Spenser Confidential Best Quotes – ‘You’re in big trouble.’

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Winston Duke, Post Malone, Alan Arkin, Iliza Shlesinger, Bokeem Woodbine, Cassie Ventura, Donald Cerrone, Marc Maron

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Action comedy directed by Peter Berg. The story follows ex-cop, Spenser (Mark Wahlberg), who just got out of prison and is leaving Boston for good. But when two of Spenser’s former colleagues turn up murdered, he teams up with his no-nonsense MMA fighter roommate, Hawk (Winston Duke), to help him investigate and bring the culprits to justice.

Best Quotes

[as Spenser is pleading guilty to assaulting his police captain, Boylan]
Judge: And how do you plead on the count of aggravated assault of a police officer?
Spenser: Guilty.
Judge: Before I sentence you, is there anything further that you would like to add?
Spenser: Yes. The son of a b*ch deserved it.

[whilst in prison]
Squeeb: You got a girl, right?
Spenser: I got a girl. Her name is Pearl. Yeah, I’m probably just going to lay down in my bed and let her lick me all over.
Squeeb: Pearl. Sounds like an old lady’s name.
Spenser: You know, she’s a little older. She makes up for it in loyalty.

Squeeb: You know, we just want to let you know how important it is that you’re getting out of Boston and never coming back, driving a f**king truck, doing whatever the hell you’re doing.
Prison Inmate #1: Yeah, we have a little going away message for you.
Spenser: For me? Well, can’t be from the guys in here.
[he puts down his reading glasses]
Spenser: They like me, right? So, who’s sending the message?
[he looks over his shoulder to another inmate sat behind him]
Prison Inmate #2: F**k them up, Spenser.
[Spenser then proceeds to take down the inmates before getting stabbed and the prison guards stop them]

[as they are checking Spenser’s fingerprint before being released from prison]
Prison Guard: Your fingerprints are the only unique thing about you, sh*tbag.
Spenser: Seriously? You said that five years ago when I got here. Why don’t you get some new material?
Prison Guard: I’ll see you in about a month or less.
Spenser: Have a nice day.

[after Spenser is released from prison]
Henry: Hey! You made it. Nice out here, huh? Take a minute, enjoy it. Try and stay on this side for a while.

[flashback to Cissy throwing Spenser’s stuff from the balcony after finding out he’s going to prison]
Cissy Davis: Five years in prison?
Spenser: Hey!
Cissy Davis: Why can’t you just stay out of other people’s businesses, huh?!
[she throws the TV over the balcony]
Cissy Davis: How do you like that? I love you! I love you so f**king much!

[as Cissy comes to the prison to pick up Spenser on his release day]
Cissy Davis: Heart made of granite because I find out from someone at the car wash that he got out of prison today?
Prison Guard: Ma’am, I can’t help you with that. You really got to move your car.
Cissy Davis: Alright, Shawshank. I’ll move my f**king car.

[as Henry takes Spenser to his apartment]
Henry: Back in the day, my old man bought this place for eight thousand bucks. Now it’s worth one million five hundred thousand per floor.
Spenser: Sell it, live the dream. Come to Arizona with me.
Henry: No. My dream is to die in my bed, right here.

Henry: Let’s go see your girlfriend.
[we see Spenser’s dog, Pearl, who Henry has been looking after]
Spenser: Pearl. Pearly, baby. Hey. Pearly. Henry, she won’t even look at me. She gave me the cold shoulder. Baby, I’m sorry that I was gone. I know five years is way too long.
Henry: Thirty-five years from her perspective.
Spenser: No more cold winters for you. You’re going to keep your little paws in the desert, and you’re going to chase little bunny rabbits in the sand. Huh?
Henry: There’s no bunny rabbits in Arizona. They got snakes and scorpions. She wouldn’t last a week.
Spenser: Henry, you got to shut the f**k up, okay? I’m just trying to have a moment here and apologize for my absence to my baby girl.

[after finding Hawk is living in Henry’s apartment]
Henry: What?
Spenser: You said I had my own room.
Henry: Hawk, this is Spenser. Spenser, this is Hawk. You two are going to be roommates. Toilets are flushed at all times. Food is labelled. No fighting in the house, and if there’s going to be any drinking, I instigate it. Now, I’d like you two to get to know each other.

[referring to Hawk]
Spenser: Where’s the giant?
Henry: Gets up at five, starts running.
Spenser: We got no milk.
Henry: There’s some oatmeal milk in there, but it belongs to Hawk.
Spenser: Oat milk? What the f**k is that?
Henry: Who knows? All I know is he drinks it all the time.
Spenser: What? Do you have to put something in it?
Henry: Well, what would you put in it?
Spenser: I don’t know, Henry. Take a wild guess. Maybe like water, or milk, or something.
Henry: If you put milk in it, you might as well use f**king milk!

