Men in Black 3 Quotes – ‘Is there anybody here who is not an alien?’

Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Jemaine Clement, Emma Thompson, Michael Stuhlbarg, Mike Colter, Nicole Scherzinger, Michael Chernus, Alice Eve, David Rasche, Keone Young, Bill Hader, Cayen Martin

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Sci-fi action comedy sequel directed by Barry Sonnenfeld. The story continues with agents J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) protecting the Earth from alien scum. However, when an alien criminal called Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) escapes, he goes back in time to kill K in order to allow his species, a ruthless alien race known as Boglodites, to attack Earth. This forces Agent J to go back in time and team up with K’s younger self (Josh Brolin) on a mission to save his partner and the world.

Our Favorite Quotes:

‘A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway.’ – Griffin (Men in Black 3) Click To Tweet ‘The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lies.’ – Griffin (Men in Black 3) Click To Tweet ‘Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.’ - Agent J (Men in Black 3) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 95)

[first lines; a girl in an S&M-type costume with the name ‘Boris’ tattooed on her back, enters a maximum-security facility carrying a cake]
Prison Guard #1: Well, well, Boris The Animal has a visitor. I guess one every four years is okay.
[the other guard scans the cake]
Boris’ Girlfriend: It’s a cake.
Prison Guard #2: I decide what it is.
[the scan reads that it’s ceramic cookware and organic matter
Prison Guard #2: Looks like some kind of cake. She’s clean. Well, not clean, but you know!
[both guards laugh]

Prison Guard #3: Boris The Animal, you’ve got a visitor.
Boris The Animal: It’s just Boris.
[to the girl entering the cell]
Boris The Animal: Your letters have been a soul nourishing tonic.
Boris’ Girlfriend: And you are much more unconventionally handsome than your photos.
[he kisses her with his extremely long tongue and the guards look grossed out]
Prison Guard #4: This ain’t a conjugal visit, so quit your conjugating.
Boris The Animal: When was the last time you conjugated anything?
[to the girl]
Boris The Animal: I see you’ve brought me a treat, darling.

[to the guards]
Boris The Animal: Would you mind cutting this up for us? It’s a special day. I’m a romantic like that.
[the girl holds out the cake towards the guard, one of them steps forward and sticks his finger out to place in the cake]
Boris The Animal: Oh, I wouldn’t do that.
Prison Guard #4: Why is that?
Boris The Animal: It’ll ruin your figure.
[the guard shoves his hand in the cake, suddenly a small spider-like alien leaps out of the cake, shoots spikes into the guards’ foreheads, killing them, it unlocks Boris’ chains, then crawls inside a hole in his palm]
Boris The Animal: You complete me.

[as Boris and the girl break into the arms room and steal a giant gun, they pass an adjacent cell, one of the prisoners yells]
Obadiah Price: Boris, you promised to take me with you! We had a deal!
[Boris opens the prisoners cell]
Boris The Animal: Obadiah Price. Yes, I did make you a promise.
[Boris holds up his hand and shoots him in the head with a palm spike]

[as Boris breaks out through to another cell he is greeted with dozens more guards all pointing their weapons at him]
Lunar Guard: You can’t win, Boris.
Boris The Animal: Mm, let’s agree to disagree.
Lunar Guard: There’s too many of us.
Boris The Animal: Rather hot in here, mind if I open a window?
[Boris shoots a hole in the ceiling, the guards get sucked out into outer space, Boris uses the claws on his feet to hold on to the floor, the girl tries to holds onto Boris’ arm so as to not get sucked out]
Boris The Animal: Sorry, darling. We did love the cake.
[he callously lets her go and she gets sucked out into outer space]

[as Boris breaks out of the prison, he lands on the surface of the moon, he looks straight ahead and says]
Boris The Animal: Let’s rewrite history, shall we K?

[addressing crowd of people who have witnessed a flying saucer crash]
Agent K: Good afternoon. Please give your attention to my associate, Agent J. He’s going to demonstrate an Electro-Biomechanical-Neuro-Transmitting-Zero-Synapses-Repositioner, we call it the Neuralizer.
[to J]
Agent K: Better keep it simple.
[J turns to the crowd]
Agent J: Thank you, Agent K. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if you will, look right here.
[he holds up the Neuralizer and flashes the crowd]
Agent J: Okay. You know how you’re on an airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell phone off, and you’re like; I ain’t turning my cell phone off, that’s doing no harm to the damn airplane?
[pointing to the saucer crash behind him]
Agent J: Well, this is what we get. That’s what happens, it gets up there, bounces around on the satellite, and bam! Just turn your damn cell phone off. Now you’re going to drop off a cliff cause your GPS don’t work.

[referring to the donar kebab meat that’s being roasted on a vertical spit]
Agent J: Seriously, I’m not even sure that’s meat! I think I just saw a tooth in that thing, or a claw, a hoof.
[K takes buys a kebab from the kebab vendor and walks off]
Agent J: That does not belong in a pita, it belongs in a casket.
Agent K: You know, it feels good to eat in silence.
Agent J: But see, here’s the problem. You can’t smell it, because your nose already smells like that, where my nose doesn’t.
Agent K: Silence feels good with a lot of things. Did you ever try it, or is talking the way you breathe?
Agent J: If you hate me, you should just say you hate me. Don’t take it out on the car.
Agent K: You know, I’m enjoying this.
Agent J: Wow! Enjoyment. So, that’s what enjoyment looks like on that face. I like that emotion.
Agent K: Let’s keep emotion out of it.
Agent J: Out of what, K? Life?

Agent J: Sure you don’t want to run it be me, let me know what you’re going to say tonight?
Agent K: Don’t worry.
Agent J: Oh, no. I’m worried. Very worried. It’s the man’s eulogy, you’re going to have to show some feeling. You know that thing that human people do, when they change the expression on their face?
Agent K: I worked with Z for forty years, he was a hell of an agent and I have written a hell of a speech for him. People will be moved.
[J doesn’t look convinced]
Agent J: Mm-hmm.

[at the MIB headquarters, K delivers a eulogy for the recently departed Z]
Agent K: I worked with Z for over forty year, and in all that time he never invited me to dinner. He never asked me to his house, or watch a game. He never shared a single detail of his personal life.
[he pauses for a moment]
Agent K: Thank you.
[K walks off and comes to stand next to J, who looks amazed at K’s short eulogy]
Mannix: And now we will hear from our new chief, Agent O.
Agent O: Thank you, Agent K. That was very moving.
[J turns to K as he stands next to him]
Agent J: That was your eulogy?
Agent K: He was a good man.

[giving her eulogy for Agent Z]
Agent O: Ladies, gentlemen, other life forms. When I told the Fenution Zyglot about Z’s passing, she said something that I’m going to repeat, and I’m paraphrasing.
[suddenly O starts screeching out loud, speaking in Zyglot’s language, J looks around him very confused]
Agent O: That’s just so Z. Thank you.

[after Z’s eulogy J and K are driving around in the city]
Agent J: Can you promise me, if I go first, you’ll do better than that at my funeral? You know, something like, uh, “J was a friend, now there’s a big part of me that’s gone. Oh, J, all the things that I should have said, except I was too old and craggy and surly, and just tight. Cause I was too tight. Now I’m going to just miss your caramel, brown skin.”
Agent K: I’ll wing something.

Agent J: Man, how did you get to be like you? Seriously, something happened, K. What happened?
Agent K: You know how I lived such a happy life.
Agent J: How you lived such a happy life?
Agent K: I don’t ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to.
Agent J: Mm-hmm. That’s deep.

