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Starring: Lana Condor, Cole Sprouse, Mason Gooding, Emily Rudd, Zach Braff, Lukas Gage
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
HBO Max sci-fi romantic comedy directed by Chris Winterbauer. Set in a future where Mars is terraformed and colonized, Moonshot (2022) follows Walt (Cole Sprouse) and Sophie (Lana Condor), two very different college students, as they join forces to sneak onboard a space shuttle from Earth to Mars in order to be united with their significant others, Calvin (Mason Gooding) and Ginny (Emily Rudd) respectively. The two embark upon a lively journey that winds up taking them both wildly and unexpectedly off course.
Our Favorite Quotes:'When you look at something from this distance, it's all possibility. Then every step you take toward that strips it away until it is what it is. And what it always has been.' - Ginny (Moonshot) Click To Tweet
Walt: [referring to the Sun] I was obsessed. Because there was more out there than the new town, or the new school which always felt like the same town, and the same school. And I think if I could’ve gotten the chance to just go up there, and look back I would’ve seen where I fit in, in this crazy universe. Exploration is the way that we discover where we truly belong. And I just, I don’t belong here.
Walt: [referring to a customer] Did she just smile at me?
Gary: Honestly, I’d say she smiled past you.
Gary: There is a fifty-two percent chance of romantic interest. But a forty-eight percent chance she pities you due to your low status position as an assistant barista to a robot on a university campus. Shall I continue?
Walt: Don’t you want to be part of something special?
Dalton: Walt. You’re not special. I’m not special. Most people, not special. Listen, someday, you’re going to meet someone, and make something special with them. Like a memory. Or a weird, well, baby thing. But until then, drink this, and for the love of God do not bring up Mars.
Jan: Go. Mingle. We’ll be back soon. And in the meantime, it might be good for you to have some new experiences.
Sophie: Nothing’s more overrated than new.
Jan: There’s a title for your thesis.
Ginny: I’ve never seen light flirting take such a dark turn.
Walt: Basically my superpower. Just one brief conversation with me will really leave you questioning everything.
Ginny: Not the hero we need, but maybe the one we deserve.
Ginny: Why Mars?
Walt: I feel like if I had been born like six hundred years ago, I would’ve stolen a boat and just set sail by now. And I probably would’ve died.
Ginny: Oh, definitely would’ve died.
Walt: But it would’ve been an adventure. You know? And now there’s Mars, and I keep applying. But thirty-six rejections later, and I’m starting to get the feeling that…
Ginny: They don’t need extraordinary mediocrity?
Ginny: I think when you look at something from this distance, it’s all possibility. Then every step you take toward that strips it away until it is what it is. And what it always has been.
Walt: [over phone] Application thirty-seven is pending review, and I need you to approve it. I need to be on that ship tomorrow. To be with the girl of my dreams, who has slowly stopped responding to my texts. My chance at a relationship is imploding like a dying star. Do you understand?
Angie: I do, Walt. And I sincerely hope you can ask her out, in four hundred and twelve days, after next year’s mission.
Walt: If you don’t order anything, you can’t use the Wi-Fi and sit here like a black hole of sadness. Company policy.
Sophie: It’s a stupid policy.
Walt: How’s the Mars boyfriend?
Sophie: Great. Yeah, he got his Martian dream job. So, one year of long distance just became indefinite. And then my Wi-Fi cut out. Probably because of all the calls with him trying to make it work. And now I’m sitting here, suffering in public, and paying for drinks that I didn’t order. So you tell Gary, I hope he gets malware.
Gary: I hope she fails to find long-term companionship and learns the pain of a solitary life.
Walt: What does this Mars genius have that I don’t?
Sophie: Everything. Yeah.
Walt: Everything? Could you actually be more specific? I’m trying to figure out why they keep rejecting my applications.
Sophie: He checks all the boxes.
Walt: [as she hands him the list] Oh. You mean, literally. Okay, let’s see. “Quiet. Strong jaw. Mental fortitude. Six-pack.”
Sophie: [after Walt suggests she buys the ticket to go to Mars] I have aerophobia.
Walt: Well, we’re all afraid of arrows.
Sophie: Oh, my God! I’m afraid of flying!
Sophie: Calvin is on Mars. Jan, Brandon, Jim, they’re all there.
Walt: How many boyfriends do you have?
'When you find something extraordinary, you fight for it. Sacrifice for it. Protect it. Because what most of us fail to appreciate when presented with something truly unique, is that it will only ever exist once.' (Moonshot) Click To Tweet
Sophie: What are you doing here? And what are you wearing?
Walt: I just came to see the launch. And I got all this duty-free. Wore it right out of the store.
Sophie: Duty-free doesn’t mean free. You just robbed a gift shop.
Walt: What? No. Wait, really?
Sophie: [to Walt] You are the ingrown toenail of humanity.
Sophie: It’s something I have to do when I’m nervous. I dance to relieve tension.
Walt: No, no, no. I’m into it.
Sophie: Don’t make fun of me.
Walt: I’m not. This is the first interesting thing I’ve seen you do.
Sophie: I hate when boys do that. As if they are the arbiters of all that is interesting.
Sophie: Goodbye forever, Walt.
Walt: Well, maybe not forever.
Walt: Oh, I actually got you something. Don’t worry, I paid for it this time. But Duty Free should really change its name.
Sophie: You used me.
Walt: No. A little. I can explain. I’m going to hide in that air duct. You’re never going to see me again.
Sophie: Until you get caught. Or die.
Walt: I’m not going to get caught.
Sophie: I already caught you.
Walt: [after Sophie suggests he stays on her room] I’m not going to spend my first trip to space on the toilet.
Sophie: Because you prefer the air ducts?
Walt: Because what do you think happens when two people are trapped in the same room together?
Cornelia: When two humans are confined for an extended period it results in either more humans, or fewer humans.
Captain Tartar: And I’m your captain, Tarter. Captain Tarter.
Walt: Calvin. I like your sauce.
Captain Tartar: It’s Captain. The sauce is my father.
Sophie: Do you think I would let the love of my life take one of these ships across the solar system without knowing exactly how it’s made?
Walt: Don’t say that like it’s normal.
Walt: Cornelia, is my heart normal?
Cornelia: Your biorhythms are elevated. You may be experiencing cardiac arrest, or sexual reproduction.
Walt: Oh, it’s definitely not sexual reproduction.
'It doesn't matter how far you travel, you can never escape yourself.' - Captain Tartar (Moonshot) Click To Tweet
Walt: This is going to suck, isn’t it?
Sophie: Only for thirty-five days.
Tabby: [to Walt, who’s pretending to be Calvin] We would love it if you would do a lecture on terraforming.
Celeste: Since you are the expert.
Sophie: He had a traumatic accident on stage last year, and he’s recovering still.
Tabby: Did you get an erection?
Sophie: You have to keep a low profile.
Walt: I am. People want to hang out with me, even after the erection rumors. It’s weird, I know. It’s never happened to me before.
Sophie: You can’t change things without telling me, okay? There’s a plan, and we stick to the plan. If we don’t, we go to jail, or we get ejected into the sun. You can’t just unilaterally change things because you’re insecure about your relationship.
Walt: Oh, I’m sorry. Are you talking to me, or are you talking to Calvin right now?
Sophie: What’s that supposed to mean?
Walt: I didn’t change your plans. Calvin did. I didn’t ditch you to go to Mars for a job, Calvin did. I didn’t refuse to send you nudes.
Walt: You know, you’re almost always right. Even in those last three arguments with Calvin. And I know I shouldn’t have read them, but you were right. It’s honestly creepy, and kind of annoying, how right you are all the time. Especially as someone who is wrong almost all the time. Never right. Well, except right now. Me saying that you’re right…
Sophie: Okay. I got it. Thanks.
