Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Ned Beatty, Alfred Molina, Bill Nighy, Stephen Root, Harry Dean Stanton, Timothy Olyphant, Ray Winstone, Ian Abercrombie, Gil Birmingham, James Ward Byrkit, Claudia Black, Blake Clark, John Cothran Jr
OUR RATING: ★★★★☆
Animated western comedy by Gore Verbinski. The story follows Rango (Johnny Depp), a chameleon who has lived as a sheltered family pet, finds himself in the grip of an identity crisis. After a car accident, he winds up in an old western town called Dirt. What this town needs the most is water, but they also need a hero and a sheriff. The thirsty Rango instantly takes on the role of both and selfishly agrees to take on the case of their missing water. Though at first Rango only role-plays, a series of thrilling situations and outrageous encounters forces him to become a real hero.
Our Favorite Quotes:‘The path to knowledge is fraught with consequences.’ - Roadkill (Rango) Click To Tweet ‘We all have our journeys to make.’ - Roadkill (Rango) Click To Tweet ‘It doesn't matter what they call you. It's the deeds makes the man.’ - Spirit of the West (Rango) Click To Tweet ‘No man can walk out on his own story.’ - Spirit of the West (Rango) Click To Tweet
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 117)
[first lines; four owls starts playing music and singing one of them starts to narrate]
Senor Flan: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
[breaths in with his eyes closed]
Rango: Hmmm. Hmmmaoh. Muh. Mmmuh! Mmmmuh! Hmmmuh! Congy-creamy-coky-candle- cupcake.
[shakes his face and opens his eyes]
Rango: Okay, everybody! Let’s take it from the top.
Rango: The stage is set. The night moist with apprehension. Alone in her chamber, the princess prepares to take her own life.
[he reveals a naked top of a plastic doll; Rango speaks as the princess in a woman’s voice]
Rango: It is far better to nourish worms than to live without love!
[changes his voice to his own]
Rango: She reaches for the poison chalice. Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots his ascension to the throne.
[Rango laughs wickedly]
Rango: While her aging father lies gravely ill.
[in a voice of frail old man]
Rango: Yes, I’m gravely ill.
[Rango continues with his stage play]
Rango: Hark, who goes there?
[in the voice of a hero with a sword in his hand]
Rango: It is I! The much anticipated hero returning to rescue his emotionally unstable maiden. Unhand her you jailers of virtue or taste the bitter sting of my vengeance!
[he thrusts his sword forward again]
Rango: The sting of my, the…
[Rango stops his acting]
Rango: Doctor Marks? Doctor Marks, I’m not getting anything from you!
Rango: People, we’ve talked about this! Acting is reacting.
[he turns and talks to the palm tree behind him]
Rango: Victor, you were wooden! There, I said it.
[he turns and points to the plastic fish in the water puddle]
Rango: Mister Tims, you were good. Perhaps a little too good! What’s that, Victor?
[turns to face the palm tree again]
Rango: My character’s undefined? That’s absurd! I know who I am. I’m theeee, I’m the guy! The protagonist, the hero! Every story needs a hero! I mean, who else is better qualified to bask in the adulation of his numerous companions!
[thinking to himself]
Rango:[voice over] The stage is waiting. The audience thirsts for adventure. Who am I? I could be anyone!
[speaking in a sea captain’s voice]
Rango: I could be the sea captain returning from a mighty voyage, to reclaim his mechanical arm!
[he starts hitting himself in the head with his arm that he’s pretending is mechanical]
Rango: Or I could be the rogue anthropologist, battling pythons down in the Congo!
[makes his own tail into a snake and starts strangling himself]
[speaking in a fake Spanish accent]
Rango: And if you desire romance, I will become the greatest lover the world has ever known!
[gets a guitar and starts playing]
[notices the naked top of a plastic doll and walks over to it; starts speaking in his fake Spanish accent]
Rango: I couldn’t help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know the women find me uncomfortably good looking. But you seem remarkably at ease.
[he pushes the dolls arm forward so it touches his knee]
Rango: Oh, stop it!