[Boris heads to an electronics store run by Jeffrey Price, the son of Obadiah Price]
Jeffrey Price: Do I know you?
Boris The Animal: You’re services are legendary, so says your father, Obadiah.
Jeffrey Price: You were in Lunar Max.
Boris The Animal: There is no prison that can hold me.
Jeffrey Price: Cool for you. What do you need from me, man?
Boris The Animal: The device. I’m going back in time to kill a man, before he takes my arm.

[as K and J check out the intestinal worms being served to humans at a Chinese restaurant]
Agent J: Ooh, man! These look like they come from the planet damn.

[K and J are sat at a table the Chinese restaurant with the intestinal worm problem]
Agent J: That was just mean, what you did to Hula back there. That’s just disrespectful.
Agent K: I used to play a game with my dad, what would you have for your last meal. We could do worse than this.
Agent J: Oh. Okay. Um, I used to play a game with my dad called catch. Except I would throw the ball and it would just hit the wall, cause he wasn’t there.
Agent K: Don’t bad mouth your old man.
Agent J: I’m not bad mouthing him, I’m just, uh, didn’t really know him.
Agent K: That’s not right.
Agent J: You damn right, it’s not right. A little boy needs a father.
Agent K: Table one hasn’t ordered a thing. Table three, over there, just drank his fourth cup of Doug’s boss.

[K gets a call from O]
Agent O: Hey, the crashed ship from this morning, was stolen from…
Agent K: Lunar Max Prison. Boris The Animal.
Agent O: How did you know?
Agent K: He always had a taste for Spikey Bulba. Give us a minute, will you, Chief.
[he hangs up on O]
Agent J: We’re in a situation.
[an alien walks into the restaurant and turns the open sign to closed]
Agent K: Yeah. I’ll take the Choloropod, you take the Taranovi and the Hydronian over there. I’ll take whoever’s in the kitchen and meet you on the street.
Agent J: This is a very confusing time in my life.
[suddenly one of the aliens gets his alien gun out and the women behind the counters screams, J shoots the alien and K starts shooting at the other aliens in the restaurant]

[as J is battling with a giant alien fish, K runs back to the kitchen, he sees that the restaurant proprietor has been shot with one of Boris’ hand spikes and races up to the roof to confront Boris]
Boris The Animal: Hello, K.
Agent K: Boris The Animal.
Boris The Animal: It’s just Boris!
Agent K: You haven’t changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is still shot off.
Boris The Animal: Yes, my arm. We’ve thought about that moment, every day for the last forty years.
Agent K: Well, that’s just not living a full life.
Boris The Animal: I can promise you it will be longer than yours.
Agent K: Lonelier too, since you’re the last Bogladyte standing.
Boris The Animal: We’ll see about that. But first, I wanted the pleasure of killing you.
[just at the moment that Boris holds his palm up to release his palm spike, J opens door to the roof and interjects the spike]
Agent J: Yoh, K…
[J and K use the door to shield themselves from Boris’ hand spikes]
Agent K: Where the hell have you been?
as Boris is shooting his spikes, J and K jump off the roof, using the door to break their fall, Boris looks down on them from the edge of the roof]
Boris The Animal: You don’t know it, K. But you’re already dead.

[after the fight with the aliens and Boris, J joins K at the bar in Chinese restaurant]
Agent J: Man, I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how you feel.
Agent K: Boris The Animal. Putt him away a long time ago, it was the worst mistake I ever made.
Agent J: Why? Was he innocent?
Agent K: Should have killed him.
Agent J: Let’s go get him.
Agent K: No.
Agent J: No?
Agent K: Lunar belongs above your pay grade.
Agent J: We’re partners, we have the same pay grade.
Agent K: It has nothing to do with you, mind your own business.
Agent J: Okay, first of all, let’s get a little bit of that base out of your voice. And secondly, as long as spiky boy’s running around town, this is my whole business.
Agent K: You will forget about Boris, or my report will reflect that your conduct is unbecoming.
Agent J: Well maybe my report is going to reflect some shit too, K.
Agent K: You are suspended for two weeks.
Agent J: Bullshit!
Agent K: Four weeks.
[K gets up from the bar and starts walking out of the restaurant]
Agent J: How about I quit?
[as K opens the door to leave]
Agent K: There are things out there you do not need to know!
Agent J: That’s not the lie you told me when you recruited me!

[after J heads back to MIB headquarters, he finds out that Boris was responsible for some alien murders in 1969, K stopped the Bogladytes and set up the Ark Net defense system and the Bogladytes starved on their way to the next planet]
Agent O: So, why the sudden interest in your partner’s old exploits, hmm?
Agent J: What happened between Boris and K?
Agent O: That’s easy, K imprisoned Boris, he put up the Ark Net, he protected the earth from the Bogladyte. He did his job.
Agent J: You know that’s not what I’m asking you. Cape Canaveral, what happened?
Agent O: Something that changed him. Leave it at that.
Agent J: So you two go way back, huh?
Agent O: That’s classified. A word of advice, Agent J. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.
Agent J: That’s funny, that is exactly what K said.
Agent O: He’s a very wise man. Take the rest of the night off.

[as J is sat in his room at home playing a video game he gets a call from K]
Agent K: Guess I owe you some answers, boss?
Agent J: What, you feeling all chatty all of a sudden? Sorry, I can’t talk right now, I got some secret cases of my own I’m working on.
Agent K: I hate to tare you away from your video game.
Agent J: Alright, I’m hanging up.
[as he’s about to hang up he hears K]
Agent K: Do you know the most destructive force in the universe?
Agent J: Sugar?
Agent K: Regret.
Agent J: You don’t have to wait, just talk.
Agent K: I promised you the secrets of the universe, nothing more.
Agent J: So what, there’s some secrets out there that the universe don’t know about?
[K doesn’t answer, J gets fed up and hangs up, K then gets an alien gun, sits in his chair and is then suddenly sucked into a space-time vortex]

[after K is killed, J arrives to pick up K the next morning but finds K’s apartment is occupied by a random lady with kids, he goes to MIB headquarters, gets into the elevator and is joined by another agent who seems to thinks J is his partner]
Agent AA: J, everything you told me yesterday, you were right as rain. Thank God for that ten hour stakeout.
Agent J: Uh, who are you?
Agent AA: Exactly. I feel like a whole new man today, like this great weight has been lifted. I mean, I’ve got these anger issues my entire life, but now I can see I was just mad at myself, and my step mom.
Agent J: Sir, I’m going to need you to stop talking.
Agent AA: It’s like I’ve closed this emotional window. But yesterday I threw a brick right through that window, and I just want to thank you for handing me that brick, J.
Agent J: Okay, whoever you are, I need you to give me five feet, or I’m going to pluck you in your throat.
Agent AA: Okay, well I’m going to go to the little men’s in black room and then we’ll go find those morons from Poxlythera. Lunch is on me.
[as he walks off he slaps J playfully on his ass, J stops another agent walking past him]
Agent J: Who was that?
MIB Agent: Double A, your partner.

[as no one seems to remember K at MIB headquarters, J thinks everybody is playing a trick on him]
Agent J: K? Alright. You got me. I’ll give it to you, it’s funny, very elaborate. Oh, and all of you…
[pointing to all the other agents]
Agent J: Fantastic performances. Okay, I believe you waited fourteen years to develop a sense of humor, but this was a good one. But, K, I need you to come out here now, cause I’m really starting to get a little bit pissed off.
Agent O: Agent J, would you mind keeping your voice down, and telling me who it is you are looking for?
Agent J: I’m looking for K!
Agent O: Who is K?
[J gets frustrated]
Agent J: You too? You too?
Agent O: I mean, who is he to you?
Agent J: My partner! Older gentleman. Hundred and ten, maybe a hundred and eleven years old, sort of surly, Elvis thing happening with him. He smiles, like this…
[J scowls his face trying to imitate K’s face]
Agent O: I’ll take you to K.
Agent J: Thank you.

