Spider-Man: No Way Home Best Quotes

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Starring: Tom Holland, Zendaya, Benedict Cumberbatch, Jon Favreau, Jacob Batalon, Marisa Tomei, J. B. Smoove, Benedict Wong, Willem Dafoe, Alfred Molina, Jamie Foxx

OUR RATING: ★★★★☆

Story:

MCU’s superhero action adventure sequel directed by Jon Watts. Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) follows Peter Parker (Tom Holland), who’s life and reputation is turned upside down following his identity being exposed at the hands of Mysterio. When he asks for help from Doctor Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) to try and fix everything, things soon become even more dangerous, forcing him to discover what it really means to be Spider-Man.

Read the movie review here.

Our Favorite Quotes:

'If you expect disappointment, then you can never really get disappointed.' - MJ (Spider-Man: No Way Home) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

J. Jonah Jameson: [after he’s revealed Peter as Spide-Man] People look up to this boy and called him a hero. Well, I tell you what I call him. Public Enemy Number One!

MJ: [after Jameson’s revealed his identity] Okay, where are we going to go?
Peter Parker: I don’t know. Your house.
MJ: Oh, no! We cannot go to my house. My dad will kill you!
Peter Parker: What? I thought you said your dad really liked me?
MJ: Yeah, well, not anymore!

Peter Parker: I didn’t kill Quentin Beck. The drones did.
Agent Cleary: The drones that are yours.

Ned Leeds: I knew way before MJ did. I was Spider-Man’s guy in the chair.
Agent Cleary: Oh, I know about those. I mean, half the guys have guys in the chair.
Ned Leeds: Exactly! You wouldn’t know, I literally helped him find the Vulture.
Agent Cleary: I didn’t know that.
Ned Leeds: And I helped him hack his suit once, and kind of helped him get to Space.
Agent Cleary: So, in Spider-Man’s illegal vigilanteism, you were his main accomplice.
Ned Leeds: I would like to have my words strictly from the record.

Matt Murdock: Peter, you may have dodged your legal troubles, but things will get much worse. There is still the court of public opinion.
Peter Parker: [as Murdock catches the brick thrown through the window] How did you just do that?
Matt Murdock: I’m a really good lawyer.

MJ: Well, what are your other favorite things?
Peter Parker: I love your relentless optimism.
MJ: Yeah. I am a glass half-full kind of gal.
Peter Parker: I really like how you’re a people person.
MJ: I love people. I love them so much.
Peter Parker: You like sports.
MJ: I think the Mets are going to go all the way this year.
Peter Parker: Really?

MJ: I have a weird question. Does any part of you feel relieved about all of this?
Peter Parker: Ever since I got bit by that Spider, I’ve only had one week where my life has felt normal. Well, kind of normal, I guess. And that was when you found out. Because then, everyone that was in my life, that I wanted to know, knew. And it was perfect. But now everybody knows. And I am the most famous person in the entire world, and I’m still broke.

Crowd Member: Who are you?
Ned Leeds: I’m Ned Leeds. I’m Spider-Man’s…
Flash Thompson: Peter Parker’s best friend. You come at my boy? You come at Flash Thompson. If you want to read about our inspiring friendship, you can now from my new book, Flashpoint. One spider, two hearts, a million crazy-a** memories. Check it out.

Mr. Dell: Peter, we would love to welcome you back To Midtown High, where we shape heroes.
Coach Wilson: Or murderers.
Mr. Dell: Stop it.

Peter Parker: Can we just like stay up here all day? It is so crazy down there.
MJ: [reading from the paper] Wait, this one’s good. Some suggest that Parker’s powers include the male spider’s ability to hypnotize females. Which he used to seduce Jones-Watson into his cult of personality.”
Peter Parker: Stop! Stop.
MJ: Yes, my Spider Lord.

Ned Leeds: So, I was thinking, when we get into MIT, we should live together.
Peter Parker: Yeah, for sure.
MJ: Yeah. I’d love that.
Ned Leeds: [referring to the photo of students] This is going to be us.
MJ: Yes. Minus the Frisbee, and the smiling.

Peter Parker: New school, new town. I can Spider-Man there. I mean they have crime in Boston, right?
MJ: Yes. Yes, they do.
Ned Leeds: Yeah, wicked crime.
Peter Parker: Yeah, so it’ll be like a fresh start.

MJ: If you expect disappointment, then you can never really get disappointed.

'With great power, there must also come great responsibility.' - May Parker (Spider-Man: No Way Home) Click To Tweet

Peter Parker: [after their MIT applications are rejected] This is so not fair. I mean, this is so not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong. And you guys definitely didn’t do anything wrong.
MJ: Expect disappointment, and you will never get disappointed.

MJ: [as she rips her MIT letter] You know what? I wouldn’t change a thing.
Ned Leeds: [rips his MIT letter] Me neither. Although, I could have just showed this letter to my parents.

