Starring: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Kevin McNally, Sam Claflin, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, Stephen Graham, Keith Richards, Richard Griffiths, Greg Ellis, Damian O’Hare, Judi Dench
OUR RATING: ★★½
Action adventure fantasy sequel directed by Rob Marshall. The story follows Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), who crosses paths with a woman from his past, Angelica (Penélope Cruz), a beautiful pirate that Jack once loved then left. Angelica forces him to accompany her to the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship of the notorious Blackbeard (Ian McShane). Accompanied by a zombie crew, the trio sets sail to find the legendary Fountain of Youth. However, Jack’s rival, Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), also seeks The Fountain, as does a ship from Spain.
[Jack Sparrow’s first lines; dressed as a judge]
Jack Sparrow: Now, what do we have here?
Jailor: Shut up!
[he hits Gibbs]
Jack Sparrow: It’s not necessary.
Jack Sparrow: You were saying?
Gibbs: Jack Sparrow is not my name. My name is Joshamee Gibbs.
Jack Sparrow: Is that so? It says Jack Sparrow here.
Gibbs: I told them. I’m not Jack Sparrow, who I would be happy to identify to the court if it would help my case.
Jack Sparrow: I think that would be a poor defense. Unless you want to be bludgeoned again, like a harp seal.
[to the jury]
Jack Sparrow: Prisoner claims to be innocent to being Jack Sparrow. How do you find?
Foreman: No trial? But aren’t we here to examine the evidence?
Jack Sparrow: Foreman, your finding? Guilty?
Foreman: Guilty verdict means he’ll hang.
[the court crowds cheers for a hanging]
Gibbs: That’s not fair!
Jack Sparrow: Shut it! Joshamee Gibbs, the crime of which you’ve been found guilty of, is being innocent of being Jack Sparrow. I hereby commute your sentence and order that you be imprisoned for the remainder of your miserable, moribund, mutton-chopped life. There!
Gibbs: Hells teeth! Now we’re both headed for prison!
Jack Sparrow: Not to worry. I’ve paid off the driver. Ten minutes, we’ll be outside London town, horses waiting. Tonight we’ll make the coast. Then it’s just a matter of finding the ship.
Gibbs: All part of the plan, yes?
Jack Sparrow: Exactly! I arrived in London town just this morning to rescue one Joshamee Gibbs from one appointment with the gallows. Seeing how you’re still alive, I say it’s all been very successful thus far.
Jack Sparrow: What happened to you Gibbs? I thought you were employed elsewhere or otherwise engaged?
Gibbs: Aye, but I always listened like a thief for news of the Black Pearl. Nobody seen where she might next make port. Then, I hear a rumor. Jack Sparrow is in London, with a ship and looking for a crew.
Jack Sparrow: Am not!
Gibbs: But that’s what I heard. The fact is you’re signing up me life. Pub called the Cattles daughter.
Jack Sparrow: Am not!
Gibbs: Well, I thought it a bit odd. Then, you’ve never been the most predictable of sorts.
Jack Sparrow: Tell me something. There is another Jack Sparrow out there sullying my good name?
Gibbs: An impostor!
Jack Sparrow: Indeed. But, an impostor with a ship.
Gibbs: And in need of a crew.
Jack Sparrow: Which as fate would have it, so am I.
Gibbs: What about you, Jack? Last I heard you were hell bent to find The Fountain of Youth. Any luck?
Jack Sparrow: Circumstances arose and forced compelling insight, regarding discretion and valor.
Gibbs: Meaning, you gave up!
Jack Sparrow: I did not! I’m just as bent as ever! Hellishly so! I shall taste those waters, Master Gibbs. Mark my words.
Lord John Carteret: You are Jack Sparrow.
Jack Sparrow: There should be a Captain in there somewhere.
King George: I’ve heard of you. And you know who I am?
Jack Sparrow: Face is familiar. Have I threatened you before?
Prime Minister Henry Pelham: You are in the presence of George Augustus, Duke of Brunswick-Luneburg. Arch treasurer and prince elector of the holy Roman empire and King of Great Britain and Ireland. And of you.
Jack Sparrow: Doesn’t ring a bell.
King George: I am informed you are come to London to procure a crew for your ship.
Jack Sparrow: This is rumor. Not true.
King George: Then you lied to me when you told me you were Jack Sparrow?
Jack Sparrow: I am Jack Sparrow. But I’m not here to procure a crew. That is someone else.
King George: Ah! Someone else named Jack Sparrow.
[to his men]
King George: You’ve brought me the wrong wasteral. Find the proper one and dispose of this impostor.
