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Starring: Sam Rockwell, Marc Maron, Craig Robinson, Anthony Ramos, Awkwafina, Richard Ayoade, Zazie Beetz, Lilly Singh, Alex Borstein
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Dreamworks animated adventure comedy directed by Pierre Perifel. The Bad Guys (2022) centers on a crackerjack criminal crew of animal outlaws, dashing pickpocket Mr. Wolf (Sam Rockwell), safecracker Mr. Snake (Marc Maron), master-of-disguise Mr. Shark (Craig Robinson), short-fused muscle Mr. Piranha (Anthony Ramos), and sharp-tongued expert hacker Ms. Tarantula (Awkwafina) aka Webs. But when, after years of countless heists the gang is finally caught, Mr. Wolf brokers a deal to save them all from prison, The Bad Guys will become good. Under the tutelage of their mentor, an arrogant guinea pig, Professor Marmalade (Richard Ayoade), the gang sets out to fool the world that they’ve been transformed. Along the way though, Mr. Wolf begins to suspect that doing good for real may give him what he’s always secretly longed for, acceptance.
Our Favorite Quotes:'If you look closely enough, even trash can be recycled into something beautiful.' - Diane Foxington (The Bad Guys) Click To Tweet
Wolf: But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays. You got decorations. You got balloons. You got parties and cake.
Snake: Look, I don’t need presents. I don’t want decorations. And I’m not a cake guy.
Wolf: Seriously though, you don’t like cake? Name one food better than cake.
Snake: Guinea pig.
Wolf: Oh, again with the guinea pig.
Wolf: I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig.
Snake: Wrong. Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air.
Snake: Yes. Air.
Wolf: [referring to guinea pigs] I don’t know. They’re a little cute for my taste.
Snake: That’s what makes them so delicious. You’re not just eating food. You’re eating pure goodness. It’s not about the pig. It’s about what it symbolizes on a deeper level.
Wolf: So, you can taste air? What else you got?
Snake: Forget about it.
Wolf: Wait. Can you also hear color? Can you see sound? Because we should really be capitalizing on these skills.
Snake: Okay. Alright. Fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now.
Snake: [as he regurgitates a clock] Look at that. 4:00 PM. Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.
Wolf: Guinea pig, huh?
Snake: It’s the Rolls-Royce of rodents.
Wolf: Yeah, but it’s still a rodent. Know what I mean?
Wolf: [after they rob the bank] Go bad…
Snake: Or go home.
Wolf: Hey, you, get over here. A little bit closer. Oh, I know what it is. You’re afraid, because I’m the Big Bad Wolf! Well, I’m not surprised. I am the villain in every story. Isn’t that right, Mr. Snake?
Wolf: Say hello to Mr. Snake. Serpentine, safe-cracking machine. Imagine Houdini but with no arms. The kind of guy who’d tell you the glass is half empty, then steal it from you. He’s also my best bud. And today is his birthday!
Snake: Not relevant.
Wolf: He’s a sweetheart. You’re a sweetheart.
Wolf: And over here is Ms. Tarantula. Our in-house hacker, our pocket search engine, our traveling tech wizard. We call her Webs.
Wolf: And this is Mr. Shark, master of disguise. Apex predator of a thousand faces. His greatest trick, stealing the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa. Dig that.
Wolf: And rounding out the crew, is Mr. Piranha. He’s a loose cannon with a short fuse, willing to scrap with anyone or anything. He’s brave. He’s fearless. Oh, who am I kidding. He’s crazy.
Tarantula: [as Piranha farts] You know, you fart when you lie, right?
Piranha: What? No! I fart when I’m nervous.
Tarantula: Yeah. Nervous about lying.
Piranha: [as he farts] I’m sorry.
Shark: Don’t breathe it in. I breathed it in!
Wolf: Yeah, they’re a bit eccentric. But when you’re born us, you don’t exactly win many popularity contests. Do I wish people didn’t see us a monsters? Sure, I do. But these are the cards we’ve been dealt, so we might as well play them.
Tarantula: What the thorax?
Piranha: Are you crazy?
Wolf: What? I just wanted a longer car chase. It’s the best part.
Police Chief Misty Luggins: I’m going to put you guys away for so long, your fleas will have fleas!