[O shows J a bunch of statue heads, honoring dead agents, of which one is of K’s head]
Agent J: What is that supposed to be?
Agent O: That’s K. He’s been dead for over forty years.
Agent J: No. Okay, see, the pre-requisite for a joke, is that it be funny.
Agent O: It’s never been funny.

[after O shows J on the computer how K was killed by Boris The Animal in 1969]
Agent J: That’s not what happened, I just looked at this report. K put Boris away…
Agent O: Agent K is dead!
Agent J: Well, I just talked to him last night!
Agent O: You are imagining things.
Agent J: I’m not imagining anything.
[O turns to another agent]
Agent O: I need a psyche team up here right now.
[O starts walking off]
Agent J: Aqua Velva after shave! I didn’t imagine that. Where every stakeout, endless hours of cowboy music. Where every morning with his coffee, and he’d say, ‘I’ll tell you something, slick. This coffee tastes like dirt.’ And I was supposed to say, ‘What do you expect? It was just ground this morning.’
[O repeats the same line and turns to J]
Agent O: How do you know that?

[the agent that had gone to get J some chocolate milk comes up to J with the milk]
Chocolate milk, sir.
Agent J: Where you been, man? It was like an hour ago.
[J starts chugging the chocolate milk]
Agent O: Wait. How long have you been craving chocolate iced dairy products?
Agent J: Just today.
Agent O: Are you experiencing headaches, dizziness, loss of balance?
Agent J: Mm-hmm.
Agent O: Agitation, depression?
Agent J: Hell, yeah!
Agent O: There are only two possibilities. One is you’ve been bitten by the Horbathion brain tick, you could die in horrible agony at any moment.
[suddenly O slaps J hard in the face]
Agent J: Aah!
Agent O: Dammit. It’s not the tick.
Agent J: Dammit it’s not the tick? There’s something worse than the tick?
Agent O: Mm.

Agent O: Your obsession with chocolate milk indicates that you might be involved in some sort of temporal fracture.
Agent J: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Agent O: Chocolate milk relieves temporal fracture headaches.
Agent J: What’s a temporal fracture?
Agent O: A break in the time line.
Agent J: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Agent O: Time travel! Time travel.
Agent J: There is no such thing as time travel.
Agent O: Well, there is.
Agent J: No, there’s not. Because if there were, a class one senior agent, such as myself, would have been made aware of it, wouldn’t he have?
Agent O: Were it not classified and way above his pay grade.
Agent J: You know what? I need a raise.
Agent O: There was one man, scum-bag, Obadiah Price. He figured it out, we busted him, we made time travel illegal throughout the universe, and he is serving life on Lunar Max.
Agent J: No, that’s where Boris was locked up.
Agent O: If Boris could work out how to time jump, he could seriously change the course of history.
[just then alarms go off as a massive Bogladyte fleet is on its way to Earth]

[after the alarm goes off warning about the Bogladytes attacking earth]
Agent J: Bogladyte, Boris is a Bogladyte. But they’re extinct.
Agent O: Apparently not.
[the computer alarm confirms that catastrophic earth attack is imminent]
Agent J: Put up the Ark Net!
Agent O: The what?
Agent J: The Ark Net, the defense system. K got it specifically for the Bogladytes.
Agent O: There is no K. He’s been dead for over forty years.
[J thinks for a moment and figures out what Boris has done]
Agent J: No K. The defense system. Boris jumped back and killed him.
Agent O: If you want to save the world, you’re going to have to stop that from happening. You have to find Jeffrey Price, he’s Obadiah’s son. Let’s hope the little squirt hasn’t skipped town.
[J leaves the MIB headquarters to fine Jeffrey Price]

[J finds Jeffrey Price working in his electronic store, as J enters the store]
Jeffrey Price: Hi, how can I help you? We’re having an amazing sale on batteries.
[suddenly J takes his gun and holds it towards Jeffrey’s face]
Jeffrey Price: Woh! Okay! We got other stuff, like headphones, adapters…!
Agent J: You helped Boris The Animal Time Jump.
Jeffrey Price: Woh! Woh! Okay, I had to! That dude’s a freak!
Agent J: He killed my partner. I want to know when and where you sent him.
Jeffrey Price: What? You think I keep like a log book?
[he looks down at the notebook in front of him on the counter, J opens the books and reads the entry]
Agent J: ‘Target vector, July 16, 1969.’
[J holds his gun in Jeffrey’s face again]
Jeffrey Price: Alright! Alright! That’s a real bummer about your buddy. I’m sure that he was like a really great guy, but terms of the whole space-time continuum, your friend was like a little bleep on the historical radar.
[J turns Jeffrey round to show him the TV monitors showing the news of the attack on earth by Bogladytes]
Jeffrey Price: Oh, that’s a big bleep.

Jeffrey Price: Okay, what’s the plan?
Agent J: You’re going to send me back to July 15, 1969.
Jeffrey Price: No, that’s a stupid plan, because I sent Boris to July 16.
Agent J: I’m not worried about that one. I’m going to go back and kill the younger Boris, before the older one even shows up.
Jeffrey Price: That’ll mean neither of them will even exist! That’s why you get to wear the black suit.
[Jeffrey holds his hand out for out for a fist pump, J just looks at him coldly]
Jeffrey Price: No. You’re going to leave me hanging? Okay. Oh, I just thought of something. You know, even way back then, New York was like a biggish city, so I mean, how are you going to really find him?
Agent J: On July 15, Boris killed an alien , Roman The Fabulist, at Coney Island…
Jeffrey Price: And you’re going to get there first and be waiting for him? Dude, they should give you like, two black suits!
Agent J: My man, for real?
Jeffrey Price: Oh, right. Sorry. Uh, this is the real deal time jump gear.
[Jeffrey shows J the device]
Jeffrey Price: Very rare, very old. But first, we got to get high.
Agent J: Hey, no!
Jeffrey Price: No. No, I mean really high.
[cut to scene where J gets to the top of the Chrysler Building]

[at the top of the Chrysler Building]
Jeffrey Price: You know the rules of the time jumps, right?
Agent J: Give me the short version.
Jeffrey Price: Okay. You want to save your partner? Word of advice; stay away from him.
Agent J: Yeah, I got it. Stay away from K, just kill Boris.
Jeffrey Price: Now, take these cause it gets pretty windy on the way down.
[he hands J a pair of goggles]
Agent J: The way down?
Jeffrey Price: And with your eyes tearing up, it’s hard to read the time dial. Plus it helps you look like a real time traveler, which is cool.
Agent J: I’m not jumping off of this building!
Jeffrey Price: Time jump!
[he takes the time travel device]
Jeffrey Price: Okay. Now, I got to set this thing to fifteen…
[he sets the date and year to 1969]
Jeffrey Price: That seems right-ish. Now, all you got to do is jump.

[Jeffrey pushes J forward to the edge of the Chrysler building]
Agent J: Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop!
[J starts moving slowly towards the edge of the building]
Jeffrey Price: Now, as soon as you’re moving fast enough, that circle is going to fill up with some sort of green time travel liquid, or some such, and it’s going to glow really bright. As soon as that happens, you need to break that blue laser line with your thumb to complete the circuit. At this height, that should be, uh, let’s see, mass of earth of thirty something feet per minute, uh…
Agent J: It’s thirty two feet, per second, per second!
Jeffrey Price: That sounds right-ish. So that would be, I guess, uh, about two feet off the ground.
Agent J: Then I break the laser line?
Jeffrey Price: No! Don’t break it!
Agent J: No, I mean, when I’m fast enough!
Jeffrey Price: Sounds good!
Agent J: Boy, do I break the laser line, or do I not break the laser line?
Jeffrey Price: Do not lose that time device, or you will be stuck in 1969! It wasn’t the best time for your people.
[J turns to face Jeffrey]
Jeffrey Price: I’m just saying. It’s like a lot cooler now.
Agent J: How will I know if it works?
Jeffrey Price: You’ll either know, or you won’t!