Wong: The Sorcerer Supreme has high duties, yes.
Peter Parker: Wait, I thought you were the Sorcerer Supreme?
Doctor Strange: No. He got it on a technicality because I blipped for five years.
Peter Parker: Oh. Well, congratulations.
Doctor Strange: If I’d been here, then I’d…
Wong: Burn the place down.

Doctor Strange: So, Peter, to what do I owe the pleasure?
Peter Parker: Right. I’m really sorry to bother you, sir, but…
Doctor Strange: Please. We saved half the universe together. I think we’re beyond calling me “sir”.
Peter Parker: Okay. Stephen.
Doctor Strange: That feels weird, but I’ll allow it.

Peter Parker: When Mysterio revealed my identity, my entire life got screwed up. And I was wondering, I mean, I don’t even know if this would actually work. But I was wondering if maybe you could go back in time and make it so that he never did?
Doctor Strange: Peter, we tampered with the stability of spacetime to resurrect countless lives. You want to do it again now just because yours got messy?

'When you try to fix people, there are always consequences.' - Dr. Curt Connors (Spider-Man: No Way Home) Click To Tweet

Peter Parker: It’s not about me. I mean, this is really hurting a lot of people. My Aunt May, Happy. My best friend. My girlfriend. Their futures are ruined just because they know me, and they’ve done nothing wrong.
Doctor Strange: I am so sorry, but even if I wanted to, I don’t have the Time Stone anymore.
Peter Parker: That’s right. I’m really sorry if I wasted your time.
Doctor Strange: No, you didn’t.
Peter Parker: Just forget about it.
Wong: He will. He’s really good at forgetting things.

Doctor Strange: [referring to the runes of Cafkal] Oh, it’s just a standard spell of forgetting. Won’t turn back time, but at least people will forget that you were ever Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: Seriously?
Wong: No. Not seriously. That spell travels the dark borders between known and unknown reality. It’s too dangerous.
Doctor Strange: We’ve used it for a lot less. Do you remember the full moon party in Kamar-Taj?
Wong: No.
Doctor Strange: Exactly.

Peter Parker: So what is this place?
Doctor Strange: The Sanctum’s built at the intersection of cosmic energy currents. We were the first to seek them out. Some of these walls are thousands of years old. And they shot an episode of Equalizer here in the 80’s.

Doctor Strange: [as he’s starting to cast the spell] The entire world is about to forget that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Including me.
Peter Parker: Everyone? Can’t some people still know?
Doctor Strange: That’s not how the spell works, and very difficult and dangerous to change it mid-casting.

'Gods don't have to choose. We take.' - Norman Osborn (Spider-Man: No Way Home) Click To Tweet

Peter Parker: So my girlfriend is just going to forget about everything we’ve been through? I mean, is she even going to be my girlfriend?
Doctor Strange: That depends. Was she your girlfriend just because you’re Spider-Man, or…
Peter Parker: I don’t know. I really hope not.

Doctor Strange: Alright. Fine. Everyone in the world is going to forget that you’re Spider-Man, except your girlfriend.
Peter Parker: Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Ned. Ned!
Doctor Strange: What is a Ned?
Peter Parker: He’s my best friend, so it’s really important to me that Ned knows.
Doctor Strange: Okay. Let’s not change the parameters of the spell anymore while I’m casting it.
Peter Parker: Okay, I’m done. I’m done. I swear I’m done. I’m done.

Peter Parker: Yeah, but my Aunt May should really know.
Doctor Strange: Peter, stop tampering with the spell.
Peter Parker: Once she found out that I was Spider-Man, it was really messy, and I don’t think that I can go through with that again. So, my Aunt May?
Doctor Strange: Yes!
Peter Parker: Oh, thank you.

Peter Parker: Happy?
Doctor Strange: No. I am annoyed.
Peter Parker: No, it’s a nickname. Harold “Happy” Hogan.

Peter Parker: [to Strange as he’s casting the spell] Basically, everyone who knew that I was Spider-Man before, should still know!

Peter Parker: Did it work?
Doctor Strange: No. You changed my spell six times.
Peter Parker: Five times.
Doctor Strange: You changed my spell. You don’t do that! I told you, and that is why! That spell was completely out of control. If I hadn’t shut it down, something catastrophic could’ve happened.

Peter Parker: Stephen, listen, I am so sorry.
Doctor Strange: Call me sir.
Peter Parker: I’m sorry, sir.

See more Spider-Man: No Way Home Quotes

Doctor Strange: [to Peter] You know, after everything we’ve been through together, somehow I always forget, you’re just a kid. Look, part of the problem, it’s not Mysterio. It’s you trying to live two different lives. And the longer you do that, the more dangerous it becomes. Believe me.

Doctor Strange: I’m so sorry about, you and your friends, not getting into college. But if they rejected you, and you tried to convince them to reconsider, there is nothing else you can do.
Peter Parker: When you say “convince them”, you mean like, I could’ve called them?
Doctor Strange: Yeah.
Peter Parker: I can do that?
Doctor Strange: You haven’t called?