Jack Sparrow: No! Wait! Wait! Wait! Hang on a minute! I’m Jack Sparrow, the one and only. And I am in London.
King George: Have you a map?
Jack Sparrow: No.
Prime Minister Henry Pelham: Where is it?
Jack Sparrow: The truth. I lost it. Quite recently, in fact.
King George: I have a report, the Spanish have located The Fountain of Youth.
King George: I will not have some melancholy Spanish monarch, a catholic, gain eternal life!
Prime Minister Henry Pelham: You do know the way to The Fountain?
Jack Sparrow: Of course I do. Look at me!
Lord John Carteret: You could guide an expedition.
Jack Sparrow: With your permission, your highny, you will be providing them a ship and a crew.
King George: And a captain.
Jack Sparrow: Hector. How nice to see a fellow pirate make good of himself.
Barbossa: Pirate? Nay! Privateer on a sanctioned mission under the authority and protection of the crown.
Jack Sparrow: As may be. But first, what has become of my beloved Pearl?
Barbossa: I lost the Pearl as I lost my leg!
Jack Sparrow: Lost the Pearl?
Barbossa: Aye. I defended her mightily enough. But she sunk none the less.
[suddenly Jack goes to grab Barbossa, but the King’s guards grab hold of him]
Jack Sparrow: If that ship be sunk properly, you should be sunk with it.
Jack Sparrow: You sir, have stooped.
Barbossa: Jack, our sands all but run. Where’s the harm in joining the winning side. And you do meet a nicer class of person.
Jack Sparrow: I understand everything. Except that wig!
Captain Teague: Hello, Jackie.
Jack Sparrow: Hello, dad.
Captain Teague: I heard you’re putting together a crew.
Jack Sparrow: If enough people are saying it, it must be true!
Captain Teague: I heard where you’re headed. The Fountain.
Jack Sparrow: Have you been there?
Captain Teague: Does this face look like it’s been to The Fountain of Youth?
Jack Sparrow: Depends on the light.
Captain Teague: And one last thing, Jackie. The Fountain, tests you. Mark my words.
[to impostor impersonating Jack]
Jack Sparrow: You’ve stolen me! And I’m here to take me self back.
[after finding out the Angelica is the one impersonating herself as him]
Jack Sparrow: Hello, Angelica.
Angelica: Hello, Jack. Are you impressed? I think I almost killed you, once or twice there.
Jack Sparrow: I’m touched at this most sincerest form of flattery. But why?
Angelica: You were the only pirate I thought I would pass for.
Jack Sparrow: That is not a compliment.
Angelica: Don’t worry, Jack. I forgave you a long time ago.
Jack Sparrow: For what? For leaving you?
Angelica: Recall, that I left you.
Jack Sparrow: A gentlemen allows a lady to maintain her fiction.
Angelica: I hear tale you’ve been to The Fountain.
Jack Sparrow: There have been a lot of hear telling going on these days.
Angelica: The Fountain of Youth.
Jack Sparrow: Dearest Angelica, fret not. You still have a few usable years left.
Angelica: Always so charming. You didn’t answer me.
Angelica: You know, you haven’t changed!
Jack Sparrow: Implying the need?
Angelica: Yes! You betrayed me! You seduced me and you used me. I was innocent to the ways of men.
Jack Sparrow: You demonstrated a lot of technique for someone I supposedly corrupted.
Angelica: I was ready to take my vows! And you! What were you doing in a Spanish convent anyway?
Jack Sparrow: Mistook it for a brothel. Honest mistake.
Jack Sparrow: How can you say I used you?
Angelica: You know exactly how!
Jack Sparrow: I know, but how can you say it?
[referring to Gunner as he shouts at them to work harder]
Jack Sparrow: He’s a curious one.
Scrum: He’s been zombified.
Jack Sparrow: Hey?
Scrum: Zombified. Blackbeard’s doing. All the officers are the same. Makes them more compliant.
[as Gunner snaps his wipe at one of the men on board]
Jack Sparrow: And perpetually ill tempered.
[as they’re working on deck of Blackbeard’s ship]
Jack Sparrow: Five days on the way. At least!
Scrum: Aye. You can tell that by the smell of the sea?
Jack Sparrow: Smell of the crew.
[after finding Angelica serving as first mate on Blackbeard’s ship]
Angelica: There is a prophecy. Maybe you don’t believe in the super natural.
Jack Sparrow: Oh, no! No! I’ve seen a thing or two.
Angelica: The prophecy is this, Blackbeard will meet his death within a fortnight at the hands of a one legged man. That’s why he needs The Fountain, Jack.
