No Strings Attached Quotes: Cookie Cutter Plot

No Strings Attached Quotes Page  1   2

[first lines; at a camp party sitting alone together]
Young Adam: So, uh…I’m pretty good at archery.
Young Emma: Wow! That’ll be useful if you ever have a time machine and your time machine breaks and you’re stuck in the Medieval Ages.
Young Adam: You’re funny, it’s weird.
Young Emma: Yeah. I’m weird.
Young Adam: Me too.
Young Emma: Yeah, right. Everyone loves you and your dad’s like famous or something.
Young Adam: My parents are getting a divorce. That’s why I had to go to camp, so.
[Adam turns his face away looking upset and starts to cry]
Young Emma: Are you crying?
Young Adam: No.
[Emma sits closer to him and puts her hand on his shoulder]
Young Emma: Look, I’m not really an affectionate person. People aren’t meant to be together forever.
Young Adam: You think so?
Young Emma: Yeah.
Young Adam: Can I finger you?
Young Emma: No.

[after Emma arrives at a Frat party and recognizing Adam who’s dancing with a girl]
Patrice: Oh, my God! I told you that this was a pajama party, what are you wearing
[she unbuttons Emma’s coat and opens it and takes the coat off]
Patrice: What is this? You’re wearing an actual Long John? What? This is a Frat party, you just have to be drunk and look hot. Watch and learn.
[she gets up onto a table to get everyone’s attention at the party and shouts]
Patrice: Hey! Heeeyy! I’m so drunk!
[everyone at the party cheers]

Adam: Do I know you?
Emma: Hi, Adam Franklin of Camp Weehawken. I’m Emma Kurtzman. You tried to finger me!
Adam: Woh! Yeah! Wow! What are you…do you go here? What…what are you doing at party of Frats?
Emma: No, I go to…I go to M.I.T but um…I have this family thing and I grew up in
Adam: M.I.T! Wow! So you grew up to be a lot smarter than me.
Emma: Yeah, sometimes my neck gets sore.
Adam: Why?
Emma: Cause my brain’s so big.

Adam: I like you.
Emma: What? Why? You don’t even know me.
Adam: I like you.
Emma: I have to go to this stupid thing tomorrow, you wanna come with me?
Adam: Uh…yeah, sure. I’ll come with you. What is it?
Emma: Some stupid thing.

[Emma is at her father’s funeral and Adam is standing awkwardly wearing a bright yellow sweatshirt not realizing Emma had invited him to a funeral]
Emma: Mom, I want you to meet Adam.
[Adam hugs Emma’s mom]
Emma: And this is my sister, Katie and her lover Kevin.
Katie: Boyfriend! And my best friend.
Sandra Kurtzman: Oh, well. Thank you. I…I didn’t know you were dating someone Emma.
Emma: Oh, I’m not. I just had a one night stand with him when I was fourteen.
Adam: It’s a really nice funeral.

[after the funeral as Emma walks Adam back to his car]
Emma: I’m glad you stayed.
Adam: Me too. So I’ll call you soon.
Emma: Adam, you’re wonderful. If you’re lucky you’re never gonna see me again.

Eli: Hey!
Patrice: Did we? Yes, we did. We went to college together. You have two gay dads.
Eli: Yeah, I’m the man with the two gay dads.
Patrice: Yeah! They helped me move my boxes sophomore year.
Eli: They’re the best. I love them. I’m super straight, though. So, yeah.
Patrice: Okay.

[Emma runs into Adam, Eli and Adam’s girlfriend Vanessa at an LA market]
Emma: Adam.
Adam: Emma.
Eli: What is this, the beach pit? And yeah, that was a 90210 reference.
Patrice: Yeah, you’re super straight.

[catches Chuck taking a picture of dick on his cell phone and showing it to some actresses who walk away in disgust]
Lucy: Chuck! If I catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time I’m gonna take that thing away.

[after catching his father working out]
Alvin: Hit me.
Adam: No. I’m not gonna hit you. I don’t want to hurt you.
Alvin: You’re not gonna hurt me. Come on! Hit me. Give me your best shot.
[he breathes in and holds his stomach muscles]
Alvin: Come on, quick! Before I get a hernia!
Adam: No!
Alvin: You’re right. Let’s smoke some weed.

[as he’s preparing some weed to smoke]
Alvin: This is really good stuff. My agent got me one of those medical marijuana cards.
Adam: It’s nice to see they’re supporting your career.
Alvin: Yeah.