Doctor Strange: I’m sorry. Are you telling me, that you didn’t even think to plead your case with them first, before you asked me to brainwash the entire world?
Peter Parker: Well, I mean, when you put it like that, then…
[we see Peter outside the Sanctum Sanctorum as the doors shut firmly]

Dr. Otto Octavius: Hello, Peter.
Peter Parker: Do I know you?

Dr. Otto Octavius: You think your fancy new suit is going to save you? I should’ve killed your little girlfriend when I had the chance.
Peter Parker: [as Peter ejects his spider tentacles from his suit] What did you just say?
Dr. Otto Octavius: Looks like we got competition.

Dr. Otto Octavius: You’ve outdone yourself, Peter. I underestimated you. But now, you die.
Dr. Otto Octavius: [as Peter’s mask comes off] You’re not Peter Parker.
Peter Parker: I am so confused right now.

Peter Parker: [to Octavius] Until you stop trying to kill me, I’m in control, buddy, of this whole tentaclesituation you got going on here.

Doctor Strange: Be careful what you wish for, Parker.

Peter Parker: Can you please explain to me what is going on?
Doctor Strange: That little spell that you botched where you wanted everyone to forget that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, it started pulling in everyone who knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man, from every universe into this one.
Peter Parker: From every universe?

Dr. Otto Octavius: Who are you? Where am I?
Doctor Strange: I think it’s better if we don’t engage with him because, frankly, the multiverse is a concept about which we know frighteningly little.
Peter Parker: The multiverse is real?
Doctor Strange: This shouldn’t even be possible.

Peter Parker: But I thought you stopped the spell?
Doctor Strange: No, I contained it. But it would appear that a few of them squeaked through. After you left, I detected an otherworldly presence. I pursued it into the sewers, where I found that slimy, green, son of a gun.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Spell? As in magic? What is this, a birthday party? Who is this clown? What is this madness?

Peter Parker: You know a Peter Parker who is Spider-Man?
Dr. Otto Octavius: Yes.
Peter Parker: Is that him?
Dr. Otto Octavius: No.
Peter Parker: See?

Doctor Strange: [to Peter] I need you to capture them and bring them here, while I figure out how to get them back. Before they destroy the fabric of reality, or worse, Wong finds out.

Dr. Otto Octavius: [as Strange does some magic] How did you do that?
Doctor Strange: Lots of birthday parties.

Ned Leeds: I can’t believe I’m in the Sanctum Sanctorum!
Doctor Strange: Neither can I.

Ned Leeds: So, how did you know you’re a man of magic? Because, well, my nanna says that we have it in our family, and sometimes I get these tinglings in my hands.
Doctor Strange: You should talk to your physician.

Ned Leeds: So, how did the bad guys get here?
Doctor Strange: He screwed up a spell trying to get you into college.
MJ: Wait. What? I thought it was the MIT lady.
Ned Leeds: You did it with magic?
Peter Parker: No, that was after. Let’s just focus on the good news, okay?
Doctor Strange: No, let’s just focus on the bad news.

Doctor Strange: As of now, you have detected zero multiversal trespassers. So, get on your phones, scour the internet, and Scooby-Doo this s**t!
MJ: You’re telling us what to do, even though it was your spell, that got screwed up. Meaning that all of this is kind of your mess. You know, I know a couple of magic words myself, starting with the word “please”.
Doctor Strange: Please, Scooby-Doo this s**t.

MJ: I mean, I get it. You were just trying to fix things. And so, maybe just run it by us next time, you know? That way, when you’re thinking, “Hey, I’m about to do something that could break the universe,” we could like help you. Workshop something, or brainstorm ideas.
Peter Parker: Deal. Ned?
Ned Leeds: Oh, dude. I don’t care. And seriously, not a big deal.

Ned Leeds: Oh, a torture rack!
MJ: That is a pilates machine.

MJ: Okay, so we get the rest of the guys. You zap them, Doctor Magic will send them back. And when we get into MIT, round of stale donuts, my treat.
Ned Leeds: Let’s catch some multiverse men.

Peter Parker: I’m sorry. What was your name again?
Dr. Otto Octavius: Dr. Otto Octavius.
Peter Parker: [as he, MJ and Ned laugh] Wait. No, seriously. What’s your actual name?

Ned Leeds: [upon seeing Connors in his lizard form] Oh, is that a dinosaur?

Dr. Otto Octavius: It can’t be him.
MJ: Why?
Dr. Otto Octavius: Because Norman Osborn died years ago. So either we saw someone else, or you’re flying out into the darkness to fight a ghost.

Peter Parker: This is going to sound really crazy, but this isn’t your universe.
Max Dillon: Another universe?
Flint Marko: What?
Max Dillon: That’s what I was feeling. The power. It’s different. I like it.