[pushes the dolls arm away but with his other arm pushes the plastic arm back on his knee]
Rango: No, really!
[he pushes the dolls arm away again]
Rango: Well, if you must!
[he brings the dolls arm back on his knee]
Rango: Ha-ha! What are you doing?
[keeps pushing the dolls arm backward and then forward to his knee]
Rango: Oh! That tickles! Are those real?
[he slaps himself with the dolls arm]
[after he’s slapped himself with the doll’s arm]
Rango: Huh! That’s it! Conflict! Victor, you were right! I have been undefined!
[addressing all his pretend friends]
Rango: People, I’ve had an epiphany! The hero cannot exist in a vacuum! What our storyepiphany needs is an ironic, unexpected event, that will propel the hero into conflict.
[just then we see that Rango is a pet kept in a glass aquarium traveling in the back of a car which swerves, the aquarium falls off the car into the middle of the road breaking]
[Rango spots an armadillo lying in the middle of the road]
Roadkill: I need a little help here.
[the armadillo as a large gap in his body where the car wheel has passed through him]
Rango: Uh, are you okay?
Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
Rango: The other side? You mean that, just now that was you crossing the road? That’s why the…
[he starts reenacting the car swerving off the road and him falling out of the car]
Rango: Why’d you do that?
Roadkill: This is my quest. He waits for me.
Roadkill: The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one! They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him.
Rango: What are, what are you talking about?
Roadkill: Enlightenment. We are nothing without it.
Rango: Nothing?! Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex social network going! Highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!
Roadkill: Friends? I don’t see no friends.
Rango: Well, uh, the…
Roadkill: You are a very lonely lizard.
Roadkill: Now, uh, help me up. And I will help you find what you seek.
Rango: Uh, you will?
Roadkill: Quickly now, I must get back to my quest.
Rango: You mean, you’ve done this before?
Roadkill: Oh, yes! Many times.
[Rango walks up on to Roadkill’s body]
Roadkill: That’s it. Pull my finger
Roadkill: The Spirit is waiting for me.
Rango: Okay. Okay.
[Rango grabs hold of Roadkill’s finger and starts pulling, but he fails to move Roadkill]
Rango: Okay! That’s not going to work.
[after Rango has failed to move Roadkill]
Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
Rango: Why don’t you just wait until there are no cars coming?
Roadkill: It’s not so easy as it looks.
Rango: The what?
Roadkill: It’s a metaphor.
[just then a massive truck heads towards them]
[lying in the middle of the road after being run over by the truck]
Roadkill: You need a little help, amigo?
Rango: I think the metaphor broke my spleen!
Roadkill: The path to knowledge is fraught with consequences.
Rango: Yeah, I’m just looking for the path to water.
Roadkill: If you want to find water, you must first find dirt.
Rango: Uh, dirt.
Roadkill: Destiny, she is kind to you. Tomorrow is Wednesday, the water comes. At noon the towns people gather for a mysterious ritual…
Rango: Wow! What uhhh, a town? You mean like with real people and everything? Where?
Roadkill: A days journey. Follow your shadow.
Rango: You want me to just walk out into the desert?
Roadkill: Uh-hum. That’s the way.
Rango: Okay. So you’re saying there’s a town, a real town? Not a metaphor town?
Roadkill: Go on. It’s okay.
Rango: Okay. Well, then I’m going. I am leaving the road now!
[he turns to go]
Rango: I am walking into the desert! Alone!
[he starts walking slowly towards the desert; Roadkill calls out to him]
Roadkill: We all have our journeys to make.
[he turns his face away and says quietly]
Roadkill: I will see you on the other side.
[the four owls starts singing as Rango walks through the desert]
Senor Flan: Here in the Mojave desert, animals have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment. But the lizard, he is going to die.
Rock-Eye: Don’t move.
[Rango looks round to see who’s talking but all he sees is a desert bush]
Rock-Eye: Don’t move!
Rango: I’m not moving!
Rango: [whispering] Not moving!
Rock-Eye: Try to blend in.
Rango: What? Blend in? What do you mean?
