Megamind Quotes – ‘I make bad look so good!’

Starring: Will Ferrell, Brad Pitt, Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, David Cross, Justin Theroux, Ben Stiller, Jessica Schulte, Tom McGrath, Emily Nordwind, J.K. Simmons

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Animated superhero comedy directed by Tom McGrath. The story follows the least supervillain the world has known, Megamind (Will Ferrell). Thwarted time and again by heroic Metro Man (Brad Pitt), Megamind is more surprised than anyone when he actually manages to defeat his longtime enemy. But without Metro Man, Megamind has no purpose in life, so he creates a new opponent, Tighten (Jonah Hill), who instead of using his powers for good, sets out to destroy the world, positioning Megamind to save the day for the first time in his life.

Our Favorite Quotes:

Best Quotes   (Total Quotes: 123)

[first lines; as he’s falling from the sky]
Megamind: [voice over] Here’s my day so far; went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that’s right, I’m falling to my death. Guess they can’t. How did it all come to his you ask. My end starts at the beginning, the very beginning!

Megamind: [voice over] I had a fairly standard childhood. I came from what you might call a broken home, literally broken. I was eight days old and still living with my parents. How sad is that?! Clearly it was time to move on.

[to baby Megamind]
Megamind’s Mother: Here is your Minion, he will take care of you.
Megamind’s Father: And here is you binky.
[he puts the binky into Megamind’s mouth and then utters his last words to his son]
Megamind’s Father: You are destined…
[the ship closes and starts to take off]
Megamind: [voice over] I didn’t quite here that last part, but it sounded important. Destined for what? I set out to find my destiny. It turns out a kid from the Gloarpunked quadrant had the exact same idea. That was the day I met Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. And our glorious rivalry was born!

[baby Megamind’s ship is heading towards a large beautiful house]
Megamind: [voice over] Could this be what I was destined for? A dream life filled with luxury?
[baby Metro Man’s ship appears in front and crash lands into the beautiful house]
Megamind: [voice over] Apparently not! Even fate has it’s favorites. No big deal. A much different fate awaited me.
[Megamind’s ship lands in Metro City Prison]

Lady Scott: A baby! How thoughtful.
[holds infant Metro Man in her hands]
Lord Scott: [reading his paper] Oh, yes, yes. I saw and thought of you.

[baby Megamind’s ship opens and he sees the prisoners crowding round looking at him]
Megamind: [voice over] Luckily I found a lovely little place to call home.
[to the other prisoners]
Prisoner: Can we keep it?
[one of the prisoners is showing him picture cards of a police man and a burglar]
Megamind: [voice over] A place that taught me the differences between right and wrong.

Megamind: [voice over] Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes on the other hand had life handed to him on a silver platter.
[baby Metro Man flies around the ceiling]
Lady Scott: Our baby can fly!
[without looking he continues to read his paper]
Lord Scott: Yes, yes, nothing but the best for you, darling.
Megamind: [voice over] The power of flight, invulnerability and great hair! But I had something far, far greater. My amazing intellect! A knack for building objects of mayhem.

[Megamind as a child is being escorted out of prison and taken to School]
Megamind: [voice over] After a few years and with some time off for good behavior, I was given an opportunity to better myself through learning at a strange place called ‘shool’. It was there that I was once again ran into Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. He had already amassed a gigantic army of soft headed groupies.

[Metro Man as a child uses his laser vision to heat up popcorn and all the school children cheer and clap]
Megamind: [voice over] He bought their affections with showmanship, extravagant gifts of deliciousness. So I too would make this poppet corn and win over those mindless drones.

[Megamind’s object to produce popcorn for the school children explodes and Metro Man uses his powers to put the fire out]
Megamind: [voice over] That’s when I learned a very hard lesson. Good receives all the praise and adulation while evil is sent to quite time in the corner. So fitting in wasn’t really an option. While they were learning Itzy Bitzy Spider, I learnt how to dehydrate inanimate objects and rehydrate them at will.

Megamind: [voice over] Some days it felt like it was just me and Minion against the world.

Megamind: [voice over] No matter how hard I tried I was always the odd man out. The last one picked. A screw up! Black sheep! Bad boy!