[J puts on the goggles, getting ready to jump off the Chrysler building]
Jeffrey Price: You must really love this guy to do this.
Oh, wait! How come I remember K, but nobody else does?
Jeffrey Price: Woh! That means you were there!
I was where?
Jeffrey Price: If you survive, you got to come back and tell me everything! Okay?
Where was I?
[Jeffrey notices the Bogladyte ships are getting close to the city]
Jeffrey Price: You got to go! Just go! Go! Go!
[as J jumps off the building, he falls through time, past dinosaurs, the stock crash of the 1920s, World War II, until finally landing back on top of the Chrysler building in July 15, 1969]

[J feeling disorientated from his time jump, takes the lift down in the Chrysler building, he enters the elevator, standing next to the man already in it]
Agent J: My, man, what’s the day?
1969 Man in Elevator: Tuesday.
Agent J: The date?
1969 Man in Elevator: The fifteenth.
Agent J: Of?
1969 Man in Elevator: July!
Agent J: Duh! The year?
1969 Man in Elevator: 1969!
Agent J: Thank you! Looking at me like I’m crazy!

[in Coney Island, the younger Boris turns up on his bike looking for Roman The Fabulist, he stops his bike in front of two young hippies]
Coney Island Hippie: Far out, man!
[the man goes to touch Boris’ bike]
Boris The Animal: If you want to keep that, I wouldn’t.
Coney Island Flower Child: Make love, not war.
Boris The Animal: I prefer to do both.
[the two young hippies laugh, Boris watches then for a moment and then imitates their laughter and rides off on his bike]

[after J steals a car from a rich white guy and makes his way to Coney Island, he gets pulled over by two white cops]
Agent J: How are you officers? What can I do you for?
[the cops ignore J]
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Well, look at this. Power windows, powers seats. I’ll bet you the thing costs six grand.
Agent J: Uh, yes, and it has a roof, but it’s hidden.
1969 NYPD Cop #2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An individual of your particular ethnic persuasion?
Agent J: Mm.
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Maybe he’s a noted athlete.
Agent J: Mm. Yes, uh, starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Where did you get the car?
1969 NYPD Cop #2: And the suit?
Agent J: I stole them, both. Uh, car from your wife, the suit from your grandmother.

[as the cops have J bent over the car as they give him a shakedown]
Agent J: Hey!
[one of the cops finds J’s gun]
1969 NYPD Cop #1: What do we have here? Concealed weapon?
Agent J: Hey, it’s his grandmother’s suit!
[the other cop takes J’s neuralizer]
1969 NYPD Cop #2: Hey, what’s this?
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Probably drugs.
Agent J: Listen, I have rights and I demand to see my lawyer before you press that small button on the side firmly.
1969 NYPD Cop #1: Press it.
[the cop holding the neuralizer presses the button and they are both neuralized]
Agent J: That gentlemen is a standard issue Neuralizer, but you’re not going to remember that. And just because you see a black man driving in a nice car, does not mean he stole it.
[J pauses for a moment before admitting]
Agent J: I stole that one. But not cause I’m black!
[J gets back in the car and as he drives off he promises to give the car back to the owner]

[after J fails to stop Boris from killing Roman The Fabulist at the at the Coney Island fair, J tries to shoot Boris but he’s intercepted by the younger K who electrocutes J and takes him MIB headquarters]
Agent J: You need to turn the electricity down on that damn thing. Can’t touch my frigging tongue, K.
Young Agent K: How do you know my name?
Agent J: What, cause I called you K? I call everybody K. It’s kind of my thing.
[J turns to one of the agents walking past him]
Agent J: What up, K?
[to another agent walking past him]
Agent J: K! What’s up?
[J turns to K]
Agent J: It’s, uh, it’s kind of my thing. I just, some people like it. Most people.
Young Agent K: Now I know what you look like when you’re lying.

[K places J’s gun, neuralizer and the time travel device on the desk]
Young Agent K: Why don’t you show me what you look like when you’re telling the truth?
Agent J: I won those at Coney Island on the ring toss.
Young Agent K: I won a stuffed bear once, but never one of these. You must be good, slick.
Agent J: Alright, sir. I was minding my own business, I was out there waiting for my girl, who by the way is probably worried sick looking for me right now. So, I just, I need to, I need my things and I need to get back to her.
Young Agent K: What’s your gal’s name?
Agent J: Huh?
Young Agent K: Your gal, what’s her name?
Agent J: Shtern.
Young Agent K: Shtern?
[J nods his head]
Young Agent K: I bet Shtern likes that suit of yours, hm?
Agent J: What, it’s a crime to wear a black suit? Alright, listen. I haven’t done anything wrong, and I need to get out of here so I cannot be here with you.

[young O interrupts young K’s interrogation of J]
Young Agent O: Terribly sorry.
[turns to young K]
Young Agent O: X is frightfully upset about the whole Coney Island incident.
Young Agent K: Thanks for the heads up.
[young K takes a sip of his coffee]
Young Agent K: Oh, man. This coffee tastes like dirt.
Young Agent O: What do you expect? It was just ground this morning.
[J repeats the last line with young O]
Agent J: O?
[young K looks at J suspiciously]
Agent J: Now, I call ladies O. To me, O is feminine, K is masculine. I see a couple, I’m like, OK!

Young Agent K: Okay, slick.
Agent J: I was waiting for my girl.
Young Agent K: Shtern.
Agent J: Yes, she’s Greek.
Young Agent K: Okay, just one last thing. An eye exam.

[J is now strapped and being carried towards a giant old fashioned neuralizer]
Agent J: That’s not an eye exam, K! That’s a big-assed neuralizer!
Young Agent K: You sure know a lot of information for a fellow who doesn’t know anything.
Agent J: I see what you’re saying.
[as the MIB Techs turn J to enter him into the giant neuralizer]
Agent J: Woh! Hey, you know what, K? We need to hold up a second. K?
MIB Tech #1: Let’s just get this bite guard in here.
Agent J: Hey, back up! Back up!
[to young K]
Agent J: K, listen. I think we got off on the wrong foot, alright? So, let’s just stop for a second and talk. Don’t put me in here, K!
Young Agent K: Too late, hoss.
[J gets entered into the neuralizer]

[after J has been entered into the giant neuralizer]
Agent J: K! Listen to me! If you erase me, you erase the whole world!
[the neuralizer starts counting down from 15 seconds to neuralization]
Agent J: When you see Boris tomorrow, K, kill him. Do not arrest him, kill him!
[suddenly young K stops the neuralizer]
Agent J: Is this thing off? Hey, I don’t think it’s all the way off, K. It’s whirling and buzzing. I don’t know if I don’t know nothing.

[as J is ejected out of the neuralizer]
Young Agent K: I knew Roman. His wife cooked me dinner once, and while it was not pleasant, he was my friend. Last chance. Who are you and what do you know?
Agent J: I’m an agent in Men in Black, but I’m from the future. We’re partners. Twenty five years from now, you’re going to recruit me, fourteen years after that, the guy you didn’t let me kill today at Coney Island, he escapes from prison and jumps back in the past and unleashes a full scale invasion of earth. We got about nineteen hours to catch him and kill him, so really, we need to go right now.
[J takes a breath, young K gives him a blank look for a moment before replying]
Young Agent K: Alright.

