am I firing today?
Bill: Uh, yours.
Tamara Taylor: Micah, you’re fired.

Susan: If Tamara Taylor thinks that she can steamroll us, she’s got another think coming!
Nick: Yeah. “Thing”. “Another thing coming.”
Susan: No, it’s think. Like, “think again.”
Nick: No. It’s “thing”.
Susan: Do you always have to be right?
Nick: Only when the other person’s wrong.

[as the valet is bringing her car, they hear [“I Think We Are Alone Now” by Tiffany]
Nick: You really went in on that song, didn’t you?
Susan: The tape is actually stuck in the player.
Nick: Right.
Susan: Has been since the ’80s. The volume knob is also broken. So Zorro decides when it plays and when it doesn’t.
Nick: So your car is possessed by Tiffany.
Susan: Basically.

[referring to Susan]
Nick: I mean, I’ve never seen anything like that in my life. She was beautiful. She was poised.
Jerome: You know, for a man who’s been on a thousand dates, you got zero game.
Nick: What are you talking about?
Jerome: I’m talking about Susan.
Nick: No. No. Susan. That’s my lawyer. She’s… no. Off the table.
Jerome: Last I checked, she was a woman first. A smart, beautiful, compassionate woman.

Jerome: What’s holding you back? You just went on a thousand dates, and you’re afraid to go on one more?
Nick: Yeah, but Susan’s not like the rest.
Jerome: Exactly.

Jerome: Scary, isn’t it? You’ve been playing in the shallow end, where it’s safe. That ain’t where you going to find love. To find that, you got to dive deeper.
Nick: What if I sink?
Jerome: What if you swim?

Susan: Love Guaranteed is definitely going to be going after Nick’s character, and we can’t afford for there to be any surprises, so I did a little Google stalking.
Denise: Did you find dirt? I mean, not that I want you to. But let’s be honest, I love dirt.

[referring to the photo of Nick’s ex-fiancée, Arianna]
Denise: She was not one of the thousand dates.
Susan: Nope. And we’ve got to cover our bases. So I’m going to go meet with her today.
Roberto: OMG, she’s gorgeous.
Susan: I guess. You know, if you’re into the whole supermodel thing.
Roberto: Everyone is.
Denise: Most people are.

[after Susan calls Nick]
Susan: I just wanted to see if you were awake to, you know, go over a couple things.
Nick: To go over… Wait, you’re still at work?
Susan: So?
Nick: You are not a normal human being.

Susan: “The one who ate paper.”
Nick: Yeah. All kinds.
Susan: What? No.
Nick: Yep. Napkins. Toilet paper. Playing cards.
Susan: No.
Nick: Not kidding. Origami.
Susan: I don’t believe you, but I am looking forward to meeting this probably fictional person.

[referring to her being uptight]
Susan: The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is I check my phone. Answer e-mails before I even get out of bed. Go to the office all day. Then I come home, finish everything I didn’t get done at the office. Then I get back in bed, with my phone, and it starts over again. It’s a vicious circle.
Nick: Um, “cycle”.
Susan: What?
Nick: “It’s a vicious cycle.” That’s the saying.
Susan: No, it’s “vicious circle”.
Nick: Vicious circle? That sounds like a geometry teacher’s rock band.

Susan: How did you find out?
Nick: She told me. She said she has an imaginary friend. That she’d bring him everywhere. Brought him to the date.
Susan: I hope he had a good time.
Nick: She said he did. He didn’t eat any of his food.

Melanie: Susan talks about you all the time.
Susan: No, I don’t.
Melanie: Yes, you do, actually.
Nick: Of course she does. I’m her favorite client.
Susan: No, that’s Jerome.
Nick: Jerome? I am ten times more charming than Jerome.
Susan: He’s got the whole cute grumpy old man thing going on.
Nick: That’s true. Yeah, he does have the old thing going for him.
Melanie: I am loving this whole back and forth banter thing going on, but I got to go have a baby.

Gideon: I can’t find the car keys.
Nick: Uh, check your left hand.

Melanie: My contractions are five minutes apart. If we don’t leave now, we’re naming our baby after the freeway she was born on!
Gideo: I-90 is a terrible name.

[referring to Oliver]
Nick: What happened? He was like one of those Von Trapp kids, and now it’s all Hunger Games.

Susan: Oliver, we need to open a window of negotiation about bedtime.
Nick: Are you lawyering a four year-old?
Susan: I am willing to make concessions.

[referring to Susan]
Denise: She’s MIA. She’s never MIA.
Roberto: First she takes yesterday off to spend time with a baby, who isn’t even a client, and now she’s late?
Denise: Should we put out an amber alert?
Roberto: I want to see her name on buses by noon.

[as Susan walks into office looking happy]
Roberto: Is she choking?
Denise: I think that was a giggle.
Roberto: She sounds like I do after a second Ambien.

[referring to Susan acting happy]
Roberto: I don’t smell day drinking.
Denise: You can’t smell vodka.
Roberto: I can smell it on you.
Denise: Shut up.