Megamind: [voice over] Was this my destiny? Wait, maybe it was! Being bad is the one thing I’m good at. Then it hit me; if I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all!
[sets off a chemical explosion in the schoolhouse]
Megamind: [voice over] I was destined to be a super villain, and we were destined to be rivals! The die had been cast! And so began an enduring epic lifelong career, and I loved it!

[a gallery of newspaper articles appears, featuring Megamind and Metro Man’s battles]
Megamind: [voice over] Our battles quickly got more elaborate. He would win some, I would almost win others! He took the name Metro Man, defender of Metro City. I decided to pick something a little more humble; Megamind, incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy!

[in prison]
Megamind: Good morning Warden. Great news, I’m a changed man and I’m ready to re-enter society as a solid citizen.
Warden: You’re a villain! And you’ll always be a villain. You’ll never change and you’ll never leave.
Megamind: You’re fun.

Warden: You got a present in the mail.
Megamind: Is it a puppy?
[the warden opens the box to reveal a hand watch]
Warden: From Metro Man.
[reading the card from Metro Man]
Warden: ‘To count every second of your eighty five life sentences.’ That’s funny, never thought Metro Man was the gloating type. Oh, but he does have nice taste.
[he puts the watch on his wrist]
Warden: I think I’ll keep it.
Megamind: Any chance you could give me the time. I don’t want to be late for the opening of the Metro Man museum.
[the warden looks at the watch]
Warden: Oh, no! Looks like you’re going to miss it, by several thousand years.
[the warden walks away]
Megamind: Oh, am I?
[starts to do an evil laugh]

Roxanne Ritchie: Happy Metro Man day, Metro City. It’s a beautiful day in down town where we’re here to honor a beautiful Metro Man. His heart is an ocean that’s inside a bigger ocean. For years he’s been watching us with his super vision, saving us with his super strength and caring for us with his super heart. Now it’s our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchie, reporting live from the dedication of the Metro Man museum.
[she does the cut sign to her camera man]
Hal: Wow! Okay, the stuff they make you read on air, that’s unfreaking believable! It’s crazy.
Roxanne Ritchie: I wrote that piece myself, Hal.
Hal: What I was trying to say was, I can’t believe that in our modern society, they let, like actual art get onto the news.
Roxanne Ritchie: Nice save, Hal.

Hal: I’ve been watching you, like a dingo watches a human baby.
Roxanne Ritchie: Mmm.
Hal: Okay, that sounded.. Okay, that sounded a little weird.
Roxanne Ritchie: A little bit, yeah.
Hal: You’re making a face, and that’s making me feel weird.

[Megamind disguised as the warden breaks out of prison, Minion pull up outside the prison in an invisible car]
Minion: Well, hello good looking. Need a lift?
Megamind: Certainly do you fantastic fish, you.
Minion: Get in the car, you.

[at a felicitation ceremony in his honor]
Metro Man: Hey, Metro City.
[the crowd starts cheering and screaming]
Metro Man: Hey. You know, I just want to bring it down a bit. Boys, a little lower. Thank you, fellas.
[the crowd stops cheering]
Metro Man: Let’s get real for a moment. That’s right, that’s right. Ha-ha. Although getting a whole museum is super cool, is super cool. You want to know what the greatest honor you’ve given me is? Do you really want to know?
[the crowd starts to cheer again]
Metro Man: Really?
[the crowd cheers louder]
Metro Man: I’ll tell ya. The greatest honor you’ve given me is letting me serve you. The helpless people of Metro City. At the end of every day, well, I often ask myself; who would I be without you.
[a male voice from the crown shouts]
Voice from Crowd: I love you, Metro Man!
Metro Man: And I love you, random citizen.

Megamind: Aahh, I tell you Minion, there’s no place like evil lair.
Minion: I’ve kept it cold and damp just for you.

Megamind: How do I look, Minion? Do I look bad?
Minion: Disgustingly horrifying, sir.
Megamind: You always know what to say.