Agent J: So that’s the story you believe?
Young Agent K: That one was the truth. It wasn’t the whole truth, but I guess it’ll do for now?
Agent J: What the hell are you talking about? Of course it’s the whole truth. I told you everything. Problem with a lie is, once you start lying, you put yourself…
[young K gives J a cold look]

[as they get into young K’s car after leaving MIB headquarters]
Young Agent K: Okay, future man, where to?
Agent J: I don’t know.
Young Agent K: What do you mean, you don’t know?
Agent J: I don’t know. Uh, go wherever you went last time.
Young Agent K: I haven’t been here last time. I didn’t tell you where I went?
Agent J: No, I mean, we don’t really talk.
Young Agent K: What kind of partners sit in a car all day everyday for fourteen years and don’t talk?
Agent J: Exactly! And this is the type of problem it causes, it’s dysfunctional.
Young Agent K: Alright, sport. You better get useful real quick or you’re going back in room forty three.
Agent J: Man, uh, there was something in the file about a factory. Something happened at a factory.

[young K looks at J coldly]
Agent J: Hey, look man, you can put your Jedi knight on me all you want. That’s all I got.
[young K turns and starts the car]
Agent J: Did I spark something?
Young Agent K: Roman had this on his person when he was murdered.
[he hands J a matchbook from a place called Cosmic Bowling Lanes]
Young Agent K: It’s a matchbook.
Agent J: No, it’s a clue. He didn’t smoke.

[as young K drives J keeps looking and him]
Young Agent K: You lose something over here, Honda?
Agent J: No, uh, hey man, how old are you?
Young Agent K: Twenty-nine.
Agent J: Ooph! You got some city miles on you.
Young Agent K: I’m starting to understand why we don’t talk.

[as young K and J head to Cosmic Bowling Lane, K leaves J handcuffed in the car while he checks the place out alone]
Young Agent K: Need to see the boss.
Four-Armed Alien: He’s busy.
Young Agent K: Mm. Alright, well, I might just take a look around.
[suddenly the alien draws his four arms, all holding a gun pointed at young K while K draws his gun and points it at the alien at the same time]
Young Agent K: Looks like we have ourselves a standoff.
Four-Armed Alien: Looks that way.
[suddenly J hits the four armed alien over the head from behind knocking him out]
Agent J: Still keep the key under the ashtray.
Young Agent K: Lucky guess.

[young K turns to the other alien]
Young Agent K: Now where were we?
Bowling Ball Head: I was just about to tell you to screw off.
[to J]
Young Agent K: Hey, slick, you bowl in the future?
Agent J: Absolutely. I might be league champ three years running.
Young Agent K: Well, let’s see it.
[young K rips off the head of the alien which is shaped like a bowling ball]
Bowling Ball Head: You did not just walk into my establishment and rip my head off!
[J holds the head of the alien between his hands]
Agent J: My man, look. We don’t have a lot of time for this, we really need you tell him something.
Bowling Ball Head: Tell him this!
[where his body is standing he sticks arm out, J gets frustrated and starts playing bowling with the alien’s head until he tells them that where his boss is]

[after young K and J fined the alien that runs the Bowling Lane has been killed by Boris]
Young Agent K: Well, we’re on the right track.
Agent J: Just the wrong train.
Young Agent K: If he had any secrets, I guess he spilled them.
Agent J: Smart man would figure out what your victims have in common.
Young Agent K: Smart man would.
[young K takes out a giant old looking cellphone from his jacket]
Agent J: That’s a big-assed phone.
[as K makes a call on the phone]
Agent J: Don’t put that up to your head!

See more Men in Black 3 Quotes

[after they figure out that all of Boris’s victims hang out at a place called The Factory]
Agent J: Alright, look. If Boris turns out to be in here, I’m going to kill him. I need my gun.
Young Agent K: No deal.
Agent J: I’ve been an agent for fourteen years, which means that I am the senior agent on this case. Now, I hate to pull rank, but as senior agent I am instructing my junior agent, that’s you, to give me my gun right now. That’s an order.
[young K hands J a hand gun]
Agent J: No, no, no. Space gun.
Young Agent K: You’re welcome.
[young K walks off]
Agent J: I didn’t say thank you.

[referring to the models they pass as they enter The Factory, which is where all super models hang out
Young Agent K: Such an ungainly species, they really thrive here on earth.
Agent J: Yeah, I was an agent for three years before I realized all models were aliens. I found out the hard way.

[referring to everyone at the party in The Factory]
Agent J: Is there anybody here who is not an alien?
[as they look around them J notices a man that looks like Andy Warhol taking photos]
Agent J: Is that Andy Warhol?
Young Agent K: Yep.

[as J and young K drag Warhol from the party]
Andy Warhol: Dammit, K! You trying to blow my cover?
[Warhol takes off his wig and glasses]
Young Agent K: Agent W, your cover is safe.
Agent J: Woh! Andy Warhol’s one of us?
Andy Warhol: Safe! You out of your mind? I’m starting to have ideas on painting soup cans and bananas, for Christ sakes!
Agent J: Actually, Mr. Warhol, I got to tell you, I really love your work.
Andy Warhol: Oh. Oh. Thank you.

[to young K]
Andy Warhol: Who’s the dumbass?
Agent J: Woh! Hey! How about a little professional courtesy here?
Andy Warhol: What’s that, dumbass?
Agent J: Say it again.
Andy Warhol: You want me to?
Agent J: I dare you.
Andy Warhol: Dumbass.
Young Agent K: Agents!
Agent J: You know, I don’t have no problem pimp-slapping the shiznit out of Andy Warhol.

Andy Warhol: What?
[young K turns to give J a cold look]
Agent J: Why you looking at me? Oh, alright. You know what? Agent K, why don’t you see what information you can get from Agent W, and I’ll go case the perimeter. Does that work for everybody?
Andy Warhol: Go do that.
Agent J: Alright? How about that? Okay?
[J throws Warhol’s wig to the other side of the room and walks off]
Andy Warhol: Cute! Very nice. Did someone forget his nap? Huh?

[referring to J]
Andy Warhol: Who’s that guy? Okay, don’t tell me he’s your new partner.
Young Agent K: Actually, he’s my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet…
Andy Warhol: Jesus! Stop, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

Andy Warhol: So what are you doing on my turf, K?
Young Agent K: Tracking a killer, a Bogladyte. We have reason to believe he’s going to hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol: Glamourian?
Young Agent K: Mm.
Andy Warhol: Right solar system, wrong planet. He’s got to be after the Arkanian.
Young Agent K: No, Arkanian’s are extinct.
Andy Warhol: Well, apparently they’re not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuits all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name’s Griffin. Griffin The Arkanian.

[while young K is talking to Warhol, J encounters Griffin at the party not knowing who he is]
Agent J: How’s is it going?
Griffin: Going? How’s it going? Well, that depends. For me personally, it’s good, things are good. Unless, of course, we’re in the possible future where the muscle boy near the door gets into an argument with his girlfriend, which causes her to storm away and bump into the guy carrying the stuffed mushroom, who then dumps the tray onto those sailors on leave and a shoving match breaks out and they crash into the coffee table here. In which case, I got to move my plate like right now.
[J watches as everything Griffin says happens]

Griffin: Or, if it’s the possible future, in which the pastrami sandwich I’m eating causes me gastric distress. But thankfully your friend, sir, will offer some of the antacids he carries in his right pocket. So I’ll be good, I’ll be good. Except in the case of the possible future where I have to leave in two and a half minutes, just before he has a chance to offer me the antacids. So, on the whole, I’d have to say, not good. I’m not good.
[J gives Griffin a confused look]
Griffin: But that depends.
Agent J: K!

