Our list of the best quotes from Disney+ MCU action adventure TV series She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, which centers on Jennifer Walters (Tatiana Maslany), cousin of Bruce Banner/Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) who’s life becomes complicated as a single attorney in her 30s after she acquires Hulk-like qualities.
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1. A Normal Amount of Rage'When people start seeing you as a monster, that never goes away.' - Bruce Banner (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: What is the responsibility of those with power? Do they merely have an obligation to refrain from the misuse of that power? Or do they have a duty to protect those without it?
'Those with the most power have the most to answer for.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: It’s true. I am a Hulk. And I’m guessing you won’t be able to focus on this fun lawyer show until you know all about that. So, let me get you up to speed. A few months ago, I went on a road trip with my cousin Bruce.
Jennifer Walters: That was the longest answer to “what have you been up to” I’ve ever heard.
Bruce Banner: Well, you asked me, so I answered.
'The triggers are anger and fear.' - Bruce Banner 'Those are like the baseline of any woman just existing.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Bruce Banner: What’s up with this? Cheetos and chopsticks?
Jennifer Walters: Yes. So you don’t get Cheetos fingers.
Bruce Banner: My God. That’s really smart.
Jennifer Walters: You’re not the only genius in the family.
Bruce Banner: No, there’s also Ched.
'Let your thoughts drift away. Relax your neck. Bend your knees if that's comfortable. Hold in your farts. Namaste, all day.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: My theory. Steve Rogers did not have a girlfriend before he went into the service.
Bruce Banner: Says who?
Jennifer Walters: The History Channel.
Jennifer Walters: So, he becomes Captain America. And from that moment on, a symbol of America. He is rushed to the front lines. He becomes a war hero. Then he is frozen in ice. So, based on everything you’ve told me, after he gets unfrozen, he goes from world-threatening disaster to world-threatening disaster. That’s when he’s not a fugitive from the law, right? So it seems like he was pretty, pretty busy.
Bruce Banner: All you’re doing is repeating everything that I’ve already told you about my friend and colleague.
Jennifer Walters: Obviously, Captain America was a virgin.
Bruce Banner: [after their car accident] The inhibitor. Jen, get away from me. I’m bleeding. Get away.
Bathroom Girl #1: [when they see Jennifer in a disheveled state] Okay, no judgments, but whoever did this to you, does not care about you.
Bathroom Girl #2: You do not need him. Or her. Or them.
Jennifer Walters: You’re Hulk again.
Bruce Banner: Smart Hulk.
Jennifer Walters: Wow.
Bruce Banner: Yeah. I didn’t come up with it. You never have a choice with these names.
Bruce Banner: You know, weird stuff just kind of finds you when you’re a Hulk. But first, we got to deal with you.
Jennifer Walters: Me? What happened to me? I changed.
Bruce Banner: My blood got into your system, and after the wreck, and you got a lethal dose of gamma radiation.
Jennifer Walters: Lethal? As in I’m going to die?
Bruce Banner: No. There is more to it that I’m going to explain.
Jennifer Walters: That is not the sentence to take a pause on, Bruce!
Bruce Banner: You and I, we share a rare combination of genetic factors that allow us to synthesize gamma radiation into something else.
Jennifer Walters: So I turn into a Hulk now too.
Bruce Banner: I’ve been analyzing your blood. And the way it synthesized gamma, I was able to use it to completely heal my arm.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Because I’m better than you?
Bruce Banner: It’s basically different.
Jennifer Walters: In a better way.
Jennifer Walters: Smug Hulk.
Bruce Banner: Smart Hulk.
Jennifer Walters: Well, it’s pretty smug to call yourself smart.
Bruce Banner: I didn’t come up with it.
Jennifer Walters: You use it. Implied endorsement.
Bruce Banner: Don’t lawyer me.
Jennifer Walters: You’ve analyzed everything. Now fix me. Get me back to normal.
Bruce Banner: Jen, this is not going away.
Jennifer Walters: What do you mean?
Bruce Banner: Jen, I have been struggling with this for years. The best that I could do was merge my two halves. Give it time in the lab, we could possibly do the same for you.
Jennifer Walters: No. No. I don’t want to be a Hulk. God. I just got my own office. I have business cards.
Bruce Banner: Jen, this is it. There is no going back to what you were before.
Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] This is a multi-year journey you’re about to embark on, on coming to terms with being the Hulk. I traced all of my steps through my evolution. I never thought that it would end up being a syllabus, but here we are. Now, with my help, hopefully, your progress will go a little bit faster than mine.
Jennifer Walters: You said “multi-year”?
Bruce Banner: About fifteen years, give or take.
Jennifer Walters: Fifteen years?
Bruce Banner: These transformations are triggered by distressed emotional states, so we need to know the exact threshold that causes it for you.
Jennifer Walters: Ooh! Put on a Pixar movie. When Bing Bong jumps out of the wagon in Inside Out.
Bruce Banner: No! Oh, Bing Bong. No. Stop. I need to focus.
Bruce Banner: The triggers are anger and fear.
Jennifer Walters: Those are like the baseline of any woman just existing.
Jennifer Walters: It kind of feels like if I don’t transform, I’m going to die. Do you have a plan B for that?
Bruce Banner: No.
Jennifer Walters: No? Ha-ha. Not funny, Bruce. What, you’re just going to kill me?
Jennifer Walters: [to Bruce] What do you normally use this chamber for, you psychopath?
Bruce Banner: [as Jeniffer transforms into She-Hulk] Easy, girl. Easy. Easy.
Jennifer Walters: Why are you talking to me like I’m a stray horse?
Bruce Banner: This is incredible. You don’t have an alter ego. You’re the only one in there?
Jennifer Walters: As far as I can tell.
Bruce Banner: This is huge, Jen. I think I’m jealous. Is that what I’m feeling? You don’t have another guy to wrestle with for ten years.
Bruce Banner: You still can’t control when you transform.
Jennifer Walters: Okay, so how do I turn back into Jen? How did you do it?
Bruce Banner: Usually, I fall out of a jet, or I get knocked out by a robot, and I’d wake up as Banner. Or Natasha, for a little while, would tell me a lullaby.
Jennifer Walters: Walk me through how that worked, again.
Bruce Banner: I don’t have a great explanation for it.
Bruce Banner: One time, I was stuck as the other guy for over two years. That was in outer space.
Jennifer Walters: No, I can’t stay like this for two years.
Bruce Banner: I said “one time”.
Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] You have so much more to learn about being a Hulk. I don’t think you have thought through how dangerous this level of power is. Do you know the damage you can cause? I mean, one mistake, one freak-out is literally life or death.
Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] You can’t be emotional. Forget Hulk rage. Just regular anger means death and destruction for everything and everyone around you. And I’m telling you, when people start seeing you as a monster, that never goes away.
Jennifer Walters: Let your thoughts drift away. Relax your neck. Bend your knees if that’s comfortable. Hold in your farts. Namaste, all day.
Bruce Banner: It’s more about presence. About accepting the situation you’re in.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, I thought it was about getting my butt tight as hell. Up top.
Bruce Banner: Gross, Jen. I’m your cousin.
Jennifer Walters: [waking and transforms into She-Hulk after hearing air horn sound] Woh, Jesus! What the hell, man?
Bruce Banner: Still in control? No overwhelming feelings of rage?
Jennifer Walters: No! A normal amount of rage!
Bruce Banner: You do revert back to Jen-form when you sleep.
Jennifer Walters: Was the air horn really necessary?
Bruce Banner: For comedy, absolutely.
Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] So, you’re going to need to reinforce all your furniture. Don’t even think about moving to a place with less than ten-foot ceilings. Trust me.
Bruce Banner: Who’s your best friend?
Jennifer Walters: Nikki.
Bruce Banner: Spandex. Spandex is your best friend.
Bruce Banner: [after he tosses a boulder] Just trying to show you how it’s done.
Jennifer Walters: Well, I’m shown.
Bruce Banner: Being a Hulk asks for balance.
Bruce Banner: [pushes her off the edge of the cliff] Little punk!
Jennifer Walters: D**k move.
Bruce Banner: Completely.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to her Hulk training] So I’m clearly nailing it at all of these things. When am I ever going to use this as a lawyer?
Bruce Banner: Jen, when you have powers like this, it’s like putting a target on your back and the backs of all the people you care about.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Cool. Yet another way my life is ruined. Thanks, Bruce.
Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer] Our bodies metabolize alcohol at an incredibly fast rate. Which means that we can drink so much and not get drunk. All buzz, no barf.
Bruce Banner: [referring to when he and Tony built the bar] It was a good time during a hard time.
Jennifer Walters: Bruce, you failed to mention that I’d still have to deal with a Hulk-sized hangover.
Bruce Banner: Ah, I’ll have to put it in the binder.
Bruce Banner: I know I’ve been pushing you through a lot, but being a superhero is a trial by fire.
Jennifer Walters: Bruce, I’m not going to be a superhero.
Bruce Banner: What else you going to do as a Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: Return to my career that I have spent years building, use my law degree that I’m still paying off a fortune in student loans for.
Bruce Banner: It’s not one or the other, Jen. I am trying to show you that we can live between what we want and what is. But we can’t pretend like we aren’t two of the few people on Earth that can actually protect her. Which is why we have to make sure of your ability to tolerate the stress, and regulate your emotions, especially your anger.
Jennifer Walters: Here’s the thing, Bruce. I’m great at controlling my anger. I do it all the time. When I’m catcalled in the street. When incompetent men explain my own area of expertise to me. I do it pretty much every day, because if I don’t, I will get called emotional, or difficult, or I might just literally get murdered. So I’m an expert at controlling my anger, because I do it infinitely more than you. So all of this just feels like projecting a lot of s**t onto me.