Melanie: You have to talk to him.
Susan: And tell him what? That I might’ve sunk our case by signing up for that ridiculous site?
Melanie: It’s only an issue if Nick finds love. Right? So, just pump the brakes while you’re working together.
Susan: That’s the problem, I don’t want to pump the brakes. I’ve never not wanted to do something more.

Susan: Nick, I don’t think that we should see each other right now. I need to focus on the case, it’s my priority.
Nick: Is that what you want?
Susan: We can’t always do what we want. Sometimes we need to do what’s right.
Nick: Why are you doing this?
Susan: You want to win, don’t you? That’s what this whole case is about. It’s why you hired me, isn’t it?
Nick: Yeah.
Susan: Then let me do what I know is right for both of us, okay?
Nick: Cool. I’ll see you in court.

[to Jerome after Susan tells him they should stop seeing each other]
Nick: Looks like I sunk.

Susan: [in court] What price would you pay to find love? Almost anything, right? Well, for twenty-nine ninety-five, which includes use of their website and app, Love Guaranteed guarantees that you will find love. All you have to do is go on a thousand dates. That’s right. One thousand different dates. I went on two and a half Love Guaranteed dates, and well, that was quite enough for me, thank you.

Susan: Dr. Rossmore, for the record, what is your field of expertise?
Dr. Rossmore: Well I have a PhD in Psychology, and I teach human behavior and the sciences at the university. My specialty is attachments and relationships. Primarily the science of love.
Susan: And in your professional opinion, are there any known ways to guarantee love?
Dr. Rossmore: All the conclusions agree there is no way to predict love, much less guarantee it.

Roberto: Ooh. Kicking a**, taking names, and looking fierce the entire time.
Denise: Check, check, check.
Susan: I don’t know. I just can’t let Bill Jones ruin Nick’s reputation.

[as she’s sobbing, she turns on the engine and “I Think We Are Alone Now” by Tiffany starts playing]
Susan: I hate you, Tiffany!

Susan: To put it plainly, Miss Silver. It is my presumption that the defense named you as a witness in hopes to reflect negatively on Mr. Evans’ character.
Arianna: When I spoke to Mr. Jones, about being a witness, I did mention that I thought Nick was licking his wounds. I mean, a thousand dates and you couldn’t find someone new? Seemed a little fishy to me.
Susan: And do you still feel the same way?
Arianna: Actually, no. Nick is a great guy. He’s all about being honest. So I assume that this lawsuit is on the up and up. I only wish him well.

Arianna: I’m sorry how things ended with us. It’s my fault. I’m not proud of it, but I did learn from it. I’m with the right person now.
Nick: I’m happy for you.
Arianna: I’m happy for you too.
Nick: What are you talking about?
Arianna: I know that look. You’re in love with your lawyer. I just hope you can admit it to yourself, before it’s too late.
Nick: But what if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if I get hurt again?
Arianna: There are no guarantees in love, Nick. Isn’t that what this is all about?

Nick: When I started this whole thing, I was out for justice. Love isn’t something you can just guarantee. Like a pizza delivery.
Susan: [whispers] I’m sorry, what are you doing?
Nick: Love is unpredictable. And it can burn you. But it can also surprise you in the most remarkable ways. It turns out I did find love, when I fell in love with my lawyer.

Nick: I’m dropping the lawsuit. Mr. Jones is right. While I didn’t meet Susan through the site, I met her because of it. And I promised to tell the truth under oath. So, I’d much rather have love in my life than win here in court today. It’s an amazing thing when you find someone who gets you, and you get them in return. Even when they’re right and you’re wrong.
Turns out the saying is, “You’ve got another think coming.” It really is. I Googled it. Weird.

Nick: A wise old man once told me to dive in, so here it goes. What I realized, that I don’t want a guarantee. Or a safety net. All I want is to take a chance with you. It’s not a risk to fall in love. It’s a risk not to. I love you, Susan. Do you love me too?
Judge Kay: Miss Whitaker, answer that question.
Susan: I do!
[they kiss in front of whole court]

Tamara Taylor: When I studied with my Lama in Tibet, he said, “The thousand brilliant accomplishments of the past do not serve today’s purpose.”
Susan: I’m sorry, I’m not following.
Tamara Taylor: I’ll pay your legal fees, and I’ll donate two hundred and fifty thousand to your hospital, if you two become the new face of Love Guaranteed.
Nick: Why would you do that?
Tamara Taylor: An old fashioned love story complete with a romantic courtroom confession? People love that crap. It’s going to make me look so good on social media. It’s not hard, but it’s much better than the fake poster couple we have now.
Nick: I knew it! Brad and Veronica.
Susan: He did. He called that.
Nick: I called that.

Lifestyle Reporter: The jury still out on whether a dating site can guarantee love. But love guarantees a happy ending.

[last lines; as they walk out of the court building]
Susan: So what do we do now? Go on an official first date?
Nick: Anything but a first date.
[they kiss]

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