Young Agent K: Well, how are we going to find this guy?
Andy Warhol: What am I, a schmuck?
[Warhol points to the party]
Young Agent K: What, he’s here?
Andy Warhol: Well, here is a relative term. He’s a fifth dimensional being. They can live in and visualize an infinite set of time space probability simultaneously
Young Agent K: Alright, sounds like fun. Good work.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: Woh! Woh! K! K! K! You got to fake my death, okay? I can’t listen to sitar music anymore.
Young Agent K: Alright, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll talk to X.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: K, I can’t tell the women from the men!

Griffin: May I see your watch?
Agent J: Oh, it is…
[J looks at his watch]
Agent J: Seven-eighteen.
Griffin: No! No! No! Your other watch. The one your father gave you?
Agent J: How do you know about my father’s watch?
[J takes out his father’s watch which is broken]
Griffin: Oh, dear. This is the one where Roman is dead and the gentlemen at the bowling alley. So much death. Such an infinitesimally small chance for success.
Agent J: [shouts] K!

[as Griffin is talking to J at Warhol’s party, young K appears beside Griffin]
Young Agent K: Griffin, right?
[Griffin nods his head]
Young Agent K: Okay, we’re here…
Griffin: Because of Boris The Animal.
Young Agent K: Correct. We believe that he may be coming to…
Griffin: Kill me. Yes, he’ll be here in two minutes. Unless, of course, we’re in the possible future where he made all the lights and got here early and is just about to discharge a weapon from the doorway. In which case, we’re all dead in two seconds.
[they all look at the door, waiting for Boris to appear but nothing happens]
Griffin: Ah, good! That was a close one. They consume any planet in their path! Mine, Roman’s! The Parlaxions are trying to stop them, but if we can stop them here, if we can deny them earth, we can stop them forever! They’ll starve before they reach the next planet. It’s sixty three seconds.
Young Agent K: How do we do that, stop him?
Griffin: What? Oh, sorry! I have something for you, a gift. It can protect you. I had to hide it from Boris, but if you find me again, I’ll give it to you.

Griffin: What a game? Amazing! It’s a real miracle!
[Griffin turns to leave them]
Agent J: Woh! Woh! What do you mean? What miracle?
Griffin: It’s what, thirty seconds? I have to go.
Agent J: Wait! No, no, no! We got you.
Griffin: Negative possibilities are multiplying as we speak. Twenty seconds!
Agent J: Alright. Just, we got you. Okay.
Griffin: If you’re watch is broken and I have gastric distress…
[he notices butterflies have been released at the party and are flying around]
Griffin: Oh, dear. This is the one where Boris is coming through that door in twelve, eleven, ten…
[turns to J]
Griffin: Wait! Did you have chocolate milk this morning?
Agent J: Yes.
[Griffin notices a woman walking towards them]
Griffin: Cindy!
[suddenly Boris appears by window and kills Cindy with his palm spike, Griffin runs off and Boris jumps out the window and J goes after him]

[after J tries to shoot Boris but loses his footing on the car he was standing on and falls and K helps him up]
Agent J: What you got?
Young Agent K: Nothing.
Agent J: Dammit! We had him!
Young Agent K: Relax, Cochise! We’ll find him.
Agent J: First of all, my name is J. Okay? It’s not son, it’s not slick and it damn sure ain’t no Cochise. I’m not going to relax, cause we’re running out of time, we’re running out of clues and there’s an invasion coming! You’re not really recognizing my vocal intensity.

[after they realize they’ve lost Griffin too]
Young Agent K: We need pie.
Agent J: What?
Young Agent K: My granddaddy always said, if you got a problem that you can’t solve, helps to get out of your head. Pie, it’s good.
Agent J: Pie?
Young Agent K: Yeah.
Agent J: You’re granddaddy, heavy set man?
Young Agent K: A little bit.
Agent J: Yeah, you know what? We’ve been doing smart stuff, we’ve been following clues, doing real police work. It might me time we do something stupid. Something that ain’t got nothing to do with nothing. Ah, you know what? Now I want some pie, K. I want some pie. Let’s go get some dumbass pie!
[J walks off]
Young Agent K: Sounds good.

[at the diner, after ordering pie]
Agent J: World class serial killer out there, and we’re having pie.
Young Agent K: What do you do in your spare time, slick?
Agent J: Aah!
Young Agent K: You see, I sense you’re not embracing the concept here. Alright? The pie don’t work, unless you let it.
Agent J: I’m going to let it.
Young Agent K: You said that we don’t talk, right? Go ahead, ask me any question, anything you want. As long it doesn’t have to do with case. You just let it rip.
Agent J: What’s up with you and O?
[young K smiles]
Young Agent K: Me and O?
Agent J: Yeah, you and O.
Young Agent K: Alright. Alright. Alright, this is it. A while back I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician, Mick Jagger. He’s in this British band, Rolling Stones?
Agent J: Rings a bell.
Young Agent K: Alright. We believed he was on the planet to breed with earth women. And so I was in London, that’s when I met O. Just smart, funny, with a great smile. And we find ourselves in this pub, which is a bar. Alright? Warm beer and the worst food you ever ate. We just played darts, until the sun came up. Neither of us wanted to leave.

Agent J: What the hell happened you, man?
Young Agent K: I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet. Well, what about you, slick? In the future, you got yourself a girl?
Agent J: I got you.

[after J realizes that Griffin is at the arena to watch the Mets game]
Young Agent K: If Griffin’s here for a game, he’s either here too early or too late.
Agent J: He’s here. We’ve just got to find him before Boris does.
[K opens up the car trunk and takes out J’s gun, neuralizer and the time travel device]
Young Agent K: I think it’s time to give you your things back, partner.
Agent J: Well I see you pie in you, you get all mushy.
Young Agent K: I’m just tired of carrying your stuff.

[J and young K find Griffin watching the future version of the Mets game, he touches young K and J so they can see the game]
Agent J: So this is how you see things. This is amazing.
Griffin: It’s a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has its moments.
Agent J: Wait, this game doesn’t happen until October.
Griffin: Oh, it’s always October and November and March. So many futures and they’re all real, just don’t know which one will coalesce. Until then, they’re all happening, like this one. It’s my favorite moment in human history. All the things that had to converge for the Mets to win The World Series. They were in last place every single season until they won it all.
Young Agent K: You said you had a gift for us.
Griffin: That baseball for instance, thrown for the last hour of the game, manufactured in 1962 by the Spalding Factory at Chicopee Massachusetts, was aerodynamically flawed. Due to the horsehide being improperly tanned because Sheila, the tanner’s wife, left him for a Puerto Rican Golf pro that Sunday…
[J tries to stop him by doing the timeout sign with his hands]

Agent J: Um, the gift?
Griffin: Oh, oh, yes. Of course. In the box.
[young K opens the cracker box and takes out the gift]
Griffin: Uh, it’s the surprise. To protect the earth, it’s a shield.
[to young K]
Agent J: Shield. Arkanian, Ark Net. That’s what you did. You put up the Ark Net.
Young Agent K: How did I do that?
Griffin: When that ball is pitched to David Johnson, who only became a baseball player because his father couldn’t find a football to give him for his eighth Birthday. It hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones, who would have been born Clara, a statistical typist, if his parents didn’t have an extra glass wine that night before going to bed. A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway.
[Griffin takes the Shield from young K]
Griffin: I lost my planet. I don’t want you to lose yours. It’ll take a miracle, but if you pull this off, you’ll be my new favorite moment in human history.
[he pauses for a moment]
Griffin: Oh, dear! I forgot to see this one coming.
[suddenly Boris zooms in on a motorcycle from behind them and snatches Griffin]

[after young K and J use the MIB space cycles to chase after Boris]
Young Agent K: You alright there, chief?
Agent J: Hell, yeah! I’d be better with four wheels, two is like my minimum.

[as they are chasing after Boris]
Young Agent K: What happens if Boris gets the Ark Net.
Agent J: Bogladytes invasion, total destruction of earth!

