The Bad Guys (2022) Best Movie Quotes

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Starring: Sam Rockwell, Marc Maron, Craig Robinson, Anthony Ramos, Awkwafina, Richard Ayoade, Zazie Beetz, Lilly Singh, Alex Borstein

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

Dreamworks animated adventure comedy directed by Pierre Perifel. The Bad Guys (2022) centers on a crackerjack criminal crew of animal outlaws, dashing pickpocket Mr. Wolf (Sam Rockwell), safecracker Mr. Snake (Marc Maron), master-of-disguise Mr. Shark (Craig Robinson), short-fused muscle Mr. Piranha (Anthony Ramos), and sharp-tongued expert hacker Ms. Tarantula (Awkwafina) aka Webs. But when, after years of countless heists the gang is finally caught, Mr. Wolf brokers a deal to save them all from prison, The Bad Guys will become good. Under the tutelage of their mentor, an arrogant guinea pig, Professor Marmalade (Richard Ayoade), the gang sets out to fool the world that they’ve been transformed. Along the way though, Mr. Wolf begins to suspect that doing good for real may give him what he’s always secretly longed for, acceptance.

Our Favorite Quotes:

'If you look closely enough, even trash can be recycled into something beautiful.' - Diane Foxington (The Bad Guys) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

Wolf: But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays. You got decorations. You got balloons. You got parties and cake.
Snake: Look, I don’t need presents. I don’t want decorations. And I’m not a cake guy.
Wolf: Seriously though, you don’t like cake? Name one food better than cake.
Snake: Guinea pig.
Wolf: Oh, again with the guinea pig.

Wolf: I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig.
Snake: Wrong. Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air.
Wolf: Air?
Snake: Yes. Air.

Wolf: [referring to guinea pigs] I don’t know. They’re a little cute for my taste.
Snake: That’s what makes them so delicious. You’re not just eating food. You’re eating pure goodness. It’s not about the pig. It’s about what it symbolizes on a deeper level.

Wolf: So, you can taste air? What else you got?
Snake: Forget about it.
Wolf: Wait. Can you also hear color? Can you see sound? Because we should really be capitalizing on these skills.
Snake: Okay. Alright. Fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now.
Snake: [as he regurgitates a clock] Look at that. 4:00 PM. Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.

Wolf: Guinea pig, huh?
Snake: It’s the Rolls-Royce of rodents.
Wolf: Yeah, but it’s still a rodent. Know what I mean?

Wolf: [after they rob the bank] Go bad…
Snake: Or go home.

Wolf: Hey, you, get over here. A little bit closer. Oh, I know what it is. You’re afraid, because I’m the Big Bad Wolf! Well, I’m not surprised. I am the villain in every story. Isn’t that right, Mr. Snake?
Snake: Yep.

Wolf: Say hello to Mr. Snake. Serpentine, safe-cracking machine. Imagine Houdini but with no arms. The kind of guy who’d tell you the glass is half empty, then steal it from you. He’s also my best bud. And today is his birthday!
Snake: Not relevant.
Wolf: He’s a sweetheart. You’re a sweetheart.

Wolf: And over here is Ms. Tarantula. Our in-house hacker, our pocket search engine, our traveling tech wizard. We call her Webs.

Wolf: And this is Mr. Shark, master of disguise. Apex predator of a thousand faces. His greatest trick, stealing the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa. Dig that.

Wolf: And rounding out the crew, is Mr. Piranha. He’s a loose cannon with a short fuse, willing to scrap with anyone or anything. He’s brave. He’s fearless. Oh, who am I kidding. He’s crazy.

Tarantula: [as Piranha farts] You know, you fart when you lie, right?
Piranha: What? No! I fart when I’m nervous.
Tarantula: Yeah. Nervous about lying.
Piranha: [as he farts] I’m sorry.
Shark: Don’t breathe it in. I breathed it in!

Wolf: Yeah, they’re a bit eccentric. But when you’re born us, you don’t exactly win many popularity contests. Do I wish people didn’t see us a monsters? Sure, I do. But these are the cards we’ve been dealt, so we might as well play them.