[after finding out that Boylan has been murdered]
Spenser: Well, this is a surprise.
Driscoll: Yeah. Sorry, Spense, I got to ask you. Where were you last night? You know how it is. Captain Boylan dies the same night that you get out, and you’re on the top of the suspect list.
Henry: He was right here. I tucked him in myself. Not only that, he’s got a roommate that was sleeping ten feet away from him.
Spenser: That’s more like three feet, Henry, but thank you, very much.
Driscoll: Alright. An alibi’s a beautiful thing. Let’s go.

Spenser: I mean, Henry, this guy doesn’t even know how to throw a f**king punch.
Henry: You hear him? Haven’t I been telling you that? That you don’t know how to throw a f**king punch!
Hawk: How about I kick you in the f**king…
Henry: There’ll be no kicking till you learn how to punch. He’s going to teach you.

[after Cissy comes to the health club to see Spenser]
Cissy Davis: Bunch of grown men slapping and tickling each other like f**king gorillas.
Spenser: I’m in here working. Okay? I’m trying to better my life. That’s it. And you stopped coming to see me. What’s the problem? I thought you moved on.
Cissy Davis: You were in prison! What was I supposed to do? Wait?
Spenser: Yeah.
Cissy Davis: With no ring? Going up there every week so we could have riveting conversations, like how much I missed your c*ck?
Spenser: No, I just figured you moved on.
Cissy Davis: What you’re calling “move on” is me just living.

Cissy Davis: [to Spenser] You are incapable of real intimacy. And I came here to tell you, I never want to see you again.

[after Letitia’s husband, Terrence, is accused of Boyle’s murder, Spenser offer his help]
Letitia: Is this revenge for you?
Spenser: No. My mom wasn’t dealt a good hand either. But she was fierce, tough, and she had a lot of heart. I got a lot of flaws, Mrs. Graham. Believe me, a lot. But anything I got good in me, it came from her.
Letitia: Sounds like she was a good woman.

[as the cops surround Spenser in the bar bathroom]
Macklin: Did you apologize for beating down your own captain?
Spenser: I never got the chance.
Macklin: Jesus Christ. The set of balls on you. I don’t know if you noticed it, but it’s Sergeant Macklin now.
Spenser: Wow. For you to be a sergeant, I’d say all your superiors must be dead, no?
That’s just impossible, right? So, what was it? A clerical error, or did they just get a tax break hiring a mentally stunted d**khead like yourself?
Macklin: Jesus, you are a pr*ck.
Spenser: Thank you.
[Macklin punches Spenser, after which Spenser fights all the cops before being thrown out of the bar]

[as Spenser goes to get the surveillance footage from a Minimart]
Spenser: I just need the tape from your cameras, okay? From the other day.
Minimart Clerk: Oh, it’s not a tape.
Spenser: Well, I need this hard drive!
Minimart Clerk: That’s the cable box.
Spenser: What?
Minimart Clerk: That’s the cable box.
Spenser: Where’s the hard drive? How do you get the footage from the cameras?
Minimart Clerk: They’re in the cloud.
Spenser: What the f**k is a cloud?
Minimart Clerk: The cloud.
Spenser: Listen, dude, don’t play with me right now, okay? Give me the cloud.

[as they are watching Spenser being thrown out of the bar by the cops earlier]
Hawk: Ooh. I thought you knew how to punch.
Spenser: There was four of them. Okay?

[as they are watching the surveillance footage]
Spenser: Who are you meeting, Terrence?
Hawk: That’s a Corvette zero six.
Spenser: Can you zoom in a little bit? It’s too blurry. Sh*t!
Hawk: It means you’re looking for a fat old white dude, with three divorces and a micro-d*ck.
Spenser: Why is that?
Hawk: Who else you think drives a Corvette like that?

Spenser: Look, I wanted to ask you a few questions about Terrence Graham. Man, anything seem off to you about it?
Driscoll: Yeah. The fact that you’re asking me about it. What are you, a private detective now, huh? Is that what’s going on here? Because I was under the impression that a convicted felon can’t get a license.
Spenser: Yeah, well, With your connections, I could probably get a pardon.
Driscoll: [laughs] Listen, let this one go.

[as he’s training Hawk]
Spenser: Defense is the best offense sometimes.

