The Lego Batman Movie (2017) Best Quotes – ‘Iron Man sucks.’

Starring: Will Arnett, Rosario Dawson, Ralph Fiennes, Michael Cera, Zach Galifianakis, Mariah Carey

OUR RATING: ★★★★☆

Story:

Animated spinoff action comedy directed by Chris McKay. The Lego Batman Movie (2017) follows Batman, who has few people in his life besides his trusty butler Alfred (Ralph Fiennes), and he spends much of his time secluded in his Batcave. But everything changes when he meets Dick Grayson/Robin (Michael Cera) and Barbara Gordon/Batgirl (Rosario Dawson), which is probably for the best, considering Batman’s nemesis, the Joker (Zach Galifianakis), is still out there in the Lego universe. But there are big changes brewing in Gotham, and if he wants to save the city from The Joker’s hostile takeover, Batman may have to drop the lone vigilante thing, try to work with others and maybe, just maybe, learn to lighten up.

Best Quotes

Batman: Black. All important movies start with a black screen. And music. Edgy, scary music that would make a parent or studio executive nervous. And logos. Really long and dramatic logos. Warner Bros. Why not “Warner Brothers”? I don’t know. DC. The house that Batman built. Yeah, what, Superman? Come at me, bro. I’m your Kryptonite. Hmm. Not sure what RatPac does, but that logo is macho. I dig it. Okay. Get yourself ready for some reading. “If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change. Hooo.” No. I said that. Batman is very wise. I also have huge pecs and a nine-pack. Yeah, I’ve got an extra ab. Now, let’s start the movie.

Crowd: Batman, we love you!
Batman: Thank you. I’m blushing super hard under the mask.

New Reporter: It must be great to be Batman. I can only imagine he’s going home right now to party the night away, surrounded by friends and lady active-wear models.

Batman: [Batman returns to his Batcave] Hey, computer. I’m home.
Computer: Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music.

Computer: So did anything exciting happen today?
Batman: I saved the city again. It was off the chain. Anyway, I should probably have some grub.
Computer: Alfred left your lobster thermidor in the fridge.
Batman: Oh, that’s my favorite. I can’t wait.

Batman: [places the plate of lobster thermidor into the microwave and presses 20 minutes] Not twenty minutes. Stupid.
[he presses 2 minutes then watches the food as it gets heated in the microwave]

Batman: [picking up the lobster with a fork] I deserve this today. Today I deserve it.

Pilot Bill: Is everything okay?
The Joker: I’m afraid Captain Dale had to bail. I’m your new co-pilot, and I always come to work with a smile. You should be terrified.
Pilot Bill: Why?
The Joker: Because I will be taking over the city.
The Joker: What?
Pilot Bill: [Joker blows a raspberry] Batman will stop you. He always stops you
The Joker: No, he doesn’t.
Pilot Bill: What about that time with the two boats?
The Joker: This is better than the two boats. Well, tonight is going to be different! Tonight is my greatest plan yet, and trust me, Batman’s never going to see it coming, like that time with the Parade and the Prince music.

The Joker: Your city is under attack by Gotham’s greatest criminal minds. Including, The Riddler, Scarecrow…
Scarecrow: Pizza delivery.
The Joker: Bane.
Bane: Hello!
The Joker: Two-Face.
Two-Face: We need that door open, baby.
The Joker: Catwoman.
Catwoman: Meow, meow. You’re in! Meow, meow.

The Joker: It’s got to be one or the other, Batman. Save the city, or catch your greatest enemy. You can’t do both.
Batman: I’m sorry, what did you just say?
The Joker: You can’t do both, I said.
Batman: No, I mean the other thing.
The Joker: Save the city, or catch your greatest enemy.
Batman: You think you’re my greatest enemy?
The Joker: Yes! You’re obsessed with me!
Batman: No, I’m not.
The Joker: Yes, you are.
Batman: No, I’m not.
The Joker: Yes, you are! Who else drives you to one-up them the way that I do?
Batman: Bane.
The Joker: No, he doesn’t.
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman’s not a bad guy!
Batman: Then I’d say that I don’t currently have a bad guy. I am fighting a few different people.
The Joker: What?
Batman: I like to fight around.
The Joker: Okay. Look, I’m fine with you fighting other people if you want do that, but what we have is special.

