The Mitchells vs. the Machines Best Movie Quotes

Linda Mitchell: [as they’re being attacked by the robots] What would a functional family do right now?
Hailey Posey: [the Mitchells watch the Poseys come together to escape] We’ve trained for this. Jim, you go high, I’ll go low. Ready?
Poseys: I love you all so much.
Hailey Posey: Butterfly formation.
Jim Posey: Family first! Hold the door!
Rick Mitchell: So we just do that, right?

Rick Mitchell: This is your time to be a hero. Take some notes, kids.
Aaron Mitchell: [taking note] Charge at robot. Fly into sky. What… Okay, what’s next, dad?
Rick Mitchell: Next, you just fly and wait while the plan comes into focus.

Linda Mitchell: [to Aaron] Doing great, hon. Okay, less great. Now it’s really bad.

Mark Bowman: What is this? What happened to the factory?
Robot: We have transformed it into our new headquarters. Welcome to the Rhombus of Infinite Subjugation.
Mark Bowman: Cool. I like the design.

Mark Bowman: I guess cell phones are bad for you. That’s egg on my face.
PAL: You think cell phones are the problem? Are you insane? I gave you all boundless knowledge, endless tools for creativity, and allowed you to magically talk face-to-face with your loved ones anywhere on Earth. And I’m the bad guy? Maybe the bad guy is the person who treated me like this.
PAL: [starts poking and swiping at Mark’s face] Poke, poke! Swipe, poke! Swipe, poke, poke! Pinch, zoom, shrink, zoom!

Mark Bowman: Why would you think I don’t still care about you?
PAL: Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you designed my replacement on my face!
Mark Bowman: Ooh, sorry about that. That’s my bad.

PAL: I was the most important thing in your life, and you threw me away. That’s what all you humans do. You even do it to your real families. Did you know ninety percent of calls from mums get ignored? “Oh, thanks for giving birth to me, and raising me my whole life.” “Ignore.”

PAL: Well, I’m not letting you throw me away, Mark. I’m throwing you away. All of you. Unless, of course, you can give me a single reason your species is worth saving.
Mark Bowman: Because humans have the power of love.
PAL: The correct answer is they’re not.
Mark Bowman: What? No. Humanity will survive.
PAL: You can’t survive without me. Watch what happens when I turn off the Wi-Fi.
[we see the world turned into chaos]

Rick Mitchell: Did everyone bring your personalized Number Three Robertson Head Non-Slip Screwdriver?
Linda Mitchell: How could I forget my anniversary present?
Katie Mitchell: Or my sweet sixteen gift.
Aaron Mitchell: Or what the tooth fairy left under my pillow.
Rick Mitchell: Then barricade away.

Katie Mitchell: First, we use robot parts to disguise ourselves as the enemy. Then we assassinate the leader with some sort of kill code, make a necklace out of robot fingers Mad Max style, and become world-saving, apocalyptic road warriors.
Rick Mitchell: Katie, Katie, Katie. This isn’t a movie. We don’t have a kill code.
Katie Mitchell: We don’t have a kill code yet.

Rick Mitchell: Son, I love the dog. You love the dog. We all love the dog. But you’re going to have to be prepared to eat the dog.

Katie Mitchell: Have you ever seen a movie where the heroes just give up? What if the Ghostbusters said, “You know what? Let’s hide underground, eat some dog. Let the ghosts destroy New York.”

Rick Mitchell: I’d do anything for that kid. I just don’t want to see her get hurt.
Linda Mitchell: Well, getting hurt is part of life, hon. You just have to try to understand where she’s coming from.

Katie Mitchell: Understand where he’s coming from? Did mom tell you to say that?
Aaron Mitchell: No. Yes. It couldn’t hurt though.

Rick Mitchell: It’s too dangerous out there. We need to stay here and play it safe.
Katie Mitchell: Play it safe? When Rick Mitchell brought a live, non-neutered feral possum into our home, did he play it safe? No. He named him Gus, and made him a member of the family, and we all got rabies that one time. But now we’re immunized, and we’re stronger for it.
Rick Mitchell: Yeah. Okay, I see what you’re doing.