Hawk: I want to be the LeBron James of MMA.
Spenser: Really?
Hawk: Yeah.
Spenser: Wow. Yeah, that’s impressive.
Hawk: I’m going to use my gifts to make a difference in the world like my dad would’ve wanted.
Spenser: Your dad, huh? What was he like?
Hawk: He was a good guy. Military man, pilot. Man of the world type, you know? We moved around a lot. Settled in New Orleans. He witnessed some real messed up sh*t in our community. Everybody told him to look the other way. He couldn’t. He died, a hero. Not minding his own business.
Spenser: What happened?
Hawk: I’m not going to get into that, not with you. Probably not ever, actually.
Spenser: Fair enough.

[after they’ve had sex at the diner bathroom]
Cissy Davis: That time we thought I was pregnant. Do you remember what you said to me?
Spenser: Um, I remember the gist.
Cissy Davis: You said, “I’m not saying we’re getting married, but that kid’s not going to be raised without a father.” You remember that? It was a false alarm, thank God. But you were going to do what was right. You always had that strong moral code.
Spenser: I’m moving to Arizona. I’m going to start over. Start fresh.
Cissy Davis: That’s the f**king dumbest thing I’ve ever f**king heard. This is your home. Hell will freeze over before you ever touch me again.
[Cissy turns to leave]
Spenser: You got a little stain on your dress there. Just saying.
Cissy Davis: [shrugs] Souvenir.
[leaves the bathroom]

[after Spenser gets attacked by a dog when he goes chasing after the Corvette]
Spenser: Hey. Thanks for having my back out there.
Hawk: What was I supposed to do? I got my own problems.
Spenser: You know Terrence Graham’s son is going to grow up without a father? Huh? And worse than that, every single person in this city thinks he died a scumbag. What about him? You don’t care about clearing his name? Huh?
[turns and starts walk off]
Spenser: Shame on you.
Hawk: Eight-nine-zero-five-three-Q-G.
Spenser: What?
Hawk: Eight-nine-zero-five-three-Q-G.
Spenser: You got the license plate? You couldn’t have yelled that to me and prevented me from getting mauled by a wolf?
Hawk: Yeah, well, you’re a dog lover.
Spenser: [smiles] That’s pretty good. Thank you.

[at the DMV, where Spenser is getting the Corvette license plate checked out]
Spenser: You look good.
Billy: You look like you banged a mountain lion.

[after Spenser finds out the Corvette belongs to]
Spenser: Tracksuit Charlie Bentwood. Irish mob throwback. Back when the Irish mob existed outside all those sh*tty movies.

[after Spenser his story about how Boylan was a crooked cop; referring to Bentwood]
Hawk: That f**ker over there killed a cat?
Henry: So the cat is what you’re taking away from all of this?
Spenser: Right, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to blow this whole sh*t open. Clear Terrence’s name, and take these guys down. Do you want in?
Hawk: Man, I’m already in.

Spenser: It’s simple. The FBI does not solve crime, they manage them. They play some big abstract game, trying to trade-up for some vague masterplan, a big fish, which they never do. Meanwhile, all the victims, the innocents, the Terrence Grahams of the world, they fall through the cracks. Right? There’s zero justice, ever.
Hawk: So where are we? We got Trinitarios, deal making FBI.
Spenser: Yeah. And we got some very corrupt cops covering something up.
Hawk: Well, maybe killing Boylan was a message.
[pause]
Spenser: I know who we got to go see.

[Spenser goes to visit investigative reporter, Cosgrove]
Wayne Cosgrove: If I was still a crime reporter, and I wanted to get my head chopped off, I’d be writing about the connection between some dirty cops, and some big politicians using the Trinitario drug trade to get a seat at the table of Wonderland. It’s like some f**king evil partnership. It’s got a name. Los Oscuros. Huh? The Dark.
Spenser: Cosgrove, if you know all this, why don’t you just go public with what you have?
Because the Wonderland syndicate has got enough money to bury anything I put out there.

Wayne Cosgrove: Alright, picture this. Real bad cops, Dominican street gangs, and some of the dirtiest investors in the game, all working together, to build the next great family-friendly resort destination for degenerate gamblers.
Spenser: What if I get you evidence?
Wayne Cosgrove: [chuckles] What? Real, undeniable evidence? I don’t even know what that looks like. It would have to be some f**king visual to poke through this fake news bullsh*t. I’ll tell you that. Okay? So we done now? Because, honestly, this is the kind of conversation where a little red sniper dot pops up on my forehead.

