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Starring: Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum, Daniel Radcliffe, Patti Harrison, Oscar Nunez, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, Brad Pitt
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Adventure comedy directed and co-written by Aaron and Adam Nee. The Lost City (2022) centers on reclusive romance novelist Loretta Sage (Sandra Bullock), who has spent her career writing about exotic places in her popular novels featuring handsome cover model Alan (Channing Tatum), who has dedicated his life to embodying the hero character, Dash. While on tour promoting her new book with Alan, Loretta is kidnapped by an eccentric billionaire, Fairfax (Daniel Radcliffe), who hopes that she can lead him to the ancient lost city’s treasure from her latest story. Wanting to prove that he can be a hero in real life, Alan sets off to rescue her, and the unlikely pair have to work together to survive the elements and find the ancient treasure before it’s lost forever.
Our Favorite Quotes:'Anticipate the difficult by managing the easy.' - Jack Trainer (The Lost City) Click To Tweet
Angela: My heart is still racing.
Dash: I felt it too.
Angela: All thanks to your brute strength, Dash. And your knowledge of ancient Aramaic mathematics.
Dash: Please. This has nothing to do with my two doctorates, and my master’s in Gender Studies, and everything to do with you, Dr. Lovemore.
Angela: The truth is, I never thought I would find the Lost City of D.
Dash: Hold up. Are these your snakes?
Fantasy Villain: No, they were just here.
Angela: There were just hundreds of snakes in this temple just waiting for us to show up?
Dash: Who feeds them? You feed them?
Angela: No, what do they eat?
Dash: Why is that one not biting that guy? Why is that happening? Are they trained not to bite henchmen or something?
Angela: I mean, the snake-to-temple ratio alone… This is ridiculous. Delete.
Fantasy Villain: I think my character can still work.
Beth Hatten: [voice mail] Hey, it’s me, Beth. I don’t want to pull the whole “I’m your publisher” card, but I am. And I’m really looking forward to seeing this last chapter. But no pressure. No, there actually is pressure. You know, the exact amount of pressure that motivates you but doesn’t paralyze you. You got this.
Beth Hatten: [voice mail] Listen, I know these last five years have been hard after John’s passing, and it feels easier to live in your bathtub, drinking Chardonnay on ice. But, girl, there is a great big world waiting for you, and a book tour that I can’t cancel. So just make it happen, alright?
Beth Hatten: Okay, honey, it’s showtime.
Loretta Sage: [referring to her jumpsuit] Are you sure about this? Because I have a wedgie in the back, and in the front in this thing. I feel like a nerdy figure skater.
Beth Hatten: Sexy. Stunner. I’m all about it.
Loretta Sage: No, it’s not. It’s not. How do I move in this?
Loretta Sage: Do I need to be wearing a glitter onesie?
Beth Hatten: You only have to wear this for two hours. And do not mess this up, do you hear me? This is on loan.
Beth Hatten: [to Loretta] This is Allison. She is our new social media manager. And she’s going to be helping us target that younger demographic. Meaning women in their thirties who wish they were in their twenties.
Beth Hatten: Just think of this as a way that uses word of mouth.
Loretta Sage: Oh, you want word of mouth? Here we go. How’s this? “The only thing more lost than the city is the author herself. Loveless. Passionless. Way past her prime. And, oh, “This is fake history at its worst.”
Beth Hatten: We have to remind the fans why they love you so much.
Loretta Sage: Real history. I merely season it with a smidge more nudity.
Allison: History had a ton of nudity.
Loretta Sage: [referring to Alan] He’s a body wash commercial. He’s always glistening all over the place. There hasn’t been an event where his shirt didn’t come flying off.
Allison: You wish.
Beth Hatten: Well, he’s already here, so put on your big-girl panties, and let’s get out there. Remember, no grumpy face, big words, or boring academic talk.
Alan: [referring to Loretta’s book] I mean, this one’s such a special book for me personally. I don’t know how to say how much it means to me that Loretta, word writer extraordinaire, has, you know, named the book after me. The Lost City of Dash. The Lost City of D.
Loretta Sage: But that’s not what the D stands for.
Ray the Moderator: It’s D for “d**k,” right?
Loretta Sage: No d**k, no. It’s based on the name of an ancient tribe, Dapocagihou-dysphem-ica. And it was too difficult for the European colonizers to pronounce. So, in true colonial fashion they abbreviated it.
Alan: What I would really like to know is what is Loretta’s favorite romantic moment?
Ray the Moderator: Ooh, spicy.
Loretta Sage: Oh. Well, being a sapiosexual…
Alan: Oh, is that when they do the snakes around the…
Loretta Sage: No. That’s someone who finds intellect, or intelligence, very sexy, you know.
Loretta Sage: Really?
Alan: Look, I get it if you need a break, or something, but you can’t just kill me, okay?
Loretta Sage: Okay. I hate that I have to ask this, but you do know you’re not Dash, right? Dash is a character I made up.
'To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.' - Jack Trainer and Loretta Sage (The Lost City) Click To Tweet
Loretta Sage: [to Alan] Beth is going to be fine. She’s going to find plenty fresh, young writers full of great ideas. You can transition gracefully into the shirt-on phase of your modeling career, and I can be left alone. Everybody is happy.