Walt: Do you ever worry that the wrong person is headed to the wrong planet?
Sophie: When you find something extraordinary, you fight for it. Sacrifice for it. Protect it.
Walt: Yes. Because what most of us fail to appreciate when presented with something truly unique, is that it will only ever exist once.
Sophie: You read my thesis.
Walt: I may have even understood it.
Sophie: That is weirdly touching.
Walt: [as he’s being asked to present] What do I do?
Sophie: I don’t know. Maybe just riff. Isn’t like talking your superpower?
'When you find that thing that you're willing to cross the entire universe to be with, just make sure it's ready to do the same for you. Don't terraform yourself. It's your life too.' - Walt (Moonshot) Click To Tweet
Walt: When I look at you, I see the smartest people on the planet. And you’ve spent your entire lives trying to check an impossible set of boxes for Mars. And I get it. Mars is awesome. I applied to this program like thirty-seven times. But maybe when you find that thing that you’re willing to cross the entire universe to be with, just make sure it’s ready to do the same for you. Don’t terraform yourself. It’s your life too.
Walt: [referring to her dress] Did you make this?
Sophie: I didn’t pack a dress.
Walt: You are so annoyingly good at things.
Sophie: Coming from a guy that just inspired an engagement party with a speech pulled from the deepest recesses of his own a**.
Sophie: I don’t do birthdays.
Walt: You also don’t fly on rockets, or conspire with stowaways. I think you just got to face it. You’re a space criminal now.
Sophie: They’re checking IDs at the Mars database, which is basically space customs. So the moment they scan yours, they’re going to see that Calvin is already on Mars.
Walt: Oh, s**t.
Sophie: Question. Do you think you can fit in my suitcase?
Walt: That feels like a first draft idea.
Sophie: Okay. Well, if you weren’t so gangly then it might work.
Sophie: [over earpiece] Sophie for Walt. Do you read me?
Walt: One hundred bucks says you just said that into your wrist.
Walt: Sophie. We’re camping. Think of it like foraging.
Sophie: This is camping-adjacent at best.
Walt: Oh, come on. Use your imagination. Smells bad. It’s uncomfortable. You can go to the bathroom anywhere you want. Just like camping.
Walt: You know what’s not fair? Try getting this close to your dreams and having someone tell you you’re not good enough thirty-seven times. Or meeting the girl of your dreams the night before she goes to another planet, or having to work…
Sophie: Wait. What? How long have you and Ginny been together?
Walt: Since freshmen yearish.
Sophie: How “ish”?
Walt: The night before she left for Marsish.
Sophie: I can’t believe how selfish you are. You are so obsessed with escaping your average existence that you would blow up my life, her life, for what? For some sort of adventure? For some stupid journal entry?
Walt: [referring to Calvin] Sophie, I couldn’t blow up your life if I tried. You’re living his life.
Walt: [referring to Calvin] He’s never going to meet you halfway. He’s never going to follow you. You’re a coward, Sophie.
Sophie: Someday, when that stupid journal is filled, you’re going to flip through it and realize just how pointless it all was. I’m here because I am wanted here. You are here because no one cares where you are.
Walt: [after he’s been caught as a stowaway] You’re dating my guard?
Ginny: You followed me to Mars after one night. Kind of needed to start dating a security guard.
Ginny: You’ll be okay, Walt. I mean, we both know who you’re really in love with. Mars.
Ginny: And you made it. More or less.
Calvin: [referring to Walt] I don’t understand why someone would want to be somewhere they do not belong.
Walt: [after Kovi admits he knew about Walt stowing away on the ship] Why didn’t you arrest me?
Leon Kovi: Well, I ran a profile, and the risk of you impacting the journey in a meaningful way was below zero, which I didn’t even think was mathematically possible, but it was, it was a negative number, Walt. There was some concern that you would die in the air ducts. And the smell of your rotting carcass might disturb some of the paying guests. Bets were made. I won.
