Starring: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Kline, Cary Elwes, Greta Gerwig, Lake Bell, Olivia Thirlby, Ludacris, Jake M. Johnson, Mindy Kaling, Talia Balsam, Ophelia Lovibond, Guy Branum, Ben Lawson, Jennifer Irwin, Adhir Kalyan
OUR RATING:★★★☆☆
Story:
Romantic comedy directed by Ivan Reitman. The story follows friends Emma (Natalie Portman) and Adam (Ashton Kutcher), who take their relationship to the next level by having sex. Afraid of ruining their friendship, the new lovers make a pact to keep things purely physical, with no fighting, no jealousy and no expectations. Emma and Adam pledge to do whatever they want, wherever they want, as long as they do not fall in love.
Our Favorite Quote:
‘We don't pick who we fall in love with, and it never happens like it should.’ – Alvin (No Strings Attached) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 90)
[first lines; at a camp party sitting alone together]
Young Adam: So, uh, I’m pretty good at archery.
Young Emma: Wow! That’ll be useful if you ever have a time machine and your time machine breaks and you’re stuck in the Medieval Ages.
Young Adam: You’re funny, it’s weird.
Young Emma: Yeah. I’m weird.
Young Adam: Me too.
Young Emma: Yeah, right. Everyone loves you and your dad’s like famous or something.
Young Adam: My parents are getting a divorce. That’s why I had to go to camp, so.
[Adam turns his face away looking upset and starts to cry]
Young Emma: Are you crying?
Young Adam: No.
[Emma sits closer to him and puts her hand on his shoulder]
Young Emma: Look, I’m not really an affectionate person. People aren’t meant to be together forever.
Young Adam: You think so?
Young Emma: Yeah.
Young Adam: Can I finger you?
Young Emma: No.
[after Emma arrives at a Frat party and recognizing Adam who’s dancing with a girl]
Patrice: Oh, my God! I told you that this was a pajama party, what are you wearing
[she unbuttons Emma’s coat and opens it and takes the coat off]
Patrice: What is this? You’re wearing an actual Long John? What? This is a Frat party, you just have to be drunk and look hot. Watch and learn.
[she gets up onto a table to get everyone’s attention at the party and shouts]
Patrice: Hey! Heeeyy! I’m so drunk!
[everyone at the party cheers]
Adam: Do I know you?
Emma: Hi, Adam Franklin of Camp Weehawken. I’m Emma Kurtzman. You tried to finger me!
Adam: Woh! Yeah! Wow! What are you, do you go here? What are you doing at party of Frats?
Emma: No, I go to, I go to M.I.T but, um, I have this family thing and I grew up in.
Adam: M.I.T! Wow! So you grew up to be a lot smarter than me.
Emma: Yeah, sometimes my neck gets sore.
Adam: Why?
Emma: Because my brain’s so big.
Adam: I like you.
Emma: What? Why? You don’t even know me.
Adam: I like you.
Emma: I have to go to this stupid thing tomorrow, you want to come with me?
Adam: Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll come with you. What is it?
Emma: Some stupid thing.
[Emma is at her father’s funeral and Adam is standing awkwardly wearing a bright yellow sweatshirt not realizing Emma had invited him to a funeral]
Emma: Mom, I want you to meet Adam.
[Adam hugs Emma’s mom]
Emma: And this is my sister, Katie and her lover Kevin.
Katie: Boyfriend! And my best friend.
Sandra Kurtzman: Oh, well. Thank you. I didn’t know you were dating someone Emma.
Emma: Oh, I’m not. I just had a one night stand with him when I was fourteen.
Adam: It’s a really nice funeral.
[after the funeral as Emma walks Adam back to his car]
Emma: I’m glad you stayed.
Adam: Me too. So I’ll call you soon.
Emma: Adam, you’re wonderful. If you’re lucky you’re never going to see me again.
Eli: Hey!
Patrice: Did we? Yes, we did. We went to college together. You have two gay dads.
Eli: Yeah, I’m the man with the two gay dads.
Patrice: Yeah! They helped me move my boxes sophomore year.
Eli: They’re the best. I love them. I’m super straight, though. So, yeah.
Patrice: Okay.
[Emma runs into Adam, Eli and Adam’s girlfriend Vanessa at an LA market]
Emma: Adam.
Adam: Emma.
Eli: What is this, the beach pit? And yeah, that was a 90210 reference.
Patrice: Yeah, you’re super straight.
