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Home / Best Quotes / On the Rocks Best Movie Quotes – ‘This is my life, and it might be falling apart.’

On the Rocks Best Movie Quotes – ‘This is my life, and it might be falling apart.’

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Starring: Bill Murray, Rashida Jones, Marlon Wayans, Jessica Henwick, Jenny Slate, Barbara Bain

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

Apple TV+ and A24’s comedy drama written and directed by Sofia Coppola. The story follows Laura (Rashida Jones), who thinks she’s happily married, however when her husband, Dean (Marlon Wayans), starts logging late hours at the office with a new co-worker, Laura begins to fear the worst. She turns to the one man she suspects may have insight, her larger than life playboy father, Felix (Bill Murray), who insists they investigate the situation. As the two begin prowling New York at night, careening from uptown parties to downtown hotspots, they discover at the heart of their journey lies their own relationship.

 

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Our Favorite Quotes:

'Marriage is like a bank account. You make deposits for the first twenty or thirty years. And then, after that, you have all this interest built up, and you can start making withdrawals.' - Lady (On the Rocks) Click To Tweet 'We all just want to be loved.' - Felix (On the Rocks) Click To Tweet

 

Best Quotes


 

Felix: And remember, don’t give your heart to any boys. You’re mine. Until you get married. Then you’re still mine.
Young Laura: Um, okay, dad.


 

Laura: Well, last night Dean got back. He was really out of it. He takes Xanax on the plane. And he started kissing me. And then he heard my voice, and it was like I woke him up. He was surprised and stopped. It was almost like he thought I was someone else.
Friend: What? Oh, that’s weird. But he was just out of it.
Laura: Yeah, I guess.


 

Laura: You know, he’s traveling with clients all the time. And I’m just the buzzkill waiting to schedule things. I can’t even write. I should’ve never sold a book before writing it.


 

Laura: What do you think, from a man’s point of view? Am I crazy?
Felix: No. He thought you were someone else.
Laura: What? You think so?
Felix: Absolutely.


 

Laura: You know what? You’re just dark and don’t know anything about a committed relationship.
Felix: Oh, really?
Laura: Yes, really.
Felix: You need to start thinking like a man.
Laura: Thanks, dad. That’s really helpful.


 

Amanda: Is Dean still traveling a lot with that new assistant?
Laura: Account manager. Yeah. Yeah, she seems nice.
Gran: Is she very attractive?
Laura: I don’t know. I mean, yeah. She’s attractive. New York is filled with attractive women though.
Amanda: Well, okay.


 

Laura: I can’t whistle.
Felix: Oh, come on.
Laura: No, seriously. No, I can’t anymore. It’s so weird. Ever since I had kids.
Felix: No kid of mine is going to stop whistling. We’re working on this. Come on.


 

Felix: Nice bracelet.
Laura: Thank you.
Felix: The bangle is a reminder that women were once men’s property.
Laura: I’m sure that’s exactly what Dean was going for.


 

[to the pregnant woman walking out of the building]
Felix: Oh, my gosh. Do you look beautiful.
Laura: Ugh.


 

[as they enter the restaurant]
Felix: You’re about to see Cliff.
Cliff: Hello, Mr. Keane.
Felix: Cliff. How’s your mom’s hip?
Cliff: Good, thanks.
Felix: Good. You tell her to do her exercises, or she may as well have kept the old one, huh?
[as they walk away]
Felix: He thinks you’re my girlfriend.
Laura: Uh-huh.


 

Felix: You know what’s interesting? Back when humans walked on all fours, it was the sight of the female haunches that excited them. So that when we finally stood up on two legs, it was the women with the rounded breasts that mirrored the haunches that were most exciting to the males. So, they made babies with them, and eventually, that shape evolved into what is our modern female.
Laura: Ah. Wow.


 

Felix: And men were attracted to adolescent females because they were easier to catch, therefore ultimately easier to mate. And slowly over time, these qualities, small size, smooth skin, high voice, little or no beard, evolved into the qualities most desired today.
Laura: So they prefer no beard? Good to know.
Felix: Like you.


 

[referring to the waitress Felix complimented]
Laura: Can you ever just act normal around any woman?
Felix: She’s a ballet dancer. They love to be complimented.


 

Felix: Did I tell you I got a new assistant? Few days.
Laura: Oh. That’s good.
Felix: You know what’s great about her? She doesn’t talk. She just listens.
Laura: That sounds perfect for you.