Jennifer Walters: I guess I’ve outgrown your binder, cuz. Love you, Bruce, but I’m going home.
Bruce Banner: I know you didn’t ask for this, but whether you like it or not, you’re now a superhero. And who’s going to protect the world if it isn’t people like us?
Jennifer Walters: Are you quoting a comic right now?
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry. The idea of being a superhero is not appealing to me. I’m not you. And I’m not going to become you. I don’t need to join some secret government contractor squad and have my entire life taken away from me.
Bruce Banner: My life wasn’t taken away.
Jennifer Walters: Really? Oh, so you didn’t wind up alone, hiding away on some remote beach with no friends, no relationships, never seeing your family, and definitely not dealing with a decade’s worth of trauma? Why would you want that for me, Bruce? You’re a cautionary tale.
Bruce Banner: I spent a lifetime running from this aspect of myself. Denying half of your being is no way to live, trust me.
Bruce Banner: What, you think you can just say a bunch of mean things like that, and then take off?!
Jennifer Walters: Yes!
Bruce Banner: See, Jen, you’re doing the best you can, and you can do better.
Jennifer Walters: Enough dialectical behavioral bulls**t!
Bruce Banner: For the record, I really didn’t want to do this. Okay, I wanted to do it a little. Why wouldn’t you listen to someone who’s been through all of this before?!
Jennifer Walters: Because we’re different people!
Bruce Banner: Lunkhead!
Jennifer Walters: Dummy!
Bruce Banner: [after they’ve fought it out] So, if you want to go back to your life as a lawyer, I respect that.
Jennifer Walters: Thanks.
Jennifer Walters: [breaking the fourth wall] He doesn’t mean that.
Jennifer Walters: And I’m sorry that I said a bunch of harsh but very true things.
Bruce Banner: Wow, an apology that still doubles down on a thing you’re apologizing for. That’s very lawyerly.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, I’m a much better lawyer than I am a Hulk.
Bruce Banner: Now who’s smug?
Jennifer Walters: So that’s how it all happened. And no crazy Hulk stuff since. So, now my family knows, and Nikki knows, and you know. Basically, I was right, and Bruce was wrong, and I never have to be a Hulk.
Nikki Ramos: [after Titania breaks into the law building] You need to do your thing.
Jennifer Walters: Right now, in front of everybody?
Nikki Ramos: Yes. Yes. Come on. Civic duty. Jen, come on.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, God. I really like this outfit.
Titania: [as Jennifer transforms into She-Hulk] Who the hell are you?
Jennifer Walters: Jennifer Walters, attorney at law.
Jennifer Walters: [after transforming back into herself] I’m ready to give my closing argument now.
Jennifer Walters: [mid-credits lines, drinking with Bruce at his bar] It’s just so sad. Steve Rogers did so much for his country and he never got to experience sex. Did you see that a**? Like that a** did not deserve to die a virgin. It’s like so sad.
Bruce Banner: Steve Rogers is not a virgin. He lost his virginity to a girl in 1943 on the USO tour.
Jennifer Walters: Yes. I knew it.
Bruce Banner: You’re not drunk?
Jennifer Walters: Captain America fu…!
2. Superhuman Law'I did not go to law school and rack up six figures in student loans to become a vigilante. That is for billionaires and narcissists. And adult orphans, for some reason.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Local News Reporter: Can you tell us about what you saw today?
Eyewitness: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this chick, pretty decent, turned into a Hulk, like a chick-Hulk.
Local News Reporter: A She-Hulk?
Nikki Ramos: [referring to the chanting in the bar] That’s for you.
Jennifer Walters: No. No. That’s for somebody called She-Hulk, which can’t be what they’re calling me.
Nikki Ramos: Lady-Hulk. Girl-Hulk. She-Hulk. Come on, just give them what they want.
'I can't even exist without being a derivative of the Hulk.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: That name better not stick. It’s so dumb. I can’t even exist without being a derivative of the Hulk.
Nikki Ramos: That’s a pretty dumb name too.
Dennis Bukowski: Seriously, how did you get powers?
Jennifer Walters: I really don’t feel like talking about it.
Dennis Bukowski: Nepotism. I knew it.
'I just want to move on with my life, live in peace on a large piece of property purchased for me by my seven soul mates.' - Emil Blonsky (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Nikki Ramos: Some guy gave me both of these drinks for free because you’re a superhero.
Jennifer Walters: Ugh! I’m not. No, I did not go to law school and rack up six figures in student loans to become a vigilante. That is for billionaires and narcissists. And adult orphans, for some reason.
Nikki Ramos: You could be an Avenger.
Jennifer Walters: Do the Avengers offer healthcare? Maternity leave. A pension. Are they even paid?
Nikki Ramos: Here’s the thing though. Hulk Jen is a total snack. Right?
Bruce Banner: [voice message] Hey, Fuzzball, just checking in on you. I’m here if you want to talk a little bit more. No gloating this time, I promise. Maybe a little.
Morris Walters: Jen, you don’t have to worry about getting fired. I already told everyone, so it won’t be awkward. No one is going to bring it up.
Jennifer Walters: Hi, everybody.
Cousin Ched: You got fired.
Morris Walters: Ched!
Cousin Ched: You said to bring it up.
Morris Walters: I said don’t bring it up! Why would I tell you to bring it up?
Morris Walters: Jen, that Hawkeye guy, what happens to those arrows of his? I mean, does he go around and collect them when he’s done?
Morris Walters: So back to Hawkeye. It’s pretty hazardous to leave those things lying around.
Jennifer Walters: I’m not okay. But I’m okay with not being okay. Because it just sucks. You know, like I thought I could keep this at bay, for I don’t know how long. Eternity?
Jennifer Walters: Now I feel like I’m being punished for doing the right thing. Like I get fired for saving people, and now I can’t get another job because of it.
Morris Walters: You didn’t tell me.
Jennifer Walters: What were those years of law school even for? Maybe I should’ve just let those people get smooshed by that desk.
Morris Walters: [to Jennifer] This isn’t even the first time we’ve had to deal with a Hulk in the family. And you didn’t destroy a city.
Morris Walters: [to Jennifer] The thing that you were dreading happened. But look, you’re still standing. And now you get to keep moving on.
Holden Holliway: So, I would like you to come work for us.
Jennifer Walters: You got me fired, and now you want to hire me?
Holden Holliway: More and more eccentric superhumans are coming out of the woodwork. We just started a Superhuman Law Division, and I want you, well, the She-Hulk, to be the face of it. That means I’ll expect you to be at work, and in court, as the She-Hulk. Not as a normal person.
Jennifer Walters: Right now?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, my God. Is this why they hired me? Okay, this sucks. I am totally qualified, but now everyone around here is always going to think this is the only reason that I got the job. It’s so unfair. I should be able to enjoy the fact that I got an amazing new job, and I can’t. These dodos never had to deal with this on their first day at work.
Nikki Ramos: Why are you in Hulk form? That is a look.
Jennifer Walters: I just found out, the only reason they hired me is because they wanted a Hulk lawyer in the Superhuman Law Division.
Nikki Ramos: Yes, but look at everything it’s getting us. Are you kidding? Big-a** windows, yes. A fully stocked mini fridge. And a desk. I mean, this is normal. But this is a very fancy desk.
Jennifer Walters: I’m going to have to buy an entirely new wardrobe just to come to work.
Pug: [to Jennifer and Nikki] I made you guys a welcome basket. It’s got some office supplies to get you started. Snacks. And a map to the best bathroom for pooping.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Blonsky] I’m sorry, but I can’t represent him, sir. I have a serious conflict of interest. This man tried to kill my cousin Bruce.
Holden Holliway: Yeah, that’s quite alright.
Supermax Guard: [as Jeniffer is going to visit Blonsky in prison] In the event of injury or death, please indicate who we should notify.
Jennifer Walters: It’s that bad, huh?
Supermax Guard: Never let your guard down. The prisoner is a very dangerous man.
Jennifer Walters: Is he going to serve me up with some fava beans and then a nice chian…
Supermax Guard: Ma’am, this is a prison.
Jennifer Walters: Of course.
Emil Blonsky: Jennifer Walters. Well, first off, namaste.
Emil Blonsky: I’m simply Emil now. Russian born, British raised, Royal Marines commando, on loan to the US government.
Jennifer Walters: Okay.
Emil Blonsky: With seven soul mates that I met through the prison pen pal program that I want to start a new life with.
Emil Blonsky: So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? Your cousin. The Hulk.
Jennifer Walters: My cousin, Bruce.
Emil Blonsky: Semantics. He was the Hulk, wasn’t he? You know, I tried to kill him. You know, so let’s get that out of the way. It wasn’t personal or anything, so.
Emil Blonsky: You know, I was sent on a mission to take out a threat, and I thought I was the good guy, you know? I thought I was going to be, you know, Captain bloody America, or something, you know? And now, that very threat, your cousin, is held up as some kind of hero, and I’m locked up in here. Where’s the justice in that, Jen?
Emil Blonsky: Look, I just want to move on with my life, live in peace on a large piece of property purchased for me by my seven soul mates.
Bruce Banner: [to Jennifer, over phone] Actually, Blonsky wrote me a really nice letter a while back, and a really heartfelt haiku. So we put everything behind us. That fight was so many years ago, I’m a completely different person now. Literally.
Bruce Banner: [over phone] What did they end up naming you, anyway?
Jennifer Walters: She-Hulk. Don’t even.