Peter Parker: It’s actually my fault that you’re here.
Max Dillon: Like the universe? Or the woods? I hate the woods.
Peter Parker: I meant the universe, sir.
Max Dillon: So what? Y’all just going to stand here and act like I ain’t butt-a** naked?
Flint Marko: I am.

Dr. Otto Octavius: You know this creature?
Max Dillon: No, no, no, no. Not a creature. A man.
Ned Leeds: Oh, from the same universes.
Max Dillon: Dr. Curt Connors. He was a scientist in Oscorp when I worked there. A brilliant scientist. Till he turned himself into a lizard. Then he tried to turn the whole city into lizards. It was crazy.
Dr. Curt Connors: It wasn’t crazy, Max. It was the next step in human evolution.
Ned Leeds: The dinosaur can talk.
MJ: Lizard.
Ned Leeds: Right.

Dr. Curt Connors: Speaking of which, what happened to you? Last I recall, you had bad teeth, glasses and a comb-over. Did you get a makeover? You know I can give you a real makeover.
Max Dillon: Let me guess. Into a lizard?
Dr. Curt Connors: Exactly.

Flint Marko: Where are we?
Ned Leeds: It’s complicated.
MJ: A wizard’s dungeon.
Max Dillon: A wizard’s dungeon?
MJ: There’s no real way to sugarcoat that. It’s literally the dungeon of a wizard.

Ned Leeds: [to MJ, referring to Peter] Hey, ask him if this is like a tree monster, or like a scientist that turned into a tree.
Max Dillon: It’s just ree, man. That’s a tree.

Norman Osborn: I’m someone else. And everytime he’s in control, I can’t remember. And now, I’m here, in this place, in this city, and I don’t know what’s going on with me. It doesn’t make sense.

May Parker: [to Peter, referring to Osborn] He’s lost. And I don’t mean just in the cosmos. I mean in his mind. Are they all like this?
Peter Parker: Yeah. Well, I mean they all have their own, mental or physical issues.
May Parker: Well, he needs help, but maybe they all do.

Peter Parker: Their chance of getting help is way better back where they came from. Sending them home, That’s the best thing that we can do for them.
May Parker: For them? Or for yourself? Look around you. This is what we do. We help people.
Peter Parker: This is what’s best for them. Trust me.

Peter Parker: Dr. Osborn, these are my friends. This Ned and MJ.
Norman Osborn: Mary Jane?
MJ: It’s Michelle Jones, actually.
Norman Osborn: Fascinating.

Ned Leeds: Do you think there are other Ned Leedses?

Dr. Otto Octavius: You’re the walking corpse.
Norman Osborn: What do you mean?
Dr. Otto Octavius: You died, Norman. Years ago.
Norman Osborn: You’re insane.

Peter Parker: Strange, we can’t send them back. Not yet.
Doctor Strange: Why?
Peter Parker: Some of these guys are going to die.
Doctor Strange: Parker, it’s their fate.
Peter Parker: Come on, Strange. Have a heart.
Doctor Strange: In the grand calculus of the multiverse, their sacrifice means infinitely more than their lives. I’m sorry, kid. If they die, they die.

Doctor Strange: [as Peter takes the boxed spell] This is why I never had kids.

Peter Parker: Oh, my God! I’m dead.
Doctor Strange: You’re not dead. You’ve just been separated from your physical form.
Peter Parker: My physical… What?!

Peter Parker: [to Strange, after he gets back into his body] That might be one of the coolest things that’s ever happened to me. But don’t ever do that again.

Doctor Strange: Parker, don’t you realize that in the multiverse, there are an infinite number of people who know Peter Parker is Spider-Man. And if that spell gets loose, they’re all coming here!
Peter Parker: Look, I know. I get it. But we can’t just send them home to die.
Doctor Strange: It’s their fate. You can’t change that anymore than you can change who they are.
Peter Parker: But what if we could? What if we can change their fate?

Peter Parker: [as he’s trapping Strang in the Mirror Dimension] Hey, Strange. You know what’s cooler than magic? Math.
Doctor Strange: Don’t do this.
Doctor Strange: [as Peter takes his Sling Ring] Ow.
Peter Parker: I’m sorry, sir, but I have to try.

Ned Leeds: Dude, what happened?
Peter Parker: I just had a fight with Doctor Strange, and I totally won!

Dr. Otto Octavius: [to Peter] You could’ve just left us to die. Why didn’t you?
MJ: Because that’s not who he is.

Peter Parker: I think I can help you guys. If I can fix what happened to you, then when you go back, things will be different, and you might not die fighting Spider-Man.
Max Dillon: What do you mean?
Peter Parker: Look, our technology is advanced.
Norman Osborn: I can help you. You know, I’m something of a scientist myself.

Dr. Otto Octavius: Fix? You mean like a dog? I refuse.
Peter Parker: I can’t promise you guys anything, but at least this way, we actually get to go home and have a chance. A second chance. I mean, come on. Isn’t that worth trying?