Young Agent K: Hey, slick. In the future, do we ever do the “Texas Two-Step”?
Agent J: Yes, sir!
[they use the “Texas Two-Step” to snatch Griffin and crash Young Boris’ motorcycle]

Young Agent K: Did you get him?
Agent J: Give me a sec.
[J gets off the MIB bike to get closer to where Boris crashed]
Agent J: Negative. He got away.
Young Agent K: Well, I got Griffin. Let’s get out of here.

[after old Boris arrives into the past and finds younger Boris as he’s just found out that he hasn’t got the Ark Net from Griffin]
Boris The Animal: You pathetic waste of Bogladyte flesh. I’d kill you right now, if I didn’t value my own life.
Young Boris The Animal: Who are you?
Boris The Animal: Look at you. Every mistake I’ve ever made just waiting to happen.
Young Boris The Animal: What happened to my arm?
Boris The Animal: You lose it, shot off by a human.
Young Boris The Animal: No human could defeat me.
Boris The Animal: You spend the next forty years in prison, chained up like an animal.
Young Boris The Animal: No prison can hold me!
Boris The Animal: They build one especially for us, on the moon.
Young Boris The Animal: No human has been to the moon, so they cannot have built it there already.
Boris The Animal: Stop arguing! You can avoid all of that, if you just listen to me!
Young Boris The Animal: You were defeated! You let it get shot off! That wasn’t me! That was you!

Boris The Animal: What’s your plan?
Young Boris The Animal: Prevent the Ark Net from being deployed. Kill anyone who tries.
Boris The Animal: Good plan, didn’t work. With my help, we’ll get the Ark Net, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful and we’ll get to keep both of our ar… aah!
[Boris gets angry as his younger self keeps staring at his missing arm]
Young Boris The Animal: Stop staring at it! Listen.

Agent J: You still have the Ark Net?
Griffin: When you’re being hunted by Boris The Animal, you get good at hiding things.
[Griffin takes off his hat, revealing that the top of his head is hollow with a blue light whirling in it]
Agent J: Woh!
[the small blue light whirling in Griffin’s head is transferred to the Ark Net held in the palm of his hand]
Griffin: This will save your world. Once it’s outside the atmosphere, it gets a whole lot bigger. All you have to do is deploy it.
[young K takes the Ark Net]
Young Agent K: You mean in space?
[Griffin nods his head]
Young Agent K: Well, how do you suppose we do that?
Griffin: Ah, it’s just one small step.
[Griffin looks at the moon]

Young Agent K: The moon launch.
Agent J: Cape Canaveral, July 16th 1969.
Young Agent K: We got six hours to get to Florida. Better get a move on, slick.
Agent J: Uh, wait! Uh, hold up! Not us. Uh, I’m going to do this one alone.
Griffin: No, he has to be the one…
Agent J: Sh…sh…shh!
Young Agent K: What do you mean, alone?
Agent J: Means, I’m going to go to Florida, you’re going to stay here and I need you trust me on this one.
Young Agent K: Trust you? I don’t think so. Something you’re not telling me, slick?
Agent J: I’m telling you, you’re not going to Florida.
Young Agent K: Well it ain’t going to happen, partner.
Agent J: Look, K, please. I will not allow you to go to Florida.
Young Agent K: Stop me.
[young K turns and walks off]
Agent J: You die there! Cape Canaveral, Apollo launch. Boris kills you there. That’s what I’m here for. It’s what I came back to stop.
Griffin: Oh, dear! We’re in this one.

Agent J: K, I saw the file, I looked at your report. Now, I know I said I told you everything, but you got…
[suddenly young K punches J in the face]
Young Agent K: That’s for lying to me.
Agent J: Look I’m sorry, man!
[young K punches J in the face again]
Agent J: Aah!
Young Agent K: And that’s for telling me the truth.
Agent J: Just trying to protect you! Man! Aah!
[J holds his nose in pain]
Griffin: The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lies.
Agent J: Ssh! Ssh!
Griffin: He has to go to Cape Canaveral. He must deploy the Ark Net, as he did before. There’s no other way. K is the only hope in saving earth.
Agent J: Can I save him? Is there any future where I save his life?
Griffin: Yes. But where there is death, there will always be death.

Young Agent K: According to you, we’ve done this before, so we know it’s possible. If you’re half the age that you say you are, you’ll make sure I don’t get killed doing it.
[J nods his head]
Young Agent K: So are we partners? You tell me.
Agent J: Let’s go.

[after J and young K head back to MIB headquarters to get ready to go to Cape Canaveral]
Young Agent K: Look, I got to ask you. If we pull this off, fix things the way were, O and I, are we…?
Agent J: Wise man once told me, don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.
Young Agent K: I said that, didn’t I?
Agent J: Yes, sir.

Young Agent O: Here they are.
Agent J: What are they?
Young Agent O: Jet packs.
Agent J: Jet packs?
[Griffin laughs and run towards the jet packs]
Agent J: We’re, no, no, no! We’re not doing jet packs. There’s a reason we don’t have these things in the future. K, we got to drive.
Young Agent K: Can’t drive to Florida from Manhattan in five hours, chief.
Agent J: Yeah! Yeah, we can! The red button’s standard issue in every MIB car. You press the red button, it goes into hyperdrive.
Young Agent K: No red buttons yet, slick.
Agent J: Come on, man!

[as they get into the jet packs]
Agent J: Do you even know how to work this stupid thing?
Young Agent K: It’s like with anything. Just have to strap yourself in, hope for the best.
[he looks at O tenderly as she helps him strap himself to the jet pack]
Young Agent K: Isn’t that right, Miss O?
Young Agent O: Unfortunately, it is.
Young Agent K: You ready, slick?
Agent J: Let’s get it.
Griffin: This is going to be interesting!
[they all set off on their jet packs and fly to Cape Canaveral]

[as they land their jet packs near the rocket launch in Cape Canaveral]
Griffin: So glad this isn’t one of the times we explode.
Agent J: One of the times?
[as they walk towards the launch, young K spots group of soldiers driving towards them]
Young Agent K: Oh, we got company.
[young K puts on his sunglasses and takes out an old looking neuralizer connected to a battery pack]
Agent J: What the hell? Is that a battery belt?
[as K’s neuralizer takes ages to load up, J takes out his neuralizer]
Agent J: Alright, I got it.
Griffin: No, uh, any reality that gets the shield deployed is the one where you tell the truth.
Young Agent K: The truth?
Griffin: The truth is the only path.

[as the group of soldiers reach them]
Air Force MP #1: This is a restricted area.
Agent J: Yes, sir. It is. Good day, gentlemen. Great day for America, isn’t it? My name is Agent J, this is Agent K, that’s Griff. We’re from a secret government organization that polices and monitors alien activity, on and off planet earth.
[the soldiers look at him coldly]
Agent J: Alright, now here’s the thing. See, we have this special little metal thingy, that Griff gave us, that we have to get on top of that rocket. To prevent an alien invasion.
[next shot shows the soldiers pushing J, young K and J to the ground and held at gunpoint]
Young Agent K: That worked.
Griffin: Like a charm.