[Minion removes a cloth bag from his captive, Roxanne Ritchie]
Megamind: Miss Ritchie, we meet again.
Roxanne Ritchie: Would it kill you to wash the bag?
Megamind: You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchie. I’m afraid no one can hear you.
[Roxanne just looks at him coldly]
Megamind: Why, uh, why isn’t she screaming?
Minion: Miss Ritchie, if you don’t mind?
Megamind: Like this, aaahhhh!
[he does a fake scream]
Megamind: That’s a poor lady scream.
[the brain bot he’s holding in hand suddenly bites his hand and he starts to scream in pain]
Roxanne Ritchie: [sarcastically] That’s a little better.

[looking around Megamind’s lair]
Roxanne Ritchie: Is there some kind of nerdy super villain website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?
Minion: Actually, most of it comes from an outlet store in…
Megamind: Don’t answer that!
Minion: [whispering] Romania.
Megamind: Don’t! Stop! She’s using her nosy reporter skills on your weak-willed mind to find out all our secrets. Such tricks won’t work on me.

Roxanne Ritchie: Wait, what secrets? You’re so predictable!
Megamind: Predictable, predictable! Oh, you call this predictable!
[pulls a lever]
Roxanne Ritchie: Alligators, yep. I was thinking about it on the way over.
Megamind: What’s this? A new thing!
[brings down a gauntlet of blades]
Roxanne Ritchie: Clichéd.
Megamind: No, look! Watch.
[brings down the giant blades]
Roxanne Ritchie: Juvenile.
Megamind: Shock and awe!

[Megamind brings up a chainsaw]
Roxanne Ritchie: Tacky.
Megamind: Oh, it’s so scary!
[activates a cycle of spiked boots]
Roxanne Ritchie: Seen it.
Megamind: What’s this one do?
[now frantic he unleashes a flamethrower]
Roxanne Ritchie: Garish!
[Megamind breaks down]
Roxanne Ritchie: Okay, the spider’s new.
Megamind: Spider?
[sees the spider hanging in front of Roxanne]
Megamind: Uh, yes! The speiiiider. Even the smallest bite from “arachnis deathakus” will instantly paralyze…
[Roxanne blows the spider into Megamind’s eye]
Megamind: Aargh! Get it off! Ow!

Roxanne Ritchie: Give it up Megamind, your plans never work.
Megamind: Let’s stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we?

Metro Man: Should have known you would have tried to crash the party.
Megamind: Oh, I intend to do more than crashing. This is the day you and Metro City shall not soon forget!
Metro Man: It’s pronounced ‘Metro City’!
Megamind: Oh, potato, tomato, potato. Oh!
Metro Man: We all know how this ends; with you behind bars!
Megamind: Oh, I’m shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots! You will leave Metro City or this will be the last you ever hear of, Roxanne Ritchie! Huh?
[the screen next to him shows Roxanne tied to a chair]
Metro Man: Roxanne! Don’t panic, Roxy. I’m on my way.
Roxanne Ritchie: I’m not panicking.
Megamind: [smirking] In order to stop me, you need to find her first, Metro Man!
Roxanne Ritchie: We’re at the coastline observatory!
Megamind: Ah-huh! No, we’re not! Don’t listen to her! She’s crazy!

[after trapping Metro Man crashes in the observatory, Megamind comes up on a projector]
Megamind: Over here, old friend! In case you’ve noticed, you’ve fallen right into my trap.
Metro Man: You can’t trap justice. It’s an idea, a belief!
Megamind: But, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.
Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal.
Megamind: But metals can be melted by the heat of revange!
Metro Man: It’s ‘revenge’, and it’s best served cold!
Megamind: But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!
Metro Man: Well, I think your warranty’s about to expire!
Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
Metro Man: Warranties are invalid if you don’t used the card for its intended purpose!
Roxanne Ritchie: [exasperated] Uuhh! Girls, girls, you’re both pretty! Can I go home now!
Megamind: Of course you can. That is if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the sun! FIRE!
[nothing happens and Metro Man just looks at Megamind]

[after the solar powered laser failed to fire at Metro Man]
Megamind: Minion, fire?
Minion: Uh, still warming up, sir.
Megamind: Come again?
Minion: Warming up, sir.
Megamind: Warming up? The sun is warming up?
Minion: One second more, and just tippy tappy, tippy tap, tap, tip, top more.
Megamind: Honestly!
Minion: And we are ready in just a few, hang on one second.
Megamind: [exasperated] Uuhh! I told you to have things ready. I told you countless times.
Megamind: Why do you always blame me?
[grabs his eye that the spider had bit earlier]
Megamind: My spider bite is acting!
Roxanne Ritchie: Your plan is failing. Just admit it.
Minion: Yeah, good luck with that one!
Megamind: Who’s side are you on?
Roxanne Ritchie: The losing side.
Minion: Thank you.
Roxanne Ritchie: [sarcastically] Uh, could someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card?
[Megamind laughs]
Megamind: You of all people know we discontinued that promotion.