Salaman: You’re either with us or against us!
Philip: I am not with you, neither am I against you!
Salaman: Can he do that?
Jack Sparrow: He’s religious. I believe it’s required.
[as he suddenly falls and hangs upside down in front of Blackbeard]
Jack Sparrow: Captain, I wish to report a mutiny. I can name fingers and point names.
Blackbeard: No need, Mr. Sparrow. They are sheep. You, their shepherd.
Jack Sparrow: Have I mentioned, sir, what a lovely daughter you have?
Blackbeard: A fitting last sight for a doomed soul.
[points his gun at Jack]
Angelica: Remember father, we need him.
Blackbeard: If I don’t kill a man every now and then, they forget who I am!
Blackbeard: [to Jack] Your words surround you like fog and make you hard to see.
Blackbeard: That knife will serve you no better than the mutiny you devised.
Jack Sparrow: Mutiny served me well. It gained me an audience with you.
Jack Sparrow: Aye. To warn you. Regarding your first mate, who pretends to be a person she is not.
Blackbeard: Do tell.
Jack Sparrow: She’s not your daughter.
Jack Sparrow: Sir, what she is, is pure evil! More to be feared than a wild beast. A hungry wild beast, with gnashing teeth. Vengeful, hungry, from hell beast!
[suddenly Angelica enters the room]
[turning to Angelica]
Jack Sparrow: Sweetness!
Angelica: No need to hurt him father. He will help us. Won’t you, Jack?
Blackbeard: You see, even now she attends to your welfare, giving lie to the claims you make of her.
[as Jack gives her some wine]
Angelica: Hardly appropriate for a first mate.
Jack Sparrow: Was I the first? I’ve often wondered.
Angelica: You can be so charming when you want something Jack. The trick is finding out what.
[as Angelica shows him Blackbeard’s collection of ships he’s captured]
Angelica: You help me and I promise you your pick. Though I think I know the one you will choose.
Jack Sparrow: The Black Pearl in a bottle? Why is the Black Pearl in a bottle?
Angelica: I need years, Jack. Not for me. For my father. I am truly the daughter of Blackbeard.
Jack Sparrow: You’ve fallen for your own con, love.
Angelica: No. He is my father. The lies I told you were not lies.
Jack Sparrow: You lied to me by telling me the truth?
Jack Sparrow: That’s very good. May I use that?
Angelica: I’m sure you will anyway.
Jack Sparrow: Of course I will.
[as he helps carry the mermaid]
Scrum: Why is it we’ve got to bring her along?
Angelica: Because tears don’t keep. We need them fresh.
Jack Sparrow: What is the ritual again? Water from The Fountain and a mermaid’s tear?
Angelica: And two silver chalices. One cup with a tear, one without.
Jack Sparrow: So one with a tear and water in both? Quite complicated, is it not?
Angelica: Both get the water. One gets a tear. The person who drinks the water with the tear, gets all the years of life from the other.
Jack Sparrow: How many years?
[sees a water snake]
Jack Sparrow: Oh!
[Angelica captures the water snake]
Angelica: All the years that they have lived.
Jack Sparrow: Did everyone see that? Because I will not be doing it again.
Blackbeard: Sparrow will go. Find the ship, retrieve the chalices.
Angelica: Sparrow? What makes you think he will come back?
Jack Sparrow: Yes, what makes you think he will come back?
Barbossa: Push on! You can sleep when you’re dead.
[as he’s standing at the edge of the cliff]
Jack Sparrow: You know that feeling you get sometimes when you’re standing in a high place, sudden urge to jump?
Jack Sparrow: I don’t have it.
[Blackbeard points his gun at Jack’s head]
Blackbeard: I need those chalices.
Jack Sparrow: Shoot! Save me the bother of the fall.
Barbossa: If forty pirates dreamt forty nights of treasure, it would not match the contents of this room.
Jack Sparrow: You!
[drawing his sword]
Jack Sparrow: No! You!
Barbossa: I was here first. You? Why are you here?
Jack Sparrow: Blackbeard sent me. Why are you?
Barbossa: Silver chalices from a royal liege.
Jack Sparrow: Oh, please!
Gibbs: What’s your play, Jack? Throwing in with Barbossa.
Jack Sparrow: There is a girl. A female. Of the opposite sex.
Gibbs: When is there not?
Jack Sparrow: Perhaps I should say, damsel.
Gibbs: You’re rescuing a damsel? Well, there’s a first!
Jack Sparrow: Yes, but it’s just that I may have caused said damsel some manner of harm many moons ago.
Gibbs: Out with it.