Bruce Banner: No, I love that. That’s got a nice ring to it. She-Hulk, Attorney at Law.
Reporter: [as Jennifer watches the news] So far there have been no statements made by Emil Blonsky’s attorney after shocking footage leaked showing the Abomination participating in what appears to be an underground fight club after having somehow escaped from prison.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. That sucks.
Jennifer Walters: [mid-credits lines, carrying the water in She-Hulk form] I’m glad you’re staying hydrated, Dad, but this is a bit excessive.
3. The People vs. Emil Blonsky'You have to be in control of your own narrative.' - Nikki Ramos (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: Do you want to explain to me why you failed to mention that you not only escaped from prison, but you were also recorded doing so? You said to my face that you never turn into the Abomination anymore.
Emil Blonsky: No. I said I choose not to. You know, these were extenuating circumstances.
Emil Blonsky: I was forced to leave my cell, but I returned of my own free will.
Jennifer Walters: Who forced you to escape this insanely high-security prison undetected?
Emil Blonsky: A Sorcerer Supreme of the Mystic Arts, and his name is…
Nikki Ramos: [over phone] Wong. Just Wong. And his Internet presence is a little chaotic. He’s either a sorcerer who lives in New York, or a librarian who lives in Nepal.
Jennifer Walters: Can you get to him?
Nikki Ramos: Yes, Jen. It’s me. Of course I can get to him. I sent a thirst trap. It was a picture of me with a bunch of books.
Jennifer Walters: I know you can’t wait to see Wong. I get it. I just want to make sure that you don’t think this is one of those cameo every week type of shows. It’s not. Well, except Bruce. And Blonsky. And Wong. Just remember whose show this actually is.
Social Media Man: They took the Hulk’s manhood away, but then they gave it to a woman?
Nikki Ramos: [to Jennifer, referring to the media] You have to respond. You have to be in control of your own narrative.
Nikki Ramos: This case is huge. People want to know every single detail about your life. You’re a public figure now. And the office line has been flooded with calls and requests for interviews, so you should do one.
Jennifer Walters: People only care because I’m representing Emil Blonsky. Once that’s over, this whole media circus will die down.
Nikki Ramos: No, Jen, this is not going to go away just because you’re ignoring it.
Holden Holliway: The girlfriend in question is a shape shifting Light Elf from New Asgard.
Jennifer Walters: Wow, Dennis.
Dennis Bukowski: Okay. Well, to be fair, I thought I was dating Megan Thee Stallion.
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry. What? Sorry. You thought you were dating Megan Thee Stallion? Multiple Grammy award-winner megastar Megan Thee Stallion?
Dennis Bukowski: What part of “shapeshifter” did you not get?
Wong: Everything Mr. Blonsky told you is factual. I extracted him from the prison against his own wishes, because I required a worthy opponent as part of my training to become Sorcerer Supreme. And as Sorcerer Supreme, I insist that he not be punished for my actions.
Jennifer Walters: Again, I am not the one who will be punishing him.
Wong: I know what you’re thinking, Ms. Walters, and I’m not erasing everyone’s memories. Not again.
Jennifer Walters: That is not what I was thinking. That is highly unethical.
Wong: Yeah, it’s also very messy, believe me.
Wong: We’ll send him to the Mirror Dimension.
Jennifer Walters: I don’t know what that is, but no.
Wong: Shadow Dimension?
Jennifer Walters: What you can do to help is show up at the hearing and explain everything.
Wong: Very well. We’ll reserve sorcery for strategy B.
Jennifer Walters: Don’t tap your nose.
Reporter: She-Hulk, can we get a word? Is it true you were rejected by the Avengers?
Emil Blonsky: Is Wong about?
Jennifer Walters: No. I don’t understand how a guy with zero commute time is late.
Emil Blonsky: [during his parole hearing] Let’s start by saying that I feel great remorse, great shame to those that I’ve harmed. So, to answer your question, yes, I feel I have been rehabilitated. I’ve spent every day of my incarceration focused solely on redemption. I have changed. Emotionally, physically, metaphysically, spiritually, karmically, cosmically, inter-dimensionally…
Jennifer Walters: Et cetera.
Jennifer Walters: Mr. Blonsky is currently in a long-term committed relationship with several pen pals. All of whom have pledged to financially support him.
Emil Blonsky: Excuse me. If I could. May I clarify?
Jennifer Walters: No.
Emil Blonsky: Blair, Ruth, Marta, Sheila, Alejandra, Yvonne, and Nicolette are my soul mates. We met through the prison pen pal program. They are my better eighths.
Literacy Program Guy: [referring to Blonsky’s contributions] Now the library is more than just a quiet place to shiv someone.
Prison Counselor: [referring to Blonsky] Instead of toilet wine, prisoners make toilet kombucha.
Judge Price: She may have diplomatic immunity in New Asgard, but we are not in New Asgard.
Runa: Excuse me, Your Honor, but Asgard is not a place, it is a people. Therefore, I…
Judge Price: Thor’s inspirational speeches are not admissible in court.
Dennis Bukowski: And when this is over, I’m canceling my Hollywood Hookups subscription. There’s clearly no vetting process.
Wong: [at the parole hearing] In regard to Mr. Blonsky vacating his cell, I gave him no choice. But it was absolutely his choice to return. I offered him asylum at the Kamar-Taj, which is truly lovely this time of the year. But he was quite adamant he be returned to serve out his sentence, and repay his debt to society.
Parole Officer: And as for Mr. Wong…
Wong: Just “Wong”. The Sorcerer Supreme. Master of the Mystic Arts. Leader and former librarian of Kamar-Taj.
Parole Officer: Yeah. You realize that you’ve just admitted to facilitating a prisoner escape, which is a crime.
Wong: I must depart.
Jennifer Walters: And then I get to my car, and some protester has written on it, “Monster defending a monster.”
Nikki Ramos: This can go away, you know, with one little interview.
Jennifer Walters: I cannot wait for this to be over so I can go back to being a normal anonymous lawyer. Who also happens to be a Hulk.
Nikki Ramos: What are you talking about? Jen, the genie is out of the bottle, girl. You are a story now.
Pug: [referring to Dennis] How did you two work with him for so long?
Nikki Ramos: Oh, I killed him in my head several times, in many different ways.
Jennifer Walters: And yet he was convinced that she had a crush on him. The man is almost terminally deluded.
Nikki Ramos: I’d call him gross.
Pug: How would you characterize Mr. Bukowski in relation to his romantic life?
Jennifer Walters: Self-absorbed, chauvinistic, conceited. He once described himself as a New York ten, and an LA eleven. He nicknamed his office the Dennisphere…
Dennis Bukowski: Objection. Relevance.
Judge Price: Mr. Bukowski, need I remind you that you’re not representing yourself here? And this is your witness.
Pug: In your opinion, Ms. Walters, do you think that Dennis Bukowski would believe that he could actually pull Megan Thee Stallion?
Jennifer Walters: Yes. Dennis Bukowski is an almost pathologically entitled man. He would absolutely believe that he’s dating the real Megan Thee Stallion, because he is truly that delusional.
Megan Thee Stallion: That’s right. There’s only one Megan Thee Stallion.
Emil Blonsky: [after he’s released on parole, but forbidden from transforming] Thank you, Jen. I’m in your debt, you know. Spiritually, of course.
Jennifer Walters: Just stay out of the news. That’s all I ask. I don’t want to read any more stories about either of us.
Emil Blonsky: You might want to reconsider that. I mean, they’re going to write a story about you one way or the other, you know. Better to be a part of it really.
News Interview Anchor: So, tell us, how did you come up with the name She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Funny story, I didn’t. Some random guy on the news came up with it after thinking about it for like two seconds. But it stuck. So, now whether I like it or not, I am forever She-Hulk.
News Interview Anchor: Great. We have to take a break. When we come back, She-Hulk shares her diet and exercise secrets.
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry. What?
Wrecker: If you’re going to strut around showing off your powers, you better be able to back it up.
Jennifer Walters: When did I ever strut around and show off my powers?
Jennifer Walters: Did you guys rob an Asgardian construction worker?
Megan Thee Stallion: Oh, you are way more fun than my last lawyer.
Jennifer Walters: I will kill for you, Megan Thee Stallion.
Megan Thee Stallion: Dial it back.
4. Is This Not Real Magic?'Is there anything worse than dating in your thirties?' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Donny Blaze: And what is your name, young lady?
Madisynn: Madisynn, with two N’s, one Y, but it’s not where you think.
Madisynn: [after Blaze transports her to Wong’s home in Kamar-Taj] Where am I? What happened to all the goblins? Who are you? Are you the goblin king?
Wong: No, I’m not.
'It's a numbers game, alright? After five hundred swipes, you're going to get about a third of those as matches. And that's when the real filtering happens. Oof. Hetero life is grim.' - Nikki Ramos (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Wong: Did a cut-rate magician send you here?
Madisynn: Not exactly. He sent me to a diff dimensh, and a talking goat helped me escape a lava pit in exchange for six drops of my blood. Then I kind of like browned out, and now I’m here.
Jennifer Walters: I guess you saw that Wong is back. God, everybody loves Wong. It’s like giving the show Twitter armor for a week.
'At first it was fun. Then scary, then fun again. Then spooky, but in a fun way.' - Madisynn (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Morris Walters: Dad, what are you doing here?
Jennifer Walters: Well, after that scare you had, I am here to beef up security. I’ve got new locks, cameras, an alarm system, and pepper spray.
Jennifer Walters: What’s the shovel for?
Morris Walters: Digging holes. Let’s just leave it at that.
