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Home / Best Quotes / The Lovebirds Best Quotes – ‘All we need is a name.’

The Lovebirds Best Quotes – ‘All we need is a name.’

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Starring: Kumail Nanjiani, Issa Rae, Paul Sparks, Anna Camp, Kyle Bornheimer, Betsy Borrego, Kelly Murtagh, Moses Storm

OUR RATING: ★★★☆☆

Story:

Netflix’s romantic comedy directed by Michael Showalter. The Lovebirds (2020) follows Jibran and Leilani (Kumail Nanjiani and Issa Rae), a couple on the brink of breaking up who get unintentionally embroiled in a bizarre murder mystery. Working to clear their names and solve the case, they need to figure out how they, and their relationship, can survive the night.

Read the movie review here.

 

Best Quotes


 

Jibran: [after they’ve spent the night together and decide to have breakfast] I did. I hung out with the crudites table all night, trying to work up the courage to talk to you, because I knew you’d be back.
Leilani: Well, I kept going back to the crudite table, trying to get you to notice me.
Jibran: I noticed you the moment you walked in the door.


 

Jibran: What’s your last name?
Leilani: Why? So you can Google-stalk me?
Jibran: No, I just want to know what to put in my phone.
Leilani: Oh. I’m not giving you my phone number.
Jibran: [we then see her putting her number in his phone] You’ve made a huge mistake.
Leilani: [laughs] I knew it. I felt it in my gut.


 

Jibran: [to Leilani as they kiss] You are unbelievable.


 

Jibran: [four years later, we see him and Leilani fighting] You are literally unbelievable! If I told someone, “This is what Leilani said to me,” they’d be like, “I don’t believe you.”


 

Jibran: You think we would win The Amazing Race!
Leilani: You don’t?
Jibran: You think, in a game show about a race around the f***ing world, you and me would come out on top.
Leilani: I did, but now I’m not so sure.
Jibran: We can’t even agree on a restaurant.
Leilani: We can’t agree on a restaurant, because you have a problem with every restaurant in New Orleans. The restaurant capital of the world, and you can’t decide.
Jibran: Actually, Hong Kong is the restaurant capital of the world.


 

Jibran: I don’t hate restaurants. I like restaurants.
Leilani: You literally spent several hours yesterday writing a negative Yelp review, with your white woman fingers, about that tapas place we went to, and I thought it was pretty tasty.
Jibran: It was very salty. I didn’t know I would get mouth-f***ed by the Dead Sea! And I don’t have white woman fingers. I’ve got meaty bronze.


 

Leilani: [referring to her dress] How’s this?
Jibran: It’s fun.
Leilani: It’s fun? What do I look like, Chuck E. Cheese?
Jibran: But sexy. You’re like f*** E. Cheese.


 

Jibran: You’re asking me, Jibran, have I seen The Amazing Race?
Leilani: You’ve spent this entire time judging this show, and you’ve never seen an episode?
Jibran: I don’t need to see something to know I would hate it, okay? I’ve never been hit by a truck, but I know it would suck!


 

Jibran: I don’t want to rot my brain watching that reality show garbage.
Leilani: You make documentaries, okay? Those are just reality shows that no one watches!
Jibran: Documentaries are not reality shows. Documentaries are reality. Okay? My work is social activism. I don’t do it for the RTs.
Leilani: You don’t have to say RTs. Just say retweets, dad.


 

Leilani: What’s the rush? It’s not like we’re doing anything exciting afterward.
Jibran: I thought we were going to have sex.
Leilani: Oh, yeah, because nothing gets me hotter than a plan in the day to have sex at night. Wooh, freaky!
Jibran: You want freaky sex? We could do freaky sex. Just let me know what you want me to do, and I will do it to you at the designated time.
Leilani: That is the antithesis of freaky sex! Okay?