[Metro Man collapses in the observatory that Megamind has trapped him in]
Metro Man: Good lord, I’m trapped!
[Megamind looks at Metro Man through the projector]
Megamind: What kind of trickery is this?
Metro Man: You mad genius. Your dark gift has finally paid off!
Megamind: It has?
Metro Man: The stone is obviously lined with copper.
Megamind: Yeah. So?
Minion: Sir? Uh…
[Minion points at computer screen]
Metro Man: Copper drains my powers.
Megamind: Your weakness is copper? You’re kidding, right?
[suddenly the solar powered laser is activated and fires at the observatory that Metro Man is trapped in]

[after the observatory that Metro Man was trapped in has exploded]
Minion: I don’t think even he could survive that.
Megamind: Well, let’s not get our hopes up just yet.

[after destroying Metro Man]
Minion: You did it, sir!
Megamind: I did it!
Minion: You did it!
Megamind: I did it! Metro City is MINE!

[celebrating their victory in destroying Metro Man]
Minion: [singing] You did it, sir. You did it, sir.
Megamind: [singing] Yes I did.
Minion: Us!
Megamind: I did it!
Minion: We both did it.
Megamind: Not us, I!
Minion: You a little more than me, but still come on! When they’re giving out the awards I’m going to be right here next to you, right sir?
Megamind: What awards? Awards for what?

[speaking into the microphone at a press conference]
Megamind: All I did was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe. Are there any questions? Come on? Yes, you at the back.
Roxanne Ritchie: I’m sure that we’d all like to know what you plan to do with us and this city.
Megamind: Good, I’m glad you asked that. Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, evil thing you can possibly think of and multiply it by six! In the meantime, I want you to carry on with the dreary normal things you, normal people do. Let’s just have fun with this, come on! And I will get back to you.
[he walks backwards into the white house with Minion following behind him]
Megamind: [whispering] Now slam the door really hard.
[Minion slams the door hard but his shadow can been seen through the door]
Megamind: They, they can still see you.

Megamind: Oh, Minion, did you think this day would ever come?
Minion: No way. Not at all, sir. Never. Never in a million…
[Megamind gives him an evil look]
Minion: I mean, yes, I did.

[noticing the large windows inside the White House]
Megamind: And what’s this? It’s like one of the giant monitors in the lair, but is seems to carry only one station.
Minion: Oh, that sir is called a window.
Megamind: Window!
Minion: All the kids are looking through them.
Megamind: Oooh! I’ve never had a view before. Metro City, Minion. It’s all mine. If my parents could see me now.
Minion: Sir, I am sure they’re smiling down from evil heaven.

[talking to a Drinking Bird toy]
Megamind: I know. Funny. Always thirsty, never satisfied. I understand you, little well dressed bird. Purposeless, emptiness. It’s a vacuum, isn’t it? It’s…What’s your vacuum like?
[Minion breaks through the door, singing and playing air guitar on a statue]
Minion: [singing] Going up the rails on a crazy train, sir!
Megamind: Hey, hey, hey! Not now, Minion. I’m in a heated, existential discussion with this dead eyed, plastic desk toy.

Minion: Is something wrong, sir?
Megamind: Just think about it. We have it all. Yet we have nothing. It’s just too easy now.
Minion: I’m sorry. You’ve lost me, sir.
Megamind: [wearily] I mean, we did it. Right?
Minion: Uh, well, you did it, sir. Yes, you’ve made that perfectly clear.
Megamind: Then why do I feel so meloncholy.
Minion: Meloncholy?!
Megamind: Unhappy.
Minion: Oh, well, uh, what if tomorrow we could go kidnap Roxanne Ritchie? That always seems to lift your spirits.
Megamind: Good idea, Minion. But without him, what’s the point.
[through his window he notices the statue of Metro Man]
Minion: Him, sir?
Megamind: Nothing.