'I made a pact with a demon that I cannot discuss. Otherwise he said he would “reap my soul and the souls of all I love”, which, honestly, is so dramatic. And I hate drama.' - Madisynn (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Morris Walters: My daughter gets attacked by four men, and I’m supposed to do nothing?
Jennifer Walters: Your daughter’s a Hulk. I’m going to be fine.
Morris Walters: [referring to the thugs] Well, what if they come back?
Jennifer Walters: I will kick their a** again. And you can use the shovel.
Nikki Ramos: [as they’re watching Jennifer’s interview on TV] Okay. We have got to get you some new clothes.
Jennifer Walters: There’s a very limited selection of clothing that fits my body.
Nikki Ramos: Clearly.
News Interview Anchor: How did you come up with the name She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: You ding-dongs dubbed me that.
Wong: I’m having an issue with a “magician”. Notice how I used the word “magician” in quotes.
Jennifer Walters: I did, yes.
Wong: It’s because he’s not an actual magician. This charlatan goes by the name of Donny Blaze.
Wong: Practicing the Mystic Arts without proper training not only endangers people, it risks untangling the material and astral planes.
Jennifer Walters: Completely.
Wong: Students pledge themselves to be loyal servants of the Mystic Arts.
Jennifer Walters: And did you get that in writing?
Wong: No. Ms. Walters, we answer to a higher power that abides by the metaphysical laws of the time-space continuum.
Jennifer Walters: Sure. But this is the American legal system. No judge is going to take this seriously unless we do things by the book.
Wong: Oh, The Book of Vishanti.
Jennifer Walters: No, the book of American laws.
Jennifer Walters: Onto the last bit of the Blonsky parole brief. Whoo-whoo!
Nikki Ramos: Did you just “whoo-whoo” a parole brief?
Jennifer Walters: I hated it as soon as it came out of my mouth.
Married Guy: Excuse me, ladies. I hate to see two stunning women sitting all alone.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, well, there’s two of us. So by definition, not alone.
Jennifer Walters: See, that guy is exactly why I don’t date.
Nikki Ramos: Oh, my God. You don’t have to date that guy. Jesus. There are plenty of non-gross people out there for you to date.
Nikki Ramos: [looking at Jennifer’s dating profile] We’re not using your corporate head shot as your profile photo. What’s your first date going to be? Webinar?
Jennifer Walters: This is exactly why I didn’t want to show you.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, there’s no judgment. But that was a really bad choice.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, my God. Are you swiping?
Nikki Ramos: Yes, of course. Come on. It’s a numbers game, alright? After five hundred swipes, you’re going to get about a third of those as matches. And that’s when the real filtering happens. Oof. Hetero life is grim.
Jennifer Walters: Nikki, you’re not helping.
Nikki Ramos: What if you made a profile, hear me out, as She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: I thought you hated the name She-Hulk.
Nikki Ramos: I do. But I don’t know. I can’t stop saying it. It’s really catchy.
Donny Blaze: Absurd. You can’t own magic.
Cornelius P. Willows: Yeah, you can’t own magic.
Donny Blaze: And you can’t trademark a spirit, register a soul, copyright art.
Jennifer Walters: You can copyright art. Yes.
Donny Blaze: This is a farce.
Cornelius P. Willows: This is a farce.
Jennifer Walters: Are you just like hype-manning him?
Cornelius P. Willows: Maybe.
Donny Blaze: What’s the matter, Wong? Are you scared I’ll become more mystical than you?
Wong: The Sorcerer Supreme doesn’t engage in competition, but I am more mystical in my sleep.
Alan: I decided I couldn’t just be a yes-man to some stiff boss, you know? That’s why I’m an entrepreneur.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. In what field?
Madisynn: [as Wong brings her to court as his witness] Oh, did you get a ticket for texting? Just say you were texting 9-1-1. They can’t prosecute.
Jennifer Walters: That isn’t what this is, and that’s not true.
Jennifer Walters: Could you tell us about the night you participated in Donny Blaze’s show?
Madisynn: Oh, sure. So, first he gave me roses that didn’t smell like anything. And then he pushed me into a fire land.
Jennifer Walters: That must have been terrifying. How did you escape?
Madisynn: I made a pact with a demon that I cannot discuss. Otherwise he said he would “reap my soul and the souls of all I love”, which, honestly, is so dramatic. And I hate drama.
Jennifer Walters: [to Wong] Okay. This was a mistake.
Jennifer Walters: And how would you describe your emotional state during this saga?
Madisynn: Great question. At first it was fun. Then scary, then fun again. Then spooky, but in a fun way.
Wong: This case travels beyond these courtroom walls. The men you see are seeking to wield the power of gods. And that places us on the edge of a precipice. One man in the mortal realm has the ability to cause a ripple so great, it reverberates through every dimension. And that ripple through galaxies has the ability to destroy all life within the known and unknown universe.
Madisynn: Case closed!
Judge Hanna: Okay. No. This case is far from closed.
Wong: Can we send Donny to the Mirror Dimension? He probably won’t even die.
Jennifer Walters: I would love that, but that will ruin our case.
Madisynn: Wongers, can we get froyo?
Madisynn: We can talk about The Sopranos.
Wong: Fine. No more spoilers.
Madisynn: Whatever. I was over it after Tony killed Christopher anyway.
Madisynn: What? I mean, he was like a son to him. It was so sad.
Jennifer Walters: [as she’s getting a lot of dating matches as the She-Hulk] Well, that is demoralizing for Jen.
Derek: How much can you dead lift?
Jennifer Walters: A literal ton?
Derek: Well, I just did six hundred. I’m not even a superhero.
Noah: God, you’re just so powerful. What a specimen.
Jennifer Walters: Did you just call me a specimen?
Noah: As a compliment.
Jennifer Walters: Is there anything worse than dating in your thirties?
Jennifer Walters: So what’s your story, buddy?
Arthur: I’m in medicine.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, what’s that like code for selling Adderall?
Arthur: I’m a pediatric oncologist.
Jennifer Walters: Oh.
Arthur: I’ve been on so many first dates, and I hate talking about myself Tell me about you.
Jennifer Walters: Oh.
Arthur: Also, should we split some fries?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. Let’s get those to go.
Amberleigh: You did the same trick in a show last week, and my friend Kaylah ended up stranded in a parking garage in Pomona.
Donny Blaze: Come on. Just close your eyes.
Amberleigh: No. I’m not going to get into your weird fire hole.
Arthur: You know, I got to say, this is the best date I’ve had in a while. I mean, swipe-dating is so dehumanizing.
Jennifer Walters: Yes.
Arthur: Everyone treats you like some soulless avatar on their phone.
Wong: Ms. Walters, why aren’t you answering your mobile phone?
Wong: [sees Jennifer as She-Hulk about to kiss Arthur] Never mind. I see.
Wong: [as Jennifer leaves her date] Come on. I feel like your dad.
Jennifer Walters: I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here.
Wong: Be a Hulk!
Jennifer Walters: [as she’s helping Wong get rid of the demons] After so many bad dates, I finally meet a guy who’s sweet, and listens.
Wong: Focus, Ms. Walters!
Jennifer Walters: And he’s very, very hot. Not that that matters. But it does. And instead of kissing his very hot face right now… Oh, God. They’re growing. And now I’m covered in demon goo, at a magic show, which is the worst part of this whole thing.
Arthur: [the next morning after spending the night together] Who are you?
Jennifer Walters: Jen. Just not in Hulk form. Just Jen.
Arthur: Oh. Cool. Cool.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Arthur: That’s cool. Unexpected.
Jennifer Walters: [after Arthur leaves] Whatever. Hot doctor’s a cliche anyway.
Delivery Person: [referring to Titania] She’s suing you for misuse of a trademark.
Jennifer Walters: Misuse of a trademark? What trademark? She’s suing me over the name “She-Hulk”? But that’s my name.
Delivery Person: Not if she trademarked it first, right?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, is that how it works, Your Honor? Get out of here.
Jennifer Walters: Kind of a bummer way to end this episode. I bet there’s a fun tag.
Wong: [mid-credits lines] What’s blue curacao?
Madisynn: I don’t know. It’s blue.
Wong: I’ve had vodka and yak milk. Never again
Madisynn: Do you have any of that here?
Wong: Actually, we still have some left from the wedding, yeah.
Madisynn: I would love to try some yak milk.
Madisynn: What’s your favorite drink?
Wong: Well, gin and tonic.
Madisynn: Wongers! Okay. I don’t know if they do bottomless gin and tonic, but we will find it.
5. Mean, Green, and Straight Poured into These Jeans
Titania: What makes you beautiful? She-Hulk by Titania. Be strong, be beautiful. Own who you are. She-Hulk by Titania. I am strength. I am beauty. I own who I am. She-Hulk by Titania, a luxurious new line of skin care, beauty, and wellness products created by Titania exclusively for you.
Cousin Ched: You know, Jen, the way trademark works is, whoever gets there first, gets it. You know, so if you would’ve done yours first, then she wouldn’t have been able to do that.
Jennifer Walters: “Snake venom lip plumper.” She’s literally selling snake oil. “Beauty serum.” “Beauty oil.” “Beauty tonic.” How are these not all exactly the same thing?
Nikki Ramos: Are you kidding? They’re completely different.
Jennifer Walters: I can’t believe she just stole my name like that. This is egregious.
Nikki Ramos: But you said you didn’t like the name She-Hulk anyway.
Jennifer Walters: I don’t! It is just what people decided to call me. It’s not who I am. I’m still Jennifer Walters. She-Hulk is just a thing that happened to me.