Jack Sparrow: Gibbs, this is the woman from Seville.
Gibbs: Ah! You pretended to love her, then you left her and broke her heart.
Jack Sparrow: Worse. I may have had, briefly mind you, stirrings.
Jack Sparrow: Stirrings?
Jack Sparrow: What, like feelings you mean?
Gibbs: No! No! No! Not quite all the way to feelings. More like…
[Gibbs gives him a look]
Jack Sparrow: Alright, feelings. Damn you!
Gibbs: And you left her still. Ooh! That’s low!
Jack Sparrow: Thank you.
Jack Sparrow: Your sword smells funny!
Barbossa: Aye. Poison, from the innards of poisonous toads. Just a scratch and you’re a dead man in minutes.
Jack Sparrow: Would you mind pointing it the other way. I don’t like toads.
Jack Sparrow: What are you doing?
Barbossa: Planning an escape route. Isn’t that how you do it?
Jack Sparrow: Yes. Or sometimes I just improvise.
[as they’ve both been captured and each tied to a tree]
Jack Sparrow: [sarcastically] How’s that escape route working?
Barbossa: Here’s your chance to improvise.
Jack Sparrow: I’m attempting it. I might be able to get a hand loose. Oh! You got a knife. That’s very good.
[taking the drink Barbossa’s offered him]
Jack Sparrow: Here’s to revenge. Sweet and clear.
Jack Sparrow: Come, come, Hector. If you wanted the chalices, you’d seen they were missing and gone. You were lying and waiting for Blackbeard.
Jack Sparrow: King George. Privateer. Wig. Cheap theatrical facade. I’m not buying it.
Barbossa: You weren’t there that night.
Jack Sparrow: When the Pearl was lost?
Barbossa: Taken! Not lost.
Jack Sparrow: So, you’re not after The Fountain?
Barbossa: I care not for King George, or tavern yarns that give hope for a healed limb. Though I’d give my left arm for a chance of Blackbeard.
Jack Sparrow: Not your right?
Barbossa: I need my good arm to drive my poisoned blade through his heart.
Jack Sparrow: I’ll see you get the chance, mate.
[he starts climbing up the tree he’s tied to]
[as they’ve made their escape]
Barbossa: I’m sorry about the chalices, Jack. I have an appointment to keep. I’ll not be going back!
Jack Sparrow: No need.
[he holds up the two chalices]
Jack Sparrow: Shall we have a drink?
Barbossa: We’ll drink at The Fountain!
[to Jack as he draws his sword in front of her]
Angelica: How is it we never meet without you pointing something at me?
Jack Sparrow: Now, before I go just handing them over, I do have one or two conditions.
Blackbeard: Name them.
Jack Sparrow: Firstly, I’ll be having the compass back. No! No! That’s secondly. Firstly, upon your word you will bring no harm to Angelica.
Blackbeard: I’ll make no vows to the likes of you, Sparrow! But it costs me nothing to admit that she was never in harm’s way.
Jack Sparrow: Secondly then, prior to firstly. I will be having me compass back. Please? I do deserve it. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to catch that filthy pig?
[pointing to Gibbs whose holding onto the pig]
Jack Sparrow: Not the big one, the four legged one.
[Angelica throws him his compass]
Jack Sparrow: Thank you. And thirdly, Mr. Beard, there are times, not very often, when I do reflect on my heinous misdeeds. Chief among them, I note how poorly I have treated Mr. Gibbs, my loyal first mate.
Gibbs: Aye, now you bring it up…
Jack Sparrow: Left him to rot in jail, I did. Didn’t care! Still don’t! But point being, you must let him go free.
Blackbeard: Is that it?
Jack Sparrow: I think so. Quick, or the pig runs, and good luck getting those chalices.
[as Jack is trying to lead them to The Fountain of Youth]
Jack Sparrow: Aha! Dead end.
Blackbeard: Dead. End.
Jack Sparrow: Dead end.
Angelica: Jack, I’m starting to think you don’t know where you’re going.
Jack Sparrow: It is not the destination so much as the journey, they say.
Angelica: Jack, have you ever, in fact seen with your own eyes The Fountain of Youth?
Jack Sparrow: I’m sorry. Could you repeat the question, please?
[after Jack as led them to The Fountain of Youth]
Blackbeard: The one legged man!
Angelica: You brought him here?
Jack Sparrow: Would I do that?
[just as about Blackbeard’s men and Barbossa’s men start begin to fight]
Jack Sparrow: Hang on a minute! I just, I just need to understand something.
[going towards Barbossa’s men]
Jack Sparrow: Right! So, You will fight against them, they will fight against you.