 

Jibran: To win The Amazing Race, you need to be a team, you need to be on the same page. I feel like I’m on one page of the book, and you’re like reading a magazine.
Leilani: Yeah, I would love to be on the same page as you, but you’re always locked in your office editing that movie.
Jibran: It’s not a movie. This is a documentary about corruption in the educational system.
Leilani: How would I know? You won’t even show it to me. You’ve been working on it forever.
Jibran: I’ll show it to you whenever you want.
Leilani: Okay, great. How about tomorrow?
Jibran: I can’t do it tomorrow! I’m rendering the animation.


 

Jibran: [after Leilani has liked a “liked” a social media post from their friends getting married] Since the day we’ve met, you’ve talked about how you think marriage is f***ing lame.
Leilani: I didn’t say “lame”. I said “problematic”.
Jibran: Right. Two people declaring their eternal love for each other. How problematic. You know what I think? I think you do want all that stuff. Marriage and kids. You just don’t want it with me.
Leilani: And I think that you just want someone with no expectations, so you can sit in that room by yourself for the rest of your life.


 

Jibran: I think you just want a relationship that you can brag about to your friends.
Leilani: Yeah, I do! And I’m not willing to settle.
Jibran: I don’t want to settle, either. That’s why I don’t want to be with someone who’s so f***ing shallow.
Leilani: And I don’t want to be with someone who’s so satisfied with being a failure.


 

Jibran: I can’t do this anymore.
Leilani: This isn’t working.
Jibran: Are we done?
Leilani: I think we’ve been done for a while.
[suddenly a man on a bike crashes into their car windscreen]


 

Moustache: [after the man they hit rides away on his bike] I need your car!
Leilani: What?
Moustache: I’m a police officer! He’s a criminal! Move the f*** over! Get in the back! Move, move, move!
[he gets into the driver’s seat and drives fast towards the man speeding away on a bike]


 

Jibran: [as they’re chasing after the cyclist] Justice!
Jibran: [Moustache crashes into the man’s bike, who goes flying over the car] Oh, my God!
Leilani: [Moustache then proceeds to run over the man repeatedly] Oh, my God.
Jibran: [Moustache gets out of the car and goes to check the cyclist’s body] I don’t think he’s a cop.


 

Mr. Hipster: [referring to the cyclist] He’s f***ing dead!
Leilani: We know he’s dead, but we didn’t kill him.
Mrs. Hipster: [referring to Jibran] He just said he killed him.
Jibran: No. I said I hit him with my car.
Mr. Hipster: Clearly it worked! You killed a guy with your car, man!


 

Leilani: What are you doing?
Mrs. Hipster: I’m calling 911.
Leilani: Please don’t do that. We would never hurt anyone.
Mrs. Hipster: [on the phone] I’d like to report a murder, or whatever.
Leilani: We didn’t murder anybody!
Mrs. Hipster: [to Leilani] Yeah, stop.
Leilani: You stop!
Leilani: [to Jibran] Oh, my God. The police aren’t going to believe us. Do you know how stupid we sound?


 

Jibran: On the count of three. Okay?
Leilani: On the count of three, what? What is that face? I can’t read your face!
Just say it.
Jibran: [quietly] On the count of three.
Leilani: What?
Jibran: One, two, three, go!
Leilani: What?
Mrs. Hipster: [Jibran starts running off, over phone to the police] The guy just ran for it.
Leilani: Jibran!
Mrs. Hipster: Okay, the guy’s name is Jibran.


 

Jibran: Run, Leilani!
Mrs. Hipster: And the girl’s name is actually Leilani.
Leilani: s**t.
Mrs. Hipster: [Leilani starts to run off] Okay, she’s running too now. She just happens to be African-American, and he just happens to be a person of color as well. But I don’t like think they’re murderers because they’re minorities. I think they’re murderers because they literally just killed a guy, and he’s laying here.


 

Jibran: We have to go to the police.
Leilani: Us? You and me? How do you think that’s going to go?
Jibran: It’s the best bad idea.
Leilani: No, it’s not. They’re going to arrest us in two seconds.
Jibran: Maybe we just tell them the truth.


