No Strings Attached Quotes – ‘So what happens now?’

[referring to Sam’s car]
Adam: Wow! Prius. Nice. It’s kind of girly, but nice.
Sam: What do you drive?
Adam: Ah, just an old BMW, five series. Right there
[points to his car]
Sam: Oh, yeah. Sure. But I actually paid for mine, I didn’t take it from my parents.
Adam: Yeah, I paid for mine too.
Sam: Oh, yeah?
Adam: You’re a big guy. Do you work out?
Sam: Oh, I row.
Adam: Like boats?
Sam: I rowed crew at Harvard.
Adam: Oh, Harvard. What were you a cocksman? What do they say? What do they call it?
Sam: Coxswain. No.

Sam: You know I get it, right. You’re sleeping with Emma.
Adam: I’m what?
Sam: You and Emma have sex sometimes. I get it. She’s tired, she calls you up, you drive over and have sex for guessing ten minutes. Think that’s going to last?
Adam: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sam: Sure you do. That’s fine for now, but you should just know that I’m going to be there right next to her every day, using big words, saving people’s lives. Then when she’s done having a fun with you, she’s going to come running to me because I’m a grown up and I have a real job. I can actually take care of her. You know? I’m the guy she marries, Adam. You’re the guy she fucked a couple of times in the handicap bathroom.

[as Adam walks into the apartment and finds Eli holding his legs up and looking at his feet]
Eli: I’m not saying Alvin and I did mushrooms together, but I’m not prepared to say that we didn’t. I know that you have issues with your dad, and that’s cool. But he really likes you and he definitely likes me and we were just jamming ideas and goofing around and tripping our balls off.

[after she’s told Emma about her engagement]
Katie: Mom is so excited. She was like screaming and crying last night! Oh, and she’s going to fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress.
Emma: With who? Bones? Who’s Bones?
Katie: Oh, crap.
Emma: Katie. Katie, who’s Bones?
Katie: He’s mom’s friend. I wasn’t supposed to tell you about it. Crap!
Emma: She has a boyfriend named Bones? What is he a drifter?
Katie: No!
Emma: Why didn’t she tell me?
Katie: Well Emma, you’re so good at being alone. Mom and I aren’t like that.
Emma: What’s that supposed to mean?
Katie: It’s Just, it’s true.
Emma: Look, Katie, you are twenty two. Do you really think you’re ready to quit school…?
Katie: I love him.

Patrice: Tea for you, Gina.
Emma: Thanks. My sister’s getting married.
Patrice: Yes, we know that.
Guy: We heard.
Shira: Oh, shut up, Emma!
Patrice: Did you take your Pamprin?
Shira: Leave me alone.
Patrice: You leave me alone.
Guy: I love it when we’re all on the same cycle. We all get to be passive aggressive and fight.
Patrice: You are not even a woman!

Adam: Oh, I understand what’s going on. You’re all on the same cycle. This is very exciting. Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
Shira: Nice memorization. Did you Google that?
Adam: I may have. Because you’re women. And I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Patrice: It’s like a crime scene in my pants.
[Adam takes out a CD]
Adam: Oh, I also made you this.
[hands the CD to Emma]
Adam: To help soothe your womb.
[reading the CD songs]
Patrice: It’s a mix! “Even Flow.” “Red, Red Wine.”
Shira: “Sunday Bloody Sunday”?
Emma: Adam, did you make me a period mix?
Guy: That’s so romantic!
Patrice: Frank Sinatra, “I’ve Got the World on a String”!
Emma: Oh!
Adam: That’s a classic.

[Emma wakes up to find Adam spooning her]
Emma: Adam! Adam!
Adam: What?
Emma: We fell asleep, we were spooning.
Adam: We were?
Emma: Yeah. And we were spooning with our clothes on which is like ten times worse.
Adam: Oh, shit.
Emma: Yeah.
Adam: Fully clothed spoon.
Emma: This is bad!