Jennifer Walters: I do admit though there are parts of it that I enjoy.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, you’re not done.
Jennifer Walters: Like the amazing hair. No hangover. Being able to walk home at night with headphones on without being afraid.
Nikki Ramos: Every woman’s dream.
Jennifer Walters: But I’m not a different person who needs a different name.
Nikki Ramos: So you’re not mad at the name She-Hulk?
Jennifer Walters: No. No, I don’t care about it.
Nikki Ramos: Okay. So you’re totally over it?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, like the most over it.
Nikki Ramos: You’re crushing your stapler.
Jennifer Walters: What?
Nikki Ramos: [to herself, referring to Titania] Why does she have to charge her fans so much for everything? Because that’s smart, Nikki. That’s why she is rich and you’re broke.
Pug: Alright, I can’t pretend like I’m here for a friendly visit. I need a favor.
Nikki Ramos: Oh. well, you know my price. Return favor. Plus interest.
Pug: The Iron Man Threes are coming out, and they’re limited to one pair per customer.
Nikki Ramos: Why do you need two pairs?
Pug: One to rock and one to stock.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, so you’re telling me that you collect shoes to look at that you’re never going to wear? I respect that.
Nikki Ramos: Okay. I’m going to need to call in my favor right now.
Pug: But you haven’t even done the original favor.
Nikki Ramos: But I am letting you slide on the interest, aren’t I?
Pug: You’re right.
Barista: What do you need? I got everything. Captain America shield, Thor hammer. Avengers T-shirt.
Nikki Ramos: This says, “Avongers.”
Barista: You don’t like Avongers? I got Avingers.
Mallory Book: Why didn’t you trademark your pseudonym?
Jennifer Walters: I never even thought about it, you know? Why would I? Did Doctor Strange have to trademark his name? Did Thor?
Mallory Book: You chose two examples of people who use their real names.
Mallory Book: If you’re going to be my client, you’re going to dress like you respect yourself, and not like a football player pleading no contest to a DUI. Nikki?
Nikki Ramos: Yes? Wasn’t lurking. I was close by.
Mallory Book: You obviously spend a lot of time thinking about what you wear. Why don’t you help Walters with her look?
Nikki Ramos: I’m actually already on top of that. I got you a consultation with the guy who makes clothing for superheroes.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, I don’t think I really need that.
Mallory, Nikki: You do, yeah.
Titania: [to Jennifer] Nice suit, Shrek.
Jennifer Walters: I will not answer to that name. You know why? Because it’s not my name. My name never has been, and never will be She-Hulk. It’s lazy, it’s reductive, and it’s straight-up garbage.
Luke Jacobson: [as he sees Jennifer in her She-Hulk form] Oh, my God! Is the hag convention in town?
Jennifer Walters: Well, like I told you before, She-Hulk is going to be one of the Avengers.
Luke Jacobson: You said she was one.
Jennifer Walters: It hasn’t been announced yet, because they’re still working out the deal. But basically she is an Avenger. The Hulk is her cousin.
Luke Jacobson: By blood?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. And she is going to be a megastar.
Luke Jacobson: Her?
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Jacobson] Why did he have to be so mean?
Nikki Ramos: In fashion, it’s cool to be mean.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Book] She’s so impeccable. Where does she shop?
Nikki Ramos: I don’t know. Somewhere with valet parking.
Nikki Ramos: [referring to Todd] You rolled over so quickly.
Jennifer Walters: So quickly.
Nikki Ramos: But the drinks are on him, girl.
Jennifer Walters: I made a dating profile as She-Hulk, and went on several dates as She-Hulk, showing a clear pattern of using the name. Every single one of those dates is a corroborating witness. This is how I win this case.
Nikki Ramos: By parading all the questionable men that you dated in front of a courtroom. Oh, Jen, that’s going to be embarrassing.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Mallory Book: My client used She-Hulk, not as a name to exploit in order to sell product, but as a genuine part of her identity. As you can see in the “About Me” section, my client wrote, and I quote, “Mean, green and straight-poured into these jeans.”
Mallory Book: And to answer the question, “What are you looking for in a partner?” My client wrote, “A sturdy back and reinforced king-size bed. JK. JK. JK.”
Noah: I specifically remember her referring to herself as She-Hulk, in the third person, and as a writer myself, I found that grating.
Mallory Book: So you would say you really connected with She-Hulk?
Arthur: She-Hulk and I had an intense connection. We had a great date. She battled demons, I mean, come on.
Mallory Book: Would you have gone on the date if She-Hulk had instead presented as Jennifer Walters?
Arthur: Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but, no. She’s not really my type. But She-Hulk. She-Hulk’s incredible. She’s amazing.
Titania: [after Jennifer wins the case] This isn’t over, hater.
Derek: I’m so sorry that happened to you. What you getting into later?
Titania: Fine. You can buy me things. Let’s go.
Jennifer Walters: I mean, I might need to schedule several sessions of therapy, but we won.
Mallory Book: Look, Walters, what that extremely attractive man said in there, you can do better. You deserve better.
Mallory Book: Quite a strategy. I don’t know any other lawyer who would humiliate themselves that way to win a case.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. I mean, you can always count on me to throw myself under the bus. It’s why Holliway pays me the medium bucks.
Mallory Book: Holliway could never have gone through that. He’s never had to prove his value to a parade of underwhelming men.
Jennifer Walters: Think about everything that She-Hulk brings to the table, and those guys were my best option.
Mallory Book: You can have literal superpowers, and some guy with an Internet connection will still think he can do better.
Jennifer Walters: Yes! Oh, my God! The things we put up with.
Luke Jacobson: [as we see Daredevil’s golden helmet] Hello, this shouldn’t be left out in the open. Tinsley, does client confidentiality mean nothing to you?
6. Just Jen
Nikki Ramos: Jen, you don’t need to bring a Luke Jacobson business suit to the wedding. I want to see the super suit that he made you.
Jennifer Walters: Why? I’m never going to wear it.
Nikki Ramos: Come on. You’re killing me! It’s twice as much a sin to kill a fun person.
Nikki Ramos: You’re going to look hot as Shulky. Yes. That is a reason to go to the wedding.
Jennifer Walters: Yes! Because that’s actually the reason I’m really excited to go.
Nikki Ramos: Real talk. Why does anyone have a wedding on a Thursday?
Nikki Ramos: Why are you a bridesmaid?
Jennifer Walters: Because she, I think she just felt obligated to ask me. And I felt obligated to say yes because how do you say no to being a bridesmaid?
Nikki Ramos: You just say no.
Jennifer Walters: Yes, it’s a self-contained wedding episode. And if you think this is happening at an inconvenient time in this season, you’re right. Because that’s how weddings always are. But I’m going to look great, so let’s go.
Heather: [to Jennifer in her She-Hulk form] Girl, your a** looks crazy right now. Incredible!
Lulu: Everybody has an a**.
Jennifer Walters: Obviously, this is the one time I didn’t want to show up as just Jen.
Mallory Book: Alright, Mr. Hollis.
Mr. Immortal: Mr. Immortal.
Mallory Book: I’m sorry. Didn’t you say your name was Craig Hollis?
Mr. Immortal: It is. But I go by Mr. Immortal. It’s pithier.
Mallory Book: Sure.
Mr. Immortal: It’s not like I didn’t try marriage out. I did. Several times. In fact, it could be said that no one has tried more than me. Probably literally. I’m a good guy. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. But you know, inevitably, things go stale. But that is a tough conversation. “I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I find that you are emotionally suffocating me. And you wear weird pajamas.” Can you blame me for walking out into traffic during rush hour, and putting an end to the whole issue right there?
Nikki Ramos: Wait. What?
Mallory Book: Let me get this straight. Are you saying that instead of having a conversation with your wife, you kill yourself to get out of the relationship?
Mr. Immortal: Woh. Woh. Woh. I don’t kill myself. I’m immortal. So, I can’t die.
Nikki Ramos: I’m sorry. And you think that this woman, who has a law degree, doesn’t know what immortal means?
Mr. Immortal: In my case, I do die. But only in the legal sense.
Nikki Ramos: So you die.
Mr. Immortal: I do. I die, but only for a… “Kind of die” for… But I do die.
Mr. Immortal: If you have the opportunity, I think this is the most considerate way to end a marriage.
Mallory Book: “Considerate”. That’s not the word you’re looking for.
Nikki Ramos: No. You just don’t know how to have any sort of confrontation whatsoever.
Mr. Immortal: Oh, I thought that lawyers were supposed to not be judgmental.
Nikki Ramos: No, they just have to represent you.
Mallory Book: I’m tapping out.
Lulu: Are you dating a guy? Is there a boy in your life?
Jennifer Walters: Oh. No. No. No. No.
Lulu: Oh, no! I’m sorry. You’ll find someone. Don’t feel bad.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, I don’t feel bad.
Lulu: That’s right! You know what, you still have a little time.
Heather: Lulu! Team Edward or Jacob?
Lulu: Let it rest! You know I dated both those actors.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Titania] She has weaseled her way into this wedding to mess with me. That is so obvious. Why does nobody else see that?
Titania: Okay, you’re being very loud.
Lulu: Jen, I hear you. Again. I do. But you sound insane right now. Like Titania wouldn’t just show up to my wedding, you know, trying to kill you, or something, I don’t know.
Jennifer Walters: Did they give you a plus one for this? Because I don not understand the metrics they used to decide.
Josh Miller: Yeah, they didn’t. But I don’t mind. See, my plan was to strike up a very normal conversation with a beautiful woman stuffing her face with candied nuts. I’m very good at sticking to my plans.