 

Felix: So Dean’s going away a lot, huh? On business trips?
Laura: Dad, not everyone is like you.


 

Laura: There were some of his coworker’s toiletries in his luggage.
Felix: Sloppy move.
Laura: But she couldn’t put them in her carry-on through security, so he offered to put them in his luggage. That’s it.
Felix: Raise your hand if that sounds fishy.
Laura: You know what? I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it.


 

Laura: Dean is not like you. Okay, he’s a nerd. He’s a good guy. A great dad.
Felix: He’s a man. It’s nature. Males are forced to fight to dominate and to impregnate all females.


 

Felix: What does Dean have planned for your birthday?
Laura: He’s not going to be here for my birthday.
Felix: What kind of guy forgets his wife’s birthday?
Laura: He didn’t forget. He has a work trip. But we’re going to celebrate when he gets back.
Felix: That’s not the same.


 

Felix: I traveled. I never missed a birthday.
Laura: Right. But you had some other shortcomings.
Felix: Like what?


 

Felix: Laura, come on. He should be worshiping the ground you walk on. And if he’s not, you need to know. Now, it’s probably nothing, but check his phone.


 

Maya: We’re watching Breaking Bad.
Laura: What?
Maya: It’s really good.
Felix: It’s a great show. Have you seen it?
Laura: Yes, I have seen it. It’s great. It’s not for kids.
Felix: What? Was there something bad on?
Maya: No.


 

[repeating what Felix has been teaching them]
Maya: And that girls should wear their hair long and pretty, how boys like it.
Laura: Or you can wear it short, or however you want to wear it.
Maya: Long and pretty.
Theo: Long and pretty.
Laura: Don’t listen to him, okay? You’re going to grow up, and you’re going to be strong women who get to wear their hair however they like.


 

Laura: Actually, I don’t really feel like celebrating my birthday this year.
Felix: The celebration of the date of one’s birth was originally a pagan tradition. Historically, Christians didn’t celebrate for that very reason. Now, we’re past that, aren’t we? Kids. Do you want a mom who doesn’t want to get taken out for cake and ice cream?
Maya, Theo: Ice cream. Ice cream!


 

Dean: Hey, Felix. You’re back in town.
Felix: I am.
Dean: Yes, you are.
Felix: Been busy?
Dean: Yeah. Got a lot going on.
Felix: Do you?


 

Felix: I’m taking you out. You can’t not celebrate your birthday.
Laura: I don’t have a babysitter.
Felix: Musto. He’s got four kids. They’re all still alive.


 

Felix: I had him followed. Do you know where he came from the other night?
Laura: What? No. Where?
Felix: 52nd and 5th.
Laura: So?
Felix: It’s Cartier. You didn’t get any present from there?
Laura: No.
Felix: At least we know he has taste.


 

Felix: Did you ever check his phone?
Laura: Yes. There weren’t any texts.
Felix: Well, that’s really suspicious. If you’re working with someone, you’re in close contact. Unless he erased them. That bas***d.


 

Felix: When did this acting strange start?
Laura: He’s just been distracted since he started this company and started working with Fiona.
Felix: Is Fiona Miss Toiletries?
Laura: The tall business associate, yeah.


 

Felix: I mean, how he could do this to you? I could strangle him. Here’s the Plaza. This is the place to have an affair. It has the most exits.
Musto: Exits on three streets.


 

Laura: Can any man be monogamous?
Felix: Monogamy and marriage are based on the concept of property.
Musto: I’ve been married for twenty years.
Laura: See?


 

Felix: Women, you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. That doesn’t mean you have to live with them.


 

Felix: I remember the first moment, the moment, when I first recognized you as a person. We were in the country. You were about nine months old, and you were sitting on the ground, and I picked you up, and your diaper was sopping wet with mud and water, and we looked at each other and just started laughing. And there you were. I saw who you were.
Laura: And here we are.


 

Felix: What next? I think we should follow him.
Laura: What?
Felix: Yeah. I think we should keep an eye on him. See what he’s up to.
Laura: No, I can’t do that.
Felix: I think you better see him in action.


 

Felix: I’ll change car. We’ll tail him.
Laura: Can you just act a little less excited about this? Because this is my life, and it might be falling apart.


 

Felix: I’m not worried about you, kiddo. You’ve got brains, beauty, and character, which is the most important thing a person can have. Do you know a woman is at her most beautiful between the ages of thirty-five and thirty-nine?
Laura: Great, so I have many months left.


 

Felix: Women are like flowers. They’re all beautiful, at any age. Even dried flowers. You know. I don’t know why women get plastic surgery.
Laura: Because of men like you.
Felix: I prefer the factory original.
Laura: Yeah, and every other make and model.
[the waiter puts their desert on the table]
Felix: Thank you. I’m going to take that as a compliment.
[referring to the desert spoons]
Felix: Are there two? Ooh. Scared me.

See more On the Rocks Quotes


 

Felix: You know, I think everyone has a right to their own privacy. But if he’s doing something dishonorable, you need to know and find out on your own terms, so you can be prepared for anything. I don’t think there’s anything at all. It may not be anything. We’ll find out on Friday. I’ll pick you up, and we’ll have some fun.
Laura: No!


 

Dean: How’s the thing?
Laura: Writing? Yeah, I don’t know. I’m so used to writing at night. So sitting at my desk during the day, it just feels like creatively stifling.
Dean: You just have to start.
Laura: Yeah.


 

[referring to Felix’s red convertible]
Laura: This is your idea of incognito?
Felix: They’ll never see us coming. We have supplies too. Hop in, cutie. Let’s make a night of it.


 

Laura: Can a man ever be satisfied with one woman?
Felix: Come on. That’s hardwiring. Keeping the species alive. I mean, the woman passes through an emotional filter. Man doesn’t pass through the emotional part. It goes directly from the eyes to the a**.
Laura: And it’s just that simple?


 

Laura: Okay, hardwire. So then how does a woman keep her desirability to a man?
Felix: A woman that knows that she is. A woman that is confident in her effect on you. That’s sexy.


 

Felix: The Corsican wanted me to pull her hair hard. And that just wasn’t me.
Laura: The Corsican?


 

[after Felix makes friends with the cop that pulled them over]
Officer O’Callaghan: Nice to meet you, sir. Good to meet you. And actually, we could just get you on your way. If you could just be a little more careful from now on, please.
Felix: Oh, yeah. No, I was being careful. That’s why I ran the light, because I didn’t want to get stuck in the intersection.


 

[as the cops help push his car]
Laura: It must be very nice to be you.
Felix: [laughs] I wouldn’t have it any other way.


 

Felix: I think I’m going deaf.
Laura: Really?
Felix: I can hear everything fine, except women’s voices.
Laura: You can’t go deaf just to women.
Felix: It’s the pitch.


 

Felix: We’re making some good progress.
Laura: This is pathetic.
Felix: We just need to get some more information.
Laura: Maybe he’s just not interested in me anymore.
Felix: Impossible.


 

Laura: What if what we find out is that Dean’s just busy, and I’m in a rut? That’s it. Oh, God. I regret telling you anything.
Felix: I talked to my man at Bones.
Laura: No, enough with the spy scenarios, okay? Did you really call me in here to show me pictures of my husband eating a sandwich?


 

Lady: Are you Felix’s daughter?
Laura: Yes, I’m Laura.
Lady: You live in the city?
Laura: I do.
Lady: Are you married?
Laura: Yes, I am.
Lady: How is it?
Laura: Honestly, I’m not sure right now.


 

Lady: [to Laura] You know what I think? Marriage is like a bank account. You make deposits for the first twenty or thirty years. And then, after that, you have all this interest built up, and you can start making withdrawals.


 

Felix: I’m dying for that Twombly.
Laura: She looks pretty healthy to me. She might make it to a hundred.
Felix: Alright. Don’t get my blood pressure up, shorty.


 

Felix: [to Laura] Alright, I want to show you something special. But you have to walk backwards so no one knows we’re leaving.


 

[after they go to Mexico to spy on Dean]
Laura: Do you really have to make such a big entrance everywhere you go?
Felix: That was an exit.


 

Felix: Do you know there’s a cult, up in Canada, where women kidnap innocent men, and if they try to escape or resist in any way, the women placate them with sex.
Laura: It sounds like your fantasy.
Felix: It’s not unlike the bonobos. You know who they are.
Laura: The monkeys?
Felix: The only mammals where the females dominate the males.