[catches Chuck taking a picture of dick on his cell phone and showing it to some actresses who walk away in disgust]
Lucy: Chuck! If I catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time I’m going to take that thing away.
[after catching his father working out]
Alvin: Hit me.
Adam: No. I’m not going to hit you. I don’t want to hurt you.
Alvin: You’re not going to hurt me. Come on! Hit me. Give me your best shot.
[he breathes in and holds his stomach muscles]
Alvin: Come on, quick! Before I get a hernia!
Adam: No!
Alvin: You’re right. Let’s smoke some weed.
[as he’s preparing some weed to smoke]
Alvin: This is really good stuff. My agent got me one of those medical marijuana cards.
Adam: It’s nice to see they’re supporting your career.
Alvin: Yeah.
[as they are smoking weed in Alvin’s kitchen]
Alvin: So, are you having sex?
Adam: Yes. I’m having sex.
Alvin: Because if you want any pointers, you know, I can help you out. If it’s one thing you learn after two failed marriages, it’s how to eat kitty. Anyone special?
Adam: No. Not since Vanessa.
Alvin: It’s been a year, it’s time to move on.
Adam: It’s been eight months, dad. What did you want to talk to me about anyway?
Alvin: Uh…
[Adam sees a small dog coming into the kitchen]
Adam: Are you, you got a dog? Seriously, you guys…
[suddenly Vanessa wearing a bikini runs into the kitchen after the dog on seeing Vanessa Adam chokes on his smoke]
Vanessa: You didn’t tell him yet?
[Alvin looks away]
Vanessa: Damn!
[Vanessa runs out of the kitchen]
[after Adam has just found out Vanessa is sleeping with his father]
Adam: How long?
Alvin: Well…
Adam: How long?
Alvin: Not long. I, she needed a place to stay, because you know, her landlord is such a d-bag. Christmas. I ran into her at a party, we got to talking, about you mostly.
[suddenly Adam punches Alvin hard in the stomach and they both wince in pain]
Adam: It looks so soft! It’s not!
Adam: You’re fucking my ex-girlfriend?!
Alvin: Well, yeah. But I, she’s just so hot.
Adam: I know how hot she is.
[suddenly Vanessa comes in through the door behind Adam]
Alvin: That’s really sweet. Thanks, guys!
Adam: Fuck you!
Eli: Hey, you know what the best part about my gay dads?
Adam: What?
Eli: They’re never going to eat out my ex-girlfriends.
Wallace: That’s true.
[to Adam]
Wallace: Hey, I heard. You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?
Eli: Wow! Wallace!
Wallace: She chose your dad over you, man. That’s like trading an iPod for A-Trak.
[to Adam]
Eli: You need to get even. Go have sex with one of his ex-girlfriends.
Wallace: Hey, you think when he’s busting a nut, he’s like ‘Great Scott’!
[Adam just looks at him]
Wallace: No?
Adam: That’s it. I’m going for it.
Eli: Going for what?
Adam: I’m going to call every girl in my phone until someone agrees to have sex with me.
Wallace: That’s strong. Toast to that.
Eli: Toast. That is a terrible self destructive plan and we’re behind you a hundred percent.
[after waking up naked on a strange couch]
Adam: Did you have a good time last night?
Shira: It was alright, nothing special.
Adam: Oh. I want you to know that I respect you.
Shira: Thank you.
Adam: Normally I would remember the name of someone that I’ve…
Shira: What? Oh, my God! Did you think we had sex? Oh, my God! We did not have sex.
[Guy walks into the room as Adam and Shira are talking with Adam still naked]
Guy: Hey, Adam. You left your socks in my room.
Adam: Did I?
Guy: You did.
Adam: Did I by chance leave my pants in your room?
Guy: No, when we met you weren’t wearing pants.
[Patrice walks into the room]
Patrice: Stop teasing him. You guys!
Adam: Patrice!
Patrice: Hey.
Adam: Hey, I know you.
Patrice: Yeah.
Adam: What happened last night? Did we, did we…?
Patrice: We had sex. Yeah. I really liked it. I didn’t know that my body could handle that much pain and that I would like it.
[Emma walks into the kitchen behind them]
Emma: You’re up!
Adam: Emma. You live here?
Emma: Yep. You feeling any better?
Adam: Uh, did I have sex with anyone on this apartment last night?
Emma: No, you didn’t.
Patrice: Oh, sorry.
Emma: You didn’t
[Patrice, Shira and Guy laugh]
Adam: Thank you. Yeah, that’s, this is, that’s funny. Let’s make fun of the hung over naked guy.