[talking about Metro Man on TV]
Roxanne Ritchie: He was always there for us. Dependable. Perhaps we took him for granted. You know, maybe we never really know how good we have it, until it’s gone. We miss you, Metro Man. I miss you. And I have just one question for Megamind. Are you happy now? This is Roxanne Ritchie, reporting from a city without a hero. Coming up next, are you ready to be a slave army? What you need to know.
[she does the cut sign to Hal]
Hal: Aaand, wrap that up and give it to a child on Christmas! Cause we’re done.

Hal: Wait, Roxy. I’m having a party at my house, going to be off the hook, or whatever. You should come over. I got a DJ, rented a bouncy house, made a gallon of dip. It’s going to be sick!
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, I don’t know, Hal. I don’t really feel like being around a bunch of people.
Hal: No, no, no! That’s the best part, it’ll just be like, you and me.
Roxanne Ritchie: Wow! That, um, that’s certainly very tempting. But…
Hal: I did hire a wedding photographer. That’s just in case we were like, something crazy happened and we wanted a picture of it like, maybe we should have this for like, ever. Like a memory, you know?
Roxanne Ritchie: Um, I’m going to pass. I have some work here that I need to do, anyway.
Hal: Cool. So, Thursday? Soft Thursday?
Roxanne Ritchie: Goodnight, Hal.
Hal: It’s a soft yes on Thursday.
[Roxanne turns and goes up the stairs, he goes back to his van]
Hal: [to himself] What’s wrong with me?! Rented a bouncy house! chicks don’t like bouncy houses, they like clowns!
[he hits his van and Roxanne hears him shout]
Hal: Ow! Aaah! Stupid van! You broke my finger!

[talking to Metro Man’s statue]
Megamind: I’m so tired of running rampant through the streets. What’s the point of being bad when there’s no good to try and stop you?

[talking to Metro Man’s statue]
Megamind: I had so many evil plans on works; The Illiteracy Beam, Typhoon Cheese, Robo Sheep. Battles now we will never have. You know, I never had the chance to say goodbye. So it’s good that have this time now. You know, before I destroy the place. Nothing personal, it just brings back too many painful memories.

[after Megamind has set the bomb to go off he hears Roxanne on the other side of the Metro Man statue and he runs to save her and bumps into Bernard]
Bernard: That’s a pretty tasteless costume.
Megamind: Costume?!
Bernard: Megamind’s head is not that grossly exaggerated.
[Megamind shoots his dehydration gun at Bernard but it doesn’t work]
Bernard: Uuh! You even made a cheap replica of his dehydration gun. How…
[Megamind shoots his dehydration gun at Bernard again and this time it works]

Roxanne Ritchie: Hello, who’s there?
[Megamind just makes it in time in transforming himself to look like Bernard]
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh! Woow! It’s just you, Bernard.
Megamind: Oh, yes. It’s just me. Bernard!
Roxanne Ritchie: Well, thank you for letting me stay.
Megamind: Look, I wouldn’t stay here for more than two minutes and thirty seven seconds if I were you. We’re having the walls and ceilings removed.
Roxanne Ritchie: Wow! That sounds like quite the renovation. I guess I’ll, um, catch a ride down with you then.
[gets into the elevator with Megamind disguised as Bernard’s]

[Roxanne’s talking to Megamind who’s disguised as Bernard]
Roxanne Ritchie: I kept thinking he was going to do one of his last minute escapes.
Megamind: Yeah, he was really good at those.
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh! If only the world had a rest button.
Megamind: I’ve looked into the reset button.
[he breaks down]
Megamind: The science is impossible.

Megamind: Metro Man’s gone and now there’s no one left to challenge Megamind.
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, come on, Bernard! As long as there’s evil, good will rise up against it.
Megamind: Uuh, I wish!
Roxanne Ritchie: I believe someone’s is going to stand up to Megamind.
Megamind: You really think so?
Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah, it’s like they say. Heroes aren’t born, they’re made!
Megamind: Heroes can be made. That’s it! All you need are the right ingredients.
Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah. Bravery.
Megamind: Yes.
Roxanne Ritchie: Strength.
Megamind: Of course!
Roxanne Ritchie: Determination.
Megamind: Imperative! And a smidgen of DNA. Oh, with that anyone can be a hero!
Roxanne Ritchie: Yeah!
[he laughs and picks up Roxanne in excitement, his alarm goes off]
Megamind: I think we should run!