Alan: Why would you want to be stuck at home alone, when you could see the world? You could be visiting ancient Greece.
Loretta Sage: Okay. How could I visit ancient Greece?
Alan: I get it. Because you’re afraid of flying.
Loretta Sage: No. Because ancient Greece is in the past. Just like Dash.
Alan: Okay. You want to know who else is stuck in the past? You are. You’re so afraid of life hurting you again that you’ve stopped living. You’re like a human mummy.
Chef: Mummies are human.
Alan: [referring to Loretta] I’ve never said the right thing one time around her. I get nervous because she opens her mouth, and just an encyclopedia of beautifulness comes out, and I just never say… You know she’s trying to kill me?
Loretta Sage: [to the thugs] What is this, Taken? Am I tooken?
Abigail Fairfax: [to his thugs, who’ve brought him Loretta] Oh, no. Did this feel creepy? I said don’t make it creepy, guys.
Abigail Fairfax: But first, a little bit about the mysterious rogue you see before you. My name is Abigail Fairfax.
Loretta Sage: Abigail?
Abigail Fairfax: It’s a gender neutral name. Like Leslie, or Beverly.
Alan: [referring to finding Loretta] I think I actually have somebody that could help us. I did this meditation retreat, and there was this trainer guy there. You should see this guy meditate. But he’s ex-Navy SEAL. He’s a special ops trainer. What was his name? Yeah. Jack Trainer.
Beth Hatten: So he’s a trainer named Jack Trainer?
Alan: That’s how I have everybody in my phone. See, “Janice Mom”. “Larry Doorknob”. “Stacy Butt Stuff”.
Jack Trainer: [over phone] “Anticipate the difficult by managing the easy.”
Alan: Is that Oprah or Deepak?
Jack Trainer: Laozi from Tao-te Ching.
Beth Hatten: [after tracking Loretta’s smartwatch] Oh, my God. It’s in the Atlantic. She’s on a plane?
Alan: How can you tell that?
Beth Hatten: Because she can’t swim that fast.
'You have to earn the throb.' - Loretta Sage (The Lost City) Click To Tweet
Jack Trainer: Doesn’t sound like a ransom scenario. My guess is blood sport, Hunger Games type situation. Possibly some coke-fueled dark web scavenger hunt. Real clown s**t. We’ll have to move fast.
Jack Trainer: [over phone] I’ll have her back within forty-eight hours, or your next rescue is free.
Beth Hatten: How many people need a next rescue?
Allison: More than you’d think.
Loretta Sage: Unchain me!
Abigail Fairfax: That’s your seatbelt.
Loretta Sage: Did you chloroform me? People actually do that?
Abigail Fairfax: Well, you know, it’s a classic for a reason.
Loretta Sage: No more charcuterie, I take it.
Abigail Fairfax: Please. I’m not a monster.
Abigail Fairfax: Look, I too wish your dear old dead archaeologist husband was here to help, but he’s not. So, time to shine, Loretta, sex book writer.
Loretta Sage: They will come for me.
Abigail Fairfax: Who, exactly? Your many cats?
Loretta Sage: Oh, I don’t have cats.
Abigail Fairfax: Somehow even more sad.
Loretta Sage: I have a hamster, a**hole!
Abigail Fairfax: You have a hamster’s a**hole?
Loretta Sage: No, there was a comma… Forget it.
Alan: I was thinking that I could, you know, maybe just sort of come with you.
Jack Trainer: Why?
Alan: To help. I know CPR. I know some light karate. CrossFit certified.
Alan: It’s my fault. Not the kidnapping, and stuff, but like I said some really mean stuff to her, and I regret it. And I just need to take it back. I called her a human mummy.
Jack Trainer: Mummies are human.
Alan: I’m aware of that now, yes. That is true.
Alan: [referring to the car] Really? Is this what the SEAL teams use?
Jack Trainer: “Only a fool chooses a horse by its color.”
Alan: Right. Right. The Tao-te Ching?
Jack Trainer: No, it was on the sign back there at the rental place.
Alan: It’s very, very important to me that she knows that I came to rescue her.
Jack Trainer: Why? Do you like this woman?
Alan: No, I just brought snacks and stuff. And she gets a little grumpy when she’s hungry. Blood pressure drops. And I get that, because I’m a five meal a day kind of guy.
Alan: I just want her to, you know, think of me as more than a cover model.
Jack Trainer: But, Alan, you are so much more. You’re my lookout.
Alan: Okay, can I at least do the part where I put her in the car, and I just go, “Shh. You’re safe now?”
Jack Trainer: Sure, champ. She’ll love that.
Alan: [as he hits one of the thugs] Teamwork, yeah!
Jack Trainer: Great effort, Alan, but that man was already unconscious.
Alan: I was already wound up.
Jack Trainer: Loretta Sage?
Loretta Sage: Yes.
Jack Trainer: I’m getting you out of here.
Loretta Sage: Why are you so handsome?
Jack Trainer: My dad was a weatherman.
Loretta Sage: What are you doing here?
Alan: Irregardless, I’m here to save you.
Loretta Sage: That’s not…
Jack Trainer: I think he meant “regardless”.