 

Leilani: Jibran, the truth sounds crazy. What are you going to say to them?
Jibran: “Hello, Officer. We are turning ourselves in, for now, because we have nothing to hide.”
Leilani: “Then why did you run from the scene of the crime?”
Jibran: “Good question, Officer. That’s why you’re good at your job. It’s because we looked guilty. Which was scary for us, because we are not guilty. So, in a way, us running only proves that we are…”
Leilani: [puts her hand over her chest] “That’s me covering up my bodycam, so I can beat your a**. You’re a f***ing liar.”


 

Leilani: [as they continue act out telling their story to the cops] “Look at your murderous beard, and your murderous brow.”
Jibran: You said you liked the beard.
Leilani: Your beard looks like murder.


 

Jibran: You know that song “Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha going to do”? We’re the bad boys. What are we going to do?
Leilani: Yeah, I know that song “Who Let the Dogs Out”. And I’m always like who did let the dogs out?
Jibran: Are we just talking about songs that we remember?
Leilani: You started it.


 

Jibran: Okay, so you’re suggesting we actually go out there and solve a murder? That’s what you’re suggesting?
Leilani: Kind of.
Jibran: Who the f*** do you think we are? Hobbs and Shaw? We’re not even a couple. We couldn’t figure out our relationship. You think that we’re going to figure out who killed Bicycle?


 


Leilani: Jibran, all we need is a name. We get Mustache’s name, we take it to the police, and then we’re in the clear. We have ten minutes to get there.
Jibran: I don’t think this is a good idea at all.
Leilani: I know you’re scared, Ji. And I’m scared too. But…
Jibran: [as a man walking with a dog walks passed them they both start laughing fakely] What a sweet baby. Woof-woof.


 

Jibran: [as he agrees to Leilani’s idea of finding out Moustache’s name] But if you’re wrong and we spend the rest of our lives on death row, I’m going to be so pi**ed at you.
Leilani: That’s fair.


 

Edie: [after Jibran and Leilani are captured by him and Brett] I just love the smell of sizzling bacon, don’t you? The only problem is the grease! Y’all ever see a bad grease burn? It is remarkable the damage a little hot oil can do. I’m going to give you both a choice, okay? All the grease in this pan, or what’s behind this door.
Jibran: What?
Edie: I said, bacon grease, or door. It’s up to you. And you’re first, Mr. Bing-Bong.
Leilani: Take the grease.
Jibran: Are you serious? It’s boiling hot grease. And she could pour the grease on my face!


 

Jibran: Edie, may I ask a question? Do I get to know prior to making my decision where you’ll be pouring the grease?
Edie: Um, yeah. It’ll probably most definitely be your face.
Jibran: Thank you.
Jibran: [to Leilani, in a thick country accent, mimicking Edie’s accent] She said probably my face.


 

Jibran: We’re single now. I have to go out into the dating world. How do you think I’m going to do on Bumble?
Leilani: Scars are super sexy.
Jibran: Oh, you like burn scars?
Leilani: After this, I’m going to seek out a guy with a burnt face.
Jibran: You promise? I’m going to stalk your Facebook so hard. And if you’re not with a f***ing burn victim, I’m going to be so very upset.
Leilani: Well, thanks for reminding me to block you. I’m blocking you right after this.


 

Edie: [after Jibran chooses to take what’s behind the door] Open the door.
Brett: Yep.
Jibran: [Brett slides the door open and we see the back of a horse] Is it going to s**t on me?
Jibran: [Edie clicks her tongue and the horse kicks out at him, to Leilani] Take the grease.


 

Jibran: [after they get away from Edie and Brett] I never want to see a horse again in my life.


 

Leilani: [referring to the outfit she changed into] What, I look stupid? Kind of like unicorn throw-up?
Jibran: No, you look the opposite. Unstupid.


 

Jibran: Can I just say this is the most bats**t crazy night ever?
Leilani: You’ve never been framed for murder and tortured with bacon grease?
[Jibran starts laughing]

See more The Lovebirds Quotes


 

Leilani: You probably don’t remember this, but our first date, that restaurant, there was this couple sitting next to us, and they didn’t talk the whole…
Jibran: I remember them.
Leilani: You do?
Jibran: Yeah. They didn’t say anything to each other the entire time.
Leilani: You know, I think about them all the time. Because I was looking at them like I never want to be that couple, you know, that runs out of stuff to talk about. But then the more I think about them, the more I’m like, maybe they weren’t miserable. You know? Maybe they were just comfortable with each other.