Tarantula: What the thorax?
Piranha: Are you crazy?
Wolf: What? I just wanted a longer car chase. It’s the best part.

Police Chief Misty Luggins: I’m going to put you guys away for so long, your fleas will have fleas!

Shark: Chief. You want some cake? You seem a little hangry.

Wolf: Yeah. We may be bad, but we’re so good at it.

Snake: I’ve made a lot of enemies in my time. I mean, a lot. But out of all the people in the world, I hate you guys the least.
Piranha: That was actually kind of beautiful.
Shark: You’re a poet, man.
Wolf: To Mr. Snake, and his strange dislike of birthdays.

'A good person always pays attention to the needs of others.' - Professor Marmalade (The Bad Guys) Click To Tweet

Tiffany Fluffit: The Bad Guys have struck again.
Wolf: Guys, guys, stop it. We’re on TV.
Tiffany Fluffit: Proving once more that they are the most diabolical criminals of our time.
Tarantula: Ooh, “diabolical”. That’s new.
Shark: Know what it sounds like? A cologne. Diabolical.

Diane Foxington: [as the team are watching the news on TV] These so-called Bad Guys are really just second rate has-beens. Behind their amateurish antics, and, frankly, unoriginal capers. I mean, really, another bank? Is nothing but a deep well of anger.
Piranha: I ain’t angry! You’re angry!
Diane Foxington: And denial.
Tarantula: Not true!
Diane Foxington: And self-loathing.
Snake: The only one I self-loathe is you.
Diane Foxington: And those are holes that no amount of cash or priceless art can ever fill.
Snake: What’s on the Food Network?

Tarantula: [referring to Diane] I can’t believe I voted for her.
Piranha: You voted for her?
Tarantula: What? She’s good on climate change.

Wolf: Professor Marmalade, this year’s recipient of the Golden Dolphin, the most annoying good creature on the planet.

Tiffany Fluffit: Professor, in the past year, you’ve stopped wars, fed the hungry, and saved countless pandas. Some have described your goodness as second only to Mother Teresa.
Professor Marmalade: Oh, Tiffany, it’s not a competition. And if it were, it would really be more of a tie. But we can all agree that there is a flower of goodness inside all of us, just waiting to blossom.

Wolf: Interesting piece. Trashy, pointless, and pretentious.
Diane Foxington: They say that art reveals more about the viewer than the artist. Mister…
Wolf: Poodleton. Oliver Poodleton.

Wolf: It’s about time someone stood up to those diabolical Bad Guys. Though, I’ve got to say, no one’s succeeded yet.
Diane Foxington: I don’t think it’ll be that hard.
Wolf: I have a feeling it’ll be harder than you think. I’d say they’re one epic job away from cementing their legacy.

Diane Foxington: [to Wolf] The only legacy they’re cementing is life in prison. Did you see their last job? Unsecured exits, crude disguises, compulsive showboating. I mean, it was a mess. All the classic signs of a crew in decline. Next, they’re going to make it personal. That’s when you know they’re toast.

Diane Foxington: As for the sculpture, I think it’s about perspective. If you look closely enough, even trash can be recycled into something beautiful.
Wolf: How about that? I guess some things aren’t always as they appear. That reminds me. May I? I can’t miss a photo op with the governor and a pile of garbage.
Diane Foxington: Oh, Mr. Poodleton, you’re too hard on yourself.

Museum Guest: A drink for the pretty lady?
Shark: [disguised in a dress] No, thank you. My life is too complicated right now.

Tarantula: [over earpiece] Piranha, you all penguin-suited and booted?
Piranha: Affirmative. I’m a clean, mean, Dolphin stealing machine.

Tarantula: [over earpiece] Shark, you’re up. Do your thing.
Shark: Do I get to improvise?
Wolf: Yes, fine. Improvise. But please be subtle.
Shark: I’m having a baby! Is there a doctor? Or perhaps several security guards that could leave their post and help me?