[after taking young K, J and Griffin, the soldiers summon their commander]
Colonel: What breed of damn fool do you have to be to penetrate my launch site on the day of the most massive feat ever attempted by mankind? Watched by God, the population of the entire planet and my own first born.
Air Force MP #2: Colonel. Colonel, they had these.
[the solider hands him J and young K’s weapons and the shield]
Air Force MP #2: They said they needed to put something on the rocket for an invasion.
[to the soldier]
Agent J: Thanks.
Colonel: I got ten minutes to launch, if you pose a threat to that rocket, you tell me now and do not lie to me.
[young K and Griffin look at J to answer, but he remains silent]

Agent J: I told the truth last time.
Young Agent K: Sir, this man came here from the future to protect me, so I can attach a shield to the top of that rocket and save the world. I need your help to do that.
[the Colonel looks at K like he’s crazy and orders his soldier]
Colonel: Take him to the Brig.
Agent J: You slipping, Griff.
Griffin: Sir, if I may.
[Griffin touches Colonel’s arm and shows him just a little glimpse of the future]
Colonel: Corporal, your men are no longer needed. I’ll take the prisoners.
[he gives young K and J their weapons and the shield and takes them to the rocket]

[as they follow the Colonel to the rocket]
Agent J: Hey, you did the future thing on him. What did you show him?
Griffin: Only what he needed to see. I have to go now.
Agent J: What? No, no, no. Come on.
Griffin: You don’t need me anymore.
Agent J: Hey, Griff, don’t start flipping on me. I need you
Griffin: When Boris’ arm is taken, the past will be as it was. K will survive. He will not know you were ever here.
Agent J: Alright. Uh, arm gone, got it. Like a reset?
Griffin: When that happens, go home. Leave.
Young Agent K: Hey, slick, you coming?
Agent J: Yoh! Yeah! Alright!
[J turns back to Griffin]
Agent J: Thanks, man. Hey, will I ever see you again?
Griffin: Anything’s possible.
[as J turns to leave]
Agent J: Oh, Griff.
[J leaves Griffin on the beach]
Griffin: I can never bare to watch this part.

[as the Colonel takes them to the scaffolding that can take them to the top of the rocket]
Colonel: This elevator will take you to the top. To get the Ark Net outside the atmosphere, you need to strap it to the escape rocket above the capsule. You do not want to be anywhere near this rocket when it takes off. Questions?
Young Agent K: No. Thank you for this, Colonel.
Colonel: Some job you got there.
Agent J: Thanks. Thanks a lot, bro. What did Griff show you back there?
Colonel: He showed me how important you are, you and your partner.

[as they ride the scaffolding elevator to the top of the rocket]
Agent J: Hey, look. If everything goes right, the way we hope it does, I’m going to probably end up having to get out of here pretty quick. So, I’m not going to have a chance to say a proper goodbye.
Young Agent K: If things go wrong, I’m not going to have a chance to either.
Agent J: So I guess, win or lose, this is it.
Young Agent K: I can see why I recruited you. You’re a good man.
[he shakes J’s hand]
Young Agent K: You’re a good man.
Agent J: Man, what the hell happened to you?
Young Agent K: I told you, it still hasn’t happened yet.
[suddenly they are attacked by the older Boris, who throws J off the elevator]
Agent J: I’ll take this one!
[young K continues riding up the elevator to the top of the rocket]
Boris The Animal: Naughty.
[as J goes to grab his fallen gun, Boris stamps his foot on it, which has many toes with long nails]
Agent J: You might want to take a pedicure, if you get a second.
[Boris grabs J and throws him off the edge of the scaffolding]
Boris The Animal: And lift off.

[after J uses his time travel device to take himself and Boris back five minutes in the past, they land back on the scaffolding again as they were before, Boris starts shooting his palm spikes at J, but this time J dodges the spikes as he knows exactly where Boris will shoot]
Boris The Animal: That’s not possible.
Agent J: Let’s agree to disagree.
[J punches Boris and he falls off the scaffolding]
Boris The Animal: That’s not possible!

[as young Boris is still fighting with young K, he gets hold of the shield and holds it up]
Young Boris The Animal: I win. I’m better than me!
[suddenly young K shoots his gun which takes off young Boris’ arm and he falls]
Agent J: That’s my partner! That’s my partner!
[young K grabs the shield and attaches it to the top of the rocket before it launches]

[as young K manages to get himself back on the beach]
Colonel: Where’s your partner?
Young Agent K: He’s fine. He went home.
Colonel: How does that work?
Young Agent K: You got me.
Colonel: Come on!
[as the rocket launches the old Boris, who had landed near it, is obliterated by the rocket fire]

[as they watch the rocket launch, J hangs around in the bushes watching them]
Young Agent K: Bingo!
Colonel: Man, that is some next level stuff.
Young Agent K: You ever want to see more, I know a top secret organization that can use a man like you.
Colonel: I wish I could.
Young Agent K: Thank you.
[as they shake hands, J watches them from the bushes before he turns to leave]
Agent J: I’ll see you around, K.
[suddenly young Boris appears and just as he’s about to shoot his palm spike the Colonel pushes young K aside]
Colonel: Look out!
[the palm spike hits the Colonel and kills him, young K points his gun at Boris]
Young Boris The Animal: Go ahead, arrest me!
Young Agent K: Not this time.
[young K shoots his gun and kills Boris]

[after J sees the Colonel die]
Agent J: Where’s there’s death, there will always be death.
[just then J sees as a little boy runs over to K calling out for his father, the Colonel]
Young Agent K: Hey, my name’s K. What’s your name?
James: James.
Young Agent K: James. That’s a nice name.
James: Where’s my daddy?
Young Agent K: What you got there? What is that?
James: My dad gave it to me. It’s a watch.
[J suddenly takes out his watch and realizes that the young boy is himself]

[J watches from the bushes as young K talks to the young J]
James: Where is my daddy?
Young Agent K: He, uh, he went to do something very special. And he wanted me to stay here and take care of his best pal.
James: When’s he going to be back?
Young Agent K: He, uh…
[young K doesn’t know how to answer him so he takes out his neuralizer]
Young Agent K: James, if you look right here, I’ll tell you the only thing you’ll ever need to know.
[he neuralizes the young J]
Young Agent K: Your daddy was a hero.
James: My daddy is a hero?
[young K nods his head]
Young Agent K: You want to take a walk with me?
James: Yes.
[J watches as young K takes young J’s hand and walk off]

[as J returns to the present he finds old K alive and well, sitting at a diner singing the song playing on the radio, waiting for J]
Agent K: You’re late.
Agent J: Uh, sorry. Lost track of time. How do you know that song?
Agent K: Drink your coffee, we got work to do.
Agent J: What do you know and what do you don’t know?
Agent K: How the hell do I know what I don’t know!
Agent J: That’s a really good question. Did we go to Wu’s last night?
Agent K: Yeah.
Agent J: Bogladytes?
Agent K: Been extinct for forty years.
Agent J: Perfect. Did we talk on the phone last night?
Agent K: You hung up on me.
Agent J: Yeah, I did. But that was because of all of those secrets the universe doesn’t know about.
[he takes his father’s watch out and places it on the counter]
Agent J: But I’ve realized that last night was a long, long time ago.
[K realizes that J knows that he’s been watching J and protecting him ever since his father was killed at Cape Canaveral]
Agent J: But really I just want to say, thank you.
Agent K: It’s been my privilege.

Agent J: You know, there’s a really high possibility now that, I might know some things you don’t know.
Agent K: I doubt it.
[K turns to leave]
Agent J: Hey, I bet I know what went down with you and O.
Agent K: She’s a very fine lady, but you know the rules. There’s no fraternizing amongst agents.
Agent J: Yeah, I think I might have fraternizes a time or two.

[last lines; as J and K leave the diner, we see Griffin is sitting at the counter watching them]
Griffin: This is my new favorite moment in human history. Unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip.
[he looks over at where K and J were sitting and sees no tip, then he looks up and we see a huge asteroid hurtling towards earth, just then, K returns and drops a tip on the counter and looks over at Griffin]
Agent K: I almost forgot.
[we then see the asteroid crashes into a satellite and explodes before it can make it to earth, Griffin then turns to the camera and smiles]
Griffin: That was a close one.

Total Quotes: 95

Men in Black 3 Quotes – ‘Is there anybody here who is not an alien?’

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