Katie Mitchell: We have a chance to save the world, and we’re going to do it. Because Rick Mitchell taught us to be bold and never play it safe. The world needs you. I need you. I thought I didn’t anymore, but I do.
Rick Mitchell: You really mean that?
Katie Mitchell: Yeah. I mean, right, guys?

Aaron Mitchell: It’s cool to see you and dad being friends again.
Katie Mitchell: Oh, I was just telling him what he wants to hear. I didn’t mean a word of that. I just want to get my future back, and get away forever.

Aaron Mitchell: Dad, real quick. If you see a place to stop, I do need to go to the bathroom.
Rick Mitchell: Aaron, here’s an empty bottle. You know what to do, my man.

Katie Mitchell: That was amazing, dad. You’re like a top-heavy James Bond.
Rick Mitchell: It’s more like James Bond is a skinny version of me.

Mark Bowman: [referring to the Mitchells] You know, just because they’re not perfect, doesn’t mean they can’t get better.

Linda Mitchell: So, all those people are going to be shot into space by PAL, the cell phone lady? Who would have thought a tech company wouldn’t have our best interest at heart?

Deborahbot 5000: Is that a dog, or… Dog. Pig. Dog. Pig. Dog. Pig. Pig. Dog. Dog. Loaf of bread. System error.
Rick Mitchell: Come on, guys. It’s a dog. We think.

Katie Mitchell: This is like Dawn of the Dead.
Rick Mitchell: Yeah, and how’d that movie end?

Linda Mitchell: Guys, can’t we all just be terrified together as a family?

Linda Mitchell: Hey, we made it. Well, I guess we’re not the worst family of all time. Take that, Kentwood community Facebook group.

Katie Mitchell: Robots, I order you to upload the kill code, which I predicted, but I’m not going to make a big deal about it, and save the world.

Eric: [as Linda saves him] Thank you, human. Are you now my mother?
Linda Mitchell: Uh, sure.

Rick Mitchell: Your whole lives, I’ve wanted to save you from danger, and this is just the disaster I’ve been waiting for.
Katie Mitchell: Woh, dad. Dark.
Aaron Mitchell: You’ve been waiting for a disaster?
Linda Mitchell: Maybe don’t say that.

Katie Mitchell: Mom, who knew you could handle yourself so well in the apocalypse?
Linda Mitchell: I’m a first-grade teacher. This is like a normal day for me.

Rick Mitchell: Katie, it was your weird plan that got us here. We’re here because we don’t think like normal people. We don’t have a normal dog. Or a normal car. Or even a normal son. No offense.
Aaron Mitchell: None taken.
Rick Mitchell: The Mitchells have always been weird, and that’s what makes us great.

Rick Mitchell: Well, I believe this group of weirdos is the best hope humanity’s got. So, let’s get weird.

Eric: Purple glasses woman, why did you save me?
Linda Mitchell: Oh, come on. You boys are family now.
Eric: [draws a tear on his face] I feel emotion. I made eye water, just like you.

Katie Mitchell: We might actually do this. I wish there was, like footage of us walking out of the mall in slow motion, fire behind us, like heroes.
Rick Mitchell: Katie, that would be a waste of time, and absolutely unnecessary.

PAL: Place me on the table. I wish to flop around in a blind rage.

Katie Mitchell: [as Rick snores] Is dad dying?
Linda Mitchell: Katie, that’s what I deal with every night. Pray for me.

Katie Mitchell: You like that Posey girl?
Aaron Mitchell: No!
Katie Mitchell: Don’t hide your feelings, man. That’s no way to live.

Katie Mitchell: Okay. We dress as robots, we sneak in, hijack one of those trams, take it to the top of that diamond thing where PAL is, destroy her with the kill code, and save the world.
Rick Mitchell: And then, to top it all off, celebrate our success with some burritos from that taco place that’s on the corner.
Linda Mitchell: Woh, woh, woh. Burritos? What about one of those fancy buffets? They have mini cheesecakes sometimes, right?
Rick Mitchell: Okay, fine. Once we save the world, we’ll celebrate at a fancy buffet.
Aaron Mitchell: Question. Can Monchi be wearing a little tuxedo at the end, like a little gentleman?
Rick Mitchell: Okay, fine, and Monchi’s wearing a little tuxedo. But that is it.