Emma: Maybe we should, maybe we should stop for a while.
Adam: No, we’re not stopping.
Emma: Yeah, well. I don’t know. Go hook up with someone else.
Adam: Are you serious?
Emma: Yeah. Go to the nearest bar and have sex with a stranger.
Adam: You’re kidding?
Emma: No.
Adam: This is crazy.
Emma: You made me a period mix. Adam, this is an emergency.

Adam: So you just want me to go?
Emma: Yeah.
Adam: Just have sex with a random woman?
Emma: Yeah, go.
Adam: Like a sexual woman?
Emma: Yes! I’ll go have sex with someone too.
Adam: Okay.
Emma: No, this is going to be…
Adam: Yeah.
Emma: This is going to be good for us.
[he gets off the bed and walks out of her room]
Adam: That’s great. Great. Well done. Well played.

Adam: She said I should hook up with other people. I mean what am I supposed to do with that.
Wallace: Look at my face.
Adam: No, I get it. I…
Wallace: Look at my face. What does my face say?
Eli: Yeah, Adam. Come on. You’re living every man’s dream. I mean she wants you to hook up with other girls.
Wallace: Yes.
Eli: Look in ten years from now you’re going to be having sex with your wife. And it’s going to be in the missionary position and one of you is going to be asleep.
Wallace: Yep.
Eli: And you’re going to think back to this moment and you’re going to call me up, crying. And I’m going to laugh in your face, Adam. I’m sorry, but it’s what I’m going to do. This is a gift right now.
Wallace: You don’t even have to have breakfast with her!

Shira: You bringing Adam to the Christmas party tonight?
Emma: No. Things were getting too intense so we decided not to see each other until we hook up with other people.
Shira: Okay. Yes. Good! We are getting laid tonight, right? This is going to be like Sideways except that you’re Paul Giamatti and I’m the guy that gets laid.
Emma: I can’t get laid?
Shira: No. Tonight is about me, Emma. Alright? I’m feeling hot. I’m feeling good. I am wearing bikini bottoms because my other underwear is dirty. Alright, we’re hot! You feel hot?
Emma: [shrugs] No one threw up on me today.
[Emma walks away]
Shira: We’re sluts, Emma! We’re dirty, dirty sluts!
Emma: Okay.
Shira: Remember, we’re sluts!

[a very drunk Emma interrupts Adam’s night with Lisa and Joy]
Joy: What’s going on?
Emma: Oh.
Adam: This is Joy.
Joy: I’m Joy. Hi.
[to Adam]
Emma: Good for you.
[Lisa, wearing nothing but her underwear, joins them at the door]
Lisa: Adam?
Adam: And this is Lisa.
Emma: You are such an overachiever.
Adam: Thank you.
Lisa: Uh, no, we don’t need her. Make her leave.
Emma: No, you leave.
Lisa: Are you trying to get rid of us?
Emma: You look like a pumpkin, bitch!
Adam: This is amazing.

[Emma goes nuts on Lisa and Joy prompting them to leave of Adam’s place]
Emma: Ring-ring! It’s the pumpkin patch. They want their pumpkins back!
Lisa: We’re not pumpkins!
Joy: We’re ladies!
Emma: But you’re so orange!
[Adam tries carrying Emma inside]
Emma: Hey! Someone call Charlie Brown! We found the Great Pumpkin!

[referring to Emma going nuts on Lisa and Joy]
Adam: You’re crazy. I felt like Flava-Flav.
Emma: I can’t believe you chose those girls.
Adam: Are you jealous?
Emma: Don’t do that. Don’t just disappear like that on me.
Adam: You told me to.
Emma: You shouldn’t listen to me.
Adam: Fine, I won’t.
[she kisses him]

[Adam is in hospital for punching his hand into a wall]
Emma: Dr. Metzner? Adam, what’s going on? What happened?
Dr. Metzner: He sprained his wrist punching a wall.
Emma: You texted me that you were dying.
Adam: It really hurt.
Dr. Metzner: I gave him some Hydrocodone for the night. It’s a very strong painkiller. You might want to have Dr. Kurtzman here drive you home. And here is a prescription for an anti-inflammatory.
[hands it to Emma]
Dr. Metzner: Don’t worry, you’re in good hands. Your girlfriend here is a very talented doctor.
Emma: No! No. I’m, I’m not his girlfriend.
Adam: She is not my girlfriend.
Dr. Metzner: Oh sorry. I saw that he listed you as an emergency contact. My mistake. Feel better.
[Emma gives Adam a dirty look]
Dr. Metzner: Oh, uh, by the way, I enjoyed your dad’s TV show. Great Scott! It’s funny stuff.
Adam: I’ll tell him you said that.
[he pops a painkiller]

Adam: My dad invited me to dinner, he’s bringing Vanessa. You have to come.
Emma: No, I don’t. I just worked fourteen hours. I’m not going to meet your parents.
Adam: You know what? Just help me. These are really powerful painkillers. I can’t feel anything.
[suddenly Emma slaps Adam]
Emma: Feel that?
Adam: Yeah. I felt that.

[having dinner with his father and Vanessa]
Alvin: How long have you two been together?
Emma: Oh, we’re not.
Adam: We’re sex friends.
Emma: Yeah. Yes, we are.
Adam: We’re friends with benefits. Fuck buddies.
Alvin: Great Scott!

Vanessa: I know this might be hard, but just because I’m your ex-girlfriend doesn’t mean that you can’t look at me as a kind of mom.
Emma: Oh, boy!
Vanessa: Especially, because well, Alvin and I have been talking about creating new life together.
Alvin: You see we were at the Burning Man.
Vanessa: And we were all dressed up.
Alvin: Yeah. I was dressed as a fire bird.
Emma: And what were you dressed as?
Vanessa: I was naked. And we were just out there in the desert, and he was burying my bare body in the sand.
Alvin: Yeah, pecking at it with my fire beak.
Vanessa: And then I just though, you know, what if all these grains of sand were actually babies?
Alvin: And so we…
Vanessa: We had this wonderful idea.
Alvin: And we, well, we’d like your blessing, Adam. How do you feel about the two of us having a baby together.
[suddenly Adam bangs his head hard on the table]

Emma: This isn’t really my place. I mean, who am I? I just have sex with your son sometimes. But…
Adam: Yes, she does.
Emma: But, there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world since you’re acting like children already.
Vanessa: That was really mean.
Emma: Yeah, I’m mean. But you’re fucking crazy. Because given the choice between Adam and his dad, given the choice between Adam and anyone really, I’d choose Adam, every time.
[to Adam]
Emma: Do you want to get out of here?
Adam: Yeah. Fuck this.
[they get up to leave]
Emma: Oh, by the way. It’s the best sex of my life.
[yells to Alvin and Vanessa as they walk out of the restaurant]
Emma: Great Scott!

Adam: Go on a date with me.
Emma: [laughing] You’re heavily sedated.
Adam: Come on, it’s one date. Just do it.
Emma: Why? So I can wear make-up and act perfect all night?
Adam: Yeah. I’ll pick you up and we can talk about our favorite books and our favorite TV shows and I’ll pay for everything. And you can reward me with an over the jeans cock rub. Like a real date.
Emma: Is that what you really want?
Adam: This Friday.
Emma: This Friday is Valentine’s Day.
Adam: Yeah.
Emma: No.
Adam: Go big or go home. They’ll be hearts and maybe some flowers. One date.
Emma: Fine.
Adam: What?
Emma: I’ll go on a date with you.

Emma: I made you a Valentine’s Day card.
Adam: What?
[takes the card looks at it and laughs]
Adam: It’s perfect. Will you read it for me? Is that weird?
[Emma takes the card back and reads it]
Emma: You give me premature ventricular contractions.
Adam: I’m assuming that’s a good thing.
Emma: You make my heart skip a beat.
Adam: Aww.
Emma: Don’t make fun of me!
Adam: Wow!

[at the diner during their Valentine’s Day date]
Emma: I don’t get my own milkshake?
Adam: No, it’s one milkshake, two straws. That’s what makes it so special.
Emma: But I’m so hungry
Adam: We have dinner, later. Didn’t you read the itinerary?
Emma: You’re going to get more shake you have a bigger mouth.
Adam: You have a pretty big mouth.

[as Adam tries to show his feelings during their date]
Emma: I can’t do this. Could you please take me back to work?
Adam: No. No. That’s not the deal. The deal is that we’re going to walk around and we’re going to look at the twinkly lights and then…
Emma: Why are you messing everything up?
Adam: It’s what people do. I mean, they buy each other flowers and they go to museums and they don’t…
Emma: You know me. This stuff freaks me out. It’s fake. What’s wrong with what we were doing? It’s working, we don’t have to fight, we don’t have to…
Adam: Maybe I want to fight.
Emma: Yeah, well. I don’t!
Adam: What are you going to do? You’re just, you’re never going to feel anything? How are you going to do that?
Emma: I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.
Adam: You’re so messed up.
Emma: Yeah? I don’t need you to take care of me, I take care of myself. That’s what I do.

Emma: Why don’t you go find some other girl who’s not going to hurt you?
Adam: Because I love you.
[suddenly Emma starts hitting and pushing him]
Adam: It’s obvious. I completely love you! There!
[she continues to hit and push him]
Adam: Oh! You’re such a wimp!
Emma: I am not a wimp.
Adam: Well then be with me!
[she continues to push and hit him]
Adam: Okay, you’re going to fight me. Is that, you’re going to fight. You can’t fight me, you’re miniature. You’re like a girl Rick Moranis. You fight like a hamster.

[as Adam drives Emma back to the hospital from their disastrous date]
Adam: I can’t keep doing this. I’m not going to see you again.
Emma: I know, that makes sense.
Adam: Bye.

Lucy: I read your script and I love it. I really do.
Adam: Really?
Lucy: Yeah. And honestly like I didn’t think that you could write, mainly because you’re so just so beautiful. Uh, seriously it’s distracting for me.
Adam: Thank you for reading it.
Lucy: Yeah.

[referring to how she came over to Adam’s as soon as he read his script]
Lucy: It sounds crazy, because now that I’m saying it out loud it does sound crazy.
Adam: It’s no crazy. Thank you for reading it.
Lucy: No. No. No. I emailed it to Megan.
Adam: No shit?
Lucy: Yeah! And, uh, let’s see what she says.
Adam: Wow!
Lucy: Yeah, I told her she’d be crazy to not like it. But then again she is a functioning psychotic. So it’s like, who knows!

Lucy: I feel like I’m talking too much about this, but…
Adam: Hey, do you want to…?
Lucy: What? Yeah, sorry. What were you going to…?
Adam: Just to hang out?
Lucy: Oh, that’s crazy. I was like, what’s he going to say and then you said that. It’s not what I thought you were going to say. Um…
[Adam pulls out a chair for her]
Lucy: Oh! That is a chair.
[she sits down]
Lucy: Fuck, yeah. Do I curse too much?
Adam: Fuck, no!

[to Emma who is looking sad and depressed 6 weeks later after breaking up with Adam]
Shira: Can I say something? And don’t take this the wrong way, because you know I’ll be your friend no matter what. Just, you’ve been kind of depressing to be around lately and I might start avoiding you in the hallway, that’s all. Just thought you should know.

[referring to her boyfriend, who’s sleeping and snoring loudly in the car as Emma drives]
Sandra Kurtzman: He’s an amazing lover.
Emma: Oh, boy!
Sandra Kurtzman: That’s why they call him Bones.

Sandra Kurtzman: You know I worry about you sometimes.
Emma: Why? Is this about me not having a date?
Sandra Kurtzman: No. No. I know you can dance alone and I know that you’ll be fine. You’re always fine.
Emma: So?
Sandra Kurtzman: I don’t know. When we lost your father I couldn’t stand to see you in pain and I think you knew that. And I think that you got good at being strong for me. But I’m telling you be hurt. I can take it. The world can take it.
[Emma looks tearful]
Emma: Okay.

[celebrating after Adam’s show air’s]
Wallace: Great job!.
Eli: Yeah. Great job, man.
Wallace: Yeah. Really good.
Adam: What you guys like it? Like really?
Wallace: Yeah.
Eli: Wallace cried.
Wallace: So? It reminded me of my senior prom. I got a hand job on the dance floor to ‘Who Let the Dogs Out.’

[to Adam, referring to Lucy]
Wallace: Why are you not trying to fuck that girl?
Eli: Yeah. She’s crazy hot, Adam. She’s like a sexy scientist.
Wallace: You need to go over there and man up. You need to go for it. We’re counting on you here, man. Man up, man!
Eli: Man up!
[Adam walks over to Lucy]
Wallace: Go for it! Man up!
Eli: You keep saying ‘Man up’, you cried during the show.
Wallace: I liked the show.

Emma: I can’t stop thinking about him.
Katie: Who? Adam?
Emma: Yeah. I know it’s over and I’m looking, it’s just no one is as…
Katie: Tall.
Emma: He’s so tall.
Katie: So tall.
Emma: And he’s so like…
Katie: Happy.
Emma: Annoyingly happy all the time. But he has this, he has the best heart.

[Emma calls Adam whilst he’s at his show opening party]
Adam: Hello?
Emma: Hi. It’s Emma Kurtzman from Camp Weehawken.
Adam: Yes. What is it?
Emma: So my sister’s getting married in Santa Barbara tomorrow and, uh, I don’t know. I heard your show was tonight. Uh, congratulations.
Adam: Thank you.
Emma: I know this is random. I just, um, I miss you. I miss you so much.
Adam: Okay. I don’t know what to say. You’re calling me because you’re at your sister’s wedding and she looks happy and everyone is happy and you’re not.
Emma: I thought, I don’t know what I thought. I just I guess I wanted to hear your voice. I mean, I know we broke up but…
Adam: Emma. We didn’t break up. We never started. I got to go, um, I’m still at work, so. Uh, have fun at the wedding and tell your sister congratulations. Bye.
[he hangs up]
Emma: Oh, fuck!
[Emma looks at Katie]
Emma: I have to…
Katie: Go.
Emma: Now!

[after driving to Adam’s and finding Adam arrive home with Lucy Emma call Katie]
Katie: Hey! How did it go? Did you find him?
Emma: Yeah, he was with, with a girl. It’s his girlfriend. And I was in a bush.
Katie: Oh crap. Are you still there?
Emma: Yeah.
Katie: Okay, get in your car and drive away. And how much money do you have on you?
Emma: Uh, like ten bucks.
Katie: Okay, the box of fifty doughnut holes is five seventy nine. You’re going to need two boxes.
[Emma starts to cry]
Emma: I lost him!
Katie: I’m so sorry.
Emma: Yeah.
Katie: I love you.
Emma: I know.

Lucy: So then when I was like, eleven, I was in therapy because I was like obsessively, um, biting my hair and then three months in my therapist died. I know! So it was like, that was kind of a bummer. But yeah, that’s why I hate planes.
Adam: Oh.
[Adam hands her glass of wine]
Lucy: Thanks. So that’s that story.
Adam: Cheers.
Lucy: Oh, thank you.
[they drink from their glasses then go to kiss but instead bang their foreheads together]
Lucy: Ow!
Adam: Ow! Ow!
Lucy: I’m so sorry. That was such a fail on my part.