Snake: What the molt is that?
Wolf: The Wolf Piranha Snake Shark Tarantula Protection System.
Tarantula: The WPSST?

Tarantula: It’s not letting me in.
Wolf: Check your system preferences.
Snake: You probably need to download a driver.
Wolf: Try rebooting!
Tarantula: Oh, my gosh. You fixed it.
Snake, Wolf: Really?
Tarantula: No!

Wolf: Nice work, everybody. Now, let’s make like a wolf and get the pack out of here.
Piranha: Ah, wordplay. I don’t get it.

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Professor Marmalade: You have to understand, I didn’t bring hope back to the city for an award. I did these good things because of how they made me feel. That tingly feeling I get. That shiver up my spine. The wag in my tiny tail. Because, you see, being good just feels so good. And when you’re good, you’re loved.

Police Chief Misty Luggins: [to Wolf] Wow. You know, I just realized that I have devoted my entire adult life to putting you in jail. You are my purpose. Without you, who am I? Ah, I’m just kidding. This is the best moment of my life!

Wolf: I just wanted to congratulate the governor here. I got to say, you really got us pegged. We’re just a deep well of anger and self-loathing.
Diane Foxington: Denial.
Wolf: Sure. That too.
Diane Foxington: Narcissism.
Wolf: Yeah. Yeah.
Diane Foxington: Emotional emptiness.
Wolf: So we’re on the same page.

Wolf: Sadly, we were never given a chance to be anything more than second rate criminals. If only there was someone who could help the flower of goodness inside us blossom. Some icon of love and forgiveness, like, I don’t know, Mother Teresa. Best thing is to just throw us in jail for the rest of our hopeless lives.
Police Chief Misty Luggins: Yeah, that’s the plan.

Professor Marmalade: Mr. Wolf may be a savage beast. Basically walking garbage. Sorry, I’m making a point.
Wolf: Do what you need to do, pal.
Professor Marmalade: But how can we say they’re hopeless if they’ve never been given a chance? What if we tried a little experiment, Diane? As you know, my Gala for Goodness, the “hashtag charity event of the year”, is coming up. If I can prove to everyone at that gala that the Bad Guys have changed, will you set them free and give them a clean start?

Professor Marmalade: Now that everyone’s happy…
Police Chief Misty Luggins: Not happy.
Professor Marmalade: I, Rupert Marmalade the Fourth, will turn the Bad Guys into the Good Guys!

Wolf: We’re going to go good.
Tarantula: You totally lost me.
Piranha: I told him to stop drinking out of the toilet.
Shark: Hey, did you get hit on the head?
Wolf: What? No, I didn’t get hit on the head.
Shark: My cousin got hit on the head with an anchor, and after that, he only swam in a circle.

Wolf: The Bad Guys become the Good Guys, so we can stay the Bad Guys. You know what I’m saying?
Snake: Bad Guys acting good? It’s the ultimate Bad Guy thing. It’s fantastic! Wolf, you’re a genius!
Wolf: It’s going to be like the most relaxing con ever, like a vacation.
Piranha: Oh. Oh. A con-cation.
Shark: Ooh! My parents met on a con-cation.

Shark: [as they arrive at Marmalade’s house] Rodent’s got taste. Okay.
Snake: Huh. Almost makes me want to be cute.

Professor Marmalade: They say experience is the best teacher. And they are wrong. I am.

Professor Marmalade: Good morning, students of goodness. And welcome to the first day of the rest of your best life.
Piranha: A giant butt!
Professor Marmalade: Huh? It’s not a butt. It’s a lamp in the shape of the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest…
Piranha: I wonder whose butt it is.
Professor Marmalade: Once again, it’s not a butt. Thank you. It’s a heart.

Piranha: Then why does it have cheeks? What? I’ve never seen a heart with cheeks.
Professor Marmalade: It’s not a…
Piranha: Booty!
Professor Marmalade: It’s not a butt! Not a butt!
Piranha: Does he know what a butt is?

Professor Marmalade: On the outside, the five of your are villains, predators, remorseless sociopaths.
Shark: Oh, stop. You’re making me blush!