Dr. Curt Connors: Trust me, Peter. When you try to fix people, there are always consequences.
Peter Parker: I mean, you don’t have to come. I also didn’t know that you could talk. But if you stay here, you’re going to have to deal with the wizard.
Dr. Curt Connors: Ah. So, we go along, or die. Not much of a choice, is it?
Flint Marko: I just want to go home.
Max Dillon: Well, I myself don’t want to be killed, especially by a guy dressed like Dungeons & Dragons.

MJ: But, Peter, I swear, if I don’t hear from you, I’m pressing the button.
Peter Parker: Sure.
MJ: Okay. And I will do it!
Max Dillon: Yeah, we all believe you, Michelle.
Dr. Curt Connors: No way that’s his girlfriend. No way.

Dr. Otto Octavius: So this is your plan, Peter? Hm? No lab, no facilities, just performing miracles in a condominium? What, you’re going to cook up some churros, and some frozen burritos in a microwave?
Norman Osborn: I could go for a burrito.
Dr. Otto Octavius: He’s going to kill us all.
Peter Parker: Well, let’s hope not.

Peter Parker: You’re up first, Doc.
Dr. Otto Octavius: What? Hey, I told you. I don’t need fixing. I don’t need fixing! Especially by a teenager using scraps from a bachelor’s junk drawer.

Norman Osborn: What the hell is that?
Peter Parker: It’s a fabricator. It can analyze, design, construct basically anything.
May Parker: I thought that was a tanning bed Happy broke.

Peter Parker: [referring to Octavius] So rather than him being in control of the tentacles, the tentacles are now in control of him. Which, I guess explains why he is so miserable all the time.

May Parker: Thirsty?
Dr. Otto Octavius: Well, yes. I am thirsty.
May Parker: Fresh water or salt? You know, because you’re an octopus.
Dr. Otto Octavius: What?
May Parker: Fresh water it is.

Max Dillon: Look at this place, and all the possibilities.
Flint Marko: What? This condo?
Max Dillon: Yeah. Yeah, the condo. I love the whole overfloor plan. No! No, man. I’m talking about the world.

Max Dillon: The place where I worked at, they were experimenting with electricity created by living organisms, and then I fell into a vat of electric eels.
Flint Marko: You’re kidding. I fell into a supercollider.
Max Dillon: Damn. Got to be careful where you fall.

Norman Osborn: [to Peter] Remarkable. The technology and you. When all this is over, if you need a job, and you’re willing to commute to another universe.

Dr. Otto Octavius: All of these humiliations never cease. You! Keep your science fair project away from me!
Norman Osborn: Hey, it will work. Have faith.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Says the reckless fool who turned himself into a monster.

Peter Parker: This is Peter. Leave a message.
Happy Hogan: Yeah, Peter, this is Happy. I accessed my doorbell camera. Who are those guys, huh? Is that a cyborg? Did you bring a cyborg with robot legs into my house? One of the guys was made of mud? What’s going on? Call me back.

Norman Osborn: [to Peter] That’s some neat trick. That sense of yours.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Norman?
Norman Osborn: Norman’s on sabbatical.
Max Dillon: What the hell?
Peter Parker: Goblin.
Norman Osborn: No more darker half? Did you really think that I’d let that happen? That I’d let you take away my power just because you’re blind to what true power can bring you?
Peter Parker: You don’t know me.
Norman Osborn: Don’t I?

Norman Osborn: [to Peter] We don’t need you to save us. We don’t need to be fixed! These are not curses. They’re gifts.

Norman Osborn: [to Peter] I watched you from deep behind Norman’s cowardly eyes. Struggling, to have everything you want, while the world tries to make you choose. Gods don’t have to choose. We take.

Norman Osborn: [to Peter] Strong enough to have it all. Too weak to take it!

Norman Osborn: Your weakness, Peter, is morality. It’s choking you. Can you feel it?

Norman Osborn: [to Peter] Norman was right. He got it from you. That pathetic sickness! You tried to fix me. Now, I’m going to fix you.

Norman Osborn: Peter, Peter, Peter. No good deed goes unpunished. You can thank me later.

Peter Parker: This is all my fault, May. I should’ve just listened to Strange and let him send them back.
May Parker: You did the right thing. They would have been killed. You did the right thing.

May Parker: You listen to me. You have a gift. You have power. And with great power, there must also come great responsibility. Hm?
Peter Parker: Yeah. I know.
[after which May dies from the mortal would Osoborn gave her]

J. Jonah Jameson: Tragedy. What else can I call it? What more need be said? The damage. The destruction. You saw it with your own eyes. When will people wake up, and realize that everywhere Spider-Man goes, chaos and calamity ensue. Everything Spider-Man touches comes to ruin. And we, the innocents, are left to pick up the pieces. J. Jonah Jameson, reporting. Good night. And God help us all.

MJ: Who the hell are you?
Peter Parker #3: I’m Peter Parker.
MJ: That’s not possible.
Peter Parker #3: I am Spider-Man. In my world. But then, yesterday? I was just here.

Peter Parker #3: String theory. Multidimensional reality. And matter displacement. All real?
MJ, Ned: Yeah.
Peter Parker #3: Knew it!

MJ: Prove it.
Peter Parker #3: Prove what?
MJ: That you’re Peter Parker.
Peter Parker #3: I don’t carry an ID with me, you know? Kind of defeats the whole anonymous superhero thing?

Peter Parker #3: [as MJ throws a bread at him] Why did you do that?
MJ: To see if you have the tingle thing.
Peter Parker #3: I have the tingle thing, just not from bread. Can you not throw the bread again? You’re a deeply mistrusting person. And I respect it.

Ned Leeds: So, I opened the wrong portal to the wrong Peter Parker.
MJ: Yeah, I guess you just keep doing it until you find the real one.
Peter Parker #3: Ouch.
MJ: No offense.

Ned Leeds: So you’re Spider-Man too? Why didn’t you just say that?
Peter Parker #2: I generally don’t go around advertising it. Kind of defeats the whole anonymous superhero thing.
Peter Parker #3: That’s what I just said.
MJ: That’s what he just said.

Peter Parker #2: This might seem kind of weird, but I’ve been trying to find your friend ever since I got here. I just had this sense that he needs my help.
Peter Parker #3: Our help.
MJ: He does.
Ned Leeds: We don’t know where he is.
MJ: And, honestly, right now, we’re all he really has left.

Peter Parker #2: Well, is there some place, that he might go that has meaning to him? Like a a place where he would go to just…
Peter Parker #3: Get away from everything?
Peter Parker #2: For me, it was the top of the Chrysler Building.
Peter Parker #3: Empire State. Just a better view.
Peter Parker #2: That is a sweet view.

Peter Parker #2: Sorry. About May.
Peter Parker #3: Yeah. Sorry. I got some understanding of what it is you’re…
Peter Parker: No, please don’t tell me that you know what I’m going through.
Peter Parker #3: Okay.
Peter Parker: She’s gone. It’s all my fault. She died for nothing. So I’m going to do what I should’ve done in the first place.

Peter Parker: You don’t belong here. Either of you, so I’m sending you home. Those other guys are from your worlds, right? So you deal with it. If they die, if you kill them, that’s on you. It’s not my problem. I don’t care anymore. I’m done. I’m really sorry that I dragged you into this. But you have to go home now. Good luck.

Peter Parker #2: My Uncle Ben was killed. It was my fault.
Peter Parker #3: I lost Gwen. She was my MJ. I couldn’t save her. I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for that. But I carried on. Tried to keep going. Tried to keep being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, because I know that’s what she would have wanted. But at some point, I just, I stopped pulling my punches. I got rageful. I got bitter. I just don’t want you, to end up like me.

Peter Parker #2: The night Ben died, I hunted down the man who I thought did it. I wanted him dead. I got what I wanted. It didn’t make it better. It took me a long time to learn to get through that darkness.

Peter Parker: I want to kill him. I want to tear him apart. I can still hear her voice in my head. Even after she was hurt, she said to me that we did the right thing. She told me that with great power…
Peter Parker #2: Comes great responsibility.
Peter Parker: Wait. What? How do you know that?
Peter Parker #3: Uncle Ben said it.
Peter Parker #2: The day he died. Maybe she didn’t die for nothing, Peter.

Ned Leeds: So, do you have a best friend too?
Peter Parker #2: I did.
Ned Leeds: You did?
Peter Parker #2: He died in my arms, after he tried to kill me. It was heartbreaking.

Peter Parker #2: You have someone?
Peter Parker #3: No. I got no time for Peter Parker stuff. You know? Do you?
Peter Parker #2: It’s a little complicated.
Peter Parker #3: Oh, I understand. I guess it’s just not in the cards for guys like us.
Peter Parker #2: Well, I wouldn’t give up. It took a while, but we made it work.
Peter Parker #3: Yeah?
Peter Parker #2: Yeah. Me and MJ. My MJ. It gets confusing, huh?

Ned Leeds: Peter?
All Peters: Yeah? Oh, sorry. You mean…
Ned Leeds: Peter-Peter.
All Peters: We’re all called Peter, Ned.
Ned Leeds: Peter Parker?
All Peters: Same. We’re all Peter Parker.

Peter Parker #3: [to Peter #2] So, what, are you going to go into battle dressed as a cool, youth pastor, or do you got your suit?
[Peter #2 reveals his suit under his clothes]

Ned Leeds: Dude, I got Doctor Strange magic.
Peter Parker: What?
Ned Leeds: Yeah! And I promise you, I won’t turn into a supervillain and try to kill you.

MJ: We’re going to kick some a**.
Peter Parker: Okay.
Peter Parker #2: Cure. Cure some a**.
Ned Leeds: Cure that a**.

Peter Parker: Truth is, that this is all my fault. I accidentally brought those dangerous people here.
J. Jonah Jameson: Well, he admits it!
Peter Parker: And if those people are watching, just know that I really did try to help you. I man, I could’ve killed you, at any given moment. But I didn’t. Because my Aunt May taught me that everyone deserves a second chance. And that’s why I’m here.

Peter Parker: The world, if you’re watching…
J. Jonah Jameson: Believe me, the world is watching.
Peter Parker: Wish me luck. Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man could really use some.

Peter Parker #3: You know, Max was like the sweetest guy ever. Before he fell into a pool of electric eels.
Peter Parker #2: That’ll do it.

Peter Parker #3: You okay?
Peter Parker #2: Oh, it’s my back. It’s kind of stiff from all the swinging, I guess.
Peter Parker #3: Oh, yeah. No, I got a middle back pain too.
Peter Parker #2: Really?
Peter Parker #3: Yeah. You want me to crack it?
Peter Parker #2: Yeah. That would be great.

Peter Parker: It’s just that we can’t do that, so naturally we’re curious as to how your web situation works. That’s all.
Peter Parker #3: If it’s personal, I don’t want to like pry. I just think it’s cool.
Peter Parker #2: No. I wish I could tell you, but it’s like, I don’t do it. Like I don’t do breathing. Like breathing just happens.
Peter Parker: Like, does it just come out of your wrists, or does it come out of anywhere else?
Peter Parker #2: Only the wrists.

Peter Parker #2: I had a web block.
Peter Parker #3: Why?
Peter Parker #2: Existential crisis stuff.
Peter Parker #3: Yeah. I mean, like don’t get me started on that.

Peter Parker: What are like, some of the craziest villains that you guys have fought?
Peter Parker #2: Seems you’ve met some of them.

Peter Parker #2: I fought an alien made out of black goo once.
Peter Parker: Oh, no way! I fought an alien too. On Earth and in space. Yeah. He was purple.
Peter Parker #3: I want to fight an alien.
Peter Parker #2: I’m still like that you fought an alien in Space.

Peter Parker #3: I’m lame. Like I fought a Russian guy in a, like a rhinoceros machine.
Peter Parker #2: Hey, can we rewind it back to the “I’m lame” part? Because, you are not.
Peter Parker #3: Oh, thanks. No. Yeah, I appreciate it. I’m not saying I’m lame. I’m just saying like…
Peter Parker #2: Is this the self-talk, maybe we should, you know?

Peter Parker #2: You are amazing.
Peter Parker #3: Thank you.
Peter Parker #2: Will you say it?
Peter Parker #3: No, I kind of needed to hear that. Thank you.

Max Dillon: Look who showed up! Our old friend Spider-Man.
Peter Parker #3: I’m trying to save you, Max. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Max Dillon: You’re not trying to save me.
Peter Parker #3: I am.
Max Dillon: You ain’t even the s**t no more. Don’t worry about me. I’ll save myself.

Peter Parker #3: What the hell is going on out there? I kept yelling at you, “Peter-Two 2. Peter-Two.”
Peter Parker #2: I know, but I thought you’re Peter-Two?
Peter Parker #3: What? I’m not Peter-Two.
Peter Parker: Stop arguing, the both of you! Listen to Peter-One. Look, we’re clearly not very good at this!
Peter Parker #3: I know, I know. We suck.

Peter Parker #3: I don’t know how to work as a team.
Peter Parker #2: Me neither.
Peter Parker: Well I do. I have been in a team, okay? I don’t want to brag, but I will. I was in the Avengers.
Peter Parker #2: The Avengers?

Peter Parker #2: What is that?
Peter Parker: Wait, you don’t have the Avengers?
Peter Parker #3: Is that a band? Are you in a band?
Peter Parker: No, I’m not in a band! No, the Avengers is Earth’s Mightiest…
Peter Parker #2: How is this helping?!
Peter Parker: Look, it’s not important. All we got to do is focus, trust your tingle, and coordinate our attacks, okay?

Peter Parker: Alright, let’s do this.
Peter Parker #3: No. Wait, wait, wait, wait! I love you guys.
Peters: [awkwardly] Thank you.

Max Dillon: I’m back to being a nobody.
Peter Parker #3: You were never a nobody, Max.
Max Dillon: Yes, I was. Yes, I was. You didn’t see me.

Max Dillon: Can I tell you something?
Peter Parker #3: Yeah.
Max Dillon: You got a nice face. You’re just a kid. You’re from Queens. You got that suit. You’re helping poor people. I just thought you was going to be black.
Peter Parker #3: Oh, man. I’m sorry.
Max Dillon: There’s got to be a black Spider-Man somewhere out there.

Dr. Otto Octavius: Peter?
Peter Parker #2: Otto.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Oh, it’s good to see you, dear boy.
Peter Parker #2: It’s good to see you.
Dr. Otto Octavius: You’re all grown up. How are you?
Peter Parker #2: Trying to do better.

Peter Parker: These are my new friends. This is Peter Parker. He’s Peter Parker. Spider-Man, Spider-Man. They’re mes from other universes. They’re here to help. This is the wizard that I was telling you about.
Doctor Strange: Look, I am really impressed that you managed to give them all a second chance, kid. But this has to end, now.

Norman Osborn: Poor Peter. Too weak to send me home to die.
Peter Parker: I just want to kill you myself.
Norman Osborn: Attaboy.

Peter Parker: What’s happening?
Doctor Strange: They’re starting to come through, and I can’t stop them!
Peter Parker: There’s got to be something we can do. Can’t you just cast a spell again? Like the original way, before I screwed it up.
Doctor Strange: We’re too late for that. They’re here. They’re here because of you!

Peter Parker: What if everyone forgot who I was?
Doctor Strange: What?
Peter Parker: They’re coming here because of me, right? Because I’m Peter Parker? So cast a new spell. But this time, make everyone forget who Peter Parker is. Make everyone forget me.
Doctor Strange: No.

Doctor Strange: But you got to understand, that would mean that everyone who knows and loves you, we’d have no memory of you. It’ll be as though you never existed.
Peter Parker: I know. Do it.

Peter Parker: Thank you, sir.
Doctor Strange: Call me Stephen.
Peter Parker: Thank you, Stephen.
Doctor Strange: Yeah. Still feels weird.

Peter Parker: I want you to know that I…
Peter Parker #2: We know. It’s what we do.
Peter Parker: Yeah. It’s what we do. Right. I got to find Ned and MJ.
Peter Parker: [hugs the other Peters] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I guess I’ll see you.

Peter Parker #3: [as they watch Peter leave] You’re in so much pain, huh?
Peter Parker #2: I am.
Peter Parker #3: Yeah.

Peter Parker: You’re going to forget who I am.
Ned Leeds: What?
MJ: Peter, what are you talking about?
Peter Parker: It’s okay. I’m going to come and find you, and I’ll explain everything. I’ll make you remember me. It’ll be like none of this ever happened. Okay?
MJ: But what if that doesn’t work? What if that doesn’t work? What if we can’t remember you? I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that.
Peter Parker: I know. MJ, I know.

Peter Parker: I promise I’ll fix this.
MJ: I really hate magic.
Peter Parker: Yeah. Me too.
MJ: I love you.
Peter Parker: I love you.
MJ: Swear that you will tell me if we meet again.
Peter Parker: I swear.

J. Jonah Jameson: [after Strange’s spell returns everyone to their universes] It’s been a few weeks since the fiasco on the Statue of Liberty, and Spider-Man’s cultists continue to contend that the vile vigilante is a hero. But if he were a hero, he’d unmask himself and tell us who he really is. Because only a coward conceals his identity. Only a coward hides his true intentions.

Peter Parker: Are you excited for MIT?
MJ: Right. Yeah. Yeah, actually I am excited, which is weird, because I don’t really get excited about things. I kind of expect disappointment.
Peter Parker: Because then you’d never actually be disappointed. Right?
MJ: Yeah. Right.
[Peter then decides not to tell her or Ned the truth about himself]

Happy Hogan: [at May’s grave] How do you know her?
Peter Parker: Through Spider-Man. You?
Happy Hogan: Same. I lost a good friend a while back. It felt like this. Hurts because they’re gone, and then it hurts all over again because you remember what they stood for, and you wonder, is all that gone too?
Peter Parker: No, it’s not gone. Everybody she helped, they’ll keep it going.
Happy Hogan: You really think so?
Peter Parker: I know it. Take care of yourself, okay?
Happy Hogan: Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Eddie Brock: [mid-credits lines] Okay, I think I got this. You’re saying that this whole place here, it’s just tons of Superpeople.
Venom: And he has been saying it for hours.
Eddie Brock: Alright, tell me again. I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. There was a billionaire. He had a tin suit, and he could fly. Right? Okay. And there was a really angry green man.
Bartender: Hulk.
Eddie Brock: Hulk.
Venom: And you thought Lethal Protector was a s**t name.
Eddie Brock: Yeah, because it is.

Eddie Brock: [mid-credits lines] Now, tell me again about your purple alien that loves stones. Because I’ll tell you what, man. Aliens, they do not love stones.
Venom: Eddie, don’t start!
Eddie Brock: No. They do not love stones. You know what aliens love? Eating brains! Because that’s what they do. Alright?
Bartender: Senor, he made my family disappear, for five years.
Eddie Brock: Five years? That’s a long time. I mean, maybe I should go to New York and speak to this, Spider-Man.
Venom: Eddie! We are drunk! Let’s go skinny-dip!
Eddie Brock: I don’t think we should skinny-dip.
Bartender: Sir, you have to pay the bill.
Venom: What is happening? No!
[Eddie is returned to his universe, leaving a part of the symbiote behind]

Bartender: [mid-credits lines, after Eddie disappears] And there he goes. Without paying the bill, no tips, nothing.

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