Walt: That girl had nothing to do with it.
Leon Kovi: Walt!
Walt: She did. But I forced her. Not like forced her. Blackmail. Light blackmail.
Leon Kovi: There is no such thing as “light blackmail”, okay? There’s no diet blackmail. You blackmailed her, it’s fine.
Leon Kovi: I shared your whole journey with the world.
Walt: Oh. You what?
Leon Kovi: It’s become so popular. Look how happy it makes people. I’m told it’s called Walting. She’s Walting. He’s Walting. They’re all Walting.
Leon Kovi: I, myself, can’t Walt. I have a bad back.
Leon Kovi: You remind me of a young me, Walt. Emotionally, that is. Intellectually, it’s more of an apples to whatever a much smarter fruit is. What’s a smarter fruit, Walt?
Leon Kovi: Papaya! Yes.
Leon Kovi: Do you know why the papaya came to Mars, Walt?
Leon Kovi: No. No, I’m a billionaire, Walt. I don’t pay taxes. I bet the papaya came for the exact same reason as the simple little apple.
Leon Kovi: Love? How old are you? No.
Leon Kovi: I think that you and I could help each other. You, a barista.
Walt: Assistant barista.
Leon Kovi: A barista’s assistant. Unremarkable in every way. Truly middle of the road, by all metrics.
Walt: Okay, I got it.
Leon Kovi: Stowing away for an historic journey against impossible odds. Secretly facilitated by me, of course. To discover something that just might make his meaningless little life just a smidgeon, just a tickle more meaningful. Now, that is a story people want to hear, Walt.
Leon Kovi: Could I have solved world hunger with my money, Walt? Sure. Dozens of times over. But don’t you think it’s better that I came to Mars to inspire the next generation of young people to solve world hunger.
Gary: Like sexual reproduction, making garbage brings humans great happiness. But looking at it causes deep shame. It must be hidden.
Walt: [referring to Mars] Honestly, I thought it would be different. I thought that I would get here, and I would be changed, or something. But now I’m here and it’s exactly the same.
Captain Tartar: Walt, it doesn’t matter how far you travel, you can never escape yourself.
Walt: Did you just come up with that?
Captain Tartar: No, b**ch. That is a very common phrase. How have you not heard that before?
Walt: Never heard it.
Captain Tartar: Thank God you pretty, because you dumb. You pretty, but you dumb. I’m going to talk to somebody smarter.
Jan: No matter what happens between you and Calvin.
Sophie: Nothing’s going to happen.
Jan: Well, if it did, we’re your family, your constant. You’re allowed to change.
Sophie: Wouldn’t it be like crazy awkward?
Jan: I think I know my son better than anyone. He’s already crazy awkward. Sophie, go, wander. Figure out what you want. We’re not going anywhere.
Leon Kovi: [to Walt] People cannot get over how average you are. It’s like a superpower, or something, I don’t know what it is. They look at you, and they think, “If this guy can do it, then I can do literally anything.”
Sophie: What are you doing here?
Walt: I’m following you. Back to Earth.
Sophie: Even though I didn’t invite you, or even tell you I was leaving.
Walt: Making it all the more romantic?
Sophie: You literally did the exact same thing for another girl last month.
Walt: Okay. Yes. I did recently travel across the universe for love.
Sophie: No. No. not love. You barely knew that girl.
Walt: Correct. But I do know you.
Walt: You’re the most frustratingly, brilliantly, contradictorily, annoyingly talented person I’ve ever met. Every time I’m with you, you make me feel so dumb. In the best way possible. I’d rather be Mars’s garbage flying back to Earth than boring old Walt, flipping rocks on Mars alone.
Sophie: So you’re really going to give up this whole Mars adventure thing?
Walt: I’m not giving up anything. You’re the adventure.
Sophie: You come in here, with no plan at all, just expecting everything to magically work out, and then somehow, you pull that line out of your a**?
Sophie: You are so annoying.
Walt: I know.