Professor Marmalade: Okay, Mr. Snake, I’m going to give you a Push Pop.
Snake: Great! Push Pop just for me!
Professor Marmalade: No. To share.
Snake: Why?
Professor Marmalade: Well, on a fundamental level, it’s about putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own.
Snake: Oh, no. No way.

Shark: This is going to taste extra sweet, because I know how bad you want it. Pop me, please.
Snake: [quickly grabs the Push Pop and eats it] Nope. Sucker.
Shark: [stuffs Snake in his mouth] That’s it! I’ll teach you to share! I like sharing. It’s yummy.
Snake: [from inside Shark’s mouth] Totally worth it.
Professor Marmalade: Well, that’s terrifying.

Professor Marmalade: A good person always pays attention to the needs of others.

Wolf: Hey, look. It’s a cat stuck in a tree.
Professor Marmalade: It doesn’t get much simpler than that. Now, what in this scenario would give you that good tingle?
Snake: Eating it? This is why I always carry two pieces of bread with me.
Professor Marmalade: No. I want you to s…
Wolf: Smack it.
Snake: Skin it?
Shark: Stab it.
Tarantula: Sauté it.
Piranha: Sing to it?
Professor Marmalade: Save it. I want you to save it!
All: Oh! Right.

Professor Marmalade: That is an animal testing lab. Within, two hundred thousand helpless guinea pigs, all being poked and prodded by sadistic scientists.
Snake: Guinea pigs, you say?
Wolf: Snake.
Professor Marmalade: I want you to rescue them.

Tarantula: [as they’re dressed in cute cuddly outfits] Well, there goes our street cred.
Piranha: At least it’s comfy.

Wolf: Snake. Come on, Snake. Open up.
Snake: Relax. These doors are complicated.
Tarantula: [as they see Snake’s eaten all the guinea pigs] Are you kidding me?!
Wolf: What do you think you’re doing? We’re supposed to save them! Not eat them!
Snake: Well, I’d say they’ve gone to a better place.

Wolf: You couldn’t help yourself?
Snake: So I had a moment of weakness. Sue me.
Wolf: That’s going to be difficult to do from prison!

Tarantula: Guys, what do we do now?
Wolf: Time to launch a charm offensive.
Shark: Oh, yeah. The full Clooney.

Diane Foxington: Do not Clooney me, Wolf.

Diane Foxington: Don’t you ever get tired of lying?
Wolf: No. I mean… Fudge. That was a trick question, right?

Diane Foxington: I gave you an opportunity, a chance to show the world that you’re more than just a scary stereotype, but you’re too proud, or too gutless to take advantage of it.
Wolf: Gutless? I’m gutless? Oh. I’m sorry, have we met? I’m the villain of every story. Guilty until proven innocent. Even if by some miracle we did change, who’s going to believe us, huh? Of course you wouldn’t know anything about that, with your Little Miss Perfect power suits.

Diane Foxington: A wolf and a fox are not so different. Maybe they will believe you. Maybe they won’t. But it doesn’t matter. Don’t do it for them. Do it for you. This is a chance to write your own story. To find a better life for you and your friends. Come on, what have you got to lose?
Wolf: I don’t know. My dignity?
Diane Foxington: Yeah, well, that ship has already sailed.

Professor Marmalade: You have great potential, Wolf, but at some point, you’re going to have to choose between your friends or the good life.

Wolf: You ever wonder what it’d be like? The world loving us instead of being scared of us? You ever think about that?
Snake: Loving us? Yeah, right. I don’t waste time thinking about stuff that’s never going to happen.

Wolf: [as they arrive at the gala] Alright, guys, let’s mingle.
Tarantula: It’s crime time, baby.

Gala Guest: Is it true sharks can smell blood a mile away?
Shark: What? No. That’s freaky.

Diane Foxington: I see. You lost the sheep’s clothing.
Wolf: Yeah. Figured it was time I got comfortable in my own fur.

Diane Foxington: So, how does it feel to have everyone not fear you for a change?
Wolf: It feels good. Real good.