[he looks round and walks towards a large looking rock lying on the desert ground]
Rock-Eye: Blend in!
[an open eye suddenly appears on the rock]
Rango: Huh? What are you saying?
[suddenly he hears a hawk fly above them]
Rock-Eye: Too late!
Rango: No! No! It’s not too late! I’m blending!
[panicking he starts to throw dirt on himself]
Rango: I’m a blender! Ah!
[he panics and starts running around]
Rock-Eye: Calm down! What are you doing?
Rock-Eye: Try not to look conspicuous.
[Rango stands very still and puts his hands up so as to resemble a desert cactus]
[as the hawk flies above them Rango quickly curls into a ball and lies next to Rock-Eye]
Rock-Eye: Pssst? What are you doing?
Rango: I’m blending.
Rock-Eye: Well, blend somewhere else.
Rango: Don’t distract me.
Rock-Eye: No room at the inn!
Rango: It’s an art not a science!
[as they hear the hawk above them]
Rock-Eye: Oh! Here she comes! You better run, mojita!
Rango: You what? I thought you said don’t move?
Rock-Eye: That was before! Now, you run!
[Rango gets up, suddenly the eagle flies straight towards him and he starts running]
Rock-Eye: Adios, amigo!
[as the hawk grabs the bottle Rango has placed himself in and flies high]
Rango: Please! Please don’t! Please don’t! Please don’t! I have vertigo! And my glands are swollen!
[as the bottle that Rango’s in hits Rock-Eye in the back as it lands on him]
Rock-Eye: You! I’ll kill you! You stupid little! Get out of there! I’m going to strangle your…
Rango: No! Don’t!
[Rango points to the hawk who’s now flying towards them, Rango starts to roll his bottle forward]
Rock-Eye: No! Please! Hey, I was just kidding! Come on! We’re friends, huh?
Rango: I don’t know you!
Rock-Eye: We’re practically related!
Rock-Eye: Come on, move over! I’ll let you kiss my sister!
[Rango sees the barrel of shotgun being pointed straight at his face]
Beans: Get your slimy, webbed phalanges off my boots!
Rango: Oh! Uh, sorry!
[Rango takes his hands off her boots]
Beans: I got a beat on you, stranger. You get up real slow. Unless you want to spend a big part of your afternoon picking your face back together!
Rango: No, no, ma’am, I don’t.
Beans: Who are you?
Rango: Who am I?
Beans: I’m asking the questions here!
[she points her gun into his face]
Beans: Our town is dried up. We’re in the middle of a drought, now someone’s dumping water in the desert. Now I suppose it’s indeterminable something to mention, but I intend to find out what role you play in all this.
Beans: What are you involved in?
Rango: Oh! Well, I’m glad you asked. I’ve got two one acts, a mystery and a musical I’ve been gestating. I’ve got the words. I’m just kind of working on the melody right now. It’s like a…
[he starts humming the tune]
Rango: I think it’s going to be a western.
[he starts singing]
Beans: You ain’t from round here, are you?
Rango: I’m still working on it.
[she walks away from him towards her carriage]
Rango: Uh, so, what’s your name?
Rango: That’s a funny kind of name.
Beans: What can I say, my daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango: Well, you’re lucky he didn’t plum love asparagus.
Beans: What are you saying?
Rango: I mean, I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I’m not sure that the child, uh, would appreciate the moniker.
Beans: My daddy was a great man. Even if he did exhibit a proclivity for lagoons and he…
[she notices that Rango is eating from one of the jars she had on her carriage]
Rango: Mmmmm. Spicy.
Beans: You are eating his ashes!
[he spits out the remains of what he was eating]
Rango: You carry his remains?
Beans: No! His ashes. He loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango: Oh! Well, I’m sure he had his reasons.
Beans: What are you implying?
Rango: Nothing. I…
Beans: My daddy was never near that mine shaft. He had been sober for over a month. And for you to insinuate that he would abandon his parental responsibilities at a delicate time in my personal development is an upfront to my…
[she suddenly freezes]
[as Beans unfreezes she finds Rango standing close beside her with his hand on her shoulder]
Rango: What are you doing?
Beans: What are you doing?
Rango: What am I doing?
Rango: What do…
Beans: You’re cuddling me.
Rango: You were frozen.
Beans: No, I wasn’t.
Rango: Yes, you were. You stopped talking.
Beans: Well, uh, it’s a defense mechanism. Actually, lots of lizards have it.
Rango: You’re making that up!
Beans: So, you’re going to die out here or you want to a ride into town?
Rango: No! No! No! Uh, yeah! No! Yes, please. Thank you.
[he gets on her carriage and sits beside her]
Beans: Today’s Wednesday. Wednesday’s when we all get to it. So who are you really?
Rango: Well, I’m a man of many epithets. There’s my stage name, my pen name, my avatar. Had a pseudonym once, but had to leave Ushane.
[as Rango and Bean ride off the four owls appear and start playing music]
Senor Flan: And so the stranger seeking companionship finds a woman. Much like the sirens of the ancient times, luring him to his certain demise.
[when Rango arrives in the desert town some rodent kids throw a stone, hitting his head]
Rango: Ahh! What was that for?
Priscilla: You’re funny looking.
Rango: Well, you’re funny looking too!
Priscilla: That’s a funny looking shirt.
Rango: That’s funny looking dress!
Priscilla: You got funny looking eyes.
Rango: You got a funny looking face!
Priscilla: You’re a stranger. Strangers don’t last long here.
[she walks away from him]
[in the town saloon Rango walks up to the bar with everyone looking at him; Rango clears his throat]
Rango: I’d like a glass of water.
[everyone in the saloon laughs]
Jedidiah: He wants a glass of water!
Doc: Make it a double!
Rodent at bar: Make it two!
Buford: Cactus juice. That’s what we got.
[after he’s drunk some cactus juice at the town saloon]
Spoons: Hey there, fruit cup? You’re a long ways from home, ain’t ya? Who exactly are you?
[he looks at himself in the saloon mirror and starts thinking to himself]
Rango: [voice over] Who am I? Could be anyone.
[he looks at the cactus juice bottle he’s holding and the name with the first letter missing spells ‘Rango’]
Spoons: What’s the matter? You missing your mommy’s mango’s?
Rango: As a matter of fact, I am.
[Rango suddenly drops the cactus juice bottle and turn around]
Rango: Not as much as your daddy’s cooking!
Spoons: Uh, exactly where did you say you were from?
Rango: Me? I’m from the West. Out there, beyond the horizon, past the sunset. The far West.
[everyone in the saloon gasps]
Rango: Yeah, that’s right, hombres. The place I come from, we kill a man before breakfast, just to work up an appetite.
[his tongue flips out quickly to catch an insect]
Rango: Then we salt him and we pepper him, then we braise him clarified butter and then we eat him.
Jedidiah: You eat him?
Rango: That’s what I said! Hell, I’ve seen things make a grown man lose control of his glandular function. You spend three days in a horse carcass, living off you own juices. It’ll change a man!
Rango: So no, my hersoot rodent little friend, I am not from around these parts.
[he walks up to the bar]
Rango: You might say I’m from everywhere there’s trouble brewing and hell waiting to be raised. You might say I’m what hell’s already raised up!
[he takes a swig of the cactus juice]
Rango: Name’s Rango!
Merrimack: I don’t have any other choice, Beans. Times being so hard, we just can’t give no more credit.
Beans: But this here is a bank! This is where you keep the water.
Merrimack: Keep the wate…
[he starts laughing]
Merrimack: Beans, you’ve been like a niece to me. Ever since your daddy…
[he stops his next words as Beans gives him a hard look]
Merrimack: …did not fall drunk down a mine shaft. And, uh, I’ve tried to protect you and others from certain realities. Oh, the weight of them realities…
Beans: Mr. Merrimack?
Merrimack: …are bearing down.
Beans: Mr. Merrimack?
Beans: Are you all right?
Merrimack: Please, I need to show you something.
[Merrimack opens the bank vault that holds the town’s water]
Beans: That’s all that’s left?!
Merrimack: And this here is the reserve! Now, I don’t know as if you’ve noticed, but folks just ain’t making deposits on a Wednesday no more.
Beans: Mr. Merrimack, if I don’t get some water I’m going to lose my ranch, and you’re telling me that’s all that’s left in the whole tank! Now, that just don’t make no sense. Now, listen. Someone is dumping water in the desert. I’ve seen it with my own eyes!
[Merrimack laughs in her face]
Merrimack: Water in the desert! Was this during one of your…
[he freezes himself for a moment to imitate what happens to her]
Merrimack: …special times?
Merrimack: Well, we can all dream. But this is the reality. Why do you think so many people are selling out? They just can’t make it.
Beans: Well, I, what am I supposed to do?
Merrimack: Well, I suppose we could talk to the Mayor. I hear he’s been helping people out in this time of crisis.
Beans: The Mayor?
Merrimack: He maybe our only hope.
[Bad Bill enters the saloon with two of his thugs shooting his gun and holding a frightened rooster]
Bad Bill: You got coal in your ears, mate? You don’t pay the mortgage, you don’t own the land!
Bad Bill’s thug #1: That’s basic real estate law, my friend.
Bad Bill’s thug #2:Your broke law!
Bad Bill: If I see your face in this town again I’m going to slice it off.
[he holds his knife to the roosters face]
Bad Bill: And use it to wipe my unmentionables.
Bad Bill’s thug #1: Mind the beak.
[Bad Bill sees Rango standing at the bar]
Bad Bill: What is this?
Spoons: You know who that is, Bill? That there is Rango.
Waffles: Yeah, yeah! He ain’t afraid of you. He ain’t afraid of any of you.
Rodent in saloon #1: Killed them Jenkins brothers.
Delilah: Done it with one bullet, Bill.
Rodent in saloon #2: All seven of them!
[looking at Rango suspiciously]
Bad Bill: Is that right?
[as Bad Bill and Rango are facing each other for a duel]
Rango: All right, listen. I want to give you fellas one last chance to reconsider.
[his gun belt drops down his waste, Rango looks embarrassed as he goes to pick it up]
Rango: And if you don’t want to reconsider, I’m a considerably, considering it myself!
[as a shadow of a hawk flies above them everyone in the town suddenly goes into hiding and Rango watches as Bad Bill runs away]
Rango: Now, that’s what I’m talking about.
[not realizing that there is a giant hawk is behind him]
Rango: Yeah. All right now, listen up! Things are going to be different around here now that Rango’s in town. Got some new rules; I want my shoe shined every morning, my coffee hot, danish on the side. Whatever you do, don’t look me in the eye! Stay out of my peripheral vision!
[still not realizing the hawk is behind him]
Rango: When you see me coming, stand aside. I take large steps and I don’t want none of you hayseeds getting your bodily fluids on my boots!
[he turns around and sees the giant hawk for the first time]
Rango: Of course, there is no need for violence. Long as we stick together, work as a team.
[he slowly walks away from the hawk]
Rango: So I want you all to come on outside, now. Line up single file while I take a recreation!
[he suddenly runs into the outhouse as fast as he can]
[watching Rango as he runs away from the hawk and into the outhouse]
Priscilla: What’s he doing now?
Waffles: I think it’s a number two!
[after the hawk has been killed, the town’s people come out of hiding]
Spoons: Did you see that?
Buford: He killed that thing! What do you, what do you think, Doc?
Doc: This hawk, is dead!
Priscilla: Shoot! I say we cut that right off.
[pointing to the hawk’s foot]
Spoons: He get it with one bullet.
Jedidiah: Just like he said.
Waffles: It’s about time we had a hero around here.
Elgin: One who ain’t in a pine box.
Buford: I think it’s time he met the Mayor.
Spoons: You hear that, Rango? You’re going to meet the Mayor.
Town rodent: Let’s hear it for Rango!
[the four music playing owls appear as the town’s people are cheering Rango’s victory over killing the hawk]
Senor Flan: And so the stranger basks in the adulation of his new friends. Sinking deeper into the guacamole of his own deception.
Lupe: When is he going to die?
Senor Flan: Soon, compadre. Soon.
[as Rango enters his the Mayor’s office]
Mayor: Water, Mr. Rango. Water. Without it, there’s nothing but dust and decay. But with water, there’s life.
[he drops a droplet of water into his aquarium and suddenly the insects surround the droplet]
Mayor: Look at them. So desperate to live, that they’ll follow it anywhere. That’s the immutable law in the desert. You control the water and you control everything.
[he unlocks a drawer from his desk]
Mayor: This is from my private stock.
[he brings out a bottle and starts pouring it into a glass]
Mayor: Vintage rain water, from the great deluge. Oh, not Noah’s deluge. Goodness, I’m not that old!
[Rango does a loud fake laugh]
Rango: I guess power has its privileges.
Mayor: You make a good point, son. So, with privilege comes responsibility.
[Mayor wheels away from his desk and as he does so Rango points to his empty glass]
Mayor: Hell, I was mayor here before there was a dirt. And I maybe just a sentimental old turtle, but I think there’s a future for this town. And I hope you’ll be part of it.
[as the Mayor is talking with his back to Rango, Rango tries to lift the bottle of water from the desk but drops and breaks it, just then the Mayor turns to face Rango]
Mayor: To dirt!
[he raises his glass of water]
Rango: To dirt!
[Rango raises his empty glass]
[watching the people of the town from his balcony]
Mayor: You see them, Mr. Rango? All my friends and neighbors. It’s a hard life here. Very hard. Do you know how they make it through each and every day? They believe. They believe it’s going to be better. The believe that the water will come. They believe against all odds and evidence that tomorrow will be better than today.
[he opens a wooden box which contains Sheriff badges]
Mayor: People have to believe in something. Right now, they believe in you.
[he pushes a Sheriff badge towards Rango]
Mayor: Pick it up, Mr. Rango. You’re destiny awaits.
[Rango picks up the badge and looks at]
Mayor: People have to believe in something.
Rodent Kid: Excuse me, Mr. Rango?
[Rango suddenly turns and draws his gun into the face of the kid]
Rango: I will blow that ugly right off your face!
Rodent Kid: Uh, I was just thinking that, uh…
[he indicates the notebook he’s holding for an autograph]
Rango: Oh! You want the old John Hancock, do you?
Beans: Sheriff Rango?
Rango: Well, here hold this.
[he gives his gun to the rodent kid]
Beans: This isn’t a social call!
[the kid takes the gun turns it towards his face and looks right down the shooting barrel]
Rodent Kid: There’s a bullet in there!
Rango: You know Beans, I bet you clean up real nice if you put a little effort into it.
[to the rodent kid as he’s finished signing his autograph]
Rango: Now, remember son. Stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.
Beans: sheriff? sheriff?
Rodent Kid: Who’s Shakespeare?
Beans: [shouting] sheriff Rango? If that is your real name! I am trying to save my daddy’s ranch, which is on the verge of an agricultural meltdown while you’re playing patty cake with each…
[Beans suddenly freezes]
[referring to Beans freezing in the middle of her talking]
Rango: Why does she do that?
Furgus: It’s a survival reflex.
Doc: Her switch is just broken.
Rango: Well, that’s an inconvenience.
[Beans suddenly unfreezes]
Beans: [shouting] It is not a rash! It is a birth mark!
[realizing that she’d just frozen]
Beans: I did again, didn’t I?
Rango: Did what?
Beans: Let me ask you something. Did anybody here mention what happened to our last Sheriff?
[Rango hears the sound of nail hitting on wood looks round to see a coffin being made]
[Rango gets in line as the towns people have their Wednesday ceremony for water]
Rango: This is heck of a hoedown you got going. Still working out those steps. So, is this considered normal civic behavior?
Priscilla: Mm-hmm. Every Wednesday. Just like clockwork.
Wounded Bird: You kill bird.
Rango: Matter of fact I did.
Wounded Bird: Bird dead. Snake come.