[pointing to Barbossa and Blackbeard]
Jack Sparrow: All on account of him wanting to kill him? Where is the sense?
[Scrum shrugs his shoulders]
Jack Sparrow: Exactly! I say, let them fight each other. While we lay back, watch. Have a drink, pay some wages! Hey?
[Barbossa suddenly shouts to his men]
Jack Sparrow: Kill them!
[the men all start attacking each other]
The Spaniard: You are a fool. You seek in this place what only faith can provide.
Blackbeard: Faith? In faith, there is light enough to see, but darkness enough to blind.
[as both Angelica and Barbossa lie dying from the poisoned blade of Barbossa]
Jack Sparrow: Drink this?
Jack Sparrow: This one has the tear.
Jack Sparrow: You must drink the other.
Jack Sparrow: I cannot save you both. One of you must sacrifice.
Angelica: You drink it, father. For your soul.
[Blackbeard goes to grab the chalice with the tear]
Jack Sparrow: Captain Teach, she’s dying! You must save your daughter.
[pointing to the chalices]
Blackbeard: This one takes life? This one has the tear and gives life?
Jack Sparrow: Aye! Hurry!
[he grabs the chalice with the tear and drink it]
[after he’s drunk from the chalice with the tear]
Blackbeard: Angelica, save me, my child.
[Angelica takes the other chalice and drinks it]
Jack Sparrow: No!
Angelica: I love you, father.
[Jack gets up to leave and then stops in his tracks]
Jack Sparrow: Wait a minute! In fact, it might have been the other way around. This cup had the tear. That one had the other bit.
Blackbeard: Trickster! Get him!
[Blackbeard starts dying and Angelica starts healing]
Angelica: [to Jack] You bastard! How could you?!
Jack Sparrow: Your father saved you. Perhaps his soul is now redeemed, hey?
Angelica: I hate you!
Jack Sparrow: The bloke who saved your life?
Angelica: The years I possess, stolen from my own father!
Jack Sparrow: I only helped Blackbeard do what any father should have done.
Angelica: You are cruel and ignorant.
[as he dumps Angelica onto a deserted island]
Jack Sparrow: One pistol. One shot!
[he throws her a gun]
Angelica: To kill myself before I starve!
Jack Sparrow: There’s no trusting you, love. Besides, this is a well-traveled trade route. You can signal a passing ship. Or you can just buy the proverbial bullet, as it were.
Angelica: And how will I get free of these bonds?
Jack Sparrow: You broke free of your bonds half an hour ago, waiting for the precise moment to pounce.
Angelica: Admit it, Jack. You still love me.
Jack Sparrow: If you had a sister and a dog, I’d choose the dog.
Angelica: Treasure! There is a chest with jewels! Jewels with the power to rule the wind and tides!
Jack Sparrow: You’re making that up!
Angelica: Wait! I am with child. Yours.
Jack Sparrow: I don’t recall that we ever had…
Angelica: You were drunk!
Jack Sparrow: I’ve actually never been that drunk.
Angelica: Wait! There is something I want to say to you. Something I wanted to say from the moment we first met.
Jack Sparrow: Go on then.
Angelica: I love you.
Jack Sparrow: As do I. Always have. Always will.
[just as they are about to kiss]
Jack Sparrow: I got to go!
[he turns and leaves her walking to the boat]
Angelica: Jack! This is not over! Jack!
[he gets the boat and as he rows away Angelica fires a shot from the gun he gave her]
Jack Sparrow: Missed!
Jack Sparrow: Gibbs! You filthy, besotted shell back! You made it
Jack Sparrow: And I trust we managed to profit from our joint enterprise?
Gibbs: Feast your eyes.
[points to the miniature Black Pearl ship in the bottle]
Gibbs: The compass led me straight and true.
Gibbs: So the Pearl, any idea how to get her out?
Jack Sparrow: We shall need a crossbow, an hour glass, three goats. One of us must learn to play the trumpet whilst the other one goes like this.
[he waves the fingers of both his hands]
Gibbs: I know a man with a goat.
Jack Sparrow: Good! I can go like this.
[waving his fingers again]
Gibbs: Jack, I have to ask. You had the chalices, the water, the tear, you could have lived maybe forever?
Jack Sparrow: The Fountain does test you Gibbs. But better to not know which moment maybe your last. Every morsel of your entire being alive to the infinite mystery of it all. And who’s to say I won’t live forever, hey? Discoverer of The Fountain of Youth. I have no say in it, Gibbs. It’s a pirate’s life for me. Savvy!