Wolf: Piranha, don’t do anything crazy.
Piranha: Crazy is what I bring to the party, chico!

Tiffany Fluffit: Tonight’s headline. Change is impossible. You should always judge a book by its cover, and all stereotypes have been affirmed.

Shark: You stole the meteorite?
Professor Marmalade: Oh, it’s not just a meteorite.
Piranha: I told you guys it’s a butt.
Professor Marmalade: It’s not a butt! It’s the ultimate power source.

Tarantula: [referring to Marmalade] You should’ve eaten him when you had the chance.
Snake: Yep.

Wolf: But why us?
Professor Marmalade: Because you’re the perfect patsies. Come on, when people look up “bad” in the dictionary, do they see a sweet, adorable guinea pig? No. They see you. And they always will.
Snake: Okay, fine. But you set us up.
Professor Marmalade: Oh, pish-pish. Let’s be honest, evolution set you up. But Wolfie here really clinched it. You fell for every one of my traps.

Professor Marmalade: Anyhoo, looks like, yet again, the Big Bad Wolf got outsmarted by a little piggy.

Shark: I can’t believe we got double-crossed by a tiny rodent.
Snake: Oh, we got double-crossed by a rodent alright. But not a tiny one.
Shark: What?
Snake: This was supposed to be us conning Marmalade. It turns out it was Wolf conning us.

Snake: You know what? I’ll give Marmalade this. At least he sees the world for what it is, a place where some people are scary, and some people are scared.
Wolf: Oh, yeah? Well, I’m tired of being scary. I’m tired of being an outcast. Maybe I don’t want to be a…
Snake: What? A Bad Guy? Don’t want to be a Bad Guy anymore, huh? Say it, Wolf. Yeah, I thought so. And us, your lifelong friends? We’re just holding you back?
Wolf: Yeah, maybe you are!

Piranha: [as Diane is breaking them out of prison] But how do you know how to do all of that kick-kick-punch-punch?
Wolf: Wait a sec. You’re the Crimson Paw? The queen of cons. Acrobatic Swiss Army knife. Stole the Zumpango diamond twice. Once for profit, second time just for fun. Never identified, never caught.
Diane Foxington: Guess I’m still the best bad guy the world has ever seen. At least I used to be.

Snake: We’re through, Wolf. Done. Finito.
Wolf: Because of that little tiff back there? Come on, man, that’s what we do. You serve, I volley. That’s our little dance.
Snake: Not this time.

Snake: You want to know why I hate birthdays, Wolf? Do you? When you grow up a snake, nobody shows up to your party. Birthdays are a constant reminder that out there I’m just a scary, good for nothing monster. Yeah. But nothing compares to having the one guy, the one guy I thought I could trust, stab me in the back.

Diane Foxington: Hey. You okay?
Wolf: No, I’m not okay. I’m very, very un-okay. And just left the only friends I have ever had. What am I doing?

Diane Foxington: I was the best thief in the world. Fast, fearless, inventive. I just had one thing left to steal.
Wolf: The Golden Dolphin. So you went after it.
Diane Foxington: I didn’t just go after it. I had it. And a clear escape route. But all I saw in the end was the tricky fox that they always told me I was. It changed everything. So, now, instead of hurting people, I’m helping them. I’m still me. I’m just me on the right side. You’re doing the right thing. And someday your friends, if they’re real friends, I think they’ll understand.

Snake: Wolf gave away all our loot. We stole it fair and square!
Piranha: Now I understand what it feels like to have things stolen from you. I don’t like it! I really don’t like it!

Tarantula: [as Snake gives Shark his Push Pop] Snake, what did you just do?
Snake: What? My friend was sad. I was just cheering him up.
Shark: You did good thing. For me.
Snake: Don’t be ridiculous. I just put your needs before my own.
Tarantula: Yeah. You’re being good.
Snake: I’m not. I was simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.
Tarantula: That is the actual definition of being good!