 

Felix: Why is it that when a woman has an affair, it’s so wonderful that she found someone? But if a man has an affair, he’s banging his secretary?
Laura: Why did you do it?
Felix: When your mom and I were first together, she was so amazing. I mean, she shone all her light on me. But when you guys came along, all that light went to you two. And when someone looked at me again like that, you know, I wanted that glow again.
Laura: You’re such a baby.


 

Felix: We all just want to be loved.
Laura: It’s exhausting.
Felix: Why?
Laura: It’s exhausting to try to love you enough.


 

Laura: After everything you put us through, what it did to mom, and then you didn’t even stay with Holly. Was it worth it?
Felix: It was heartbreaking, for everyone.


 

[as they are trying not get caught trying to find Dean’s hotel room]
Felix: Put your arms around me.
Laura: What? Ew. Gross. Yuck. That is truly a new low.
Felix: Hey, you’re welcome. It was effective. This is wartime.


 

[after Laura gets a call from Dean saying he’s coming home]
Fiona: Were you trying to surprise Dean?
Laura: Sort of, yeah.
Fiona: Oh, that’s so romantic.


 

Fiona: So Dean gave us his room. It’s so nice. The ocean view, and just… Do you want to come in and have a drink?
Felix: One drink.
Laura: That’s very nice. But, no. No.


 

Laura: How could you bring me here?
Felix: Hey. I’m on your side.
Laura: I was such an idiot to let you convince me to come here. You blew your own marriage, and now you’re going to mess up mine? Can you let anybody be happy? You are so selfish.
[as the lights come on]
Felix: You can say it to my face now.
Laura: I will.


 

Laura: [to Felix] I am sick of you taking over everything, making it all about you and what you want, all the time. What you dragged us all through. You pushed mom away. You can’t go deaf to women’s voices. You know that, right? You have daughters and granddaughters, so you better start figuring out how to hear them. You pushed mom away. You want to push us away too?


 

Laura: It’s shocking that as your daughter, I’m capable of having any kind of relationship at all with anybody, with anyone respectful. You weren’t even discreet. You couldn’t even just be discreet out of respect for mom? And me? Do you know what it’s like to have to keep all of your secrets?


 

Laura: Stupid theories. You are not an animal with no self-control. You can control your own behavior. And can you be around a woman without hitting on her? Because it’s starting to get pathetic.
Felix: What happened to you? You used to be fun.


 

[after Laura returns home]
Dean: What are you thinking? What was that? Hmm?
Laura: My dad. You know, one of his crazy ideas. He thought it was a good idea to follow you to Mexico, and if something was going on, I could get ahead of it.
Dean: Why didn’t you just ask me?
Laura: I don’t know. I know I should have. I should have.


 

Laura: I’m just not myself right now. And I can’t write, and I just feel like you’re not that into me.
Dean: Babe.
Laura: And I feel so boring.
Dean: Hey. You are not boring. Okay. Maybe a little bit.


 

Dean: I don’t want to be with anybody else.
Laura: But it seems like you were everywhere else except with me.
Dean: I was working!


 

Dean: I’m just trying to make this company successful. I’m trying to impress you.
Laura: Impress me? You don’t have to impress me.
Dean: I just want to be enough for you.
Laura: You do?
Dean: Enough for them.
Laura: You are.


 

Laura: I’m sorry. I’m so stupid. It was stupid.
Dean: Stupid as hell. I love you.
Laura: I love you. So much.


 

Dean: I can’t believe you went all the way to Mexico.
Laura: Trust me, it was not a vacation.
Dean: You’re such a stalker.


 

[as Laura starts whistling along with Felix]
Felix: You got it. Very nice. You’re great. Well, we got to the bottom of things. Huh? And I may have made a few mistakes.
Laura: Next time, just ask me if you want to spend some time together.


 

[referring to her writing]
Laura: I just don’t really know where to go next.
Dean: Ah, you’ll get through it. At least we know you could write a really good detective story.
Laura: Ha ha.
[they both laugh]
Dean: Or not so good. I can’t believe you.


 

Dean: Here. I got you a little something. It’s the rest of your birthday present. Hope you like it.
[Laura unwraps her present and finds it’s a Cartier watch]
Dean: Sorry, I didn’t realize how long it takes to engrave.
Laura: It’s beautiful.
Dean: Like you. It looks really nice on your wrist. Looks great.
Laura: I love it. Thank you.
Dean: Happy birthday, my love.
Laura: Thank you.
[they kiss and Laura blows out the candle on her cake]


 

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