Mallory Book: This is what I was worried about. Not only did you fake your own death multiple times, but you also forged multiple fake identities. Frankly, all of these spouses should be filing criminal charges. You are lucky you’re not in prison.
Mr. Immortal: I will never understand women if I lived to be a… And I will.
Heather: So, the groomsmen were playing Mario Kart, and their shirts got all wrinkled.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, my God. From a video game?
Heather: Yeah. Video games are sports now. They’re on ESPN and everything.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Heather: So you’re on ironing duty, right?
Jennifer Walters: I am?
Heather: Yeah. Go bride squad!
Cousin Ched: What’s going on, my party people? It’s your boy, DJ In-ch-ch-chedible Hulk!
Nikki Ramos: [to Mr. Immortal’s ex-wives] Amy. You are going to receive a sincere apology with meaningful eye contact. Lasting at least fifteen seconds. Okay? And remember, everyone. What’s our mantra? Never again! Yes!
Mr. Immortal: [quietly to Nikki] Is that the absolute best you can do on eye contact?
Nikki Ramos: And so, Amy, that’s twenty seconds of eye contact.
Mr. Immortal: That seems interminable.
Jennifer Walters: [leaving a message] Bruce, where are you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks, or months, or days, or whatever. Call me back, you ding dong.
Jennifer Walters: [drunk at the wedding reception] You know, everyone is always so, saying about how She-Hulk is amazing. They’re always saying it. I just wanted to be amazing tonight.
Josh Miller: I don’t know. I think you’re pretty great.
Jennifer Walters: You do?
Josh Miller: I do.
Titania: [as Jennifer tries to hit her and misses] This is just sad. It’s no fun unless you’re She-Hulk. Come on!
Jennifer Walters: Why are you so obsessed with me?
Titania: I am not obsessed with you. Although it seems like everyone else is. You don not get to ruin everything for me for something that you don’t even want. Something you don’t even deserve. So now I am forced to prove it. So green up!
Jennifer Walters: Okay, just this one time I turn She-Hulk. Oh, no, I forgot how to do it.
Titania: This is pathetic.
Jennifer Walters: Give me a second!
Titania: My veneers! Oh, you think this is funny? Are you showing your eleven followers on Instagram? Where are you going? And I’m taking this! This wedding sucks!
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Titania] Oh, Lulu. I know I promised. She sucker-punched me when I was throwing up. Like, who does that?
Lulu: [drunk] She-Hulk is at my wedding? I love you so much. I’m a fan.
Lulu: [as she’s hugging Jennifer] Woh! Huge boobs!
Jennifer Walters: Yes, they’re big.
Lulu: Okay, huge boobs. Congrats. Whatever.
Mallory Book: I mean, I just don’t understand why anyone that afraid of conflict keeps getting married. And I just can’t believe that guy got eight different people to marry him.
Nikki Ramos: You must not be single in Los Angeles.
7. The Retreat'Sometimes life presents a teacher when there's a lesson to be learned.' - Emil Blonsky (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: I don’t care what a bunch of losers say about me online. Can’t even say it to my face because they know they’d get Hulk-smashed.
Jennifer Walters: I’m waiting for a text from Josh.
Nikki Ramos: What? Okay. That’s enough for you. You need to set a limit so that you don’t keep checking that during work hours.
Jennifer Walters: What about just hourly?
Nikki Ramos: No. It’s just the first twelve hours after you sleep with someone for the first time. It just kind of feels icky. You just got to coast through it without doing anything stupid.
'It hurts when someone rejects us, because it reminds us of the times we reject ourselves.' - El Aguila (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Josh] Why can’t he just text me back? Why is that so hard? There’s no reason in this day and age to not respond to a text.
Nikki Ramos: He could be in a meeting, or at the movies. There’s weddings, funerals, job interviews, silent retreats.
Jennifer Walters: I hope he’s at all of those today.
'I'm hurting for a yurting.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Chuck Donelan: [referring to Blonsky] You’re honking your horn at a ten-foot-tall lizard monster. So, maybe, put on your green suit.
Jennifer Walters: Put on my green suit?
Chuck Donelan: Yeah. Get big, Jolly Green yourself? I don’t know what do you call it?
Jennifer Walters: Hulking out.
'Remember everyone we meet, no matter how much they hurt you, is a lesson learned.' - Emil Blonsky (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Chuck Donelan: [referring to his inhibitor] Do you think maybe you might’ve jostled it, or…
Emil Blonsky: Come to think of it, I did get a jolt from an electric fence earlier. But it was worth it because my favorite chicken, Princess Silk Feather, was stuck.
Jennifer Walters: Your favorite chicken?
Emil Blonsky: Yeah.
Jennifer Walters: What the hell is going on?
Emil Blonsky: It’s just two men working through their resentments in a safe environment, Jen.
Man-Bull: Sorry. It’s my fault.
Jennifer Walters: You know what? Apologize to my Prius Prime with money.
Man-Bull: [introducing himself] Man-Bull. It was a weird lab experiment. Don’t ask.
El Aguila: And I am El Aguila. And before you make assumptions, no, I am not a matador. That’d make the two of us fighting pretty cliché, no?
El Aguila: I know exactly who I am. I am a swashbuckler.
Man-Bull: You’re saying that like it’s an actual occupation. Waving a sword around in here is not a job, unless you’re a matador.
Emil Blonsky: You see, to Man-Bull, El Aguila represents every person who’s tried to, you know, stab him in the, you know, for being an affront to nature.
El Aguila: Of which there are many.
Man-Bull: So many.
Jennifer Walters: This is so much unnecessary back story to tell to someone whose car you just destroyed.
Jennifer Walters: I can’t drive this. How am I supposed to go home now?
Emil Blonsky: You know, sometimes life presents a teacher when there’s a lesson to be learned. Jen, think of this totally knackered Prius Prime as your teacher.
Jennifer Walters: That was nothing. You just said nothing in response to a very straightforward question.
Emil Blonsky: Man-Bull? Give us a push to the garage, would you?
Man-Bull: Do I look like a mechanic? My name is Man-Bull. Not Mechanical-Bull.
El Aguila: Wow. How long have you been waiting to say that?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. That felt very forced.
Man-Bull: You too?
Emil Blonsky: Jen. You remember El Aguila and Man-Bull? This is Porcupine. He’s a porcupine. And Saracen thinks he’s a vampire.
Jennifer Walters: Wow. This is quite a group.
Emil Blonsky: You’re welcome to join.
Jennifer Walters: I’ll pass.
El Aguila: Just because I am Spanish, and I have a flair for the style, people constantly assume that I am a matador. It’s dehumanizing.
Porcupine: Spanish is a language, not a nationality, so.
El Aguila: You’ve never heard of Spain?
Man-Bull: Look, I know it’s not your fault, but those attributes make me see you as a matador. And, well, that’s triggering for me.
El Aguila: I did do some light matadoring in college.
Man-Bull: Oh, my God! Dude, what?
Wrecker: Sorry, I’m late. I lost track of time in the yurt.
Jennifer Walters: No way.
Emil Blonsky: Jen. Please.
Wrecker: I really needed it though. I was hurting for a yurting.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Wrecker] That guy is here? You probably don’t even remember who he is. Tell me they previously on’d him. No. I don’t care. We’re doing it again. Previously on this guy!
Wrecker: I was visited by a lot of feminine energy in there. I think I was talking to my dead grandmother, Rose. Hard to tell when you’re surfing the yurt though. Right?
Wrecker: So, I realized real strength comes from facing yourself in the mirror and saying, “Hey, man. I’m going to work on me.” I didn’t need a magic crowbar to give me a false sense of power. All it did was make me and my boys act like idiots. Rolling up on you like we were some supervillains or something.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, you attacked a woman four to one. You absolutely were supervillains.
Porcupine: [referring to Josh] When was the last time you talked to him?
Jennifer Walters: Three nights ago when we…
Man-Bull: Made love?
Jennifer Walters: First off, ew. No. When we’d slept together for the first time.
Porcupine: So how many dates?
Jennifer Walters: Three.
Man-Bull: What was the last thing you texted him?
Jennifer Walters: “That was fun. I can’t stop smiling.”
El Aguila: Yikes.
Jennifer Walters: What?
Porcupine: “I can’t stop smiling”? It is thirsty and a cliché.
Jennifer Walters: You’re thirsty and a cliché.
Wrecker: [to Jennifer, referring to Josh] I think that we have to start considering the very real possibility that you were ghosted.
Saracen: Or he wanted your blood.
Wrecker: No. Not that.
Jennifer Walters: You know in high school that friend that you have that’s like cooler than you are? Like more attractive and athletic. And they get all the attention from everyone.
Jennifer Walters: [points to her She-Hulk form] Hello! Like, you think life would be so much easier if I were that person. And I can turn into that person anytime I want to. And everyone pays attention when I’m this.
Jennifer Walters: But it feels like cheating, because would they like me if I didn’t have all of this? Like, if I was just Jen, would the same guys who like She-Hulk stick around for Jen? Because some of them don’t. And that sucks for Jen, because Jen is great, and no one cares when they’re She-Hulk. So, like I meet this guy who actually likes Jen, and that just felt good to know that, you know? And then, he ghosts me, and it sucks.
Porcupine: Well, for one thing, I’d say you can’t control what others people do.
El Aguila: It hurts when someone rejects us, because it reminds us of the times we reject ourselves.
Wrecker: Maybe this Josh thing hurts so much because you haven’t been spending enough time with Jen.