The Joker: Are you seriously saying there is nothing, nothing special about our relationship?
Batman: Woh. Let me tell you something, J-bird. Batman doesn’t do ‘ships.
The Joker: What?
Batman: As in “relationships”. There is no “us”. Batman and Joker are not a thing. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. You mean nothing to me. No one does.

Computer: What is the password?
Batman: Iron Man sucks.

Alfred Pennyworth: Were you looking at the old family pictures again?
Batman: At the what? The old family… Oh, yes! I see what you mean. Look at that! The old gang. Yeah. No, I wasn’t.
Alfred Pennyworth: I see. Sir, if you don’t mind my saying, I’m a little concerned. I’ve seen you go through similar phases in 2016, and 2012, and 2008, and 2005, and 1997, and 1995, and 1992, and 1989, and that weird one in 1966. Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling right now?
Batman: I don’t talks about feelings, Alfred. I don’t have any, I’ve never seen one. I’m a night-stalking, crime-fighting vigilante, and a heavy metal rapping machine. I don’t feel anything emotionally, except for rage. Twenty-four-seven, three hundred and sixty-five, at a million percent. And if you think that there’s something behind that, then you’re crazy. Good night, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it’s morning.

Robin: My name’s Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.
Batman: Well, children can be cruel.

Barbara Gordon: Batman’s been on the job for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time.
Bruce Wayne: He has aged phenomenally.

Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce, your greatest fear is…
Batman: Snakes?
Alfred Pennyworth: No.
Batman: It’s clowns.
Alfred Pennyworth: No. it’s being part of a family again.
Batman: Nope. Now it’s snake clown because you put that idea in my head.

Batman: Computer, how do I put The Joker in Arkham Asylum, quickest route, no freeways? Computer, do you hear me?
Alfred Pennyworth: Hello, Master Bruce. I have just taken away your computer privilege.
Batman: Gasp.
Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, it’s time for you to stop this unhealthy behavior. You can’t spend the rest of your life alone, dressed in black and staying up all night. Sir, you need to take responsibility for your life, and it starts by raising the young orphan you adopted.
Batman: I’m sorry, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.
Alfred Pennyworth: The young orphan you adopted at the gala.
Batman: I thought I was being sarcastic.

Robin: [peering close into the camera and whispers] Hello, secret camera.

Robin: [as he enters the Batcave] It’s the Batcave. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my… Batman! Wow!
Batman: You’re darn right “Wow”.
Robin: Wait, does Batman live in Bruce Wayne’s basement?
Batman: No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman’s attic.

Robin: Look, it’s the Batsub!
Batman: Don’t touch that.
Robin: The Batzeppelin!
Batman: Don’t touch that either!
Robin: It’s the Batkayak!
Batman: No.

Robin: Wow, do I get a costume?
Batman: [as Robin presses red button] Don’t touch that.
Computer: [we see a lineup of different costumes] The Mariachi.
Robin: I like that one.
Batman: That one is culturally insensitive.
Computer: Night Terror.
Robin: What do we think of this?
Computer: Glambat.
Robin: This one.
Batman: Absolutely not!
Robin: [the next costume is called the Reggae Man] Wait, what’s that one there?
Robin: [puts on the Reggae Man suit] I love it. The only trouble is these pants are just a little tight. I got an idea.
Robin: [takes off the pants] Rip! That’s better. Now I’m free, now I’m moving. Come on, Batman, let’s get grooving!
Batman: [Robin keeps shaking his naked butt] I can only look you in the eyes right now.