Shark: Snake, you, the worst one of us, the most selfish.
Tarantula: Spiteful.
Shark: Terrible.
Piranha: Sneaky.
Tarantula: Dishonest.
Shark: Insensitive.
Tarantula: Manipulative.
Piranha: Snakelike.
Shark: Stanky.
Snake: And your point is?
Tarantula: I think Wolf was right. Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.

Tarantula: Is this wagging? We’re wagging.
Snake: No! No! No! We’ll always be Bad Guys!

Wolf: How does it feel to be working for your favorite food?
Snake: Ah, you’re just jealous to be missing out on the heist of the century. It’s got everything, betrayal, a meteor, mind control.

Wolf: What about all that “flower of goodness” talk? Was it all just a lie?
Professor Marmalade: Pretty much, yeah. You see, I never cared about what’s “good”. Only what’s good for me. Like say, a billion dollars. Ooh, I just got a tingle.

Shark: Feels like I got a rhythm section in my fin.

Professor Marmalade: With this meteorite, we will be able to commit crimes people have only dreamed about.
Snake: Not bad for a butt rock.

Diane Foxington: [after they’ve stolen the meteorite from Marmalde] Now to get this thing to the chief and clear your names.
Shark: Weird. Usually, we drive away from the police.

Diane Foxington: Where did you learn to do that?
Tarantula: Well, I’m, you know, kind of a natural. Mostly YouTube.

Police Chief Misty Luggins: Well, butter my crumpets.
Tiffany Fluffit: Can it be? The Bad Guys are returning the meteorite? Perhaps this is the feel-good story we all need.

Wolf: [referring to Snake] We can’t do this without him.
Shark: He might be a Mr. Grumpy Pants.
Tarantula: But he’s our Mr. Grumpy Pants.

Tarantula: When I woke up this morning, this is not where I saw the day going.

Piranha: Crazy? You’re finally speaking my language, chico!

Wolf: Snake. I should’ve been honest with you. I was afraid that if you knew I wanted to be good that you’d…
Snake: Act like a jerk, and never talk to you again?
Wolf: Yeah. Point is, I…
Snake: Yeah. I love you too, buddy.

Piranha: What happened? Did we blow up? Is this heaven?

Diane Foxington: They didn’t steal the meteorite. They were bringing it back.
Police Chief Misty Luggins: How could you know that? Unless, you were conspiring with a bunch of known criminals.
Diane Foxington: Well, as a matter of fact, it’s time I came clean about something. The truth is I’m really…
Wolf: Really a big fan of redemption arcs. Yeah, we know.

Police Chief Misty Luggins: You’re turning yourself in?
Wolf: We might not have stolen the meteorite, but we did steal a lot of other things. It’s time we took some responsibility. Start a clean state. Take us in, Chief.
Police Chief Misty Luggins: Wow, really?
Wolf: You finally did it. This is your moment, Chief. Drink it in.

Tiffany Fluffit: So, it turns out the saga of the Bad Guys has come to a simple and totally satisfying conclusion.

Wolf: That was pretty good there, Snakey.
Snake: Good? It was genius. Not only did I foil the pig, I got you to admit how much you care about me.
Wolf: Sure. Yeah. I just wonder about one little thing.
Snake: Oh, yeah? What’s that, Wolf?
Wolf: Who do you think put that one Push Pop in the fridge?
Snake: Wait. No.
Wolf: I knew you were good.
Snake: No.
Tarantula: We good, baby. We good.

Snake: [mid-credits lines, as they’re released from prison for good behavior] I got my friends. I got the skin of a reptile half my age.
Shark: I don’t know about half your age, but you do look good.
Wolf: Well, that’s because you just molted.
Snake: Yes, I did.
Shark: You smell good too.
Snake: I’m shiny. I’m gorgeous.

Tarantula: [after being released from prison] So what do we do now?
Piranha: Steal a car?
Wolf: Piranha!
Piranha: I was joking. It was a joke.

Wolf: Hey, you. That’s right. Come here. Little closer. I said closer. Now that we’ve had some time to get acquainted, not so scary now, are we? Webs, hit it.

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