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Starring: Freida Pinto, Sope Dirisu, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Ashley Park, Zawe Ashton, Theo James, Divian Ladwa, Sianad Gregory
Romantic period drama directed by Emma Holly Jones. Set in Regency era England, Mr. Malcolm’s List (2022) follows Selina Dalton (Freida Pinto), a bachelorette who doesn’t intend to marry anytime soon. However, when her friend, Julia Thistlewaite (Zawe Ashton), is jilted by London’s most eligible bachelor, Mr. Malcolm (Sope Dirisu), for failing to meet an item on his list of requirements for a bride, feeling humiliated and determined to exact revenge, Julia convinces Selina to play the role of his ideal match. Soon, Mr. Malcolm wonders whether he’s found the perfect woman, or the perfect hoax.
We’ll add the best quotes once the movie is released and we’ve had a chance to watch it, but for now, here’s a small selection.
Suitor: Miss Dalton, it is common knowledge you have been cast into this world without fortune or prospects. It is my desire to have you, as my wife.
Selina Dalton: I am greatly honored by your offer, but I cannot accept.
Suitor: This offer will not be extended a second time.
Selina Dalton: Third, actually!
Suitor: [after he leaves Selina’s house] Out of my way, idiot geese!
Julia Thistlewaite: [as Selina reads her letter] My dearest Selina, will you come visit me in London. I promise you will be well entrained.
Lord Cassidy: [to Malcolm] You have list of qualifications for a bride?
Lord Cassidy: Next thing you know, you’ll be checking her teeth.
Jeremy Malcolm: I’ll add that to the list.
Julia Thistlewaite: [to Selina] I need your assistance. There is a gentleman, Mr. Malcolm. He humiliated me. I then found out he had a list. I would love for Mr. Malcolm to receive the comeuppance he deserves. Plus, it could be rather fun.
Julia Thistlewaite: [to Selina] If we present you as the perfect woman, then he discovers he does not meet the requirements on your list, that would be a perfect sort of poetic justice.
Lord Cassidy: Mr. Malcolm, there’s someone I want to introduce you to. Miss Selina Dalton.
Jeremy Malcolm: I’m very pleased to make your acquaintance. Perhaps you might join me for a tour of the picture gallery.
Gertie Covington: Miss Thistlewaite. Say that one twenty times!
Gertie Covington: [to Selina] Is that the famous Mr. Malcolm? Do you know him?
Selina Dalton: Most certainly have a reputation.
Jeremy Malcolm: And do you believe this description of me?
Lord Cassidy: [referring to Malcolm and Selina] He was very impressed by her witty humor.
Selina Dalton: [as she’s trying to play croquet] I must be near-sighted!
Jeremy Malcolm: May I assist.
Julia Thistlewaite: Selina, it is working!
Jeremy Malcolm: Why did you come to London, Miss Dalton?
Selina Dalton: Because I was lonely.
Jeremy Malcolm: I was lonely too before you came.
Jeremy Malcolm: What are you wearing, Selina?
Selina Dalton: I have no idea. I was hoping to get some inspiration once I visited the attic.
Jeremy Malcolm: Why not go as your namesake?
Selina Dalton: What do you mean?
Jeremy Malcolm: Selene. Goddess of the moon.
Selina Dalton: Cassidy has already taken my costume.
Lord Cassidy: I told you, I’m not going as a woman. I’ll be one of those, like philosophical fellows. Like Plato. Or Socrates.
Julia Thistlewaite: My cousin going as one of the deepest thinkers in history. That does quite boggle the mind.
Jeremy Malcolm: So, will you go as Selen?
Selina Dalton: I have no objection masquerading as a goddess.
Julia Thistlewaite: Who is this Selene?
Captain Henry Ossory: Selene was the goddess of the moon, which she drove across the sky every night. The story goes that she fell in love with a mere mortal, who was far beneath her, both literally and metaphorically.
Julia Thistlewaite: I had no idea military men had such an intimate understanding of mythology.
Captain Henry Ossory: Oh, I think there’s quite a lot you don’t know about military men.
Lady Kilbourne: Your list is a shield. You do not want to give your heart to a woman unworthy.
Lady Kilbourne: Love cannot be planned so carefully. It will stir things up a bit. That is part of its charm.
Jeremy Malcolm: I’m very happy you’re here.
Selina Dalton: Very happy to be here.
Selina Dalton: It gives us hope, and hope is a good thing.
Jeremy Malcolm: Perhaps I am mistaken in thinking hope a useless thing.
Julia Thistlewaite: [to Selina] You’re being blinded by his intelligent conversation and devastatingly handsome good looks.
Julia Thistlewaite: It is time to show Malcolm your list.
Selina Dalton: I do not think Mr. Malcolm is the man you think he is.
Lord Cassidy: [to Julia] You thought to humiliate Malcolm, and you end up presenting him with the perfect wife. And that must sting.
Jeremy Malcolm: Wish me luck, old boy.
Captain Henry Ossory: I don’t think you’ll need it.
Jeremy Malcolm: [to Selina] It seems you have been deceiving me from the beginning.