Batman: So, are you ready to follow Batman and maybe learn a few life lessons along the way?
Robin: I sure am, Dad Two! But first, where’s the seat-belt?
Batman: The first lesson is, life doesn’t give you seat-belts! Let’s go!
Robin: Woo-hoo! Yes! Faster, Dad! Faster! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Yes, yes, yes!
Batman: [as he breaks hard, it propels Robin into the dashboard] Oh! Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. Get back up in that seat. There you go.
Batman: [puts his arm out to Robin’s chest to protect him from falling] Hey, listen. As soon as I get back to the Batcave, I’ll make sure that Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay? But for the time being, I’m just going to put my arm right here. And we’re just going to gently ease out of here.

Robin: Hey, I was thinking. If I’m going to be a superhero, and go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names? Mine can be Robin.
Batman: I’m sorry, say that again?
Robin: Robin.
Batman: As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
Robin: Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase. Tweet, tweet, on the street.
Batman: Hard pass.
Robin: And a song. Fly, Robin, fly.
Batman: Harder pass.

The Joker: I’m back. Introducing the worst villains in the history of the universe, The Riddler, Catwoman, Penguin, Gentleman Ghost, Calendar Man, and the Condiment King.
Pilot: Are you making some of those up?
The Joker: Nope. They’re all real.

The Joker: Hi, Batman!
Robin: No way!
The Joker: Come catch your greatest enemy.
Batman: Superman is my greatest enemy.
Robin: Superman’s not a bad guy!
Batman: Then I’d say that I don’t currently have a bad guy. I am fighting a few different people. I like to fight around.

The Joker: Do you want to play a game, do you, Batman? Save the city or catch your greatest enemy.
Batman: You think you’re my greatest enemy.
The Joker: What drives you to one-up the way that I do?
Batman: Superman.
The Joker: Superman’s not a bad guy!
Batman: I like to fight around.
The Joker: Are you seriously saying that there is nothing special about us?
Batman: There is no us.  Never will be. Now, I got to diffuse that bomb.

Barbara Gordon: Hi. Barbara Gordon. New police commissioner. It’s my dream for the police force to team up with Batman.
Bruce Wayne: What?!
Barbara Gordon: Wouldn’t that be better?
Bruce Wayne: I hate everything you just said.

Barbara Gordon: Is that your son?
Robin: Yes, I am.
Batman: Is that my son? No, that’s just weird.
Barbara Gordon: It’s weirder if it’s not your son.

Batman: Initialize Master Builder.
Barbara Gordon: I got it!
Robin: Here you go!
Batman: [they build a Lego aircraft] Yes, we did it!
Robin: Why did you build this thing with only one seat?
Batman: Uh, because last I checked I only had one butt.

Batman: Let’s go defeat The Joker!
Robin: Wooh! We’re going on a family trip! I can wear my costume too!
Batman: Well, luckily for us, you left your costume back…
Robin: Rip!
Batman: [Robin rips his clothes off to reveal he’s wearing his Robin costume] Oh. No. Under your clothes. That’s perfect.

The Joker: Hold on a sec. Are you trying to tell me that Bruce Wayne is Batman’s roommate?

The Joker: Hey Batman! Joker’s home. I’m rubbing my butt all over your stuff. We’re going to have to rename this the Butt-mobile.

Batgirl: Engine one down.
Batman: Not a big deal. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.
Batgirl: Engine two down.
Batman: It does that sometimes.
Batgirl: We’ve lost engine three.
Batman: Oh, could live without it.
Batgirl: Engine four!
Batman: That I do need to fix.

Batgirl: If you call me Batgirl, can I call you Batboy?

Batman: Shut up, Joker! If there’s no Gotham, then I’ll never get to fight you again.
The Joker: What?
Batman: You’re the reason why I get up at 4:00 in the afternoon and pump iron until my chest is positively sick.

[Batman: Wow, that was fun! Really hope nobody was recording that. Let me see. Oh, this thing is on. This thing is recording.

Trailer: