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Starring: Kaitlyn Dever, Isabela Merced, Kyle Allen, Bradley Whitford, Minnie Driver, Spencer Stevenson, Sean Teale
OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆
Hulu/Disney+ romantic comedy directed by Karen Maine. Rosaline (2022) is a comedic twist on Shakespeare’s classic love story “Romeo and Juliet”, told from the perspective of Juliet’s cousin, Rosaline (Kaitlyn Dever), a sharp but idealistic young woman, who just happens to be Romeo’s (Kyle Allen) recent love interest. Heartbroken when Romeo meets Juliet (Isabela Merced) and begins to pursue her, Rosaline schemes to foil the famous romance and win back her guy.
Our Favorite Quotes:'You know, centuries from now, when everyone's telling this story, you think you and I will even be mentioned?' - Rosaline, 'Honestly, I couldn't care less.' - Dario (Rosaline) Click To Tweet
Romeo: [after he kisses her] To gaze upon you is like drinking from the purest fountain. The fairest stars in heaven do entreat your eyes.
Rosaline: Oh, Romeo.
Romeo: Forswear it, sight! I never saw true beauty until this night.
Romeo: Yes, my love?
Rosaline: Why are you talking like that?
Romeo: Oh. I felt like it sounded romantic.
Romeo: Don’t you like it?
Rosaline: Yeah, actually, it’s kind of nice.
Romeo: They will be saying our names for centuries.
Rosaline: Oh, what will they say?
Romeo: They will say, “Never were two hearts more destined to entwine than those of the lovers…”
Rosaline: Yes. Yes.
Romeo: “Romeo and…”
Adrian Capulet: Rosaline?
Adrian Capulet: I thought I heard voices.
Rosaline: Oh. I was in the commode.
Adrian Capulet: Talking to yourself?
Rosaline: It helps.
Adrian Capulet: Huh. I have the opposite problem.
Rosaline: You’re a Montague. I’m a Capulet. Our families have been enemies for generations.
Romeo: Rosaline, we will make this work, I promise. One day, we will be together forever.
Rosaline: Romeo and Rosaline. Does have a nice ring to it.
Paris: You want to marry for love.
Rosaline: Is there any other reason?
Paris: Money, status, land, nicer living quarters. No. No other reason.
Rosaline: We get one life, Paris. I want mine to be different. I want romance, passion, adventure.
Paris: And this mystery boy, he gives you that?
Paris: I just wonder if all this sneaking around is adding to the attraction.
Tybalt: How about I welcome my fist to your face?
Romeo: I don’t know what that means.
Tybalt: It means I’m going to punch you!
Rosaline: [as the Montagues and Capulets are about to fight] Okay. Alright. Alright. You all have big swords. How about we put them back in our pants now, yeah?
Paris: [to Rosaline, referring to Romeo] Girl, that is one tasty Montague.
Romeo: [referring to spending their life together] I could write poetry all day.
Rosaline: Oh, you’ll be such a gifted poet.
Romeo: You could keep the house and watch the children.
Rosaline: Yes. Wait. What? Sorry. While you’re off writing verse, I’m home changing diapers?
Rosaline: [referring to Romeo declaring his love for her] I’ve been waiting for him to say those words. And then he finally does, and I just freeze, like an idiot. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Nurse.
Nurse Janet: There’s nothing wrong with you, chicken. They’re not easy words to say. You know, unless you mean them.
Rosaline: Of course I mean them.
Rosaline: [as Dario overhears her, referring to meeting him] I’d rather eat rotten goat innards! I’d rather bathe in the filth of ten thousand mules.
Adrian Capulet: Just give him a chance.
'They just met. They barely know each other. So what? That's not how love works. It isn't rational.' - Dario (Rosaline) Click To Tweet
Rosaline: How many times do I have to tell you, Father? I don’t want an arranged marriage. I want to travel the world, be free, have adventures, and with someone that I actually love.
Adrian Capulet: You’re a woman. You’re not supposed to talk about what you want.
Dario: So, how do you like living in Ver…
Rosaline: Let me stop you right there, soldier boy.
Dario: Soldier boy?
Rosaline: Now, granted, you are a big step up from the toothless octogenarians my father usually tries to pawn me off on, but the fact remains, I have literally no interest in you, or in this whole arranged marriage business.
Dario: If I was you, I’d take the deal.
Rosaline: Would you now?
Dario: Yeah. I have some land, some prospects. I have all my teeth. Could do a lot worse.
Rosaline: Well, you’re not really my type.
Dario: You’re not exactly my type either.
Rosaline: And what is your type, Suede City?
Dario: Oh, my type is not a shrew.
Rosaline: Blow me.
Rosaline: I’m afraid of the fish.
Dario: All of them?
Rosaline: Yeah. It’s a real thing. Ichthyophobia. Look it up.
Dario: All fish?
Rosaline: This has literally been the worst night of my life.
Dario: The feeling’s more than mutual.
Rosaline: Thanks for nothing.
Dario: Yeah, right there with you.
Rosaline: Actually, the pancetta wasn’t terrible. So thank you for that. But only for that.
Dario: Well, you’re welcome for that. But only for that.
Rosaline: Have a nice life!
Rosaline: [referring to Romeo] Do you think he’s tired of me?
Nurse Janet: I’m sure that’s not it.
Rosaline: Then why haven’t I heard from him?
Nurse Janet: Well, there is a lot of plague going around.
Rosaline: You think he has the plague?
Nurse Janet: He did look a bit boily. But it’s probably just hormones.
Romeo: The fairest stars in heaven do entreat your eyes.
Rosaline: [as she’s watching Romeo and Juliet on the balcony] The fairest stars.
Romeo: Forswear it, sight. I never saw true beauty until this night.
Rosaline: [sees Romeo and Juliet kissing] Son of a…
Rosaline: I can’t ride the horse.
Nurse Janet: Why not?
Rosaline: I have cholera.
Nurse Janet: You do not have cholera.
Rosaline: How do you know?
Nurse Janet: Because I am a registered nurse.
Rosaline: I’ll never love again.
Nurse Janet: I think you’re being rather dramatic, Rosaline.
Rosaline: Nurse, you don’t understand. They were kissing, and touching, and being all gross. And he was saying things to her that he just said to me three days ago. Three days.
Nurse Janet: Yes.
Rosaline: Three, Nurse.
Nurse Janet: Yes.
Rosaline: If you really hate the Montagues so much, you could just move. I hear Siena is very nice.
Lord Capulet: You let your daughter speak at the dinner table?
Rosaline: I’m sorry. I thought this was my house.
'There's just something about you that makes me do stupid things.' - Dario (Rosaline) Click To Tweet
Juliet: [to Rosaline] God, I can’t wait to be old like you.
Juliet: Can I tell you a secret? But you can’t tell anyone.
Rosaline: I’m listening.
Juliet: I’m in love. I met a boy. And he is just the most wonderful boy in the whole world.
Rosaline: I see. Where was it that you met this wonder boy?
Juliet: Oh, the other night at the masquerade ball. And already, I can’t imagine my life without him.
Juliet: He says things to me. Beautiful, romantic things. You’ve never heard such poetry.
Rosaline: Let me guess. He compares you to the moon and the sun. “The fairest stars in heaven do entreat your eyes.”
Juliet: How do you…
Rosaline: It’s Romeo Montague isn’t it? Yeah. Everybody knows Romeo Montague. I’m afraid you’re not the first young maiden he’s charmed with his high cheekbones and fancy words.
Juliet: I’m such a fool.
Rosaline: Yeah. You kind of are.
Rosaline: Juliet, you’re not even of marrying age. Why settle down with just one man when you can, you know, live a little, play the field, sample at the buffet of life?
Juliet: How do I do that?
Rosaline: Well, I could show you, if you want.
Juliet: You would do that for me?
Rosaline: What are cousins for?
Rosaline: [as she enters the tavern with Juliet] Now, who wants to buy us some drinks?
'Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is an open door. Love is all you need. Love is like knowing how to fly, how to breathe. When you're apart, you can feel it in your stomach. You can taste it.' - Dario (Rosaline) Click To Tweet
Rosaline: [as she’s trying to show Juliet how to flirt] No. That is just so funny, because I love sports.
Jouster: Oh really?
Rosaline: Yeah. Jousting, fencing, grappling.
Jouster: Oh, my God! I am a jouster!
Rosaline: What? No way.
Jouster: Please let me buy you another drink.
Rosaline: [referring to flirting] Okay. Now you try!
Juliet: I don’t know. These men are so…
Juliet: Stupid! Why on earth would I want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that?
Rosaline: Ew. Juliet, you’re not here to find someone to spend your life with. You’re here to just enjoy yourself at their expense, and then never see them ever again. Okay? Now, get out there and have some fun.