[standing in front of the Metro Man museum]
Megamind: Time to put the past behind us.
[he transforms himself back to being Megamind]
Megamind: Only the future…
[the Metro Man museum suddenly explodes in his face]
Megamind: Aaaah! Oh! I’m too close! I’m genuinely scared right now! Oh! I don’t know if I’ve seen this! Aah!

Minion: Create a hero? What, what, what?! Why would you do that?
Megamind: So I have someone to fight. Minion, I’m a villain without a hero. A yin with no yang! A bull fighter with no bull to fight. In other words, I have no purpose!

Minion: How are you going to do it?
[Metro man shows him the poster boards he’s made with all his ideas]
Megamind: I’m going to give someone, I don’t know who yet, Metro Man’s powers. We’re going to train that someone to become Metro City’s new hero. Over here, follow!
[revealing the last poster board]
Megamind: And then finally, I’m going to fight that hero in an epic battle of good and evil. We’ll put everything back the way it was when the world was perfect and rosy.

Megamind: Behold, Minion, Metro Man’s cape! Look closely.
[he pushes a large lensed towards Minion]
Megamind: Tell me what you see?
Minion: Dandruff?
Megamind: Ha-ha, yes! It’s his DNA! From this we’ll extract the source of Metro Man’s awesome power.
Minion: Sir, I think this is a bad idea.
[extracting Metro Man’s essence]
Megamind: Yes, this is a very wickedly bad idea for the greater good of bad!
Minion: But I’m saying this is a kind of bad that, okay, I think it’s good from your “bad” perception, but from a “good” perception, it’s just plain bad!
Megamind: Oh, you don’t know what’s good for bad!

[a tune from a cell phone goes off]
Megamind: What on earth is that?
Minion: It seems to be emanating from there, sir.
[points to Megamind’s ass, Megamind pulls out the cell phone from his back pocket and answers it]
Megamind: Oh, hollo…
Minion: It’s ‘hello’.
[speaking into the cell phone]
Megamind: Oh. Hello?
[to Minion]
Megamind: Like that?

[Roxanne’s voice comes through the cell phone]
Roxanne Ritchie: Bernard, it’s Roxanne.
[whispering to Minion]
Megamind: It’s Roxanne!
Roxanne Ritchie: I just want to thank you for inspiring me the other day.
Megamind: Oh! You inspired me too.
Roxanne Ritchie: Great. It’s time we stood up to Megamind and show him he can’t push us around.
Megamind: Oh! Oh, really?
[whispers to Minion]
Megamind: She’s so cute!
Roxanne Ritchie: I’m already hot on his trail.
Megamind: Uh-huh. And what gives you that idea?
Minion: Uh, sir?
Megamind: I just found his secret hide out!

[Roxanne’s face appears on the security TV screens]
Megamind: [shouting] How did she find my hideout?
[back onto the cell phone]
Megamind: Uh, how did you find his hideout?
Roxanne Ritchie: This is the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof.
[to Minion]
Megamind: Okay. There’s no way she’ll find the secret entrance.
Roxanne Ritchie: Haaa! There’s a doormat here that says ‘Secret Entrance’.
Megamind: Minion!
Minion: I kept forgetting where it was!
Megamind: She’ll discover all our secrets!

[after Roxanne has entered into Megamind secret hideout]
Megamind: Roxanne?
[Roxanne turns around in surprise and see’s Bernard who’s in fact Megamind in disguise]
Megamind: Wow!
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, I’m glad you here. Wait, how did you get here so fast?
Megamind: Well, I uh, I happen to be speed walking nearby when you called.
Roxanne Ritchie: In your suit?
Megamind: Uh-huh. It’s called, formal speed walking. But that’s not important. I’d better take the lead. This way looks exciting.
Roxanne Ritchie: No, it says exit.
Megamind: Uh, which is the abbreviation for ex-citing, right?