Rango: Is it snake?
Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He never comes to town cause he’s scared of that hawk, but might come now. May I have your boots when you’re dead?
Rango: No! I ain’t got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
Priscilla: That’s just what Amos said.
[camera pans to show a gravestone with the name ‘Sheriff Amos’ written on it]
Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?
[when the town folks find out there’s no water during their Wednesday water ceremony]
Mayor: My friends! My friends! Temper your frustrations. Times will be tough from now on. Sacrifices will have to be made. But if I can help in any way, please know that my door is always…
Beans: Hold it! hold it! Now this whole thing stinks three ways to Sunday! First the banks run dry, and now this here spigot!
Voice in crowd: Bank’s run dry?!
Jedidiah: What she talking about?
Rodent woman in crowd: She said there’s no water in the bank!
[everyone gasps and Beans realizes what she’s just revealed]
[addressing the town folks after seeing the water left in the bank vault]
Rango: All right. Listen up! I’ve been thinking and I believe I figured something out. You folks have a water problem!
[people in the crowd start talking]
Rango: Now, just pay attention everybody! I’m trying to make a point here. Let’s say this fella here were to take a drink of water. Just one little drink. No harm, no foul. Right?
[he pours himself some water from the tank in the vault and drinks it]
Rango: And you!
[he points to the crowd]
Rango: Why you’re just as dried up and parched as a Jack rabbit in July!
[he pours himself more water from the tank and drinks it]
Rango: So you belly on up and take you a double shot!
[he pours himself more water from the tank and drinks it]
Rango: Stay with me!
[he keeps pouring and drinking the water]
Rango: What do you think happens then? Why we’d all be drinking!
[he pours himself more water from the tank]
Rango: And before you know it, there wouldn’t be any more water! And then where would we be?
[everyone in the crowd is silent]
Rango: We’d be thirsty!
[there’s a murmuring from the crowd]
Rango: Real thirsty! Why we’d turn on each other like a bunch of animals!
[continuing his speech to the towns people in front of the water tank in the bank vault]
Rango: Now look here! We have got six days of water.
[he leans against the water tank and the water starts decreasing]
Rango: Fi…fi…we have got, five days, what…
[there’s a murmuring in the crowd]
Rango: As long as we got water, we got ourselves a town.
Mayor: Sheriff Rango is right. As long as we have this water, we have some hope.
Rango: And you can all take it from me. My one hundred percent full time employment from this moment on, will be to protect our precious, natural, resource. ain’t no one going to tango with the Rango!
[as Rango is walking past the saloon Gordy gets thrown out]
Rango: Hold on there Gordy. Now you get on back in there and you assert yourself. And I think you’ll find the people in this here town to be surprising hospitable.
GordyPapa: [drunkenly] Thank you, Sheriff!
he goes back in the saloon, as Rango keeps on walking GordyPapa gets thrown out of the saloon again]
Rango: I stand corrected!
[calling through the tunnel Ezekiel and Jedidiah have dug up coming into the town]
Balthazar: Ezekiel! Jedidiah! What the Sam hill’s going on up there?
[his stick hits Jedidiah hard on head]
Balthazar: I’ve had colobs removed smarter than the two of you!
[he comes through the tunnel and takes a few sniffs]
Balthazar: Hells bar! This ain’t the bank!
Ezekiel: Balthazar, the Sheriff is standing right here! Helping us out.
Jedidiah: going to give us a permit for prospecting.
Rango: That’s right, sir. Just doing my duty. The lonely constable on his rounds, keeping and eagle eye out for mayhem and malfeasance.
[Balthazar turns to Jedidiah; referring to Rango]
Balthazar: Does he look like he sounds?
Balthazar: Well, Sheriff. If we as to hit the mother lode, being prospectors and such, where would we deposit said annuity?
Rango: Well, here in the town of Dirt we happen to have the finest financial institution this side of Missouri.
[points out the location of bank to them]
Rango: Protected morning, noon and night by yours truly.
[Rango gives Balthazar a prospecting permit]
Balthazar: Much obliged.
Total Quotes: 117