Emma: But, um, I do have your pants, so if you want them come with me.
Adam: Yes, thank you.
[Adam goes to get off the couch and get his pants from Emma’s room but is embarrassed by his nakedness]
Patrice: Oh, you don’t have to get embarrassed because we’re all doctors. So we see literally hundreds of penises a week.
Guy: I see thousands.
Shira: I just pulled a penis out of a Vitamin Water yesterday, so we are cool with penises here.
Emma: Okay.
Patrice: We’re professionals.
Adam: Well, it has been a pleasure.
[Adam gets up and they all stare at his ass and clap as he walks towards Emma’s room]
Patrice: Bravo.
Guy: Nice.
Patrice: Bravo. Bravo.
Guy: Yep. I’m definitely gay.
Adam: So how did I get here?
Emma: Um, you texted me that it was an emergency and I texted you my address and then you came over. And, um, I think you thought you were at home because you started taking off all your clothes.
Adam: Oh, God!
Emma: Here are your pants.
Adam: So did I just pass out on your couch?
Emma: No. No, then you did this thing. It was like a dance.
Adam: Dance?
Emma: Yeah. Like…
[she moves her hand up and down motion]
Adam: I shook my dick at you?
Emma: Yeah.
Adam: Oh, shit! I’m sorry.
Emma: No. No. It was exciting. It was like, you were cheering while you were doing it. You were like, ‘Wooh, look at my dick!’
Adam: Did you look at it?
Emma: Yeah, I looked. It was nice. You have a really nice penis.
Adam: Nice?
Emma: It seems kind of like carefree.
Adam: Yeah?
Emma: Yeah.
Adam: Jesus! I don’t know where to start. My dad’s dating my ex-girlfriend.
Emma: You told me about it last night.
Adam: Did I tell you like a charming way? Was I like, charming and funny when I told you?
Emma: Yeah. You were naked and crying.
Adam: Yeah. I’m a mess.
[she sits down next to Adam on the bed and puts her arm round his shoulder]
Emma: Hey, it’s going to be okay.
Adam: Thanks. Seriously, thank you.
Emma: I should probably get ready now. I don’t want to be late.
Adam: Yeah. It’s, you don’t want to be late.
[he unties her robe]
Emma: No, that would be bad.
[they look at each other for a moment and then start kissing]
[after Adam sees meets Emma and her work colleague, Sam, at the bistro he and Eli are having lunch at]
Eli: You piece of shit.
Adam: What?
Eli: What? Let me ask you, did you have sex with Emma?
Adam: No.
Eli: Did you have sex with Emma?
Adam: Yes. I’m not supposed to tell anyone.
Eli: Yes! Wow!
[they high five each other]
Adam: I called her but she didn’t call me back. She sent me a text.
Eli: Alright, well what did she text you.
Adam: ‘Hi.’
Eli: Just ‘Hi’?
Adam: ‘Hi’!
Eli: With nothing else? Just H-I?
Adam: I don’t know, what do I, what do I do with that? I don’t know.
Eli: That’s not good. You just got to walk away, pal. It’s over.
Adam: Shit!
Eli: She’s not into it.
[as they watch Emma walk out of the Bistro and get into Sam’s car]
Adam: You really think she’s just using him for his car?
Eli: Uh, no, Adam, I don’t. I think he wants to fuck her in his Prius. And the thing about fucking in a Prius is that you don’t have to feel guilty afterwards.
Adam: Because it’s a carbon footprint.
Eli: Yeah.
[Adam shows up at Emma’s hospital with a balloon]
Emma: What are you doing here?
Adam: You didn’t call me back. So I thought I’d come here.
[referring to the balloon]
Adam: Oh, it’s for you.
Emma: Congrats? For what, having sex with you?
Adam: Yeah. You did a good job, so I thought you deserved a balloon.
Emma: I’m working.
Adam: Okay. So what’s up with not calling me back?
Emma: I’m not good at this stuff.
Adam: At what, talking?
Emma: Yeah. Talking, communicating, relationship stuff. That’s just, this is, if we were in a relationship I’d become a weird scary version of myself and my throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing. It’s like a peanut allergy, like an emotional peanut allergy.
Adam: Well, I can’t date you either. Because you’re not my dad’s type, so.
[referring to Adam]
Emma: But the height difference! We stand next to each other it looks like he’s kidnapping me. What?
