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Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Andrew Feldman, Laura Benanti, Natalie Morales, and Matthew Broderick
Story:
Comedy directed and co-written by Gene Stupnitsky. No Hard Feelings (2023) centers on Maddie (Lawrence), who on the brink of losing her childhood home, answers to an intriguing job listing, wealthy parents looking for someone to “date” their introverted 19 year-old son, Percy (Andrew Feldman), before he leaves for college. To her surprise, Maddie soon discovers the awkward Percy is no sure thing.
We’ll add the best quotes once the movie is released and we’ve had a chance to watch it, but for now, here’s a small selection.
Quotes:
Maddie: Gary, what the f***?
Gary: [as he’s towing her car away] Court order for asset seizure.
Maddie: So, they’re taking my car?
Gary: You went radio-silent on me.
Maddie: Is that what this is about?
Maddie: Just last night, and I thought, “I miss this f***er.”
Gary: Is that true?
Man: [as he steps out of the house in his underwear] Buongiorno!
Maddie: That’s my cousin. Gary, I swear to God. He’s my cousin. He’s my second cousin.
Gary: There’s something seriously wrong with you.
Maddie: We’re not open until noon.
Wallstreet Guy: It is noon.
Maddie: [as he shows her the time] 11:57.
Wallstreet Guy: [as he places some cash on the counter] Now what time is it?
Maddie: 11:56?
Wallstreet Guy: You need to fire her.
Fern: I can’t fire her. She has a disability.
Maddie: What? No, I don’t.
Fern: You don’t?
Maddie: No.
Fern: That’s the reason why I hired you!
Maddie: I’m an Uber driver and I don’t have a car. I’m going to lose my house.
Sara: Look at this.
Maddie: [reads from the listing] “Need a car? Date our son this summer and bring him out of his shell before college. In exchange, we’ll give you a Buick Regal.” “Date” is in quotes. It’s got to be a joke, right?
Jim: No. Have you seen these helicopter parents? I’m surprised they’re not going to f*** him themselves.
Jim: You don’t even rent your house out, but now you’re going to rent out your vag?
Maddie: You have a Roadrunner tattoo covering your entire back. I don’t think you should tell anybody what to do with their body.
Allison: We’ve just been so worried about our son.
Laird: He’s going to Princeton in the fall.
Maddie: Oh. I’ve hear of it.
Allison: You know, we tried everything to bring him out of his shell.
Laird: He doesn’t come out of this room. He doesn’t talk to girls. He doesn’t drink.
Maddie: So when you say “date him”, do you mean “date him”, or “date him”?
Allison: Yes.
Laird: Date him. Date him hard.
Allison: Okay.
Maddie: I’ll date his brains out.
Maddie: Hi. Mind if I touch your Wiener?
Percy: What?
Maddie: Your dog?
Maddie: How about I give you a ride home?
Percy: This isn’t the way to my house.
Maddie: It’s a shortcut. You’re my hostage. What you got down there? Something for me?
[Percy suddenly pepper sprays her eyes]
Maddie: [referring to pepper spraying her eyes] Why?
Percy: You tried kidnapping me!
Maddie: You’re nineteen! Grow up!
Maddie: This kid us unf***able.
Maddie: [to Percy] I’m going to teach you how to have fun.
Waitress: What do you want, Maddie?
Maddie: A Long Island Iced Tea for me, and…
Percy: Pepsi, please.
Waitress: We only have Coke.
Percy: Oh. Do you want to go somewhere else?
Maddie: No, Percy. He’ll have a Long Island Iced Tea too.
Percy: Am I allowed to be here?
Maddie: Oh, yeah. No. I know the owner. It’s fine.
Percy: It’s just that I’m not twenty-one.
Maddie: That doesn’t matter here.
Percy: Well, I think it’s a Federal law. I just hope that my parents don’t find out that I’m here.
Waitress: [to Maddie] Long Island Iced Tea for America’s sweetheart, and one for the boy.
Percy: [spits out the drink] This is the worst iced tea I’ve ever had.
Percy: Am I allowed to be here?
Maddie: You can’t be scared of everything your whole life. F***.
Travis: Maddie Marker. Your little disappearing act, that was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Maddie: [as he shows her his wedding ring] Congratulations. Is her v***na dishwasher safe?
Travis: She’s a real person.
Maddie: What part of Russia did they ship her from?
Percy: She’s Russian?
Travis: No. F***.
Maddie: I don’t know what to do. I just know my mom would have wanted me to save the house.
Sara: [to Maddie, referring to Percy] He’s probably just nervous. Why don’t you loosen him up?
Percy: I like your house a lot. It’s cozy.
Maddie: Ooh. We should have some music.
Percy: Dance party.
Percy: [as she’s dancing on his lap] You’re a little heavy on my legs.
Maddie: You want to switch?
Percy: [we then see him bouncing on her lap] Yeah, this is good.
Maddie: We can go skinny dipping.
Percy: What about sharks?
Maddie: None here!
Percy: Jellyfish?
Maddie: Not the season!
Percy: It’s really the lack of lifeguards that…
Maddie: Just get the f*** in here right now!
Percy: Okay!
Percy: I’m just a bit of a romantic.
Maddie: [referring to Percy] He’s actually really sweet.
Maddie: The best part about getting older is not giving a f*** what people think.
Percy: I’m an adult now. I can make my own decisions.
Allison: [as Percy is downing his glass of wine] That’s good.
Laird: You want to savor it. Savor it.
Maddie: [as she’s looking for Percy at the party] Doesn’t anyone f*** anymore?
Man: Come on. You’re getting out of here. You don’t belong here.
Maddie: Don’t touch me!
Percy: Just get away from her!
Percy: [as he goes to punch the man, he punches Maddie in the throat] Oh, s**t. Oh, f***!
Maddie: We should go.
Percy: Maddie, you can’t outrun the cops!
Maddie: I can’t lose my license.
Trailer: