Spirited (2022) Best Movie Quotes on Apple TV+

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Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Will Ferrell, Octavia Spencer, Sunita Mani, Patrick Page, Aimee Carrero, Joe Tippett

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Apple TV+ Christmas musical directed and co-written by Sean Anders. Spirited (2022) is a modern retelling of Charles Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol” which follows Clint Briggs (Ryan Reynolds), a younger, funnier version of the old, crotchety Ebenezer Scrooge, who turns the tables and reexamines Ghost of Christmas Present’s (Will Ferrell) past, present and future.

Our Favorite Quotes:

'Maybe there's no magical quick fix. Maybe you got to put in the work. You got to wake up each day, get out of bed, and decide, “How about today I don't wish anyone a good afternoon?”' - Clint Briggs (Spirited) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

Present: Do people really change? I mean, real, lasting, positive change. I sure hope so, because we are in the business of change.

Present: And these are my colleagues, The Ghost of Christmas Past, Christmas Yet-to-Come. And that’s me. Mr. Brad Pitt. No. No, I’m kidding. I’m The Ghost of Christmas Present. I’m not Brad Pitt.

Present: So, you think she changed?
Past: I mean, I don’t know. This one was a serious tight-a**.
Yet-to-Come: Of course she’s changed. I brought her face to face with her mortality, and that’s when I close the deal every time.
Past: Anyone can point to a headstone. Everyone agrees with me.
Present: Guys, please.
Yet-to-Come: You know what? I do way more than just point at it. That hurts me.

HR Ghost (Margo): New recruits, I know you’re freshly dead, but let’s look alive.

Present: So, that’s what we do. We haunt someone, change them into a better person, and then we sing about it.

Recruit Guy: Why are they singing?
HR Ghost (Margo): Oh, because this is a musical.
Recruit Guy: What is?
HR Ghost (Margo): All of this. The afterlife.

Recruit Guy #2: Hey, does somebody clear out our search history after we die?

Present: Maybe I buy a quaint little house on a quiet street. I meet a nice gal, and we get married, and start a family. And then, at the end of each day after work, we have a loving embrace and one of those newfangled, modern mouth kisses. That’d be nice.

'People will believe anything if they want to believe it.' - Clint Briggs (Spirited) Click To Tweet

Present: And there’s me in the backyard goofing around with my two kids, who share the same first initial. Little Rebecca, and her brother, Reggie, or Robert, or Rar… I don’t know. I’ll think of a good R name.

Mr. Alteli: No one cares what your name is, and no one should have a mustache on their lip and forehead.

Marley: [referring to Alteli] Abusive, stingy, self-centered.
Past: I like that he goes against the Canadian stereotype.
Yet-to-Come: Yeah. It’s weird to see a Canadian without mittens.
Present: I mean, yeah. He’s an absolute turd in a suit.

Clint Briggs: Outrage is a drug.

Clint Briggs: Have people changed? Now, that’s the good news. People never change.

Present: [referring to Clint] He’s like the perfect combination of Mussolini and Seacrest.

Communications Ghost: Clint’s company specializes in creating controversy, conflict, and disinformation for the benefit of his clients worldwide.
Present: Oh, my God. He’s perfect.

Present: [referring to Clint] So persuasive. Kind of makes you want to push an old lady down a flight of stairs.

Present: [referring to Clint] Jacob, the guy causes division for a job. And he’s…
Past: Insanely hot. Is that not what you were going to say? What? I’ve been dead for forty years, and I’m not made of wood. The man’s attractive.
Present: No, he’s smoking hot.
Past: Smoking hot.
Present: And more importantly, he’s got his hands all over everything.
Past: Yeah. I wish. Maude, are you texting HR?
Maude: No.

'This inner turmoil. Let that get in you. This where real change begins.' - Present (Spirited) Click To Tweet

Present: I can’t explain it, but if I could just change this guy, maybe I’ll…
Marley: What? Maybe you’ll what? Oh, no. No. There’s no need for a whole big number here. No. No spotlight. Gary, kill the spot…
[Present starts singing]

Marley: [to Present] Redeeming an unredeemable is nearly impossible. But if you’ll promise to stop singing, you can have your perp.

Present: See, it’s a documented fact that one person’s kindness can have a ripple effect. Spreading goodwill like a pandemic. No. Scratch that. Sorry. You know, like, you know when people at a football stadium do the wave? Like that. More like that.

Kimberly: I’ll just go tell your late sister’s only kid you’re too busy.
Clint Briggs: Top-notch guilt trip, Kimberly. The way you emphasize “late”. Proud of you.

Clint Briggs: Please hold your indignation, because it’s going to get worse.

'Our choices make us who we are.' - Present (Spirited) Click To Tweet

Clint Briggs: [to Kimberly] You found something good, didn’t you? See, you can always tell by the self-loathing expression on her face.

Kimberly: It’s official. I’m a terrible person.
Present: No, you’re not.
Kimberly: Excuse me?
Yet-to-Come: [to Present] What? Can she see you right now?

Present: I’m The Ghost of Christmas Present. Yeah, we’ll be haunting him this Christmas, in hopes we can change him into being a more positive force for humanity.
Kimberly: [laughs] Clint?

Kimberly: I’m Kimberly.
Present: Roberto. C. Fishman. Pratt. Roberto C. Fishman Pratt.

Past: [referring to Kimberly] You know, I think deep down, you wanted her to see you because you’re into her.
Present: I’m not into her.
Past: Roberto C. Fishman Pratt?
Present: Okay, it’s a bad name!
Past: It’s too many names.

'Your sacrifice would have no meaning if it had no consequence.' - Marley (Spirited) Click To Tweet

Marley: This chain I forged in life is girded of my own free will. Link by link with each soul I made to suffer.
Clint Briggs: Very, very, very, very, very convincing.

Marley: Feel my chain!
Clint Briggs: Ew. Can I not?

Clint Briggs: You said, “Past, present, future.” Like A Christmas Carol? The Dickens story? The Bill Murray movie with Bobcat Goldthwait?
Marley: Yes. Yes. Like the Dickens book, and the Bill Murray movie, and every other adaptation nobody asked for.

Clint Briggs: So out of all the people on the planet, murderers, racists, people who do gender reveal parties, I’m the guy you’re going to haunt?
Marley: If you would shut up and let me finish, you might understand…
Clint Briggs: Yes, sir.
Marley: You know what? Forget it. It’s not worth the trouble. Three ghosts coming to save you. Bit more consideration for them than you did for me maybe, yeah?
Clint Briggs: Noted.

See more Spirited Quotes

Marley: [referring to Clint] I told you. The guy is a level twenty pain in the a**.

Past: Hello, Mr. Briggs. I’m The Ghost of Christmas Past. Your past.
Clint Briggs: Hi. Wow. Good. Good. You’re not what I was expecting.
Past: No? How so?
Clint Briggs: I mean, you’re lovely.
Past: Yeah, I know. But still, it is nice to hear it.
Clint Briggs: I bet.

Clint Briggs: Would you mind if I have a quick shower? I just would love to freshen up a skosh…
Past: Shower? Right now?
Clint Briggs: The last ghost was a little musky, and I touched his chain. Ew.
Past: Yeah. Then definitely. You should shower if you’re feeling dirty.

Yet-to-Come: I’ve got some catchphrases I want to try out. Check these out. “Welcome to the bone zone.” “Bone appetit.” Ha! Or my favorite, “You’ve been Christmas Caroled, b**ch.”

Past: It’s been a very long time since anyone’s tried to get up in my beeswax. So, Mama did something for herself for a change.
Present: Okay. Well, did Mama consider the stakes? He’s an unredeemable!
Past: He redeemed himself a little bit.
Yet-to-Come: Good for you!
Past: Just saying.

Present: I’m your Ghost of Christmas Present.
Clint Briggs: Present? What are you doing in my past? See? Dream.
Present: Well, your haunt got off to a bit of a “humpy” start.
Clint Briggs: Yes, it did.
Present: So, I will be handling both past and present this evening.

Present: [as Clint leaves] Hey, I’m haunting you! You can’t just run away from me when I’m haunting you. Hello?

Clint Briggs: [as they’re watching a moment from his past] That was the single best Christmas gift that she or anyone else has ever given me.
Present: Hold on. A lie about a non-existent puppy?
Clint Briggs: No. The solid-gold lesson that people will believe anything if they want to believe it.

Clint Briggs: [to his mother] Oh, good, you’re drunk. Well, it’s 8:00 AM somewhere.

Clint Briggs: La, la, la, la. I’m not watching your dramatic re-encrapment until you tell me something about you.
Present: You’re acting like a child.
Clint Briggs: I can’t hear you.
Present: It’s not crappy either. It’s very accurate.

Present: I’ll answer one question about me.
Clint Briggs: Okay, five questions.
Present: Two.
Clint Briggs: Eight. Final offer. But we’ll close at three. Okay.

Present: I have never once had to put up with this level of bulls**t from a perp.
Clint Briggs: A perp?
Present: We are walking around in your past. Most people are too freaked out to crawl up my a** with a bunch of stupid, irrelevant questions. Stop it. Shut your dumb face and just watch the scene.

Past: I know this is going to sound weird, but trust me, it’s strictly business.
Present: What?
Past: [referring to Clint] Can you smell his hair and describe it to me?
Present: No.

Clint Briggs: Do I regret saying, “Bob’s your uncle”? Yeah, I do. But I made the choice, and I got to live with it.

Present: I’m done d**king around with you, pal.
Clint Briggs: Wow, sugar mouth.

Clint Briggs: What are all these pictures of my executive VP doing up here?
Present: Just, you know, research.
Clint Briggs: [referring to the photo of Kimberly] Did you Photoshop yourself into this one?
Present: Did I? I don’t think so.
Clint Briggs: You did.

Present: I really believe you can be a positive force for mankind.
Clint Briggs: Oh, like you? How’s that going for you? You’ve been at this two hundred years. Is mankind getting any man-kinder? More genial? United? Hmm? Want to know what mankind really is? Read the comments below. That’s who we really are. And you know what, I accept that. Because I got to live in it, pal. I don’t have the luxury of sitting up here, judging everybody like some kind of cosmic social worker.

Clint Briggs: What’s with the dramatic look? Do you think I’m going to be all intrigued by what’s behind the door? Forget it.
Present: Not even a little bit curious?
Clint Briggs: Actually, no. I’m really not.

Clint Briggs: [to Present] So you’re telling me the Dickens story is based on you?

Clint Briggs: Okay, yes. You were a huge d**k. Wow.
Present: The only other unredeemable to go through the program. So I do understand the weight you carry. Sooner or later, it becomes unbearable.

Clint Briggs: [referring to the beer in the 1800s] That is man pi**.
Present: Isn’t that nice?
Clint Briggs: It’s warm. It’s almost hot.
Present: It’s perfect.

Clint Briggs: I just want to fully understand this. You were Scrooge. The ghost changed you, but you never relapsed. The rest of your life, not one single humbug ever again.
Present: The rest of my life.
Clint Briggs: How long was it? The rest of your life, I mean.
Present: Roughly three and a half weeks.

Clint Briggs: What finally did it? Like what got you?
Present: Nothing fancy. The leading cause of death back then was January.

Clint Briggs: Hey, why did all those people get offended? You know, when you said, “Good afternoon?”
Present: Oh. Well, in the 1800s, “good afternoon” was a sick burn.
Clint Briggs: No.
Present: Yes. More or less meant “F you”.
Clint Briggs: Really?
Present: Extremely graphic.

Clint Briggs: Wait. Was that Judi Dench?
Present: Oh, my God. She’s a national treasure. I love her in everything.

Present: [after tap dancing together] How did you know all that?
Clint Briggs: I didn’t know. I was just following you.
Present: You were following me?
Clint Briggs: Yeah.
Present: Oh. I messed up in the middle there.
Clint Briggs: Yeah. Tap is new for me. It’s a very expressive medium.

Present: I am The Ghost of Christmas Present.
Clint Briggs: Your boss chews you out, and now you’re going full Dickens on me?
Present: Look, I got to go by the book now.

Clint Briggs: Where does a ghost retire to?
Present: For the last time, Mr. Briggs, this isn’t about me.
Clint Briggs: Now we’re back to Mr. Briggs and a perp. You know what, I’m going to get back to my guests. And you can stay up here in your giant toilet of food.

Charlie: Have you tried telling him about your personal life? See how long it takes for his eyes to glaze over.
Clint Briggs: [as they’re watching his colleagues] Oh, my God. They’re s**t-whispering me.
Present: Yes, they are s**t-whispering you.

Clint Briggs: What’s good?
Present: This inner turmoil. Let that get in you. Come on. This where real change begins.

Owen: Bad news, Carrie. They were out of vegan stuff downstairs so I just got you a chicken noodle. But I picked out all the chicken bits, so it should be good.

Clint Briggs: [as they’re hugging] Ease up. That’s enough. You’re going to get ectoplasm all over me.
Present: Alright. Your final ghost will be right with you. Now, he’s a little imposing. Doesn’t say much. Mostly points at stuff.

Present: Clint, how many times do I have to tell you? It’s not about me.
Clint Briggs: Oh. Oh, well, then good afternoon.
Present: Uh-uh. Oh, no. You know I find that triggering.
Clint Briggs: That’s why I said it.
Present: You take that down a notch.

Clint Briggs: [to Present] Who are you to tell anyone how to live their life when you’re busy running away from your own?

Clint Briggs: Doesn’t matter how many people you change, no matter how much good you do. You still don’t know the answer.
Marley: The answer to what?
Present: [singing] Am I forever unredeemable?

Present: [as Clint is itching his back] Ah, that feels so good. I forgot what it’s like to scratch an itch.
Clint Briggs: I forgot what it was like to feel this way about my hand.

Present: [as he’s showering] Can I do this every month?
Clint Briggs: Sure.
Present: Look out, New York City. This guy showers once a month!

Present: [to the man dressed as Elf] You look stupid.
Elf Partygoer: You look stupid.

Present: Look, I think I made a big mistake, okay? I’m not ready for any of this. I used way too much water in the shower. I mean, is that who I am here? The guy who hogs all the hot water?

Present: [to Clint] When I found out you were unredeemable, like me, I thought, “If I can change this guy, maybe there’s hope for me too.”

Kimberly: You’re back. And in a boldly tight suit.
Present: Yeah. It is a little snug.
Kimberly: No. I like it. It’s kind of a Euro-fit. And I like it on you.
Present: Yeah. Yeah, it is a Euro-fit, because I buy all my clothes in Germany.

Present: Would you want to go somewhere, and maybe, I don’t… No. You don’t even have to answer.
Kimberly: No, I would love to. Yeah. I would love to.
Present: Oh, great. Really?
Kimberly: Totally. I love “somewhere”.
Present: Yeah, me too. Oh, my gosh.

Present: Our choices make us who we are, don’t they?
Kimberly: Yeah. Guess they do.

Clint Briggs: Hey, how did it go with Kimberly?
Present: Oh. Terrible. We walked all over Manhattan, and talked, and connected. And we even kissed. On the lips.
Clint Briggs: How is this ter… That sounds amazing.
Present: It was. She is. She just doesn’t know who I am.
Clint Briggs: Oh, my God. Will you quit with the unredeemable crap? You just haven’t dated in a few hundred years.

Present: You know, when they were doing my future, there was this little sick kid. What did they call him?
Clint Briggs: It was Tiny Tim.
Present: No. No. Sweet kid. One crutch.
Clint Briggs: Nope.
Present: Little Larry.
Clint Briggs: No. Tiny Tim.
Present: Pretty sure it was Little Larry. Anyway…
Clint Briggs: Pretty sure it was Tiny Tim.

Present: In my future, Little Larry was dead, and it was my fault. Cratchit needed money for an operation, and I was just too stingy.
Clint Briggs: It was Tiny Tim! You killed Tiny Tim, okay?
Present: Micro Michael? Super Small Steve.
Clint Briggs: Holy sh…
Present: I like tiny. Oh! Teensy Tim? Wait. Itsy Witsy Isaac.

Present: Why isn’t this happening? Come on.
Clint Briggs: Probably because I’m going to go back to work next week, and I’m going to keep doing what I do. I’ll feel guilty for a couple of days, but then I’ll rationalize it. I’m really good at that. I have a talent for it.

Present: You’ll change.
Clint Briggs: People don’t change. This isn’t about me anymore. This is about you running away from your life again. Alright. Look, you’re here, you’re human. Hey. Besides, I thought that we were really becoming…
Present: Becoming what?
Clint Briggs: I thought we were becoming, you know.
Present: Bros?
Clint Briggs: Yeah. I was going to say friends, but bros.

Present: [referring to Kimberly] She thinks I’m good.
Clint Briggs: Maybe you are.
Present: Oh, so now people do change?
Clint Briggs: No, I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe there’s no magical quick fix. Maybe you got to put in the work. You ever think about that? You got to wake up each day, get out of bed, and decide, “How about today I don’t wish anyone a good afternoon?”

Present: You just jumped in front of a bus to save someone you care about.
Clint Briggs: My bro.
Present: Your bro.

Clint Briggs: [after being hit by the bus] Want to do some CPR or something? Why are they just standing there?
Marley: It’s a little beyond CPR, I think. I mean, I’m not even sure what’s left to blow into.

Marley: Your sacrifice would have no meaning if it had no consequence.
Clint Briggs: Okay. Okay, I get that. But this ending sucks.

Marley: [as we see Clint has taken over the role Present’s role] Which one is this year’s perp?
Clint Briggs: Well, they all are. You’re not reading my memos, are you? We’re expanding, Jake. Ghost of Ramadan Past, Ghost of Hanukkah Yet-to-Come. It’s a whole thing. You’re going to love it.

Present: [as we see his life on earth with Kimberly and their kids] Hey, Ronny. Ronny, put that down. Ronny! Ronald J. Fishman Pratt, put it down! Okay. Sorry, kids. I didn’t mean to shout.

Recruit Guy #1: [mid-credits lines] Couple of them ghosts was twerking over there, if you look closely.
Recruit Guy #2: I saw.
Recruit Guy #1: You did?
Recruit Guy #2: Yeah. I noticed.
Recruit Guy #1: That’s why you want to clear your browser history.

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