[Patrice shakes her head]
Patrice: You always do this. You always find something wrong with everybody who likes you. And I date guys who have real problems. I date guys who steal my credit card and then they tell me it’s my fault because I left it out. You find these perfect guys and then you’re like, ‘It’ll never work, he’s too happy!’
[to the guy they pass as they walk along the hospital corridor]
Emma: What’s up, Dr. Metzner!
[to Patrice]
Emma: Did I just say, ‘what’s up’ to Steven Metzner’?
Patrice: That was really hard to watch.
Emma: Look I know I’m supposed to want to be in a relationship, but I just end up with a broken heart and a bunch of his old t-shirts.
[she takes our her phone]
Emma: I mean just from a purely logical perspective…
Patrice: What are you doing?
Emma: I’m texting him.
Patrice: Of course you are.
Eli: You know, you shouldn’t have gotten her a balloon actually. What do you think you are, the old guy from “Up”?
Adam: You told me to get her a balloon!
Eli: Well I didn’t think you’d actually do it. It’s a terrible idea.
[as he receives a text]
Adam: It’s from Emma.
Eli: Well what does it say?
Adam: ‘Where are you?’
Eli: What are you writing?
Adam: ‘Hi, how are you doing?’ And then a winky face.
Eli: No, Adam. It’s after ten p.m. Come on, the where are you text is like saying, ‘Hey, I want to have sex with you. But I just need to know how drunk you are.’
Wallace: Hey, did you fuck Emma and then bring her a balloon?
Adam: What?
[to Eli]
Adam: Did you tell him?
Eli: No! Yes!
Adam: You can’t tell anyone!
Eli: She just texted him ‘Where are you?’
Wallace: Oh, she wants the dick.
Eli: Adam, you want to come back strong here. You know, go from a position of power. Something like, ‘Where am I? Why don’t you check your underpants?’
Wallace: Yeah.
Eli: Yeah!
Wallace: Don’t write that.
Adam: I would never write that.
Wallace: See I like to be kind of scary. Like, ‘Boo! Here comes my dick.’
[referring to replying to Emma’s text]
Wallace: So what did you write back?
Adam: ‘Hi.’
Wallace: Yeah, that could work.
Eli: Yeah, it’s not bad. Hi is fine.
[Adam gets text from Emma saying ‘Your pace in 30 mins?’]
[after having sex Adam gets close to Emma and puts his head on her shoulder]
Emma: We probably shouldn’t snuggle.
Adam: Yeah, that just felt wrong.
Adam: You know, I don’t want to freak you out, but I’d love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.
Emma: It’s not really possible. I have no time. I work eighty hours a week doing thirty six hour shifts. What I need is someone who’s going to be in my bed in two a.m., who I don’t have to lie to or eat breakfast with.
Adam: I hate breakfast and lying. I also hate war.
Emma: Do you want to do this?
Adam: Do what?
Emma: Use each other for sex at all hours of the day and night, nothing else.
Adam: Yeah, I could do that.
Emma: Good. It’s going to be fun.
Adam: Hey, you know this is never going to work.
Emma: Why not?
Adam: Because clearly you’re going to fall in love with me.
Emma: Oh, really? Well, then we just do this until one of us feels something more and then we stop.
Adam: Well it won’t be me.
Emma: It won’t be me.
[he kisses her]
Adam: Good luck with that.
Emma: We should keep this simple. I mean, maybe we should establish some ground rules.
Adam: Ground rules, good idea.
Emma: Okay, well we can start with no fighting. No lying.
Adam: Those are good ones.
Emma: No jealousy. No staring deeply into each other’s eyes.
Emma: Don’t list me as your emergency contact. I won’t come.
Adam: Isn’t that against your Hippocratic Oath?
Emma: Yeah.
Adam: Yeah?
Emma: I’d let you die!
Adam: Oh, yeah?
[as she’s about to leave to meet Adam for another booty call]
Emma: I’ll be back in like, an hour.
Shira: Have fun.
Emma: I’m just getting some yogurt.
[to herself as Emma walks out of the apartment]
Shira: God, I am single as fuck.
[looking at Adam’s penis wearing 3-D glasses]
Emma: Oh, my God! It looks like it’s coming right at me.
Adam: Hey, oh, one more thing. Don’t call my penis cute. Even if it’s dressed up like a Care Bear and it’s giving you a care stare.
Emma: Don’t dress up your penis. Ever!
[as Adam and Emma are having loud sex, Eli walks over to Adams room and bangs loudly on his door]
Eli: I can’t focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!
Total Quotes: 90