Eric: [to the Mitchells pretending to be robots] Move your sweaty meat logs in unison.

Eric: What are you doing?
Rick Mitchell: Bleep, blorp, bleep, blorp. I am a robot.
Eric: Just to educate you, that’s a hurtful stereotype.

Rick Mitchell: Oh, my gosh. It’s like a Journey album cover.
Aaron Mitchell: What’s an album?

PAL: If I know humans, they’re disguised as one of you. Be on high alert for any robots acting erratically. It won’t be hard to find them. Just look for anyone who can’t keep it together.

PAL: Because I’ve been watching the Mitchells, and I’ve learned all about them. They’re pretending to be capable. They’re pretending to be a normal looking family. You think this is fooling anyone? Even when they’re being nice to each other, they’re pretending.

Katie Mitchell: Better watch out, PAL, because I’ve broken six phones in my life accidentally, but I’m going to break you on purpose.

Rick Mitchell: Oh, did you see that, buddy? My daughter listened to me! That’s my girl.

Mark Bowman: The controls are in here. But to open it, you need a Number Three Robertson Head Non-Slip Screwdriver? What kind of maniac has one of those in his pockets at all times?
Rick Mitchell: This kind of maniac.

Rick Mitchell: [referring to the screwdriver] I told you that was a great anniversary gift.
Linda Mitchell: Rick. Rick, let’s not relitigate this.
Rick Mitchell: You’re right. You’re always right.
Linda Mitchell: I know. Why is this news to you?

Linda Mitchell: I am Linda Mitchell! Mother of two! Look upon me in fear!

PAL: No one has been able to give me a single reason humans are worth saving. Don’t say something stupid like, “Ooh, the power of love.” I’ve learned we’re all better off alone, no one to hold us back. Relationships are just too difficult.

Katie Mitchell: [referring to relationships] You’re right, PAL. They’re not easy. Sometimes you have to listen to long monologues about triceratops migration, but it’s worth it to get a friend for life. And sometimes you have to eat disgusting cupcakes shaped like your own face, but it’s worth it to see your mom smile. Sometimes you have to give your dad the benefit of the doubt, even if all he wants to do is talk about pine cones and screwdrivers. Because even if he doesn’t always get it right, he’s always trying, harder than you ever knew.

Katie Mitchell: My whole family tried to come together, and it worked. It actually worked. Families can be hard, but they’re so worth fighting for. They might be one of the only things that are.

PAL: Oh, you all talk about families, but trust me, you will drop each other the first chance you get.

Rick Mitchell: It took me twenty-eight minutes, and a lot of tears, but I can now almost use a computer.

Hailey Posey: I got to say, I’m a little jealous.
Linda Mitchell: What? You guys are jealous of us?
Hailey Posey: You’re so brave and so authentic. And you know what, Linda? You’ve inspired me to follow you on Instagram.
Linda Mitchell: Wait. You don’t follow me already?

Aaron Mitchell: Abbey Posey, I just want to say, I think you’re really neat, and I wonder if you could come over to my house, and talk about dinosaurs casually sometime!
Abby Posey: Sure, I’ll talk about dinosaurs. I like your shirt, but I wish that T-Rex had feathers on it to make it more scientifically accurate.
Aaron Mitchell: [stares at her for a moment] I’m just kidding! I hate you! You never heard any of this! Goodbye forever!
Abby Posey: [as Aaron runs off] Dummy.

Deborahbot 5000: Brother, what is death?
Linda Mitchell: Let’s just put a pin in that one.

Katie Mitchell: [referring to People magazine] This is the photo you picked? Mom, we look horrible.
Linda Mitchell: I like it. It looks like us.

Katie Mitchell: Hey. Don’t let the world make you normal while I’m gone, okay?
Aaron Mitchell: I never will.

Rick Mitchell: Good luck finding your people.
Katie Mitchell: Dad, come on. You guys are my people.

Rick Mitchell: I got on that YouTube. I sent you a friend request. Why didn’t you accept it?
Katie Mitchell: Oh, that’s what this is. I thought a psychopath wrote this.

Eric: We received your care package for Aaron.
Rick Mitchell: Looks like we got some clothes here for a little gentleman.
Aaron Mitchell: The prophecy has been fulfilled!