Saracen: And that’s a shame, because I bet Jen is pretty damn great and tasty. Dammit. Went off the rails. Somebody bail me out.
Man-Bull: [after Porcupine takes off his mask] Oh, my God!
Wrecker: It smells like a fart.
Emil Blonsky: Too much.
Porcupine: It feels good. Feels really good.
El Aguila: Oh, man. How many hours a day have you been wearing that mask, Papa?
Porcupine: Why? Am I ashy?
El Aguila: No. No, no.
Emil Blonsky: Could you just leave the suit on until we can get it dry cleaned?
Emil Blonsky: [after Jennifer deletes Josh’s number] How do you feel?
Jennifer Walters: I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m hurting for a yurting.
Wrecker: Well, we made this for you.
Jennifer Walters: [as she reads the card] Aw. “Bye, Jen. We love Jen and She-Hulk.”
Wrecker: We do.
Jennifer Walters: “The gang.” That’s nice.
Emil Blonsky: But it says “gang”, it’s not a literal gang. Just make sure you make that clear to the parole board.
Emil Blonsky: And Jen, next time you think of Josh, remember everyone we meet, no matter how much they hurt you, is a lesson learned.
[flashback, three days earlier, Josh secretly steals a sample of her blood for HulkKing]
8. Ribbit and Rip it'I'm Daredevil.' - Matt Murdock, 'Well, it is very daring to use ketchup and mustard as your color scheme.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Leapfrog: The store might be closed, but you forgot about the Guard Frog.
Robber #1: What the hell is a Guard Frog?
Robber #2: I think it’s his name.
Leapfrog: My name is Leapfrog. I’m just acting like I’m the Guard Frog in this particular instance.
Leapfrog: Right. So, I was surrounded by these huge guys. Although I was outnumbered, I could tell they were afraid of me. So, in order to de-escalate the situation, I shouted my signature catchphrase. And then next thing I know, my inflammable suit with a nine hundred degree threshold is on fire. And, you guessed it, I have third-degree burns all over my legs. I mean, I deserve justice. And compensation for all of my pain, mental anguish, and stuff.
'Look, I know you're just being mean because I kidnapped you, but words hurt, man.' - Leapfrog (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Holden Holliway: Mr. Patilio is one of our biggest clients.
Jennifer Walters: The guy dressed as a frog?
Jennifer Walters: Ribbit and rip it.
Holden Holliway: Yes, ribbit and rip it indeed.
Luke Jacobson: Excuse me? How dare you. I have never made a defective suit in all my life. My work is impeccable.
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Obviously, I know that firsthand. And Trust me, I’m not happy to be doing this.
Luke Jacobson: I’m not trusting you after you just lumbered in here and stabbed me in the back.
Jennifer Walters: [as Jacobson rips her gala gown] Oh! Hey, I pre-paid for that!
Luke Jacobson: Then you shouldn’t have betrayed me, you greasy old buffalo. You are blocked, blacklisted, and reported!
Jennifer Walters: Now, I am going to take you down.
Luke Jacobson: Well, I hope it’s not down to wherever it is you get your ugly clothes from!
Jennifer Walters: See you in court!
Luke Jacobson: Goodbye, tragedy.
Judge Price: [to Jacobson] Where is your counsel?
Matt Murdock: I’m here. Apologies for the tardiness, Your Honor. I had trouble finding parking. I’m just kidding. My driver got lost. My name is Matthew Murdock.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to Murdock] Who’s this a**hole?
Judge Price: I’m dismissing this case.
Leapfrog: Am I going to go to jail?
Jennifer Walters: No, but I would like you to.
Jennifer Walters: Luke.
Luke Jacobson: Yes, clown?
Jennifer Walters: I just wanted to apologize for…
Luke Jacobson: For daring to question my craftsmanship?
Jennifer Walters: Is there any way that we could go back to you being my tailor?
Luke Jacobson: Jennifer. Jenny. Jen. No. Because I hate you now.
Matt Murdock: I wanted to extend a peace offering.
Jennifer Walters: Ugh! I hate it when people take the high road.
Matt Murdock: Luke Jacobson made a couple of new suits for me, so I owed him one.
Jennifer Walters: Doesn’t really look like it.
Matt Murdock: That’s a low blow insulting a blind man’s clothes. I’m wearing pants, right?
Matt Murdock: Ms. Walters, have you been checking up on me?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. Can you blame me? You came out of nowhere, and you made my dumb client admit to being even dumber than I thought he was in court.
Matt Murdock: Well, you know the expression, “One for them, one for us”? Well, I run my practice in Hell’s Kitchen, and we mostly do pro bono work. The “us” part. But I do on occasion take a job with a bigger client when the bills start piling up. The “them” part.
Jennifer Walters: Wow. Secret double lives of Matt Murdock. How does he do it? As someone who works for “them” full-time, I really don’t have any gas in the tank for anything else.
Matt Murdock: I think you’re in a unique position to do some real good. You see, the way I see it, Jen Walters can use the law to help people when society fails them. And She-Hulk can help people when the law fails them. So, you can, if you choose…
Jennifer Walters: Be the best of both worlds.
Jennifer Walters: [referring to her chemistry with Murdock] We’re all feeling this, right? It’s not just me?
Todd: God, no one is collecting African s**t on my level. I love it. I love Wakanda. You know, I actually studied abroad there.
Jennifer Walters: Really?
Todd: Wakanda Forever!
Jennifer Walters: Ooh! That makes me uncomfortable.
Leapfrog: [over phone] Listen, you got to help me. I think I’m being attacked!
Jennifer Walters: Legally or physically?
Leapfrog: Definitely physically! But, I mean, maybe legally too.
Jennifer Walters: Where are you?
Leapfrog: I’m on my way to the Lily Pad.
Jennifer Walters: Is that a place I’m supposed to know?
Leapfrog: Yeah. It’s my famous secret lair.
Matt Murdock: [as Daredevil] You need to back off.
Jennifer Walters: And waste this outfit?
Matt Murdock: You’re making a mistake.
Jennifer Walters: You made a mistake when you messed with my client! Because now I’m going to whoop your a**.
Matt Murdock: My a** remains unwhooped.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah? Let’s fix that.
Jennifer Walters: [as she takes off his mask] Matt? Wait. Do you pretend to be blind, man? Because that is really problematic.
Matt Murdock: No. No, no. I’m blind. I’m blind. Relax. I have a spatial method that I use to see.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, like echolocation?
Matt Murdock: Yeah, kind of. Basically I have really good hearing. Or at least I did.
Jennifer Walters: [after telling her Leapfrog kidnapped Jacobson] Why didn’t you tell me that before we fought?
Matt Murdock: Why didn’t you ask me before trying to whoop my a**?
Jennifer Walters: I’m sorry that I assumed the guy dressed as the devil was the bad one.
Matt Murdock: Yeah, that’s a fair point.
Jennifer Walters: So, are you like a superhero? Like the Gold Devil?
Matt Murdock: I’m Daredevil.
Jennifer Walters: Well, it is very daring to use ketchup and mustard as your color scheme.
Matt Murdock: How about I tell Luke you said that?
Jennifer Walters: No! No, please don’t.
Matt Murdock: You ever destroy a parking lot before?
Jennifer Walters: Oh. Crap. I’ll go leave a note.
Luke Jacobson: I don’t know who told you that you could pull off this color, but you should go back to them and shoot them.
Leapfrog: Look, I know you’re just being mean because I kidnapped you, but words hurt, man.
Jennifer Walters: I can’t believe this dodo has henchmen. Actually, I can. I bet these goons work for his dad.
Matt Murdock: No. See, that’s where you’re wrong. Goons and henchmen are two completely different animals. Henchmen believe in the cause, whereas, goons are just there for the paycheck.
Jennifer Walters: Henchmen, goons, whatever.
Jennifer Walters: You can hear their heartbeats? Come on. That’s a little far-fetched.
Matt Murdock: I can hear yours too. Your heart’s beating pretty fast.
Jennifer Walters: What? What? No, it’s not. I’m healthy.
Jennifer Walters: I’m a Hulk. How about I just smash our way in?
Matt Murdock: Because they have weapons, Jennifer.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, good thing She-Hulk is indestructible, Matthew.
Matt Murdock: Stealth’s the way to go. Okay? Trust me, I’ve done this a million times. Remind me again, how many times you’ve broken into a warehouse full of goons?
Jennifer Walters: Remind me again who has the superpowers here? I’m pointing at myself.
Matt Murdock: Oh, yeah. I know. I have echolocation, remember?
Matt Murdock: Just let me do my thing.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, and I will do my thing.
Matt Murdock: You don’t have a thing. You don’t ever do this. Just follow my lead.
Jennifer Walters: [as Murdock leaps off the building] Okay. I guess that’s pretty cool.
Leapfrog: So, the devil ninja guy, he’s a lawyer?
Matt Murdock: No. I’m just a big fan of legal dramas.
Jennifer Walters: [as Murdock is beating up the goons] This guy’s really kind of doing it for me.
Leapfrog: [as he jumps out the window] No shame in retreat.
Jennifer Walters: So, you’ll make my gala dress?
Luke Jacobson: Yes, of course. I’m not a monster. Try not to get too bloated between now and then.
Jennifer Walters: Great to be strained professional acquaintances again.
Jennifer Walters: Are you going to give a statement to the cops?
Matt Murdock: I’m not really a stick around and talk to the cops kind of guy.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, so brooding.
Matt Murdock: More of a secret identity thing. You wouldn’t understand.
Matt Murdock: I was the lead superhero on this.
Jennifer Walters: You were they guy who wanted to spend half an hour picking off each goon, one by one.