[Adam arrives at the hospital after he’s heard his father has been admitted]
Vanessa: Okay, don’t freak out. Okay? You’re overdosed from cough syrup.
Adam: He what?
Vanessa: The purple drank.
Adam: The purple drank?
Vanessa: It’s, um, SevenUp, cough syrup and a Jolly Rancher.
Adam: Why would he do that, Vanessa?
Vanessa: Because he loves Lil Wayne, okay! You don’t know everything about your dad.
Adam: Why are you making him listen to Lil Wayne? You should be taking care of him.
Vanessa: I can’t do this. I can’t do it. I, you know, I didn’t think that it was going to be so, I don’t want to have kids! I just want to have fun. He’s so old.
Adam: Yeah. He’s getting older and you’re going to have to deal with that.
Vanessa: Adam, old people scare me.
Adam: Let’s just go see him. Okay?
Vanessa: No! No! No! I can’t! I can’t! Adam, I can’t. I’ve got to go. My friend, she’s having a party. I’m already so late. Will you just take Freckles?
[she pushes the Freckles, the dog, towards him]
Adam: Don’t take this wrong way, but you’re a terrible person.
Vanessa: Just take Freckles.
[he takes the dog and Vanessa leaves]

[visiting his dad in hospital]
Alvin: You know who I wish was here right now? You’re mom.
Adam: Yeah, well you left her. Why?
Alvin: When you’re married and you do blow, try to stay away from women who want to fuck you. Even ugly women. Blow is blind, Adam. Blow is blind.
Adam: You’re an asshole.
Alvin: But you’re not. You got a good heart, Adam. Try to keep it.

[referring to Emma]
Adam: She drives me crazy.
Alvin: Hey. I’m fifty eight years old. I’ve been married three times.
Adam: Twice.
Alvin: Okay. I got six pictures of my cock on my phone and two of someone else’s. And I’m still pretty high on the cough syrup, so you can take this with a grain of salt. But we don’t pick who we fall in love with, and it never happens like it should.
[he picks Freckles up and looks at him]
Alvin: I may have to kill this dog, I just haven’t decided how.

[Adam call Emma as he’s leaving the hospital after seeing his dad]
Adam: Hey, you can’t call me and tell me that you miss me. I don’t want to have that conversation on the phone. So you can’t text me and you can’t e-mail me and you can’t write on my wall. Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come and see me.
[Emma get out of her car which is parked outside the hospital]
Emma: I’m here.
Adam: How did you know that…?
Emma: Shira texted me about your dad, so I came here.

Emma: I know I just can’t call you.
Adam: No, you can’t.
Emma: I know. I hurt you, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I wasted so much time pretending I didn’t care. I guess I just didn’t want to feel like this. It hurts.
[she starts crying]
Emma: But I love you. I’m totally completely and in love with you and I don’t care if you think it’s too late, I’m telling you anyway.
[Adam just stares at her]
Emma: Will you please say something?
Adam: Wait. You should know, if you come any closer, I’m not letting you go.
[she takes a step closer and he suddenly grabs her and kisses her]
Emma: I love you.
Adam: That’s good.
[they kiss again]

Emma: Want to go with me to this stupid thing.
Adam: Your sister’s wedding thing?
[Emma nods her head]
Adam: And how long do we have to be there?
Emma: A couple of hours. What do you want to do?
Adam: Something crazy.

[as they are eating a large breakfast at a diner]
Adam: Wow! Now I know why you never want to have breakfast with me.
Emma: What?
Adam: You eat like a baby dinosaur. You don’t even chew.
Emma: You think you can get used to it?
Adam: Yeah, I think so.
Emma: Good. I was hoping we could do this a lot more.
Adam: Really?
Emma: Mm-hmm.

Adam: You know, I was thinking we’re going to have to come up with some new rules. I’d like to start calling you ‘honey’ and ‘babe’.
Emma: I don’t know about ‘babe’.
Adam: No?
Emma: Hmm.
Adam: Snuggling?
Emma: Oh, yeah. I think we’ll just hang in.
Adam: Wow! This is all moving so fast.
Emma: Also, I’d like to leave the door open when I pee.
Adam: I think, no.
Emma: I think I’m going to do it all the time. It’s going to get weird.

[last lines before credits; as they arrive just in time for Katie’s wedding]
Emma: So what happens now?
[he takes hold of her hand]