 

Leilani: [as she tries the building door and it’s locked] How are we going to get up there?
Jibran: What? You just…
Leilani: [Jibran then tries opening the locked door] Did you think it was one of those “Men Only” doors?


 

Jibran: Break the glass. You go.
Leilani: Me go? I’m wearing heels.
Jibran: You’re wearing heels. Right. The icepick part will stab the glass…
Leilani: The “icepick part”? Do you mean the heel?
Jibran: Yes, the pointy heel part of the shoe will break the glass. It’ll go right through it.
Leilani: No. No. Use your shoulders, then break the glass.
Jibran: I just got kicked by a horse. Can I take five minutes off from like bashing myself?


 

Leilani: [after they break into the frat boys apartment and one of them, enters his room] Oh, hey, wassup?
Jibran: Hey, man. It’s been a minute.
Steve: Who the f*** are you?
Jibran: It’s her and me!
Leilani: Me and him!
Jibran: Yes! From, uh…
[suddenly Jibran lunges at Steve]


 

Leilani: [as Jibran and Steve are fighting] Tell me when you want me to jump in. You want me to jump in?
Leilani: [Jibran taps the floor with his hand as Steve is choking him] This isn’t Ultimate Fighting, Jibran. You can’t tap out!


 

Leilani: We’re the people who want some answers, b**ch! The bigger question is, who the f*** are you?
Steve: What are you doing in my f***ing room?
Leilani: Um, we’re here…
Steve: [Leilani slaps him] Ow! Why would you do that?
Jibran: Yeah. Why would we do that? That’s what you want to know. We’re asking the questions. And the answers to our questions better be answers. But the answers to your questions are going to be my fists.
Steve: What?!


 

Jibran: [referring to the man killed on the bike] Do you know Bicycle?
Steve: Do I know Bicycle? What does that mean?
Jibran: Bicycle! Two wheels?
Leilani: Handlebars?
Jibran: Sometimes there’s a basket.
Leilani: And sometimes there’s spokes.
Jibran: Yeah, ET rode one and flew in it, b**ch!
Steve: I know what a bicycle is. Do you mean Tom?
Jibran: I don’t know. Do we look like a b**ch?


 

Steve: I work for Tom. Tom rides a bicycle. He’s like a weird environmentalist.
Jibran: Is environmentalism weird, or is it absolutely necessary?
Leilani: I recycle everything!
Jibran: Yeah. Sometimes she’ll try and recycle eggshells, and banana peels, and I’ll be like, “That’s more compost.”
Leilani: Okay, focus back on me, little Brett Kavanaugh.


 

Leilani: What do you do for Tom?
Steve: I’m not supposed to say.
Leilani: Shut the f*** up and talk, Chug-A-Lug Chuck!
Steve: How am I supposed to shut the f*** up, and talk at the same time? That’s impossible!
Leilani: Figure that s**t out!
Jibran: Figure it out.


 

Jibran: [after Moustache kills all the frat boys, including Steve] I just saw two people get murdered. Until yesterday, I had seen zero people get murdered.
Leilani: That could’ve easily been us.


 

Leilani: [referring to getting Keith to unlock Bicycle’s phone] And he’s a genius at this type of stuff.
Jibran: Oh, he’s a genius? Wow! You guys are so lucky to have a genius working at your office, the IT guy.
Leilani: I’m not trying to hype him up. But if anybody can do it, he can do it.
Jibran: Errol Morris is a genius. JK Rowling is a genius. You could even say that Lil Wayne is a genius. But Keith? F***ing Keith?
Leilani: What is your deal with him? Why are you so…
Jibran: I don’t like the way he looks at you.
Leilani: He doesn’t look at me like anything.
Jibran: Well, then I don’t like the way you look at him.