[at Boylan’s funeral; referring to Spenser]
Macklin: We have come way too far to let this take up any more of our time.
Driscoll: Cat and the bell. Group of mice live very happily in a barn, until, one day, a feral cat starts eating the mice. So they all gather together one night to figure out what to do about this feral cat. So one of the younger mice speaks up. “Why don’t we place a bell around his neck so that every time he’s coming, we can hear him?” One of the older mice says, “That is an excellent idea, but whom shall we get to place the bell around the cat’s neck?”
Macklin: So what do we do then?
Driscoll: Sometimes you got to just kill the cat.

[as Spenser is getting beat up, Hawk backs the car up in the restaurant to save Spenser]
Hawk: Yoh! Get in!
Spenser: Oh, sh*t! You’re in big trouble.
Hawk: For what?
Spenser: You smashed the Riviera through a restaurant!
Hawk: Get the f**k in the car!
Spenser: I’m telling Henry you were driving the car.

Hawk: Man, you get beat up a lot. You know, and I’ve noticed every single time you get your face pushed in, you come back with just a little bit more information.
Spenser: Would you stop?
Hawk: I’m just saying. I don’t think it’s a very good tactic.
Spenser: They know who I am now.
Hawk: No sh*t!

[as Spenser, Hawk and Henry go to stay at Cissy’s place]
Cissy Davis: I hope you brought towels. This isn’t a Motel Six.
Spenser: Hey, we’re here two days, four days max. It’s not safe at Henry’s. Nobody’s going to look for us here.
Cissy Davis: Who won’t look for you here?
Hawk: Law enforcement. Trinitarios.
Cissy Davis: Oh, the good guys and the bad guys. That makes me feel much better. It’s also repetitive behavior.

Hawk: Is this your house or a kennel?
Cissy Davis: Both. I clean dogs, I board dogs, and I am very successful at it, alright? What did you expect? Punching bags? A bunch of grown men kicking each other in the f**king neck? Go to Henry’s for that.
Henry: Leave my business out of it.

Cissy Davis: [to Henry] I expected more from you. You’re supposed to be his mentor. Create an atmosphere of responsible thought and action. Instead, you got two grown men running around playing Batman.
Spenser: We’re not playing Batman, okay?
Cissy Davis: This is Batman business all the way. Got you and big boy over here running through Boston all Robin-ed up.
Hawk: I am not Robin.
Cissy Davis: And Alfred over here…
Henry: [laughing] Oh, Jesus.
Cissy Davis: You are an enabling Alfred. You gave him the keys to the Batmobile.
Henry: The Riv is not the Batmobile.
Cissy Davis: Well, it serves the same purpose.

[referring to Cissy’s place]
Hawk: Are we really going to stay here? Because, I mean, I’d rather take my chances with the Trinitarios. At least they don’t talk so much.
Cissy Davis: No. Because they’re too busy trying to shoot you!
Spenser: You know, actually, they prefer machetes. Well, they’re angry.
Cissy Davis: Okay, well, I feel so much better now.

[after Spenser and Hawk goes to Letitia’s place, which has been raided, her son sees Hawk]
Terrence’s Son: Are you a giant?
Hawk: Yeah.
Terrence’s Son: Are you a good one or a bad one?
Hawk: I’m a good one.

Spenser: I know about Wonderland, brother. I know you’re in deep.
Driscoll: You got any proof, Spenser?
Spenser: Yeah. Too much. You know, the good cop that I know, if he’s still…
[as Spenser goes to points his finger, Driscoll slaps his hand away]
Spenser: Alright. Tell you what, I’m going to give you one last chance to come clean about Wonderland. Cut a deal with the Feds, tell them the truth before more people get hurt. You do your time like a man, brother. Like I did. Be a hero for Josh.
Driscoll: Get the f**k out of here.
Spenser: That’s what I figured. You always were a hard-head. Just like me.

[after Hawk and Spenser throw two thugs out of their van, they see one remaining in the back of the van]
Spenser: You forgot one in the back.
Hawk: I forgot one in the back?
Spenser: Well, it’s the driver’s responsibility to check the back.
Hawk: Who makes these rules?

[after taking the truck full of drugs]
Wayne Cosgrove: I don’t know if it’s enough.
Spenser: You don’t know if it’s enough? What the f**k is wrong with you?
Wayne Cosgrove: It’s just a truck full of drugs!
Spenser: If I gave you a photograph of them smiling and holding it, you’d say it wasn’t authenticated.
Wayne Cosgrove: No, that’d be good.
Spenser: Them holding it? Huh?
Wayne Cosgrove: Yeah! Yeah!
Spenser: If I gave you a video tape, you’d say it was doctored! If I walked them into court with the drugs in their hands, you’ll say they were coerced! You’re unbelievable, do you know that?