Roxanne Ritchie: What have you done with Bernard?
Megamind: Bernard? Oh, yes. I’m doing horrible things to that man. I don’t want to get into it, but lasers, spikes.
[he opens a trap door and put his head in pretending to be Bernard shouting]
Megamind: Oh, please, don’t! Not the lasers and the spikes!
[speaking to Roxanne]
Megamind: You know, the drill.
[puts his back in the trap door pretending to shout as Bernard]
Megamind: Oh, no! Not the drill? Aaargh!
Roxanne Ritchie: Let him go!
Megamind: Or what?
Roxanne Ritchie: Or I’m going to find out what this weird looking gun does!
[she points the gun that has Metro Man’s DNA extraction at Megamind]
Megamind: Oh, god! Don’t shoot that gun! I’ll just go get him.

[Roxanne looks as the trap door opens and it’s Megamind transformed as Bernard]
Megamind: Unhand me you fiend! It’s his strength’s, it’s too much!
[transformed back as Megamind he pops his out of the trap door]
Megamind: Aargh! I work out!
[the trap door opens and it Megamind transformed as Bernard]
Megamind: It’s really paying off! You’re so fit and strangely charismatic!
[the door closes and suddenly Megamind transformed as Bernard is thrown out]
Roxanne Ritchie: Are you okay?
Megamind: I did my best, but he’s too fantastic!

[Megamind pulls Roxanne put out from door marked exit which is a room filled with music, disco lighting and alligators]
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, Bernard! You were right about that door being exciting.

Hal: What’s going on?
Roxanne Ritchie: Hal, what happened?
[Hal is holding is nose as the Metro Man’s DNA extraction was accidentally shot up his nose]
Hal: I think a bee flew up my nose. I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you, but like, fifty ninjas tried to attack me. So, I uh, had to beat them all up and I, I did and they were all like, crying and stuff…
Megamind: Wow! Brave one, isn’t he?
Hal: Who are you?
Roxanne Ritchie: Oh, this is Bernard. He’s my partner.
Hal: Partner?
Megamind: Yes, yes. Partner.
Hal: Well, look partner, I’m her partner. She doesn’t know what she’s saying, she’s been through a traumatic experience.
Roxanne Ritchie: I better take him home. Thanks again, Bernard.
[she hugs him]
Roxanne Ritchie: I’ll call you tomorrow, partner.
Megamind: Yeah, okay. I’d like that.
Hal: That was weird for everybody. Cause you accidentally hugged him instead of me.

Megamind: Who is this man, infused with god-like power?
[Hal holding his nose crosses the road, he trips and falls onto Megamind’s invisible car]
Minion: Well sir, his name is Hal Stewart. He is twenty eight years old, no criminal record, actually no records at all. Apparently this man hasn’t accomplished anything.
Megamind: Not yet, Minion. Not yet!

[Megamind breaks into Hal’s apartment]
Hal: Is this a robbery? Cause the lady across the hall has way better stuff than me.
Megamind: Oh, look, it’s Hal Stewart. Quick, the spray.
[Minion tries to spray something from a can, but it doesn’t work]
Minion: Oops! All out!
Megamind: Well, use the forget-me stick.
Minion: Oh, right!
[knocks out Hal with the stick]
Megamind: Huh! Just look at him.
Minion: No, he doesn’t look quite the hero type to me.
Megamind: Oh, you’re such a pill, Minion.

Megamind: I smell a hero.
Minion: I smell something burning.
Megamind: I think it’s working. Places! Places! Places!
[they go over to stand in front of the pull out bed that Hal is trapped inside]
Megamind: Do you have your disguise?
[Minion puts on an apron and wig and Megamind activates a hologram]
Minion: What?
[Megamind disguised as Jor-El looks at Minion]
Megamind: You look fantastic.

[the pull out bed bursts and reveals a buffed up Hal]
Hal: What’s going on?
[Megamind’s disguised as Jor-El]
Megamind: Easy, my child.
Hal: Who are you?
Megamind: I sent you to this planet to teach you about justice, honor and nobility. I am your father.
Hal: So you’re like, my space dad?
Megamind: Yeah, I’m like your space dad.
Hal: And you are what?
Minion: I’m your space stepmom. I’ve had some work done recently.

Total Quotes: 123