 

Leilani: [after they arrive at Bobby and Reya’s dinner party in order to speak to Keith] We actually just took a class before we came here. And Jibran boxed outside of his weight class. It was incredible.
Jibran: I’m what they call a “bleeder” in the boxing biz. They actually said I could never be a professional boxer because of how much I bleed.
Reya: So the reason you were late was because you were boxing?
Leilani: Yeah!


 

Leilani: Reya, Jibran and I broke up.
Reya: Oh, my God. Are you serious? How is that even possible? You’re like the best couple ever.
Leilani: Us? You and Bobby are the perfect couple. Are you kidding?
Reya: Oh, no. Bobby and I fight all the time.
Leilani: Yeah, but you guys have sex constantly. Like doing all kinds of freaky s**t.
Reya: Oh, no. Why would you think that?
Leilani: Because you post those hot pictures of you and Bobby in bed.
Reya: Oh. Two of my exes follow me. I’m just trying to make them jealous.


 

Leilani: [as they’re getting changed to go to the party for the cult called Sanctarium] Are you ready for this?
Jibran: No. But I’m glad we’re together.
Leilani: Me too.
Jibran: Listen. If I don’t make it, you could do a lot worse than Keith.
Leilani: I would never date anyone who steals comedy.


 

Leilani: [to Jibran after they arrive at the Sanctarium party] This is some Illuminati bulls**t.


 

Red Robe Man: We have imposters in our ranks.
Jibran: Oh, no, imposters. That sucks.
Red Robe Man: We must all reveal our true faces, so that this imposter may be rooted out and dealt with. On my count of three, unmask yourselves. One…
Jibran: Okay. Okay. F***. F***.
Leilani: Are we going to do it?
Jibran: Everyone’s going to take their mask off.
Red Robe Man: Two…
Jibran: F***. F***. We have to do it.
Leilani: If everybody else is doing it.
Red Robe Man: Three!
Leilani: [she and Jibran take off their masks, but no one else does] Oh, f***.
Red Robe Man: A true member knows, you never take off your mask.


 

Jibran: [after Leilani admits she’s seen his documentary and liked it] Why didn’t you say something?
Leilani: Jibran, honestly, sometimes I feel like you don’t care what I think.
Jibran: I care so much about what you think. That’s why I didn’t want to show it to you. I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.


 

Jibran: You know, you’ve had your life figured out since the moment we met. I always felt like you could do so much better than me.
Leilani: You know, honestly, I feel like I don’t have anything figured out. Like zero. But I was so obsessed with what everybody else thought, except the one person that I care about the most. I just want you to be happy.
Jibran: I want you to be happy too.


 

Detective #1: [as they’re watching Jibran and Leilani in the intorregation room] I like them. I don’t think they should break up.
Detective #2: Relationships are a m*therf***er.


 

Detective Martin: We’ve been looking for you all over this city. You guys are key witnesses on a homicide, and the suspect is still on the loose.
Leilani: What?
Detective Martin: We’ve been trying to track you down all night to make sure you were safe. We tried calling your phone several times.
Leilani: Wait, I’m sorry. You don’t think we’re the murderers?
Detective Martin: No. There were traffic cameras that caught the entire pursuit.
Leilani: I can’t believe this.


 

Jibran: Just to be clear, we are not suspects in a murder homicide.
Leilani: You know we didn’t do this.
Jibran: We didn’t do it. And you know it.
Detective Martin: Of course you didn’t do it. Why would two civilians violently murder a man they’ve never even met?
Leilani: Like, why would we?
Detective Martin: It doesn’t make sense.
Leilani: It doesn’t make any sense.
Jibran: Oh, my God!


 

Leilani: [afte they’ve found out that the police are not after them] Have I thought about killing people? Like Jibran? All the time. But I would never.
Jibran: But that’s in a normal way! She would never act on it.
Leilani: In the way where I’m like, “I will kill you. I will wring your neck!”
Jibran: But not in the real murder way.
Leilani: Not physically.


 

Jibran: [after the detective has told them they’re letting them go] Thank you so much. This has been a good experience.
Detective Martin: I hope so.
Leilani: Thank you, for everything.
Jibran: Is there a comment card? Because I’m doing five. Fives down the line.