[as they are smoking weed in Alvin’s kitchen]
Alvin: So, are you having sex?
Adam: Yes. I’m having sex.
Alvin: Cause if you want any pointers, you know, I can help you out. If it’s one thing you learn after two failed marriages, it’s how to eat kitty. Anyone special?
Adam: No. Not since Vanessa.
Alvin: It’s been a year, it’s time to move on.
Adam: It’s been eight months, dad. What…what…what did you wanna talk to me about anyway?
Alvin: Uh…
[Adam sees a small dog coming into the kitchen]
Adam: Are you…you got a dog? Seriously, you guys…
[suddenly Vanessa wearing a bikini runs into the kitchen after the dog on seeing Vanessa Adam chokes on his smoke]
Vanessa: You didn’t tell him yet?
[Alvin looks away]
Vanessa: Damn!
[Vanessa runs out of the kitchen]

[after Adam has just found out Vanessa is sleeping with his father]
Adam: How long?
Alvin: Well…
Adam: How long?
Alvin: Not long. I…she needed a place to stay, because you know, her landlord is such a d-bag. Christmas. I ran into her at a party, we got to talking, about you mostly.
[suddenly Adam punches Alvin hard in the stomach and they both wince in pain]
Adam: It looks so soft! It’s not!

Adam: You’re fucking my ex-girlfriend?!
Alvin: Well, yeah. But…I…she’s just so hot.
Adam: I know how hot she is.
[suddenly Vanessa comes in through the door behind Adam]
Alvin: That’s really sweet. Thanks, guys!
Adam: Fuck you!

Eli: Hey, you know what the best part about my gay dads?
Adam: What?
Eli: They’re never gonna eat out my ex-girlfriends.
Wallace: That’s true.
[to Adam]
Wallace: Hey, I heard. You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?
Eli: Wow! Wallace!
Wallace: She chose your dad over you, man. That’s like trading an iPod for A-Trak.

[to Adam]
Eli: You need to get even. Go have sex with one of his ex-girlfriends.
Wallace: Hey, you think when he’s bustin’ a nut, he’s like ‘Great Scott’!
[Adam just looks at him]
Wallace: No?

Adam: That’s it. I’m goin’ for it.
Eli: Going for what?
Adam: I’m gonna call every girl in my phone until someone agrees to have sex with me.
Wallace: That’s strong. Toast to that.
Eli: Toast. That is a terrible self destructive plan and we’re behind you a hundred percent.

[after waking up naked on a strange couch]
Adam: Did you have a good time last night?
Shira: It was alright, nothing special.
Adam: Oh. I want you to know that I respect you.
Shira: Thank you.
Adam: Normally I would remember the name of someone that I’ve…
Shira: What? Oh, my God! Did you think we had sex? Oh, my God! We did not have sex.

[Guy walks into the room as Adam and Shira are talking with Adam still naked]
Guy: Hey, Adam. You left your socks in my room.
Adam: Did I?
Guy: You did.
Adam: Did I by chance leave my pants in your room?
Guy: No, when we met you weren’t wearing pants.
[Patrice walks into the room]
Patrice: Stop teasing him. You guys!
Adam: Patrice!
Patrice: Hey.
Adam: Hey, I know you.
Patrice: Yeah.

Adam: What happened last night? Did we…did we…?
Patrice: We had sex. Yeah. I really liked it. I didn’t know that my body could handle that much pain and that I would like it.
[Emma walks into the kitchen behind them]
Emma: You’re up!
Adam: Emma. You live here?
Emma: Yep. You feeling any better?
Adam: Uh…did I have sex with anyone on this apartment last night?
Emma: No, you didn’t.
Patrice: Oh, sorry.
Emma: You didn’t
[Patrice, Shira and Guy laugh]
Adam: Thank you. Yeah, that’s…that’s…this is…that’s funny. Let’s…let’s make fun of the hung over naked guy.
Emma: But um…I do have your pants, so if you want them come with me.
Adam: Yes, thank you.

[Adam goes to get off the couch and get his pants from Emma’s room but is embarrassed by his nakedness]
Patrice: Oh, you don’t have to get embarrassed because we’re all doctors. So we see literally hundreds of penises a week.
Guy: I see thousands.
Shira: I just pulled a penis out of a Vitamin Water yesterday, so we are cool with penises here.
Emma: Okay.
Patrice: We’re professionals.
Adam: Well, it has been a pleasure.
[Adam gets up and they all stare at his ass and clap as he walks towards Emma’s room]
Patrice: Bravo.
Guy: Nice.
Patrice: Bravo. Bravo.
Guy: Yep. I’m definitely gay.

Adam: So how did I get here?
Emma: Um…you texted me that it was an emergency and I texted you my address and then you came over. And um…I think you thought you were at home because you started taking off all your clothes.
Adam: Oh, God!
Emma: Here are your pants.

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