Shark: Chief. You want some cake? You seem a little hangry.
Wolf: Yeah. We may be bad, but we’re so good at it.
Snake: I’ve made a lot of enemies in my time. I mean, a lot. But out of all the people in the world, I hate you guys the least.
Piranha: That was actually kind of beautiful.
Shark: You’re a poet, man.
Wolf: To Mr. Snake, and his strange dislike of birthdays.
'A good person always pays attention to the needs of others.' - Professor Marmalade (The Bad Guys) Click To Tweet
Tiffany Fluffit: The Bad Guys have struck again.
Wolf: Guys, guys, stop it. We’re on TV.
Tiffany Fluffit: Proving once more that they are the most diabolical criminals of our time.
Tarantula: Ooh, “diabolical”. That’s new.
Shark: Know what it sounds like? A cologne. Diabolical.
Diane Foxington: [as the team are watching the news on TV] These so-called Bad Guys are really just second rate has-beens. Behind their amateurish antics, and, frankly, unoriginal capers. I mean, really, another bank? Is nothing but a deep well of anger.
Piranha: I ain’t angry! You’re angry!
Diane Foxington: And denial.
Tarantula: Not true!
Diane Foxington: And self-loathing.
Snake: The only one I self-loathe is you.
Diane Foxington: And those are holes that no amount of cash or priceless art can ever fill.
Snake: What’s on the Food Network?
Tarantula: [referring to Diane] I can’t believe I voted for her.
Piranha: You voted for her?
Tarantula: What? She’s good on climate change.
Wolf: Professor Marmalade, this year’s recipient of the Golden Dolphin, the most annoying good creature on the planet.
Tiffany Fluffit: Professor, in the past year, you’ve stopped wars, fed the hungry, and saved countless pandas. Some have described your goodness as second only to Mother Teresa.
Professor Marmalade: Oh, Tiffany, it’s not a competition. And if it were, it would really be more of a tie. But we can all agree that there is a flower of goodness inside all of us, just waiting to blossom.
Wolf: Interesting piece. Trashy, pointless, and pretentious.
Diane Foxington: They say that art reveals more about the viewer than the artist. Mister…
Wolf: Poodleton. Oliver Poodleton.
Wolf: It’s about time someone stood up to those diabolical Bad Guys. Though, I’ve got to say, no one’s succeeded yet.
Diane Foxington: I don’t think it’ll be that hard.
Wolf: I have a feeling it’ll be harder than you think. I’d say they’re one epic job away from cementing their legacy.
Diane Foxington: [to Wolf] The only legacy they’re cementing is life in prison. Did you see their last job? Unsecured exits, crude disguises, compulsive showboating. I mean, it was a mess. All the classic signs of a crew in decline. Next, they’re going to make it personal. That’s when you know they’re toast.
Diane Foxington: As for the sculpture, I think it’s about perspective. If you look closely enough, even trash can be recycled into something beautiful.
Wolf: How about that? I guess some things aren’t always as they appear. That reminds me. May I? I can’t miss a photo op with the governor and a pile of garbage.
Diane Foxington: Oh, Mr. Poodleton, you’re too hard on yourself.
Museum Guest: A drink for the pretty lady?
Shark: [disguised in a dress] No, thank you. My life is too complicated right now.
Tarantula: [over earpiece] Piranha, you all penguin-suited and booted?
Piranha: Affirmative. I’m a clean, mean, Dolphin stealing machine.
Tarantula: [over earpiece] Shark, you’re up. Do your thing.
Shark: Do I get to improvise?
Wolf: Yes, fine. Improvise. But please be subtle.
Shark: I’m having a baby! Is there a doctor? Or perhaps several security guards that could leave their post and help me?
Snake: What the molt is that?
Wolf: The Wolf Piranha Snake Shark Tarantula Protection System.
Tarantula: The WPSST?
Tarantula: It’s not letting me in.
Wolf: Check your system preferences.
Snake: You probably need to download a driver.
Wolf: Try rebooting!
Tarantula: Oh, my gosh. You fixed it.
Snake, Wolf: Really?
Wolf: Nice work, everybody. Now, let’s make like a wolf and get the pack out of here.
Piranha: Ah, wordplay. I don’t get it.