 

Leilani: [after they find out Moustache is really a cop and their driver] Sir, if I may, we don’t know anything, and we have terrible memories. So please just let us go, you can trust us.
Moustache: Lady, I don’t trust anyone. Here’s a little tip. The world is out to get you. The only one who’s got your back is you.
Leilani: You’re wrong.
Jibran: That’s not true.


 

Moustache: [to Jibran and Leilani] I trusted someone. One person. Siobhan. I will never trust anyone again. Never. You come into this world alone, and you leave this world alone. Which is what you two are about to find out.


 

Moustache: Look, I’m sorry I have to kill you guys. You seem like a nice, though somewhat annoying couple. But if it makes you feel any better, I will get over it.
Jibran: You don’t have to do this, okay? You’re not a killer. You’re a good person. I can see it in your eyes.
Leilani: Your eyes are so kind.
Jibran: They’re luminous.


 

Moustache: Do you know how many people I have killed today?
Jibran: I would say you’ve killed like exactly the right number of people. I wouldn’t add to it, because right now, the number of people you’ve killed is impressive, but not like worrying.
Leilani: Also, you killed a guy on a bicycle and a bunch of frat boys. Who’s kidding who? You’re practically a folk hero.
Moustache: That was a rhetorical question.


 

Moustache: Drop the gun, or I’ll break his neck.
Leilani: You can’t break his neck. It’s too thick.
Moustache: I’ll just twist until something bad happens.
Jibran: From where I’m sitting, he’s super convincing.
Leilani: He can’t hurt you.
Jibran: I bet he can do it quite easily.


 

Jibran: You don’t have a shot. Just put it down.
Leilani: I do have a shot.
Jibran: Why are you arguing with me about this?
Leilani: Because you think you’re always right, and you’re wrong about this, okay?
Jibran: I’m supposed to listen to someone who’s never held a gun before, and I’m the know it all?


 

Leilani: You refuse to take risks! This is a prime example.
Jibran: You’re the reason we’re here! This is your fault!
Moustache: Guys!
Leilani: Do you really want to do this right now?
Jibran: Oh, my God! I wanted to go to the police!
Leilani: You were driving the car!
Jibran: I got kicked by a horse for you!
Leilani: You just ran from a dead body and left me.
Moustache: Oh, my God. You guys are so annoying.
Leilani: I am alone in this relationship.
Jibran: You watched my movie without asking me!
Leilani: Nobody cares about your s**t.
Moustache: Stop! You sound like my parents!


 

Jibran: [as they continue to argue] Understand what I’m doing for once!
Leilani: Be with me on something!
Jibran: One, two, three! Go!
[Jibran ducks and Leilani shoots Moustache]


 

Leilani: [after Moustache has been captured and arrested] You know, I knew you were going to do that “one, two, three” thing, even though it didn’t work any other time.
Jibran: You did everything.
Leilani: No, it was equal.
Jibran: You did.
Leilani: It was equal!


 

Leilani: Wow, you want to kiss me so bad, like with tongue and everything. I can tell.
Jibran: You are projecting.
Leilani: Oh, okay.
Jibran: I think you want to kiss me.
Leilani: I want to kiss you?
Jibran: You want to kiss me. And you’re like doing this now.
Leilani: Doing what? What am I doing?
Paramedic: [they start kissing and are interrupted by the paramedic] Sorry to interrupt, lovebirds. I got to take you to the hospital and have them check you out. It’s protocol.


 

Jibran: Back of the ambulance sex is pretty freaky, right?
Leilani: I am so down.
Jibran: Alright, let’s go.


 

Leilani: [one year later, she and Jibran have entered to compete in The Amazing Race] We’re actually doing it, Jibran! I told you we could win The Amazing Race.
Leilani: [reads from their challenge card] Okay. “For over fifty years, enthusiasts have gathered at Hyde Park to commemorate…” Uh-oh.
Jibran: What?
Leilani: [they look up to see two horses] Oh…
[as she swears, it’s bleeped out]

 


 

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