[after they take the truck full of drugs to Cissy’s garage]
Cissy Davis: You know what Ringo here’s job was before he retired? Do you know what his main hustle was?
Hawk: What?
Spenser: He was a narcotics dog.
Cissy Davis: Bingo! Ringo.

[after Driscolll’s kidnapped Henry and is taking him to Wonderland]
Spenser: We’re going to have to get Henry out of the way, and I got a plan. It’s a little unconventional. You’re going to have to trust me.
[as Hawk picks up a gun]
Spenser: No, no, no. No, you don’t get the cool gun.
Hawk: Hawk is the name of a m*therf**ker with a shotgun. Spenser does your taxes.
Spenser: That was good. I’ll give you that one.

Henry: [to Driscoll] You know, I’d really love to understand the process of why you took me as a hostage. Nobody’s going to come for me. I got about three minutes left in me. Nobody gives a sh*t if I live or die. I don’t even care much if I live or die. You hit me in the eye. What you hit me in the eye for? I was sitting, minding my own business. You come in, I say, “Hello,” and you hit me in the eye.

Henry: I got to go to the bathroom.
Driscoll: Henry.
Henry: What?
Driscoll: Henry. I will gag you, old-timer.
Henry: Gag me or not, I still got to go to the bathroom.

[as Cissy turns up at their meeting place in Wonderland to get Henry]
Cissy Davis: Who’s running point on this sh*t-show? Get that f**king sword out of my face. What, do you work at a Brazilian steakhouse?

Driscoll: Where’s Spenser?
Cissy Davis: You degenerates. This is how you treat an old man, a poor mentally challenged old man? Come on. Let’s go, Henry.
Henry: I’m not mentally challenged.
Cissy Davis: Shut up, Henry! You’re in shock.

[as they are being shot at by Driscoll and his men]
Hawk: This is your plan?!
Spenser: My plan only went as far as the entrance, okay?

[after Hawk punches one of Driscoll’s men]
Spenser: That’s how you throw a f**king punch!

[as they are fighting]
Spenser: You ain’t got what it takes to make it in prison, you know why? Because you’re weak.
[Driscoll hits Spenser]
Driscoll: Your stupid Serpico morality, it doesn’t work in the real world.

[as he’s hitting Spenser]
Driscoll: You were always so f**king naive! Huh? You thought you could help the victims? You ain’t helping sh*t! Always some endless f**king need for sympathy! Oh, please, that’s sh*t! You hear me? You ain’t helping no one. There’s no justice, Spenser! There’s only the strong and the weak. They’re going to f**king find your body wherever I f**king dump it. They’re going to put chalk around you, boy. You’re going to die. Henry too. And I’m going to walk these m*therf**king streets! Forever.

[after Spenser finally defeats Driscoll in their fight]
Spenser: You know what, bad guy? I’m going to serve some justice today. I’m going to make a citizen’s arrest. You’re under arrest.
[he handcuffs Driscoll]
Spenser: You save the bad guy talk for the boys in whatever federal prison you go to. You can tell them I said hello.

[referring to Spenser’s dog, Pearl]
Cissy Davis: You know she doesn’t understand a word you’re saying.
Spenser: She understands everything I say.
Cissy Davis: No, she’s just waiting for you to give her a treat.

Spenser: You look good.
Cissy Davis: I know. You want to take me for lunch?
Spenser: What do you want to eat?
Cissy Davis: I want you to buy me a lobster.
Spenser: You want me to buy you a lobster?
Cissy Davis: I want you to buy me a whole f**king lobster.
Spenser: Are you going to eat it, or are you going to just…
Cissy Davis: No, I’m going to throw it in your f**king face. Yeah, I’m going to eat it. I’m starving.

Cissy Davis: You did good this time.
Spenser: You know what? That was sweet.

[as they are having a celebratorie lobster dinner]
Henry: I worked on a lobster boat for ten months, a long time ago. Seen them pulling up box after box of those poor lobster bastards, with their little eyes staring at me like little lost children with claws.
[holds up a lobster]
Spenser: Like this one?
Henry: Yeah.
Hawk: That’s charming. That’s charming. It’s what makes you you.

[last lines; as they see the news showing a firefighter chief being arrested]
Henry: Somebody change that channel! The Bruins are playing.!
New Reporter: Two Boston firefighters died in the blaze.
Batallion Chief Foley: [on TV] I have kids. I have kids! would never do this. I swear to God, I would never do this. I need help!
[as Spenser looks like he’s considering taking on helping Foley]
Cissy Davis: No.
Henry: The Bruins, please!
Batallion Chief Foley: [on TV] I need help!
Cissy Davis: No. No!
Henry: The Bruins!

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