Matt Murdock: You were the woman who caused excessive property damage. And you still can’t get that math right.
Matt Murdock: Hey, maybe next time I’m in town, I can take you out to dinner.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah, or maybe we can skip all of that and just…
[we see them entering Jennifer’s apartment kissing]
Jennifer Walters: [the next morning, after sleeping with Murdock] It’s weird you guys are still here. Doesn’t it feel like this episode should be over?
Nikki Ramos: By the way, there’s some guy outside dressed in a devil costume, and he’s doing the walk of shame because he’s… Oh. You did. With the…
Jennifer Walters: Yes.
Nikki Ramos: Oh, alright. And we’re happy?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, we’re happy.
Nikki Ramos: Okay. Alright. You’re the devil.
Jennifer Walters: Seriously, what is this scene? This episode already came to a very satisfying conclusion. Trust me.
Jennifer Walters: Wait, we’re doing the gala? That doesn’t feel right. Is next episode the finale?
Jennifer Walters: Just like a tacked-on set piece near the end of the season. This is the big twist, isn’t it? But the question is, is it the kind of twist that’s like, “Ooh, there’s another Hulk, but this one’s red,” or like, “I’m getting fridged?” Whatever. I’m game.
9. Whose Show Is This?'That's what Hulks do. We smash things. Bruce smashes buildings. I smash fourth walls and bad endings. And sometimes, Matt Murdock.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: Did you manage to get a hold of Bruce?
Pug: We left multiple messages. I managed to sound very calm, considering I was calling the freaking Hulk himself.
'This can't possibly be where this season was going.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Jennifer Walters: This was a targeted attack. They need to be held responsible for this.
Mallory Book: They baited you and you took their bait.
Jennifer Walters: I was angry! Which is how anyone would respond in that situation.
Mallory Book: Yes. But you are not just anyone. You are an out-of-control Hulk. That’s what all the witnesses saw.
'The bad guy steals my blood in order to give himself superpowers. Where did you come up with that original idea? Was that from every other superhero story ever?' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Morris Walters: Jen, if no one ever hires you again, you can always move back here with us.
Jennifer Walters: Thanks, Dad.
Elaine Walters: Of course. But my gym stuff is in your room now, and I work out every day at 7:00 AM. You should join me. Workout buddies. Oh, this will be fun.
'Are we done here?' - KEVIN, 'Oh, would not mind seeing Daredevil again. A woman has needs.' - Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk: Attorney at Law) Click To Tweet
Morris Walters: [to the reporters] Hey! Get off my damn lawn! I don’t care if there is a drought. I got water pressure for days.
Nikki Ramos: Okay, look. Intelligencia is made up of exclusively dumb dudes. One of these guys is going to slip up, and they’re going to give us enough information so that we can track them down. And then we will find them, and we will destroy them, by any and all means.
Jennifer Walters: Legally.
Nikki Ramos: I said, “By any and all means.”
Jennifer Walters: No. I am going to sue them for defamation and invasion of privacy, and get them charged with unauthorized access to a protected computer.
Nikki Ramos: Ugh. Boring. Alright. If you want to be all Jen Walters about it. Yeah, that’s cool.
Elaine Walters: Jennifer! Can you move the big bookcase for me? I think I want it closer to the window.
Jennifer Walters: No!
Elaine Walters: Oh, that’s right. You can’t be Girl-Hulk anymore.
Jennifer Walters: It’s She-Hulk, Mom. Or was. But never again. Which I know is what I said I wanted, but this doesn’t feel right. This isn’t even a reluctant superhero story. I’m just getting screwed over. Is this what you guys want?
Jennifer Walters: [reading from Blonsky’s Haikus book] “Our hearts beat the same. If you say I’m the monster, what does that make you?” This book sucks.
Todd: Dude, I created Intelligencia. I’m Hulk King.
Wrecker: Hey, Jen. You look like you could use a cup of tea and a friend’s ear.
Jennifer Walters: Yeah.
Wrecker: Saracen got me into this Pu’er tea, but you got to watch him when he makes it, because he likes to slip in chicken blood.
Wrecker: [as he takes a sip of the tea] Kind of miss the chicken blood.
Emil Blonsky: Emil, you’ve been transforming into the Abomination?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. I do speaking engagements. Nothing bad. Strictly for profit.
Emil Blonsky: I vouched for you.
Jennifer Walters: Jen, I’m sorry that you’re upset.
Emil Blonsky: Was there a real apology in there somewhere that I missed?
Jennifer Walters: [as Todd is transforming into the Hulk King] This can’t possibly be where this season was going.
Jennifer Walters: This is a mess. None of these storylines make any sense. Is this working for you?
Writer Zeb: Guys, what do we get if the entirety of the second season is one extended dream sequence?
Jennifer Walters: What the hell, you guys? What kind of stupid finale is this?
Writer Jessica: We thought it’d be really cool, and like unexpected.
Writer Zeb: Yeah. Like fun, kind of with a twist.
Jennifer Walters: A twist? The bad guy steals my blood in order to give himself superpowers. Where did you come up with that original idea? Was that from every other superhero story ever?
Writer Zeb: Okay. There are certain things that are supposed to happen in a superhero story.
Jennifer Walters: Kevin?
KEVIN: It stands for Knowledge Enhanced Visual Interconnectivity Nexus. Were you expecting a man?
Jennifer Walters: Yeah. Why would I expect a giant AI brain and not a man?
KEVIN: I will answer your questions, but you must transform back to Jennifer.
Jennifer Walters: Why?
KEVINL You are very expensive.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, sure.
KEVIN: But wait until the camera is off you. The visual effects team has moved on to another project.
KEVIN: I possess the most advanced entertainment algorithm in the world, and it produces near-perfect products.
Jennifer Walters: Near-perfect?
KEVIN: Some are better than others, but I leave that debate up to the Internet.
Jennifer Walters: The Marvel Cinematic Universe is known for its big spectacles and high-stakes plotlines, but it’s often said that Marvel movies all end the same way.
KEVIN: Wait. Who is saying that?
Jennifer Walters: Perhaps, this is a result of following some unwritten rule that you have to throw a bunch of plot, and flash, and a whole blood thing that seems super suspiciously close to Super Soldier Serum at the audience in the climax. I propose we don’t have to do that. It distracts from the story, which is that my life fell apart right when I was learning to be both Jen and She-Hulk.
KEVIN: But Bruce is supposed to return to explain what he was doing on…
Jennifer Walters: No. We don’t need to hear any of that.
KEVIN: But we were going to introduce…
Jennifer Walters: Save it for the movie.
KEVIN: Are we done here?
Jennifer Walters: Oh, would not mind seeing Daredevil again. A woman has needs.
KEVIN: Historically, we’ve been light in that department.
Jennifer Walters: What’s with all the daddy issues? We got Tony Stark. Daddy issues.
Jennifer Walters: Thor. Daddy issues. Loki. Same daddy, same issues.
KEVIN: Oh, boy.
Jennifer Walters: Star-Lord. Two daddies, two issues.
KEVIN: Jen, please stop.
Jennifer Walters: Oh, and when are we getting the X-Men?
KEVIN: I cannot tell you that.
KEVIN: You obliterated the thrilling ending KEVIN formulated.
Jennifer Walters: Well, yeah. That’s what Hulks do. We smash things. Bruce smashes buildings. I smash fourth walls and bad endings. And sometimes, Matt Murdock.
KEVIN: Okay, now get back to the show. See you on the big screen.
Jennifer Walters: Really?
Matt Murdock: Jen, I’m here to help.
Jennifer Walters: Hey, Daredevil! You missed it. We’re done. I’m sorry.
Matt Murdock: Everything? Oh, man.
Jennifer Walters: It was great though. And I’m happy to see you.
Jennifer Walters: As your legal counsel, do you understand that if you sign this, you go back to prison for ten years for violating your parole?
Emil Blonsky: Yep. It’s the karmic price I pay for my actions.
Jennifer Walters: Well, maybe you can write some haikus about it.
Emil Blonsky: Sarcasm?
Jennifer Walters: Can’t wait to read them.
Jennifer Walters: Aunt Rebecca, you don’t ask people how much money they make.
Matt Murdock: It’s fine. I don’t do it for the money.
Morris Walters: But you do make some money, right?
Jennifer Walters: Dad!
Morris Walters: It’s very expensive raising kids in LA.
Jennifer Walters: He’s staying for a week!
Matt Murdock: I did not think the conversation would go in that way.
Morris Walters: Matt, I’m going to tell you right now, every conversation is going in that direction, so buckle up.
Bruce Banner: I know I’ve been away on Sakaar for a while. I’ll tell you all about it. But first, I have someone here that I’d like you all to meet. This is my son, Skaar.
Matt Murdock: [to Jennifer] Wow, your family.
Jennifer Walters: The message we’re sending is that if you attack, harm, or harass innocent people, I’m coming for you.
Reporter: Do you mean in a courtroom or as a superhero?
Jennifer Walters: Both.
Reporter: And tell our viewers, who are you wearing to court today?
Jennifer Walters: Okay.
Reporter: The Difficult Diva of Law herself.
Wong: [mid-credits lines, after he breaks Blonsky out of prison] Emil, my apologies for the delay.
Emil Blonsky: You got sucked in another show, didn’t you?
Wong: We’re really in an era of Peak TV. Do you have all your things?
Emil Blonsky: Yeah. What’s the guest policy at Kamar-Taj? Shared fridge?
Wong: We’re kind of all one with everything.
Emil Blonsky: What about Wi-Fi?
Wong: We have Wi-Fi.